Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: AS THE MOON BURNS (March 21, 1999) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 07:28:36 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor IN THE CLASSIC PREVIOUS EPISODE OF "AS THE MOON BURNS": > Kibo told his tedious wife, television's Barbara Bain, that he wants a > divorce unless she wins an Oscar this spring. She burst into tears and > pointed out that there was no time, as the nominations will be announced > in two days, but Kibo smirkingly suggested that there was nothing in > the United States Constitution that prohibited write-in campaigns for > the Oscars. > > Unbeknownst to Kibo, Barbara Bain started seeing a therapist > (Dr. Joyce Brothers) and the two of them began plotting against him. > Fortunately, they got distracted during a role-playing session when they > got confused as to which one of them was which. > > Meanwhile, Kibo made a romantic phone call to a mystery woman, telling > her that they would have to keep her love affair secret until "Cinnamon > is toast, because... well... you remember what happened with Woody and > Soon-Yi." Could this mystery woman be the reason Kibo was so eager to > go to Barbara Bain's family reunion? > > Kibo pretended not to notice the body of a Colombian drug lord floating > face down in his swimming pool at his palatial estate in Beverly Hills... > prompting his neighbor, Hugh Hefner, to have a flashback to the night > when the concrete for the pool was poured at 3 A.M., the same night an > entire Major League Baseball team owned by Kibo disappeared. > > And what is the identity of the mysterious stranger who was seen taping > an envelope of unknown origin to the underside of Kibo's Dodge Viper? > Will the bank foreclose on Kibo's Ferris wheel? What is in the locked > drawer of Barbara Bain's vanity? Who is the man posing as Kibo's butler > and why is he wearing moon boots? TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER THRILLING > INSTALLMENT OF "AS THE MOON BURNS", FOLLOWING "THE PRICE IS RIGHT" ON > MOST OF THESE CBS STATIONS! AND NOW, THIS WEEK'S ALL-NEW EPISODE! IN THIS WEEK'S EXCITING EPISODE: Barbara "Cinnamon" Bain personally visited every member of the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences to solicit write-in Oscar votes, as she wasn't nominated, because, of course, she wasn't in any movies in 1998, and besides, she's robot-like. The Oscars ceremony is in less than 24 hours and it remains to be seen whether Barbara Bain's secret Bain Campaign will aid her fame. Meanwhile, in Spain, rain fell mainly on the plain. Kibo had another tryst with the Mystery Woman that he has been seeing whenever he can get away with Barbara Bain. Just who is this Mystery Woman? Although we did not get a good look at her in the pitch-black confinese of the swankiest restaurant in the world, Kibo was heard to tell her, "I really like your work on 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Series' even though it's just a stupid vampire show." Barbara Bain was spotted in a Beverly Hills gun shop looking for a gun small enough to be concealed behind an Oscar. She stormed out when the clerk asked her, "You mean those gold things that Martin Landau has one of?" Ted Nugent had a cameo as himself. Kibo went to a party in New York city, where he bumped into Mia "Rosemary" Farrow. He asked her, "Hypothetically speaking, Ms. Farrow, if I were married to you and I wanted to date your daughter, how could I do it so as not to make you mad?" She threw a glass of white wine in Kibo's face and readied to slap him, but he grabbed her arm. Unbeknownst to him, Barbara Bain had also been invited to this party, and when she saw Kibo holding Mia's hand, she went ballistic, mistakenly assuming that Mia was The Mystery Woman. A huge fight erupted, involving Rosemary, Cinnamon, Burger King's "Herb", and the Spice Girls. Colonel Sanders's party was ruined! Meanwhile, an enormous blimp made out of transparent plastic, and filled with a mixture of helium and bees that buzzed at an abnormally high pitch, was seen tethered to the abandoned Department Of Agriculture building overlooking Kibo's palatial home. The UPS guy erroneously delivered a package containing dozens of night-vision goggles to Kibo instead of the abandoned Department Of Agriculture building, leading him to suspect that something might be afoot. What is the significance of the strange person seen sneaking around the Boston Public Library? Why did Kibo campaign to have the "INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS CURVE WHICH WILL NO DOUBT KILL SOMEONE SOON" sign installed on a straight stretch of road near his house? And who caused the explosion in the elementary school's records office, destroying only the "K" folder for 1972 to 1977? BE SURE TO SEE THE NEXT THRILLING EPISODE OF "AS THE MOON BURNS"! -- K. And who is the sponsor of "As The Moon Burns"? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: AS THE MOON BURNS (March 21, 1999) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 10:10:48 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Terri Willis (twillis@sound.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > And who is the sponsor of "As The Moon Burns"? > > Kellogg's Pop Tarts. Try the new Bee & Bacon flavor! I still want someone to market beer with a bee on the can (it could say "BEEr" -- GET IT? GET IT?) and it would be "FIZZ BUZZ" brand beer and it would be the beer to drink when you can't decide which drinking game to play and you're in a fraternity WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, Terri, if bacon-flavor-like Pop Tarts existed, I can assure you that I would tile several dozen of them into an A0-format sheet and eat 'em all at once. Except they don't exist so I have to console myself with the regular bee-but-not-bacon kind. -- K. And just to abuse the drunken fratboys, there would be nearly identical-looking "BEEt" juice! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: AS THE MOON BURNS (March 21, 1999) Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 08:51:56 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > (James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > And who is the sponsor of "As The Moon Burns"? > > Preparation H. Not just Preparation H, but New And Improved Preparation H From The Makers Of Krazy Glue! By the way, just once I'd like to see a consumer product which says "Improved And New!" instead of "New And Improved!" when they mean "The Same Old Crap Except We Took Out The More Expensive Ingredients That Kept It From Tasting Like Cardboard!" -- K. I was going to say something about Mary Tyler Moore and the "no-pants" rule but I couldn't think of anything about no-pants. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Headline of the day. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 10:00:22 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "SHARP EDGES ON BAY LEAVES CAN DAMAGE THE INTESTINES" -- Albany Times-Union Oh, like there aren't things that can damage your intestines all around you. Like that pair of scissors, your kid's jacks, a bowling ball, a power drill, and a bottle of Orbitz. -- K. So that's why they changed Doritos to have rounded corners. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Headline of the day. Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 23:58:27 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > "SHARP EDGES ON BAY LEAVES CAN DAMAGE THE INTESTINES" > > > > -- Albany Times-Union > > Gee, Alex said I've been edgy lately, but I didn't realize it > was this bad. JOE, GET THE HELL OUT OF ALEX'S INTESTINES! (pause) NO! NO! DON'T COME OVER HERE! GET THE HELL BACK INTO ALEX'S INTESTINES! KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME!!! MOMMY!!!!! (This has been the entire script of "Fortress 3: The Intestinatoring".) > SORadvanceRY for any intestinal damage I may have caused! M. Otis Beard (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > After years of research and testing on laboratory rabbits, it was finally > ready. Fully equipped with hypnomats, mind control lasers, swinging > watches, suggest-o-rays, hallucinogen artillery and FULL PRODUCT PLACEMENT, > the Sorcery Ad Van rolled menacingly out of an unmarked garage somewhere > near Stanford University and changed the face of marketing forever. I think that someday President Reagan is going to build the world's largest magic wand -- with a five-pointed star covered with six tons of glitter on the end -- so that he can not only outlaw Russia forever, but turn it into delicious tasty jelly beans. Unfortunately, they'll turn into bay leaves after he eats them. But this'll probably never happen 'cause I think he might no longer be in charge. Or did he get re-elected again? -- K. Also, I think "Dr. Strangelove" would be funnier if, instead of a wheelchair, Peter Sellers rode around on a Weegee board puck. (WHOOSH! That's the sound of cultural obscurantism not hitting you in the forehead.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: About last moments of the Universe Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999 10:22:15 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.physics, Hannu Poropudas (haporopu@koillismaa.fi) wrote: > > I would like to say something about end of the Universe: > > Everything seems to be like that what you see when you look through > violet sunglasses. This is due that violet color electricity wave which > breaks up matter into space-potato particles and into that God's survival > ball. Well, DUH, I thought that was obvious. I mean, hasn't everyone seen purple zigzags coming out of a space potato once or twice while playing with God's Survival Ball? -- K. Do not taunt God's Survival Ball. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: All the people (was gold) in the world? Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 23:58:27 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp In alt.folklore.urban, Ralph Jones (rnjones@sni.net) wrote: > > Steve Caskey (mindless@furrfu.minedu.govt.nz) wrote: > > > > There was a book I read in my youth - the title eludes me, the author's > > surname was van Loon - That was before he changed his name to Plutonium. > > which had a grimmer variant on this. The book dated > > from before the middle of this century, so the global population was > > somewhat less, but his claim was that the entire living human race could be > > packed into a cube half a mile (as I recall) on a side. > > Of course, that allows no empty space, so you'd have to have a giant trash > compactor. Might as well, because we couldn't survive being dumped all in a > pile anyway! I call one of the top corners! Dibs on a top corner! -- K. And who said anything about DUMPING people there? We should just TRICK everyone into walking into the cube of death. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: All the people (was gold) in the world? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 10:15:29 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Steve Caskey (bluebottle@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Steve Caskey (mindless@furrfu.minedu.govt.nz) wrote: > > > > > > There was a book I read in my youth - the title eludes me, the author's > > > surname was van Loon - > > > > That was before he changed his name to Plutonium. > > The alchemists sought to turn mercury to gold, but I've never heard of anyone > changing their name to plutonium. It sounds awfully dangerous; wouldn't your > birth certificate contract lung cancer? I think Archie Plutonium's birth certificate was confiscated by the nurse when he was BAD, about twelve hours after he was born. Also they misspelled his middle name as "Ytrium", which is the only way you can tell he's not dead. -- K. I was also going to say something about hot you can tell Archie is a nutty nutty guy 'cause he keeps changing his E-mail address, but I forgot to say it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Can i make you a QUESTION? Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 23:21:09 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp In a huge glob of newsgroups, "Stefano Sbaiz" (principe@netanday.it) spammed: > > Subject: Can i make you a QUESTION? Can I make you a bozo? > Do you think is interesting to take place in one of the fastest growing > online shopping facilities on the internet? go to www.vanilla.org now and > try our products avaiable for europe but very soon for the rest of the world > !!! Please contact me for more informations i'm glad to inform you about > this wanderfoul project. ;o)) I've said it before, and I'll say it again: * Never eat any food product whose brand name includes "Delicious", "Tasty", "Yummy", etc. * Double never eat any food product whose brand name includes one of the above misspelled in a kutesy way. * And absolutely never eat any foud product described with any word ending in "-foul". -- K. I think it would be cute if Hormel actually started advertising canned meat by spamming the Internet. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Color Blindness could ruin your life in WEIRD ways! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 10:17:55 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Roger Douglas Lite 98% fact free" (rdouglas@zipworld.com.au) wrote: > > "M. Otis Beard" (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > > > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > > > Whereas the rest of us can see ALL the colors in the rainbow, including > > > > infrared, ultraviolet, X-rays, gamma rays, Blondlot's N rays, and of > > > > course the invisible death rays. > > > > > > Actually, the rainbow only contains Blondlot's N rays if the rain is > > > made of spheres of solid aluminum. Or maybe wood. > > > > > > Also the N-rainbow stays in the sky even after the rain is completely > > > gone, as long as it's completely dark. And at the end of the rainbow > > > there is a Pons-Fleischmann cell full of magical polywater. > > > > And at the other end of the rainbow is a Klein bottle full of luminiferous > > ether sitting on top of the Philosopher's Stone. > > A rainbow doesn't have any ends. A rainbow is a circle: it just looks as > though it has two ends because you can only see the part that's in the air. Dear James Shigeta, Please stop giggling during your big musical number while Sally Kellerman is doing high-kicks standing on a giant rock in the middle of the library. Also hurry up and blow up the seaQuest already. > The other half of the rainbow is underground where dwarves catch it as it > passes through their mine tunnels and beat it into rubies, emeralds, opals, > amethysts and other rare and precious minerals, with their great iron > hammers. Are you implying that rainbows are softer than iron? I think they should have to whack it with hammers made of solid diamond, because diamonds are the hardest substance in the Universe, which is why NASA probes never survive being dropped on Jupiter 'cause Jupiter's too hard because it's all diamond. Then the Monolith ate it and it turned into a big black diamond and Peter Fonda went skiing on it, but then an abandoned steam turbine filled with Pascal's Triangles and three robot samurai came out and tried to put Letraset products all over his face inside an Echoic Chamber, right next to NASA's zero-gravity chamber where they filmed that "Top Cat" comic book I once read. Thus I am more culturally sophisticated than you even though I can only see N-rays if I follow the advice of Norman Bates and THROW MY GLASSES AWAY!!! -- K. My fish cakes smell good. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Found a book of Carl Sagan Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 23:36:49 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Katrin Leser (katrin@leser.ruhr.de) wrote: > > Hallo you all, > > I found a book of Carl Sagan in the public library a few day ago.. > > Can that be? Did he write sci-fi books? > And what is even more important: > > Was he allowed?? > > Bye, > > Philipp Leser Hey, Philipp, Carl Sagan was allowed. He was allowed in our hearts and minds. He was allowed on the TV. He was allowed to pose nude for the drawing on the album sleeve for the platinum record they put on board the Viking 6 spacecraft (before it fell into a black hole.) And, most importantly, he was allowed to write that Ezio Greggio movie about the killer contact lens. If Carl Sagan had never existed, the world would be a different, Sagan-less, place. Apple Computer would be out of business. The most scientific show ever on TV would have been "Star Trek", or possibly "Battlestar Galactica". And turtlenecks would not be "cool". Carl Sagan was a very special person even though he didn't like to be 95 years old like Bob Hope has done twice. In fact, a legend says that Carl Sagan actually build that time machine for "Cosmos" just so that he could travel a million years into the future to see if Bob Hope will ever die. Sadly, Sagan's results were inconclusive. Also, the episode of "Cosmos" where Carl strolls through the miniature Library of Alexandria led to that "seaQuest" episode Spielberg personally wrote, where the submarine discovers where the Library of Alexandria went after it fell into the ocean. It's too bad Carl Sagan didn't live to see the episode where Neptune threw his giant trident at the seaQuest. He would have liked that. -- K. Heck, everyone likes seeing things thrown at the seaQuest. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: God likes water Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 06:20:54 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.new-theories In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net wrote (and I quote in full): > > > pops > > My sister talked to the person who broke the legs of the dog but she does not > know a lot about how the dog was killed. The method may have been to create > a vacuum. > > Most people are evil. A sin of omission is the greatest of all sins. I try > not to buy any thing made in China. I try not to buy any thing from > companies that abuse animals. I try not to buy any thing made by Philip > Morris. They make a lot of food. I think they own Kraft. I try not to buy > any thing made by Nabisco. I try not not buy any thing from Pro. and Gamble. > > People need to tell people and those people need to tell people. A lot of > times dishonest people get away with things because people look the other > way. > > There are to many dogs and cats. Do not let your dogs and cats have > children. It makes it more hard for dogs and cats to find owners. > > A neutrino has spin 1. > > God is mad. The curses against people associated with the U.S. are not going > to disappear. I understand all of that, and how all the carefully-thought-out sentences stick together in a logical chain of thought, except that I hope Mr. Stocklmeir will explain the "> pops" part. Does this mean that Arthur Fiedler was evil? He endorsed orange juice, and Procter & Gamble MAKES ORANGE JUICE!!! -- K. FROM SOAP!!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: I'll never get it, NEVER! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 09:57:01 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Dag ]gren FYSI" (dagren@abo.fi) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > (MECHANICAL TIMER ON AN OLD MICROWAVE OVEN GOES "PING!") > > Ha! Not only old microwave ovens have mechanical timers. It seems that > it's suddenly become really hip with mechanical timers on microwave ovens. So? I am so hip that I have a mechanical MICROWAVE OVEN. Not only does it not need any EXPENSIVE electricity, or a CONFUSING power cord (WHICH PRONG GOES INTO WHICH HOLE????), but I don't have to use any of those CUMBERSOME ADDITIONAL turntables to make the food go 'round 'cause one's already built-in, conveniently attached directly to the POWERFUL mainspring. (Shot of woman standing on a streetcorner, with a blue halo around her hair, saying robotically, "Wow I can use, it in the bathtub too how much, does it cost?") OTHER APPLIANCES SELL FOR THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS! But the miracle CRANKOWAVE sells for NOT FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS, NOT EVEN ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, but EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!! > All new ones have them. Which actually is good, becuase they are so much > easier to use. No 5:55 or 6:66 tricks needed. But... what if I *want* to cook the food for 6:66? You can't do that with YOUR oven because there aren't enough seconds between 6:00 and 7:00. Ha! I have destroyed your whole theory of oven operation forever!!! > Of course, I do realise that you never denied that new micorwave ovens have > mechanical timers, only that this one microwave oven that just went "PING!" > had one, and was old. However, there was a certain hint that only old, > INFERIOR microwave ovens have mechanical timers. And I just couldn't let > this pass by. You know, anyone who cooks in a microwave oven probably eats at McDonalds a lot. And definitely vice versa. > Also, you need a mechanical timer to get that real "PING!" sound. Do not. Adaptec Toast Pro on my Mac goes "PING!" whenever my toast is about to pop out of my 4x cup holder. > > (MECHANICAL TIMER ON AN OLD MICROWAVE OVEN GOES "CLUNK!") > > NO IT DOESN'T! IT GOES "PING"! THEY ALL GO "PING"! IT'S A BEAUTIFUL > SOUND, THIS "PING"! There are those that go "CLUNK." Trust me on this. You probably don't have American-made appliances over there in Soviet Finland. If I ever buy a microwave, I'm going to get the clunker out of the bottom of a "Q*Bert" console and put that in it. -- K. gablick gablick gablick SPROING gablick SPROING gablick gablick YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH *SMACK* Yeebyit warb faribshenaw! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: I'll never get it, NEVER! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 10:04:42 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Alex Suter (asuter@leland.Stanford.EDU) writes: > > Don't touch it! It's pure and concentrated evil! It only looks > like a delicious chicken pot pie. 'Lex, what kind of pot did you put in that pie? I think you should demand a refund from your pusher now that you can supply proof of bummer. I CERTIFY THAT ALEX SUTER IS HAVING A BIG BAD-ASS BUMMER!!!! Also, please stop appreciating the movie "Casino Royale". Thank you for your cooperation. -- Kibo, The Button-Down Hippie ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Judge rejects lawsuit against God Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:54:28 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > > Judge rejects lawsuit against God > > Followup headline: "God countersues Archimedes Plutonium for harassment > and defamation" God testified under oath that Archie made Him cry. That's why it rains! > "Observers were shocked today when God, dressed in purple chinos, I wacky-parsed that as "purple chimps". > a wicker shirt and Ray-Bans, appeared on the front steps of the LA County > Court for an impromptu press conference. In a deep baritone reminiscent > of James Earl Jones, His voice cracking with emotion, God declared that > he had been driven almost to the brink of suicide by the defendant." Interesting philisophical question: How WOULD God kill Himself? > "'He makes me look bad,' God proclaimed, pounding His mighty fist upon > the podium, 'like I didn't have my sh*t together, you know? I mean, an > omnipotent being that could create someone that far off the cliff, it > just ain't right, man. Y'know, I've got a sense of humour and all, just > look at Dennis Rodman, but this sh*t is way off My scale.'" I don't think God would use asterisks. He's just leave out all the vowels, like when you say JHVH instead of Jehovah so that he won't hear you. That's the difference between swears and prayers: prayers got vowels. Also Prayer Bears sell better than Swear Bears. > "The defendant refused to comment: Wednesday is lasagne night at the > Hanover Inn in Dartmouth, and it can get hard to remove from the serving > dishes after it has been sitting around for several hours. His > attorney, an as-yet-unnamed member of the Plutonium Atom Foundation, did > release a press statement in which the defendant lists his favorite > foods in the alphabetical order of the country of origin." "Mommy, is 'Pluto' alphabetized before or after 'Plutoniumland'? Mommy, is the Earth a place? Mommy, what time is my foot?" > > March 15, 1999 > > Web posted at: 9:24 a.m. EST (1424 GMT) > > > SYRACUSE, New York (AP) - A Pennsylvania man's lawsuit naming > > God as a defendant has been thrown out by a court in Syracuse. Wrong venue. Try the Vatican, you bozo. > Also dismissed was the civil case in which the man accused Satan of > molesting him as a child, and the most recent case in which he claimed > that the Angel Gabriel broke his nose with a frozen mullet. > > The man vowed to continue his fight, waving the subpoena from the > lawsuit naming Mohammed and Buddha as co-defendants. This new lawsuit > accuses them of spiking his milk with a mixture of anabolic steroids and > extra-strength laxatives, which has caused Mr. Drusky's sphincter > muscles to become hypertrophic. > > > Donald Drusky, 63, of East McKeesport, Pennsylvania, blames God > > for failing to bring him justice in a 30-year battle against > > his former employer, the steelmaker now called USX Corp. "USX. No matter how you say it, we're half SUX and half SEX." > The lawsuit was thrown out when God presented an alibi covering His > activities for the past three decades. "I've been dead for years," God > commented on CNN's "Larry King" show, "but apparently Donald didn't get > Nietzsche's memo. This memo had all the info on who to contact during > My absence." Focus has now moved towards a second suspect, known as > "Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds." > > > The company fired him in 1968, when it was called U.S. Steel. > > > > "Defendant God is the sovereign ruler of the universe and took > > no corrective action against the leaders of his Church and his > > Nation for their extremely serious wrongs, which ruined the > > life of Donald S. Drusky," the lawsuit said. > > What I want to know is: did it have the first two words "From the" in > Vivaldi font; the rest in Geneva font and the headers in gold as per the > letterhead of the Plutonium Atom Foundation, but no use in wasting this > nice cotton paper on the above? I just like how his name is "Donald Duk" with "Srsy" (for "Se–or Sissy") stuck in to class it up. > > Drusky wanted God to return his youth and grant him the guitar- > > playing skills of famous guitarists, along with resurrecting > > his mother and his pet pigeon. Is this where Philip K. Dick holds up the dead cat, or am I thinking of that guy in Duran Duran? MATT! EXPLAIN NOW! > > If God failed to appear in court, federal rules of civil procedure > > say he must lose by default, Drusky argued. > > Drusky's mother was not available for comment. > > This is the reason Archie always wins his cases: his imaginary > defendants never show up in court. Except to laugh at him, and that > doesn't count. I think that would be a good title for his next autobiography, "The Square Root Of Imaginary Laughter." and/or its effect on Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds with Leonard Nimoy as the janitor who gets the killer dust ball out of the vacuum cleaner. MAAAAATT!!! > > U.S. District Judge Norman Mordue last week found the suit - > > which also named former presidents Ronald Reagan and George > > Bush, the television networks, all 50 states, every single > > American, all federal judges, and the 100th through 105th > > congresses as defendants -- to be frivolous. > > As Kibo has said, there should be a word for lawsuits that go beyond > frivolous: in this case, the word "DUH" pronounced continuously over a > one week period. By the jury. Who would be robots with nuclear bombs shaped like the word "DUH" where their mouths should be, so that when they talk it makes enormous "DUH"-shaped shockwaves that go "BANG!DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" > Speaking of frivolous lawsuits: I seem to remember that Archie had until > February to go decide whether he was going ahead with his imaginary > lawsuit against STD. > > In article <75hlbq$esl$1@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> > Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes: > > > > The Plutonium Atom Foundation is grateful to Mr. D and > > blesses him, and others like him to the Fields of Elysium. Atom > > I have until February to decide to go ahead or not. I like > > situations like this, where either way is of advantage to PAF. > > I wonder, given the extraordinary success of his lawsuit against > Dartmouth, whether he has decided to just relax and live the rest of his > life off the settlement he received, or whether he'll go on against STD, > just on principle? Because Archie is definitely a man of principles. I doubt Archie is smart enough to figure out which side of the stamp to lick. > -dp. > Sorry, typo... > I meant "pineapples." I think you meant "haw flakes". As in, "HAW! HE'S A FLAKE!" -- K. The first person to make a pun involving "lutefisk" and "asafetida" will win a special negative Nobel Prize. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Judge rejects lawsuit against God Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 10:23:12 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > Great. So Kibo's talking about God in this newsgroup now. Dear God, Are you there? It's me, Margaret. I mean, Greg Kinnear. I would say more about Garry Marshall being a bozo but I'm listening to the soundtrack to someone else's movie and I can't think about anything else because it was recorded with WAY TOO MUCH STEREO so the two halves of the orchestra are playing tug-of-war with my brain. All the Oompas are about a mile to my left and all the Loompas are about a mile to my right and still they're so loud they can drown out the environment despite the fact that only one ear is in use at any moment. > One would hope this doesn't have the same effect as talking about other > people (with the exception of BOB HOPE BOB HOPE BOB HOPE BOB HOPE of course.) You are referring to the "JESUS IS OUR HOPE" posters shown in the back of that Subgenius book that were changed to "BOB IS OUR HOPE", "JESUS IS OUR BOB", and "JESUS IS BOB HOPE", and probably violating Reverend Stang's copyright and when he sues you everyone on the Internet will find out his real name, which nobody has ever done before. Also, it rhymes with "Pavid Dotter". -- K. I'm still trying to figure out who Buster Poindexter was. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.misc,alt.religion.kibology,soc.libraries.talk From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: LINUX on an iMac Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 05:42:53 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Daniel Buettner (buettner@cse.unl.edu) wrote: > > In comp.os.linux.misc, Don Saklad (dsaklad@berne.ai.mit.edu) wrote: > > > > Can LINUX be run on an iMac?... > > I don't know if the Boston Public Library wants you sneaking > around trying to install LINUX on their iMac. I think you > should ask a librarian first. Also, Red Hat Linux only works on strawberry iMacs. For blueberry iMacs, you have to use Blue Socks Linux, and for tangerine iMacs, Orange Butt Linux. -- K. Hey, Don, I'll sell you my Apple Pentium 166 for $500... Get the worst of both worlds with one easy large payment! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.misc,sci.med,sci.bio.technology,sci.bio.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Lowest entity or thing in Psychology Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 25 Mar 1999 09:37:08 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.psychology.misc, sci.med, sci.bio.technology, and sci.bio.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to himself: > > Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) writes: > > > > This Brain Locus theory implies that viruses have brains, and even > > none living things can have brains since they have atoms. > > Maybe I can make some progress on that also. Obviously a rock does not > have a brain, but since it has atoms, can we say that a rock has a > mind? Absolutely, because we already know that the average rock is smarter than you. > Well, we know that a rock must obey the laws of physics such as > gravitation or electromagnetism etc and the particle interaction is > that law of physics. > > What is different about photons received into a living creature that > will compose a mind, from a photon that is received into a rock? Well, > a rock does not have a brain to process and execute the idea contained > in the photon. Remember, folks, rocks are invisible because they're too dumb to interact with photons. I wish I could live in Archie's world for just a day... where rocks are intelligent but invisible, and where candy is plentiful. And where everyone wants to hear me talk about what kind of raspberries I had for dinner. > But a living creature does have parts to execute the > idea contained. But something else distinguishes living creatures from > nonliving. They have nucleic/amino acids that when taken as a whole is > imperfect photon or light wave. Today only, dented photons, half off! (PHOTONS ARE SOLD BY MASS, NOT BY WAVELENGTH. SOME INTERACTION MAY HAVE HAPPENED DURING SHIPPING AND HANDLING. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT PHOTONS.) > Somehow, a photon resonates when inside a living creature onto its DNA/RNA. > > So, nonliving things do not have brains and are not thinking and have > no minds. But living things do have brains since they have at least one > atom and they think and have minds because they have DNA/RNA which > resonates by the captured photon sent by the Nucleus of 231Pu. Hey, Arch, maybe you can help the rest of us settle a bet: How many IQ points dumber does your magic atom become after it throws away a photon? Enquiring minds want to know. Even rocks. -- K. Also I think neutron stars are pretty brainy even though they don't have real atoms in them, just generic particle-like substitutes. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.bio.technology,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Mechanism that generates prion disease; cure and treatment Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:51:44 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.med, sci.bio.misc, sci.bio.technology, and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Bennett (bennett4490@my-dejanews.com) writes: > > > > The GSS and FFI there are known mutations within the coding region of the > > PrP gene - these seem to make it more susceptible to turning into PrPres > > from PrPsen. They're both hereditary, but GSS is more common (IIRC) and > > has been known about for longer, hence I think it's the best example of > > hereditary prion disease. > > Bennett, what is this IIRC stuff you keep mentioning? And can they > give specifics on this mutation on the gene of GSS? Arch, re IIRC: YHTY, YHL, YHBFB, GAL, HAND. -- K. Also, IFTM "TANSTAAFL", TTFN, DDDD! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.bio.misc,sci.bio.technology,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: name for science subject of parasite debris in host Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:44:58 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.med, sci.bio.misc, sci.bio.technology, and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to himself: > > Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes: > > > > Also, someone expert on knowing the details of viral sensory > > receptors and cutting-equipment and someone expert on PrPsen structure > > would be able to roughly point at a particular family of viruses or > > fungus whose *sensory equipment* would most easily do the job of > > reforming PrPsen into PrPres. > > I also wrote in another article that the Chlamydia pneumonia bacteria > is implicated in Alzheimers disease. Now, here is a possible > unification of Alzheimers to Prion diseases. If the culprit in both > diseases is a snippet of the virus/fungus/bacteria protein coat and > even a snippet of the DNA/RNA of the virus/fungus/bacteria. You know, Arch, your theory that a virus, a fungus, and a bacterium are the same thing would be even more fun if you worked in a few more things. Like, you could say "virus = fungus = bacterium = Hostess snack cake = elastic waistband = bottle rocket = my left sock." Then you'd get the Nobel Prize for tying together the most unrelated things! I mean, it takes a GENIUS like Archie to realize that two completely unrelated things, such as fungi and viri, are exactly the same. > I believe, although I do not know, and perhaps Tony will quickly come > to the rescue by saying that there exists such a field of study. > > Anyway, I am going to suggest that there exists no hard core field of > science study of virus, fungus, bacterial debris in the body of the > host. And that a science field should be created whose objective is to > study the debris of these foreign invaders into the body and to trace > and catalog what that debris is and how it moves through the body and > passed out of the body. And once all viruses are eradicated, no more pooping! Hooray! > I suspect there is no such field of science and that the knowledge of > this subject is kept with the knowledge of those particular viruses or > fungus that catch our attention. And that many scientists neglect what > happens to the debris of these foreign invaders of the body. If my > model of prion disease and Alzheimers is correct, would imply that both > of these diseases are caused by debris of a foreign invader such as a > virus. Um, Arch, the virus only gets out of the cell when the cell pops and is dead. I suspect that your cells are exploding may be a bigger problem than what happens to any pieces of the virus after the virus is killed. > It is usually the case that when a human kills another human it is > via the arrow or the gun bullet or the missile that the human sends the > other. Archie has just proven that people don't kill people, guns kill people! You're the exact opposite of Ted Nugent! Except that you're not sane. > Likewise, the nucleic acid of a virus, or fungus or bacteria may > not kill the host but the debris such as protein coating and coating > sensory equipment that causes the disease in the host. > > If there is not a formal science on this already, what would be a > good name for the science study of the material shed by a parasite? > Parasite Byproducts? And what about parasites that reply to their own articles, and the material they shed all over the Internet? -- K. Mmm, Alpo Parasite By-Products... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.fan.mike-jittlov,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Packing for romance, but where? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 08:52:26 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > The red is indeed on the outside. > > > > > > As I (vaguely) understand it, light rays bouncing around inside a > > > transparent sphere will tend to form a sort of bright cusp at the critical > > > angle of total internal reflection. So seen from the *outside* the > > > raindrop, [...] > > > > I forgot to mention that sometimes you can see the result of *double* > > reflection inside the drop, and then the colors in the second bow are the > > other way around because... I don't know, you figure it out. > > > > The colors in a sun halo (which comes from direct refraction through ice > > crystals, > > I realized this part may be wrong. I don't know what the light does > when it goes through the ice crystals except that these halos often > form when there are thin cirrus clouds and they sometimes have bright > spots called "sun dogs" and there is an allusion to this in some > Shakespeare play and much more poop. Okay, first Matt replies to his own reply to himself, and then he starts talking about poop. Is it my imagination, or do you also have the gut feeling that Matt is about to sue IBM, Microsoft, the Surgeon General, and The United Way for allowing me to mock his theory that the universe is a giant Twizzler with one end attached to his forehead? I sense a name change coming on, too. "Matrix McIridium" has a nice ring to it. Yep, that dreaded Internet-communicable disease, archimedesplutoniosis, has destroyed the science career of another victim. Watch as Matt posts his observations on how red apples are more intelligent than green apples... and how you can tell which ants were gay in previous lives. -- K. Also Matt can't be a real scientist 'cause he doesn't spend enought time suppressing Archie's revolutionary theories. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.fan.mike-jittlov,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Packing for romance, but where? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 09:48:16 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.fan.mike-jittlov and alt.religion.kibology, Chris Franks (chris_franks@hp.superfluous.com) wrote: > > Bob Manson (manson@newsguy.com) wrote: > > > > Just exactly when did the study of Kibo start becoming attractive to > > physicists? > > It was a PhD. Professor of Physics at Florida State U. (Jim Carr) who > first mentioned a.r.k. in sci.physics. Actually, it was Ted Frank, in December 1991. (A cross-post involving a.r.k and sci.physics.) a.r.k was only about a month old then. Incidentally, here's a little gem from a.r.k, June 1992: [...] I once again failed to edit the Newsgroups: line in a followup to something horrendously miscrossposted, meaning that perhaps I shall have to eat humble pie after all. It hasn't been that bad since a grumpy note about physics cranks that I posted to sci.physics got accidentally crossposted to alt.paranormal and alt.alien.visitors. -- Matt McIrvin Unfortunately, I wasn't archiving sci.physics way back in the nineties so I can't tell you what Matt said, but I think it was probably something about Jack Sarfatti and a lead pipe and a butt. And not to mention this quote from August 1992: [...] I resisted the strong temptation to cross-post this to sci.physics to get their esteemed opinions on the anti-matter problem. I did, however, cross-post to alt.religion.kibology and directed followups to alt.politics.kibo because sci.physics will not be allowed on HappyNet[tm]. Physics, in general, will be frowned upon in the new order, unless you are using government money to perform cruel experiments involving bowling balls and shark fin soup. -- Kevin L. McBride > Heisenberg must have been thinking about Kibology when he wrote down the > uncertainty principle, or maybe not. Decartes would have been thinking about Kibology if he hadn't thought of "I think, therefore I am." > Less than 22 months until the start of the 3rd millenium! It's now almost 2000 years since the Big Bang. -- K. I submit that the scientists' idea of the Big Bang being some 15 to 20 billion years ago is wrong, 'cause, geez, look at Bob Hope! He's gotta be at least 30 billion years old. "If you post any more questions to me I will reply to you, as usual with a NON-ANSWER ." -- Alexander Abian, sci.physics, December 1992 ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Pope's First Pop CD, Video Premier Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 05:38:18 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor > VATICAN CITY (AP) -- Spreading the word worldwide with a world > beat, Vatican Radio and Sony Classical are introducing a first-ever > music CD and video featuring Pope John Paul II, praying to the > accompaniment of Celtic flutes and African drums. It sounds like rap but with an extra c in front. > The target audience: MTV and the pop charts, as well as 1 > billion faithful around the globe. > Producers will release the first 1 million copies of ``Abba Pater'' I'm so sick of that TV commercial they show all night with the four pictures of the Pope going around and around in a glowing seventies video poker machine!!! In a special universe where there are only four cards in a hand!!! > around the world on Tuesday, timing it for the Easter > holidays and the upcoming 2,000th anniversary of Christianity. Wow! Chirstianity was founded when Baby Jesus was only half a day old! > The pope got his copy, the first one produced, at his general audience > Wednesday in St. Peter's Square. Now you know what the zuchetto's for: he wears Walkman headphones under it. -- K. Next the Pope is going to say he's bigger than the Beatles! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.med,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Reese cups & Kahlua; black and red plums Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:55:59 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.med and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium wrote (again): > > I am experiencing a likening taste towards plums in the grocery > store. In my youth I never appreciated fresh plums until now. So, has > anyone else experienced an acquired older age (50) taste for fresh > plums? And I like the crisp plums, not when they are soft in anyway, Roman A Kresinski (r.a.kresinski@staffs.ac.uk) wrote: > > Did I ever tell you about those plums, you know, those lovely fresh > ones? I'm sure I told somebody - I think it was you - but I'm not sure. > Perhaps it was someone else. Anyway, there were these plums... have you > heard this before? Not boring you, am I? Dear Roman, please tell us about your favorite plums. I think the science newsgroups would love to hear about plums from a sane person for a change. Does anyone else think that someday Archie is going to change his name to "Archimedes Plumbum" so that he can be named after his favorite fruit AND a particularly dense chemical element at the same time? -- K. Or better yet, he could replace Snuggles, the fabric-softener bear, and go around squealing, "It's so soft in anyway!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.skeptic,soc.history.science,sci.bio.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: SPIDERS, FISHING, BIRDWATCHING, HOMOSEXUALS.... new movie Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999 11:27:19 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.skeptic, soc.history.science, and sci.bio.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Segment 1 > > I need a new movie with radiant colors, lush, radiant colors, almost > too dazzling for the eyes. For example, on a large screen to see the > mouth-parts, fangs and and face of a huge yellow and black spider come > down to kill and eat > > this reincarnated human as a bee. Arch, Vincent Price and David (Al) Hedison _did_that_one_already_. Why don't you try something nobody's ever done before? Like, make the world's first giant locust movie! It could have Peter Graves and Harlan Ellison. > Our modern day special effects can make it such that the spider is > extremely scary. I prefer the huge garden spiders with their colorful > yellow and black markings and glossy body. Huge fangs and mouthparts, > and overall ugly. Arch prefers ugly? Well, you know what they say about birds of a feather. > What a death, by a spider, encased and then fanged and then a slow > death, alltime watching oneself die and helpless to this monsterous > spider, and then sucked dry of body fluids. Arch, Stanley Kubrick made this movie years ago, long before the radioactive fallout from the on-set nuclear explosions killed Slim Pickens, Peter Sellers, Sterling Hayden, Terry Southern and Stanley Kubrick. > The special effects is that the bee or moth caught will juxtapose a > person for the bee or moth > > That is why so many humans possess arachnaphobia. Because in several of > their past lives they were an insect, trapped in a spider web and > having gone through that horrid experience of being killed and eaten by > a spider. So, Archie, I presume that your avocation of professional dishwasher means that in several past lives you were a cracked pot. > In their reincarnated lives as a human, their rebundled > photons/neutrinos of this past life where they were killed by a spider > is "remembered" and is reflected in this life as a human by having > arachnaphobia. Oh, sure, like Archie's going to _show_ the neutrinos on the movie screen. > This movie has 4 segments, all 4 have the recurring theme of > reincarnation and how it has shaped and moulded our present behaviour, > attitudes and character. > > Segment 2 > > Fishing, why so many love to fish is because they were fish in a > previous past life. And those who were spiders in previous lives like to bite the heads of people who were neutrino-filled bees! Oh, the horror, the horror! > Show a colorful fish swimming in crystal clear water and show someone > fishing. Juxtapose a person for the fish, and show the fisherman catch > this fish. > > It is important in this movie that each scene be remembered for its > vitality of color and its special effects. Um, Archie, you might want to look into something called "a story" as in "beginning, middle, and end" and "characters" and "action" and "dialogue" and stuff. That just _might_ make your movie a bit more interesting than just filming a guy fishing for two hours, followed by this crazy guy shouting "GET IT??? HE USED TO BE A FISH!!! THEN HE WAS NEUTRINOS!!!! NOW HE'S IN MY SUPER-AWESOME MOVIE!!!" For fixing your movie for you, you owe me a million dollars. > Segment 3 > > Like fishing, so many people enjoy birdwatching and that is because > in one of their previous past lives their were a bird. > > Show scenes of colorful bird and of a birdwatcher. Show the > juxtapositioning of a human as a bird. Show a scene in The Other Universe in which everything is reversed, in which Archie is a bird with a HUMAN brain! > Segment 4 > > Homosexuality is explained as having been the opposite sex in the > immediately previous past lives, where a person was of the opposite > sex for the past 3 in a row past lives and now in this life is of the > opposite sex but still remembering in the mind as the former lives. So > a man has the character of a women and a woman has the character of a > man. > > In this segment show some colorful scenes of homosexual behavior. Hmm, there's nothing else like the work of a director who writes his own screenplays and operates his own camera and stars in his own movie. > I need to elaborate on all of these segments. Way-ull, duh-huh! Arch, "Show some colorful scenes of homosexual behavior" is about ninety-four minutes short of the usual ninety-five minute movie. Unless you're planning your science movie to be exhibited in those little machines which Grandpa would put his penny in at the Pornographic Nickelodeon back when there were zeppelins everywhere, and people's ears bled if they travelled more than five miles an hour! I would also like to point out that those two consecutive sentences make one of the MOST IMPORTANT QUOTES EVER FROM ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM: +---------------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | In this segment show some colorful scenes of homosexual behavior. | | | | I need to elaborate on all of these segments. | | | | -- Archimedes Plutonium, 1999 | +---------------------------------------------------------------------+ Also, note that the above bumper sticker is filmed in widescreen, unlike your movie, which is filmed inside your brain. So can we buy tickets to come into your brain and see this movie swirling around? I promise not to spill my Pepsi on whatever's left of your frontal lobes. > The theme is obvious, in > that in the act of reincarnation, we remember our past lives because of > the photons/neutrinos shot into our minds, composing our minds, were > images of our past lives and instructions from our past lives directing > and guiding our behaviour in this present life. Our mind is the sum > total of these photons/neutrinos shot into our brains from the nucleus > of 231Pu. Thus, if we have arachnaphobia, is because we remember our > past being eaten by a spider. If we love to fish is because we were a > fish in one of our past lives. If we love to birdwatch is because we > were a bird in a previous life. Um, Arch, if plutonium atoms are shooting neutrinos into your brain, and they're hitting your brain, then you've just proven that your brain is considerably denser than the average rock... Neutrinos, of course, go right through normal matter, but I can't say what they would do in your case. > Now, I could have made this movie entirely on the subject of spiders. > Or I could have done the first three and deleted the homosexual. Or maybe he could have deleted you! (ENTER LIBERACE, DRESSED AS "MOMMIE DEAREST".) LIBERACE: Ha! I shall now strangle you with this WIRRRE HANNNGERRRR! Just like I did to George! George was my brother! ARCHIE: NOOOOO! NOOOO WIRRRRRE HANNNNGERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!! MICHAEL YORK'S REVOLVING DISEMBODIED HEAD: THERRRE ISSS NOOOO SANCTUARRRYYY!! DIANA MULDAUR: BRING ME THE DINK EXTRACT!!! (SHOW SOME FISH SWIMMING AROUND FOR A WHILE.) There, that was at least a million times closer to being an actual science-fiction/gay-porn/horror/science/fishing movie than yours was. You now owe me another million dollars for saving you the trouble of making your stupid movie. > But I want those four because of diversity and because it raises so many > questions, and because homosexuality will make it controversial and > draw charged emotions, whereas the animal scenes would be rather > neutral. > > Elaboration and more later... Wow! Archie is going to post MORE STUFF!!! He's NEVER done that BEFORE!!! -- K. By the way, Arch, I don't think you can get a Nobel prize just for fantasizing about making a gay porn movie about fishing. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: SPIDERS, FISHING, BIRDWATCHING, HOMOSEXUALS.... new movie Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 08:39:31 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > In sci.skeptic, soc.history.science, and sci.bio.misc, > > Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > > > > > That is why so many humans possess arachnaphobia. Because in several of > > > their past lives they were an insect, trapped in a spider web and > > > having gone through that horrid experience of being killed and eaten by > > > a spider. > > All we need to do now is find the one person out there who is afraid of > crosses, and we will have found the reincarnation of Jesus! This is why there was that famous Count Chocola cereal box showing the Count being menaced by Bela Lugosi, as Dracula, wearing a big Star Of David around his neck. Count Chocula has just proven that Bela Lugosi (as Dracula) is Jesus, which disappoints me because I was hoping that Count Choula is Jesus so that we can get better communion wafers. > I like the fact that we hate spiders because we were eaten by one in a > past life, but apparently we love fish and birds because we were fish > and/or birds in previous lives. So I guess that means that spiders are > not part of the reincarnation cycle, because apparently none of us have > ever been one? But... Lieut. Broccoli on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" evolved from one. And because there are no gay people on "Star Trek" (except for Mr. Sulu) we would have to conclude that Archimedes Plutonium is wrong and spiders that evolve into actors who used to be on "The A-Team" are heterosexual! -- K. This is where Gharlane points out that he's a leg man. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.skeptic,soc.history.science,sci.bio.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: SPIDERS, FISHING, BIRDWATCHING, HOMOSEXUALS.... new movie Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 06:09:44 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.skeptic, soc.history.science, and sci.bio.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Yes, I want the opening scenes of this movie have a psychology > professor explaining to her students what the Atom Totality theory of > superdeterminism and reincarnation is all about, so that the fantastic > colorful scenes in this movie will be explained before the viewer gets > to them. This psychology professor will be the anchor to the movie, and > as the movie progresses, we come back to the professor explaining > phobias, and then we hit the explosion of color with the huge > black-yellow garden spider coming down to kill and suck dry this bee > (special effects of humans as the bee) Archie, I strongly urge you to post a complete hundred-page script for this movie to every science newsgroup on the Internet. This could well be the most important work you've ever done. The Internet NEEDS to know about how being a spider in a previous life makes you gay, and how being gay in a previous life makes you a bee, and other important stuff. Please post a a complete, detailed shooting script for this movie so that we may all learn from it. Work on nothing else until then! -- K. Whoops, I made a little typo, I spelled "funniest" as "most important". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Teletubbies battle Wal-Mart in court Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 08:56:54 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor > NEW YORK, March 22 (UPI) -- The owners and marketers of the > ``Teletubbies'' are suing Wal-Mart in Manhattan federal court for > allegedly selling unlicensed knock-offs of the stars if the television > show for pre-schoolers. > The plaintiffs say Wal-Mart's ``Bubbly Chubbies'' dolls are obvious, > studied knock-offs that are displayed beside licensed ``Teletubbies'' > dolls in Wal-Mart stores with a much lower price tag. I would just like to announce that I am also suing Wal-Mart because their "Bubbly Chubbies" are obvious, studied knockoffs of Kibo's "Bubblebabies". > ``Teletubbies'' owner Ragdoll Productions (UK) Ltd. and marketers > ``Itsy Bitsy Entertainment'' say Wal-Mart even copied the ``Teletubbies'' > logo on the packaging of the children's dolls. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME AS OUR LOGOTYPE EXCEPT MOST OF THE LETTERS ARE DIFFERENT! BUT THEY BOTH GOT B'S IN THEM! mmm, bees. > They charge the ``Bubbly Chubbies'' look remarkably similar to the > ``Teletubby'' characters ``Tinky Winky,'' ``Laa-Laa,'' ``Po,'' and > ``Dipsy,'' except they are slightly different colors, THEY'RE EXACTLY THE SAME AS OUR TELETUBBIES ONLY WITH GAY NEW DESIGNER COLORS FOR THE NINETIES!!! NOBODY MUST EVER BE ALLOWED TO SELL ANYTHING WHICH IS THE SAME COLOR AS, OR A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT COLOR FROM, THE TELETUBBIES!!! > wear headphones over their ears, UNLIKE THE REAL TELETUBBIES WHO WEAR HEADPHONES ON THEIR FEET!!! > and lack the distinctive antennae of the original characters. HA HA WE'RE SUING YOUR FOR NOT HAVING DISTINCTIVE ANTENNAE!!! > The plaintiffs want Wal-Mart to stop selling the ``Bubbly Chubbies,'' > destroy the remaining stock, and pay damages. I get the feeling that the "nobody but us is allowed to make fat dolls in bright colors" lawsuit is going to be laughed out of court, unless of course they're still busy laughing at Archimedes Plutonium's last suit. And his lawsuit, too. Anyhow, if they destroy a huge mountain of Bubbly Chubbies I hope someone gets it on videotape. Also, I need to request an injunction that says that the Teletubbies may not destroy the Bubbly Chubbies before my Bubblebabies get done with the Bubbly Chubbies. They'll be tubbed! They'll be scrubbed! It's quite all right to eat them completely! <-- I miss the Wursthaus. Ha, I got to schnitzel from the Teletubbies, I win the free-association race! -- K. Dare I repost "Bubblebabies" for the nine billionth time? NO! Fortunately, I've only reposted it two billion times, so here it is. ////// AGAIN! AGAIN! ////// AGAIN! AGAIN! ////// AGAIN! AGAIN! ////// [I wrote this the day before "Teletubbies" premiered in the U.S., just to prove how well-versed I am even in TV shows I haven't seen.] From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Kibo presents: BUBBLEBABIES Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology, alt.tv.teletubbies Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1998 06:02:11 GMT (FADE IN on a plush green landscape, covered by a plastic dome. Colored sparkles are swirling around inside the bubble. Inside, four cuddly roly-poly creatures made out of foam rubber are dancing around spastically. These are the Bubblebabies, KAZOO, WINKY, BUH-BUH, and URP. A giant ball of fire shaped like a baby's grinning head -- the sun of this beautiful world -- rises over the horizon and winks. The Bubblebabies are rolling around on the ground, accompanied by music-box music played at half speed.) BUH-BUH Funny! Funny! (They chase each other around in circles a while.) WINKY Funny! Funny! URP Again! KAZOO Again again! (they chase each other around in circles a while.) WINKY Funny! Funny! BUH-BUH Winky! WINKY Buh-buh! BUH-BUH Again! WINKY Buh-buh! BUH-BUH Winky! (Winky and Buh-Buh hug.) KAZOO Again! URP Again again! (Winky and Buh-Buh hug. The Bubblebabies begin jumping up and down for a while. Suddenly giant periscopes, with eyeballs where