Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Books That Scared Me Today. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Sun, 14 Feb 1999 08:57:46 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In the "IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS WE FEEL YOU MUST BUY" section of the bookstore today, I saw: (1) A big hardcover novel by Fannie Flagg. AIIIIEEE!!! FANNIE FLAGG!!! She's only writing books to make it harder for me to confuse her with JoAnn Pflug!!! (2) A thick book on how to survive "Y2K". I know there are a lot of these, and they're all bozo books. But this was the first time I glanced at one in the flesh. I flipped it open and it told me to "max out" all my credit cards in December. I am hard-pressed to think of dumber advice for any situation whatsoever, except "Always jump off the Empire State Building to avoid any injuries." (3) A book titled "The Complete Idiot's Guide To The Impeachment Of The President". Published as rapidly as possible. Hit the stands the day after he was acquitted. The back cover advertised that the book featured KENNETH STARR'S BIOGRAPHY!!!! I can just imagine the stack of price tags on this book after it's sat on the remainder rack for a few years. Next to "Your 1977 Aquarius Horoscope" and "How To Prepare For The Change-Over To The Metric System". oh, and (4) I forgot to look for any good books. -- K. if JoAnne Pflug wrote a novel, Gene Shalit would yell "MORE LIKE A PUH-FLOP!" Probably at 3 A.M. Long before hearing of her. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.bio.technology,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: two clues that fungal DNA/RNA causes prion diseases Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Mon, 15 Feb 1999 06:28:08 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > [to someone who tried to reason with Archie as if Archie could understand] > > Time for you to shove-off, or move along. Your science is too weak > and narrow for my interests. I do not see your name in the list of > recognized scientists. So, Arch, where is this list, and how far away from it are you? -- K. I formally recognize Archimedes Plutonium. As "that creepy-looking guy." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.edu,dartmouth.talk.kiewit,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Dartmouth to end Greek system; social change Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Mon, 15 Feb 1999 06:53:05 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: sci.edu In sci.edu and dartmouth.talk.kiewit, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > [...] > > Thinking back to my own education at UC and later at USU, I hope you demanded a refund after such bad results. Be sure to check the boxes on the refund form that say "[X] I enrolled by mistake because I'm a bozo," and "[X] I'm still a bozo," and "[X] I grew up to be a dishwasher." > that the prime social criterion I was hoping to find was quietness so that I > could concentrate. New concentrated Archimedes Plutonium! One drop of Archie contains more insanity than Bucky Fuller and Philip K. Dick combined! His little finger is crazier than your whole body! And don't even think about his butt! I said, DON'T THINK ABOUT ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM'S CRAZY BUTT! Okay, fine, be that way, think about his butt. I'll be over here watching TV. > I was always away from my living quarters for some remote place on campus I hope you demanded another refund after never living in your living quarters. > where I could not be distracted and read and concentrate in peace. I was going to ask if you were trying to escape the voices in your head, but then I remembered that this wouldn't fool you, the world's most accomplished scientist, so you must be aware that sound can't penetrate a vacuum. > And when I wanted to socialize, it was with those who shared my interests. Let me guess. Your personal ad said something like "Insane dishwasher and physics super-genius seeks someone almost as smart as I am, but no smarter, to listen to me and never ever ask any questions about my wacky theories. Must assist in my cloning experiments and mopping up afterwards. No weirdos." -- K. I think it would be great if Archie really had figured out how to clone himself, 'cause then we could all point at him and snicker, "OH, HE'S SUCH A CLONE!" Then Robin Williams would come out of a giant egg. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Finally. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Mon, 15 Feb 1999 07:27:28 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > I finally get a picture of myself scanned.... I think you did it wrong, it made your skin all gray and stuff. Like in the first issue of "The Incredible Hulk", before they changed from a manly gray to a pretty green. > http://www.primenet.com/~nickb/nickb.gif Oh my god. You're the illegitimate son of Criswell and Tor Johnson, conceived on the set of "Plan 9 From Outer Space" while Bela Lugosi spent six hours looking for his door's keyhole, Kenne Duncan tried to fine the holes in Vampira's dress, and Ed Wood played "dress-up" with Jack Benny! this means that YOU WERE CONCEIVED NEAR PERVERTS!!! > I guess I should put up a decent web page soon on account of this. Nick, you know, it's the Web, we can't REALLY see you, you could put up a photo of someone who looks massively cool -- like Tron or the average Alex Toth super-villain -- and we'd be fooled. -- K. Why do you think there are no photos on www.kibo.com? Because I know I couldn't even attempt to fool you people about how super-cool I look because I could never live up to your concept of how ultra-cool I am. (But it's okay if you wan to be proud of your Swedish pro-wrestler and television psychic jeans, too. We accept you for who your parents were.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.politics.jaffo,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: The Official Cartoon of Alt.Politics.Jaffo Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1999 09:56:47 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > [re a Dilbert cartoon where a guy shows Dilbert his butt] > > It just happens to be the only Dilbert that even went just entirely > over my head. By any chance, did you see that cartoon about five seconds before someone snapped that photo on your Web page? That's the great thing about the Internet. Everyone accepts you as an equal 'cause nobody can see what you look like until you post a photo of yourself. AND THEN EVERYONE STARTS KICKING YOU 'CAUSE ON THE INTERNET EVERYONE CAN KICK ALL THEY WANT WITHOUT ACTUALLY HURTING YOU!!! HEY EVERYBODY IT'S OKAY TO BE MEAN TO NICK NOW THAT WE'VE SEEN A PHOTO OF HIM! The Internet is MEAN!!! Also, the Internet LOOKS DOPEY!!! -- K. Also, I hear that Dilbert wasn't a success until they droped the other character, Dilernie, when their gay creator, John Henson, died. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.time-travel,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: What is this different kind of coil? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Wed, 17 Feb 1999 08:39:14 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.sci.time-travel, Thomas Gerchak (gerchak@flash.net) wrote: > > I am not really clear about this coil that has flux lines running > parallel to the wire rather than perpendicular. It actually exhibits > some type of time dilation? Is it possible to wind your own? I tried to make one of these myself, but I did it wrong, so instead of the field lines running parallel to the wire, they all went into my eye! It hurt! And when they went out of the back of my head they went into my dog Spot, and he was so time dilated that he ages a year whenever he watches "60 Minutes"! > As I understand it, there is a company out of TX shipping them. Can someone > elaborate their personal view about the coil, if it is known to them? I try not to let my personal feelings about coils intrude into my work. I would have so much difficulty using coils, and destructively testing them, if I came to know and care for them. You know, like the way Archimedes Plutonium loves his pet atom. -- K. I hear Archie wants a divorce 'cause his atom keeps slapping him around. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.bio.technology,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Blood-Brain-Barrier; bad prions go through?? Re: two clues that fungal DNA/RNA causes prion diseases Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1999 08:59:19 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > [in reply to a sane person explaining why Archie was wrong] > > Obviously my question was not really challenging enough. Let me start > over. Go ahead. We'll wait for you to work your way up to the fifth grade again. > A better question was this. What is the overall density of bad prions > inside an infected individual? More to the point, what is the density of an insane dishwasher? > Do bad prions concentrate only in the brain? Perhaps if you twirled your hair while chewing gum and singing "A Mighty Fortress Is Our Atom Totality", the prions would be unable to concentrate. Especially if you made all the chairs in the world