First in a long series of television shows aimed at a very special audience.

Apologies for the crude formatting, but hey, you shoulda watched it on television when you had the chance.




Copyright (C) 1996 James "Kibo" Parry
Todos los derechos reservados.


        THE SPECIAL SHOW!
        =================
        12/4/96 BROADCAST


FADE IN

A stern-looking, rather wide NURSE (who looks like Chris Farley after a
sex change, with glasses) is dressed entirely in white, standing in
front of a white padded wall. There is a window which shows an all-white
landscape made out of paper.

        NURSE
        I'm sorry, you're not allowed to watch normal television any
        more. You have to watch... THE SPECIAL SHOW.

She pulls a TV cart into view from screen right. The TV's case is
painted white, as is the cart. A WORKMAN dressed in white coveralls and
white painter's cap follows, touching up the white paint on the TV. The
TV shows a revolving chrome logo that spells out "THE SPECIAL SHOW". As
the announcer reads the title, the workman begins painting the screen
white.

        TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        The! Special! Mmmmmmph!

FADE TO WHITE

FADE TO:

KIBO, our host, is the perfect host for this show. He is someone that
insane people will love and trust. His hair is the tip-off. He is
standing in front of a psychedelic background, wearing a fireman's coat.
He will appear thus between film clips.

        KIBO
        Hey everybody! Let's have some fun!

SFX: TRUMPET FANFARE

SMASH-CUT TO:

TITLE CARD: FUNNY FUNNY CANDY

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        Funny! Funny! Candy!

KIBO is holding a small piece of candy in each hand.

        KIBO
        (excited)
        Nougat... (re his other hand) ...antinougat! (He touches them
        together and we see stock footage of the Earth exploding, then
        we see Kibo with black smudges all over his face.)

TITLE CARD: FUNNY FUNNY CANDY

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        Funny! Funny! Candy!

KIBO his holding a large block of something wet.

        KIBO
        (whiny)
        My fuuuudge won't stop bleeeeding!

TITLE CARD: FUNNY FUNNY CANDY

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        Funny! Funny! Candy!

KIBO is waving a blackboard eraser in front of a bluescreen, which is
showing a close-up of a bowl of canned chili.

        KIBO
        (happy)
        I'm erasing chili!


TITLE CARD: CANDY ALL GONE

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        (singsong)
        Candy all gone!

DISSOLVE TO:

KIBO against the psychedelic background again.

        KIBO
        Wow, wasn't that funny? No, it wasn't "funny", it was "funny
        funny"! Now let's see something "funny funny funny"!

CUT TO:

TITLE CARD: THE STRANGER

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        (whispering)
        The stranger...

FADE TO:

A grizzled GAS STATION ATTENDANT is sitting in a rocking chair by the
side of the road in the middle of the desert. A FILTHY DISGUSTING BUM
walks up.

        FILTHY DISGUSTING BUM
        (articulate)
        Pardon me, but I could use some directions as I appear
        to be lost.

        GAS STATION ATTENDANT
        You filthy disgusting bum, your body is covered with head lice
        and foot odor and you never take a bath and you smell like cheese!

        FILTHY DISGUSTING BUM
        Yeah, but at least I ain't lost!

FAST-MOTION WITH WACKY MUSIC: The ATTENDANT kicks the BUM in the butt
several times and chases him off to the horizon, waving his arms
frantically.

CUT TO:

KIBO, against the psychedelic background.

        KIBO
        Whee! Do you wanna see something seeeecret?

(KIBO walks over to an easel holding up a large geometric diagram)

        KIBO
        Loooooooook! The pennnntagon is full of hexagons!

SFX: WACKY BOING

TITLE CARD: THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        The! Most! Dangerous! Game!

A BOY and GIRL are sitting on the floor. The boy rolls a handful of
dice. He picks up two and rolls them again. He picks up one and rolls it
again.

        BOY
        Yahtzee!

The both drop dead.

TITLE CARD: KIBO'S SCIENCE SEGMENT

KIBO is in front of a large jail cell which has a sign saying "ALL THE
SCIENTISTS IN THE WORLD". Several are inside. ALBERT EINSTEIN has his
head stuck between the bars.

        KIBO
        Hello, Einstein!

        EINSTEIN
        (crying)
        Kibo, I admit I was wrong to oppose your brilliant theory that
        the entire Universe is just a huge holographic fractal made of water
        vapor! All past scientific discoveries pale in comparison with your
        one true theory that explains all science forever!

        KIBO
        (very cheerful)
        Sorry! Not good enough.

KIBO cuts Einstein's head off with a giant pair of scissors and opens
the door. EINSTEIN'S HEADLESS BODY runs out. We see Einstein's body
running through the streets, scaring people. The body rides through a
car wash and at the other end, only Einstein's skeleton comes out.

TITLE CARD: THAT'S A BIG SHEET OF PAPER

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        (honestly impressed)
        That's a big sheet of paper!

BOY #2 is lying on an endless sheet of paper that goes to the horizon.
He is doodling with crayons. A signpost stuck in the paper about twenty
feet away says "Welcome to Paperlandia".

        BOY #2
        (singing to himself)
        La, la, la, la da da...

        MOM
        (walking past from screen right)
        Honey, you've gotta write smaller because the paper is so big.

INSERT: Close-up of boy's "can you believe this?" expression.

SFX: WACKY SPLAT

BOY #2 goes back to coloring.

        POP
        (walking past from screen right)
        Honey, if you keep writing that small, we'll have to get you
        glasses you don't need!

INSERT: Same close-up

SFX: WACKY RICOCHET

BOY #2 goes back to coloring.

        MOM & POP
        (together, as they walk past from screen right)
        Son, you're perfect just the way you are. In fact, you're too
        perfect. No TV for you tonight!

        BOY #2
        But, Mom & Pop, you said I could watch "The Special Show"!

        MOM & POP
        (shouting from offscreen)
        Not until you resign from the Presidency!

INSERT: Same close-up

SFX: TAPE OF "HAIL TO THE CHIEF"

CUT TO:

KIBO, in front of the psychedelic background. He is still wearing the
fireman's coat.

        KIBO
        (as the background bursts into flame)
        Well, did you like the show? I sure did. Tune in next week, when
        we'll show you why computers don't like me!

THE PICTURE CRUMPLES UP INTO A LITTLE BALL AND FLIES OFF INTO OUTER
SPACE, WHERE IT EXPLODES. LETTERS COME OUT OF THE EXPLOSION AND SWIRL
AROUND TO SPELL OUT "THE END". 

FADE TO WHITE

FADE TO:

The NURSE in the white room is using a fire hose on the white TV as it
burns. The paper landscape is also burning. A man dressed as NAPOLEON
runs past the window, laughing.

        NAPOLEON
        I'm free! I'm free!

        NURSE
        I curse your genius, Napoleon!

        NAPOLEON
        Tee-hee!

FADE TO BLACK

TITLE CARD: A PRODUCTION OF THE SPECIAL CHANNEL

        ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
        Bye-bye!
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Last revised
December 25, 1999
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