Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Alleged 'Highlander' Stalker Nabbed Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Tue, 18 May 1999 05:35:53 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com The Associated Press reported: > > COVENTRY, Conn. (AP) -- ``Highlander, The Series'' star Adrian > Paul is breathing easier now that police have arrested an alleged > stalker accused of telephoning him dozens of times a day and > calling him ``Bunny Nose.'' So, which is more embarassing... a) Being arrested as being a stalker, b) Being arrested as being a stalker who used the phrase "Bunny Nose" thirty times a day, c) Being arrested as being a stalker who was stalking someone who couldn't order Caller ID, or d) Being arrested as being a stalker who was stalking someone who isn't even a big enough star to have been in "Highlander II: The Quickening"? WATCH OUT, NEIL CONNERY! > Cheryl Roberts, 38, was arrested Friday morning at her > Connecticut home on a federal warrant from California. > Assistant U.S. Attorney Nora Dannehy said several of the many > telephone calls Paul received were threatening, and some of them weren't even from AT&T! > including one in which Roberts allegedly said she was a stalker and > knew how to use a gun. Guns are hard! > Roberts called Paul ``Bunny Nose,'' but then said ``I will hurt > you in ways you wish to God that you didn't have to be hurt,'' > according to authorities. "I will tie you down and make you watch 'Highlander II: The Quickening'. Followed by 'Highlander II: The Quickening: The Renegade Version'. Followed by 'Highlander: The Final Dimension'. Followed by the episode of 'Highlander: The Series' that was a spin-off pilot featuring Claudia Christian with the world's funniest attempt at a Scottish accent. And then... I will make you watch the Sci-Fi Channel while they show 15,000 consecutive ads for the unexpurgated home videos of the European versions of 'Highlander: The Series'. Especially the episode where Claudia Christian thinks she's Scottish. She really isn't, you know. I could tell." > A U.S. District Court judge in Hartford ordered Roberts to > undergo a psychiatric review to determine her competence to stand > trial in California. Court is hard! > Paul released a statement saying he was glad the case was in > authorities' hands. Hey, Paul, where was your big sword? -- K. It's a shame those "Highlander" stores run by Desmond Llewellyn went out of business. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I was disappointed at the "Star Wars" premiere... Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 06:12:32 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com A few days ago, I wrote: > > So, I hopped on the train at near midnight today to see (and photograph) the > crowd of local bozos rolling up their drool-encrusted sleeping bags to get > into the theater at 12:01am to see "Star Wars: Episode Eye" DURING THE VERY > FIRST MINUTE IT'S ALLOWED BY LAW, WOO-HOO! > > [...] > Amazing! I had stumbled upon a theater that wasn't showing "Star Wars: > Episode Eye"! The three people who weren't milling around out front looked > intelligent enough for me to assume that they hadn't been camping out for > three weeks to see a movie that was NEVER COMING TO THIS THEATER. I was there again night before last (two days after the premiere) just before midnight, and -- surprise! -- they were showing "Star Wars Episode Eye" and there was a huge line, it must have had at least twenty people waiting to get into the seven theaters that were showing "Star Wars". So apparently these huge mobs DO exist outside of the made-up news on CNN, although my local theater chose to start showing "Star Wars" a day late JUST TO MAKE THE FANBOYS CRY! I'm going to have to start patronizing them. Unfortunately, the only other movie they're showing is "The Mummy". Can you imagine waiting in that line just to buy tickets to "The Mummy"? And how all the "Star Wars" fanboys would boo you when you tried to buy a ticket for A DIFFERENT MOVIE? "STAR WARS" FANS ARE MEAN! -- K. Out of the 500,000 people who went to see the movie at 12:01am, the various TV news outlets found all six of the ones who were wearing bodypaint. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Fox Might Spin Off `Ally McBeal' Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 07:02:59 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com The Associated Press reported: > > > NEW YORK (AP) -- ``Ally McBeal'' is expected to expand its > rollicking law practice into a half-hour version also airing in Fox > prime time this fall. > ``It looks like it's going to happen,'' said David E. Kelley, > creator of the original series, now finishing its second hit > season, and originator of the spinoff idea. Gosh, I hope he patented The Spinoff Idea so that nobody else can ever make a spinoff. It would be terrible if other TV shows could have spinoffs too. Imagine, they might even try making a spinoff of "Frasier". Imagine, Frasier on A DIFFERENT SHOW. It would be FREAKY!!! > Fox, which unveils its fall prime-time schedule Thursday, > declined to comment. > The new series would feature the same characters, cast and > theme: an unconventional Boston law firm as likely to break into > song in the unisex bathroom as to plead a case in a courtroom. > But, unique in TV annals, ``Ally'' Junior would consist of > unused and repeat footage shot for the hour-long series, as well as > brand-new scenes, all edited into individual half-hour stories. WOW!!! SIGN ME UP FOR A HEAPING HELPING OF THE FLOOR-SWEEPINGS SMILE TIME FILLER HALF-HOUR WHICH SEEMS LIKE TWO!!! > While the original series intermixes drama with zaniness, the > freestanding spinoff would have a distinctively comic bent, with > its stories set in the firm and after hours. No court scenes would > be included, Kelley said. > Fox is expected to leave the original ``Ally McBeal'' in its > current time slot Monday at 9 p.m. EDT, while ``Ally'' Lite may air > Tuesday at 8 p.m. EDT. If Calista Flockhart loses some weight to be "Ally Lite", the other actors will have to be careful not to touch her 'cause she'll be made of antimatter. > Kelley said he proposed the new ``Ally'' for the network lineup > a couple of weeks ago, after experimenting with re-editing ``Ally'' > episodes. > ``It occurred to me that, for syndication, they might play > better in a half-hour form,'' he said. (When buying shows to slot > before or after network prime-time fare, TV stations usually prefer > half-hours to hours.) > Kelley said he reasoned that, along with its instant familiarity > among current ``Ally'' fans and its lower cost, the new series > would boast a distinctly different style from traditional sitcoms, > which employ multi-camera photography and laugh tracks. > ``Call it what you want -- comedy, dramedy -- I think we can > demonstrate that a single-camera show can be very funny,'' Kelley > said. Yeah, it'll be the first time a one-camera sitcom has actually been entertaining, given that nobody ever watched "M*A*S*H" or the first season of "Happy Days" or that "NewsRadio" show that was on for three weeks way back in the 1950s. -- K. Incidentally, Desi Arnaz invented the three-camera sitcom format *and* the rerun, ruining television forever. P.S. "Burns & Allen" pioneered the TWO-camera format, which was the same setup we had in my high school. In fact, I think it was George Burn's old equipment. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Wet underwear problem Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Thu, 20 May 1999 05:14:45 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In sci.med, friendodevil@my-dejanews.com wrote: > > Hello, > I have been experiencing a problem for a while now. I though it might > be hemorrhoids, but it did not sound like the same symptoms. Here is my > problem: > * I sit a lot due to the fact that I am a programmer. > * I experience some gas sometimes, but I do not always let it out as I > have noticed that it gets my underwear even wetter. > * I tend to get a pretty good sized wet spot on my underwear (in the > back)regardless of whether I pass gas or not. > * Sometimes, my underwear gets wet enough that it is noticeable through > my pants and this is very embarrassing. > * I do have a hairy behind, but I have not always had this problem. I > do not remember when it started, but it has been going on for a while. > > If anyone has heard of this, has any suggestions, or maybe even knows > what is going on with me I would greatly appreciate it. > > Thanks. I thought this happened to all programmers. Especially the wet spot, the butt hair, and the constant massive gas. -- K. There's only one thing more embarassing than having a secret wet spot in your underwear that you don't tell the entire Internet about. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Wet underwear problem Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 06:13:42 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > In sci.med, friendodevil@my-dejanews.com wrote: > > > > If anyone has heard of this, has any suggestions, or maybe even knows > > what is going on with me I would greatly appreciate it. > > Blurgh. Well, at least I'm not this guy. His HMO won't even let him > see a doctor to look at his wet underwear. I think that was last week's episode of Michael Moore's show. Where Mr. Moore, the tightie-whitey-wetty guy, and a camera crew invaded the offices of various health-care providers, and they guy had a bullhorn and kept yelling, "WHY DOESN'T THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY WANT TO LOOK AT MY WET UNDERWEAR? PLEASE LOOK AT MY WET UNDERWEAR!" > I just realized, though, that there is nobody you can really ask about > how to shave your butt. And it's not something you can ask the barber > to do for you. Unless, of course, the barbershop is on the equator. And you ain't been there before. Also, you don't need to ask. -- K. Ross Perot has fond memories of that. Especially the wet underwear. Hmm, Michael Moore should try to ruin an equator-crossing ceremony. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Invasive Fishes Pose Increasing Threat Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Thu, 20 May 1999 05:19:03 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In sci.bio.misc, Rex Sanders (rsanders@usgs.gov) wrote: > > Subject: Invasive Fishes Pose Increasing Threat AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE, CANDIRUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- K. They should make candied candiru. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.food.pez,alt.fan.mike-jittlov From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: "Star Wars Eye" ruined my immortal soul forever. Waah! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 07:04:52 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Okay, so here's my true story for today about the horror that is "Star Wars Episode Eye". As you may or may not have noticed (despite a hype barrage nearly a millionth as big as George Lucas's) I have been putting up pictures of Dumb Toys on my Web site. (More slowly than I like -- I have about 200 photos in the "holding area", with only about 20 posted on the site) And you may have noted that I put up a gallery of Dumb "Star Wars" Toys the day before the "Star Wars Episode Eye" toys were released to enormous imaginary crowds of invisible, toy-crazed shoppers who only exist on CNN Headline News. So, anyway, in the past few weeks I've been smuggling my camera into places like Toys R Us -- brazenly walking right past the "NO CAMERAS ALLOWED" sign which Toys R Us feels they need to put up to violate MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO MAKE FUN OF THEIR LAME TOYS WITH WACKY PHOTO CAPTIONS -- and not checking my camera at the security desk, either. (At Toys R Us, they have "Security". At other stores, they have "Loss Control". I have never seen a Security person at Toys R Us -- when I spent two hours in their Alewife store snapping photos all over the place, I heard them screaming into the PA system for the Security guy every five minutes for some reason, but he never returned from his eternal coffee break -- but I imagine that Toys R Us Security forces have uniforms not unlike giant versions of Lego Darth Vader's outfit, only made out of leather. And instead of lightsabers they have cattle prods with the tips coated with Krazy Glue.) Today I went to the Burlington Mall (aka "Simon" -- no, I don't know why the mall is named "Simon" now) because I got a hot tip that they had bait with a "YUM -- HOG LARD!" logo on the package. (I also do photos of Things You Shouldn't Put In Your Mouth. Note that I am only required to actually taste things intended for consumption by people, not crappies.) This mall, like all large and trendy malls established during the Yuppie era, has one of those candy shores where they have big bins of 59 kinds of jelly beans (MOVIE THEATER BUTTER FLAVOR JELLY BEANS! DR PEPPER JELLY BEANS! CHEERIOS JELLY BEANS! HOG LARD JELLY BEANS!) sorted by flavor, arranged in a big rainbow, so you can mix the 59 flavors together yourself and only pay a 50% surcharge over just getting a bag of jelly beans at K-Mart and throwing out the licorice ones. Because, I mean, it's obvious that it's better to waste money than to waste food. I was buying my bimonthly bag of One Scoop Of Everything Blue (they now have gummi space shuttles in blue! Yay!) when I saw that, like every other store at the mall, they had a rack of "Star Wars Episode Eye" toys. Of course, because everyone expected there to be a huge crush to get "Star Wars" toys, every store stocked about 50,000 of them, meaning that there is a horrible, terrible glut of "Star Wars" toys on the face of the earth. Not only toy stores are chock-a-block with them, but pushcart vendors, framed lithography stores, and everyone else except the Disney store is stuffed to the gills with injection-molded "Star Wars" stuff. This candy store had the candy-filled lightsabers (because every Jedi needs a snack while he's dueling with Darth Vader) and something which I saw and (silently) told myself, "THIS HAS TO GO ON MY WEB SITE!" What was this terrifyingly creepy "Star Wars" candy-slash-toy? The "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue" lollipop. I am not making this up. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, let me explain who Jar Jar Binks is. (I haven't seen it either but I don't need to because I've been exposed to at least nine hours of TV specials about this two-hour movie so I can truthfully say I know more about this movie than the people who wasted their time seeing it when they could have been watching "E!".) Jar Jar Binks is the wacky, wacky, wacky comic sidekick in "Star Wars Episode Eye". How wacky is Jar Jar? Jar Jar is so wacky that even the "Star Wars" fanboys find him creepy. Now, George Lucas has NEVER cheesed up a "Star Wars" movie before by including an annoyingly wacky comic sidekick. There weren't any annoyingly wacky characters in the original movie. Unless you count C-3PO. And R2D2. And Chewbacca. And that mousebot that runs away from Chewbacca. And that target-practice droid that zaps Luke Skywalker in the butt. Okay, well, George Lucas jams his movies with wall-to-wall wacky critters. But Jar Jar is considerably more annoying. Jar Jar is not only silly, he's stupid. He's stupider than a Spice Girl forced to breathe pure xylene for twenty-four hours after having drunk a can of lead paint. And he talks funny. I mean he has wacky broken English (worse than Yoda's) and a grating, squeaky voice. And he has big googly eyes. And he wears flared capri slacks sort of like if Mary Tyler Moore were on "Space: 1999". And he has big floppy ears. And he's extraordinarily clumsy (even compared to that stormtrooper who hit his head on the door in the first movie.) And worst of all, he has a long and disgusting tongue which he refuses to keep anywhere near the vicinity of his mouth despite the fact that everyone else in the "Star Wars" universe is clearly disturbed by the androgynous floppy-eared alien's wet, prehensile erogenous zone. Which brings me to the "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue" lollipop. It's one of those modern rethinkings of the traditional lollipop, i.e. it's a lollipop with some plastic around it to raise the price to more than any human should have to pay for half an ounce of sugar on a stick. You know, these things are usually motorized and light up and talk and stuff. In this case, a large plastic plunger (looking exactly the same as the ones that two-part epoxy comes in) has a big head of Jar Jar Binks on the end. When you ram the plunger home, Jar Jar's mouth opens and his long red tongue protrudes. And you're supposed to lick it. YOU are supposed to lick Jar Jar's tongue. His tongue is artificial cherry flavor. So now you can see why I needed a photo of this for my Web site. Because I know that you're not going to believe my description of this candy -- WHICH REQUIRES THAT LITTLE KIDS FRENCH-KISS THE MOST ANNOYING CREATURE IN THE "STAR WARS" UNIVERSE -- without photographic evidence. Now, because all lollipops taste the same (except for those Mexican ones with all the chili pepper on the outside, which were a bit of a surprise when I discovered them last week, and I think less disgusting than Jar Jar's tongue could be) I figured I didn't need to actually review the flavor of Jar Jar's tongue ("IT TASTES RED! THE END.") therefore I didn't need to buy the stupid candy, because I have better things to waste my money on than "Star Wars" stuff. But this candy store was really small, so that the guy behind the counter could not help seeing my every move. While there's nothing really wrong with snapping photos of stupid stuff, when you do it directly in front of the store staff it can lead to awkward situations. So I will normally wait for a moment when there is nobody around, or I will pick up the consumer item in question and carry it to a secluded spot to snap it, but in this case there was no way to avoid the store clerk seeing (and hearing) me taking a photograph with my noisy digital camera. This is a special problem when you take into account that it was a "Star Wars" item, and thus might lead to being trapped in a conversation with someone who notices that I, like he, is an enormous fan of "Star Wars" and he loves loves loves Jar Jar Binks too and the lollipops taste incredibly yummy and he's seen the movie eighty-seven times and can he have my home phone number? So, to avoid a possible major embarassment at being caught photographing the wares, I decided to just buy one of the damn lollipops. After all, I was buying a bag of blue things anyway. There were no price tags on the Jar Jars (which, oddly, were not in a jar, even though most of the other candy was) but I figured one couldn't cost too much because, hey, it was a lollipop. I noticed that nobody had bought any of them yet. (Will they ever?) So, I took my candy and my Jar Jar Oral Contact On A Stick to the register. They guy looked at my Jar Jar and couldn't find a price tag. He walked over to the rack of Jar Jars and still couldn't find any price tags. He typed the barcode number into his cash register and it didn't know either. (Apparently Jar Jar doesn't actually exist as a consumer product, much like the crowds that supposedly snapped up all the "Star Wars" toys a minute past midnight.) The clerk was reduced to calling headquarters (or possibly just another shop in the chain, or possibly George Lucas) and asking what the SKU for Jar Jar was. Someone told him and he typed in 7708. I now have a receipt which says Item No 7708 STR WRS LIGHT SABER POP 1.00 @ $ 6.99 6.99 T6 ...that's right, I bought a seven-dollar lollipop. A "Star Wars" lollipop. A "Star Wars Episode Eye" lollipop. A JAR JAR FRIGGIN' BINKS lollipop. I HAVE RUINED MY KARMA FOREVER AND NO AMOUNT OF ATONEMENT COULD POSSIBLY CLEANSE MY SOUL. I managed to go all this time having never bought a single "Star Wars" licensed product (except for video games, which don't really count because "Star Wars" SHOULD be a video game) and I had to blow it all by wasting seven dollars on the Jar Jar Saliva-Swapper. Seven dollars. Golly, in my day you could see a MOVIE for seven dollars. Now all you can do is buy a plastic Jar Jar head that you have to suck on after it has been fondled by small children and "Star Wars" fans at the mall. And the worst part is, after I rang it up, the clerk started talking to me about how much he liked Jar Jar and how cool the movie was when he saw it a minute after midnight on the first day of release. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!! This has been a true story. -- K. I haven't taken the plastic wrap off Jar Jar's tongue yet... I think maybe I should eat the lollipop with the plastic wrap still on. Incidentally, his tongue is covered with little spikes. I really did like the "green mango and chili" pop from Mexico. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov,alt.food.pez From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: More about Jar-Jar Binks's semi-edible tongue Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 09:02:56 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Earlier tonight, I wrote: > > [...] > > The "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue" lollipop. > > It's one of those modern rethinkings of the traditional lollipop, i.e. > it's a lollipop with some plastic around it to raise the price to more > than any human should have to pay for half an ounce of sugar on a stick. > You know, these things are usually motorized and light up and talk and > stuff. In this case, a large plastic plunger (looking exactly the same > as the ones that two-part epoxy comes in) has a big head of Jar Jar Binks > on the end. When you ram the plunger home, Jar Jar's mouth opens and his > long red tongue protrudes. > > And you're supposed to lick it. YOU are supposed to lick Jar Jar's tongue. > His tongue is artificial cherry flavor. Okay, I'm eating it now. Ewww. I am sucking on Jar Jar's wet red tongue and his plastic lips keep brushing my nose. This is vile. Know how there are two variants of artificial cherry? There's the dark red kind (sometimes labelled "wild cherry" or "black cherry"), which is the flavor in good cough syrup (and Cherry Pez, the most perfect food known to science), and then there's the magenta kind, which is used only in really cheap chewy lollipops you get from your barber, and in bad cough syrup. Jar Jar's tongue is, technically, magenta. And it tastes magenta. It tastes like cough syrup that costs fifty cents a quart, only without the rubbing alcohol for the winos. The artifical cherry flavor has a strong "strawbana" component. And, being a cheap lollipop, it is a little chewy -- I can bite off pieces of it without it breaking. And yes, those little bumps all over Jar Jar's tongue in the movie have been faithfully replicated in the form of sharp little warts about the size of chopped peanuts on your sundae. The damn thing keeps slamming shut and biting me in the nose. I wish it would hurt me so I could sue. It's made by Cap Candy, the people who brought you the motorized Pez dispenser with no cartoon character on it, and other atrocities. Cap Candy, aka Cap Toys, is a division of OddzOn, which is a subsidiary of Hasbro, the people who make all the "Star Wars" toys that aren't Legos and therefore suck. Except that "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue" is the one that makes YOU suck. While it bites you. Jar Jar's body is made in China but his tongue is made in Mexico. I'd almost rather have any other kind of Mexican candy (I said "almost" because it might be a packet of fermented tamarinds with the seeds left in.) Because this candy is intended for the terminally stupid, it has instructions with diagrams of the two steps (1. hands holding Jar Jar with his mouth closed, 2. hands holding Jar Jar with his mouth open) captioned "Push plunger forward to eject candy tongue." Oh, would that it could actually be ejected. And, amazingly, next to those instructions are slightly larger letters which say "MONSTER MOUTH IS EASY TO USE!" "Mommy, mommy, buy me the Jar Jar candy." "Well, it's all sugar, and it's really stupid, and it's seven dollars for this lollipop, but all that's okay. I'd buy it for you except for one thing... you're too dumb to operate it." "Waah! But look, mommy, it says it's easy to use!" "Oh, all right." And speaking of it being all sugar, it weighs 19 grams (the edible part, not the huge plastic part you can play with if you like having a plunger connected to a Jar Jar head with no tongue any more) and the nutritional information says its carbohydrate content is 19 grams, and the amount of that which is sugar is -- surprise! -- 18 grams. THE OTHER GRAM MUST BE THE POISONOUS RED DYE! Which must be a carbohydrate. Like sugar. But different. It says it's patented. Digging up the patent yielded this claim: -> What is claimed: -> ÊÊÊÊ1. A holder and enclosure for an elongated object which comprises a -> cylindrical main housing having a smooth inner surface along a length -> thereof, a secondary cylindrical housing having smooth inner and outer -> surfaces along a length thereof, said secondary housing having one end -> that fits into a bottom end of said main housing and said one end supports -> said elongated object, a split cap secured to and enclosing an upper end -> of said main housing, said split cap being biased in a closing direction -> by a biasing spring means, and said main housing having a stop cap (12) on -> a bottom end thereof and said secondary housing having an end cap (40) on -> a bottom end thereof. COMMANDER RIKER, FIRE THE BIASING SPRING! PREPARE TO SEPARATE THE SECONDARY HOUSING FROM THE ELONGATED OBJECT! (theme music begins playing for the fifth time so far during the pilot episode, while Mr. Data jumps to his feet and rattles off a list of types of candy until you want to punch him almost as much as you want to punch Jar Jar Binks.) Looking at my receipt from the overpriced candy store, I see that I bought 1.33 pounds of bulk candy (all the blue stuff) for $10.05, because their bulk candy is $7.56 per pound. The other item on the receipt is Jar Jar, at $6.99 for 19 grams. 