Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: BLATANT ADVERTIZZLEMENT!!!!! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 08:09:33 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I WILL LOOK AT YOUR WEB PAGE FOR FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!!! -- K. EXTRA CLICKS COST EXTRA!!!!!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: BLATANT ADVERTIZZLEMENT!!!!! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 05:17:00 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Leah Verre (leahv@humongous.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I WILL LOOK AT YOUR WEB PAGE FOR FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!!! > > I WILL STAY AWAY FROM YOUR WEB PAGE FOR TEN BUX!!!!!!! I WILL KEEP YOU FROM BEING STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE TEN BUCKS TO LEAH FOR FIFTY BUCKS! -- K. ALSO I TAKE CREDIT CARDS! BUT I DON'T GIVE THEM BACK! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: I admit it, I WAS WRONG!!! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 10:23:55 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor A few days ago I complained that the incredibly obnoxious Applebee's commercial with the incredibly obnoxious shrimp puppet singing "When The Saints Go Marching In" in an incredibly obnoxious trill hyper-falsetto with incredibly obnoxious big red lips had her lips on the wrong end of the shrimp puppet. Well, after studying this commercial 5,000 times (against my will) during the past week, seeing the shrieking shrimp scampiing around on the screen, I have come to the conclusion that, for the first time EVER, I was wrong. The shrimp's head has a large tuft of salmon-pink hair sheared off horizontally at the top, which is bigger than the actual tail (which is mostly hidden from view) but is definitely shrimp hair, not a tail. I was wrong about this. However, it is important to note that I have confessed to being wrong about a totally trivial stupid little commercial, so you know I would be honest enough to confess if I were ever wrong about something IMPORTANT, and I never have, so you are now convinced that I am always right when I talk about important stuff like Jack benny being a drag queen. Thank you. -- K. Also, I apologize for Archimedes Plutonium for calling his Plutonium Atom Totality science theory stupid: It is clearly NOT a science theory. I regret this error, but not much. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Origin Of "You Won't They're There!" Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 10:18:30 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I couldn't remember the origin of the catchphrase "YOU WON'T THEY'RE THERE!", so I looked through the archives for it, only since I assumed it was said by someone who couldn't spell, I searched for the expression /won'?t (there|they'?re|their) (there|they'?re|their)/. Anyway, please allow me to refresh your memory as to this swingin' catchphrase of the '90s. -- K. Oh, and just to re-activate a few more memory cells: TONYA HARDING!!!! ------------( a grinding noise here means a rerun is approaching )------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Determinism! Enough! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 07:09:23 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 8162 centons, 89 microns, .02 abians Eteinne Rouette (etienne.rouette@sympatico.ca) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > In comp.ai.philosophy, alt.consciousness, and sci.physics, > > andi babian (ababian@cruzio.com) wrote: > > > > > > The proponents which us to infer that this can be partially true, that an > > > isolated part of the universe determines it's own future, but this can't > > > be the case. There are no isolated parts of the universe! > > > > Sure there are. We just don't know they're there. > > Isolated parts of the universe: you won't they're there! You mis-punctuated ISOLATED PARTS OF THE UNIVERSE. YOU WON'T. THEY'RE THERE! Even though it was only a month ago, I had forgotten the other side of your callback: "leah verre" (leah@humongous.com) wrote: -> -> I just saw an ad for our brand of computer speakers. The copy reads thusly: -> -> "You won't they're there!" I had to go look this up, because I didn't it was there. So why is it every article I post these days has to have non-linear tangles of attributions and callbacks instead of a simple nest of nugatory non-sequitors? Mmm, nugatory. > E. Rouette So why can't you have a fun name which is a portmanteau of "baby" and "Abian"? -- Anaximenes Diaperlutonium. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: #2 Theory of Error Accumulation = Aging; 'nonsense genes' Re:Researches into Metabolism Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 08:23:31 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.med and sci.bio.misc, Birmingham Gremlin (gremlin@newsguy.com) wrote: > > Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > > > Birmingham Gremlin wrote: > > > > > > [re Archimedes Plutonium typing in a list of big words] > > > > > > I think what you wrote in response to my post could be termed as a > > > non-sequiter. What the hell does glycolysis, Krebs and ox phos have to do > > > with "nonsense genes"? What is the point of you copying out simplified > > > biochemical processes and posting them to usenet? > > > > Maybe he's going to file patents. He's trying to patent nonsense genes, but he keeps forgetting the "gene" part. > Yeah I could just imagine him trying to submit photocopies of Stryer or > Lehninger and claiming he thunk it all up hisself. I think he is probably > too busy "lawsuiting" people anyway. (What HAS happened with his bogus > lawsuits?) Don't ask me. It's not like I ever saw his alleged legal document (with the Vivaldi and Geneva fonts) he filed against me, AOL, NASA, and probably various planets. Sometime when I have a spare moment I'll zip over to Bozonia and ask the Special Invisible Judge Of Bozonia Inferior Imaginary Court whether I've won or lost, and how many millions of Plutonium Dollars I won, and on what date Archie is getting the Imaginary Electric Chair. -- K. I think his imaginary lawsuit would look cooler if he had used better typography. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: 4.2 Theory of errors in biology related to physics theory of time Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 08:15:31 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.med, sci.bio.misc, sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to himself: > > I am going to answer my own question, for I am best qualified. See, kids, I wasn't lying when I said that no matter how crazy you are, there's always someone who wants to help you. I am so glad Archimedes has found someone who is willing to talk to him as an equal. -- K. Would it be more pathetic if he had a conventional invisible friend who WASN'T himself, or is being your OWN longtime companion worse? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.fashion,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Agents for Swedish special garments Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 08:08:27 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.fashion, JŸrgen Urbas wrote: > > -- Agents for Swedish special garments > > Introducing GARDA on Export > > Garda has a long tradition of manufacturing rain-, premonition and > protective clothes especially for the Swedish market. In Sweden you have clothes that can predict future events? Wow. In the U.S.A., we're just now getting clothes that can guess playing cards, so we're a few years behind you. > [...] > > Flexibility > > Garda is able to manufacture specific profile clothes for your own company > or if you have any special requests, we are sure we can work something out. > Everything is possible. Oka, I want clothes that can predict all world events of the next ten thousand years and whose pockets contain an infinite amount of Cherry Pez but cancels their weight out with a gravity belt that allows me to fly like Buck Rogers, except it doesn't make me look like a sissy like him. -- K. I *am* being serious, darn it! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Anagram generator Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 06:35:55 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com.guacamole) wrote: > > OH BE QUIET!! WHEN YOU WORK IN A SCHOOL ALL DAY, YOU BEG FOR A RELEASE > FROM THE TEDIOUS, ASEXUAL BOREDOM!!! You enjoy sexual boredom? > THAT'S ALL I MEANT! I DO NOT TURN EVERYTHING INTO AN INNUENDO!!!1 Well, you don't NEED to turn everything into an innuendo, because a lot of stuff already is. -- K. Sexual boredom is like Andy Rooney only sexy. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Babies feel MORE pain Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 06:44:19 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Ladies and gentlemen... scientific proof that SCIENTISTS ARE MEANER THAN JOAN CRAWFORD! In alt.circumcision, sci.med, misc.kids.health, and misc.kids.pregnancy, Hugh Young (hugh@wn.pla.nz) wrote: > > From the Dominion (Wellington, NZ) 13/1/99, reprinted from the Sunday > Telegraph: > > Because of different 'wiring', this baby feels > pain for longer, more sensitively and over a greater area of its body than > adults > > Babies feel more pain > > Researchers believe that a baby's pain-signalling mechanism makes it feel > sensations before an older child would. Victoria MacDonald reports > > > Scientists have shown for the first time that newborn babies have a > "unique" nervous system which makes them respond to pain differently from > adults. > > In research that has far-reaching implications for the medical and surgical > treatment of infants, the scientists have found that newborn children feel > pain longer and more sensitively. Also scientists have more fun torturing babies because they don't fight back. > And in premature babies, the mechanism that allows older children and > adults to "dampen down" the pain messages does not work properly. Older children are supposed to make you feel LESS pain? I thought they usuall beat you up and took all your toys. > Until now, it has been presumed that a baby's pain system is too immature > to function properly, or that they react in a similar way to adults but > less efficiently. > > Researchers at University College London have now discovered that babies' > sensory systems have a unique pain-signalling mechanism, which disappears > as they grow older. As the scientists wear it out by torturing the poor helpless babies. > This makes them feel pain sooner than an older child or adult, and because > of different "wiring" they can react to stimulation as if it is pain - even > when it is not. > > It is only in the past 10 years that it has even been acknowledged that > babies and infants feel pain. Yeah! Last year everyone thought that babies cry for NO REASON when you let them crawl on the stove while all the burners are empty but turned up high! > Before that, babies born prematurely - after less than 30 weeks of > pregnancy - would undergo traumatic or surgical procedures without > pain-killing drugs. > > Ticky Wright, of the