really uncomfortable in a way that only affected prions. > Or are bad prions found throughout the body of an infected person? WHEN BAD PRIONS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. > And if found distributed throughout the body, is the > concentration greatest in the brain? What if the brain is found throughout the body? Huh? BETCHA NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! > Tonight I saw an article in New Scientist on this very issue of > blood-brain-barrier. What I am looking for is the transport system of > bad prions caused by DNA particles elsewhere in the body, perhaps even > the blood brain barrier itself, and where the brain is merely a > depository accumulation of these bad prions. Dear Archie, Yes, I agree with your theory completely, your brain is merely a depository accumulation of bad stuff. But I am confused. You used to say that you were "a super-genius" and "The King Of Science And Logic" because you had a single plutonium atom at the center of your brain. Now you say your head is stuffed to the bursting point with "bad prions". Have you discovered a new form of prion made entirely out of plutonium atoms, or are you just slightly confused? -- K. I deleted the stuff he quoted about rat fetuses because we want to read about Archie, not gross little rat fetuses. Archie is slightly less gross. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.edu,dartmouth.talk.kiewit,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Apprentice System for Dartmouth Re: Dartmouth to end Greek system Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1999 09:18:30 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.edu and dartmouth.talk.kiewit, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to his own reply to himself: > > Democracy has nine letters in it. Dartmouth has nine letters in it, not > ten. But Compromise and Apprentice has ten letters in it. This is the most intelligent, coherent theory you have ever expressed! GENIUS! GENIUS! I USED TO THINK YOU WERE A BOZO BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER! By the way, Archie, whatever happened to your demand that sci.* be "disjointed" from the rest of Usenet? You still seem to be cross-posting between sci.* and dartmouth.*. Of course, I do agree that your posts are pretty disjointed. > Now if the Apprentice System replaces the Greek system then, many of > the houses at Dartmouth remain, and they merely change their names to > that of Physics House, or Geology House, or Political Science House, or > Psychology House etc. And in the case of the Physics House, it would be > mostly composed of males since mostly males major in that. And let's not forget Dishwasher House, which is open to people of any gender provided they meet the IQ standards. They do exclude people whose IQ is more than two digits (in octal) but I'm sure you could fit right in. Maybe you could even get a job as the official dishwasher at Dishwasher House! > On the other extreme, say Psychology House, that would have mostly females. > But most of these new 'Apprentice Houses' would be a mixture of males and > females. IN THE FUTURE, HOUSES WILL HAVE GENDER! NUBILE YOUNG HOUSES WILL CHASE TINY FRAGILE HUMANS AROUND THE QUADRANGLE! IT'S THE DAY THE HOUSES CAME TO MAKE WHOOPEE! > And the most beneficial aspect of these living social > arrangements is that one learns so much more, perhaps even more than in > classroom itself, because the people in these houses are majoring in > the same subject. In your case, it would be hard to learn less than you learned in the classroom. > So, change the Greek System to the Apprentice System, that is > Democratic change, but in the change we must compromise, and so the > students and alumni do not lose everything and the Admin gain > everything. A score of students 0 and admin 100. Poor Dean Spot! His golf game was RUINED when an undergraduate physics major scored 0! Then he wasn't allowed to go to the big toga party over at Dishwasher House -- not because Dean Spot was just a dog, but because he was too smart! Dean Spot cried! > So, in the Compromise, make the admin of Dartmouth require to build two > new spires one atop the new Berry Library addition Or you could add it below the addition, 'cause addition isn't associative. Or do I mean commutative? I've forgotten all my high-school-level math because I've been reading too many of Archimedes Plutonium's theories! Also, you could build both spires on the Berry Library and rename it the Berry Berry Library. And then you could eat nothing but berries until you get beri-beri, kwashiokor, scurvy, ricketts, and