19 grams is .04 pound, hence Jar Jar costs ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN DOLLARS PER POUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So the next time some person who is a big fan of trivia but has only ever learned five trivia items tells you "Hey, did you know that saffron is the most expensive foodstuff per pound?" you should shove Jar Jar's tongue into his mouth and laugh at his lack of knowledge of stupid candy. You're better than he is because I've warned you about Jar Jar. How the hell am I supposed to eat the part at the back of his throat? Can I stop now? Please? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov,alt.food.pez From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: More about Jar-Jar Binks's semi-edible tongue Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 10:11:49 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Earlier today, I posted a detailed analysis of the cultural context of the "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue" seven-dollar lollipop. In a subsequent post, I announced I was trying to eat the thing, and it was giving me gas. Well, I've stopped eating it, because: +---------------------------------------------+ | | | JAR JAR BINKS GAVE ME MASSIVE DIARRHEA!!! | | | +---------------------------------------------+ So, there you have it. I paid seven dollars to get "Star Wars" diarrhea. (I swear I would not lie about having diarrhea. I figure this is God's way of punishing me for ruining my "never bought a Star Wars toy" record.) Michelle Horvath (ilovepez@home.com) wrote: > > Dude, > Call your doctor, you need to get your ritalin perscription re-filled. Okay... I... promise... to... type... more... slowly... in... order... to... appear... normal... to... everyone. By the way, does anyone else find it odd that Ritalin's name was ripped off from "Star Trek" (it was the made-up wonder drug in the episode "Requiem For Methuselah") and yet the drug companies ignored all the other wonderfully wacky nonsense words used on "Star Trek" and "Star Wars"? I mean, they could have all these great names like "Wookie" free for the asking instead of paying NameLab big bucks to make up meaningless non-threatening drug names like "Viagra", "Propecia", "Aleve", and "Pez". -- K. If only Jar Jar Binks could give EVERYONE who sees the movie massive diarrhea, all the world's problems would be solved. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Cutey-dutey puppy pictures Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 08:26:25 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > Creativity is possible even under severe constraints and limitations. I > once saw someone draw a perfect ASCII picture, monospaced font, of a > toilet bowl [side view]... That's not creative. Unless the toilet WORKED. Did you sit on it? If not, you should. Creative would be a working ASCII toilet. Creative would be an ASCII toilet that looks like a toilet when you use a monospaced font, and looks like the entire screenplay of "Citizen Kane" when you use a proportional font. Creative would be a toilet that's not shaped like a toilet. Creative would be a toilet that's not shaped like anything. Creative would be an invisible toilet in a mystery location. Creative would be a toilet that's smart enough to keep you from doing your business on it. Creative would be a toilet built into every sheet of toilet paper. Creative would be a toilet so advanced that it would go to wherever someone needed it, and so speedy that the world would only need one. Creative would be a toilet where you can choose where the poop goes when it leaves. With a TV screen in it where you could just tap the image of any celebrity you didn't like. Creative would be a toilet that gives me lots of money whenever you use it. -- K. Creative would be giving me lots of money and skipping the stupid toilet humor. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Cutey-dutey puppy pictures Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 08:54:39 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com (re Darla's mis-unitized ASCII kitties) Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > "Darla" (darla4695@sprynet.com) wrote: > > > > My pets look fine to me, as does my font. And I *hate* those stupid > > proportional fixed whatever fonts. I hated them when The Beautiful Miss > > Ellen Holmes made me use one, and I hate them NOW. > > That's because nobody cares enough to give computer users any good-looking > monospaced fonts. Most of them get stuck with maybe dumb old Courier (any > of several ugly, super-wide versions) and maybe dumb old Monaco if they > use Macs. Monaco is fine at small pixel sizes on video screens, but you > don't want to look at it for too long in any other context. Monaco's great weakness is that its "a" looks like an "o". And in the original version "1" and "l" and "I" are too similar. The original Monaco was designed (as were all the original Mac bitmap fonts) by Susan Kare around 1983. Monaco came in 9- and 12-pixel-tall versions, both of which were, oddly, the same width. (Meaning that the length of lines would change as you scaled the font, because, for instance, an 18-point line would be blown up from the 9-point font, but a 19-point font would be blown up from the 12-point font, which was relatively narrower per em.) When System 7.0 was introduced (1991, if memory serves) they went to scalable TrueType versions of the fonts, mainly designed by Chuck Bigelow, and Monaco got a facelift (and a new "l" that was clearly not a "1".) However, it still has that "a". The Eudora E-mail program (at least the Mac version) comes with a suite of bitmap fonts named "Mishawaka", which are just Monaco with a roman-style "a". The WebTV, incidentally, contains only one proportional font (Helvetica, in regular, bold, and extra-bold versions) and one monospaced font -- the monospaced font is Mac TrueType Monaco, but with the Helvetica "a" pasted in instead of the Monaco one. Apparently someone at WebTV agrees with me about that "a". Anyway, Courier is a terrible font for on-screen use at small sizes just because it's got enormous serifs (and, as Matt points out, it's rather wide -- and short -- for its measure.) I prefer things that look like Letter Gothic (especially the Bitstream version, which is a very sensitive interpretation, and has a real italic, unlike Adobe's wimpy stick version.) Letter Gothic is taller than Courier, narrower, less spindly (at least in good versions -- all Adobe's typewriter fonts are spindly) and it doesn't have those big serifs clogging up the bottom of letters like "m". I've been using a modification of Bitstream's Letter Gothic (with some minor edits I made to make the PostScript hinting a little more effective) in the alt.religion.kibology PDF anthologies. Mostly, though, for my own on-screen use I use a suite of fonts I've designed that render really cleanly with either the PostScript (ATM) or TrueType renderers with anti-aliasing enabled. I have matching monospaced, condensed monospaced, and proportional versions tuned for 12 and 14 pixels tall, and they all have a nice "a". (The "S" needs work.) Most importantly, they have oldstyle digits, so when I type 0123456789 the numbers bounce up and down happily and they look nicer (and less cluttered!) when displayed in columns. (I can tell the zero from the capital and lowercase O because the zero is a little bigger than the lowercase, but smaller than the uppercase.) Oh, and the lowercase ascenders are all a little taller than the capitals, as in Futura, Aldus, etc., to keep the capitals from looking too bit. (No, you can't buy these fonts yet, they're not finished, and I'm not even sure there's a market for fonts sepcifically designed to be used only on-screen. Tuning something specifically for screen use tends to make it look a little odd when printed at 2540 dpi.) Anyway, for on-screen fonts other than Courier or Monaco, seek out cheap Bitstream CDs -- they have a lot of typewriter fonts, including monospaced versions of Helvetica and Century, and typewriter classics such as "Pica" and "Script 12 pitch". (Alas, nobody sells a digital version of the monospaced blackletter that was popular for church newsletters done on IBM Selectrics.) You can also try Andale Mono (aka "Monotype.Com"), a very well-hinted TrueType font in that set of fonts that comes free with Microsoft Internet Explorer. I'm not wild about the way Andale Mono looks, but I think they got the proportions right and the hinting makes it render very cleanly. (The lowercase seems a little loose to me, and the "g" is slightly awkward.) Or just read Usenet with a proportional font. All you'll lose is the ability to see what ASCII kitties are meant to look like, and hey, it's just ASCII art. Sometimes you can't tell when it's been mangled. Just whatever you do, don't set your printer to use Courier (a pica font) with "elite" spacing (pica = 10 characters per inch, elide = 12 characters per inch.) Electric typewriters often had a switch to do this, and if you didn't actually take out the Courier ball and put in a Letter Gothic (or other elite) ball, you'd get "Courier trainwreck", where it was still sort of vaguely readable, but all the serifs locked together like a bunch of circus elephants who had their trunks dipped in Krazy Glue. > This is why Kibo needs to be President. He'd fix it. I would add an amendment to the Constitution which would give me the power to use my Helvetica Bomb, which would destroy Helvetica forever, leaving other fonts standing. Fake Helveticas such as Compugraphic Megaron, Compugraphic Triumvirate, and Compugraphic Helios (wow, CG loved Helvetica) would also be vaporized by the Helvetica Bomb. Helvetica Rounded would be reduced to a bunch of disconnected round spots. Arial, Monotype's "space-alike" for Helvetica (it looks different, but it has the same character widths) would survive, except its spacing would be destroyed. > (Actually, I think it's the Unix version of Netscape that comes with > several rather nice monospaced screen fonts originally designed for > various old-timey terminals. But they're nice only in a computery sort of > way. My favorite is called, I think, "Clear" and its originator is > identified as "Schumacher." They've also got ye olde VT100 font.) I think everything should be done in Futura Black, except every once in a while a line of Braggadocio should be slipped in whenever someone mentions Rudi Gernreich or Boston Police Area D. And Au Bon Pain would be forced to change their sign to something light and curly, or else retool their business to sell nothing but split peas that have been dyed black. -- K. I cried when they changed the opening expository crawl from News Gothic to Helvetica between "Star Wars" movies. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Short Shameful Confession. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 09:08:11 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com I assume I'm not the only one who, for several years, thought that the "Happy Days" theme song's lyrics were not "goodbye gray sky, hello blue" but "goodbye grace guy". I know I'm not the only one who thought that the stylized Postal Service eagle (used until the early 1990s) was a picture of a postal employee's head, in profile, with a really big and deformed hat. -- K. Next you're going to tell me that it's okay to eat pea leaves and not just the pods. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Short Shameful Confession. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 03:46:43 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Des Courtney (deslee@bright.