Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Let's Get Tattoos. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 06:39:20 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) says... > > > > I think all us people here on alt.religion.kibology should get special > > tattoos so we can identify each other in public. And then any cops who > > are Kibologists would never arrest us. And besides it would make us > > look cool. I mean coolER. > > I learned this morning (VIVA WEEKEND EDITION SATURDAY!) that if you want > to ask someone if they're a recovering alcoholic without using those > words, you can say "Are you a friend of Bill W's?" and they'll respond > "yes" if they are, and "no" if they aren't or they're in a splinter group > or provisional wing of AA. But what if their best friend really is named Bill W? And they're a Mason? What if they're a Mason and the computer randomly assigned them the license plate "TUBALCAIN", the secret Masonic power word that only non-Masons are allowed to say? > It might be an amusing exercise to decide on just such a question for > kibologists. But now I've said it might be amusing, and having estimated > its amusement value, it won't be any funnier than the greenhouse effect. I think we should do something more along the lines of mental hospitals, where when the loudspeakers yell "MISTER STRONG TO ROOM THREE-FOURTEEN", it means "EXTRA STRAIGHJACKETS AND TRUNCHEONS NEEDED TO SUBDUE A PATIENT WHO IS ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS". Except at Mass General Hospital, where they just yell "EXTRA STRAIGHTJACKETS AND TRUNCHEONS NEEDED TO SUBDUE A PATIENT WHO IS ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS." Hey, that's how to spot the Kibologist! He's the one who made them call for the extra straightjackets. ...in the grocery store. > > So, what should the tattoo be? I was thinking of something like a picture > > of a bee eating okra inside a balloon shaped like a durian, with a ribbon > > around it labelled "SIC SEMPER BACON BACON BACON", and the tattoo would have > > an ornate frame around with with a little sticker at the bottom saying > > "FOR SALE $5". > > [re placement] > > Also, it should probably be something that isn't covered by a gasmask or > totalitarian boots. I don't understand. Do you mean (a) it can't be on the face or feet, or (b) it has to be really big, or (c) we're no longer allowed to wear gas masks and jackboots to the supermarket? I hope it's not (c), because that would be a sign that we're living in a fascist totalitarian society. > > So, who's first? > > Me t00! DEAR ABBOTT & COSTELLO, PLEASE DIE. BUT FIRST PLEASE MEET BOB HOPE AND MAKE HIM AN HONORARY MEMBER OF ABBOTT & COSTELLO, THEN DIE. > I might be up for a Bee in a Balloon tattoo, but visually a durian would > exceed explanation. Even if it's scratch'n'sniff? -- K. 'n'heave'n'retch 'n'avoid ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Let's Get Tattoos. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Tue, 1 Jun 1999 06:20:21 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > [...] > > Also I invented a special kind of metal to build ray guns but it has > pink curlicues on top, Hooray! At least the gals of the future will have ray guns of their own! Now they won't just have to break their heel while being too dumb to run away from the monster without Russell Johnson dragging them! They'll at least be able to shoot Russell Johnson before the monster eats them! -- K. IT'S "BE MEANS TO RUSSELL JOHNSON DAY" HERE IN ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY! P.S. He wasn't a REAL professor. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Let's Get Tattoos. Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Mon, 31 May 1999 08:06:43 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I think all us people here on alt.religion.kibology should get special > > tattoos so we can identify each other in public. [...] > > > > So, what should the tattoo be? I was thinking of something like a picture > > of a bee eating okra inside a balloon shaped like a durian, with a ribbon > > around it labelled "SIC SEMPER BACON BACON BACON", and the tattoo would have > > an ornate frame around with with a little sticker at the bottom saying > > "FOR SALE $5". > > In a speech balloon. Which says "BEE" with quotes around it. You know, Gene Roddenberry almost armed Kirk with a "BEE gun" (Beam of Electrical Energy) instead of a "phaser". I know because I read it in that book with the silver cover. You know, the only "Star Trek" book with a silver cover. > With a dotted line around the whole frame with tiny ASCII scissors and a > sign that reads "CUT HERE" so that the moneylenders can more easily > extract their pound of flesh after we default on the loan we took out to > get the tattoo. Not "CUT HERE"... "OPEN OTHER END". > I have a tattoo, on my penis, of a penis that is 2" longer. > > -dp. > Nobody touch the punctuation > on that last sentence. Waah! David Pacheco gave himself a tattoo of my penis! I'M GONNA SUE HIM TO GET MY PENIS BACK! -- K. Is your untouchable punctuation in your penis, or your colon? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Star Wars Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 06:49:01 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Leo Sgouros (lsgouro1@tampabay.rr.com) wrote: > Hey, Leo, your name looks like Dean Lenort playing the Junior Jumble... IN THE "STAR WARS" UNIVERSE!!! > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > In alt.folklore.urban, Alan Follett (AFollett@webtv.net) wrote: > > > > > > I wouldn't be surprised if after the completion of Episodes II-III we do > > > go on to see some version of Episodes VII-IX (based on the novels or > > > not), and, for all I know, onward to Episode XXXIV, even if, perhaps > > > literally, over George Lucas' dead body. > > > > I would pay to see it projected that way, even if the corpse's shadow > > blocked part of the screen. > > I think it means that the 156 year old Lucas said "You are making this movie > over my dead body"-and the rest just happened. > From jail. I would pay to see a "Star Wars" sequel made entirely in the Maximum Security Lockdown of a federal penitentiary, or possibly a Catholic school. Especially if George Lucas is doing hard time for the mass murder of those thousands of people aboard the Death Star, including various Rebel prisoners, the periscope-eyeball monster living in the trash compactor, the old Germanic guy who played "Doctor Who", and the film crew that was filming his reaction. -- K. Am I the only one who remembers that Peter Cushing and Trevor Martin played The Doctor? And Richard Hurndall? And Paul McGann? And David Banks? And Michael Jayston? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Medium Fun Shopping Frog Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 06:52:57 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com "David/FortyTwo" (david@fortytwo.com) wrote: > > I went shopping today and ended up in a reject store. Of stuff. I found > an item labelled "lime green medium fun duck". This is good because I > like both the concepts of "medium fun" and "fun duck". It was made of > pottery plaster type stuff and had a large round hole in the base. It was > lime green and medium size. It could certainly provide hours of fun. Heck, yeah, if I sold someone something like that I'd laugh for hours too. > Also, I bought an inflatable frog "shower frog" shower cap because it had > the copy "simply blow up your frog's eyes [and] put him on your head". I > wish I had inflatable eyes. You can... ONCE. -- K. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT EXPLODING EYES WITH EXPLODING EYES. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Furby doll sparks "Huaabee Hueebaa" in Japan Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 07:06:06 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com AFP (a French "news" agency) wrote: > > Furby doll sparks "Huaabee Hueebaa" in Japan > > TOKYO, May 29 (AFP) - The US-born hi-tech talking doll "Furby" > made its long-awaited debut in Japan Saturday and wooed thousands of > eager buyers by speaking to them in Japanese. And all this time we thought the Furby dolls were just speaking nonsensical babytalk. It turns out that that's Japanese. > Long queues of people, some of whom waited all night, formed > outside toy shops and department stores across the nation to buy the > Japanese version of the toy, which has become all the rage in North > America since its debut in October. Oh, it's not just THE RAGE here, it's ALL THE RAGE. I'd hate to buy any overpriced nonsense-spouting doll that was only SOME of the rage. RAGE! RAGE! AGAINST THE DYING OF THE BATTERIES! > "Kimino-koto-aishiteiru" (I love you) and "Onaka-ga-suita" (I'm > hungry) are some of the 200 words or short phrases which the chubby, > furry doll is programmed to utter in response to stimulation. It pretends to be happy when you pretend to play with it... It's a stimulation of a simulation! > More than 1,000 people lined up for Furby dolls costing 3,980 > yen (33 dollars) apiece at a toy shop in the Hakuhinkan mall in the > fashionable downtown throughfare of Ginza. Hey, most cats can say "Hakuhinkan", especially if they're standing on a very expensive rug. I think this proves that cats are smarter than Furbies. I mean, Furby isn't even smart enough to get hairballs! > "It is cute because it struggles to learn the words," > 24-year-old office worker Emiko Furuki told the newspaper Asahi. "It > is worth raising." I would say it is worth razing. IT'S A SYNONYM! IT'S AN ANTONYM! I DON'T KNOW WHICH IT IS! > "Huaabee Hueebaa (Furby Fever)," read the headline in the > evening edition of the Mainichi Shimbun. It reported that about > 1,300 Furby buyers waited for the opening of the Takashimaya > department store in Tokyo's shopping and entertainment hub of > Shinjuku. Then J. Michael Straczynski replaced Takashimaya with Claudia Christian, and then I replaced her with Barbara Bain! > "Furby's popularity has already produced bundles of its > imitations and lookalikes on the market," the daily said. "The (toy) > industry has great hope amid signs of another boom since > Tamagotch." > Tamagotch, an egg-shaped palm-sized electronic toy produced by > Japan's Bandai, has swept the world in the past three years. Yep, it's swept around the world just like the water in a toilet bowl. TAMAGOTCHI -- LIKE THE MACARENA ONLY WITH AN OFF SWITCH! > Some three million Furbys have been sold in the United States > since it was put on the market by the US firm Tiger Electronics. > Its built-in semiconductor is geared to produce some 800 > different words, phrases or movements in response to sound, light > and movement. Big deal. If I wanted a semiconductor I'd just dig up part of Arthur Fiedler. > Furby starts out speaking like a baby but develops its > expressiveness in proportion to stimulation from its owner. YOW, FURBY LIKE SPANKING!!! > Tomy Co., the Japanese licensee of the doll, plans to sell one > million by the end of this year. I just can't wait for the annoying Jar Jar Binks doll, which will speak an annoying blend of high-pitched babytalk, shuffling, and jiving. And when you squeeze it it'll eat watermelon and fried chicken and Colt 45 malt liquor. And then George Lucas will fire him for not being stereotypical enough, and replace him with either Claudia Christian or Arthur Fiedler, in blackface. > TOKYO, JAPAN, 29-MAY-1999: Young Japanese girls pose with a large > "Furby" doll for a souvenir photo at a Tokyo toy shop May 29 1999. > Long queues of people, some of whom waited all night, formed outside > toy shops and department stores across the nation to buy the Japanese > language version of the American toy Furby. The toy made its Japanese > debut May 29, selling for a price of 3,980 yen (33USD). [Photo by > Jiji Press, AFP] Mere words cannot describe the horror of this photo of Mie and Kie from "Pink Lady" flaking a five-foot-tall Tuxedo Furby. And to make it more surreal, it's a photo of A GUY TAKING A PHOTO of that! I can't see what kind of camera he's using, but I bet it's one of those high-tech digital video cameras made in the United States. -- K. You know, the ones they included free with every flying car produced during Eisenhower's eighth term. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Suppress Win Logo Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 07:39:44 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In news.groups, "rachel" (rachelc@bangornews.infi.net) wrote: > > Hello, > Can anyone tell me how to suppress Windows 98 Logo from coming up and > obscuring the written text underneath? Dear Rachel, +------------+ +------------+ It's simple. Just pr| WINDOWS 98 | with the n| WINDOWS 98 |utton and then +------------+-----------+ +------------+---------+ +------------+ open the | WINDOWS 98 |ttings and pu| WINDOWS 98 +------------+ WINDOWS 98 |! +------------+---------+ +------------| WINDOWS 98 |------------+ Just be sure not to| WINDOWS 98 | on it. +------------+ +------------+ Sincerely, +------------+ | WINDOWS 98 |bo +------------+ ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,soc.history.science,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 07:54:53 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In talk.religion.misc and sco.history.science, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) replied to himself: > > In article <7ikflo$l1i$1@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> > Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) writes: > > > > --- quoting a letter from Boston --- The whole city sent you a letter? Wow. Usually only individual kooks send letters to other kooks. I hope you get more letters. If only someone would send you a few punctuation marks, maybe eventually you'd be able to make a complete sentence. > > > > May 20th, 1999 > > > > Dear Mr. Plutonium, > > > > On a more personal note. I am deeply saddened to hear of the problems > > you are currently having with Dartmouth. I hope, regardless of these > > problems, that you are able to continue posting your thoughts and ideas > > to the Net. A scientist of your magnitude and intellect has a solemn > > duty to share your knowledge with humanity. What if the first > > Archimedes had been silenced, and his great works lost to the world? Yeah, what if Dartmouth hadn't let the first Archimedes post junk all over the Internet in ancient Greece? > > Since the beginning of time, all great scientists and thinkers have > > been persecuted by the so-called, 'Scientific Community.' These people > > will do anything to protect their soiled reputations and flawed > > theories. They can never acknowledge your accomplishments, for doing so > > will surely expose them for what they truly are. They are little better > > than common street thugs and degenerate ruffians! They band together in > > packs, like feral dogs. They know that their powers resides only in > > their vast numbers, and the apathy of the common man. > > > > You must stay strong and fight the good fight! Do not let these small > > minded bigots deter you from your sacred mission. Fear not, Mr. > > Plutonium. I truly believe that the history will, one day, prove you to > > be: 'The King of all Science' > > Some comments on the above letter. I suspect the author of that letter > had some own personal experiences with the science community, much in > the manner of my experiences with the science community. I suspect that the recipient of that letter may need to see a doctor to have his sarcasm sac checked. > The reason I say that is because those that have not had personal > experience of clashing with the science community, they generally, > but not always have a naive, very naive view of the science community > and their politiking. Yeah, them scientists who live over there in Scienceville, THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY OF TOMORROW! (No pets.) > [...doo-dah, doo-dah...] > > I await my bridger. And I have the feeling that my bridger will be a > total surprize to me. It may even be myself. An own bridger. Are you running around yelling that in a squeaky dolphin voice while, in the background, Roy Scheider smears brown pancake makeup all over his face? Please say you are so that I can tell the Sci-Fi Channel to stop showing these reruns of you and bring back "Space: 1999", a much less silly show. > What I mean by that, is that my Fusion Barrier Law maybe shown true in the > near future, and the success of my Fusion Barrier Law, I can thrust the > Atom Totality theory onto the center stage from that earlier coup. In > French, coup de grace That's odd, I didn't realize that "coup de grace" was French for "and then monkeys might fly out of my butt." -- K. Right after they fly out of the magical talking dolphin's butt. P.S. FESS UP, LEAH VERRE AND/OR DAVID PACHECO, I KNOW YOU WERE IN BOSTON ON THE 20TH. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,soc.history.science,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 08:03:41 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.dev.null In a reply to his own reply to himself, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) writes: > > > > It is the bridger factor that is the most important single > > factor of a Revolutionary new theory to enter the doors of the science > > community > > [...] > > Here my knowledge of the Christian religion is not detailed and full > of gaps. Well, at least it's better than your knowledge of physics, chemistry, mathematics, and the culinary arts. > But if memory serves me correctly, there was Christianity even > before Jesus was born. And next you're going to tell me there was Judaism even before Judas was born! > And that after Jesus's crucifixion, did Jesus > become the central object of the Christian religion itself. And it was > Paul and his scribes who rewrote the earlier Christian bibles into what > would become the modern bibles. Anyway, I stray off course from > bridging. I want to discuss the bridging of Jesus. Please, this is no place for card games. They're wicked and could lead to gambling. Except for "Water Works", a wholesome family card game from Parker Brothers. I used to play it a lot but I lost the special deck and now I play it with regular cards. > And if memory serves me, Jesus and the Christian religion was a minority > phenomenon up until this Roman emperor, I have forgotten who he was, If memory serves me, I agree that you remember that you forgot that. > but I do remember about some battle on a bridge Was that the one where the Klingons wondered where Kirk was and he'd already beamed down after starting the self-destruct countdown? I never get tired of watching that documentary! > and this Roman emperor was persuaded by some Christian forecast that > he would win and that he should go into battle with flags and banners > of the cross. And by fate this Roman emperor won the battle, and thus, > one could say that Jesus and the Christian religion was born and bridged. Don't forget the part where L. Ron went through the Wall Of Fire as he travelled across The Bridge To Total Freedom(tm). -- K. I was going to say "Scientology could help you with that!" but, Archie, you're so far gone that not even Scientology could help you. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,soc.history.science,alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Needs-A-Hug: Our good pal Archimedes Plutonium! Date: Tue, 1 Jun 1999 07:04:02 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In talk.religion.misc, soc.history.science, alt.religion.kibology, and various other newsgroups, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > [entire text of one of Kibo's articles about how dumb Archie is, > quoted, with no new text added] Hey, Archie, you might want to look into the settings of your newsreader program. It looks like some bozo screwed them up: 1.) Someone's been typing in random strings in your newsreader's "real name" field in order to make it look like you're really inept at forging other people's "From:" headers: > From: Harvard's McIrvin (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) ...I think it's so cute that someone thought they could play a prank on you by setting your newsreader to say "Harvard" and yet they forgot to change the part that has your real address. Or all the other places which say "Dartmouth". > NNTP-Posting-Host: kiewit-pub-bp-96.dartmouth.edu > X-Newsreader: InterNews 2.0.2@kiewit-pub-bp-96.dartmouth.edu[U] > Message-ID: <7itj8c$4po$3@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> I suspect that real articles from Harvard don't say "Dartmouth" all over them. Maybe you should stop letting the kids play with your newsreader. 2.) You've loudly and repeatedly insisted that you never, ever, ever post to "alt." newsgroups, and you posted your response to alt.religion.kibology. Maybe you should read your newsreader program's manual to figure out how to keep this from happening by accident again. I'm sure it would damage your good reputation among the scientific community if people noticed you posting to alt.religion.kibology, a newsgroup filled with crazy wackos. (However, in this case, it probably doesn't count because you forgot to actually say anything other than just repeating the stuff where I said you were an idiot.) "(5) in short I want no association with any alt newsgroups, they take of my time" -- Archimedes Plutonium (March 1998) "But after a couple of years on the Net I outgrew any desire to see any alt newsgroup. I do not want to read any alt post. I am most generally all serious. And can find my laughs in my own serious work. In short, Kibo, I would appreciate you not mentioning my name ever again in any alt. newsgroup. And in fact, I am going to push for a vote or some means of severing the alt hierarchy with the sci. hierarchy. A rift between those hierarchies such that no crossposts between alt and sci newsgroups." -- Archimedes Plutonium (September 1997) 3.) I think your filters are broken. You've said several times that you have your newsreader program set to not show any articles by me, and I think you probably saw that one 'cause you spent all that time replying to it, even though to forgot to include the reply part of the reply. 4.) If you're going to repost other people's articles, maybe you should avoid reposting the ones that summarize as "ARCHIE IS A BOZO!" and concentrate on ones that support your theory that the Universe is a giant plutonium atom at the center of your brain. I'm sure there must be thousands of them on some part of the Internet, 'cause they sure ain't around here. In light of the difficulty you had making that reply: Maybe you should practice making replies by replying to your own articles. You've *NEVER* done that before. And I'm *NOT* being sarcastic. I *LOVE* you. By the way, which of your imaginary friends sent you that letter you were talking about? Was it the same imaginary friend who sent you the imaginary contribution to help you file that imaginary lawsuit against me? By the way, I still don't know whether I ever received the invisible lawsuit or not. Can you please describe what it doesn't look like so I can check whether or not I notice it not sitting in my inbox? Or was it just metaphorical, like the time you claim I toilet-papered your imaginary house? -- K. I remember you said that the lawsuit had gold lettering on it. The big question is, how can you tell invisible gold from regular invisible ink? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Quote of the day Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 08:18:46 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com "Smart guys know that relief comes in yellow." -- tv commercial ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Machine Vision Sensor Provides Quality Control for Cap-On Detector Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 08:25:02 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com In sci.bio.technology, Tim Gallati (tgallati@mainnet.com) advertised: > > Machine Vision Sensor Provides Quality Control for Cap-On Detector > > Engineers from 21st Century recently designed a system called the > Cap-Sure Detector for a pharmaceutical manufacturer. This modular > system is placed over a conveyor and is used for in-line inspection to > determine whether a bottle cap is on a bottle and, if so, whether the > cap is on straight. This is the worst episode of "Laverne & Shirley" ever! -- K. And I'm counting the ones they made after Shirley left the series, including the one where Laverne was trapped in K-Mart with Bob Hope! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The effects of Kibo on the man in the moon marjoram Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Tue, 1 Jun 1999 06:09:40 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Karla (karla@ntcorp.com) wrote: > > Kibo's saga of plants in Kenmore square inspired me. > > I fearlessly trekked off to the not-so-local home depot in order to get > started. I mean, if he can grow lettuce and bleeding hearts in Kenmore > Square, then I should be able to raise a veggies and herbs in the > 'burbs. Wait... when did I move to Kenmore Square? Now I'm confused. Did someone move my apartment a mile up Longwood Ave. without telling me? I didn't seven see the Longwood Galleria (with two l's) go past the window. (Wake me up when I get to the Galeria (with one l) in Harvard Square on the way to the Galleria (with two l's) at Lechmere. > Let's just say the lettuce, peppers and tomatoes are doing great. > Strawberry pot full of parsley and rosemary...mangifico. Damn if I > can't get those chives, basil and dill to get going. > > Perhaps some dried blood or pipe tobacco? > > Oh great Kibo...what do you suggest? Whaddaya mean, you can't get the chives started? Most people have the opposite problem with chives. DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID! HARVEST THEM BEFORE THEY GO TO SEED! Next year, if your entire apartment is filled floor-to-ceiling with chives, remember, YOU WERE WARNED! (Walk through a neighborhood where the homes have tiny front lawns sometime, like the area of Cambridge between Central Square and Micro Center, and note how many yards have little gardens that haven't been tended in ten years -- they're all covered by a mixture of chives, tiger lilies, and stinky lilies of the valley.) I just started some scallions, kohlrabi, radishes, cucumber, and zucchini (all in very small quantities) today. (The local drugstore had a ten-for-a-dollar sale on last year's packets of seeds. The odd thing is that they appear to have been ten-for-a-dollar last year, too, as it's printed on the packet -- apparently they knew last year that nobody was going to buy them then.) Most of my little plants are indoors, with four plant lights pointed at 'em from about a foot away. They seem to like the extra light, although these heat lamps make me wilt. (If you're driving through Mission Hill, the window with the Taco Bell-colored light streaming from it all night is mine.) Oddly, I'm getting some of the best results from the Mystery Plants which have appeared out of nowhere (don't pay extra from sterilized soil, get the cheap kind which guarantees all kinds of weird green things will sprout.) Mystery Plant #1 is now about eight inches tall and looks like it'll be some kind of sissy flower. Mystery Plant #2 is much smaller and could be turning into a radish or turnip or other thing with reddish coloration, the international symbol for "poison". Four of the cacti have sprouted, and show no signs of getting larger within the next ten years. I think they'll stay the size of commas forever. I plucked one out because it was right at the edge of the pot and didn't want it to turn into a semicircular cactus in ten years. Anyway, if *I* can sprout cactus from seeds, ANYONE can sprout ANYTHING from seeds. (The secret is to soak 'em in a glass of water for 24 hours before planting. Many vegetables will even start germinating while they're floating in the water. Just don't try bitter gourds if you want to see your seeds sprout within the first month.) I planted some of the first batch of seeds in homemade pots with inadequate (no) drainage, made from the bottom halves of gallon water bottles; now fuzzy white mold's growing on top of the soil along with the plants. So be sure to get pots that have little holes in the bottom, then put a big saucer under them. I hope i'm not overwatering them. I won't know until they die. If they start dying of overwatering, I'll just have to cut back on the water until they start dying of underwatering. Then I'll have found the limits of tolerance and I'll draw a Plimsoll line on each pot. I HAVE NOW SAID "PLIMSOLL LINE" MORE TIMES ON THE INTERNET THAN THE ENTIRE CAST OF "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" COMBINED! -- K. Combined, they'd be a really fat guy with a red and blue shirt, an ascot tie, high heels, and a drinking problem. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The effects of Kibo on the man in the moon marjoram Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 03:59:13 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "M. Otis Beard" (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > Nick S Bensema wrote: > > > > They say in Douglas, AZ, the pollution has so messed up the environment > > that the only thing that'll grow much anymore is mint. And they have > > mint lawns. We got a big patch of mint in the backyard, it's not much > > fun to run across and play even with the weathered feet of an adult. > > > Eeeewwwww! > > He seemed like such a nice, quiet boy, but when the police searched his > bedroom, they found all kinds of grisly trophies from his many kills. Rest > easy, Arizona. . . the killer police dubbed "The White Shadow" has been > apprehended at last. Speaking of running around with severed feet under your arm, today at the pet store I saw Puppy Drumsticks. POOR SPOT!!! Also it turns out he tastes like chicken. They also had chicken-flavored and beef-flavored toothpaste. Apparently if your dog has beef breath you have to brush his teeth with the chicken toothpaste, and vice versa. They can't just make mint toothpaste for dogs because no dog could possibly like mint. Then down the aisle I saw the Mint Flavored Tennis Balls which said they were irresistible to dogs. I think the pet accessory companies are run by people who have no idea what dogs like the taste of. But I know that someone, somewhere, is tasting these products because they sell artificial mouse flavor (to put on snake food) and the label assures me that it tastes exactly like real mice. SOMEWHERE, A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN LAB COATS PUT EVERY POSSIBLE CHEMICAL INTO THEIR MOUTHS IN EVERY POSSIBLE COMBINATION UNTIL THEY FOUND THE ONES THAT WAS MOUSY ENOUGH. -- K. At least they didn't have anything that was Jar Jar Binks flavored. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The effects of Kibo on the man in the moon marjoram Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 05:27:44 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David J. Crowe (crowe@radiks.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Whaddaya mean, you can't get the chives started? Most people have > > the opposite problem with chives. DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID! > > HARVEST THEM BEFORE THEY GO TO SEED! Next year, if your entire apartment > > is filled floor-to-ceiling with chives, remember, YOU WERE WARNED! > > True. The only way to get rid of chives is to dig up all of the bulbs. > The following year more will pop up in the same spot, so dig up the bulbs > again. Repeat for approximately 25 years and eventually you _may_ get rid > of the little critters for good. Chives have bulbs? Who woulda thunk it... an ONION with a BULB! -- K. The way I solved the problem was just to move to a different state. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.theory,sci.psychology.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Why does the mind remember a movie longer than a book Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3096 centons, 67 microns, 0.02 lutefisk Date: Tue, 1 Jun 1999 07:20:53 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor If-You-Read-Headers-You-Might-Read-Anything-So-Have-A-Url: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.psychology.theory and sci.physchology.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > The thought occurred to me that we remember movies much longer than we > remember books. It occurred to me that this question is important to > the Brain Locus theory. I'm sorry to hear that your brain is filled with locusts. I suppose that would explain all the strange noises inside it. > [...] > > But getting back to this movie memory lasting much longer than book > memory. In the book memory experience it is our own mind that conjures > up pictures and imaginations of what we read. But in a movie, we see > pictures and we receive text (spoken text) along with the pictures. So, > the opposite of the black-box experiment is that when we are bombarded > with photons (movie picture sequence) our minds are filled with photon > thoughts, instead of our minds depleted of photons in the book reading > versus the movie picture watching. Um, Archie, you might want to consider that most books bounce zillions of photons into people's eyes when they read them. Unless, of course, you're mistakenly assuming that everyone in the world is blind. However, I've heard theories built on shakier assumptions. Like the one about how the Universe is a giant plutonium atom inside some crazy diswasherperson's brain. (I hope the locusts don't eat it.) > More food for thought... more later Oh, good, Archie's about to post his list of all the different kinds of candy and wine he bought at the campus convenience store today. Someday this is going to start a craze of people tuning in to the Internet just so they can print out Archie's grocery list and eat exactly the same stuff as him. After all, there are uses for such a diet. "YES, YOUR HONOR, I KILLED BOB HOPE, BUT I SHOULD NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE BECAUSE, WELL, LOOK AT MY GROCERY LIST..." -- K. Hey, these Lindt chocolates have no D in them! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.relativity,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Parry on Harvard's Glashow Re: Why does the mind Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 06:58:45 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.physics and sci.physics.relativity, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > From: Harvard's McIrvin (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) > Newsgroups: sci.physics.relativity,sci.physics > Subject: Parry on Harvard's Glashow Re: Why does the mind > Message-ID: <7j1d8m$uf$1@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> > > In article (kibo-0106990320530001@ppp0b124.std.com) > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > Sender: Matthew J McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) > Approved: sci.physics.research (mmcirvin@world.std.com) Um, Arch, something for you to jot in your mental notebook -- When attempting to forge a Usenet message, people expect a wise scientist like you to be able to do better when attempting to write Internet articles under other people's names. 1.) The headers all go above the blank line. Typing them down below doesn't make 'em "take". 2.) I still don't think anyone's going to believe you're at Harvard if you can't figure out how to change the "@dartmouth.edu" part of your "From:" header. 3.) When attempting to fabricate quoted material from someone else, it's a bad idea to give the actual Message-ID of the article you're misquoting so that people can look up (kibo-0106990320530001@ppp0b124.std.com). We really expect you to be able to forge better, what with you being The King Of All Sciences and all. [Archie claims I wrote:] > > > I'm sorry to hear that your brain is filled with locusts. I suppose > > that would explain all the strange noises inside it. > > Sheldon L. Glashow, Higgins Professor of Physics > > Physics Harvard University > > Faculty of the Department of Physics That's odd, I remember writing the part of that where I insinuated where you just might be an idiot, but I don't recall being a distinguished professor of physics when I wrote it. Thank you. Also, another thing to jot in your mental notebook: 4.) When fabricating quotes from someone who just called you an idiot, you might want to take out the part where the other guy calls you an idiot rather than just dropping random names. For instance, if I were to say "Archimedes Plutonium has an ingrown head!" then it would be SMART for you to say "Kibo just said: > > Archimedes Plutonium DOESN'T HAVE an ingrown head!" but it would be DUMB for you to say "Kibo just said: > > Archimedes Plutonium has an ingrown head! > I agree! -- Albert Einstein" although I can't speak for Einstein, what with him being dead and all, and even if he were here he'd probably be too busy to call you an idiot. So, please jot the above in your mental notebook. (NOTE TO ALL EXCEPT ARCHIE: The reason I keep asking him to jot things in his "mental notebook" is that I suspect there's a good chance this bozo will think he should drill a hole into his forehead and stick a pencil in.) [Archie wrote:] > > My guess is that the entire Boston area does not have one medical > doctor to treat the psychotic stalker Parry. Yeah, I heard they all went up to Dartmouth to study some guy with an ingrown head. -- K. P.S. Also, if Albert Einstein were alive, I'm sure he'd be disgusted by the way you dress. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Reason #877581 that "Star Wars Episode Eye" mechandise is dumb Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Tue, 1 Jun 1999 07:42:27 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor ...although the people who buy it are, presumably, even dumber. Why? Well, yesterday at the bookstore I saw a rack of ID cards that you could buy to identify yourself as an evil Sith Lord of the Dark Side of the Force. In the movies, all of 'em are named "Darth This" and "Darth That". So, the back of the card had a space for you to write your evil name: Name: Darth ______________________________ That's right, when Mr. Evil Sith Lord Darth Bonzo buys himself an ID card at Waldenbooks, Darth Bonzo is too dumb to realize that he's supposed to sign his name "Darth Bonzo" and not "Mister Bonzo" now that he's become a Darth. -- K. I think there should be a Darth Darth. And he'd put Jane Fonda inside a giant organ and make her listen to Simon LeBon music. P.S. I still like that the people who wrote the screenplay for "Blade Runner" apparently thought that Phil Dick's "Penfield mood organ" was a kind of piano. DUSTIN HOFFMAN WOULD'VE GOTTEN THAT RIGHT! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.theory,sci.bio.technology,sci.psychology.misc,sci.physics.cond-matter,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Brain Locus theory and memory Re: movies versus text Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 06:05:39 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.psychology.theory, sci.bio.technology, sci.psychology.misc, and sci.physics.cond-matter, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Getting back to the brain locus theory. Until recent I had only > thought of experimenting with black boxes, but now I realize that > experiments from the other direction would be much easier. CUT TO: (A tiny ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM is running through a maze.) ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM Help meee, help meeeeeee! (Watching him over the walls of the maze is a giant BLACK BOX.) BLACK BOX Har har har. CUT TO ARTIFICIAL COFFEE COMMERCIAL. > [...] > > Can a red blood cell have some heavy metal atom such as uranium or > lead replace the iron atom in a red blood cell? ANNOUNCER We've secretly replaced Archie's red blood cells with radioactive Folger's Crystals. Let's watch. (STOCK FOOTAGE: Enormous mushroom cloud.) BLACK BOX Archie go boom! Tee-hee! -- K. I really hate those smug black boxes that say "Tee-hee". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.psychotherapy,sci.physics,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Parry on Harvard's David R. Nelson Re: Brain Locus theory Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 08:42:47 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.psychology.psychotherapy, sci.physics, and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) made another attempt to insert the names of random physicists into a quote from me: > From: Harvard's McIrvin (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) > Message-ID: <7j2o3j$rks$1@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> > > In article (kibo-0206990205390001@ppp0b121.std.com) > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > Sender: Matthew J McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) > Approved: sci.physics.research (mmcirvin@world.std.com) > > > Physics Harvard University > > > > Faculty of the Department of Physics > > > > David R. Nelson, Mallinckrodt Professor of Physics and Professor of > > Applied Physics (Chair and > > Director of Graduate Studies) > > (Watching him over the walls of the maze is a giant BLACK BOX.) Arch, why did you stick the name of the guy from "NewsRadio" into my article? Besides, I don't think he claims to be a physicist. Maybe if you want to make fun of him you should go on about how he broke up "The Kids In The Hall" because he kept trying to make them all wear dresses and Scott Thompson didn't want to. [Archie wrote:] > > I still suspect that the Boston area does not have a psychologist > that can recognize nor to treat the psychotic stalker of Parry. Why? As long has he's at Dartmouth I'm not afraid of him. > Perhaps in the next century, the "Boston town" or area may attract a resident > psychologist that is able to recognize sick people and begin to treat them. Hey, Arch, maybe you should study psychiatry as eagerly as you did physics. After all, you mastered physics and proclaimed yourself The King Of Physics. With a little work, and a psychiatry textbook, you could proclaim yourself The King Of Crazy People. -- K. Or you could go the quicker route of posting to the Internet under other people's names so that people think you have multiple- personality disorder. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: French... in ACTION! Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 06:43:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > I mentioned the silent letters. They've scared me before. But at > the end of Lesson 2, Capretz showed us something really neat, and > it looked like this, and the syllables appeared as he read it: > > xo x o xo xo > co mment ca va? > > xo x o x o xo xo > co mmen t a llez- vous? So, French really is the language of luv, given that it consists of alternating kisses and hugs. I never can remember which is which, though. Is a kiss pronounced "EX!!!" or "OH!!!!"? > ["Let's Learn French"] will go unsurpassed until William Shatner > teaches Esperanto. I think it would be better if William Shatner suffered a cranial injury and turned into Cowboy X from "Sesame Street" and went around shouting "EX!!! EX!!! EX!!!" while kissing the townsfolk. Including Tonto. -- K. THIS HAS BEEN A TRIBUTE TO LENNY BRUCE, AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BERT & ERNIE BEING SO OBVIOUSLY GAY, OR DO CUTTING- EDGE POLITICAL HUMOR ABOUT "BEBE RAPOSO". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Beacon Hill EVIL!!!!!! Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 07:02:46 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor (For the uninitiated, Beacon Hill is the supposedly ritzy neighborhood in Boston which gets its reputation by having gas-fueld streetlamps and a mandatory cast-iron bootscraper on every doorstep. In truth, it's filled with incredibly tiny apartments that are pretty cruddy. You know, like in New York City.) "Lots42" (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > In a 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' original novel trilogy, one of the settings > is a house on Beacon Hill. It's hidden from sight by magic and it's purpose > is to tie up and keep captive any non-hell bad stuff that leaks into our > world. So, this was written during the year that the cast of MTV's "The Real World" was cooped up in a well-hidden house on Beacon Hill? -- K. Also, I hear that the exact replica of the Addams Family house on Beacon Hill was constructed by an eccentric Internet magnate who signs his posts with "Also, I hear that the exact replica of the Addams"--OH WHAT A GIVEAWAY! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Today's tale of bad supermarket DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR etiquette! Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 07:09:49 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor You must recall the stories I've told about the "paranoid bars" at the Prudential Star market that were made from rolled-up paper bags with the words "DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR" written on them in magic marker. Well, lately I've been going to the Jackson Square Stop & Shop more often, in part because they have real plastic sticks you can use, not just rolled-up paper bags, and in part because, unlike Star, they have some food I like. So, I've put my four items (all meat) on the black rubber conveyor belt at the "12 ITEMS OR LESS" checkout lane. There were two beige plastic paranoid bars sitting in that little trough where they live when not in use (you can't just leave them LYING ON THE BELT! Then it would CONFUSE THE CASHIER if they were between INVISIBLE GROCERIES!) There was a guy behind me, and my groceries fit easily on one end of the belt, so I was kind enough to push them all the way forwards and put one of the two paranoid bars behind them. The guy puts his groceries on the belt behind mine and... takes my paranoid bar and puts it behind his groceries. Not only did he ignore the secondary backup paranoid bar still sitting happily in its little moat, but he TOOK MY BAR. Then he shoved his groceries a couple inches closer to mine because he didn't want them to be contaminated by being near the paranoid bar. So, what is it about these plastic sticks that makes otherwise ordinary bozos turn into converyor-belt gerrymanderers? I was the first person to say "gerrymanderers", ever, I win! -- K. The circular Bread & Circus has rubber paranoid bars that are all floppy and probably organic. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Wet Dreams May Come Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 07:25:51 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Nick S Bensema (nickb@primenet.com) wrote: > > Has Shatner ever done a sex scene? Or has he just put his boots back on? Do you mean the scene with Ernest Borgnine as Satan? Or the scene where his wife says robotically, "Should I fake my orgasms?" in "Airplane II"? (Yes, that's Marcy Lafferty, aka Melanie Shatner's mom. She also has one line in "Star Trek: The Motion Picture", "Con... firmed, vessel is, floating? free! no for, ward... mo? mentum.") I think she should get together with Jane Badler and Claudia Christian: MARCY LAFFERTY: No for, ward... mo? mentum. JANE BADLER: PAH-leeeeeeeze, DAH-ling, so-WER grapes are OUT of SEEEEEE-son. CLAUDIA CHRISTIAN: Nook-you-lar. JACK PALANCE: I forget what kind of bomb this movie is, but I remember it ended with... NOOK-YOU-LARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! (MOVIE EXPLODES) -- K. Also splice in the moment from "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" where Kirk says "Oh, my, God?" after the Transporter accident, followed by the moment where Nicole Kidman says "Oh, my, God?" when Robin's parents fall off the trapeze in "Batman Forever". Then cut to an extreme close-up of Kevin Costner for six hours with the sound of flies buzzing at ten billion decibels. THEN TITLE IT "STAR WARS: EPISODE TWO" AND MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY CANADA!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: What if... Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 08:07:02 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor What if Larry Linville, Ted Knight, and Gale Gordon did a sitcom together? Where the three of them got married? And had a baby? Which one of them would be the father, which would be the mother, and which would be the wacky neighbor? How many evil twins would the three of them have? And how would the opening sequence indicate that the three guys who had a baby together weren't gay? Why would this show get cancelled in its twenty-seventh season? Why is Ted Knight still dead? I need to know by tomorrow or I'll get colitis. -- K. It said so in TV Guide. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Do turds continue to live...? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.01 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 08:21:04 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In alt.folklore.urban, Wim Lewis (wiml@netcom.com) wrote: > > Paul Graham (proy@millersfield.demon.co.uk) wrote: > > > > I was just wondering. Seeing as turds contain rather a large amount of > > human DNA, is it possible for them to continue to exist once outside the > > body? Insane? Not as you might think. It's quite feasible. > > If turds didn't continue to exist once outside the body, we wouldn't need > toilets. At least, not toilets as large as the ones we have. (I'm assuming > that since urine doesn't contain any DNA, it's not insane for it to exist > outside the body?) The question should not be whether poopies are still alive after they've left your body, the question is what's going through the poopies' brains while they're living inside you. -- K. I'm surprised there aren't any TV commercials which hawk products to intelligent doots. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,nh.general,alt.cult.movies From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: GRAVITATION. THE EXPERIMENTAL FACTS Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Wed, 2 Jun 1999 09:37:24 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology [on the subject of "Doctor Who"'s middle name] Richard E. Nickle (rick@trystero.com) wrote: > > Did they ever show Doctor Who in England? I would think English > people would love it with all the English accents and all. It is > amazing how British they all sound, and the neat 'Anglo' hairstyles > and bric-a-brac really give it a "Limey" feel. > > Of course, they might not understand some of the phrases like > 'Sonic Screwdriver'. Perhaps they could dub in a translation > like 'Audible Spanner'. > > Of course, a lot gets lost in any kind of translation. Almost > as bad as when they remade "The Magnificent Seven" in Japanese. > On the other hand, that was a big break for Toshiro Mifune, who > would later go on to play Chekov on ST:TOS. "Jack" (jack@threeindians.com) wrote: > > The Doctor Who shows were originally produced by the BBC in England. > Why do you thing [sic] they have those accents in the first place? > > Toshiro Mifune never appeared in any Star Trek films. > > Chekov was played in all instances by Walter Koenig. Theo Mora (theomora@math.fsu.edu) wrote: > > YM [you misspelled] "Toshiro Hope" "Jack" (jack@threeindians.com) wrote: > > Am I the only one who hasn't a clue what this guy is trying to say? Dude, "Theo" is so obviously a _girl's_ name. You owe her an apology. Paul Guertin (pg@sff.net) wrote: > > "Mifune" means "Hope" in Japanese, just like "Kibo" means "Three > boats". Mifune this helps! > > My favorite Japanese actor on Star Trek was Kobayashi Maru, the > no-win evil crow. Captain James T. Kirk (*) managed to defeat it > but only by cheating. > > (*) The T stands for Toshiro. I think you're confusing "Star Wars" with "Star Trek". "Star Trek" didn't have anyone with a T in his name. -- K. The T stood for Toupee. Also, please stop talking about gravitation in this "Star Trek" chat room! This chat room is not for nerds! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibological influence at Nickelodeon? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 05:06:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Sean Smith (smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu) wrote: > > The June 2 NY Times "Arts" section carries a brief note on some new shows > slated to debut this year on Nickelodeon. One of them is titled > "Sponge Bob Square Pants." > Let's say it again slowly, shall we? "It again slowly," Gracie! > Sponge > Bob > Square > Pants And the funny part is that Bob's butt isn't even square. IT'S A RHOMBUS!!! > According to a Nickelodeon spokeshumanoid quoted in the article, the series > is centered around an "'incurably optimistic and earnest sea sponge' Oh. Doug Henning! > who lives in a two-story pineapple at the bottom of a tropical sea." > > Until it is proven otherwise beyond the shadow of a doubt, I will be firm > in my belief that someone from the Nickelodeon programming department was > browsing through Kibo's "Virtual New England Aquarium Tour" with a mite > too many scorpion bowls under his or her belt. Hey, it's all the same water. I'm glad I hadn't posted my photo of the sign advertising Amtrak with the slogan "WE'RE CHANGING HOW YOU EXPERIENCE TIME!" or it would have been a six-hour show. Directed by Kevin Costner. On Thorazine. Right after his puppy got run over. > No mention in the article as to who's providing the voices for the show. > Somehow I think Hans Conried will not be one of them. I think maybe we should be trying to find Andy Dick work. Also, we should be trying to get that Matt Frewer/Dan Aykroyd show about how ghosts are real cancelled. By Andy Dick's new show. In which he and Kelsey Grammer would have an auto race every week. AND THEN THEY'D RUN OVER KEVIN COSTNER'S PUPPY!!! > Sean ("...and Jerry Mathers as 'Death Crab'!") Smith -- K. I was gonna say "AND THEN THEY'D RUN INTO JAYNE MANSFIELD'S HEAD!" but that was too dark. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: soc.history.science,sci.physics,sci.math,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 05:17:23 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In talk.religion.misc, soc.history.science, sci.physics, and sci.math, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Pertti Lounesto (lounesto@pop.hit.fi) writes: > > > > Proofs are more general and useful than counterexamples. > > I agree. Prove it! > Pertti, I need an additional Internet account for insurance. I am > having frustrations and difficulties with this Dartmouth account. > Already I have been curtailed in what I can 'freedom-of-speech' post. > One example, just one, is the thread I posted that Dartmouth needs to > re-assess their habit of copper roofs on buildings. I have posted that > copper is 10 times more expensive than baked-on enamel roofs, 100 times > shorter lifespan than baked-on enamel, and 1,000 times uglier than > baked-on enamel. Have you tried Efferdent? For best results, after taking out your perfectly geometrical dentures to dip then in the jar of blueberries inside the kiln, you should then swallow about ten Efferdent tablets, eat a pound of Pop Rocks, and then drink a warm Dr Pepper. > I like to be 100% free in what I deem to post, and to > have 0% restrictions or constraints upon what I post. Already, I have > been constrained into not mentioning Dartmouth in my posts. I didn't quite catch that. What's the name of the college you can't mention? Something starting with "D" and ending with "artmouth"? > I would like to have a Internet account with Helsinki Institute of > Technology, where I can ftp to Helsinki and then post to the Internet > from that Helsinki account. Already, my two main websites are one from > a friend in Sweden and another from a Russian friend in the USA. Since > I am here at Dartmouth, Dartmouth is too close to the epicenter of ^ ^ ding! | ding! > revolutionary science, and it is easy for Dartmouth to make the wrong > moves. I need the insurance to continue my posts of science. And since > I know no-one except you Pertti, at H.I.T., that would be ideal, > because I then would not need to improve the place, as I need to > improve Dartmouth from its lower rungs. Dartmouth has rungs? Archie thinks that Dartmouth is a game of "Snakes & Ladders"? Odd, I always figured he thought it was "Candyland". -- K. And now, a tribute to the late genius, Benny Hill: What comes out of Scooby-Doo's butt and sounds like a bell? RUNGGGGGG!!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Sat, 5 Jun 1999 06:01:35 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > > Kyle Flood (kflood@gulf.uvic.ca) wrote: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry made fun of Archmides Plutonium quite mercilessly ... > > > > > > [much snippage] > > > > I've only been reading this nwsgroup for a short while, but this Archimedes > > guy seems like a bit of a git. > > Is it just me or do the dancing bears seem to be in an infinitely long > conga line? Worse -- all cosmic strings are now made out of dancing bears. And quarks now come in watermelon, green apple, strawbana, wildberry, and buttered popcorn flavors. -- K. And they taste like Pop Rocks, even before you put them in your mouth. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 03:51:38 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology "Kyle Flood" (kflood@gulf.uvic.ca) wrote: > > I've only been reading this nwsgroup for a short while, but this Archimedes > guy seems like a bit of a git. ^ | I think you misspelled "wit". Also, you forgot the "nit-". -- K. But could a nitwit wash dishes as well as he does? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 07:56:49 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Pertti Lounesto (Pertti.Lounesto@hut.fi) wrote: > > James Kibo Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [on Archimedes Plutonium's complains about baked-on stains] > > > > Have you tried Efferdent? > > > > For best results, after taking out your perfectly geometrical dentures > > to dip then in the jar of blueberries inside the kiln, you should then > > swallow about ten Efferdent tablets, eat a pound of Pop Rocks, and then > > drink a warm Dr Pepper. > > Should I buy stocks of Efferdent? Now that the cohort of > the baby boom begins to drop its teeth, Efferdent might be > the solution to becoming rich. How much should I invest? Well, it depends. I mean, maybe they won't be able to afford health care in their old age and will just eat applesauce. You might want to think about investing all your money in rancid apples (you don't think they make applesauce out of the GOOD apples, do you?) or companies that make high-tech precision machines that step on apples. Of course, there are plenty of other gerontologically-related things you could invest in, like the Reader's Digest, Slim Whitman albums, and any TV show starring Barbara Bain. -- K. Of course, I'm concealing the truth about Efferdent being used to power spaceships, because I want all that space fizz money to myself. I don't want to start a space fizz buzz. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,soc.history.science,sci.physics,sci.math,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 04:23:40 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In talk.religion.misc, soc.history.science, sci.physics, and sci.math, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Pertti Lounesto (Pertti.Lounesto@hut.fi) wrote: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > Have you [Archie] tried Efferdent? > > > > > > For best results, after taking out your perfectly geometrical dentures > > > to dip then in the jar of blueberries inside the kiln, you should then > > > swallow about ten Efferdent tablets, eat a pound of Pop Rocks, and then > > > drink a warm Dr Pepper. > > > > Should I buy stocks of Efferdent? Now that the cohort of > > the baby boom begins to drop its teeth, Efferdent might be > > the solution to becoming rich. How much should I invest? > > Pertti, you may have spoiled my fun. Waah! And I wanted to be the one to ruin Archie's fun. Oh well, Pertti, I guess you win the bet. You can collect the $10 next time I'm in Finland. > Kibo is only good when he is looney kook, not a calmed down kook. I sense thousands of .signature files being edited right this minute. > I had him on a roll there, I don't care what kind of sandwich you ordered, as long as you swallow a whole box of Efferdent, the Pop Rocks, and the warm Dr Pepper. Then do jumping-jacks for three hours. In a vacuum. > and you might of deflated him. He is never funny until he starts talking > seriously, showing off his knowledge on memorized TV stars. I guess he > dreamed of being a TV star and failed. Yeah, they won't let me on public-access 'cause I'm not crazy enough. They checked my hands for wear and said "Looks like you've never washed a dish in your life!" and kicked me out. > Anyway, I needed Kibo raving mad for this act of my new movie. I'm sorry, Archie, but I'm already under exclusive contract to George Lucas. If you want me to be in your ''movie'' you'll have to buy the rights from him. Unless, of course, this is the kind of ''movie'' which is only projected on the inside of your head, in which case you can fantasize about me all that you want, as long as you stay inside that little snow-globe with the hospital. OH DEAR, I DROPPED A TV REFERENCE. NOW SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT TO ARCH. > I do not have a title for it as yet. This title sounds too arrogant: > ============================================================= > PAINTING HARVARD: Dear what was the name of that school, > the one AP had caused to be folded down? Was it Harold? > ============================================================= I like the way at the end of you cleverly altered the name of the school you ruined forever, 'cause you know that George Lucas already has a trademark on every word beginning "Dart" and ending "h". > I think you frightened off my kook, Pertti. And I can't finish this > movie in a timely manner. Aw, poor baby. ARCHIE'S IMAGINARY MOVIE WENT OVER BUDGET! By the way, Arch, do you often find Finns frightening? -- K. I hope someday he discovers Canadians. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.edu,sci.math,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Parry on Harvard's Bershadsky and Coleman Re: Bridging factor in history of science Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Sat, 5 Jun 1999 06:33:25 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.edu, sci.math, and sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > Pertti Lounesto (Pertti.Lounesto@hut.fi) wrote: > > > > Archie wrote (under someone else's name): > > > > > > UIUC, Univ of Illinois at Champagne-Urbana, > > > > Does Cognac-Harvard taste better than Champagne-Urbana? > > A good question that is probably too tough for the august members of > either sci math or physics. > I do not know where they got the name Harvard; I don't like it > because it does not roll off the mouth easy. Unlike, say, "Champagne-Urbana", where the Uneversitey of Illenoys is located. I think Harvard's a perfectly good name because it's so simple that even you can spell it. > The "v" causes the over emphasis on the first "r" and splits the word > into two. If it had been named Harry, then there would not be any problems > with it. Yep, I'm glad you've just proven that "Harry" is only one syllable. Just out of curiosity, Archie, how do you pronounce the names of these popular Boston subway stops? Government Center Boylson Charles/MGH Bowdoin ...my mistake, Bowdoin's not popular because it's never open. But here are the answers for the others: "Government Center" is a total of four syllables. "Boylston" is at least three distinct syllables, with heavy stress on the schwa. "Charles/MGH" is pronounced while standing next to Fran Drescher who shouts "MAAAAAASS EYE ANNNNND EEEEAR INFIRRRRRMARRRRRRY!!!!" > Fast and simple and no tongue twister. Or they could have named it Harbird. Isn't that Harlan Ellison's corporate entity? With the cork-lined comic-book vault? > I a annoyed by these few lettered words that are so nettlesome to pronounce. You mean like "are"? > I do not know why you chose Cognac, perhaps because Champagne starts > with "C". THIS HAS BEEN A MUPPET NEWS FLASH! Although I don't think you'd make a good Kermit. Kermit's head is squishy, but not THAT squishy. > I would have chosen Vodka because of the "v" in Harvard. What's the meterological term for the windstorm caused by thousands of people russing to update their .signatures? -- K. I would have chosen Perdue because of the "P" in their pool. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.psychotherapy,sci.physics.fusion,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Parry on Harvard's Bershadsky and Coleman Re: Bridging factor in history of science Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 08:58:45 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.psychology.psychotherapy, sci.physics.fusion, and sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote under someone else's name: > > It is ironic how Harvard is supposed to be a top notch school, and > yet when they fail to produce anything worthwhile in physics, they send > out their hired psychotic stalker such as Parry. And whereas other > places will not tolerate a stalker for long such as UIUC, Univ of > Illinois at Champagne-Urbana, such as Tim Skirvin, a place like > Boston's Harvard does not seem to have any medical doctors to treat > this psychopathic stalker. Even though Boston environs has perhaps 100 > times the number of psychologists to treat stalkers, UIUC does a better > job with fewer. A partial answer is that the Midwest has better > commonsense. I think the main reason behind Harvard's stalker is that > when Boston's Harvard has nothing to show in physics, Um, Archie? Hello, King of Science? Knock-knock! Harvard ain't in Boston. It's in Cambridge. You know, the town they named after the Oxford environs because Harvard was in it. Where it's been about three hundred years. Now, Emerson, they're in Boston. But it's not like it's easy to make fun of them. I mean, I'd have to have gotten a sitcom-writing degree there or something. Other Boston schools you might care to make fun of are Boston University, where John Silber was, and Boston College, where the football team gets in so much trouble you'd think they were in the NFL, and Northeastern University, where I saw Michael Dukakis actually smile last week. And U-Mass, where at least ten students die every year by falling off the tops of the elevators or by being boiled alive riding the conveyor belt through the dishwasher. (This may surprise you, Archie, but some schools have enough money to buy a machine to wash dishes instead of just paying a few bucks to a guy they hired from the local nuthouse.) And Berklee College of Music, which has the most god-awful lettering on the side of their building, where some letters slant about five times as much as a sans-serif italic should, but others don't slant at all. Oh, and Fisher Junior College. But I don't know if they've yet gotten real nameplates on their buildings to replace the ones that had part of the name scraped off to say "Fisher ###### College". That's just the tip of the iceberg, there are plenty of other colleges to make fun of in Boston. But attempting to make fun of Harvard without even figuring out what city it's in, why, that's like if I attempted to make fun of "all the crazy people at Dartmouth" without first doing enough research to ascertain that there was only one. > they send out their psycho stalkers to defecate and urinate on that > which they could not produce. The envy effect So you're saying that when Harvard students are constipated, they poop on poop? That doesn't make much sense. I think you just said something stupid. And stop saying "poop" in this family chat room! -- K. I was going to say that Archie had logorrhea but I couldn't think of a clever way to get from his poo-poo fixation to logorrhea. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 09:08:40 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In talk.religion.misc, soc.history.science, sci.physics, and sci.math, Pertti Lounesto (Pertti.Lounesto@hut.fi) wrote: > > Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) wrote: > > > > I would like to have a Internet account with Helsinki Institute of > > Technology, where I can ftp to Helsinki and then post to the Internet > > from that Helsinki account. [...] And since > > I know no-one except you Pertti, at H.I.T., that would be ideal, > > because I then would not need to improve the place, as I need to > > improve Dartmouth from its lower rungs. > > To get an Internet account at H.I.T., you must either enroll as > a student or apply for a faculty position. To become a student, > you must pass the entrance examination and be present in > classes, but there is no tuition fee. To become a faculty member, > you must give a demonstration lecture in Finnish or Swedish > (Swedish would probably be a lot easier for you as it is so close > to English). The advantage of teaching in Finland is that students > do not bother you during your office hours as they do not exist. Speaking of things that don't exist in Finland, I suppose you don't get those really goofy commercials for Finlandia "Swiss" cheese that I've started seeing in the United States. This guy goes to a deli and asks for a turkey-and-cheese sandwich. The deli clerk looks all uncooperative and rude, until the guy clarifies that he wants FINLANDIA Swiss cheese. Then the clerk is happy and spends the next several minutes making the best sandwich possible, and takes a photograph of it. I think the implication is that the clerk is thinking, "Wow! Am I ever happy that someone's finally buying this junk so I can get rid of it!" So, does Finnish TV show any dumb commercials for American cheese? -- K. And does the phrase "American cheese" make people giggle in most countries? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bridging factor in history of science Re: letter to Archimedes Plutonium, 20MAY99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 08:42:50 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.physics, David P Murdock (murdock@tntech.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > In talk.religion.misc, soc.history.science, sci.physics, and sci.math, > > Pertti Lounesto (Pertti.Lounesto@hut.fi) wrote: > > > > > > The advantage of teaching in Finland is that students > > > do not bother you during your office hours as they do not exist. > > > > Speaking of things that don't exist in Finland, I suppose you don't > > get those really goofy commercials for Finlandia "Swiss" cheese that > > I've started seeing in the United States. > > > > So, does Finnish TV show any dumb commercials for American cheese? > > An intriguing question. But here's what I'm wondering: If late-nite > info-mercials tell Americans they can re-grow hair by using the Helsinki > Formula, are Finns told on *their* late-nite TV that they can re-grow > hair by using the Washington D.C. Formula? > > And if so, who is the Finnish equivalent of Robert Vaughn? Hmm. If such a one-to-one correspondence between the U.S. and Finland exists, then Finland must be hiding a whole lot of things from the rest of the world. Like, we're "the U.S.", "the U.S.A.", "the U.S. of A.", "The United States", "The United States of America", and "America", and they're just "Finland" and "Sosumi". (They refer to their country by the latter name because John Lennon threatened to sue them.) > > -- K. > > > > And does the phrase "American cheese" > > make people giggle in most countries? > > ---DPM > Trying desperately to be 1/10 as > funny as Kibo. Oh, if only I could be that funny. Unfortunately, I'm not even 1/10 as funny as myself. -- K. And now, to prove that I am not funny, I will say something about particle physics: Today at an educational toy store I saw a "Glueball" on sale. The instructions said they would break if stretched past their elastic limit. Well, duh, did they think I expected things to keep stretching after they exceeded their elastic limit? I was going to buy a Glueball, but then I dropped it on the floor and it got quarks stuck to it, and I couldn't get them off, so I just went home and watched TV because I was tired of looking at little red, blue, and green dots. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.culture.internet,alt.culture.usenet From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Favorite screwdriver Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 08:03:37 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Paul Guertin (pg@sff.net) wrote: > > Do you have a favorite screwdriver? Let's hear all about it! And by dropping those eleven fizzy little words into the genetic pool of the Internet, Paul Guertin invented perpetual motion. -- K. My screwdriver is a Flintstones screwdriver which I have to power by spinning my feet wildly at five frames per second, and inside it has a tiny German factory worker from 1927 who says "It's a living! Between the mind that plans there must be a mediator... THE HEART!" and then DeForest Kelley's eyes well with tears as they play the "Star Trek" theme and Popeye's pipe goes "TOOT TOOT!" Also, it's shaped like a Giant H. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Is this a Sign? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 08:07:11 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Theresa Willis (twillis@sound.net) wrote: > > I seem to have just acquired an over-stuffed bag of Cheez-its > from the vending machine. I'm hoping this means I'm gonna have > good karma today. Ah, but Master Ki Bo is wiser than you because Ki Bo says that the more Cheez-its in the bag, the less cheese is in the bag. THE THE MASTER HIT THE NOVICE WITH A CREAM PIE AND DUNKED THE NOVICE IN BLEACH. THEN THE NOVICE WAS ENLIGHTENED. -- K. WAAH! I'M BEING REPLACED BY MURRAY THE COP! ANTI-DIAGRAM -> (You know, from "Mad About You".) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: CALL ME NOW !!! 