sickle eyeballs. So please hurry up and stuff your face with nothing but the most non-nutritive berries you can find (that would be Cap'n Crunch's "Oops! All Berries!" cereal) until your skeleton warps into a pretzel. I feel those of us who survive your horrible death would be slightly, just slightly, wiser for the experience of choosing whether or not to attend your funeral. > and as tall as the Baker Tower, and the > second one atop the adjoinment of Webster Hall to Baker. Webster's defines a library without a Plutonium-designed mind-control laser beam tower as "pointless". > US is a democratic society, I say that since this is a democracy, we should put this to a vote! HOW MANY HERE WANT ARCHIE TO SUFFER VITAMIN DEFICIENCY AND/OR A HIDEOUS DEFORMITY? THIS STRAW POLL IS LEGALLY BINDING! > and Dartmouth a democratic college within, Yeah! Like how all the students vote on what the curriculum is and what grades they get! It's like Goddard College only without "The Man" layin' on that heavy rule trip, bay-bee! > and democracy has compromise within. Thus the score would be > Students+Alumni 50 and Admin 50. And Dartmouth with 2 spires plus tower > has a final score of 100. Yes! Because each spire is worth 50 Special Bonus Plutonium Insanity Points, you could then THROW OUT ALL THE STUDENTS and the campus would still be PERFECT! > Everyone must get something neat out of the change, and all are > winners. I'd rather have something "nifty", Arch. -- K. Also, isn't it really a _tie_ if we're _all_ winners? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.engr.mech,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Are there any ear muffs, or headphones that block out nearly all noise Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1999 09:24:35 GMT Reply-To: alt.religion.kibology X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.engr and sci.engr.mech, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > I do not know if there is a proper name for these devices. I think of > ear muffs. What I want is a noise suppressant. The kind that fits over your mouth? > I own a pair of these made by Master Mechanics brand. And somewhere, there is a master mechanic who owns a pair of Crazy Dishwasher lederhosen! > It is good for say lawnmower noise. Just out of curiosity, do you hear this lawnmower noise when there are no lawnmowers around? > However, what I want is a pair of muffs that will eliminate nearly all > background noise, almost all. Does anyone make such a device, and is it > comfortable? Have you considered moving to a place with no college students, no clattering dishes and pots, no television, no automobiles, and most importantly, no Internet access? > I am being sarcastic when I say this, OOOOH!!!! WELL I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM ABSOLUTELY *NOT* BEING SARCASTIC WHEN I SAY THIS, YOU BIG SUUUUUPER-GEEEEENIUS YOU!!!! > but sometimes I feel that is better to go through the remainder of life > without any hearing, after one has lived for 40 years with hearing. Yeah, and then you could learn to read lips and you'd finally know what all those people are saying whenever you attend a Dartmouth football game and the whole stadium is filled with people pointing at you and snickering. -- K. The Internet is like a Darmouth football game, only nobody can tell that you're snickering behind their back unless you tell them. And I polite enough to *always* tell Archie that I think he's a nit-wit. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.food.taco-bell,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Corditas (sp?) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 09:45:19 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > In alt.food.taco-bell, "Karen72222" (karen72222@aol.com) wrote: > > > > Are Corditas just glorified tacos. I tried the beef and chicken corditas > > the other day and wow!! Awesome taste. At first I thought they were a > > glorified taco -- same ingredients but only using soft bread, but there > > is a unique flavor to the supreme corditas which I tried. I think I'm > > hooked now. Corditas over tacos anytime. > > Corditas? > > I MADE THAT SAME TYPO A YEAR AGO! Not quite a year ago. However, I forgot to make fun of you two months in advance back then, so I didn't make fun of your typo a year ago. So because I only made fun you of ten months ago, now I gotta keep reposting it for another two months so that you can yell, "ALL RIGHT ALREADY, KIBO, I MADE THAT TYPO A WHOLE YEAR AGO, STOP MAKING FUN OF ME ALREADY!" > Back when the big sales pitch for them was Communism. *and* the