British Women and Children's Welfare Fund, set up to > promote research into pain relief of the unborn child, has welcomed the new > research. > > "I call this the 'oops' syndrome. First we were told that infants did not > feel pain, then that the newborn baby did not, then that a foetus did not," > Mrs Wright says. "Each time it is looked at, the boundaries are pushed > further and further back. Yet masses more research needs to be done." MASSES OF BABIES MUST BE SPANKED TO DETERMINE WHETHER IT REALLY DOES HURT US MORE THAN IT HURTS THEM!!! > Maria Fitzgerald, the professor of developmental neurobiology at the Thomas > Lewis Pain Research Centre, based at the University College of London, says > the work has shown the importance of adequate pain relief for infants and > children. "We have learned that if a scientist is throwing darts at your baby, you should afterwards give him half of a baby aspirin. Then you can go back to torturing him." > Writing in the Medical Research Council's journal, Professor Fitzgerald > says: "Reports in clincial and psychological literature indicate early > injury or trauma can have long-term consewquences on sensory or pain > behaviour that extend into childhood or beyond." these consewquences can include stitches. OW! OW! STOP SPANKING ME! I'M ALLOWED TO MAKE LAME PUNS ABOUT TYPOS BECAUSE I'M NOT A BABY ANY MORE! > Professor Fitzgerald says that because the spinal sensory nerve cells work > differently in babies, even a simple skin wound at birth can lead to the > area becoming hypersensitive to touch long after the wound has healed. A simple skin would at birth leads to doctors poking you there every day for the rest of your life. > By studying these sensory nerve cells in infants, the scientists discovered > that their reflex to pain or harm is greater and more prolonged than that > of adults. The sensory nerve cells are also linked to larger areas of skin, > which means they fell pain over a greater area of their bodies. Scientists have determined that babies feel pain on every area of their bodies via a scientific technique called "a process of elimination" using sharp needles that can get into every nook and cranny and leave a record of where they've been. The babies are expected to enjoy their new full-body tattoos. > Adults produce pain reflexes only when they encounter harmful stimulation, > but newborns respond less selectively, and produce the same reflex even to > a light touch. > > The scientists believe this is because, in babies, the sensory nerve fibres > that communicate non-harmful touch - known as A fibres - end in a different > part of the spinal cord from adults. But in adults, the cells are connected > only to the pain-transmitting C fibres. B fibers are only used during puberty to connect the spinal cord to Dad's credit card just before wild parties. > Professor Fitzgerald says another contributing factor in the newborn > child's pain system is that the nerve pathways, which carry pain-inhibiting > messages from the brain stem to the spinal cord, mature later than other > parts of the system. "These nerve fibres from the brain stem start to grow > down the spinal cord early in foetal life, but they do not extend branches > into the spinal cord for some time, and do not function fully till soon > after birth," Professor Fitzgerald writes in the journal. > > "This means the premautre baby cannot benefit from the natural pain-killing > system, which, in adults, dampens down pain messages as they enter the > central nervous system. > > "Do these discoveries mean that the newborn infant's spinal cord transmits > a different pain signal to the cortex of [sic: than?] that of an adult? We > think so." For instance, adults do not cry when scientists jab letter openers into their soft spot. (POOR SPOT!) > The University College of London researchers now aim to investigate the > long-term consequences of early injuries, which, they believe, will change > the care given to premature and sick newborn babies. From now on, babies will be poked a lot more to make sure they know how to feel pain. -- K. "THESE SCIENTISTS THINK THEY'RE SO COOL BUT THEY'RE REALLY MEAN!!!" (Cheerleader in eleventh grade telling everyone someone told her about rabbits being used as guinea pigs. Actual quote from memory.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Birthdays O' Plenty Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 06:14:40 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > When you break a rock with a sledgehammer and there's a gerbil inside, > > that's a Pibil. [...] > > And I guarantee you, gerbils can chew through anything. > > At work[1] we have a colony of about 40-50 naked mole rats. Someone in > the exhibits department got the ingenius idea of molding concrete blocks > to fit into the Habitrail-like tunnels they're kept it. One of the > blocks was like a cylindrical chamber with two exits into the tubs, and a > clear-plastic top. The kicker is that they had mixed peanuts (in the > shell) in with the concrete and those colonialist little bastards would > chew through the concrete to get the peanuts. The second time I read that it said "The knickers are that..." and I turned into Benny Hill for about half a moment before I remembered that I had already read that paragraph and it didn't say anything naughty. So, you stir the concrete mix, peanuts, and rats together in a big vat, or do you have a Rat-And-Cement Mixer? Or do you just put the rats through the rock tumbler? > At any rate, they removed that particular chamber because the protein was > too much for them, and they started getting the idea --and the energy-- > to expand and depart the exhibit. THROUGH THE FOURTH DIMENSION!!!! That's how they can get into your TV's picture tube without breaking it, and sometimes they even show up inside helium balloons, to say nothing of Coke bottles. > Also, recently, a female besides the queen had pups, which was completely > unusual, especially as she's a rat, not a dog. > so the staffers were put on notice to keep them seperated, "Dr. Nick says to keep the legs in this bucket, the heads in this bucket..." "He meant the rats, not the staffers." "Oh. Well, it's still fun either way. Hey, who took my pinking shears?" > because they would tend to fight for the crown. As per usual with a > litter born, the pups were eaten within a few days. By the other mole > rats, that is. And KFC customers. > BTW, they're ugly in an endearing cute kinda way, unless one of the > Science Interpreters[1] hasn't cleaned on their toilet chambers recently, > in which case their cuteness is greatly outweighed by That Obnoxious Odor. I take it you've never been in the back of the supermarket where they keep the six-month-old flat fermented watermelons under the crates of durians that have gerbils that like to eat BooBerry living inside. > At any rate, these creatures are perfectly adapted to be the link between > gerbils and Pibils, though cross-breeding will be difficult, because a > mole rat could eat a gerbil in 20 seconds flat. What kind of experiments ARE you doing with that tiny electrified Colloseum? And what's with the tiny Giant H? > More notes on NMR behavior: There is still a few tunnels that end with > concrete blocks (with creamy peanut butter instead of peanuts), MMM, PEANUT CONCRETE. LIKE PEANUT BRITTLE WITHOUT ALL THE ANNOYING BRITTLENESS. > but there's always a mole rat 'guarding' the end of the tunnel. And while it > appears to be sleeping, it'll usually scuffle with any rat that decides > to come over and try a few gnaws on the block. Have you thought about giving your rats a television set, or possibly Internet access? A WebTV might be good. > [1] Remember, I work for SCIENCE. No, you work for RATS, you RAT SLAVE, YOU. -- K. Now, Archimedes Plutonium, he works with virtual reality... MAKING DISHES VIRTUALLY SPOTLESS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Chlorine-containing bleach - and Ammonia in passing Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 09:12:31 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Peope Emperor FrogMaN (popellus_frogmannus@lart.com) wrote: > > Bruce Hamilton (B.Hamilton@irl.cri.nz) wrote: > > > > The following is from an earlier post of mine, and is mainly > > from the Kirk Othmer Encyclopedia of Chemical Technology. > > James T. Kirk and Miss Othmar had a lovechild?!!! Wa... wa wa wa... wa wa... wa wa wa... wa... WAWAWA! WA! WAWAMANEE!!!! SPOCK! WA! -- K. Some comedy writes itself, just not the funny kid. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Community Service Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 07:02:36 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Chris Franks (chris_franks@hp.com) wrote: > > Bob Hope is the CEO of comedy, according to the big article in the > Dec 21 New Yorker which just made it to my wife's doctor's office today. Ah, your doctor has Bob Hope magazines in his waiting room. I will assume you are NOT seeing Dr. Patch Adams, the only doctor ever to use humor when visiting sick kids in the hospital. > Is it better to be CEO of comedy or King of Science? As Spokesman For Earth and King Of Terror, I would just like to point out that I would gladly trade all of that to be the CEO Of Science and the King Of Comedy, especially if I get to wrap Jerry Lewis in five hundred miles of duct tape in fast-motion (except for his hair, because no duct tape known to humanity would stick there.) Also, as CEO Of Science, I would funnel most of our science budget into Basic Research, namely, important questions such as "What are we doing?" and "Why not?" And "What is the sound of no hands not clapping?" and especially "What are you eating under there?" -- K. I'll even throw in my title of "Margaret Dumont of the Internet" if I can be the "Don Saklad of the Opera". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.dreams.toltec,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Computer Nitch Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 09:22:42 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.dreams.toltec, a newsgroup inhabited by exactly one person, "Mauvey" (twodar@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > A computer Nitch is like a nit: the egg of a louse or other parasitic > insect. So when the time comes, people of important places will > place the stored items with automatic rings creating a larger > improper air scramble. The voiding of all air space to block any > or all air attacks. > Vulnerability as the vulture lurks. > Personality of the person to attack. > Capability as the crocodile's teeth--for and against. (Home Simpson voice) "Mmm, improperly scrambled air voids." (slobbers) By the way, Mauvey, I'm still waiting for you to fill us in on what you think of my theory that Archimedes Plutonium is behind all your blockers and nitches. -- K. and crooks and nannies. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Dear Dr. Kibo (I Have Found God) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 06:12:57 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "The Crayfish" (crayfish@mail.com) wrote: > > Dear Dr./Mr./Sr./Ssrs. Kibo, You forgot Rev., Fwd., and Neutral. > I have found God. That means someone else lost God! You're mean! Yay! > I chased Him behind the commode and into a Payless Shoes box, where He > appears to be resting comfortably. He's so cool! Now I need your help. > > Can I keep Him? > > Will He shed or anything? > > Thanks! He'll be okay, as long as you do not attempt to actually pay for any Payless Shoes. If you do that, they become Payfull shoes, and the box explodes, and Steve Martin comes in and starts reading short fiction aloud while the radio plays Andy Kaufman's record of the second half of "The Great Gatsby". The best thing to feed God would be a casserole of communion wafers, holy water, and shredded Velveeta. It is very important to shred the Velveeta before melting it because otherwise it bruises the orangeness. God likes his Velveeta melted with loving care, and also every night be sure to tuck Him into his little Barbie bed and tell him a good-night story which ends with the bad guys going to Hell for all eternity, and also, He likes to sleep with a Hello Kitty nite-lite. Also, do not shake the little box. NO SHAKE GOD IN THE BOX!!! God is fragile. -- K. Your reading assignment for the week: Phil Dick's "A Present For Pat". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Doc Martens conspiracy Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 09:51:34 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor the Ur-Beatle (talysman@softhome.net) wrote: > > Doc-tor Martens! > Doctor Martens! > He's a madman with some evil boots! > Doc-tor Martens! > Doctor Martens! > He's a madame with some evil doots! Oh, great, now I'm going to have the "THEYYYY SMAAAAAASH HIM... AND HIS BODY MAYYYYY BURRRRRN... THEYYYYY CRAAAAAASH HIM... BUT THEY KNOW HE'LL RETURN! TO LIVE AGAIN!" lyric running through my head over and over until a gigantic airport of the future explodes in slow-motion several times. WATCH OUT! HERE COME THE ASCII MYSTERONS! O O O O O O "THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS. THE BAGGAGE-HANDLING SYSTEM AT DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT WILL BE DESTROYED IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS UNLESS DOCTOR MARTEN CAN DRIVE A TRUCK FILLED WITH GASOLINE THROUGH THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS OBSTACLE COURSE." No, wait, it's okay, those weren't Mysterons, they were just very large Sea-Monkeys facing front. The light you see at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. There are no invisible Mysterons from Mars controlling the tiny puppet body of Martin Landau here! Also I'm still baffled by the fact that there's someone named "Plugg Shutt" in the closing credits. -- K. If Plugg Shutt married Star Wirth and Ensign Greenbean, TV show credits would be ever so much funner. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.astronomy,sci.astro,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Does the universe have a right-side-up? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 10:41:29 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Below is asked a deeply meaningful question which requires serious philosophical rumination. However, I ran out of that last week, so instead I'll just say something silly. In alt.astronomy and sci.astro, "Al" (ucefree@jps.net) wrote: > > Who first decided that north was "up" and south was "down" in terms > of the Earth's poles? I don't know, but I'm sure glad they did, I'd hate to live in the half of the Universe that's upside down! > Does the universe have an intrinsic "right side > up" or are these designations totally arbitrary in science? I think that if the Universe had an "up" that would imply that it was sitting on something (possibly a stack of blue turtles with eight arms) or that it was in an externall-generated gravitational field. Also, then it would be in danger of someone knocking it over. The way I would design maps, if I had my way, would be to label the two ends "up" and "dn" in lowercase, so that it would be correct both ways. Also, I'd travel back in time and change Scott Kim's name to XXXX Q. OOOO just so that nobody else would ever write things that were symmetrical. I propose that the new scientific definition of "up" and "down" be chosen to keep Archimedes Plutonium at the very bottom of the Universe at all times. -- K. Also, in the northern hemisphere, all toilets will swirl counter-clockwise, while in the other hemisphere, they'll swirl OUTWARDS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Dryer Lint: 1999! *Now with added insects* Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 06:24:11 GMT X-Complaints-To: If you experience problems with this article, dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "David/FortyTwo" (ocalladw@tcd.ie) wrote: > > [re Stacia finding 257 daddy longlegses, which she mistakenly called spiders, > living in her lint trap. I mean, in her DRYER'S lint trap.] > > I had a swarm of angry bees living in the chimney in a cottage. Well, they probably thought you were maladjusted too. "Hey, look, Buzzy! It's that happy human who's never in a swarm when he's in this room!" > And they came out of the chiney from both ends. Iwontsayit, Iwontsayit, Iwontsayit, I WON'T SAY IT!!!! > And they were angry too. When they were nerve-gassed New Glink For Bees! And new Glink Furbies! They're like regular Furbies, PLUS they're covered with glued-on live bees, which are angry and armed with little cans of Sarin nerve gas and tiny bee gas masks! THE PLUS MEANS BETTER! IN A BAD WAY! > by the bee-guy there was a carpet of dead bees to hoover up. The first time I read that, it said "...to hover up," and I imagined a swarm of dead bees (arranged in a horizontal plane) flying around, not buzzing. > Some of them were still alive and the hoover buzzed after > being switched off. This is the plot of the movie "Event Horizon": 1.) Establish that Sam Neill has never been on a spaceship before and doesn't know that in outer space everyone has to stay in a tank of blue fluid designed to throw you and a hundred gallons of blue fluid on the floor when you arrive at your destination. 2.) The find the giant derelict Hoover vacuum cleaner, which was designed by genius spaceship designer Sam Neill. 3.) They discover that it is filled with live bees because the vacuum cleaner went so fast that it went to Bee Hell and became possessed by Satan, Queen Of The Bees! 4.) A whole lot of random stupid stuff happens. 5.) Fortunately, the Event Horizon is filled with self-destruct bombs. Unfortunately, they're only designed to sever the flexible hose between the bee bag and the nozzle. Fortunately, they can be picked up and carried around. 6.) Also Satan is played by the same guy who played Satan in "Damien: Omen III", which wasn't a tenth as aggressively retarded as "Event Horizon". Actually, I think "Event Horizon" would have been a better movie if it had had killer space bees in it, like the ones they cut out of "Star Trek: The Motion Picture". (V'Ger beamed killer bees filled with cobra venom onto the Enterprise bridge, and to prepare for the scene they rented the leftover bees from Irwin Allen's "The Swarm". The scene was deleted at the last moment because it was deemed too stupid even for "Star Trek".) > Bee-in-a-vacuum-cleaner: Give a family the gift of bees-in-a-vacuum-cleaner. I think it would be cooler if the bees had little vacuum cleaners inside so that they could suck you towards them so they could sting you. Also, I could make some sort of pun about getting a haircut from a Flowbee, but that would be beneath me. Bee Lumgarner will make the pun. > Remember to change from suck to blow. Shoot bees at target. Oh, now you're talking about the part of "The Martian Chronicles" they didn't even try to film, namely, the good part. > When not to use bees keep in vacuum cleaner. I think that Orville Redenbacher should make a kind of popcorn with artificial black dye, and you could get a packet of that and a packet of the yellow kind and within minutes you could make a cloud of piping hot killer bees just like the ones that almost killed "Martin Landau" in one of my anti-favorite "Mission: Impossible" episodes. -- K. I'm depressed that the FX channel (which is like Fox only without the vowels) never shows the episode where Martin Landau plays Hitler. However, I did see part of that movie where Richard Basehart was Hitler. (I don't know what character he was playing.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.warlord From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Email Signatures Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 08:26:12 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I know that it's normally considered bad form to make fun of WebTV users' HTML signatures -- it's like making fun of dead worms after a flood -- but I believe this one may represent a historical milestone: WEBTV USERS HAVE DISCOVERED SIGNATURE VIRUSES. Also, this particular signature virus comes with a legal agreement AND CLIP ART! In alt.online-service.webtv, "ABCDEFHIJKLMNOP@webtv.net" wrote: > > --WebTV-Mail-948326760-3036 > Content-Type: Text/Plain; Charset=US-ASCII > Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit > > There are times when I want to use my email signature and then there are > times when I want to disengage it. Why on earth doesnt web tv make a > button that enables us to engage/disengage our signatures hassle free? Because of the "engage" part. Now that we've had three lines of "content", here is the teensy little signature: > > > Lester > > > > > --WebTV-Mail-948326760-3036 > Content-Description: signature > Content-Disposition: Inline > Content-Type: Text/HTML; Charset=ISO-8859-1 > Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable > > > vlink=3D"#ffff80">
>

> >

> > > > > >
om"> > src=3D"http://members.tripod.com/ocean2/asimplelogo.gif"> >
Warning: This decorative animation may only be used > for non-commercial purposes if linked to: href=3D"http://drsimple.8m.com"> > http://drsimple.8m.com >

Cut and paste (or type yourself)
(code may be altered to fit your > site or email sig) >

>

> Above Code will look like this:
> >

align=3Dcenter valign=3Dmiddle> src=3Dhttp://members.tripod.com/ocean2/asimplelogo.gif border=3D15> >
href=3Dhttp://drsimple.8m.com> color=3D#000000>http://drsimple.8m.com
>
> > >
> >

>

>
> >

> src=3D"http://members.tripod.com/ocean2/images/newsroomwebtvbanner.gif " > border=3D"20" height=3D"300"> > >