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I know I'm not the only one who thought that the stylized Postal Service > > eagle (used until the early 1990s) was a picture of a postal employee's > > head, in profile, with a really big and deformed hat. > > *blushes* (meekly) You're not... > > GET OUT OF MY HEAD! YOU GOT YOUR HEAD IN MY PEANUT BUTTER! WHILE SITTIN' ON A RITZ! AND PROPOSING A TOASTEDS! WITH BRIM! IN BED! ON YER BIKE! THE CLOWN! BURMA SHAVE! 2000! (this is followed by a fart noise so loud that it destroys the entire Universe, and it's impossible to top that so I win. Plus I no longer feel so bloated.) -- K. This type of behaviour will not be tolerated in the seaQuest community. EXCEPT FROM AN ANNOYING DOLPHIN!!! Sincerely, Your Pal, Kibo, the Internet's talking dolphin. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable,alt.silly-group.beable From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Yet Another Star Wars Post Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 09:28:04 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Beable "van" Polasm (beable@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > Yet another Star Wars post Wow. That makes at least two of them here on the Internet. I hope CNN doesn't hear about the movie!!!! > I saw a guy on tv who was getting his face painted > up to look like Darth Maul. And then he put on girlie lipstick and false eyelashes and a wig over it! > Then he showed his tattoos of Darth Maul, Yoda, Luke Skywalker, > Darth Vader etc. Then he said "I just KNOW I'm gonna LOVE the movie!". > So he HASN'T EVEN SEEN the movie, but he has got himself all painted > up to look like Darth Maul, and has got tattoos of Darth Maul. I just want to know if getting a tattoo that said "STAR WARS SUCKS" with a picture of Darth Maul saying "I SUCK" would force me to love the movie before seeing it, or hate it before seeing it. I'M NOT SNOB, I'M ONLY PLANNING TO HATE THE MOVIE *AFTER* I SEE IT. > YEAH AND I HAVE TO GO NOW TO GET MY "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 1999: THE MOVIE" > TATTOO!!1 ON MY FOREHEAD!!1! IN BED!11!! WITH SMOKE COMING OUT!!1!11! Hey, you look like an MBTA escalator. > Yesterday I saw another guy, who was saying that > he HAD to go and see the movie on the first day, > because otherwise EVERYBODY in the office would > be talking about it, and they would SPOIL it!!1 > Yeah I get it. The FIRST time you see the movie, > it's the BEST MOVIE EVER IN THE WORLD, but once > you've seen it, or heard ANYTHING about it, it > turns to TOTAL CRAP!!! I can sort of vaguely understand the fanboys who go to see the movie n times (where n < 10) but not if all of the n are within one day. I mean, no matter how great it is, wouldn't any SANE person get bored watching the same two-hour movie TWICE IN FOUR HOURS? "I paid to get my face painted up for today, so I'm gonna make sure I got my money's worth!" > Oh yeah, and that guy who was SO WORRIED > that his cow-orkers would spoil the movie, > he had a YODA BACKPACK which had a big > puke-green Yoda looking over his shoulder. > That made me think of doing this, which I > will do when I eventually get to see the > movie: > > As soon as Yoda comes on the screen, yell > out "ET PHONE HOME!!!1!". Please somebody > do this and tell me what happens. As long as it's not the same theater where I'm there with my Starler and Waldorf puppets shouting "THE BEAR'S NOT FUNNY!" Also, you should hire Frank Welker to hide under your seat and do the voice. Or at least just hire him to hide under your seat to keep him out of the voiceover business for two hours. I'm getting a little sick of his annoying squeaky dolphin impressions. So, how much did they pay him to do Jar Jar Binks's voice? -- K. This Jar Jar Binks lollipop is giving me bad gas. ESPECIALLY bad gas for a LOLLIPOP. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Yet Another Star Wars Post Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 04:23:11 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com iykwim@my-dejanews.com, who forgot to fill in a Real Name, wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > This Jar Jar Binks lollipop is > > giving me bad gas. ESPECIALLY > > bad gas for a LOLLIPOP. > > I want to see the doll that the nice therapist used to teach you the > difference between good gas and bad gas. All gas is bad. Because gases are always invisible, and therefore evil. CURSE YOU, HYDROGEN! CURSE YOU, HELIUM! CURSE YOU, URANIUM HEXAFLUORIDE! > On second thought, there's nothing I want to see less. > > Except for the Jar Jar Binks lollipop. I am still suffering horrible aftereffects and may require hospitalization. -- K. And I never even finished the friggin' lollipop. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable,alt.silly-group.beable From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Yet Another Star Wars Post Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 04:20:34 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Beable "van" Polasm (beable@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Beable "van" Polasm (beable@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > > > > > I saw a guy on tv who was getting his face painted > > > up to look like Darth Maul. > > > > "I paid to get my face painted up for today, so I'm gonna make sure > > I got my money's worth!" > > That REMINDS me! The d00d aforesaid who dressed up like > Darth Maul, when he arrived there was another d00d there > ALSO dressed up like Darth Maul! Instead of clawing each > others' eyes out and leaving in a huff, they SHOOK HANDS > and became BEST FRIENDS! And then half a dozen Darth Vaders > turned up. Now this REALLY SCARES ME! How do I know that > one of them is not the REAL DARTH VADER SNEAKING ON TO > EARTH IN ORDER TO TAKE OVER????//? The REAL Darth Vader > I mean, not the FAKE one in the movies! You mean the one who doesn't need to wear a mask because his head is all angular and the same glossy hue as a new VCR? I mean, the "Battlestar Galactica" fans argue over whether the Cylons were REALLY robots. I say we should be arguing over whether or not Darth Vader was wearing a mask. And pants. -- K. Ever notice that, on the Darth poster that was everywhere in 1978, he didn't have a pants fly, just a tiny sliding door? I mean, getting your winky caught in a zipper is painful enough, but a sliding "Star Trek" door... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Yet Another Star Wars Post Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 09:47:47 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com "Dr. Aaron I. Allensworth, Yh.B.T." (doctoraaron@mindless.com) wrote: > > My favourite was some guy on our local news who said, "...if I don't like it > the first time, I'm just gonna keep seeing it again until I *do* like > it!!!1!" Hey, this would make a great controlled experiment -- you go get that guy and I'll rent the tape of "The Postman". -- K. Today at the mall the Muzak was playing a techno-rave dance mix of the song from "Titanic". It made me want to pluck my eyes out so I could stuff them into my ears. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Something I learned from Phantom Menace Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 09:32:30 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Leah Verre (fleabite@seanet.com) wrote: > > Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > > > Leah Verre (fleabite@seanet.com) wrote: > > > > > > Obi Wan Kenobi is HOT. > > > > > > Yes, I know ... I know .... > > > > > > BUT IT'S JUST SO PAINFUL!!!! > > > > He could do without that short-hair-with-one-thin-braid thing, though. > > Yeah, and you could do without the foot fungus and dingleberries, Joseph. How did you find out about the foot fungus? I mean, you can see the dingleberries in his hair, but did you test it for foot fungus? -- K. Also, am I the ONLY person talking about "Star Wars" right now who knows what The Orion OB1 Association actually is in real life? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Something I learned from Phantom Menace Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 04:43:25 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > > > Even on Tatooine, they have orthodontists who are sufficiently inexpensive > > that slave children, such as the little girl who mocks Anakin's pod racer, > > can wear braces. > > They have FTL travel, I think Jim and Tammy Bakker should found the FTL Club, where they receive your money before you send it in. > and slave children can make their own gay robots. And they have no trouble making the 99% of the robot that includes ultramicroscopic integrated circuitry and nanotechnological machinery and a gay voice synthesizer but they can't invent THE INERT SHELL that keeps all their wires from dangling out all over the place. Also they bother programming naked robots to constantly agonize over the fact that they're naked. > They have laser swords so powerful that their beams can't pass through > each other. Heck, they can't even *touch*, as you will notice in the first movie. Darth and Obi-Wan very carefully pretend they're tapping their Scotchlite sticks together without any actual physical contact because the little AA batteries in the handle aren't powerful enough to make them keep rotating while they're touching another stick, and that would spoil the carefully- crafted illusion that these are REAL laser swords and not just dowel rods with sparkly glitter stuff. Also note that Obi-Wan has to point his lightsaber directly into the camera lens and slowly turn it to the side whenever he wants to turn it on, while earlier in the movie Luke shows how clever he is by holding his lightsaber offscreen when he turns it off so that Ben Burtt just has to go "SSSSUUUCCCKKK!!!" to make it retract while in limbo. > Doesn't it follow that they would also have orthodontic technology > far better than we could hope to comprehend? Then why did Emperor Palpatine have those crooked yellow teeth? Why does C-3PO lisp? And why is the guy inside R2D2 so short, don't they have Human Growth Hormone? Why does the Death Star need a satellite dish so big, don't they have DSS? Why do the stormtroopers wear that vacuformed plastic armor given that it obviously doesn't stop a pistol shot? Since the Death Stars gravity clearly comes from that big ball of energy in the middle -- because we see the "north" reactor tower fall down into it at the end of the third movie -- does this mean that if Luke tried to jump across a gap in the SOUTH half of the Death Star, he'd fall upwards? What the hell does the mining city in the clouds mine given that it's not touching the ground? If the Force gives people power over weak minds, why is Jar Jar Binks still running around? Why did Jabba get smaller between the third movie and the re-release of the first movie? Was he just bigger in the later adventure because he doesn't have an anus? > I thought you would have complained about the scene near the end > where Jar Jar's stunt double is wearing a digital watch. No, it was the analog watches in the other scenes that bothered me. I mean, this is supposed to be SCIENCE FICTION, people! And why were there all those twentieth-century fire extinguishers all over the bridge of the Enterprise in Star Trek II and VI but not I, III, IV, V, VII, VIII, and IX? Why can they land a man on the Andromeda Galaxy but they can't make a better toupee for Captain Kirk? -- K. And hey, what's with the food on the Death Star? Ever noticed how droids drive? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What I learned from 'Escape From New York' Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 09:37:42 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > What I learned from 'Escape From New York'. > > 1) The smart people can't read the maps they have made. > 2) Mines blow cars in half. > 3) Ernest Borgnine is cool. > 4) It's okay to screw with world peace if the President is a cold-hearted > bastard. > 5) But the President is a good shot! > 6) If you have the expository diaglogue in front of the computer equipment > monitoring the mission you save a lot of money. > 7) Air Force One has a bouncy fun ball. You forgot 5a) And he's British! and 8) In the future, you'll be able to see through the hole in your eyepatch! 9) In the future, computer graphics will employ wireframes with hidden- surface removal computer with a clever algorithm using REAL wire frames with black cardboard hiding the hidden surfaces! 10) In the future of the future, in the sequel, even Snake Plisskin will be so afraid of Disney that he won't be able to say the word "Disneyland"! -- K. So who voted for the short fat bald obnoxious evil British guy for President, anyway? Any why the hell didn't they let Donald Pleasence be in some better movies? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.blakes-7 From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What I learned from 'Escape From New York' Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 05:18:58 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology David J. Crowe (crowe@radiks.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > > > > > What I learned from 'Escape From New York'. > > > > 8) In the future, you'll be able to see through the hole in your eyepatch! > > I don't see what this reference to Blake's 7 has to do with this thread. > But then again, I don't see what Blake's 7 has to do with anything. I always liked how Space Commander Travis -- both the big guy with the bad hygeine and the sissy little guy who replaced him -- had that eyepatch where the actor, between scenes, had clearly poked a hole in it all by himself with a pencil. While not wearing it. By poking it from the back side. So that the edges of the hole stuck out forwards about an eighth of an inch. "Roger Douglas Lite 98% fact free" (rdouglas@zipworld.com.au) wrote: > > Blake's 7 is important social commentary. Blake's 7 proves that the shorter > your hair, the more evil you are. But Servalan's hair got a smidge shorter every single week until, at the end, she was balder than Yul Brynner after an equator-crossing ceremony where they shaved him, made him drink a bottle of witch hazel, and a beer keg of Nair. > Also the heroic space rebels of the future will wear flared pants and > Hush-Puppy boots. "Battlestar Galactica" was more realistic because all the props and costumes were things you could buy at K-Mart, like, the humans wore BMX boots, while the Cylons wore hockey gloves and rubber galoshes. Hey, wait a minute -- I WEAR THE SAME BOOTS AS A CYLON! I guess that makes me "cool". Getting back to "Blakes7", here are the ONLY things I liked about it: 1.) The episode where Avon uses the little toy car to slowly push the paperweight into the airlock despite the fact that the paperweight allegedly weighs ten tons. 2.) The episode ending with The Food Fight Of The Lettuce People. 3.) The one where the still picture of Space Commander Travis fell into the bottomless pit. 4.) The one where they visited the planet which was a NASA map of both hemispheres of Mars and was thus 3.14 times wider than it was tall. (Steve Austin once went there, too!) 5.) The episode where Arco was trapped in the room which slowly filled with shaving cream. 6.) The one where they got trapped on a limbo set with the swishy guy with the purple sequined top hat. 7.) The one with the bald guys with silver bodypaint who kept shouting "THE CORE IS UNSTABLE!" while loud belching noises came out of the tiny giant rubber brain at the end of the London sewer tunnels. 8.) The fifteen episodes where they went to The Abandoned Battersea Power Station Basement In Outer Space. 9.) The episode with Zil, the Space Flea who looked like a plucked chicken. And then these teeth came out of the ground and she jumped in. 10.) The episode where the Scorpio crashed, but only after the control desk slid around the cockpit while Tarrant was sitting at it. 11.) Anything involving SLAVE, the only computer who could dry a head of lettuce AND drain some spaghetti at the same time. 12.) The episode with the line, "I invented this death... I call it IMIPAC." 13.) The sideways United Federation of Planets logo which is the insignia of the Evil Galactica Federation. 14.) The magic Flexitron that could teleport you, but only if Cally said, "Blake, I'm beaming you up... (long pause)... NOW!" and then pulled the lever about four seconds after yelling "NOW!" 15.) The room on the Liberator filled with piles of jewels for no reason. 16.) The Liberator sidearms that looked a lot like soldering irons and not even the kind of soldering irons that look like guns. 17.) Any scene involving the evil Federation soldiers who wore the gas masks that never touched their face at any point, to avoid danger of suffocation. 18.) The chord at the end of the theme music. 19.) The other chord at the end of the theme music. 20.) The "Doctor Who" episode "Frontios", where they wore leftover "Blakes7" helmets. 21.) The "Monty Python's Flying Circus" episode with Mr. Neutron, who wore a leftover "Doctor Who" hair helmet. 22.) The fact that the show's title, "Blake's 7", was officially misspelled "Blakes7" on-screen. 23.) The fact that there never, ever were seven of them at any time. 24.) The evil Federation's secret process that turns gold black. 25.) Bob Hope's non-involvement. 26.) The two-dimensional BLACK AND WHITE photograph of the tiny model of the Liberator that could fly towards the camera, unlike the real model. 27.) The faint glowing circle or rectangle around the Scorpio at all times. 28.) The first Travis's costume's padded butt. 29.) The episode where fine, ALMOST-invisible wires slowly dragged paperweights across the alien sandpit. I'm told they were supposed to be superintelligent plants. 30.) The twenty other episodes filmed in that sandpit. 31.) The way whenever the Liberator went too fast, the intense gravity made jets of air make their cheeks go flub-flub-flub. 32.) The visionary idea that, in the future, men would wear green pantyhose instead of trousers. 33.) The episode where they spend countless hours watching 500,000 frames of video one at a time to see which frame has the Space Rat in it. 34.) The episode where the huge fleet of common household objects glued together is going to invade from the Andromeda galaxy unless our heroes can discover that the scientists have all had their skins stolen so that the aliens can infiltrate, and they can't figure it out because in some scenes the discarded human skins look like limp rubber skins and in other scenes the same skins look like human beings with white contact lenses. 35.) The fact that the galaxy's most awesome computer, ORAC, was just an aquarium with Capsela parts inside. 36.) The chairs on the Liberator with giant mini-marshmallows for lumbar support. 37.) The episodes where the futurism consisted of the idea that in the future guns would be miniaturized, but they'd still be shaped like guns, just a quarter as large, so you'd have to hold them very carefully. 38.) Space Comander Travis's gun that was built into the back of his hand and looked like an asterisk. And he kept forgetting he had a gun. 39.) And of the 97 episodes where Servalan and Travis just happened to bump into Blake and could have killed him but forgot to. 40.) The final episode, because it made the fans cry. -- K. 41.) "Avon: A Terrible Aspect" by Paul Darrow. 42.) The "Doctor Who" episode where H. G. Wells gets the idea for "The Time Machine" when he sees Avon age to death. 43.) The fact that "Blakes7" made "Space: 1999" seem brainy. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What I learned from 'Escape From New York' Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 12:03:40 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com "Roger Douglas Lite 98% fact free" (rdouglas@zipworld.com.au) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [learned exposition of Blakes7 which again proves beyond all doubt that > > Kibo actually has a team of two or three hundred full time researchers > > providing the material for his posts] Hey, TV only takes one person to watch it, even if it's a really brainy show like "Blakes7". > My favourite is still the very early episode (about #2 or #3) where they > take off in the prison ship and you can see the wires and a stream of sparks > comes out of the back of the ship, just like in the old Flash Gordon movies. If memory serves, that's #2, the one where the room slowly filled with shaving cream while stupid Arco just sat there for about ten minutes, and it's before they went to the more sophisticated video effects where the camera simply zoomed in or out on a spaceship which was insulated from the background by a thick layer of Shimmery Chromakey. Usually that mustard-colored kind the BBC liked that was REALLY obvious, even compared to the blue kind. It's still nothing compared to the flying Turk in "Mission: Stardust" (the "Perry Rhodan" movie) who is hanging from a large, obvious string with a shimmery matte fringe around the string. For the "money shots" of the Liberator, the "Blakes7" people took a photo of their model, blew up some black and white enlargements at various zooms, and stuck 'em on their animation stand to make a black-and-white spaceship that could zoom (literally) towards the camera with no perspective whatsoever. It's amazing that they thought nobody would notice A BLACK AND WHITE STILL PICTURE flying around, but at least that way they didn't need a string. I just want to know why, after they flew the ship through the naturally- occuring cloud of digestive enzymes in deep space, and the ship started slowly dissolving, why didn't they just think of finding a big cloud of antacid vapor? "SET COURSE FOR THE GALAXY OF TUMS!" > Also I especially liked the idea that a prisoner was viciously and > ruthlessly punished for insubordination by being MADE TO STAY IN HIS SEAT. > This idea has been adopted by all present-day airlines, of course. I liked the way the prison ship looked like something YOU could make from a milk carton! It was a nice rectangular box with some thrusters and wings glued on. Looked like a kid designed it. It really should have had a pair of dashed lines coming out the front labeled "POW POW POW" as they went towards the head of your gym teacher who was buried up to his neck in fire ants with a Nazi tank about to run him over and he'd be crying and saying "I'M SORRY I GAVE YOU A WEDGIE!" and you'd be standing behind him laughing and flexing the giant biceps your stick figure has, and floating through the sky would be a stick figure with giant breasts that look like doughnuts. Then they'd take you to the nurse to get your special naptime candy. -- K. POW POW POW ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Quote of the week! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 10:21:09 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In alt.tv.seaquest, "KK" (kotwicki@picknowl.com.au) wrote: > > Hi, > > Well, you may know me, I'm Krzys, the seaFire ASV guy > (www.k26.com/seafire/). This is a post to warn you all about a certain > individual called Joshua Kent who is going around and stealing images, > HTML and content from various seaQuest sites and posting them on his, > without permission and without crediting them. > > [...] > > This type of behaviour will not be tolerated in the seaQuest community. I think I've found my 2000 Presidential campaign platform. VOTE FOR KIBO! BECAUSE THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED IN THE SEAqUEST COMMUNITY! -- K. I wonder if I ever took my sense of humor out of rec.org.mensa. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 10:34:37 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com "The Avocado Avenger" (stacia@io.com) wrote: > > Theresa Willis (twillis@sound.net) writes: > > > > So I go to visit my mom and she's showing me the flowers she's been > > planting, including A WHOLE BUNCH OF BLEEDING HEARTS!!!!!!!!!11!! > > > > YOU BASTARDS!!!! LEAVE MY MOM ALONE!!!!! > > Well, for mom's day, mom got lots of plants. A cactus from my dad > (really, it was from me, but dad made me go buy it), a "Splash!" from my > own adorable self, and then we drove out into the middle of freakin' > nowhere to buy her some wildflowers in an old wooden box for $30. But at > the flower shop, they had approximately 75,000 bleeding hearts, all > looking pretty pathetic. > Apparently, bleeding hearts and tornadoes don't mix. That was their > excuse, anyways. I don't know what Kibo's excuse is. My bleeding heart put up a second sprout a couple days ago. The main plant still hasn't bloomed, but it had a really late start. And did you say cactus? Today I started some cactus seeds -- I have serious doubts those will grow, but I've always wanted to see what comes out of cactus seeds, and it's the ultimate challenge -- plus some of that fluorescent Froot Loops-colored swiss chard and a few fennel seeds. (I know it's way late to be starting such vegetables, but I can keep them indoors when it gets cold.) So tell me what the mystery plant that's growing in one of my lettuce pots is. > Also, Terri's right, the Hivemind is getting out of hand. What I like about bleeding heart plants is that this year all the flowers say "Y2K" and "HARD DRIVE" and "BOOT ME" and "WWW.LUV" instead of "BE MINE". -- K. The cactus seeds (from Taiwan) say to plant them in "liver soil". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: New Monitor Smell Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 10:40:18 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > "China Blue" (smjames@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > > > Is there anything quite like the smell of a new monitor? I just wish it > > would stop setting of the smoke alarum. > > New manual smells are better. New baby smells are the worst. > The great thing about those is, you get an extra whiff of the new manual > smell whenever you open a chapter that isn't often referred to. Wait... they're putting manuals on PAPER now? Did they print out the PDF or did you? -- K. Or was it HTML? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: My letters keep you cool!!!!!! Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 05:52:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Lots42 (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > My dad is in the business of writing programs to help the distribution of > air conditioning parts all across the country (or at least the East Coast. > I know the East Coast for sure). Or at least part of the East Coast of a country, or something facing the coast of some country, not necessarily the same one. > Anywho, I helped him out a few times. Once, I had a grid of about > twenty-thirty spaces. You had negative ten spaces? > I had to use the grid to create the entire alphabet, punctuation and > the numbers one through nine. OH NO! YOUR FONT CAN'T DISPLAY "TEN"! YOUR FONT IS NOT Y0.01K-COMPLIANT! > This alphabet I artistically rendered was large on purpose so warehouse > managers could read the computer screen from far away. Then they invented the idea of making computers with screens larger than nine inches and your life was RUINED! > There is a pretty good chance that the letters I wrote contributed to > keeping the Boston Library cool. ##### # # #### ##### #### #### ##### # # # # # # # # # ##### # # # # # # #### # # # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### #### # #### #### # # # ### ### # # # #### # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### #### # # # # ### ### ####### ###### #### # # ##### ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### # # # # # # ##### ##### # ##### # # # # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### #### # # ##### # #### # # # ##### #### ##### # # # # # # # # # #### # ## ##### # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### # # # ##### #### # # ##### ##### ### ### # # # # # # # # ###### #### # # ##### # # # # # # # # # ## # # # # ##### # # # ##### # # # # # # ####### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ## # # # ##### ##### ### ### # #### # # # # # ###### ##### ###### #### #### # # # # # # # # # ###### ##### # # ##### #### # # # # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # # ###### #### #### ##### # # ## ##### # # # # # # # ###### # # # # # # ###### # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### ##### # # #### # # # # ## # # # ## ##### # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### # # #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # # # ###### # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # ###### #### # # ##### # # # # ###### # # ##### #### ## # # # # ##### # ##### ###### # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### # ###### # # # # ## # ##### # # # # # # # # ## ## ## # # # # # #### # # # # # # # # # # ###### ## # # # # # #### # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # #### ###### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### ###### # # # #### ## ##### ##### # #### # ###### #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### #### ###### ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### ###### ###### #### # # # ##### # # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # # # ## # # # # # # # ### ## ## # # # # # # #K# # # # # # # # # ### ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: A New Anti-Advertisement Is Discovered. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 06:04:15 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In the past I've described great examples of anti-advertisements -- commercials made by people who were hired despite their obvious hatred of the product they're forced to endorse. My two favorite examples are anything by Ben Stiller ("MAW! PAW DONE SHOT UP THUH AY-OH-AYEL AGAYUN!", all those interviews he did where he talked about making "The Cable Guy", his performance at the "Star Trek" 30th anniversary special where he sang the Space Hippies' song, etc.) and anything by Tyee Productions (those infomercials that tell you how Philips Magnavox home entertainment systems will punish you if you say "help", the WebTV infomercial, and the famous "Motel Time Warp" where the family can't keep the obnoxious guy talking about Magnavox TVs from coming into their hotel room over and over, each time dressed as a different ethnic stereotype.) (If you can think of examples of other commercials that TRY to make you hate their product, let me know. I'm trying to collect enough to start my own 24-hour Anti-Advertising channel.) Yesterday I saw a new one. It was a commercial for Miller High Life beer. It showed a guy with axle grease all over his hands eating a powdered doughnut. The voice-over went on and on about how filthy and unhygenic it is to get axle grease on your doughnut. The last line was "It's just FLAVOR to a HIGH LIFE drinker." So, they paid an ad agency big bucks to tell me that, if I like the taste of filthy axle grease, then I'll like their beer? I really gotta go into advertising. -- K. "EAT SPAM -- IT CAN'T POSSIBLY TASTE AS BAD AS YOU THINK! BESIDES, YOUR DOG LIKES IT! YOUR DOG LIKES IT SO MUCH HE'D EAT IT A SECOND TIME AFTER HE POOPED IT OUT! EAT SPAM!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: A New Anti-Advertisement Is Discovered. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Tue, 25 May 1999 06:58:33 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Jorn Barger (jorn@mcs.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > (If you can think of examples of other commercials that TRY to make you > > hate their product, let me know. I'm trying to collect enough to start > > my own 24-hour Anti-Advertising channel.) > > Drink Gatorade! It's made by scraping colored sweat off stinky people! And when it dries, it turns into Nuprin. Anyone else remember their ill-fated "NUPE IT!" slogan? I think that arrow-killed beef jerky maker and sociopath Ted Nugent should adopt "NUGE IT!" as his slogan. Except I think he's already using "NUKE IT!" -- K. OH DEAR I CALLED TED NUGENT A BAD NAME. I HOPE HE DOESN'T REALIZE I'M MAKING FUN OF HIM SHORTLY AFTER HE REALIZES MICHAEL MOORE AND CONAN O'BRIEN MADE FUN OF HIM. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.geo.geology,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Applause ?/? Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 06:29:01 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In sci.geo.geology, Manley Hubbell (Manley.Hubbell@hubert.rain.com) wrote: > > 98-9-19(preposed) EarthQuake Cycles & definations > Round = 4 Jiggles (? 8 years) > Jiggle = 4 Seasons {? 2yr Cyl} > SEASON = 3 Applause ( 2 Lulls ) | 3 months| > Applause(month) = pair <14>'s / 29days / > fortnight <14> === pair 7's " Gravity Waves " < 14&3/4 > > week 7 = pair Claps "GW2ndHarm" 7days > day Clap = A day of "BIG" Quakes 24hrs Dear Manley Hubbell, I agree completely. Now you owe me a dollar. > ========ROUND=========================(? 8 years) > SFSF Spring Fall Spring Fall ( the STRONG ONE ) 2YR :"Orion": > SWSW Summer Winter Summer Winter 2YR > FSFS Fall Spring Fall Spring 2YR > WSWS Winter Summer Winter Summer 2YR > note this cycle does not = 8 exactly and so it gets out of SYNC > now would be one of the times when the pattern needs to be RESET I suggest you and Dr. Alexander Abian start jumping up and down until you get the Earth to travel around the Sun in nature's most perfect orbit, the square. > ---------JIGGLE-----------------------{? 2yr Cyl} > (ei 4 seasons of Quakes in 2 year periods called a Jiggle O' Quakes) "Sarah Tucker! Why are you stirring your Cool Whip Brand Dessert Topping into your delicious Jell-O Brand Instant Pudding Mix?" "It's Jiggle O'Quakes, the hot new recipe from the kitchen whizzes at Jell-O!" > {{{ SEE PRIOR POST }}} > and 4 Jiggles (2yr ea) would = ROUND of Quake Cycles (about 8years) > :::::::::SEASON:::::::::::::::::::::::| 3 months| > in a typically season there are 3 applause's(Clap Clap Clap)={90day} > how ever the simple CLAP CLAP CLAP soon becomes more complex (Peter Pan faces the audience.) "Oh no, Manley Hubbell stopped sparkling! Everyone who believes in Manley Hubbell, clap your hands!" (the audience begins to applaud while chanting:) "I do believe you're a bozo, I do I do I do!" > as the 14&3/4Day Gravity Wave comes into view > and that gives rise to a 7 day Earth Responce (GW second Harmonic) > so a theoritical Season's of "Applause"(s) more like the following: > 7 7 7 7 7 7 Earths 2nd GW harmonic > c-c c-c c-c c-c c-c c-c > < 14 > < 14 > < 14 > 14&3/4day GW Primary > /====29=====1/4=====29=====1/4=====29=====1/4Moon > "Lull" "Lull" > |=Applause| |=Applause| |=Applause|.............: aka Season > typically there are two "LULLS" in a SEASON Or about eighty-seven if it's "Are You Being Served Yet?" > Lulls occure about 2 days after the first Quarter Moon phase > &R considered the DOMINANT feature of an active Quake Season > in some seasons FOUR months string together (Claps=16 not 12) > ei a "three LULL / four Applause" SEASON on rare ocasions Dear Manley Hubbell, Now I agree even more completely than before. So you owe me two dollars. Two BIG dollars. > =========-----------============-------------=============--------- > Reality of course would be something else entirly and these > Conjuctures of Quake "Applauses", "Seasons", "Jiggles", & "Rounds". > are mostly theoritical and may not in fact be found in the Library. PAGING MISTER SAKLAD, PAGING MISTER SAKLAD... (suddenly, James "Kibo" Brolin is attacked by ninjas who steal his little red bike.) > however better than expected results will occure IF you keep score. > ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! > the "MAIN" feature of this file may be the "LULL" which may > more accuratly be called the "First Quarter Seismic lull" > which most probably can be seen on a chart two days after first 1/4 > ....Dated Material AutoDelete 7/2/04 JD2453189 > _____ LINE 47 4:50 A.M. PSt > Anyway next Max Dec 7 `99 and though i'm overloaded & > therefor confused it does seam like 5/15 made some LINES ? > _____LINE 50/50 looking forward to 5/25 Vol Looks like Buckminster Fuller exploded in here. But I agree with you even more than before. You now owe me ten trillion dollars, timesed by infinity, plus applause. -- K. Manley, what brand of grammar-checker do you use? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.astro,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: GRAVITATION. THE EXPERIMENTAL FACTS Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 06:33:45 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In sci.astro, A.N. Timofeev, V.A. Timofeev, and L.G. Timofeeva (a_n_timofeev@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > . 10 > I<----------->| > I 13 | > I<==============>I > I | I > ? 39 I | I > |<----------------->I 33 |<---------------->I 24 | I > | |<------------------>I |<----------------->I > | | I ? | | I 5 | | I 8 | | I 3 | | I > | | I<====>| | I<====>| | I<====>| | I<====>| | I > | | I | | I | | I | | I | | I > 10 9 I 8 7 I 6 5 I 4 3 I 2 1 I > I | | I | | I | | I | | I > I Mercury MarsI Venus EarthI Uran NepI Saturn JupiterI > I I I I I > 10+9 8+7 6+5 4+3 2+1 > ln(mass) > - - ------------------------------------------------------------> So what you're saying is that the Solar System is like "Chutes & Ladders", unless the Solar System is in England, in which case it's like "Snakes & Ladders"? -- K. Also, you forgot Pluto and Vulcan. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.astro,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: GRAVITATION. THE EXPERIMENTAL FACTS Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 10:18:51 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Clement Cherlin (ccherlin@psynet.net) wrote: > > In sci.astro, A.N. Timofeev, V.A. Timofeev, and L.G. Timofeeva > (a_n_timofeev@my-dejanews.com) wrote: > > > > . 10 > > I<----------->| > > I 13 | > > I<==============>I > > I | I > > ? 