1-473-408-8317 54806 Go away Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 08:11:13 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote: > > [Short Shameful Confession] > > I named my cat "Spam" before I knew what spam, aka UCE [unsolicited > commercial E-mail], was. Sorry, I think I once ate your cat. I'll buy you a new one if you promise to name him "Potted Meat Food Product The Cat". Then add "...The Clown" to make his name silly. -- K. AND THEN PUT HIM ON A RITZ!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: definitely not asking that question Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 08:16:08 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Julian Noble (logitech@zeta.org.au) wrote: > > The REAL question I am asking, is > > What SORT OF response would I get if I just asked "What is kibo?" here? > > Would I be made to feel more stupid than I will be made to feel by asking > the above question instead of the actual question? Given that they make pills that prevent depression, insomnia, and pregnancy, I'm sure that by now someone's invented a pill that prevents stupidity. So ask your question, and if the mean people here make you feel stupid, don't worry, someone sells pills. And you know they really work because placebos couldn't be that expensive. Plus they contain bee pollen AND dog pollen. > I actually don't know what kibo is, or if that question is a legitimate one > in any sense.. I just leapt in to this newsgroup, > > [...] > > I am aware of course that it is possible that this is the entire point of > the newsgroup, and I have somehow guessed this immediately... > It would be really nice if there was actually an answer to the "what is > kibo?" question (that's the one i'm NOT asking) and if people would be kind > enough not to tell me the answer. > It would be nicer still, if any answers to this post could be worded in such > a way to make it IMPOSSIBLE for me to ever know whether the question is > legit or not and really confuse the issue.. > but I fear the answer to "what is Kibo?" may be too simple for such grand > obfuscation.. worse still, someone might decide to answer in such a way that > it is impossible for me NOT to know what kibo is... > :( > A complete absence of a response might also be useful to me. You're right, it would. I apologize for posting this response. -- K. Now we must duel for honor, with plastic grocery-store-conveyor-belt divider bars. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.psychology.psychotherapy,sci.physics,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Parry on Harvard's Howard C. Berg Re: Brain Locus theory Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 09:16:24 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.psychology.psychotherapy, sci.physics, sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (Archimedes.Plutonium@dartmouth.edu) once again tried to misquote one of Kibo's articles: > > > Physics Harvard University > > Faculty of the Department of Physics > > Howard C. Berg, Professor of Molecular and Cellular Biology and > > Professor of Physics > > Hey, maybe you should study psychiatry as eagerly as you did physics. > > After all, you mastered physics and proclaimed yourself The King Of Physics. > > With a little work, and a psychiatry textbook, you could proclaim yourself > > The King Of Crazy People. > > > > -- K. > > > > Or you could go the quicker route > > of posting to the Internet under > > other people's names so that > > people think you have multiple- > > personality disorder. > > > Six years of stalking by the psychotic stalker of Parry. Whose jokes > are not jokes but character assassination. Sir! I resent that remark. It implies that I claim that you have character. > One would think that in six > years time that some medical doctor of Harvard or the Boston area would > say "enough of Parry and treat him". Unless, unless of course Harvard > directly or indirectly payrolls Parry to stalk year in and year out. Yes, Archie, I am being paid thousands of dollars by Harvard to call you an idiot. Because everyone at Harvard cares deeply that you're an idiot, because, well, I don't know why, I'm sure they must need you to be an idiot for some reason. I suspect it's all just a publicity stunt for some movie, like that new "Star Wars Episode II: Archimedes Plutonium Is An Idiot." > I have always known that Harvard was weak in physics. I would make a lame pun about the weak force, but because it would involve physics I don't want to have to waste someone's time when they have to explain it to Archie. > About the only physicist of note that came from Harvard was Gibbs, > (or was Gibbs from Yale, oh well, zero is not a bad score). Katherine Gibbs? The inventor of the idea that all stenography can be made from three kinds of quarks joined by curly gluons drawn with a ballpoint pen? > But, is this the way that Harvard plays physics, by renting a kook to stalk > for 6 years in a row? Hey! The contract Harvard has with me says that I'm a BOZO, not a KOOK! I couldn't be a kook because I'm a bozo. You, on the other hand, are not a bozo. > Seems mighty unsporting of Harvard. They're just jealous because sales of that beet they developed petered out fifty years ago when people realized that beets taste bad. -- K. I won't even go into Donald Turnipseed's involvement. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Candy that looks like bacon Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 04:38:10 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Poot Rootbeer" (mbp8@cornell.edu) wrote: > > Today at lunch at Taco Bell, I noticed that one of the kid's meal toys > they're giving out is "Joking Jar Jar Binks". This is a small plastic > figurette with a little switch that makes Jar Jar's droopy phallic tuonge > stick out. Kind of like a Jar Jar lollipop without any of the deadly > deadly candy. Oh, if only George Lucas had also put a switch on the one in the movie so we could turn him off. > A small child at the table next to mine had procured this particular toy > item. I watched in horror as this 5-year-old boy, knowing full well that > there was no candy to be gained, happily proceeded to open Jar Jar's mouth > and apply his own to it. The "French Kiss Jar Jar Binks" meme virus has > already spread beyond candy consumption. RIGHT NOW, BILL CLINTON IS FRENCH KISSING JAR JAR IN THE OVAL OFFICE! (...while Yasser Arafat and Darth Vader are waiting in the Rose Garden!) > This made me ill, even more ill than I usually get from eating Taco Bell. > I couldn't even finish the last 2 layers of my 7-layer burrito. I got my > revenge, though, my going into the back and knocking over the Animal 57 > aquariums so some jerk has to clean up all that sticky 57 fluid. Eww! You can NEVER get that mucus out. Using a wet mop just makes MORE mucus, because MUCUS PLUS MUCUS IS TWICE AS MUCH MUCUS! If you don't believe me, boil some okra. > Afterwards, I decided to take a trip to the mall to see if the overpriced > candy store there had any of those Jar Jar lollipops I've heard so much > about. They didn't, but in one of the bulk bins they had that vinyl > stripping stuff that's supposedly some kind of licorice, but really is just > strawbana-flavored plastic. This particular variety of the product had > separate red straw and yellow bana stripes down the length, which means it > looked like bacon. I was too startled to eat any. Wait... that implies that they know how to separate straw from bana. That can't be true, because if it were, why would they make all the crappy strawbana-flavored candy? And for that matter, are there really any kids who want the green apple candy? And in what slice of our Universe is cinnamon "red hot"? -- K. When they extract bana from a banana, WHERE DOES ALL THE NA GO? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 04:46:59 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > Richard E. Nickle (rick@trystero.com) wrote: > > > > Also, here's what else that makes Beacon Hill cool: > > Yeah, but... > > Yeah, but... > > Once I had to drive a GIANT RENTAL TRUCK AROUND BEACON HILL. It wasn't a giant truck, except in proportion to the size of Beacon Hill, which was built back when people were five feet tall and cars were two feet wide. > And it was KIBO's FAULT. Beacon Hill is evil. > > The amazing thing was that I didn't even smash up the truck there. I > smashed it up in Jamaica Plain, after getting totally lost, and then Kibo > and Jay O'Connell got to watch while some cop guessed that I was from > either Harvard or MIT ...and that policeman's name was... ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM! > and made lots of cracks about wacky absent minded professors who can't keep > their eyes on the road while they are busy inventing Flubber. I recall that the actual insult was, "HEY, EINSTEIN! PARKING BRAKE!" as you tried to drive with the brake on. You see, in the twisted, backwards world of law enforcement, Einstein is A BOZO AND WORSE THAN HITLER, COMBINED! > So Jamaica Plain is evil too. > > Actually, I just figured it out. Kibo is evil. You forgot to mention that when you ran over that "Stop" sign, it was four feet from the entrance of the Boston Police Area D Drug Enforcement Headquarters. That's why the cop was mad. Without that sign, the crack dealers wouldn't be kind enough to stop in front of the police station so the cops could spy on them! It's your fault there are crackheads in Boston now. -- K. ("Area D" = "Roxbury". Cops use that jargon because it makes their life feel more like "Star Trek".) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Sat, 5 Jun 1999 06:20:34 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Karlo Takki (ktakki@artcrime.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > ("Area D" = "Roxbury". Cops use that jargon because > > it makes their life feel more like "Star Trek".) > > Most BPD transmissions are around 462 MHz, clear. Detective and Tac units > use the new 900 MHz trunked channels, along with commercial cell phones. > > (From memory...) > > Area D = Back Bay, Fenway, South End, Kenmore, Allston-Brighton, and parts > of the Longwood Medical Area and Mission Hill. > > Area B = Roxbury ("the 'bury"), Most of JP and "Back of the Hill", North > Dorchester, "Dutley", "Eggeston", and "Mellena Cass" areas. > > Area C = Sout'ie, Savin Hill, Sout' Dorchester. > > Area A = Downtown, Beacon Hill, Chinatown, North End, and (IIRC) Eastie and > Charlestown. > > Area E = West Roxbury, Rozzie, Readville, etc. No, no, you got it all wrong: A -- Watertown (before the town was shut down) and Ashmont B -- Boston College, Boston University, Boston Chicken, Braintree C -- Cleveland Circle, Coolidge Corner, Claudia Christian D -- Riverside, and other parts of Agawam E -- Brigham Circle, Lechmere M -- Mattapan X -- Instruction Car (sometimes followed by the Data Cdr*) > Mass. State Police Troop F has jurisdiction at Logan Airport. A bunch > of humorless bastards. Yeah, the OTHER state troopers are all wacky funsters who love it when you make jokes about their Ranger Smith hats and steal their pic-a-nic baskets and crash your Ryder truck into their Drug Enforcement Headquarters. I'm going to Logan Airport tomorrow and shop for photographs that I can take. In a previous visit I covered the Children's Museum Gift Shop Annex that's there (it has a luggage slide YOU can go down to teach you why going down the real one would not be fun, even though they do it in every wacky movie!) and other good stuff, but I didn't get a photo of the sign warning me that the Musical Floor Reminder System is patented, because the security guard suddenly became very, very, very, very interested in what I was doing. So I told him all about the wonders of the Musical Floor Reminder System and he ceased to be interested, but I didn't get my photograph. > p.s.: Happy scanning! MOMMY, WHY DOES YOUR NOSE ALWAYS BLEED WHEN I'M HAPPY? (Cut to Michael Ironside making Roy Scheider's head explode, followed by Dr. Ruth Westheimer starring in "The Prisoner".**) -- K. * OH NO I MADE A LISP JOKE THAT PEOPLE WILL THINK IS A STAR TREK JOKE! ** OH NO I NAILED NBC'S "SEAqUEST DSV" TO DAVID CRONENBERG AND PATRICK McGOOHAN! AND ALL JUST TO MAKE ROY SCHEIDER'S HEAD EXPLODE! THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW TO MAKE IT QUICKER TO GET TO ROY SCHEIDER'S EXPLODING HEAD! *** AND I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION MICHAEL YORK'S REVOLVING RAINBOW-COLORED HEAD YELLING "THERE ISSS NOOOO SAAANCTUUUARY IN OURRR LADY OF THE AIRWAYSSSS!