Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Northwestern Kibology Meat Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 07:46:16 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Terri Willis (twillis@sound.net) wrote: > > In article <7c720g$8q4$7@plutonium.compulink.co.uk>, > "Bill J, Edinburgh" wrote: > > > > Please also define kibology. > > Kibology? You're soaking in it! Yes, Terri, we are all soaking in it. Up to our armpits. Hey, wait a minute -- KIBOLOGY'S TOUCHING ME WHERE MY BATHING SUIT COVERS! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! Also, Terri, you forgot to mention that (a) Mr. Edinburgh's middle initial has a comma after it and not the usual period (which I believe is 28 days) and (b) Mr. Edinburgh's Message-ID has plutonium in it! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! MOMMY THE DEADLY PLUTONIUM'S TOUCHING ME WHERE MY KIBOLOGY DOESN'T COVER!!! -- K. I am boiling red lentils, a process which turns them beige. Where does the red go? SCIENCE REFUSES TO HELP ME! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Tetris Jr. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 07:50:49 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Leah Verre (fleabite@seanet.com) wrote: > > Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > > > The logical conclusion is, Tetris Jr. is the only game I've ever played > > that can fit in my mouth. VIDEO OR OTHERWISE! > > That's nothing. > Desi Arnaz Jr. can fit an entire coin-op version of Berzerk in his mouth and > still have room for sandwiches. Are you saying that he eats sandwiches while somehow avoiding mastication of his Berzerk console, or that he just stores sandwiches there and sells them to people who put quarters in his nostrils? If true, I am refusing to ever again eat any sandwiches because some sandwiches somewhere may once have been in Desi Jr.'s mouth. And speaking of nostrils, Judd Nelson can fit a "Twilight Zone" pinball machine in each of his nostrils... AND the "Magnificent Marble Machine" lives in the hole where the part of his brain that controls his acting ability isn't. -- K. I will pay $100 to the first person who sends me a good-quality tape of the episode of "Magnificent Marble Machine" where the guy split his pants in front of JoAnne Worley. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.geo.geology,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: KwH?Sf Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 08:06:19 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.geo.geology and alt.religion.kibology, Christof Kuhn (h9440283@edv1.boku.ac.at) wrote: > > I'd really appreciate if anybody (e.g. Manley) had the slightest idea of > what is written here. I guarantee you, nobody knows, especially Manley. He has that very special form of schizowackyphrenia where one neologizes and clang-associates so much that he becomes TOO creative for anyone to comprehend. Postmodernists would say this is good. I would say that postmodernists are bad. But I like Manley because I identify with him, because neither of us knows what he's saying. All's I can say is that if you were to put all the scientifically-interested people in the world in a line in order of specialness, from where we are standing Manley would be somewhere in the distance and we wouldn't be able to see him behind Archimedes Plutonium. > He's been posting these strange texts for at least half a year. I wouldn't call most of 'em "texts". Some are 95% slashes and hyphens and dots and stuff. If they had more words or word-like objects in them you could classify them as "word salads", but I think the term "explosion in the ASCII warehouse" would be more apropos. His principal thesis seems to be something about a Jolly Brown Dwarf that is either causing massive earthquakes or a little zigzag. And there's something about an "O!blartor" too, which frightens me. It sounds like a gizmo that would squirt warm ice cream at you when you're not expecting it. As to why he posts this only to the geology newsgroup, your guess is as good as mine. Heck, your guess is probably BETTER than mine because I've read all of his articles and therefore my brain no longer works reliably. > Very creative comments, James! :-) > > Cheers, Christof Hey, I liked that movie you made where this guy got to be on TV 24 hours a day and got to hang around with Woody Harrelson and that guy who made "Apollo 13"... Bill Mumy. I think you should buy the rights to Manley's life story and turn it into a six-hour movie. (After all, Hollywood ran out of good ideas a long time ago, so the time is right to do a movie of Manley Hubbell's life.) We could get Archimedes Plutonium to play Manley Hubbell! I'd pay to see that. Especially if it's only in a movie, not in real life. -- K. I have the most interesting experiment cooking in my kitchen right now... I have discovered that it is possible to have red lentils suspended above the pot entirely by the foam they generate. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.geo.geology,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: KwH?Sf Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 11:03:43 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Christof Kuhn (h9440283@edv1.boku.ac.at) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) schrieb: > > > > I guarantee you, nobody knows, especially Manley. He has that very special > > form of schizowackyphrenia where one neologizes and clang-associates so > > much that he becomes TOO creative for anyone to comprehend. Postmodernists > > would say this is good. I would say that postmodernists are bad. But I > > like Manley because I identify with him, because neither of us knows what > > he's saying. > > By the way, wasn't there another guy of this kind, posting in > sci.geo.geology some weeks ago? I don't remember his name, but some > people commented that his style was typical of automatically generated > texts. You're thinking of Archimedes Plutonium, or possibly Alexander Abian, or Hannu Poropudas, or the "TimeCube" guy. But I don't think they're computers because programming a computer to act all crazy would be even harder than programming it to act NOT crazy, and nobody's done that yet. (Someday Microsoft will solve that problem.) > What if Manley is just a computer, too? > (what's the name of the one Hubbell whose name is in use for the NASA > telescope flying around the Earth? If it's *Manley*, someone's just been > playing a trick on us for a long time...) Webster. > > I have the most interesting experiment cooking in my kitchen right now... > > I have discovered that it is possible to have red lentils suspended above > > the pot entirely by the foam they generate. > > You seem to have lots of fun :-) > > But remember: it was mostly this kind of experiments that lead to great > new theories. > Maybe you'll become famous one day? Well, I've already made a greater scientific discovery in my kitchen than Archimedes Plutonium has in his science lab. I do not know what this means, I only know that I deserve THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR LENTILS. > Your lentils will be cited together with Newton's apple! :-) I am sure there are many practical applications for my discovery. I put some split red lentils in some water and boiled it a while, and when I came back it looked like this: .... lentils ---> .::::::. ()()()()()() #()()()()()()()()################ foam ---> #()()()()()()()()# #()()()()()()()()# ################## Someday this will be used to power rockets to the Moon. We'll just put some lentils underneath the rocket and boil them until their foam pushes the rocket to the Moon. Of course, we'd have to use enough lentils to cover the entire Earth with them, but I'm sure nobody will object because if we can power fockets with lentils, surely science can find a way to invent a ray that makes people like lentils. -- K. There's a reason lentils are shaped like little flying saucers. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Apparent human brain found in truck Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 08:25:19 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor > HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif., March 11 (UPI) -- Police are investigating > the discovery of a jar containing what appears to be half a human brain > in the back of a pickup truck that was abandoned in Southern California. HEY ARCHIE! THEY FOUND IT! YOU CAN PICK IT UP IN LOST & FOUND! > Police say employees of a tow shop found the glass jar under debris > in the back of the blue 1962 Dodge pickup truck as they got ready to > prepare it for sale. > The truck was abandoned Jan. 14 in Huntington Beach, about 35 miles > south of downtown Los Angeles. > Police detective Steve Mack says, ``It could clearly be something > from a laboratory, a pathology lab, that somebody took years ago and > misplaced and kept. I don't believe there's any crime involved. It's not > like there's another Jeffrey Dahmer or Hannibal Lecter out there running > around.'' > Police have called in the Orange County Coroner's Office to try to > determine where the brain came from and how long it was in the jar. I'm just wondering where the other half of the brain is. What would YOU do with half a brain? Besides enjoy the live-action "Baby Huey" movie, of course. -- K. They could probably have sold the 37-year-old truck for more money if they had left the brain there. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Apparent human brain found in truck Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sat, 13 Mar 1999 08:13:23 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Yesterday I reported that the vast faceless heartless conglomerate we call The Media reported this: > > HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif., March 11 (UPI) -- Police are investigating > the discovery of a jar containing what appears to be half a human brain > in the back of a pickup truck that was abandoned in Southern California. Well, today they provided further proof that Kibo's Rule Of Zork Interpretation is true: > SANTA ANA, Calif., March 12 (UPI) -- Investigators say half of a brain > discovered in a glass jar in a pickup truck that was abandoned in > Southern California wasn't human as originally thought. Well, was the other half human, at least? Anyway, those of us who played a lot of Zork in the eighties knew it wasn't human the moment the computer typed out "...what appears to be half a human brain..." You see a doorway leading to what appears to be an empty room. > ENTER ROOM The room is filled with deadly invisible bees! You flail at them with your pathetic little arms. The bees appear to be retreating. > WHEW But they only appeared to be retreating because you're wearing your BackwardsVision goggles. You're a bozo! The bees sting you! You are dead. Do you want to see your score, which is 0 out of a possible 37? (y/n) In other words, the word "appears" appears to always mean the opposite of whatever you think it means. Even if you take my rule into account. Which you should, because my rule appears to work. -- K. Think about it: "Bob Hope _appeared_ in a K-Mart commercial..." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,soc.libraries.talk From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Life Online - Hoboes Take to the Cyberspace Highway Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 21:49:41 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Re an alleged news story about homeless persons using the Internet via public libraries... Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > > > > ...maybe they should set up a special section, say a third of the library, > > just for pierced homeless nerds. > > They should install webtv's in the library. But then they'd have to install TVs. And then you could go to the library to watch TV. And all librarians know that watching TV rots your brain. This is why no serious academic libraries carry the complete set of 539 "Star Trek" novels!!! Also, WebTVs are kind of bad at displaying text. If the libraries want to maintain its Serious Text-Oriented status, and not slide down the slippery slope into TeeVeeLand, they should install Internet terminals that are optimized for text output: 132-column teletypes. With that special green bar paper because colored stripes make serious literature easier to read. And because they would be loud enough that you could hear them everywhere in the library except for the basement, they could install special amplifiers on the teletypes to ensure that the people in the basement know where to find the teletypes. And to keep paper costs down, they could just make the green-bar paper into a big loop that goes through all the teletypes and then back into the first one. I think that someday this could replace all books! Provided all books went away for some other reason. And so did all other ideas for replacing them. And provided they started publishing "Star Trek" novels in green-bar form. -- K. Hmm, I forgot to patent this idea, I hope Archie doesn't steal it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Color Blindness could ruin your life in WEIRD ways! Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 22:31:42 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp After reading this manifesto published by the developers of that color-blindness test where you have to look at the polka-dotted numbers in the polka-dotted circle, I'm sure glad I ain't color-blind. From Ishihara's Web site: > The color-deficient person's vision > > Color vision deficiencies bother affected children from the earliest > years. At school, coloring can become a difficulty when one has to take > the blue crayon -and not the pink one- to color the ocean. But... but... if you're color-blind, and you color the ocean pink, it will look fine to you! It's the OTHER people who are incapable of accepting the pink ocean! It's THEIR problem, not yours! > Later on he will be unable to : > > * interpret some chemical reactions > * see that litmus paper turns red by acid > * identify a material by the color of its flame such as lead blue or > potassium purple. Hey! Archimedes Plutonium is NOT color-blind! He's just incapable of doing chemistry experiments for OTHER reasons. > When cooking, red deficient individuals cannot tell whether their piece of > meat is raw or well done. Neither can they make the difference between > green and ripe tomatoes or between ketchup and chocolate syrup. Especially because the labels on the ketchup and chocolate syrup bottles are always printed in red dotted letters on a green dotted background. > Some food can even look definitely disgusting to them. Yeah, pepperoni pizza looks like it has numbers all over it! > For example, people with a green deficiency cannot possibly eat spinach > which to them just look like cow pat. You saw it here, folks. No person with color vision problems has EVER eaten spinach, because spinach leaves are shaped exactly like cow flop. And, of course, you get a green deficiency if you DON'T eat your spinach. (Hey, I probably wouldn't enjoy being color-blind. But being told that I wouldn't be able to tell spinach from cow dung without color vision is just plain insulting. Is this the reason there are no black-and-white shows on TV any more, because everyone thought that everything looked like cow poop?) > They can however distinguish some citrus fruits. > Oranges seem to be of a brighter yellow than that of lemons. The government should pass a rule that spinach should always have a lemon sitting on top of it and all cow patties should have oranges sitting on top of them for the convenience of the insane color-blind people who are eating things they may or may not have found in the middle of a cow pasture!!! > To them, purple looks like a dark blue that is almost black and red is a > very dark gray that is also almost black. Some of them cannot appreciate a > rainbow because they can only see two light colors, blue and yellow. Whereas the rest of us can see ALL the colors in the rainbow, including infrared, ultraviolet, X-rays, gamma rays, Blondlot's N rays, and of course the invisible death rays. (If you can't see the invisible rays, you might be invisible-impaired! See your doctor. Unless your doctor is also invisible.) > When driving, they only distinguish traffic lights from street lights in > terms of brightness. Moreover, rear lights make it difficult for them to > tell whether a car is coming or going away. Apparently they don't have depth perception either. > They cannot tell whether a woman is wearing lipstick or not. OH, THE HORROR, THE HORROR! Color-blind men must be rebuffed by a lot of lesbians. > More difficult to handle for some is the inability to make the difference > between a blue-eyed blonde and a green-eyed redhead. And the color-blind men go right for those lesbians with the orange eyes and green hair. Hey, maybe Bozo The Clown just looks that way 'cause he's color-blind! Maybe he's not aware that he looks like a bozo! We better haul him in for testing. > When at the beach with a redhead woman whose skin cannot be exposed to the > sun for a long time, a color deficient person will not be able to warn her > if she is having a sunburn. COLOR BLINDNESS MAKES OTHER PEOPLE INCAPABLE OF FEELING THEIR OWN SUNBURN!!! > However, they distinguish faded and gray colors much better and they even > appear attractive to them. So Bob Hope is handsome if you're color-blind? -- K. I just worry that although they test for color-blindness in elementary school to ensure that you can enjoy spinach as much as the other kids, they don't test for taste deficiencies that would be at LEAST as important as far as keeping you from accidentally eating cow flop. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Color Blindness could ruin your life in WEIRD ways! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 10:43:01 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) says... > > > > After reading this manifesto published by the developers of that > > color-blindness test where you have to look at the polka-dotted > > numbers in the polka-dotted circle, I'm sure glad I ain't color-blind. > > Well, I'm glad for you too, Kibo. According to this manifesto, you > wouldn't be able to tell the difference in your colour-coordinated > scorefiled newsreader between your posts and a cow flop. > > > > When cooking, red deficient individuals cannot tell whether their piece of > > > meat is raw or well done. Neither can they make the difference between > > > green and ripe tomatoes or between ketchup and chocolate syrup. > > I see a resolution to the above problem: assign flavours to the > different levels of posters. When Don Saklad posts, cover the Subject: > line with a squeeze from the ketchup bottle! When Kibo posts, cover the > Subject: line with a squeeze from the chocolate syrup bottle! And then > you just lick the screen to see if you want to read the post or not! Dear Archimedes Wonka, HELP! I LICKED ALT.STARTREK.CREATIVE AND NOW I'M TURNING INTO A GIANT RODDENBERRY!!! Also, why did you put the bathroom in your factory at the end of an infinitely long corridor filled with an endlessly-repeating clip of THAT scene from "Un Chien Andalou"? I would appreciate it if some days you would instead show the clip where the football hits Marcia Brady's nose over and over. > In fact, we could have a whole scorefile system based just on flavours > of things that come out of squeeze bottles. And then the experience of > reading Usenet will be like an explosion of ketchup, chocolate syrup, > mustard, toothpaste and KY Jelly! And when you got to the bottom of the list of articles, it'd make those "PHPOOTZ! PHPOOTZ! PHPOOTZ!" noises! > I wonder what Archie's designated flavour would be... does asafoetida > come in a squeeze tube? I think the closest thing to Archie-in-a-tube would be Krazy Glue. Or maybe dish detergent. > > I just worry that although they test for color-blindness > > in elementary school to ensure that you can enjoy spinach as > > much as the other kids, they don't test for taste deficiencies > > that would be at LEAST as important as far as keeping you from > > accidentally eating cow flop. > > "I'm sorry, Mrs. Poehlmann^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hlutonium, but I have bad news > for you. Your son is colour-blind. But I have worse news: he also > thinks he's Popeye." That would be something that could actually make Popeye cartoons even worse, if half the time he ate cow poop by mistake. And they were filmed in Taste-O-Vision so that you had to lick the screen to watch 'em. > -dp. > Toot toot! Doot doot! Now you got the cootie zoot suit! -- K. Ah, cultural obscurantism mixed with kindgergarten. And poop. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Color Blindness could ruin your life in WEIRD ways! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1999 07:39:08 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Ah, cultural obscurantism mixed with > > kindgergarten. And poop. > > Ladies and gentlemen, for your newsgroup files: > > alt.religion.kibology Cultural obscurantism mixed with kindgergarten. > And poop. Hey, there's an echo in here, and it's a bozo! But it does make a pretty good bumper sticker. But then again, everything I say makes an excellent bumper sticker. Especially if I say it on gummed paper. Mmm! Bubble Yum is coming out of Kibo's mouth with words printed on it! And remember, kids, Kibology is cultural obscurantism mixed with kindergarten and poop with NO SPIDER EGGS! (We mix our cultural obscurantism with kindergarten and poop the old-fashioned way -- with a VERY long stick.) -- K. Now please stop chasing me around with that stick with a Mentos on the end. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Color Blindness could ruin your life in WEIRD ways! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sat, 13 Mar 1999 10:25:47 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > David J. Crowe (crowe@radiks.net) wrote: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > Whereas the rest of us can see ALL the colors in the rainbow, > > > including infrared, ultraviolet, X-rays, gamma rays, Blondlot's N rays, > > > and of course the invisible death rays. > > > > Technically neutrino rays are considered a type of death ray, but I think > > they deserve to be mentioned. > > > > Don't forget the neutrino rays! In your grocer's frozen food section. They're neutritiously deadlytastic! I'm going to keep saying things are "blank-tastic" until people start assuming that "tastic" is a word of its own: "Drink Tab. Tab is TOTALLY TASTIC!" 'cause that would be like totally tarded. > Well, neutrino rays are in a separate rainbow; they don't interact electro- > magnetically _AT ALL_! Except above 80-some GeV temperatures, where elecricity > is the same as weakness. > > Dave "gluon rainbows would be knotted and three-dimensional" DeLaney I think it would look something like a hexaflexagon made out of a strip of adding-machine paper with colored candy dots glued to it by Necco employees. > PS: Matt McIrvin is probably on his coffee break. He's not interested in SCIENCE any more. Now he has a job with COMPUTERS! -- K. But I forget whether or not computers are less cool than science. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: ASCII is making a comeback Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 22:44:28 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Aaron A. (doctoraaron@mindless.com) wrote: > > Today was an exceptionally slow day at work, and I left my > Harlequin^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Carl Sagan novels at home, so I started on one of our > Computer-Based Training courses. These courses cover the finer points of our > research and ordering systems, so they really don't need pictures. Or DO > THEY?At many points in the courses, cutesy ASCII pictures are given, ranging > from stop signs to sailboats, and yes, ASCII ladies and gents. Here is a > breif selection from the Bank's gallery.Larry Walker's bowling alley is > looking for a statement that cuts off at the end of the fiscal year, but > their next statement isn't due for two weeks...[proprietary info snipped] > Kyoot picture | V _ (_) | /|- ======================================= > ()^ > [] / \ > [] [] > [] =======================================I'm > not sure if this is an exact reproduction; I'm doing this by memory. Anybody > care to nitpick the details on this one? I'll start: 1. Tom Servo's arms > can't handle a bowling ball.Continuing, we have: _________ / ( + ) \ > +=======================================+ | | | KibODAK ====== | | > 91399 mm / /\ \ | | / / \ \ | | \ \ / / ___ | | \ \/ / | | | > | ==== |___| | | | +=======================================+Please pick > one:(1) *CLICK!* Ha ha ahahahahaha!! Now I have your SOULS!!(2) Warning: > Objects on UseNet are larger than they appear.(3) Now using Beable > Industries' Advanced Wakkiness System, to give > > -----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==---------- > http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own You know, I would assume you were doing a clever parody, but I remember that once you let it slip that you really do own a WebTV. Also, you could have used a colon instead of a period to make the catfish have two eyes, or a semicolon if you want to give Bob Hope's nose to the catfish. -- K. Let's all give Bob Hope's nose to the catfish in our hearts and minds. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Bee in a Dyson sphere Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 10:52:26 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Alex Suter (asuter@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > Gary Williams (gwms@spectra.net) wrote: > > > > By the way, did you see the Hollywood Squares recently > > when they acked what "squamous" meant? Rosie O'Donnell guessed > > it mean "squid-like" but she was wrong. It means "scaly". Gee, you'd think she'd know. In the future, instead of quoting "Webster's Dictionary" as the ultimate linguistic authority, stupid people will open speeches with "The Hollywood Squares -- the nineties version -- defines 'quality' as..." > God, I love that show. So help me Heyzeus there's something > about watching celebrities make almost-funny answers to > sexually loaded questions that is just hypnotic. I... hate... to... tell... you... this... GARY!!!... but... it's... FIXED!!! FIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXED!!!!!! (I'm sorry, I just did the Shatner impression so I could make you think of William Shatner spraying saltine crackers between his clenched teeth as he shouted a row of X's.) The show's writers supply each celebrity with the wacky answers. You don't think "Jm" J. Bullock is smart enough to come up with Paul Lynde-level material by himself, do you? > It's how I imagine those post-Oscar parties, except instead of far > too much cocaine there's far too much Whoopi. But you could say that about the whole Universe in general. MAKE WHOOPIE NOT WHOOPI!!! Maybe someday she and Bob Hope will be trapped in an elevator together. For a thousand years. At the center of the Sun. > The biggest problem with school, aside from the near constant > anxiety, is that it seriously cuts into my television time. So go to Television School. I did. We not only got to watch TV, we got to watch "Small Wonder". I am not making this up. Then we got to try to improve on it. BOY, WAS THAT HARD!!! <-- SARCAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXM!!!! > On the other hand, the constant sorority sex parties are nice. > It's a give and take, I guess. So, you dressed up like a woman just to get into the sorority? Are you in the Tom Hanks house, the John Ritter house, the Jm J. Bullock house, or the Paul Lynde house? -- K. I forgot to mention Jack Benny. I APOLOGIZE FOR FORGETTING TO REMIND THE WORLD ABOUT THE LATE JACK BENNY'S SECRET SHAMEFUL KINK! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: black vs. red plums; Reese cups & Kahlua Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 11:58:59 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.med and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium once again babbled about how much he likes fruit and candy: > > I am experiencing a likening taste towards plums in the grocery > store. In my youth I never appreciated fresh plums until now. So, has > anyone else experienced an acquired older age (50) taste for fresh > plums? And I like the crisp plums, not when they are soft in anyway, > but altogether hard. Your cravings are controlled by the fact that your head recently changed from "soft in" to "altogether hard". > And I usually buy 4 plums, 2 black ones and 2 red ones. Wow! Archie can add 2 and 2 to get 4! He really CAN do math! > I do this because I have not yet figured out which one I like more. So how do you expect us to take your rantings about the Plutonium Atom Totality seriously if you can't even figure out what kind of fruit's your favorite? I would think that that would be an easy decision, considering that you've told us about your favorite fruit many times. Of course, it's been different every time. I bet you'd have hated to live in the Soviet Union. There, you'd have to pick a favorite fruit and STICK WITH IT! And you'd have to wait in line for six hours to look at the empty bin where the fruit isn't at the supermarket. And it wouldn't be a supermarket, just a market. And, of course, there were a few good things about the Soviet Union -- for instance, they made really good straitjackets to put the mad scientists in so that they couldn't post to the Internet. Think about it -- have YOU ever seen a mad scientist posting to the Internet from the Soviet Union? > I think it is the black plum because it seems sweeter, but I do > not know the sugar contents between the two. Is the black and red of > different species, or like the many varieties of apples, just different > cultivars? ARCHIE IS A PLUM RACIST!!!! > And last year I found out through experimentation that Kahlua and > miniature Reese cups are an excellent combination for an > instant-truffle, without having to cook and bake truffles and wasting > alot of time. You know, Arch, you can BUY truffles. > Does anyone know if miniature Reese cups are made with "dark > chocolate"? Would anyone care to help Archie look at one, and explain to him that dark chocolate looks different than light chocolate? > I think Hershey's makes the Reese cups Would anyone care to help Archie read the label? > but I would love to buy the dark chocolate variety. Arch, I would love to know exactly what is wrong with your little brain that makes you think the purpose of sci.chem and sci.med is for you to petition candy companies to expand their product line. Have you considered one of the more appropriate newsgroups, like rec.food.chocolate or alt.alien.visitors? > Another beautiful combination is Amaretto with fresh cherry and pieces > of Sarotti marzipan. ARCH, YOU EAT WITH YOUR MOUTH, NOT YOUR EYES. STOP SHOVING FOOD IN YOUR EYES AND TELL US HOW IT TASTES. > And does anyone have a beautiful liquor combination with chocolates > that they want to share with me? Oh, like we'd give you some if we happened to have a bottle of perfect liquor right here. In return you'd probably just give us a homemade cape or something. We're going to keep our Beautiful Liquor Combination locked up in our liquor cabinet, whose lock also has a beautiful combination. > Thanks in advance, for I read your helpful posts even though I may not > respond back. And we read your responses even though they may never contain any content. -- K. I think the fat kid from "Stand By Me" is a million times smarter than Archie 'cause the fat kid said that Cherry Pez is the single most perfect food. And he's right! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.geo.geology,alt.religion.kibology,alt.sci.physics.plutonium From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: V2g Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 12:22:16 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.geo.geology, Manley Hubbell (Manley.Hubbell@hubert.rain.com) wrote: > > Friday Voyage to Gravolti. (-24) ? -0,-6,-12,-18,-24,-40 > Flashback ASR3 741 111796 " from the door into CiC past the end of the Chart Table was another > 2 or 3 feet " > ( and i drifted past in something that resembled slow anamition > clearly aware of the surroundings as there was no obstructions > to visability but still somehow aware of the presence of the > pod surrounding me, in which i was seated face/\/ aft ) > < soon i drifted past the end of the chart table and into the open > area where i could look over and see "Gramps" QM1 watching me > watch him watch me as i drifted gently past ) > { as i past the edge of the DRT my attention turned to the RADAR > chair and i tought about how i would do my soft landing at the > end of my ride in the gravity pod } > " there was still a foot and 1/2 or 2 to go maybe 3 " > ( as i watched the forward edge of the pod reached the first point > of the chair i reached forward so my hand penatreted the pod > wall at the same time that the chair did ) > < the chair pivitoted 90 degrees eithor way so when my hand was > on the back of it i turned the chair 90 degrees CW twards me > while i began to turn 180 CCW so that i would land softly in > a setting position right in the chair and buckle myself in ) > { as i reached thru the shell of the pod .. or as the chair entered > into it it burst like a soup bubble and dissappeard } I would like to apologize for all the times I called Archimedes Plutonium the craziest person who ever lived. I now see that I was in error. Also, was it a chicken soup bubble or lentil? If it's lentil soup then I have a new theory that you may consider rational. > ::::::::::::::::::::: 99-3-11 below ::::::::::::::::::::::; > recall?, that the "pod?" was not a part of visual immagry until it was > felt, so its visual immagry probably came more from other than eye > recptors, though i'm convinced G_pods have optical properties?????? They taste good in stir-fry. > anyway unlike entry where edges where smooth and "VERY STRAIGHT > EDGEd" > the exit was more alikened to cracking an egg shell. the front part > fractured into very small pieces, and the chunks (of shell?) got larger > and larger twards the other end. Their shapes were irigular much as > when an eggshell gets cracked, brobably where the immage came from? > Anyway there was a darkening along the fault lines and once one line > passed clear thru ei was black then the whole of the immage simply > dissapeared compleatly as if quickly disolved by the acid of the > enviornment and i was once again faced with the old bad reeality > and no longer protected from the local motions by the insulation > provided while within the "POD" where NO motions (roll, pitch, yaw) > were ever felt, only the gental acellerations of the pod itself. I would like you to explain all this to me, EXCEPT for the part about your genital accelerations. > <<<<<<<<< (!O!) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i would pick 2)below > From: Bob King > To: Arnold G. Gill Msg #433, Mar-10-99 08:58:00 > Subject: question of balance. > > Hi, > > > That may be, but what do you do until then? You > > have two choices: 1) assume that the laws of physics > > are the same in all places at all times, and 2) assume > > the laws of physics are functions of space and time. > [..] > > indicate that the fundamental laws of physics > > (gravitation, electromagnetism, quantum theory) are > > the same here and now as elsewhere and elsewhen in the > > universe. > > > In other words, the tests HAVE been done, and we > > ARE sure of the answers. > > Appreciate your putting your view into this subject. > I accept what you say to a point, but, if the universe contains black > holes > ___Line 65 5:05 A.M. out of lines sorry 2 lines of text ommitted Have you considered that if you left out the line which says "out of lines sorry 2 lines of text ommitted" you might have room for, oh, I don't know, THE REST OF THE SENTENCE? -- K. I have less trouble understanding Linear B than Manley Hubbell's word salad. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.misc,sci.psychology.theory,sci.logic,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: clinical definition of "sadism" and logic and reasoning compared Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 12:38:57 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.psychology.misc, sci.psychology.theory, and sci.logic, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > I am curious as to whether the sciences of psychology or psychiatry > have a clinical definition of sadism or sadistic behaviour? Gee, it's too bad there aren't any books you can look in. Do you, for obvious reasons, have a fear of going near books on abnormal psychology? If you'd like, I could rip the parts about paranoid schizophrenia with delusious of grandeur out of the an undergraduate textbook and fax the rest to you so that you would only have to read about OTHER people. > I am wondering if sadism is a form of "lack of logic" and that people who > are sadistic are minus logic and reason in mental faculties. But in Burger King-speak, I would say that you are in the MINUS ALL category. > I am wondering if you call a person highly logical and behaves with reason > and rationality, that at the other end of the spectrum is sadism and > sadistic behaviour? Um, Arch, there's already an opposite to sadism. Unless your point is that it is extremely logical to be a masochist. This would explain that episode where Spock demanded that Nurse Chapel slap him. > Can someone enlighten me on the psychological studies of the concept > of sadism and sadistic behaviour. Thanks in advance Archie, the science newsgroups are NOT the appropriate place for you to be looking for dominatrixes to spank you. I suggest you high-tail it over to alt.sex.bondage.particle.physics. -- K. I'm about to make a million dollars writing a paperback book on the topic that the opposite of sadism is "happyism". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Packing for romance, but where? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 12:53:53 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.soulmates, aus.personals, la.personals, and alt.fan.mike-jittlov, Mike Jittlov (jittlov@1stnetusa.com) wrote: > > [...] > > Take a trip on the Hurtigruten, one of the woodsy steamers > that travels the Norwegian coastline. Do it between late > spring and early autumn, when the coast gets the Gulf Current > from the Americas -- then it's as warm as Malibu on a perfect > day, all the way north of the Arctic Circle. The shoreline > is magnificent, often like a Disney artist's dream. So it's got a black outline around it and is filled in with solid color and it's officially-licensed to over 500 toy companies? Besides, that's Pensacola. I know that because it was in that movie where the space people beamed us the blueprints for tiny time pills. The one starring that woman who tried to kill President Reagan to impress the guy on "The Greatest American Hero". And she used a splurge gun, too. (Matt McIrvin needs to explain this.) > Stop off at any port and explore. Almost everyone speaks English, > the people are incredibly generous, gracious, honest, you can > leave your backpack anywhere for days and nobody will steal it > (except maybe a tourist). Imagine Big Sur, California, to the > third power. I'm still trying to imagine California to the second power. We need to devise a unit for the square of bozosity. > Plus the air is like breathing candy, Hope it's not HARD candy. > you can drink from any waterfall (no giardia), Here in the United States we have faucets. > hiking is invigorating (no poison oak or lyme ticks). And we don't have any poison oak or lyme ticks in any of the parts of the USA that don't have any vegetation. Like the giant mall parking lots, or the interior of a Taco Bell. (That green stuff in the tacos is synthetic.) > The Lofoten Islands are IMHO the most healing place on the planet. Oh, great, now the natives will be rubbing elbows with all sorts of horribly diseased tourists. -- K. Also, if it's so healthy, why can't poison oak survive there? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: I got this from a friend Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 13:18:25 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.folklore.urban, "H.W.M." (henry.w@gnwmail.com) wrote: > > [on "Donald Duck" comics being allegedly banned in Finland 'cause > Donald forgot to wear pants] > > These same spheres objected to having clotheswashers with a window > because the spinning underwear might begive sinful thoughts. I have no comment except to observe that watching spinning underwear is definitely more fun than wearing spinning underwear. Ow. -- K. Waah, someone taped over my "Yule Log" and "Fish Tank" videos with "Spinning Underwear"! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!111!!! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1999 07:45:13 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > That would be neat. Did you have the plain kind or the asafetiday kind? > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Kibo, the Gentle Asafetiday were a hoax dreamed up by the government of > > Ferdinand Marcos. I know this because I get my anthropology information > > from old episodes of "20/20" and Hugh Downs is a deep thinker 'cuz he did > > a blurb for the back cover of Jeremy Rifkin's _Entropy_. Matt McIrvin does this much better than you. David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > At last we have something to replace that damn "HAPPY DOT COM!" meme. > > -dp. > HAPPY ASAFETIDAY! That reminds me, I forgot to say "HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM!" for about two weeks. So, HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! HAVE A HAPPY DOT COM! ///////////////////////////////////////////////// <-- tire spikes to slow down the Traskmobile Also, I haven't said "DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY" lately, so, DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY ! (That exclamation point applies to the whole block, not just the last doidy.) -- K. P.S. Also, they were the asafetiday kind of doidy, not the doidy kind of asafetiday. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Television viewing linked to children's weight: study Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Tue, 16 Mar 1999 09:37:50 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In the news today: > NEW YORK, March 18 (AFP) - Television viewing contributes to > obesity among children and parents should provide them with > healthier alternatives, a nutrition expert said here Thursday. Healthier alternatives? What, a channel that just shows pictures of celery? > William Dietz, head of nutrition at the Centers for Disease > Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta, Georgia, spoke on the link > between television and obesity at an American Medical Association > media briefing. Geez, I'd hate to be so busy that I'd only have time to speak on the link between television and obesity. "Let's see... be fat from 8 to 11... talk on the link from 11 to noon... then watch TV. And/or be fat." I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF FAT PEOPLE, JUST PEOPLE WHO USE FUNNY SYNTAX!!! AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT FUNNY SYNTAX MAKES YOU FAT! BUT IT SURE DOESN'T HELP! > "One of the major contributing factors to obesity in kids is > inactivity which is fueled to a great degree by television viewing," IN THE FUTURE, INACTIVITY WILL BE FUELED BY NUCLEAR REACTORS!!! > he said, warning that television viewing not only leads to > inactivity, but also affects the eating behaviors of children. > "The more children watch television the more they tend to > consume what's advertised on television and the more they tend to > consume foods while watching television," he noted. "Unhealthy diet > combined with inactivity leads to obesity." However, you can stuff your face with pork rinds all you want if you move around once in a while. > Citing studies showing that cutting television time is effective > in reducing weight in children and adolescents, Dietz said: "We also > know there's a relationship between television viewing and fitness > in children and adults, so the more television people watch, the > less fit they are." This is why at The Ground Round they always have that big-screen TV, because at The Ground Round, KIDS PAY WHAT THEY WEIGH!!! By the way, The Ground Round is just Howard Johnson's. And so is that Japanese place that I always confuse with Benihana. And... believe it or not... those new "Hojo's" restaurants are ALSO OWNED BY HOWARD JOHNSON'S!!! Also, why did they change the name of "Hydrox" cookies "Droxies"? Did the government require them to change their name because the cookies are so artificial that they don't contain anything with hydrogen and oxygen in it? SOYLENT HYDROX ARE MADE FROM BORON!!! THEY'RE BORON!!! And you are what you eat... YOU'RE BORON!! YOU BIG BORONHEAD!!! > He also pointed out that parents underestimated the amount of > time their children spent in front of the tube. > "Take daycare centers, for instance. It's not uncommon for kids > to watch TV at daycare centers. But parents forget to take that > into consideration when assessing how much TV kids are watching," he > said. Especially parents who are stupid enough to pick a daycare center that lets a TV set supervise the toddlers. Hmm, I see a marketing opportunity for Ted Turner: The Daycare Channel. > He referred to a 1998 Nielsen Media Research report indicating > that children between the ages of two and 11 watch an average of two > hours and 40 minutes of television per day. > The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than one > to two hours of television a day. In a related story, PBS announced that "Teletubbies" is expanding to two hours. > Dietz suggested that parents regulate the amount of time > children watch television. "If parents make television viewing > contingent upon playing outdoors, then children will watch less," he > said. Especially if it's contingent on having played outdoors during 24 consecutive hours during the previous day. Better yet, 25 consecutive hours during the previous minute. > Dietz also said children should not have television sets in > their bedrooms, because that makes it harder to regulate watching. > Dietz conceded that sending children out to play was not a > viable option for every parent, citing the case of a Boston > pediatrician who could not persuade a mother to reduce the amount of > time her heavy 11-year-old boy spent watching television. > "One day, in desperation, the mother told the doctor, 'Look, I > know my son is overweight. I know he watches too much television. > But at least if he's in front of the television, then he's not > outside and he won't be shot," he said. So this kid could be helped by hiring a bunch of people to hang around in the living room shooting guns into the ceiling to get him to go outside. What's dumb about that? Besides the stupid part. > Communities should establish safe places for children to play > that can serve as alternatives to television viewing, including use > of school facilities, Dietz said. Yeah, kids are NEVER forced to watch TV in school when the teacher runs out of ideas. Now let's all put our books away and watch this educational "Davey & Goliath" episode on how much fun it is to throw rocks into the pond over and over. Followed by a "Tennessee Tuxedo" cartoon where Mr. Whoopee will explain how camphor works! -- K. All the girls in the audience will then be forced to join The Camphor Girls. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Television viewing linked to children's weight: study Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:39:46 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > Every time I tried to buy pork rinds, the cashier talked me out of it. Ha! When Orbitz were brand-new, the first time I tried to buy a bottle, the cashier told me it made him throw up all over the store, and I bought it ANYWAY, and this proves I'M SMARTER THAN YOU BECAUSE CASHIERS CAN'T TALK ME OUT OF BUYING THINGS THAT MAKE ME BARF ALL OVER THE STORE AT HOME! > I might try again, just to see if I finally succeed in buying them. Dear Stephen Wright, Nobody needs to hear the battery joke again. -- K. I bought some used jokes. They came in the form of Stephen Wright. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Television viewing linked to children's weight: study Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:37:10 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > By the way, The Ground Round is just Howard Johnson's. And so is that > > Japanese place that I always confuse with Benihana. > > NO!!! I thought that the fact that all Bisuteki restaurants are located in > Howard Johnson's hotels was an INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE! > > THANK you VERY MUCH for destroying my childlike faith in the wonder of > magic synchronicity! This is what you get for having a lame old Harvard education just like that guy who played Harrison Ford in "Star Wars". They clouded your mind so that you would not walk down the street to the Bisuteki to ask the management to let you post their annual budget in soc.libraries.talk with all the "@"s changed to "(at)"s! SHAME ON YOU! > By the way, it's actually "Howard Johnson" now. The extra S stands for > SALT. We throw that away! And it lands in the soy sauce, right next to > the 10,000 squeeze bottles of peanut oil. EVERYTHING COOKED WITH GARLIC, SINCE GARLIC CAN PREVENT CANCER, IF DON'T WANT MUST TELL ALL RICE COME WITH FRESH ONION & BEAN SPROUTS, IF YOU DON'T WANT, MUST TELL US Our Chinese Food Quality Guaranteed #1 Chinese Restaurant in Roxbury. (The big question is, what's the best HoJo in Roxbury?) > I've seen Howard Johnson hotels that just removed the apostrophe-S from > the old sign, leaving an unsightly apostrophe-S-shaped discoloration on > the side of the building. Now that's what I call corporate identity! That's because they converted some of their old Ground Round restaurants into "'S"'s. And instead of showing old serials such as "Flash Gordon And The Phantom Menace" they just show Se–or Wences. Also they had to lose the apostrophe because they're "Blakes7" fans. Does anyone else think it's so cool that you can turn the "Blakes7" logo ninety degrees to turn it into a "Star Trek" logo? It's an amazingly clever thing to notice, isn't it? AND ON BLAKES7 THEY'RE ALWAYS EATING AT HOJO'S! WITH ALL ELEVEN KENNEDYS WHO HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, WHOSE INSIGNIA IS AN ICE CREAM CONE ON FIRE NEXT TO UNDERPANTS!!! -- K. This is the part of the article where I sing the two chords at the end of the "Blakes7" theme. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Hey Froggy! Lookit what I got at Toys R Us! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 07:56:10 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Hey, Froggy, look what I got today! Another fine product from the makers of "Tongue of Frog" or the people who learned English from them! And the best part is, this is NOT A FROG!!! This is a pair of "Snapper Hands" made by Lucky Star Enterprises & Co., Ltd., in Taiwan. (MOISTEN NEEDLE BEFORE INSERTING TAIWAN!) I got 'em in the special "cheap toys for kids you only pretend to love" aisle at Toys R Us, where everything is a dollar because it's the same junk they sell in The Dollar Store. Only at The Dollar Store they don't have ice cream by the cash register. Well, not edible ice cream. And now, ladies and gentlemen and Froggy, I present: SNAPPER HAND. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- S N A P P E R H A N D SHAPPS ON ANYTHING BACK IN 7 FEET [Imagine that this part is in Times Roman with dr unk enlet tersp acing and the nose of the "f" has been chopped off] *This product is sticky as soft rubber. *The tongue is extendable, capable of sticking to an object at a long distance. *Even though it is sticky, unlike bubble gum, it can be pulled up easily. *Wash it with soap should stickiness be decreased. *The unsect picture on this card can be cut off along the lining and be used to play with. Illustration: Stretch as if it is a fishing rod, capable of extending far. Pull it backward using both hands, then throw it out holding base with one hand. It will maintain its original shape no matter how you treat it. * Please note carefully: Don't throw it at anyone's face Don't go to places nearby fire. Harmless, but do not eat. Don't pull out its tongue, otherwise it will fall off. * This article is made from an oil so it may stain if thrown onto walls, furniture or clothing. * Please keep it in the plastic container on this card. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -- K. KIBOLOGY SHAPPS ON ANYTHING WITHIN 7 FEET! KIBOLOGY: HARMLESS, BUT DO NOT EAT! P.S. I'm still looking for the unsects that are hidden somewhere in this picture of a stretchy hand grabbing a pearl necklace, two golf tees, and a 7 cent piece. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Even more stuff about grocery stores. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 09:09:38 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Melissa (mg@minnmicro.com) wrote: > > Subject: Even more stuff about grocery stores. YAY! We can NEVER have too much of that, especially from where I'm sitting! I think the ultimate alt.religion.kibology article would have to combine that with a Cute Dog Story, something filled with bees, something ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN, something about insane dishwashers who love shredded coconut, something about a fake Dr. Pepper made from lutefisk mixed with asafetida, and Kibo's marriage to television's torpid and emotionless Barbara Bain. It would go something like this: Today I was with my dog, Gentian Violet, at the dog food supermarket, and Gentian didn't like it because it was filled with bees which stung him all over as I tried fruitlessly to fend them off with a DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR, which didn't work because bees don't care whether you have no fruit. Then Archimedes Plutonium came in and made French onion soup with Dr. Pepper instead of Coke, and he didn't have any onions (because onions are fruit) and so he used coconut instead, and then Barbara Bain tasted it and it was so gross that she almost made a face. And then she threw up ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN! So, people of alt.religion.kibology, it is pointless to try to top that article. And now, back to Melissa's excellent article which prompted me to write the perfect article. > Now that it's 47 degrees out, all that snow from last week is melting. Heat > waves like this call for grilling large slabs of meat. Waah! I must be stupid. I just grilled a whole package of "Pizza-Style Canadian-Style Bacon", which consisted of about forty tiny pink circles that look like quarters stamped out of human flesh. They were so thin you could see through them. If you used a haw flake and a Pizza-Style Canadian- Style Bacon slice to play conkers, the haw flake would go right through the other pink disc. This is the world's smallest sliced meat product. The only thing smaller would perhaps be the bits of bacon in Campbell's Bean With Bacon Soup, which look like pink eyelashes. > Not having a dead cow of my own handy, I went to the grocery store in the > little town near my teeny tiny town in Minnesota. It has an "ethnic foods" > aisle, which includes taco shells and soy sauce, and an "institutional" > aisle. This is where you can find gallon jugs of > > heavy > Mayonnaise > for institutional use > > ...which I suppose is like regular mayonnaise, but fortified with yummy > deuterium. It's used for lubricating the straitjackets, which are always way too tight because they shrink when they get mayonnaise in them. So you gotta put more mayonnaise on them next time. Plus it's fun to yell, "HEY, ARCHIE, TIME FOR YOUR MAYONNAISE BATH!" and then he comes running and then he sees that you've installed this big robot arm that'll apply the mayonnaise none to gently. That, in a nutshell, is the institutional use at the Mayo Clinic. > At the checkout (this grocery store is too small have conveyor belts, so > there's no DIVIDeRs), the checker handed me a little ticket and asked if I > knew about their drawing. Can YOU draw ME? +------------------+ | O | | O | | | | | | |____________| | | | +------------------+ If so, then you may be eligible for a future career as a DIVIDeR!!! > Uh, no, I said, and she explained that I needed > to fill out the back of the ticket with my name and address, then put it in > the box, and I would be entered in a drawing. > > "And then what happens?" > "Then maybe your name gets picked." > "And then?" > "You can win one of 11 prizes." > "Eleven," I said? "Why eleven?" > > And she said, deadpan, "I don't know. I guess because it's a nice round > number." I allus thought ones was kinda pointy, they got them barbs on top. > I suspect that she's amused by the heavy mayonnaise, too. Could be worse. Could be crunchy mayonnaise. In a spray bottle. Labelled "WHITE DIARRHEA". -- K. Is this where Etienne begins shouting "Kibo's gone too far!"? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Even more stuff about grocery stores. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 09:14:54 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > Melissa (mg@minnmicro.com) wrote: > > > > This is where you can find gallon jugs of > > > > heavy > > Mayonnaise > > for institutional use > > It makes the straight jackets slide on easier. WAAH! I JUST MADE THAT JOKE SECONDS BEFORE YOU PUT YOUR DAY-OLD ARTICLE ON MY SCREEN, YOU WEENER! (to Diana Muldaur) BRING ME... THE MIRACLE WHIP! > Aaaah, supermarkets. Now with thirty percent extra WACKY for your > Kibological enjoyment! > > Airline food: Comedians :: Supermarkets : Kibology Also, Airline food : Airline Passengers :: Supermarkets : Godzilla Therefore, because comedians travel on planes, I am Godzilla. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME I SHALL CRUSH YOUR VILLAGE WITH MY MIGHTILY MALFORMED SYLLOGISMS! -- K. I keep forgetting to tell you people about Baby Diaper Surprise and her Diaper Suprise Center. I gotta take a laptop computer to Toys R Us next time. Toys R Us is even stupider than the average supermarket. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: I'll never get it, NEVER! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 09:24:36 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Leah Verre (fleabite@seanet.com) wrote: > > For the last week or so I've been trying to write original posts to a.r.k. > I said early on that there are some people who are meant to be original, and > then there are others who simply follow-up to other people's originality. Yes, I agree. (MECHANICAL TIMER ON AN OLD MICROWAVE OVEN GOES "PING!") > Though I seem to have become one of the latter individuals, I still have > hope that somewhere hidden deap in my drug-addled brane, are some original > chuckle-inducing paragraphs. Someday I hope to write a story where a guy is choking on a gumdrop and Dr. Heimlich comes over and kicks him in the stomach and then I say "And then a chuckle came out of his mouth. It was the black one in the middle that nobody likes." [ red ] [ yellow ] [ black ] [ orange ] [ green ] ^ | YOU ARE HERE That's a diagram of how to write for alt.religion.kibology by noted sci-fi diagrammer, George Elrick Effinger. Oh, dear, I just pushed the McIrvin Limit off a cliff and spit on it. I'm sorry, it was an accident. (MECHANICAL TIMER ON AN OLD MICROWAVE OVEN GOES "CLUNK!") > So I hit the covetted "Compose New Message" box and stare at it for a goodly > ten or twelve minutes before banging my head against the keyboard repeatedly > a la Don Music. Then Jim Henson came over and took off your glasses and you turned into Guy Smiley. Then Frankie Avalon said, "Why, without your glasses, you're BEE-YOUTIFUL!" And Ernie came over and pulled your felt nose off and said, "And without your nose, how do you smell? PEE-YOUTIFUL!" Then Bert talked about how much he likes pigeons and Oscar started smoking. > It's sort of like when I decide that I am going to DRAWR A PITCHUH. I get > out a big piece of pristine white paper. Then I get out my brushes and > place them ever so neatly in a spot within my reach. Then I sit and think > and visualize and think some more ... and then I get up and go clean the > house. > > YAY! Leha's brane no workee! > Usenet was SAVED! You're never going to be a model citizen of The Secret City this way. Make lotsa drawings, especially of futuristic tanks and planes and spaceships all shooting your elementary school gym teacher who is buried up to his neck in a mixture of fire ants and black Chuckles, and never throw any of them away. Then run for President and after you win, publish all the drawings and yell, "HA HA, IT'S TOO LATE TO NOT VOTE FOR ME BECAUSE OF THESE NOW!" -- K. That reminds me, I need to pick a Vice President for my 2000 campaign. I'm considering either the Taco Bell Dog or any other talking dog, as long as he's as real as the Taco Bell one. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: I'll never get it, NEVER! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 09:34:01 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com.guacamole) wrote: > > Leah Verre (fleabite@seanet.com) writes: > > > > For the last week or so I've been trying to write original posts to a.r.k. > > I said early on that there are some people who are meant to be original, and > > then there are others who simply follow-up to other people's originality. > > Making them unoriginal! Waaaah! Originality was *RUINED*! > My favorite thing about the Spot meme is that is shows up every year > around Giftmas, and then goes for a few months until roughly summertime, > when it's forgotten. Then in October or so, someone remembers it. A > rogue Kibologist with long-term memory (probably Tef) brings up Spot, then > the entire newsgroup yells, "OH YEAH! SPOT! I REMEMBER HIM! WOW I CAN'T > WAIT UNTIL HMAS!" And then Hmas arrives and we get our yearly dose of > Spot and beat the meme into a pile of random ASCII characters again. HAW HAW YOU SOUND LIKE MATT McIRVIN!!!! (And so does William Shatner.) > > Though I seem to have become one of the latter individuals, I still have > > hope that somewhere hidden deap in my drug-addled brane, are some original > > chuckle-inducing paragraphs. > > The thing about ARK is that starting a new thread is *hard*. Not as hard as _ending_ a thread you don't like. Unless, of course, you have the unlimited godlike power which I, Superman, and Gumby share. > Really, really tough. It's not like most groups, where you can ask a question > ("Wasn't that Jamie Farr I saw in THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE?") and start a > nice little thread. Here, if you ask a question, you're setting yourself > up for abuse most foul. Why??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? > The safest thing to do is to follow up to someone > else's post and bring up your new little chuckle-inducing paragraphs in > the followup. As opposed to vomit-inducing paragraphs in the throwup. I still want to know why Fred Flintstone stooped to endorsing Push-Ups. And how come Pull-Ups go on your butt but Push-Ups go in your mouth? > > So I hit the covetted "Compose New Message" box and stare at it for a goodly > > ten or twelve minutes before banging my head against the keyboard repeatedly > > a la Don Music. > > Neanderthal creativity? I wonder what all those people Alexander Abian calls "PRE-NEANDERTHAL PRE-CAMBRIAN PRE-EINSTEIN PRE-RAPHAELITE MOTHER SUPERIORS" bang against their keyboards. I have no idea what that would be. To get an idea, I shall now bang my head against the keyboard. nbbh nnnhnbjhbhgn Hmm, that didn't do very much. Let me try it again. m nuj8i9k u78jyh6tgkoi Ahh, much better. Ow! > > It's sort of like when I decide that I am going to DRAWR A PITCHUH. I get > > out a big piece of pristine white paper. Then I get out my brushes and > > place them ever so neatly in a spot within my reach. Then I sit and think > > and visualize and think some more ... and then I get up and go clean the > > house. > > When stuck for new ARK material, go grocery shopping. I'm not joking. What's wrong with just watching the worst TV shows you can find? And believe me, it takes a Kibologist to find a truly bad one. I can't wait for that new Sci-Fi Channel "First Wave" which is a serious drama about Nostradamus predicting the war with the space aliens in 2000. NOSTRADAMUS WROTE CRAP FOR THE SCI-FI CHANNEL!!! > > YAY! Leha's brane no workee! > > Usenet was SAVED! > > Unless you've got n00d gifs of Elton John servicing a rabid llama or > something, I don't think you can break Usenet. I have the 500,000-question Sheryl Crow green golfball test. -- K. Attached please find the complete film of "Star Wars 1" in DVD-ROM format, followed by the HAPPYNET99.EXE virus. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Vaseline salesman Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 09:39:41 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > [deconstruction of a really lame bawdy salesman joke, done in the style > of G. Legman's seminal "Rationale Of The Dirty Joke"] > > [dot dot dot] > > If you're going to make up some house rule where nudity is involved in > deciding the chores, you save that for a short joke. I think that sentence is far funnier than any dirty joke ever could be. My first rule of comedy: JOKES AIN'T FUNNY. > And people say that TV sucks. Especially when you're watching "The People Saying TV Sucks Channel". I tell you, they'll put anything on TV these days. I mean, look at PBS. They show _documentaries_. I mean, why would anyone who likes documentaries own a TV? It's just STUPID. -- K. I woulda said "TLC" or "A&E" but I only watch PBS, especially as I don't know how to program my VCR 'cause I'm a celebrity!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: :-) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Wed, 17 Mar 1999 09:43:12 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > Vice Admiral Acker (KamiBot@rotfl.com) wrote: > > > > WOW! YOU were the one to make that up? > > You can tell he made it because the one they found on Mars has his > signature beneath it. Yes, but you can only read the signature through a 10,000-mile-long telescope because otherwise you're too close to see all of it. Hey, did anyone else ever notice that Mars is also a candy bar? -- K. And how come there's no planet named Hershey? You know, like that highway that goes behind Chevy Chase. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Judge rejects lawsuit against God Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:54:28 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > > Judge rejects lawsuit against God > > Followup headline: "God countersues Archimedes Plutonium for harassment > and defamation" God testified under oath that Archie made Him cry. That's why it rains! > "Observers were shocked today when God, dressed in purple chinos, I wacky-parsed that as "purple chimps". > a wicker shirt and Ray-Bans, appeared on the front steps of the LA County > Court for an impromptu press conference. In a deep baritone reminiscent > of James Earl Jones, His voice cracking with emotion, God declared that > he had been driven almost to the brink of suicide by the defendant." Interesting philisophical question: How WOULD God kill Himself? > "'He makes me look bad,' God proclaimed, pounding His mighty fist upon > the podium, 'like I didn't have my sh*t together, you know? I mean, an > omnipotent being that could create someone that far off the cliff, it > just ain't right, man. Y'know, I've got a sense of humour and all, just > look at Dennis Rodman, but this sh*t is way off My scale.'" I don't think God would use asterisks. He's just leave out all the vowels, like when you say JHVH instead of Jehovah so that he won't hear you. That's the difference between swears and prayers: prayers got vowels. Also Prayer Bears sell better than Swear Bears. > "The defendant refused to comment: Wednesday is lasagne night at the > Hanover Inn in Dartmouth, and it can get hard to remove from the serving > dishes after it has been sitting around for several hours. His > attorney, an as-yet-unnamed member of the Plutonium Atom Foundation, did > release a press statement in which the defendant lists his favorite > foods in the alphabetical order of the country of origin." "Mommy, is 'Pluto' alphabetized before or after 'Plutoniumland'? Mommy, is the Earth a place? Mommy, what time is my foot?" > > March 15, 1999 > > Web posted at: 9:24 a.m. EST (1424 GMT) > > > SYRACUSE, New York (AP) - A Pennsylvania man's lawsuit naming > > God as a defendant has been thrown out by a court in Syracuse. Wrong venue. Try the Vatican, you bozo. > Also dismissed was the civil case in which the man accused Satan of > molesting him as a child, and the most recent case in which he claimed > that the Angel Gabriel broke his nose with a frozen mullet. > > The man vowed to continue his fight, waving the subpoena from the > lawsuit naming Mohammed and Buddha as co-defendants. This new lawsuit > accuses them of spiking his milk with a mixture of anabolic steroids and > extra-strength laxatives, which has caused Mr. Drusky's sphincter > muscles to become hypertrophic. > > > Donald Drusky, 63, of East McKeesport, Pennsylvania, blames God > > for failing to bring him justice in a 30-year battle against > > his former employer, the steelmaker now called USX Corp. "USX. No matter how you say it, we're half SUX and half SEX." > The lawsuit was thrown out when God presented an alibi covering His > activities for the past three decades. "I've been dead for years," God > commented on CNN's "Larry King" show, "but apparently Donald didn't get > Nietzsche's memo. This memo had all the info on who to contact during > My absence." Focus has now moved towards a second suspect, known as > "Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds." > > > The company fired him in 1968, when it was called U.S. Steel. > > > > "Defendant God is the sovereign ruler of the universe and took > > no corrective action against the leaders of his Church and his > > Nation for their extremely serious wrongs, which ruined the > > life of Donald S. Drusky," the lawsuit said. > > What I want to know is: did it have the first two words "From the" in > Vivaldi font; the rest in Geneva font and the headers in gold as per the > letterhead of the Plutonium Atom Foundation, but no use in wasting this > nice cotton paper on the above? I just like how his name is "Donald Duk" with "Srsy" (for "Se–or Sissy") stuck in to class it up. > > Drusky wanted God to return his youth and grant him the guitar- > > playing skills of famous guitarists, along with resurrecting > > his mother and his pet pigeon. Is this where Philip K. Dick holds up the dead cat, or am I thinking of that guy in Duran Duran? MATT! EXPLAIN NOW! > > If God failed to appear in court, federal rules of civil procedure > > say he must lose by default, Drusky argued. > > Drusky's mother was not available for comment. > > This is the reason Archie always wins his cases: his imaginary > defendants never show up in court. Except to laugh at him, and that > doesn't count. I think that would be a good title for his next autobiography, "The Square Root Of Imaginary Laughter." and/or its effect on Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds with Leonard Nimoy as the janitor who gets the killer dust ball out of the vacuum cleaner. MAAAAATT!!! > > U.S. District Judge Norman Mordue last week found the suit - > > which also named former presidents Ronald Reagan and George > > Bush, the television networks, all 50 states, every single > > American, all federal judges, and the 100th through 105th > > congresses as defendants -- to be frivolous. > > As Kibo has said, there should be a word for lawsuits that go beyond > frivolous: in this case, the word "DUH" pronounced continuously over a > one week period. By the jury. Who would be robots with nuclear bombs shaped like the word "DUH" where their mouths should be, so that when they talk it makes enormous "DUH"-shaped shockwaves that go "BANG!DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" > Speaking of frivolous lawsuits: I seem to remember that Archie had until > February to go decide whether he was going ahead with his imaginary > lawsuit against STD. > > In article <75hlbq$esl$1@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> > Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes: > > > > The Plutonium Atom Foundation is grateful to Mr. D and > > blesses him, and others like him to the Fields of Elysium. Atom > > I have until February to decide to go ahead or not. I like > > situations like this, where either way is of advantage to PAF. > > I wonder, given the extraordinary success of his lawsuit against > Dartmouth, whether he has decided to just relax and live the rest of his > life off the settlement he received, or whether he'll go on against STD, > just on principle? Because Archie is definitely a man of principles. I doubt Archie is smart enough to figure out which side of the stamp to lick. > -dp. > Sorry, typo... > I meant "pineapples." I think you meant "haw flakes". As in, "HAW! HE'S A FLAKE!" -- K. The first person to make a pun involving "lutefisk" and "asafetida" will win a special negative Nobel Prize. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Wing Commander: Making Cliches And Idiocy Fun! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:58:54 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > [...deedle deedle...] > > If the butt is stronger then the bullet, make bullets out of the > material used to make the butt. I just want to say that this is my favorite sentence from today, except for these ones with me in them. -- K. LOTS'S GOTTA RUBBER BUTT!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Weird Things About Work Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 09:01:27 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > 1) Either the videotape drop box smells like my crotch or my crotch has taken > to smelling like the videotape drop box. I don't know what is scarier. So let's see. We have two alt.religion.kibology regulars who work for NASA. And you work in a porno video store where they don't make you wash your crotch. Where in this spectrum would you place me, and could you please do it without TOUCHING me? -- K. That reminds me, I have to continue not renting videos. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Pope's First Pop CD, Video Premier Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 05:38:18 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor > VATICAN CITY (AP) -- Spreading the word worldwide with a world > beat, Vatican Radio and Sony Classical are introducing a first-ever > music CD and video featuring Pope John Paul II, praying to the > accompaniment of Celtic flutes and African drums. It sounds like rap but with an extra c in front. > The target audience: MTV and the pop charts, as well as 1 > billion faithful around the globe. > Producers will release the first 1 million copies of ``Abba Pater'' I'm so sick of that TV commercial they show all night with the four pictures of the Pope going around and around in a glowing seventies video poker machine!!! In a special universe where there are only four cards in a hand!!! > around the world on Tuesday, timing it for the Easter > holidays and the upcoming 2,000th anniversary of Christianity. Wow! Chirstianity was founded when Baby Jesus was only half a day old! > The pope got his copy, the first one produced, at his general audience > Wednesday in St. Peter's Square. Now you know what the zuchetto's for: he wears Walkman headphones under it. -- K. Next the Pope is going to say he's bigger than the Beatles! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.misc,alt.religion.kibology,soc.libraries.talk From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: LINUX on an iMac Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 05:42:53 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Daniel Buettner (buettner@cse.unl.edu) wrote: > > In comp.os.linux.misc, Don Saklad (dsaklad@berne.ai.mit.edu) wrote: > > > > Can LINUX be run on an iMac?... > > I don't know if the Boston Public Library wants you sneaking > around trying to install LINUX on their iMac. I think you > should ask a librarian first. Also, Red Hat Linux only works on strawberry iMacs. For blueberry iMacs, you have to use Blue Socks Linux, and for tangerine iMacs, Orange Butt Linux. -- K. Hey, Don, I'll sell you my Apple Pentium 166 for $500... Get the worst of both worlds with one easy large payment! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.bio.technology,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: name for science subject of parasite debris in host Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:44:58 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.med, sci.bio.misc, sci.bio.technology, and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to himself: > > Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes: > > > > Also, someone expert on knowing the details of viral sensory > > receptors and cutting-equipment and someone expert on PrPsen structure > > would be able to roughly point at a particular family of viruses or > > fungus whose *sensory equipment* would most easily do the job of > > reforming PrPsen into PrPres. > > I also wrote in another article that the Chlamydia pneumonia bacteria > is implicated in Alzheimers disease. Now, here is a possible > unification of Alzheimers to Prion diseases. If the culprit in both > diseases is a snippet of the virus/fungus/bacteria protein coat and > even a snippet of the DNA/RNA of the virus/fungus/bacteria. You know, Arch, your theory that a virus, a fungus, and a bacterium are the same thing would be even more fun if you worked in a few more things. Like, you could say "virus = fungus = bacterium = Hostess snack cake = elastic waistband = bottle rocket = my left sock." Then you'd get the Nobel Prize for tying together the most unrelated things! I mean, it takes a GENIUS like Archie to realize that two completely unrelated things, such as fungi and viri, are exactly the same. > I believe, although I do not know, and perhaps Tony will quickly come > to the rescue by saying that there exists such a field of study. > > Anyway, I am going to suggest that there exists no hard core field of > science study of virus, fungus, bacterial debris in the body of the > host. And that a science field should be created whose objective is to > study the debris of these foreign invaders into the body and to trace > and catalog what that debris is and how it moves through the body and > passed out of the body. And once all viruses are eradicated, no more pooping! Hooray! > I suspect there is no such field of science and that the knowledge of > this subject is kept with the knowledge of those particular viruses or > fungus that catch our attention. And that many scientists neglect what > happens to the debris of these foreign invaders of the body. If my > model of prion disease and Alzheimers is correct, would imply that both > of these diseases are caused by debris of a foreign invader such as a > virus. Um, Arch, the virus only gets out of the cell when the cell pops and is dead. I suspect that your cells are exploding may be a bigger problem than what happens to any pieces of the virus after the virus is killed. > It is usually the case that when a human kills another human it is > via the arrow or the gun bullet or the missile that the human sends the > other. Archie has just proven that people don't kill people, guns kill people! You're the exact opposite of Ted Nugent! Except that you're not sane. > Likewise, the nucleic acid of a virus, or fungus or bacteria may > not kill the host but the debris such as protein coating and coating > sensory equipment that causes the disease in the host. > > If there is not a formal science on this already, what would be a > good name for the science study of the material shed by a parasite? > Parasite Byproducts? And what about parasites that reply to their own articles, and the material they shed all over the Internet? -- K. Mmm, Alpo Parasite By-Products... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.bio.technology,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Mechanism that generates prion disease; cure and treatment Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:51:44 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.med, sci.bio.misc, sci.bio.technology, and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Bennett (bennett4490@my-dejanews.com) writes: > > > > The GSS and FFI there are known mutations within the coding region of the > > PrP gene - these seem to make it more susceptible to turning into PrPres > > from PrPsen. They're both hereditary, but GSS is more common (IIRC) and > > has been known about for longer, hence I think it's the best example of > > hereditary prion disease. > > Bennett, what is this IIRC stuff you keep mentioning? And can they > give specifics on this mutation on the gene of GSS? Arch, re IIRC: YHTY, YHL, YHBFB, GAL, HAND. -- K. Also, IFTM "TANSTAAFL", TTFN, DDDD! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Reese cups & Kahlua; black and red plums Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:55:59 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.med and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium wrote (again): > > I am experiencing a likening taste towards plums in the grocery > store. In my youth I never appreciated fresh plums until now. So, has > anyone else experienced an acquired older age (50) taste for fresh > plums? And I like the crisp plums, not when they are soft in anyway, Roman A Kresinski (r.a.kresinski@staffs.ac.uk) wrote: > > Did I ever tell you about those plums, you know, those lovely fresh > ones? I'm sure I told somebody - I think it was you - but I'm not sure. > Perhaps it was someone else. Anyway, there were these plums... have you > heard this before? Not boring you, am I? Dear Roman, please tell us about your favorite plums. I think the science newsgroups would love to hear about plums from a sane person for a change. Does anyone else think that someday Archie is going to change his name to "Archimedes Plumbum" so that he can be named after his favorite fruit AND a particularly dense chemical element at the same time? -- K. Or better yet, he could replace Snuggles, the fabric-softener bear, and go around squealing, "It's so soft in anyway!"