Add our newsroom to web= > tv > site links And let us know so we can add you to our webtv link site (in > construction). > > > > > > > --WebTV-Mail-948326760-3036-- I was going to cut and paste and alter that code to fit in my signature, but by the time I got to " CREEP MPEG" my fingers no longer obeyed my brain, assuming I still have one. (The MPEG movie in question, incidentally, is a widely-forwarded Totally Fake Hidden Video, supposedly shot from a security camera, of an office worker pounding on his computer until its monitor falls off the back of his desk... note that the hidden camera is not only pointed directly at him whhen the "surprise" events begin, but it follows him as it happens, and the monitor is carefully balanced to fall over as easily as possible to begin with. And let's not forget that there's obviously a microphone somewhere between him and the alleged security camera so you can hear him "typing", and curiously, all the words he types can be made entirely from the "home row" keys. Also, it's just a video of someone's computer falling over, it's not like anything tragic happened such as WebTV going out of business.) -- K. I promise to fake a Totally Hidden Video of WebTV going out of business if you people will let me put thirty minutes of high-definition video in my new signature. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.psychology.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Food combinations; mind linked to cell communication Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 05:10:35 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Sarah Cherlin (scherlin@2cowherd.com) wrote: > > Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > > > Somehow there is a coordination of body chemistry of a cell > > communication and that of the mind in desire and cravings for food. > > That reminds me. Archie, I still have some coconut fruitcake left over > from christmas, but I'm afraid you can't have any, because there are > LAWS against CANNIBALISM. Sorry. But... science says "YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT." Therefore, we're not allowed to eat anything. Well, okay, we're not allowed to eat anything more than once. -- K. Guess that means SOMEONE who washes dishes at Dartmouth isn't allowed to eat any more poop. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.astro,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: full planetary alignment? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 09:21:25 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.astro, "evo. 10." (D3V0@webtv.net) wrote: > > has there ever been, or ever been a full planetary alignment? for this > solar system anyway, as in pluto, uranus, neptune, jupiter, saturen, > mars, venus, earth, and mars all in tune with the sun? > and what would happen if such an event were to happen would we just > dissaper into a black hole or something? Yes, there was one of those once, and the Universe did dissaper into a black hole, even though it was only an alignment of everything EXCEPT the Sun. -- K. At the time it was happening scientists didn't notice because you can't see the outer planets through the asteroid belt. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.technology,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: I have a cold today and no appetite Re: biotech-cold-virus-for-dieting (bicovidi) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 06:31:02 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.med and sci.bio.technology, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Well, I am happy today for I weighed myself and sure enough I am now > 58 kilograms. Is that with or without your brain? > The cold made me not want to eat for 3 days except for > citrus fruit. I do take vitamin pills, I like the Flintstones. Yes, but what are your preferences with regards to vitamins? > And today I finally ate a dinner of microwaved spaghetti. I use the > microwave on all my dinners. Get some paper cups and put into it some > thin noodles until boiling then drain and add skinless, boneless > sardines, some fresh peanuts from shells, some romano and parmesan > cheese, then spaghetti sauce that has mushrooms in it, reheat. And > presto. Today I had a bottle of Journey's Ancient Cola. Great > combinations. Archie, I think your cold is contagious over the Internet, because I just lost my appetite. > Anyway, I wanted to mention also, that I have noticed that colds tend > to increase sex drives, not diminish them. At least that has been my > experience. I won't believe you unless you can prove you've had ANY "experience". > Whether this is caused due to the fact that one can hardly > sleep and so laying there in bed, well, nothing better to do since one > cannot sleep but to play. > > So, in the future if this bicovidi pill is ever mass marketed, a good > advertisement for Bicovidi is "the natural way to diet and to be > passionate to your lover" A bicovidi pill would be good for > Thanksgiving and for Xmass, holidays or occasions where one may > overindulge in food and be sorry afterwords. Occasional dieting because > the body would immunize against that strain of cold virus. So the pill > would be limited. But very effective, ie, it works and works well. > Probably no other marketed diet pill is as effective as what bicovidi > would be. I can't wait to see what your testing regimen of your imaginary diet pill for FDA approval will involve. Shouldn't you hurry up and invent the thing before you market it? > [re "feed a cold and starve a fever"] > > Drink to a cold because the loss of fluids to cough and sneeze. Feed a > headache to neutralize the excess salt in the body. A cold makes one > not want to eat. So, you're saying that you cause everyone else on the Internet to have excess salt in their bodies? -- K. Do you cut your raw spaghetti with scissors or just crumble it up in your hands before microwaving it in the Dixie cups? (Incidentally, for those who don't already know, paper-cup fan Archie is employed as a professional DISHWASHER.) How many times do you wash the Dixie cups before you flush 'em? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: i need a good picture for my email back ground,please post to the grou Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 09:54:13 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that the "ADthanksVANCE"/ thADVANCEanks" meme is about to undergo a horrible, unpredictable mutation. In alt.tv.knight-rider, "knight rider" (movingfast@webtv.net) wrote: > > Subject: i need a good picture for my email back ground,please post to the grou OH OH OH OH!!! I SEE SOMETHING SPECIAL ON THE HORIZON!!! > --WebTV-Mail-861951528-3164 > Content-Type: Text/Plain; Charset=US-ASCII > Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit > > p,so ican use it ,from knight rider thanx in ad bance AND HERE COME THE DANCING GLOWING BEARS MADE OUT OF SPARKLY TRANSPARENT GLOWING RAINBOW-COLORED CANDY TOOTING THEIR EIGHTY-SEVEN ELECTRIC BASSOONS!!! EACH!!! Ladies and gentlemen, from the guy with the shiny black talking car, or maybe the other guy with the shiny black WebTV (which is every bit as cool as a talking car), we have a new meme, adTHANXbance. <-- REMEMBER DOUGLAS HOSTADTER'S "USE/MENTION" DISTINCTION HERE, WHICH MEANS I AM NOT EVEN BEING IRONIC BECAUSE I DIDN'T LEGALLY SAY THIS IN A COURT OF LAW. > > > --WebTV-Mail-861951528-3164 > Content-Description: signature > Content-Disposition: Inline > Content-Type: Text/HTML; Charset=US-ASCII > Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit > > src= > "http://members.tripod.com/~webtv21/knight_rider.mid" > loop="infinite"> > > > --WebTV-Mail-861951528-3164-- YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO STOP LISTENING TO THE "KNIGHT RIDER" THEME SONG! -- K. Someday I'm going to write a song which is infinitely long just to see what happens when you play it with "loop=infinite". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: i need a good picture for my email back ground,please post to the grou Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 09:08:46 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Richard S. Holmes (rsholmes@rodan.syr.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > > > > Someday I'm going to write a song which is infinitely long just to > > see what happens when you play it with "loop=infinite". > > 99 bottles of beer on the wall > 99 bottles of beer > You take one down > You put it back up > 99 bottles of beer on the wall > > 99 bottles of beer on the wall... > > > [Mitch Miller is GONE! Thank you, Kibo! I WUV YOU!!!!] WAAH! I was trying to kill BOB HOPE to make girls wuv me! P.S. Are you A GIRL? -- K. If you'd rather be called a "lady" I'll understand. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.logic,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: If one major physics parameter is infinite, then all are Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 08:29:08 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.logic and sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > The major physics parameters are: > (1) atoms > (2) distance (space) > (3) energy (momentum, temperature, charge) > (4) time Don't stop there, you haven't run out of fingers yet! (5) smell (6) mouth feel (7) miles per gallon (8) TV Q score (9) value of the object when eaten by Pac-Man (10) baldness > If one of them turns out to be infinite, then I think the logic would > dictate that the others are also infinite. The reason I say that is > because all of them are related and dependant, none of them > independant. But if one of them is infinite then all the others must be ZERO because the infinite one would take up all the room everywhere! HA! I HAVE CRUSHED YOUR ENTIRE THEORY INTO NONEXISTENCE JUST BY MENTIONING MY INFINITELY COOL ONE! > [...] Both logic and mathematics are deaf, dumb and silent on the issue. That's better than being dumb and vocal on sci.physics, especially if you talk to yourself a lot and keep telling everyone which candy bars you ate on which days. > Only physics can ask the question and give any sort of reasonable answer. Well, then, I guess you'll have to wait for someone else to ask it for you. -- K. P.S. Archie, HUGS & SQUEEZEZ !!!! GET WELL SOON !!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.logic,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: If one major physics parameter is infinite, then all are Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 08:34:57 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh In sci.logic and sci.physics, Mark William Hopkins (hunk@alpha1.csd.uwm.edu) wrote: > > The biggest mistake a person can make in their vigilant watch is to ignore > the ramblings of an individual following the same path forged by others > in history before, only to seem them reemerge 10 years down the line in a > much more menacing form, just because nobody took them seriously enough > at the time to stop them before it was too late. > > You MUST listen to Archimedes and others who feel compelled to constantly > ramble on about conspiracies, about how everyone else seems to have it > wrong, and about how they (and they alone) seem to have the one absolute > truth. > > For, need I remind you, that the reason we even have nukes in the first > place (and the reason Einstein, himself, signed his name to the petition > to approve the go-ahead), was to exterminate the vermin that infested > Germany under the banner of the Nazi party, and under the name of such > a person: Hitler. > > The only difference is that his ramblings were printed in Mein Kampf, > instead of on the Internet. > > Next time, hopefully, it won't get to the point where we have to bring > out the nukes again. Yeah! It made a real mess when we dropped that atomic bomb on Hitler! By the way, I see one little problem with your analogy that Archimedes Plutonium is Hitler: We had to drop a million nuclear bombs on Hitler to get him to to change the subject, but on few days Archie discovers a new kind of candy bar and develops a different idee fixe. I figure sooner or later he'll either accidentally drop a nuclear bomb on himself while he's trying to genetically combine lasagna and socks, or else he'll just wander off into traffic like Einstein kept doing. -- K. My analogy that Archie is Einstein seems better than your about Einstein being Hitler, which says a LOT about your analogy... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Kids Say the STUPIDEST Things. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1999 10:22:11 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Pope Emperor FrogMaN (popellus_frogmannus@lart.com) wrote: > > I got this off some Christian Humor (which is an oxymoron) website. > > When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed > with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed > with explosions. But last night I had a jar of olives stuffed with capers which were made in Croatia (the olives, too.) They're from some Croatian city with the funny funny name of "Split, Croatia". Anyway, around the edge of the tiny jar's lid it says: IMPORTED DELICACY FROM THE ADRIATIC - THE CLEANEST COAST IN THE MEDITERRANEAN Wow! These olives were fished out of the ocean in the least filthy bay in Eastern Europe! Next they'll tell me that Bavaria has started selling tuna from the least polluted part of the Black Forest! Anyway, when you split (get it? "split"? har! har!) these olives open, inside there are tasty capers that taste kinda like olives, and vice versa. So what I'd like to know is, if you bite an atom in half and lick the frosting out of its creamy center, does the frosting taste like the rest of the atom and vice versa? If so, this proves that atoms are not indivisible because they have frosting inside!!! -- K. (at this point, this article is abruptly terminated as a sheet-metal robot stomps across your screen bellowing "MUST! SPLIT! CROATIA!" He vaporizes everyone in alt.religion.kibology, and all that remains is a tree with the word "CROATIAN" carved into it.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: NBC Aims for Less Sex in Shows Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 11:18:05 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Lynn Elber, Associated Press Television Writer, wrote in clari.living.tv: > > Subject: NBC Aims for Less Sex in Shows Allow me to fix the grammar: Subject: NBC Aims for Fewer Sexes in Shows At one of the local Star Markets they have an aisle with a printed plastic "8 ITEMS OR LESS" sign right next to an identically-styled "8 ITEMS OR FEWER" sign, and this juxtaposition is considerably more egregiously bozotic than just having the wrong one. The only way this could be stupider is if one of the signs had a big sticker on it saying "THIS SIGN IS WRONG, DON'T PUT IT UP, EVEN THOUGH WE THINK OUR CUSTOMERS ARE TOO STUPID TO NOTICE RIGHT NEXT TO THE CORRECT ONE---->". > PASADENA, Calif. (AP) -- NBC is turning a cold shower on > overheated shows. > NBC Entertainment President Scott Sassa said Thursday the > network, home of such sexy comedies as ``Friends'' and ``Veronica's > Closet,'' needs to put less emphasis on bedroom antics. From now on, they'll only have sex in the living room. > ``In some cases, we could use a few more words between `Hello' > and `Would you sleep with me?''' Sassa told the Television Critics > Association. But note that they still won't put anything between the sex and "I gotta appointment inna morning, Bye!" > Sassa, who took over as top programmer last fall, said he also > wants NBC to show more traditional two-parent families, more > diversity and more programs set somewhere other than New York. MORE SHOWS ABOUT PEOPLE IN HARLEM AND CHINATOWN AND THE KOSHER SECTION, BUT ALL SET IN THE MIDDLE OF IOWA, AND ALL THE SHOWS SHOULD BE JUST LIKE "SEINFELD" EXCEPT ABOUT A TWO-PARENT FAMILY. ALSO NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE SEX BUT THERE SHOULD BE A NEW BABY IN EVERY EPISODE. > But it was his remark about toning down the sexual content in > series that prompted the most questions from reporters. Reporters SHOULD learn about it from their parents just like we didn't. > Sassa was quick to explain that he didn't mean NBC was turning > puritanical. ``We're not trying to create The Family Channel > here,'' he said. How about instead of "Must-See TV" they at least try for "Is Watchable TV" this season? > For a show like ``Friends,'' about singles living in the big > city, sexuality is a logical part of the formula, he said. CITIES MAKE YOU HAVE SEX! PEOPLE LIVING ON FARMS NEVER EVER HAVE SEX, ESPECIALLY WITH TRAVELLING SALESMEN! Hey, there's an idea! The show would be about a travelling salesman and every week he would go to a different farm and there would be a punchline! Then the recorded audience would go "WOOOOO!!!!!" > ``I'm not saying no sex. I'm saying less sex, and it depends on > the kind of show it is,'' Sassa said. ``When sex is used in a smart > way, it works out OK.'' Sex are brainy! I like it when they shout out "E=mc^2" while doing it! > ``Friends'' airs at 8 p.m. in many markets, and NBC, which also > focuses on young singles with comedies like ``Caroline in the > City'' and ``Just Shoot Me,'' has taken heat for scheduling racy > fare early in the evening. Yeah, some of us aren't even home from work then! > Sassa also acknowledged that NBC has weak spots in its schedule > outside of its key Thursday night lineup that includes ``ER'' and > ``Friends,'' but he said the network has several shows in > development for spring. New motto: "NBC: WE HAVE SEVERAL SHOWS UNDER DEVELOPMENT." NOW ON TWO NIGHTS A WEEK! IN MONTHS WITH "R". > They include ``Everything's Relative'' with Jeffrey Tambor (who > played Hank on ``The Larry Sanders Show'') and another sitcom > called ``Cold Feet,'' based on a British series. Oh, goody, another American TV show filmed from British scripts. As if that American knockoff of "Fawlty Towers" this year isn't going to be bad enough. I predict it'll be off the air faster than Eric Idle in that knockoff of "Beetlejuice", "Nearly Departed". Remember that, around 1987? It was about this stuffy professor ghost and his wife who were trying to scare the Yuppies out of their former home, and only the depressed kid in the black dress could see them, and it was JUST like "Beetlejuice" except with no budget or special effects or energy or ambition or originality or Silvia Sidney. > Asked to predict what effect Michael Jordan's retirement would > have on NBC's broadcast of NBA games, Sassa reached back to > Jordan's first retirement in 1993. > Ratings dipped 5 percent then, Sassa said, although the lockout > and the shortened season makes this year's situation more difficult > to gauge. Why don't they just air two solid hours of commercials starring Michael Jordan? People would love that. Unless it was opposite The Taco Bell Dog Hour or one of those witty witty California Raisins holiday specials. > -=-=- > AP NEWS > The Associated Press News Service > Copyright 1998 by The Associated Press > All Rights Reserved > > The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, > broadcast or redistributed without the prior written authority of > The Associated Press. > But then the AP had to give itself written permission to publish the thing which says they can't publish it without written permission, and to write out the permission, which is a form of publishing, they'd have to send themselves another note which says they can send the note saying they can publish the article, and their offices would fill up with paper and BURST!!! And then there would be paper everywhere and we'd all read it for free. -- K. (As if I'm paying for this NOW?) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology,alt.usenet.kooks,alt.sci.physics.plutonium From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: new newsgroup " sci.physics.atom-totality " Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 11:37:08 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > "Bunyip" wrote: > > > > Why don't you post your own Request for Discussion. > > All you need is 100 more "yes" votes than "no" votes and > > a 2/3 majority of yes votes. > > Mr. Birdbrain, check into the rules before you crow. I think the rules > are that if I get 100 votes, no matter how many negative votes, the > newsgroup is established. Gee, Arch, I tried to check your rules, but I can't seem to find a ladder high enough to reach your special little Universe. Here in the real world it's two-thirds "yes" votes in addition to 100 _more_ "yes"s than "no"s. > If 100 persons are interested is "enough of a mandate" to create the > newsgroup. If all it took were 100 "yes" votes, we'd have a lot of groups with names like sci.100.people.agree.that.archimedes.plutonium.is.an.idiot sci.100.more.people.agree.that.archimedes.plutonium.is.an.idiot sci.100.people.agree.that.the.200.people.above.agreed.that.archie.is.an.idiot sci.100.people.in.archies.head.wanted.this.newsgroup sci.100.people.agree.that.the.100.people.in.archie's.head.are.100.idiots > That is my understanding. You have reached the limits of your understanding in this Universe. You must put on your black Nikes, drape a purple cloth over your head, eat the poisoned Snack Pack non-refrigerated pudding, and away the UFO that will take you to your new life on Comet Hale-Bopp, where you will never be called an idiot by a hundred people, because only 95 are going. > [...] > > Or, anyone, I would like to create this new newsgroup since my ideas > create too many waves and stir-up the > conventional-behind-the-times-newsgroups. Yeah, sci.physics is too stirred-up, too conventional, too behind-the-times, and too up-your-mama's-ass. By the way, what's wrong with the existing alt.sci.physics.plutonium? -- K. It has no spam problem at all, especially since you don't post there. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.misc,sci.bio.technology,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology,alt.usenet.kooks From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: People even set up robots against me, to destroy an entire newsgroup, My, I am proud Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 08:42:20 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.psychology.misc, sci.bio.technology, and sci.chem, as usual, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to himself: > > [...] > > One of numerous spams to sci.bio.technology whenever I post to the > newsgroup. Yay! At last from the mouth of Archimedes Plutonium comes a dancing-bear-worthy sentence! Anyway, Archie, you've progressed to Step 1: Realization that there might be some connection between the fact that you post a lot of garbage to sci.bio.technology, and the fact that there's a lot of garbage in sci.bio.technology. Step 2 is asking for forgiveness, and Step 3 is trusting your life to a higher power, which in your case would be anything more intelligent than half a planarian. -- K. Now please tell me how to make the dancing bears go away! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Raisin Bran! Woo! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 07:57:23 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Culturally Sensitive Ed" (rohmon@ksu.edu) wrote: > > Mano mano man, I love das Rasin Bran. I like how each bowl has a > higher concentration of raisins than the last due to the settling effect > brought on by the manipulation of the box during the act of pouring > yourself a bowl. It roolz! The first time I read the Subject: line it said "Raisin Brain". I think it still might. RAISIN BRAN IS JUST POST TOTAL WITH RAISINS INSTEAD OF VITAMINS! YOU COULD MAKE YOUR OWN FROM SOME REALLY OLD POST TOTAL BY ADDING YOUR OWN RAISINS AND THEN IT WOULD BE BETTER BECAUSE IT COULD HAVE AS MANY RAISINS AS YOU WANTED, AND YOU COULD INSPECT THEM ALL TO MAKE SURE NONE OF THEM ARE THE SINGING DANCING CALIFORNIA RAISINS THAT EVERYONE LOVES!!! ALSO YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN ELECTRIC CAR OUT OF HEMP!!!!! > Just think if you had a bottomless box of RB... ...and you pushed Bob Hope in, and poured in an infinite amount of rancid milk. > would you eventually just get a bowl of just raisins or would there > always be at least one bran flake? Hmm... Actually, the cardboard would slowly flow downwards, like the glass in antique windows, so the bottom of the box would be made of cardboard six inches thick with no room for raisins or flakes, so you'd just have to eat three-dimensional blocks of cardboard. (In the kosher section, this is called "halvah".) Incidentally, I can prove to any bigots out there that the Jews do not run "the media" with this simple observation: NOBODY HAS EVER BROADCAST A COMMERCIAL FOR HALVAH! And, even more importantly: NO JEWISH PEOPLE WERE EVER ON "FAMILY FEUD"! -- K. Also one of the California Raisins is Jewish, and he's NOT the gay one! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Special preview for ARK only! Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 01:51:15 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > You can now follow this link: > > http://website.lineone.net/~david_pacheco/docs/best_of.pdf > > and download my latest "Best Of" alt.religion.kibology anthology. Full > of surprises and special appearances, it's guaranteed to be the ride of > the century. The millennium, even! > > Please, though: this is a limited release, on a need-to-know basis. If > anyone asks you about it, claim ignorance. Then kill them. Several > times, if necessary. I clicked on the link and it downloaded in about .027 seconds here (which my Web browser euphemistically refers to as "< 1 minute", while longer times are "About one minute") so it must not be any good. Oops, I mentioned your little PDF so now I gotta show a picture of your entire PDF when I print this article in *my* Spring 1999 "Best Of A.R.K" book. I guess that means I win. MY SIGNATURE IS BIGGER THAN YOUR WHOLE PDF! By the way, shame on you for not embedding the necessary fonts for me to see what that "Haettenschweiler" you used is. I WANNA SEE YOUR HAETTENSCHWEILER! Also I can tell from the font substitutions that your Haettenschweiler is very narrow. -- K. Incidentally, should I post the 1991 A.R.K anthology or the 1997B anthology next? Both are progressing nicely. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.astro From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Stupid ad of the week Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 09:14:54 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor [re a sci.astro and sci.astro.amateur discussion of how common photos of people peering into the wrong ends of reflecting telescopes are] "Sean or Debbie Barr" (betelgeux1@yahoo.com) wrote: > > Art imitating life > > I was out with my scope one night and a young couple spotted me and the > boyfriend started to make a few obsevations about me and my setup (4.5" > reflector). > > "Man, what an idiot he's got that pointed at the ground, I had two just like > that and you could see everything with it. Even pluto and it's four moons" > > At this point I invited them to have a look at Saturn, the guy had seen > everything and decined, but the girl wanted to see. As she was doing the "oh > wow!" bit she quietly asked me if I could show her pluto. When I told her > that I couldn't she asked me how many moons it had. After clearing up some > boyfriend induced myths she looked at me and said "Do you think he's an > asshole?" "Well, I don't think I would say that." "I WOULD! ROGER! YOU LYING > PIECE OF ..." > > I never get tired of that story, She must have went on for a half hour > telling him how stupid he was. I had to pack up and go home, every time I > tried to get a look at anything the word pluto would come to mind and I lost > it again. HEY! I really DID see the four moons of Pluto, including the one with the two rings around it at right angles, before you messed up my hot date with that vivacious -- ...oh, it's no use pretending, I'm lying, I've never had a hot telescope date. But at least I know which end of a telescope is the good one. I mean, one of 'em's OPEN. (If it's a good telescope.) Anyway, scientists are now working to determine the correlation between skill with a telescope and dating prowess. -- K. I would just like to point out that at least the guy in the story was more knowlegable than Alexander Abian and Archimedes Plutonium combined. And I apologize for putting the idea of a half-Abian, half-Plutonium monster into your mind. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.astro From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Stupid ad of the week Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 06:20:34 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Birmingham Gremlin" (gremlin@newsguy.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > And I apologize for putting the idea of a half-Abian, half-Plutonium > > monster into your mind. > > You EVIL EVIL EVIL person. You now realise we will all have to > check under our beds to see if an Aleximedes Abitonium is lurking under > there. It's okay. Remember, it's the bottom half of Plutonium grafted onto the bottom half of Abian. You're safe as long as you remember to wash the floor before you eat off it. Also, be VERY careful not to tie your shoes to its shoes. -- K. TIME HAS BEEN SUPERDETERMINED TO BE A GIANT PLUTONIUM ATOM WHOSE INERTIA MAKES ME LIKE SHREDDED COCONUT, VENUS MUST BE MADE TO INVEST IN BIOTECH STOCKS TO CLONE PLUTO LIKE IN THE MOVIE "THE ROAD TO WELLVILLE" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Stupidity In Your Front Window. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 07:47:29 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor slow djinn (rone@ennui.org) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > PSSSSST, WANT SOME SPORES? > > How about some s'pores? They're vegan s'mores: portobello mushroom > caps, carob, and whipped tofu. It's not the tofu part that makes them good. It's the whipped part. > SOYLENT TOFU IS PEOPLE!!!! Also, the supermarket version of S'pores is made from imitation mushrooms (made from dryer lint paste and "finely ground mushroom stems and pieces and parts of pieces") topped with Soylent Whiz and artifical carob, which is made from artificial locust bean shells plus artificial wax which happens to be the color of a box of crayons when it is recycled after the kid wears down or loses the black, silver, and primary colors and is left only with various permutations of brown and other colors that taste like carob. S'pores are available in convenient nine-packs which are sold in bundles of seven, also, you can't split a case of eleven bundles of seven nine-packs without eating one in the supermarket's office to prove that you really are that big a bozo. S'pores. New, from the makers of S'pork and S'not Butter. -- K. What happens if you put S'pock and G'kar into a bottle and shake it really hard? Would Majel "Rod" Barrenberry marry it? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Teletubby deaths reported in the media? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 07:29:52 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.folklore.urban, Henrik Schmidt (Henrik.Schmidt@hh.hosp.dk) wrote: > > A short notice in my Sunday Paper told the following horror story. [...] > The story, which is attributed to New York Times, goes like this: > > "Several small children have been injured, and at least two killed, > because the TV fell on top of them when they tried to hug the > Teletubbies on the screen." I've had a similar problem with "Baywatch", but not with hugging. > The paper I saw it in was "Politiken", one of the three major 'serious' > newspapers in Denmark. They're not usually prone to spreading > unsubstatiated rumours, but I think something smells fishy here... "Dear Teletubbies, You Smell Like Fish. Also I Get To See The Guts Of A Turtal." <-- if you're in alt.folklore.urban, ask Matt McIrvin to explain this to you. > Henrik "The 'tubbies have invaded Denmark now, too. My children, of > course, love them. Sigh!" Schmidt TODAY, DENMARK! TOMORROW, WE HUG THE WORLD!!! -- K. There aren't enough pictures of Tinky-Winky with a Hitler mustache on the Web. Let's get to work. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.econ,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: The Case for Capital Controls Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1999 10:07:53 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor William F. Hummel (wfhummel@mediaone.net) wrote: > > This timely article was written in December 1998 by one of > America's most distinguished economists. I thought it was worth > reprinting for the benefit of subscribers to sci.econ. -wfh- > > THE CASE FOR CAPITAL CONTROLS > by Paul Davidson I D0NT AGGREE !!!!11 THEIR SHU0LD B N0 C0NTR0LZ 0N CAPIT0LS !!!!!!!1 S0METIMEZ THE CAPS L0CK KEY IS L0CKED ALL THE WAY D0WN WHEN I START 2 TYPE & IT D0ES IT AUT0MATICALLY !!!!!!!!!!11 & M0ST 0F THE TIME 0N THE INTER NET U HAV 2 SHU0T 2 BE HERD ANY WAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 S0 I AGGREE WITH U THAT THEY"RE SHU0LD B N0 C0NTR0LZ 0N CAPIT0LS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 CAPIT0LS R00L !!!!! Y0U"RE FREIND ,,, KIBIFF !!!!! @ WEBTV.C0M ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: the star wars of the millinium Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 09:19:05 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.astro, "clinton ball" (CKAVABAL@webtv.net) wrote: > Has anyone else ever noticed that WebTV users tend to be incapable of capitalizing their own names despite their love of excessive capitalization? > ms lewinsky really messed up the president plan to get his space > rocket on saturn as a personal achievement because it just wasn't > powerful enough for the her future.....you can bet he'll make sure he > doesn't make any mistake next time and that could possibly be real > swell...... His space rocket? Excuse me, I think Al Gore did at least HALF the engineering! -- K. However, Clinton did build Evel's Sky-Cycle himself. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: misc.writing.screenplays,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Useless Advice - - Re: Do I need to show the birth? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 10:29:36 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In misc.writing.screenplays, jervis_dedalus@my-dejanews.com wrote: > > I am so glad that I finally condescended to click into this thread in order > to see the sort of thing this spastic writes out there on his own whilst > sucking no juice out of my being and existence. And what do I find? I find > a level of utter inanity that beggers description! I really loved you as "Eros" in "Plan Nine From Outer Space". Do the "Solaronite" speech for us! The one about how the Sun is like a string tied to a can of gasoline! -- K. And you were good in Andy Warhol's favorite movie, too. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: rec.arts.bodyart,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: vertical vs. horizontal hood Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 06:40:54 GMT X-Complaints-To: If you experience problems with this article, dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In rec.arts.bodyart, wicked_bitch@my-dejanews.com wrote: > > HI everyone, > > I have a few questions about hood piercings. I have a horizontal pierce, and > I was thining of teaming it up with a vertical pierce too..but what I am not > sure of is 1) how they would "play" together, and if the grouping of the two, > or even just the vertical would interfere much with oral sex. The other > thing I was wondering was if it would be more feasable, since i'm not even > usure that my hood would support a vertical, that i get a triangle...does a > triangle work well with a horizontal hood? Any imput appreciated. > > Thanks > > Ashen I would just like to jump in and say that I thought the Subject: line said "vertical vs. horizontal food", and so I spent several valuable seconds thinking up trite observations to make about how much better pizza would be if you balanced it on edge, and why do they call them "Fruit Roll-Ups" if they lie down, but then I re-read your post more carefully and realized that my brain was just trying to fool me into saying something stupid, so I wisely decided not to say any of that stuff. I know more about sideways food than about body-piercing, hence I apologize for being unable to provide any useful imput. -- K. (Wasn't that the same typo that killed Chris Franks?) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Weekend Notes Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 07:52:12 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > [stuff about how he personally hangs out with Bill Gates at the > local Cineplex elided] > > Bill and Melinda seemed to have enjoyed the movie, and he has a goofy > laugh as she joked with him before the show started. Bill... Gates... can... laugh? I figured that he would just shout "ERROR! ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" and then his head would pop open and all the clockwork springs would shoot out towards your eyes. > Also, I saw Bill Gates nuzzle his wife. Ew. I bet that, like during the attempted arrest scene in "Demolition Man", he kept looking at his Personal Digital Assistant which would suggest the proper procedures. "SLOWLY MOVE FORWARD UNTIL LIPS TOUCH SOMETHING." > 3. I got a haircut. From Bill Gates. > 4. I just made sugar cookies, but I realized I don't have frosting, and I > don't have the powdered sugar to make frosting, and WTF, I don't even > have cookie cutters, which I knew, but my idea for cut-out shapes was > both lame and difficult. Like Bill Gates. > So I cut them in long wavey strips and put lines of dyed-red sugar on > them: Bacon Cookies. Those sound good, but only if you ran out of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and refilled your butter bottle with bacon grease. Mmm, cookies sprayed with bacony goodness. Don't forget that if they're really bacony, too, you have to cook them four at a time in the microwave. Remember, it takes up to fifteen minutes to cook your bacon in a real oven, or only about twenty to cook each set of four strips for three minutes in the nukerowave. > Like one of my posts every once in a while, or all of Alex Suter's posts, > I laugh out loud every time I look at them. Bill Gates wouldn't even laugh at funny funny bacon cookies. -- K. I pity anyone who cannot laugh at things that look like bacon, unless they have many billion dollars, in which case they should be strapped to the nose of Evel Knievel's SkyCycle and launched into a distant sun made of boiling Cheez Whiz. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: What I Learned From Kevin Nash Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 07:19:28 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor doctoraaron@mindless.com wrote, with a WebTV: > > Today, I had to make a big choice in my life. On TNT was WCW Monday Nitro. > On USA, WWF Raw. What to do? Why, turn on the TeeVee in the kitchen and > WATCH BOTH! But I thought they emphasized in the commercials that people with WebTVs are better than us because they can watch two TV shows *and* be annoying on the Internet all with their old cheapo Goldstar TV set. I put it to you that you're only PRETENDING to have a WebTV to look like a big shot in the WebTV chat rooms. > [...] A swinging fist, (or foot, elbow, hair, whatever) does not actually > have to make contact with one's opponent to send him reeling into the > turnbuckle, and stunned with shock until just the right moment to lure > his opponent into a false sense of security. (1) he knows the word "turnbuckle", (2) he can spell it, and (3) he figured out on his own that pro wrestling might be fake. He's lying about the WebTV. > AND DON'T TRY TO ARGUE WITH MY FINDINGS, BECAUSE I'LL LAWSUIT YOU! ON > PAY-PER-VIEW!! IN A STEEL CAGE!!! Won't work, I spent the entire morning opening buckets of artificial maple syrup here in the community college cafeteria, so I'll whup your ass as this activity gave me super-human strength AND the power to divine the large-scale structure of the universe from the flavor of coconut. -- K. (4) he doesn't have a big HTML-based .signature with a diagonally scrolling transparent digital clock in it and no text. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,rec.arts.tv.interactive From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: WHY IT WILL BOMB: WINTER 1999 Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 07:11:57 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Chris Franks (chris_franks@hp.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > NBC'S "seaQuest: DSV" COULD KICK THE BUTT OF MOST OF THESE SHOWS! > > This is simultaneously the saddest and truest statement of the > season. When you see that the worst of the old stuff is better than > the best of the new stuff, it's time to move on. But... I realized that when I was seven. It's true EVERY year. Just look at the Golden Age Of Television, 1928-1931. The only things that were on were cowboy shows and "The Life Of Riley" starring Jackie Gleason's father as the future Jackie Gleason, and all the shows were filmed with one camera (which meant long delays between shows as they moved it to the other studio) and it was in black and white and there were only eight scan lines, so the evening news was reduced to convenient "I Ching" format. Then the next year, TV started to suck. -- K. How DID Bobby Brady know it was "Mom's favorite vase"? Did she spend every evening rating all her vases on a scale of 1 to 10? I am so glad TV isn't as good as "The Brady Bunch" any more because now when I watch these reruns I can pretend they were once actually entertaining. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology,news.groups,alt.usenet.kooks From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: RFD: sci.physics.atom-totality Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 09:27:53 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: news.groups In sci.physics and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > I believe a better name for this new newsgroup is > sci.physics.atom-totality > > totality is more encompassing, all-inclusive > > sci.physics.231pu is too narrow and too many would forget the numbers > > also, there would be a prank trick played on those numbers Yeah, people are always pulling pranks on numbers. Like that time some guy tied 3's shoelaces together, or that time 17 found a frog in its bed. Please tell use more on why people would play pranks on digits in your special little world. > I will moderate it. > > [...] > > Create it for me and many problems are solved. For one, I can > concentrate solely upon this newsgroup. > > [...] > > Create me this moderated newsgroup of sci.physics.atom-totality and > the confrontational level that a revolutionary such as myself faces > will be reduced from both sides Okay, fine. I'll propose it, and then if the matter ever comes to a vote and 2/3 of the people on the Internet think you're sane, and also 100 more people think you're sane than think you're crazy, you'll get the group. To get the ball rolling, here's a formal proposal for your newsgroup: PROPOSAL: sci.physics.atom-totality ...to be moderated by The King Of Science, Archimedes Plutonium, whose body of work yields the quintessential definition of what is science and what isn't. CHARTER: sci.physics.atom-totality is for discussion of the Plutonium Atom Totality, shredded coconut, infinitely long numbers, bicycle seats, imaginary lawsuits, reincarnated racehorses, Wile E. Coyote cartoons, and dishwashing. Every post in sci.physics.atom-totality must involve all those things, and nothing else. Furthermore, every posting must begin with the phrase "ALL HAIL THE KING OF SCIENCE!" and end with the phrase "I'M BEING SARCASTIC!" and have nothing in between. Every time anyone posts to the newsgroup, Kibo and all employees of AOL and NASA receive ten dollars (double if the post is a reply to oneself from a crazy person who likes coconut.) No posts to sci.physics.atom-totality will be accepted until the moderator completely rewrites them in a futile attempt to make someone other than himself look like a total idiot. All posts which are rejected by the moderator will be returned to the sender with an imaginary lawsuit (in a pretty font). For safety purposes, the newsgroup will be rigged with an atomic detonator which will explode if the moderator ever posts to any other newsgroups, and said detonator will be located in his pants. Also, as the newsgroup sci.physics.atom-totality may only be posted to by The King Of Science and his imaginary followers, from now on the existing newsgroup alt.sci.physics.plutonium must be used ONLY for open mockery of Archimedes Plutonium's tragic mental condition. SPECIAL NOTE: sci.physics.atom-totality will also be the honor of the first newsgroup to be patented. This patent is pending and is on display in the Very Special File in the Library of Congress. -- K. Would I lie? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: news.groups,sci.chem,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: RFD: sci.physics.atom-totality Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3015 centons, 19 microns, 0.02 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1999 09:58:00 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.plutonium In news.groups,sci.chem, and sci.physics, the King of Science, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > David Wolff (dwolff@world.std.com) writes: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > PROPOSAL: sci.physics.atom-totality > > > > > > ...to be moderated by The King Of Science, Archimedes Plutonium, > > > whose body of work yields the quintessential definition of > > > what is science and what isn't. > > > > This is the finest newsgroup proposal I have ever seen and I fully > > support it. I hope the CFV comes up as soon as possible and I urge > > everyone to vote "FRELB" on it. > > Thanks; not sure what FRELB means. Functionally Retarded Enormous Loser Bozo, you FRELB. > I had read a long time ago that sometimes newsgroups are created > without going through the regular motions and channels, in rare > circumstances. I would like to appeal that my case is a rare > circumstance Oh, thank God. > in that it would lessen the noise level in the science > newsgroups where I have posted for the past 6 years, by confining my > posts to just one newsgroup. The Internet's first padded newsgroup. > The noise level would be considerably > reduced in the entire science hierarchy. Arch, I can think of a way you could eliminate ALL the noise from the science newsgroups, and all it would take would be your bathtub and a fifty-five gallon drum of sulfuric acid. (Or maybe you'd only need thirty gallons 'cause you're short, like most kings. Inbreeding, you know.) -- K. Vote FRELB on Archimedes Plutonium now! Vote FRELB all over Archimedes Plutonium! With spray paint! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.misc,soc.misc From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Things I worry about. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 06:40:39 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology 1. What if some evil person invents Hamburger Hurter? Also, if you add Hamburger Helper to Hamburger Helper, is it really twice as helpful? 2. Can people put rubber sheets on a leather bed? What if they're two different plaids? 3. Popeye and Olive Oyl are finally getting married after 70 years of living in sin. Will they invite Bluto to their marriage? What about Brutus? Will the reception serve hamburgers so Wimpy will come? Just how many decades old is baby Swee'Pea, anyway? After 70 years, why do the "Popeye" people even try? 4. Why does the American Express logo, a cyan square with Battlestar Galactica lettering, look completely different from anything featured on their green credit cards? Who is that androgynous Spartan in the ellipse? Where is the dividing line between an ellipse and an oval, and between an oval and an obround, and between an obround and a superellipse? Are superellipses vulnerable to two-dimensional Kryptonite? Will Superman come to Popeye's stupid wedding? 5. Where can I use the new metaphor I just thunk up, "Like getting a wedgie while wearing edible underwear, it doesn't hurt much, but you lose your appetite"? 6. Also, isn't all underwear technically edible? Has anyone ever worn a G-string made of a mixture of lava, cyanide, and spherical diamonds eight feet in diameter just to prove that it is possible to make inedible underwear? If edible underwear is a "novelty item", why doesn't it come in a garlic flavor that makes your mouth turn black? -- K. 7. Who made up the word "word"? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Things I worry about. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3009 centons, 15 microns, 0.17 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 11:06:21 GMT X-Complaints-To: Problems with this article? Dial 1-800-CALL-THX. Organization: Stately Kibo Manor K.M. Mennie (ay028@FreeNet.Carleton.CA) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > > > > 1. What if some evil person invents Hamburger Hurter? Also, if you > > add Hamburger Helper to Hamburger Helper, is it really twice as helpful? > > "Too many cooks spoil the broth"! Unless you're a cannibal and push them in. > Anyway, jesus! With me it is mostly just spiders that I worry about, or at > least it was until I read this post which was SCARY. Kia, Kia, Kee-uh, how many times do I have to tell you, daddy longlegses aren't spiders! They're mammals like you and me. Only with more eyes and legs, and their legs start dancing after you detach 'em. As I type this, CNN Headline News is telling me about some lucky baby who was born with a rare skin condition that causes blisters all over her entire body if she ever touches any solid matter, but fortunately the brainy docs are gradually replacing her entire skin with patches of artificial skin made from... wait for it... DISCARDED FORESKINS FROM CIRCUMCISED BABIES. Now, as if having blisters all over your body whenever you're anywhere except floating in deep space without a spacesuit isn't bad enough, they've replaced that painful condition with the poor little baby having to grow up knowing that their entire body is covered in other people's severed penis parts... AND SHE'S A GIRL! Or was a girl. Anyway, I think she'll probably grow up to be just like that guy in David Cronenberg's "Rabid". This has been a public service announcement to give Kia something new to worry about. Plus it was on TV while I was typing. > I am going grocery shopping in a bit and now I am going to have to wonder > about Hamburger Helper, Many people have wondered about Hamburger Helper over the years. For instance, why are you not allowed to add good-quality beef to it, only ground meat? And how come when you're done you don't get hamburgers? Why can you put chicken in Tuna Helper and turkey in Hamburger Helper but not hamburger in Chicken Helper or tuna in Veal Helper, and why doesn't Veal Helper exist? I LIKE VEAL AND I WANT TO HELP VEAL! > which is bad enough because I was already messed up about just how > happy the Glad GladWare really was, and -- yikes. For you people who are afraid that your food containers are having more fun than you are, here is my Disposable, Burpable Container Cheat Sheet: * RubberMaid -- Has a fetishistic name. Beware. * Playtex -- Has a fetishistic name. Beware. * Glad -- Is made by a gay-rights organization. Used to be advertised by Peter Graves in a silver Nehru jacket, then by Tom Bosley. * Hefty -- Is heftable. > Here is some good advice: > > I suggest that everyone buy their groceries in the middle of the night at > a supermarket that is surrounded by isolated areas, because you see a lot > of FREAKS. How did you know I was about to post about today's experiences at the Prudential Star late at night? They actually got plastic replacement DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR bars at long last! (They advertise American Express. "Hmm, I was going to get a MasterCard, but American Express must be better because when I was at the supermarket it was printed on the block of plastic that sits there and looks menacing between my groceries and the smelly guy's.") These new dividers? They don't work. She rang up three (3) of my groceries on the previous guy's order while I was protesting. Then she couldn't figure out whose were whose so a manager came over and voided it all and started ringing up the previous guy's groceries again, after telling her to stand in the corner and be quiet. I'm not kidding. She tried to explain what was going on but he told her to get out of the way and shut up, and he started running her register while she stood there looking unhappy. Anyway, I wouldn't have had this experience if the DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR bars had been the homey old kraft-paper-bag-rolled-up-with-a-rubber-band ones which I would have been happy to use, but the new ones failed because I didn't put one between my order and the previous one because, hey, it said "AMERICAN EXPRESS", and I didn't want the stupid clerk to think I wanted to put my groceries on a credit card I don't have. Also, I like how it's your responsiblity to put the DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR in front of your groceries, but it's the next guy's responsibility to put one behind your groceries. Who comes up with these societal conventions, and why didn't I get that job writing for "Seinfeld"? > All the people with no noses but three ears and seventeen > fingers who used to be in circuses and stuff, plus crazy old hippies with > topaz necklaces and other people you just do not see anymore, go shopping > in the middle of the night so there are not lots of little kids to stare > at them, just me. Actually, I didn't see any goofy people (except the staff) at the Pru Star tonight when I stopped in on my way back from the Comba^H^H^H^H^HChinatown area. Also, they sold the one Tofurky(TM) boxed Thanksgiving dinner (about $25) they had had which I kept checking on. (You can sell anything if people notice it's the Last One! So if you stock crappy food, only order one. This strategy always works, except in the case of that one Pel-Freez(TM) Frozen Stew Rabbit in the back of the kosher freezer in every market.) The Prudential Star, by the way, has a freezer way in the back which is half frozen kosher food and half frozen squid, lobster, and miscellaneous. But I'm sure nobody notices because they don't have that big warning sign on the front door which says "THIS MARKET SELLS KOSHER AND NON-KOSHER FOODS! WARNING, WARNING! THE BOXES OF FROZEN SHRIMP MIGHT HAVE TOUCHED THE BOXES OF FROZEN BLINTZES AT SOME TIME IN THE PAST!" > Also sometimes it is like being in a contest where you > won all the groceries in your cart for free, because the people who work > there are scared of the hippies and don't come out, and I think most > people would probably just walk out if it were not for the fact that it is > hard to carry groceries with no bags. Last time I had to go around the > store yelling "HEY!", since a lot of people here have horses and I thought > that would get somebody's attention, and it did, and they were all > surprised to see me, as if it was not a STORE THAT WAS OPEN but their own > home, and I had to explain "Look, I have these groceries here and I would > like to give you money for them." This actually took quite a long time. Next time you're there when there is only one cashier on duty at 3 A.M., and he's sweeping the floors at the other end of the market, go into the warehouse section (past the blue light bulb that kills all known diseases, through the icnredibly filthy clear vinyl strips you have to push your way through with your face) and check out the dairy cooler, meat locker, and the hose-down-able vegetable and butcher rooms. Then find the little employee break room and laugh at the Metallica poster on the wall above the one elementary-school style chair next to the 150-watt microwave covered with cigarette burns. Also look for the giant trash compactor that only takes cardboard boxes and see if any of your friends want to go for a ride. "It's okay to get in, it only crushes BOXES!" -- K. Also look for watermelon-shaped mildew rings on the floor.