fact that dogs find them sexy. I don't know which is worse, being told that (a) the little shivering twitchy dog likes the TASTE of Taco Bell food, or (b) being told how incredibly erotic it is to dogs. Anyway, I think they should deep-fry the Corditas just so that we could say, "Yes, Karen, the wonderful Cordita is just a GLORI-FRIED TACO!" and then we could all move our chests up and down mechanically while making "HA HA" noises, just like at the end of an episode of "The Transformers". (You know it's "limited animation" when they try to pass off puns as action.) Here's what I told Nick about the Cordita last year. ///////// re-run ///// re-run ///// re-run ///// re-run ///// re-run ///////// From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: corditas Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology, alt.food.taco-bell Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1998 06:40:43 GMT Teg Pipes (teg@fruitfly.berkeley.edu) wrote: > > Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) writes: > > > > about a month ago, I was just thinking.... > > "you know what Taco Bell needs? more COMMUNISM!" > > > > and now, look! > > > > This is proof that Mexico and Canada are going to GANG UP on us! > > If you are not trolling alt.food.taco-bell and you honestly misspelled > 'gordita', then I'm gonna smack ya. Hey, Nick, stop trolling Teg! You know it makes her get all smacky! > If this thread degenerates into a "JAI-ROUS" vs "HEE-ROUS" flamewar, > I'm gonna smack ya. Too. Smacky smacky smacky! Don't make a smackery of alt.food.taco-bell! > Wait, what's the conditional here? Hmmm...is there any possible > outcome such that I will NOT smack Nick Bemsema? Yes, in The Other Universe. However, all of us have already moved there just to get away from you. You and Spot are the only ones left in Universe Classic, where you have Taco Bell. Here in The Other Universe, we have White Castile, where an insane blind man whittles tiny hamburgers out of soap. > ________ > / \ > / \ "Wrong, buttwipes. > / He's not \ I'm Persian and > | trolling | therefore I know > \ / how it's supposed to > \ / be pronounced." > ---------- > > Nope. > > > *SMACK* Teg, I'll have you know that Taco Bell did indeed recently introduce Corditas accompanied by many commercials with a badly colorized Che Guevara. The Gorditas are just regular tacos jammed into a rolled-up gyro, which only breaks the shell a little more than the employees normally do, but Corditas have a secret ingredient: Cordite. Also known as Jet-Axe or Primacord. This high-yield plastic explosive strong on a detonating wire (in one-inch segments alternating with popped popcorn kernels and those beads that keep score on toy pool tables) are a blast of flavor. They'll take your head off! I remember when they were making "Star Wars", in my basement, and John Dykstra said "Let's put six feet of Cordite inside this X-Wing!" and Richard Edlund, who had hair eight feet long tucked into his "Freddy" sweater, said, "Don't be silly! We only need five feet eleven inches!" and then they filmed the scene and accidentally blew up not only the X-Wing but the entire Death Star, and then they had to change the end of the movie, discarding all that great footage showing the Death Star killing all the rebels and opening Taco Bell stands throughout the galaxy. Also, to ensure this would never happen again, they hired Joe Viskocil, who took their Cordite away and threw it in the Dumpster, where it later showed up in a Taco Bell taco and thus the Cordita was born. AND NOW YOU KNOW... THE REST OF THE STORY! -- K. MUNCH! MUNCH! BOOM! //////////// end of re-run ///// end of re-run ///// end of re-run //////////// Now if only someone would refer to Jet-Dry dishwashing agent as "Jet-Axe" and the Primerica pyramid sca^H^H^Hsystem as "Primacord", we could have three kinds of exploding string in one tasty message! -- K. Never floss your teeth with cordite. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: WHY DOES GOD MOCK ME? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 10:31:44 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > Indianapolis, by the way, has the world's greatest concentration of Arby's > restaurants. As best I can tell. I went to a "Block Party" there. > "Block Party" is a poor man's "Gameworks." The place was empty with a > capital E. So we got to play all the games and ride on the Japanese > roller coaster simulator without any screaming kids bothering us. The > latter has little fans to blow air on you to make it feel like you're > going fast, even though the absence of any G-forces while you're > "accelerating" kind of spoils it. Also the audio tape of screaming > Japanese teenagers was disturbing. Hey! Screaming Japanese girls! I listen to that one all the time in my car! No, wait, I don't have a car. I meant my bed! > In other news, my motion to enter judgment in my San Francisco civil > forfeiture case was granted. Ted 2, U.S. government 0. Woo-hoo! Awesome-tastic! This means you're smarter than the guvvamit and Archimedes Plutonium! Combined! You're even smarter than President Plutonium would be! NOW GO FOR THE EXTRA POINT! > Finally, I'm not allowed to make fun of the Japanese machines that take > your picture and put it on a sticker, because one of my clients is the > one with the frightening snowman as a mascot. They have really cool > business cards with a space to put a sticker on them. Sold separately. At a tradeshow about a year and a half ago a nice young woman from NTT (the Japanese phone company) helped me try out their newest creation, which was a machine which not only printed stickers with your picture surrounded by abstract creatures, but also POSTED YOUR PHOTO ON THE JAPANESE PHONE COMPANY'S WEB SITE ALONG WITH A RECORDING OF YOUR VOICE SAYING "HI, MY NAME IS _____"! (I suppose you could say something else, but she told me to say that so I did.) Anyway, when I went over to a real computer to see what was at that site, there were all these photos of nine-year-old Japanese girls with one bearded round-eye guy in the middle. I can only imagine what would have happened if the thing actually took phone numbers or E-mail addresses. But fortunately this device served no purpose. You put in your yen and it puts a photo of you on the Web. For a couple of days. It's like a graffiti wall only it goes away in a few days. Just a Web site with lots of photos of giggling Japanese pre-teens on it. Oodles and oodles of them. The English version of the on-screen keyboard was particularly strange. The space bar was vertical and ran through the middle. Anyway, that was only one of many bozotic things I saw at that trade show, along with the human-readable Pancake Disk HD-ROM (tiny letters can be read under ANY electron microscope!), the Korean booth advertising "Dr. Pss" (I am not making this up -- it stood for "Plastic Surgery Simulator"), and of course, I got to see both Kiki Stockhammer and the Intel Bunny Suit Dancers up close and personal. They're not really good dancers, you know. Also I don't think their gas masks really work. -- K. Also I think Kiki would like John_-_Winston. /////////////////////////////////////////////// something I said last year: From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Photo Stickers Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Mon, 19 Jan 1998 04:02:52 GMT There was a "Photo Stickers" booth at the Toys R Us here. It was out of stickers, so the screen showed a STOP sign which said, in about eight languages, "This machine is temporarily out of service." Dead center was the middle word of the German line: "auBer". The "B" was a bright yellow Zapf Chancery Medium Italic swash cap, and the rest was white Helvetica Black. All's I want to know is, was this screen a Troll Touch? -- K. I wonder if my photo is still on that NTT Web site with the other little Japanese kids. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: WHY DOES GOD MOCK ME? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 11:02:40 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Just now, I wrote: > > At a tradeshow about a year and a half ago a nice young woman from NTT > (the Japanese phone company) helped me try out their newest creation, > which was a machine which not only printed stickers with your picture > surrounded by abstract creatures, but also POSTED YOUR PHOTO ON THE > JAPANESE PHONE COMPANY'S WEB SITE ALONG WITH A RECORDING OF YOUR VOICE > SAYING "HI, MY NAME IS _____"! (I suppose you could say something else, > but she told me to say that so I did.) Anyway, when I went over to a > real computer to see what was at that site, there were all these photos > of nine-year-old Japanese girls with one bearded round-eye guy in the middle. I just found another reference to this which I posted last year: /////////////////////////////////// re-run /////////////////////////////////// From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology, alt.folklore.computers Date: Sat, 22 Nov 1997 08:21:57 GMT In alt.religion.kibology, Mark Hill (mhill@pacbell.net) wrote: > > Tlerll wrote: > > > > YOUR PAGE ISN"T RATED WITH RSACI OR RSUCKY!!! WHAT IF SOME CHILD GOES > > THERE WHILE HIS PARENTS ARE DRINKING BEER AND