39 I | I > > |<----------------->I 33 |<---------------->I 24 | I > > | |<------------------>I |<----------------->I > > | | I ? | | I 5 | | I 8 | | I 3 | | I > > | | I<====>| | I<====>| | I<====>| | I<====>| | I > > | | I | | I | | I | | I | | I > > 10 9 I 8 7 I 6 5 I 4 3 I 2 1 I > > I | | I | | I | | I | | I > > I Mercury MarsI Venus EarthI Uran NepI Saturn JupiterI > > I I I I I > > 10+9 8+7 6+5 4+3 2+1 > > ln(mass) > > - - ------------------------------------------------------------> > > Aww, man, that level of Lode Runner Kook Edition was a *pain*. All the > little KookMonks kept spawning right near you, and you had to dig four times > just to get to the lower level from above, and if you killed a monk one it'd > just respawn in sci.astro or sci.physics.fusion and climb down the ladder. > Then you hadda run allll the way over to the right, climb up through the > middle, all the while keeping the KookMonks from tagging you, and THEN once > you had collected all of the Archimedes Plutonium Stock Analysis Numbers and > gotten sucked through the exit by the VOID OF SPACE Manley Hubbell appeared > and drew sunspot charts on the inside of your monitor. I loved that game. You misspelled "Demons To Diagrams". Hope this helps. You know, there's nothing like video games as a wellspring of cultural obsurantism for in-jokes about weirdly-formatted Internet rants. Except, maybe, "Doctor Who". Oh, and another font for that sort of stuff would be fonts. But they tend to produce puns as well and therefore should be ignored. Also, thanks a HEAPING BUNCH for getting Manley Hubbell into the inside of my monitor, since I can't figure out how to get him out. Now I'll have to buy a new monitor, preferably one without a crazy man inside. James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote [re that diagram]: > > So what you're saying is that the Solar System is like "Chutes & Ladders", > unless the Solar System is in England, in which case it's like > "Snakes & Ladders"? > > Also, you forgot Pluto and Vulcan. Clement Cherlin (ccherlin@psynet.net) wrote: > > Question: If Spock, Yoda, and Dr. Who were engaged in MENTAL COMBAT with a > random Star Trek evil mental energy being, Omega and SithEmperor Palpatine, > who would win? Can you disable a light-saber with a sonic screwdriver? I > NEED TO KNOW FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT SO COULD YOU PLEASE POST PICTURES OF A > JEDI KNIGHT FLOORING THE ACCELERATOR OF THE TARDIS WITH HIS MIND WHILE HIGH. I think a more important question is, should Patrick Stewart or James Earl Jones be my Presidental running-mate? In other words, in a run-off election between Patrick Stewart and James Earl Jones, who would win, and how could I best co-opt their fan base for my own evil^H^H^H^HPresidental purposes? Either one of them would make a great Vice-President for my campaign, especially if I let them make lots of radio speeches. And when I have to give a speech on TV, I could just lip-sync to one of their speeches. Plus Patrick Stewart could help me create Enterprise Zones in the inner city, while James Earl Jones could advise me on Star Wars. On the other hand, the Sith Emperor Palpatine can shoot lighning bolts from his hands because he's JUST... THAT... EVIL. Maybe I should ask Mr. Jones to put me in touch with Mr. Palpatine. I don't mean that literally. I mean in FAX CONTACT with Mr. Palpatine. -- K. Must... not... call... him... "Emperor Palatino"... ack... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: another TV commercial that bothers me Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 06:39:47 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com A faux independent coalition is running TV commercials telling me to call up Massport and demand that they build a new runway at Logan International Airport. The tagline is "SUPPORT LOGAN'S RUNWAY!" I will but only if they allow me to wear an Olympic ice-skating costume with a hood and a seventies hockey goalie mask and float over the airport in slow motion until my body explodes while the crowd of thirteen-year-olds in green polyester togas chant "RENEW! RENEW!" and Peter Ustinov recites the enitre libretto of "Cats" and Michael York yells "THERRRRE ARRRRRE NOOOOOO DEEEELAAAYYYYSSSSSSSS!!!" while his head revolves in three dimensions. And then the Cub Scouts will wave their Popsicle at him and feed him Muscle and Roscoe Lee Browne will enter, trapped inside a Dalek costume. And all the vowles on the computer screen will explode. Then the plot will get SILLY. -- K. If you don't get it, raise your hand, then watch any of Ted Turner's movie channels and you'll get it within two weeks. Right after "The Beastmaster" and right before "Twilight Zone: The Movie". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.battlestar-galactica,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Muffit Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 06:50:04 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In alt.battlestar-galactica, Chris Walsh (ctwalsh@linkline.com) wrote: > > > > Muffit was an early animatronic. His father was "BRUCE" ( also known > > affectionately as JAWS) Joseph Bloch (jkbloch@earthlink.net) wrote: > > Actually, no. Trekker was right. It was a chimp in a costume. You're both right. Muffit was played by a ROBOT chimp. -- K. How else do you think he could be so smart? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: From the official "Battlestar Galactica: The Movie" web site Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 07:35:26 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com This is the OFFICIAL interview with Glen Larson, TV producer and genius, the man behind "Battlestar Galactica", "Knight Rider", and "Automan", in honor of the impending "Battlestar Galactica: The Movie" which will be filmed in the film capital of the world, Luxembourg. All typos in the quoted material are theirs, not mine. > Q1.ÊÊÊÊÊ It has been 20 years since Battlestar Galactica was on the air, > what prompted you to do a movie now? And why did that bastard George Lucas rush a new "Star Wars" film into theaters when he heard they were about to do a "Battlestar Galactica" movie? > A. Although Battlestar Galactica has now been out of production for over > twenty years, over the past thirty six months it has seen the publication > of the third in a series of three hard cover novels, the introduction of a > brand new toy line, and as of this writing, a presence on the world wide > internet of more than twenty eight different web sites.Ê Given this > unprecedented level of publicÊ awareness and interest it would seem > derelict not to find a fresh forum in which to respond to the public's > ever growing interest in an extension of the Battlestar Galactica > franchise. I... see. So the movie is being done because they already made the toys so now they gotta make a movie. And there are 28 Web pages about "Battlestar Galactica". I hope Mr. Larson does a search for "Kibo" sometime. By this logic I deserve HUNDREDS OF MOVIES! Especially if I get to wear a cool costume with lots of buckles on it like Starbuck did. > Q2.ÊÊÊÊÊÊ Where did the original idea of Battlestar Galactica come from? Yeah, and how did you come up with the idea of naming the hero Luke Starbuck? > A. Raised on Star Trek before I ever began my career in television, WOW! HE WATCHED TV EVEN BEFORE HE STARTED MAKING IT! If only other TV producers would be that intelligent. > the substance for Battlestar Galactica, a WAGON TRAIN in space Unlike "Star Trek", which Gene Roddenberry always said was "Bonanza in Space" because it starred Lorne Greene, > I originally called Adam's Arc, ...in which the world was destroyed by a huge flood so Obi-Wan Adama packed two of every "Star Wars" character into a segment of a circle. > was one of the first ideas I pitched to a studio (Universal Studios in 1968). Golly, it's too bad you didn't think to countersue George Lucas after he claimed "Battlestar Galactica" was just like "Star Wars" only on TV. > But with the early demise of Star Trek, After only three years! It's a good thing no shows that good ever got cancelled after the first season, and then ran another half a season as a kids' show on another network with "1980" appended to the title. > science fiction as a television forum suddenly had the radiation half life > of about a billion years.Ê My show was not saleable. I... see. So, in its original form, "Battlestar Galactica" aka "Adam's Arc" would have run on TV for billions of years, but after the first billion, it would have been ONLY HALF AS GOOD! "seaQuest DSV" ran for three years, but it had a half-life of one week. > I went about my business creating shows that were saleable, eventually to > include, Magnum P.I., Quincy, KnightRider, etc., bringing to television > some twenty other shows, Does that count "Knight Rider 2000", "Knight Rider 2010", and "Team Knight Rider"? "Team Knight Rider" should count twice because it had that car that could turn into two motorcycles through the use of squiggles drawn on the film. And let's not forget "NightMan", which was like "Knight Rider" plus "Automan", which of course leads me to assume that next you'll make "Auto Rider". > but always hoping that one day, science fiction would come back and > I'd have another chance at my favorite forum. And THIS time you'll get to use that annoying, wacky "Bar Bar Ninks" character you created back in 1927! > Q3.ÊÊÊÊÊ Did you have any idea that Battlestar Galactica would achieve > such a large and enduring following as it has? I think this is the part of the article where I stop saying stuff and just start humming wacky clown music. > A. I didn't anticipate the continuing and growing interest in Battlestar > Galactica over the years, but as a student of the origins of man, I > welcome any opportunity to explore his genesis. DOO DAH DAH DOO DAH DAH DOO DAH DAH DOO DAH DAH DOO DAH DAH > Clearly his history goes back millions of years and perhaps millions > of miles out into space with only a miniscule record of man's progress > available to us. DEE DEET DEET DEE DEET DEET DEE DEET DEET DEE DEET DEET > It is through the medium of so called science fiction that we are > allowed to peel back the layers of time and conjecture alternative > histories. Like the one in which "Battlestar Galactica" was immensely popular. > My personal interests go to works like Von Danikens, "Chariots of the Gods," DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT (those are space doots) > and more recently, Hancock's "Fingerprints of the Gods."Ê It was this > latter book which inspired a recently successful two hour movie I produced > for UPN called, "The Darwin Conspiracy" for which a sequel has already been > ordered in preparation for a series. What would be the criteria for being declared an unsuccessful UPN movie- of-the-week? I mean, they even aired that "Star Trek" episode where they got lost in the corridors for sixty minutes. > Q4.ÊÊÊÊÊ Do you think science fiction has changed much in the last twenty > years? YOU KNOW, IN THE TWENTY YEARS SINCE "STAR WARS" WAS MADE? > A. Sci-Fi has not really changed over the years, it is the audience which > has changed.Ê Today's generations have grown up not with science fiction, > but with science reality.Ê Much if that which was only imagined by H.G. > Wells, Heinlen and Bradbury has been turned into reality in our lifetime.Ê > No more is the science fiction fan a fringe audience.Ê The change in > appetites did not take generations, it all happened somewhere between the > original Star Trek and he advent of Star Wars. HE MENTIONED IT! HE MENTIONED IT! GO GET HIM, LAWYERS! >ÊAnd I was NASA, Excuse me, I think that Deke Slayton may have been part of NASA too. > that during that short space accomplished a few small miracles, > like landing on the moon that simply made believers out of all of us. > The fringe was suddenly mainstream. And it had groovy beads on it and it looked great with a polyester vest. > Q5.ÊÊÊÊÊ Over the years, many people have suggested that Battlestar > Galactica rode the coat-tails of Star Wars, which had it's theatrical > release one year prior to Battlestar Galactica's airdate; in fact, there > is a certain irony that Star Wars is back again and Battlestar Galactica > also returns. OH, THE IRONY! THE COSMIC SPACE IRONY! By the way, I just stole five million bucks from the bank, but it was okay, it was just irony. > A.ÊÊÊÊÊ There is no question that it was the enormous success of Star Wars > which drastically altered the marketplace for science fiction on > television.Ê Known for their 'herd' instincts, Network Executives have > traditionally wanted a 'herd' excuse to buy whatever it is they're buying > and generally look to something else that's successful to reinforce their > decisions.Ê By that I simply mean that if there's a successful show called > Dallas, there'll be a Dynasty the next season.