the lenses should be, rise out of the nearby mountains. The Bubblebabies all gasp in horror and duck and cover. An enormous fireball explodes from the smiling baby-head sun and toasts everything. Cautiously, the Bubblebabies come out of hiding.) KAZOO Again! BUH-BUH Again again! WINKY Again again, again again! URP Again again, again again! Again again, again again! (They all duck and cover and the sun explodes again.) WINKY Funny! Funny! (A huge silver pinwheel rises out of the sun and begins spinning with an ominous wump-wump-wump sound. A continuous stream of lightning bolts begins coming out of it and going into URP's eyes. His chest shows stock footage of some babies watching Bubblebabies, for several minutes. Then the lightning bolts intensify and he screams. The camera dives into his mouth. FADE TO BLACK.) (We see a close-up of Bob Hope's face, and we hear dogs barking to the tune of "Jingle Bells". The photo of Bob Hope slowly revolves as the camera zooms in on his eyes. Suddenly, in the middle of a stanza, we SMASH-CUT to the camera zooming in and out repeatedly, very fast, on a whirling assembly of Tinkertoys while we hear the sound of a cat with a rocking chair on its tail. DISSOLVE TO URP sitting on his butt, as the pinwheel retracts into the sun.) BUH-BUH Again! KAZOO Again again again again again again again again! (URP bursts into tears and runs out of the frame. A magical lollipop tree suddenly grows into existence near WINKY. He pulls off a lollipop, takes a big bite out of it, and throws it away.) BUH-BUH Again! (WINKY pulls off another lollipop, takes a bite out of it, and thows it away.) BUH-BUH Again! (This repeats until there is only one lollipop left on the tree. WINKY pulls it off, and suddenly the lollipop turns into a big mouth that bites off WINKY's face.) KAZOO Funny! Funny! BUH-BUH Funny funny funny funny! Kazoo! KAZOO Buh-buh! BUH-BUH Kazoo! KAZOO Buh-buh! (They pull out guns and shoot each other. For several seconds, nothing happens. Then URP carefully peeks into the frame.) URP Funny...? (A squadron of white Mickey Mouse gloves slowly levitates into view above the horizon, making helicopter noises. Suddenly, with a loud sucking sound, they rush forward and cover the camera lens.) (CUT TO BLACK. In voice-over, we hear URP being strangled.) (CUT TO: CARD READING "PLEASE STAND BY". NEVER CUT AWAY FROM THIS CARD. THE END.) -- K. I'm sure when I actually see the premiere of Teletubbies tomorrow it'll be even more repetitious and less non-threatening. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Television viewing linked to children's weight: study Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:37:10 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > By the way, The Ground Round is just Howard Johnson's. And so is that > > Japanese place that I always confuse with Benihana. > > NO!!! I thought that the fact that all Bisuteki restaurants are located in > Howard Johnson's hotels was an INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE! > > THANK you VERY MUCH for destroying my childlike faith in the wonder of > magic synchronicity! This is what you get for having a lame old Harvard education just like that guy who played Harrison Ford in "Star Wars". They clouded your mind so that you would not walk down the street to the Bisuteki to ask the management to let you post their annual budget in soc.libraries.talk with all the "@"s changed to "(at)"s! SHAME ON YOU! > By the way, it's actually "Howard Johnson" now. The extra S stands for > SALT. We throw that away! And it lands in the soy sauce, right next to > the 10,000 squeeze bottles of peanut oil. EVERYTHING COOKED WITH GARLIC, SINCE GARLIC CAN PREVENT CANCER, IF DON'T WANT MUST TELL ALL RICE COME WITH FRESH ONION & BEAN SPROUTS, IF YOU DON'T WANT, MUST TELL US Our Chinese Food Quality Guaranteed #1 Chinese Restaurant in Roxbury. (The big question is, what's the best HoJo in Roxbury?) > I've seen Howard Johnson hotels that just removed the apostrophe-S from > the old sign, leaving an unsightly apostrophe-S-shaped discoloration on > the side of the building. Now that's what I call corporate identity! That's because they converted some of their old Ground Round restaurants into "'S"'s. And instead of showing old serials such as "Flash Gordon And The Phantom Menace" they just show Se–or Wences. Also they had to lose the apostrophe because they're "Blakes7" fans. Does anyone else think it's so cool that you can turn the "Blakes7" logo ninety degrees to turn it into a "Star Trek" logo? It's an amazingly clever thing to notice, isn't it? AND ON BLAKES7 THEY'RE ALWAYS EATING AT HOJO'S! WITH ALL ELEVEN KENNEDYS WHO HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, WHOSE INSIGNIA IS AN ICE CREAM CONE ON FIRE NEXT TO UNDERPANTS!!! -- K. This is the part of the article where I sing the two chords at the end of the "Blakes7" theme. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Television viewing linked to children's weight: study Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:39:46 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > Every time I tried to buy pork rinds, the cashier talked me out of it. Ha! When Orbitz were brand-new, the first time I tried to buy a bottle, the cashier told me it made him throw up all over the store, and I bought it ANYWAY, and this proves I'M SMARTER THAN YOU BECAUSE CASHIERS CAN'T TALK ME OUT OF BUYING THINGS THAT MAKE ME BARF ALL OVER THE STORE AT HOME! > I might try again, just to see if I finally succeed in buying them. Dear Stephen Wright, Nobody needs to hear the battery joke again. -- K. I bought some used jokes. They came in the form of Stephen Wright. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Television viewing linked to children's weight: study Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 10:27:45 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Teg Pipes (teg@fruitfly.berkeley.edu) wrote: > > Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > > > Gary Williams (gwms@spectra.net) wrote: > > > > > > I like pork rinds. The first time I ever had one was at a bullfight What do you think they do with all those ears the matadors cut off? > > > in Meddellin, Colombia. They came wrapped in an old newspaper. Yummy! Won't you be happy when I update my Bad Junk Food Web page (shockingly outdated) so you can read about the foot-long stingray rinds. Which, by the way, were pretty stale. > > > But then, I was only 17, so I probably moved around a lot. Now you just sit at the keyboard all day. That's what happens when you lose your sex drive on the day puberty ends, which is usually when you get a Real Job after college. This is why I refuse to get one. > > Every time I tried to buy pork rinds, the cashier talked me out of it. > > Cashier: HAY! IS THIS YOUR STUFF, OR THE WOMAN'S STUFF? > > Nick: Um, it's mine; it's in front of the divider. You shoulda said, "NO, I AM NOT BUYING THESE PORK RINDS FOR MYSELF, THEY'RE FOR MY FRIEND WHO IS MENTALLY RETARDED!!! STOP LOOKING AT MY FOOD!!!!" > Cashier: PORK RINDS, HUH? > > Nick: Yeah, um, I thought I'd give them a, um, try. > > Cashier: YA'KNOW, I ATE A WHOLE BAG OF PORK RINDS WITH MILK AND SALT ONE > NIGHT, NOT TOO LONG AGO, AND THEY BOUND ME UP SO BAD THEY HAD > TO CALL AN AMBULANCE TO CARRY ME AWAY WITH A PROTECTIVE HEFTY > BAG TAPED TO MY BUTT. Oh, like Hefty bags can stretch that wide. -- K. I'm still waiting for Ameba Rinds. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: The Source Does Not Create Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 06:17:09 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.philosophy.meta, "TM Clearlt" (tmclearlt@aol.com) wrote: > > [...] > > When Cosmic Heart and Cosmic Mind dreams, Its subliminal awareness > comes into full play. That is the method by which Source's self-conscious > awareness can access various perspectives and insights into Its untested > desires. This process is at the root of every event and causes the Clear > Light to spin. This spinning then incites the Clear Light to project > transmaterial particules of itself away from their core. These projections > interact with other existing condensations of Clear Light and begin the > process of defining and sequencing hyper-dimensional strands of > probabilities. On entering the vibratory realm of cosmic winds caused by > that very condensation of Clear Light, these strands of probabilities give > off light and sound waves. Which, if I'm not mistaken, sound something like: "KOO-KOO! KOO-KOO! KOO-KOO!" -- K. Whereas Kibology sounds like: "DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY..." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: tiny fish heads Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 00:07:37 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp In alt.folklore.urban, "Larkin" (karst@earthlink.net) wrote: > > Here's one that is not in the archives and should be. > > When I was a kid in the sixties and seventies, we would be very cautious > about > throwing the old drink can pull tabs in a river or lake, because we fished > these sites. Our caution was to avoid having small fish swim through the > pull tabs > and get stuck. As it grew, the fish would have a constricted neck and > a consequently tiny head. Of course, no one I knew ever saw one of these > monstrosities, but that did not dispel our belief in them. Despite our > catching and butchering the wet little devils, we had enough heart not to > inflict this foul fate on our prey. The solution to this problem is obvious: pass a law requiring all beer cans to have really big pull tabs. Then not only can you throw them in any lake or river, but they'll make these fish with giant heads, solving the world's food problem! You'll stop hearing people complain about being hungry when you give 'em a bucket of swollen fish heads. -- K. So how come this urban legend never cross- pollinated with the candiru legend to make guys REALLY afraid of swimming lest they get their winky caught in a pull-tab, making their winky really small? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Unfunny one-line followups, cranky old proto-kibologists and Kibo's scorefile... Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 08:44:00 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > ...are not mentioned in this post other than in the Subject line. Whatta BLOOPER! Now I'm gonna send this to Dick Clark, they guy who pays people when third parties say something stupid!!! > Instead I will mention something that happened to me today. > > I realized that my girlfriend's butt is incredibly symmetrical. So, she has a completely spherical butt, and she lives inside it? > [... long story about plaster-casting his girlfriend's butt elided...] > > Followups containing the word > 'inflatable' are obviated by > this .sig quote. "It's not inflatable, but it DOES dissolve in water." Now, you get to write the straight line for that punchline! -- K. Then mail yourself to Dick Clark. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Weird Things About Work Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 09:01:27 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > 1) Either the videotape drop box smells like my crotch or my crotch has taken > to smelling like the videotape drop box. I don't know what is scarier. So let's see. We have two alt.religion.kibology regulars who work for NASA. And you work in a porno video store where they don't make you wash your crotch. Where in this spectrum would you place me, and could you please do it without TOUCHING me? -- K. That reminds me, I have to continue not renting videos. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.cult-movies From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: What I heard about Kibo and 'Sphere' Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 23:47:38 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > I heard Kibo watched 'Sphere' then his entire house was covered in nacho > cheese. I'm sorry, but the last science fiction movie I watched starring Dustin Hoffman was "Blade Runner". Of course, this was before they redid it and replaced him with that guy who was in "Star Wars" and was imitated by Fonzie. And it still freaks me out that all the replicants in "Blade Runner" have Barbara Hershey's memories. But I love the scene where the Spinner flies past the Millenium Falcon. -- K. This meets my definition of how best to do it, providing the followup after next is "HAND". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Wing Commander: Making Cliches And Idiocy Fun! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 08:58:54 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > [...deedle deedle...] > > If the butt is stronger then the bullet, make bullets out of the > material used to make the butt. I just want to say that this is my favorite sentence from today, except for these ones with me in them. -- K. LOTS'S GOTTA RUBBER BUTT!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: A suggestion Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 23:14:54 GMT X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 1138 centons, 88 microns, .04 abians Organization: welcome datacomp Followup-To: alt.dev.null Do you think you folks could please ignore a certain lamer who seems to have wandered in from another newsgroup (for that matter, ignore all of said newsgroup, whose initials are r.a.p) instead of participating in his infantile flamewar game? By "ignore" I mean do not post volumes of junk complaining about how much you hate reading his junk. I mean do not reply to his threads. I mean do not mention him at all. I mean DROP THE F'ING SUBJECT ALREADY. -- K. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: [Sm16] 'Lady P' debuts Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 09:15:51 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor [from the wire-service news] > FRANKFURT, GERMANY, 22-MAR-1999: An unidentified model presents the > "first urinal for women" at the international fair for house and > building technology in Frankfurt, March 22 1999. The manufacturer > "Deutsche Sphinx Sanitaer GmbH" I can see it now: "There is a 'P' in the Sphinx, there is no 'P' in our sinx, please keep it that way." > hopes the urinal called, "Lady P." will bring a revolution in ladies toilets. Wouldn't that be messy? I mean, I used to have a Spin-Art and I think taking a whiz on something that revolved would be unhygenic and not fun after the first time. Especially if it was also in the wind. But then again, I ain't a girl, and if they want to do it in their own public restrooms that's fine by me. Just don't try to put a revolving ladies' urinal in my home! > About 2,200 exhibitors from 129 countries present their products from > 23 to March 27 at the fair. [Photo by Katja Lenz, AFP] > > --=-=-- > X-Attrib: width=185 height=240 > Content-Description: Photo > Content-Type: image/jpeg; name="cnt50216.jpg" > Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 > Content-Disposition: inline; filename="cnt50216.jpg" > Content-MD5: bTRyO1kHAOzExk7USlrJ3A== I will not make the obvious joke about the filename. I will not make the obvious joke about the filename. I will not make the obvious joke about the filename. Besides, it would be disrespectful to the great Allen Funt. He knew Spider-Man personally. For those of you who can't see the photo, here's a description: It's a highly-compressed JPEG which makes the whole image look like you're peering in through a bathroom window made out of little glass blocks. A woman sitting on the floor is fondling an undersized urinal. She is leaning over it as if she is about to barf out of her right ear. She looks sort of like Angelica Huston only more horsie-faced, and is wearing Classic Star Trek quantities of eye makeup. She is dressed in a hooded black rubber body condom and has Man Hands. I'm pretty sure she's a woman. I can tell because she's wearing lipstick. Ah, I just found the "large" version of the image, which doesn't have the same glass-block-peeping-tom picture quality (or lack thereof). In the large-format image, we can now see that the woman in the skin-tight hooded rubber bodysuit is about 60 years old and made entirely out of the same sort of stretch marks as Janice on "The Price Is Right". Also, the irises of her eyes are different colors, different sizes, and oriented along divergent vectors. Hey eyebrows were applied with an airbrush from about five feet away. And, just to give the picture an extra-surreal twist, she's clearly trying not to laugh. I give you my personal guarantee that this is the creepiest-looking ad I have ever seen for a female urinal. And you thought German erotica was weird -- welcome to the world of German plumbing advertisements. -- K. What was it David Spade said about who should choose the female fashion models? Oh, that's right, guys who LIKE girls. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Short Shameful Confession Of Nerditude. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 10:08:50 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I just realized the reason I couldn't put the 25th anniversary "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory" soundtrack into my CD player was that the Apple Linux disc was still in it. Also I decided not to start listening to it until I told you people that. And just for further shamefulness, I forgot to listen to it yesterday when I bought it and am only now remembering to listen to it because Joe M. Bay quoted Matt McIrvin saying "Shlurp. Shlurp. Boing!" on alt.religion.kibology. -- K. Waah! Tennessee Tuxedo got all fat after they paid him all that money to be the Linux spokesmodel! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Short Shameful Confession Of Nerditude. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 10:20:38 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor [re Kibo's Short Shameful Confession that he might be a nerd] Edward Lowther (llow@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > I forgo7 to mention that I heard the name > James "Kibo" Parry, AND the words "alt religion kibology" in a public place > lately. Wow, you ARE a nerd! I shall now stop bragging about how much of a nerd I am. I am humbled by your impressive nerdiness. I'm just a nerd in the "Happy Days" sense, not a nerd in the "Family Matters" sense. > Of course, I also heard the words: "Who?" and "What's 'kiboboly'" in that > same public place. Oh no! Now I'm gonna have the "TV Kiboloby" song running through my head all night! K ... I ... B ... O ... B-O-L-Y! K ... I ... B ... O ... B-O-L-Y! KIBOBOLYKIBOBOLY KIBOBOLYKIBOBOLY K-I-B-O-B-O-L-Y! Am I the only person in the entire world who tried to watch all six episodes of "TV Monopoly" back in the late eighties? -- K. At least I didn't try to watch 'em in the late seventies before they aired. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Yay, Legoland USA is now open! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3051 centons, 52 microns, 0.04 abians X-Face: 8"g"L\_0@_U(>UXK.Z1O&I/2Z"{u:Z$yd/};V7:nDV/M9[vY5}WEW|9~k.,.1@Dt Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 10:01:58 GMT Url-Of-Www.dot.kibo.dot.com: http://www.kibo.com Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I will pay five dollars to the first terrorist to detonate a large bomb in the geometric center of Legoland USA provided they let me keep any of the bricks that land near here. Also if Legoland USA doesn't like that idea they should just tie one end of a broken rubber band to each brick and tie all the others to the geometric center of Legoland USA, then when the bomb goes off all the bricks would come right back together. It would sound like this: KA-BOOM!!! SPROING!!! CLICK!!!! Of course, that would only work if the terrorists put the bomb at the exact center, where the rubber bands are tied. So they should put up a sign saying "PLEASE PLACE BOMBS --> HERE <--". Of course, they'd still put bombs in other parts of the park sometimes 'cause they didn't put a "NO BOMBS ALLOWED HERE" sign every ten feet like they should if they don't want to get sued by people who didn't know they weren't allowed to blow up Legoland USA! I say the Constitution should be amended to cover Legos! Vote YES on the Lego Constitution! Watch as John Hancock adds his name, made out of Duplo bricks! -- K. Also, Archie Plutonium's head looks like one of the Lego spacemen without his space helmet. Or the spaceman's.