WATCHING TV?!? > > well, if you use a WebTv, then he can't go there while his parents are > watching tv! Yet another great reason to own a webtv, along with... > umm, something. Yeah, but the new WebTV+ can watch TV while surfing the Web with picture-in-picture. Actually, with picture-in-nerdy-stuff. The WebTV+ has a 1.8 gig hard disk which will be "used for future applications". Now we know where all that stuff that got uploaded to Prodigy went. I *DEMAND* that someone spontaneously start a *VICIOUS RUMOR* that the 1.8 gig hard drive is used to SECRETLY STORE OTHER PEOPLE'S PORNOGRAPHY IN YOUR OWN LIVING ROOM!!! -- K. P.S. In Japan, NTT makes a pink booth that lets little kids do that. ///////////////////////////////// end re-run ///////////////////////////////// This brings a tear to my eye as I realize that "Prodigy Classic" has now gone the way of eWorld, "Wow!", and Burger King's dinner baskets. I think a fun gedankenexperiment would be to figure out the correct way to explain that message to someone who doesn't know anything about computers or the Internet and is (a) living in 1958 or is (b) living in the year 3000. I'm sure there will be people in the year 3000 who still think computers are too expensive, while they're driving their brand new model-year 3001 $50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 sport-utility-sport vehicle-car-vehicles. -- K. So why IS it that people balk at paying $1500 instead of $1000 to get a good computer, but they spend $15000 to buy a new car every few years? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Daisy Fuentes Emails Chain Letters With WebTV Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 11:09:14 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > > > Yes, you read the subject line right. Daisy Fuentes emails chain letters. > > With WebTV. > > I knew someday that some celebrity would do something stupid on the Net > someday. It was only a matter of time. WAAH! NICK YOU TAKE THAT BACK, I AM TOO A CELEBRITY!!! YOU KNOW I AM A CELEBRITY BECAUSE LOOK, HERE I AM BRAGGING ABOUT HOW MY VCR BLINKS "12:00" ALL DAY EVEN THOUGH ALL VCRS HAVE HAD ON-SCREEN INSTRUCTIONS FOR FIVE YEARS AND EVEN THE MOST MENTALLY INEPT HUMAN BEING HAS TO KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A _CLOCK_!!! I AM TOO A CELEB DAMMIT!!!! Gotta go, I need to go out and buy some envelopes so I can complain about all these chain letters by mailing them all to the government. -- K. Please tell me she was too cheap to pay for the actual keyboard and is just using the little remote control. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: It's VD. Now what? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3029 centons, 34 microns, 0.02 abians Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 11:17:34 GMT X-Howdy-To: Archimedes Plutonium Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > "Anti-Blair" (smjames@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > > > The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com.guacamole) wrote: > > > > > > It's Valentine's Day, so... what now? Isn't some sort of meaningful yet > > > romantic orgy of candy and flowers supposed to appear on my doorstep? > > > Where's the mariachi band? Why didn't Adam West return my calls?! He did, but you can't hear the red phone ringing 'cause it's got a clear plastic cake cover over it. > > > Also, I think you've all been replaced by exact replicas who aren't > > > quite as funny as you used to be. I can say this because I'm not funny, > > > which means I'm an accountant. > > > > Every atom in your body is replaced after 17 months, except the platinum > > in your endoplastic reticulum. So you're not the same person you were in > > 1991. > > Except that atoms are not distinguishable from one another, and quantum > mechanics says that the state is the same, up to a possible minus sign, > if two atoms with the same electronic configuration are exchanged. So > actually you are exactly the same person as everybody else. > > DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY? No, because there aren't any atoms in my body because I'm not a super-genius like Archimedes Plutonium. I'm just made of clumps of protons and neutrons and electrons which may have settled during handling. And besides, your comments aren't funny because you didn't say "endoplasmic reticulum" or "perpendicular to the latus rectum of the isosceles trapezoid" or "Schenectady". BOINGGGGGG!!!! Whoops, I apologize for the stupid noise but it happens whenever anyone says "Schenectady". BOINGGGGGGGG!!!!!! -- K. Schenec.. BOI-- ...tady --NGGGG!!!!!