ÊÊÊ If there's a Dawson's > Creek, there'll be a Felicity,and so forth. Yes, Felicity, a sitcom about Yuppie lawyers who have strange cartoon fantasies about computer-animated dancing babies, is exactly the same show as that little WB thing about the teenagers who have sex all the time. It's certainly MUCH closer than "Battlestar Galactica" was to "Star Wars". I mean, "Battlestar Galactica" had DIFFERENT actors playing Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, etc. than "Star Wars" did! > The saga of Battlestar Galactica is an alternative theory about the > origins of human beings, both on Earth and elsewhere in the universe.Ê It > took a court decision to decide that it was unique in what it's basic > concept presented and was in no way any more derivative of what had gone > before it than any other fiction work.Ê Surely shootouts between the good > guys and bad guys existed in every cowboy movie I ever saw as a kid and > were often accompanied at my local theatre, "The Hitching Post" on > Hollywood Boulevard, by the sci-fi shootouts in space featuring Buck > Rogers and Flash Gordon. But I thought Flash and Buck usually had SWORDS in outer space. Maybe you should go back and look at "Star Wars" more closely, maybe eventually you'd find some lightsabers to rip off. And then George Lucas couldn't throw lawyers at you because you could say you were ripping off "Flash Gordon" just like he did and then you'd become best friends forever and he'd give you half of his three billion dollars. But only if you spend a night in a haunted house. With a talking car. > Still, it wasn't until I had launched some twenty or so other successful > shows that the theatrical release of Star Wars induced the far sighted > networks to conclude that science fiction no longer needed to be a dirty > word on television. And, as is the custom with trendsetters, the powers > that be at Universal dusted off my original presentation of Adam's Arc and > took it to ABC where it found a home. For nearly a whole year. Then it found its permanent home on NBC for the remaining half a year. > If there is a public appetite for any given form of entertainment, > be it reality shows, sitcoms, soap or space operas, it will be > fulfilled by someone. Then why aren't there more shows featuring lions ripping apart Bob Hope? > Q6.ÊÊÊÊÊÊ What sort of things can we expect to see in the movie that were > not possible on he television show? Well, people saw the TV show for free. They'll have to pay eight dollars to see the movie. So the movie's budget will be accordingly higher -- eight dollars higher. I'm sure it will be as lavish as the last three "Battlestar: Galactica" movies ("Battlestar Galactica: The Movie", which was pasted together out of TV episodes and released to theaters, followed by "Mission: Galactica: The Cylon Attack", which was pasted together out of reruns and released to theaters in Canada, and "Conquest of the Earth", which was pasted together out of "Galactica: 1980" reruns and released to home video.) > A.ÊÊÊÊÊ Today'sÊ computer-generated imagery and related technology will > make the next visit with the saga of Battlestar GalacticaÊ a whole new > ball game.Ê The whiz kids are working on things that aren't out yet, which > remove all of the limits in storytelling.Ê If we can imagine it, they can > do it.Ê The ball and burden is clearly in our court and from what I've > seen, no one will be disappointed. NO ONE WILL BE DISAPPOINTED BY GLEN LARSON'S BALL!!! > Q7.ÊÊÊÊÊÊ You have developed, written, and produced a remarkable number of > television series hits. What qualities do you think make a show popular? And how much of them does it take to overcome the presence of a talking car? > A. I just touched on the most important ingredient to any successful > theatrical venture, storytelling.Ê All the great effects in the world > won't help you if the story we bring to the screen does not involve and > earn the commitment of its audience.Ê I consider humor another element > which I would personally put ahead of effects.Ê I would never trade an > explosion, however nuclear and grand for an understated moment of 'gallows > or foxhole humor' from someone we care about on the big screen, caught in > some life threatening dilemma. Starbuck: "Oh no! Doctor Zee has travelled back in time and is dropping an atomic bomb on Hiroshima to end World War II!" Apollo: "He's doing it too soon, the war will end before the German people find out what Hitler REALLY stands for!" Starbuck: "Look, the atomic bomb is about to hit!" (CUT TO:) Adama: "Wanna hear a knock-knock joke?" > Q8.ÊÊÊÊÊÊ What has been your favorite experience connected to Battlestar > Galactica? > > A. One of my favorite experiences associated with Battlestar Galactica was > meeting with Isaac Asimov in New York, to enlist his 'support and > participation' for Galactica going into its second year.Ê His ideas were > marvelous and I cherished the opportunity to have him aboard Battlestar > Galactica. Cool! I'm sure Dr. Asimov would have LOVED having his name all over the credits of "Galactica: 1980", the show that contained the line "By the time the Germans found out what Hitler REALLY stood for, it was too late!" > But, circumstances beyond his control or mine intervened and > it was never to be.Ê Still, I relish the personal contact and one-on-one > conversations that would have happened. I... see. So your favorite experience connected to "Battlestar: Galactica" is something that WOULD have happened? > A second great moment born of Battlestar Galactica was the Emmy nomination > for the Theme, which I shared with Stu Phillips, my long time musical > partner, also involved in many other themes with me (KnightRider, Quincy, > etc.) (Mr. Phillips wrote the music, Mr. Larson wrote the lyrics.) > This honor in turn led to one of the greatest nights of my life.Ê John > Williams, conducting the Boston Pops Orchestra, in addition to performing > his own great motion-picture themes from Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost > Ark, and Close Encounters of a Third Kind, elected to include on the > program the theme from Battlestar Galactica.Ê The response from the > audience was unforgettable. Who says concert audiences don't have a sense of humor? > Q9.ÊÊÊÊÊÊ What are your thoughts about the number of television shows that > have been made into movies recently, such as "Lost in Space" and "My > Favorite Martian", etc.? "My Favorite Martian"... hmm. Hey, Glen, maybe you could get the rights to do "Mork & Mindy: The Movie". > A. When it comes to sci-fi related television shows made into movies, I > confess to a certain lack of enthusiasm for recent efforts.Ê Higher on my > list for the two best recent conversions from television to movies would > be "The Fugitive" and "Maverick".Ê Ironically, both were originally > created by Roy Huggins whose involvement was invited and apparent in the > execution of both motion pictures, which is why I believe they maintained > a certain integrity to the original concepts which were after all durable > and solid enough to generate hundred of episodes over multiple years. > I was less enchanted with the "Mission Impossible" movie, which decided to > turn the continuing lead boss character (who was honest and forthright > throughout the long running series) into a sudden villain. Oh, yeah, the Peter Graves character was completely respectable during the FIRST season of "Mission: Impossible". Before he started appearing on the show. > It smacked of someone trying to hard for a twist.Ê I would have preferred > a story twist to a character and concept sellout. > > Similarly, I don't feel the next incarnation of Battlestar Galactica can > afford to sell out the basic tenants of the series. "BATTLESTAR: GALACTICA" WAS THE FIRST TV SHOW FINANCED BY TENANTS WHO LIVED IN THE SET!!! > I feel we have an obligation to see that we are faithful to that which was > without being afraid to go far far beyond.Ê It is my belief that we are > creating new and excitingly innovating adventures in the soon to go > before the cameras motion picture "BattlestarÊ Galactica", and we are > doing it without carelessly trampling or distorting the past. So to avoid distorting history you'd better repeat the "By the time the Germans found out what Hitler REALLY stood for..." speech without rewriting it. > We want to thank Mr. Larson for giving us some insights into Battlestar > Galactica.ÊÊ Be certain to check back here for more interviews throughout > the summer! And I thank Mr. Larson for giving me the opportunity to respond here where he probably won't see it. Of course, now he owes me a favor because I'm gonna go see his movie and he's not going to see my article, so I don't feel guilty about posting this. CONFIDENTIAL TO GLEN LARSON: I'LL ONLY SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT "BATTLESTAR: GALACTICA" FROM NOW ON IF YOU MAIL ME A COMPLETE CYLON WARRIOR COSTUME FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES. BE SURE THE EYE STILL LIGHTS UP. -- K. I plan to paint my face before waiting in line to buy tickets. I was thinking of painting the word "SUCKER" on each cheek and "I PAINTED MY FACE, NOW SHOW ME ON CNN" on my forehead. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: From the official "Battlestar Galactica: The Movie" web site Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 10:23:29 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com M. Otis Beard (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry wrote in message ... > > > > DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT DOOT > > > > (those are space doots) > > > Hey! These Space Doots are 33% doo! What kind of ripoff candy is this? Oh, don't you know? Here's the lowdown from McDoot, The Doot Dog: YOU CAN'T MAKE DOOTS WITHOUT DOO! TO MAKE A DOOT, YOU GOTTA START WITH DOO! DON'T DO YOUR DOOTS WHERE DONNY DON'T DOESN'T! -- K. ZOINKS! JINKIES! FORMULAIC! There, now I've stolen memes from both "The Simpsons" and "Scooby-Doo" in the same post. If I can work in a reference to Disney's "Winnie The Doot" I can score a copyright- infringement trifecta, which pays double! IN DOOT CANDY! "When does a policeman smell? When he's ON DOODY!" -- Garry Shandling ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Quote of the day Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 10:31:20 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com "AN' THE DENNIST'S TOOTHPASTE TASTES SO GOOD I DIN'T WANNA SPIDDIT OUT!" -- overheard on a kids' show on my TV I just hope that kid never goes to the proctologist. -- So, is Steve on "Blue's Clues" smarter or dumber than the orange Pac-Man ghost? Would he have a nervous breakdown if you drew a blue paw print on the back of his head? And was there ever a junta against fascist Commander Mark of "The Secret City"? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.politics.kibo From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Al Gore's Open Source Presidential campaign Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 10:35:38 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com I was peeking at the HTML source code for Al Gore's Web site: > > > > > Welcome to the Gore 2000 web site - and to our crusade for > America's future > > ...is bad because some browsers will terminate an HTML comment when they see ">". Hence, if you want to actually take that code out, either change all the "" to "[TAGS]" or else just actually delete the code, rather than including it inside a comment to waste space! The browsers that think ">" terminates a comment (early versions of HTML specified that) will display most of your supposedly hidden code. 11. Why is only the first part of your JavaScript code "hidden" (in HTML comments)? if (navigator.appVersion.substring(0,1) == 3 && navigator.appVersion.indexOf("MSIE") == -1 && navigator.appVersion.indexOf("Macintosh") == -1) { bgSource = "images/bkgd2.gif"; } else { bgSource = "images/bkgd.gif"; } var bkgd = ""; document.write(bkgd); // --> function submit_page() { ...you need to put "// -->" AFTER the JavaScript, not in the middle, if you want to prevent non-JavaScript-capable browsers from thinking it's something that should be displayed. Also, that code to select a different background image for MSIE or Macintosh users could be done server-side -- then it would take up no space in the document and would not depend on having a browser which can do your JavaScript. For instance, in Apache I would do something along these lines: ...that way, only one tag (the appropriate one) gets served, rather than a document containing a bunch of JavaScript which generates one after receiving the page (and you could also lose the