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Sun, 6 Jun 1999 06:43:16 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Karlo Takki (ktakki@artcrime.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > M -- Mattapan > > If this were "Zippy the Pinhead", I'd be tempted to exclaim: > > "ASHMONT-MATTAPAN HIGH SPEED LINE!" > "ASHMONT-MATTAPAN HIGH SPEED LINE!" > "ASHMONT-MATTAPAN HIGH SPEED LINE!" > > (Which is also haunted because it travels through an Indian > Burial Ground.) For those not in the know, The south half of Boston's Red Line (on the MBTA's subway) splits into "A" (Ashmont) and "B" (Braintree) branches. YES, THERE IS A SUBURB NAMED AFTER A TREE WITH HUMAN BRAINS ALL OVER IT. Anyway, when the line ends at Ashmont, you can board an extension of the Red Line which goes from Ashmont to Mattapan, which is called "The Ashmont-Mattapan High Speed Trolley Line", except that it's real slow because it's actually made from the thirty-year-old Green Line cars. It's the only place where you can see subway cars painted standard MBTA green, even though it's on the Red Line, because most of the newest Green Line cars (the Kinki ones -- yes, Kinki) are painted "Atlanta Mint" because although the MBTA can afford to have trolley cars custom-designed (you really have to) they couldn't afford an extra $20 to have them mix up the right color of paint for the Green Line and so they just bought surplus from ATLANTA, fer chrissakes. The current Green Line trains (the mint-flavored ones) are made by Kinki (aka Kinkisharyo), the previous ones (which mainly run on the branches I don't live on) were made by Boeing, and the really ancient Green Line cars on the Red Line's "high speed" portion I don't know about. The brand new ones which are so new that they don't exist yet are being made by Breda to have special lower floors so that if you're in a wheelchair you can get off the train without falling on your face. I saw a bus the other week whose destination sign was lit up "NIVERSIDE". That's where Peter Pan lives in an abandoned Green Line train that hit a Peter Pan bus. > But this isn't "Zippy the Pinhead". It's "Family Circus" and > Archimedes Plutonium is Dead Grampa. > > > MOMMY, WHY DOES YOUR NOSE ALWAYS BLEED WHEN I'M HAPPY? > > "That's not Mommy's nose, dear." I think I would do a good job writing "The Family Circus". My jokes would be just as lame as Bil Keane's, but nerdier and therefore more erudite. Witness one I thunk up: (Daddy and Mommy and Billy and Dolly are in the car. Billy points out the window at an "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" sign.) BILLY: "Look, Daddy, a Web site!" (CUE LAUGH TRACK AND DEAD GRANDPARENTS) -- K. Also, Karlo, I've noticed that Logan Airport's security is more lax on weekends. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 07:30:07 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > > > "Lots42" (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > > > > > For those not in the know, Beacon Hill is in Boston so that makes it cool. > > > > For those of you just joining us, there is also a Beacon Hill at the > > south end of Seattle. > > > > It has only one notable building, a large hospital I used to walk to > > (from Capital Hill) which now houses, in part, Amazon.com. IF I WERE MIKE DUKAKIS I'D SUE SEATTLE!!! (Hmm, maybe I should go around telling women I'm a member of the Kennedy family, not a member of the Dukakis family...) No, I'm not going to tell (again) the story about that racketeer who told bimbos he was a Kennedy, because that trial lasted a month and I don't think I could tell the whole story without boring myself. I'll just summarize: Krugerrands, free house, state lines, RICO statute, John Trebendis, DECTAPE prototype, warehouse of TVs, Swiss bank account, greasy-haired guy who wasn't a Kennedy, leg irons, bimbos in the back of the room watching him testify, deadlock. Oh, and they only fed us pork at the Federal courthouse, and the SWAT guys had bayonets pointed at me. > > WELCOME TO BACON HILL > NOTICE THERE IS NO "E" IN IT. > PLEASE KEEP IT THAT WAY. I never thought I'd get sick of having pork at every meal. Of course, if it had been bacon, not pork, I would have been in Federal Heaven. Except Federal Bacon would probably be the pink stretchy kind, not the brown crunchy kind. -- K. IN THE UNITED STATES WE HAVE FEDERAL BACON, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN CANADA? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 07:12:28 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David DeLaney (if807@cleveland.Freenet.Edu) wrote: > > Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > > > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) writes: > > > > > > Actually, I just figured it out. Kibo is evil. > > > > ALL HAIL MATT McIRVIN, KING OF THE OBVIOUS! > > ALL HAIL MATT McIrVIN, KING OF THE OBVIOUS! YOU choose the wacky reply! 1.) That song rocks! Dino DeLaurentiis and Queen have made the best "Star Wars" knockoff of the early eighties!!! or 2.) Oh, like you should be making fun of the goofy spelling of Matt's last name, you who prefer the GAYYYY spelling of your last name. I know it's a GA-AYYYYY spelling because I read in some Kooks FAQ that some guy compiled that said your name was spelled all GAYYYYY-AYYYYYY-AYYYYY and stuff. or 3.) IF SCIENCE WERE OBVIOUS, MATT McIRVIN WOULD BE ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM! AND VICE VERSA! Except I think that Archie figured out that I'm evil faster than Matt. or 4.) Something in a nice non-sequitur, maybe with Potsie, maybe not. -- K. If you enjoyed this article, you'll also enjoy the "Ally McBeal" spinoff! FLOOR SWEEPINGS ENRICHED WITH 5% NEW FOOTAGE! Know how sitcoms do a "clip episode" every five years when the budget runs low? Well, "Ally" is the first show to do one of those every week! If "Ally Jr." is a hit, I figure they'll also have to make a third series from outtakes and "classic moments" from "Ally Jr." And then TV will die. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Sat, 5 Jun 1999 07:22:50 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > > > > Except I think that Archie figured out that I'm evil faster than Matt. > > I'm evil faster than Matt? Yes, you're evilling close to the theoretical limit of evilosity. > What is the velocity of evil? We'll know when we measure how soon Jar Jar Binks becomes President. > velocity:evil::acceleration:? The first derivative of the mostion of evil is evilosity. The second derivative of evil is evileration. The third derivative of evil is the main ingredient in durian-flavored dog food. -- K. DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S EVIL! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sorry...Beacon Hill Boston Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 07:23:11 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) writes: > > > > Once I had to drive a GIANT RENTAL TRUCK AROUND BEACON HILL. > > With very professional-looking lettering on the side reading > > INTERNATIONAL COCAINE IMPORTERS, INC. > LIMA - SAN DIEGO - SCHENECTADY Actually, no, it just said "RYDER", and Matt was enough of a bozo that he got arrested when he tried to get his deposit back on the truck after he filled it with fertilizer and crashed it into the Boston Public Library. Fortunately he didn't know it was supposed to be CHEMICAL fertilizer. Then he fell into it and threw a tantrum, while in the distance a burning haywagon knocked a fruit cart into a swimming pool, and then there was stock footage of a revolving radar dish. Then Ice-T showed up and there was a big rap dance number because the budget ran out and Malcolm McDowell had already gone home to where he lives with John Rhys-Davies, Mark Hamill, David Warner, and Patrick Stewart. > > And it was KIBO's FAULT. Beacon Hill is evil. > > Dogs don't know it's full of treacherous cretins! I think it would be fun to spend a day with Patrick Stewart. "Yes, it seems to me to be a jolly good idea to extend my acting range by appearing in the 'X-Men' movie, whatever that is. I hear it's based on a book of some sort. Hey, look, poison ivy -- I think I'll pick it so I can take it home so it will remind me what it looks like. Now let's walk through Beacon Hill at midnight... gee, my neck is cold, I think I'll wear this old pair of pantyhose as a scarf as I cut through Albert DeSalvo's back yard." (For those of you not up on your true crime, in the 1970s he was the Boston Strangler, and he would garotte women with their own pantyhose. By "he" I mean Albert DeSalvo, not Patrick Stewart. Patrick Stewart was, of course, the Zodiac killer.) > > Actually, I just figured it out. Kibo is evil. > > ALL HAIL MATT McIRVIN, KING OF THE OBVIOUS! Well, I thought it was obvious that he was already King Of The Obvious. Wait, that means I'm the King Of The Obvious. So he isn't. But then I was wrong, so I can't be... error... error... analyze... Norman, co-ordinate... my vision is impaired... crush... kill... destroy... TIMEQUAKE APPROACHING, MAGNITUDE INFINITY! RELEASE THE A-3 DEER!!! -- K. RELEASE THE IDENTICAL FLAPJACKS INTO THE SWIRLY BLACK HOLE! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Toy store betting Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 04:56:37 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Lots42" (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > I haven't been to a toy store in a long time, but I'm betting there are no > Star Wars action figures left of any kind. Not even the rancor trainer or that > guy you can't recognize and who looks stupid anyway. When I was there today to laugh at all the Jar Jar Binks toys nobody wants, I confirmed that they still had a full stock of every action figure. Including that Conehead guy who's on-screen for a tenth of a second. I was at the area's primary Toys R Us two days after the huge monster unveiling of the "Star Wars" toys at 12:01am, and they had huge mounds of the toys, and stacks and stacks of boxes, with nary a toy missing from the tesselated walls of unloved toys. Clearly they knew that "Star Wars Episode Eye" was going to be such a monster hit that they overstocked by a factor of ten bazillion plus infinity. With shows and movies that are somewhat popular, like the original "Star Wars" and "Star Trek: The Next Generation", they sell at least the good action figures -- i.e. they sell all the Darth Vaders and Mr. Datas but they are left with a million R5-D4s and Riker With Torn Shirt -- because obviously some of the characters suck and because Kenner makes the toy store buy cases with an equal number of each action figure. (They really should make ten Darths for every Lobot or Gonk, but nooooo...) Anyway, I am glad you allowed me to segue into my trip to the toy store today because now I can say something that will make Nick Bensema cry: In the clearance bin, for $11.99, was an original Tempest 2000 (Jaguar) cartridge, still in its shrinkwrap. And when I bought it, it rang up for only $9.59. I GOT TEMPEST 2000 FOR UNDER $10! THAT'S HALF A CENT PER TEMPEST! -- K. And when I got home and opened the box, I discovered that by mistake they had given me the Atari 2600 version! It was all shoddy and the label was hand-written so I threw it away. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: M. Otis Beard... in ACTION! Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 07:51:58 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > M. Otis Beard (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > > > Five years ago, I broke my back skiing. I didn't have any insurance at > > the time... [ snip ] > > I feel for you, M. I know what you've been through. > > About seven and a half years ago, I was severely injured whilst > preventing a crime. The nature of the crime is not important, and I > won't go into details because I don't like to brag, but suffice it > to say that seven people (including two very young children) are > alive today due to my efforts on that day. Okay, Otis's story was ripped from the pages of The Christian Science Sentinel: Dear Mary Baker Eddy, ...when I woke up I was blind in both eyes, my legs had falled off, and my intestines had come out through my ear. I prayed that all the doctors in the world would die and the next morning I was dancing around playing the tuba after my legs and eyes and intestines and ear grew back! But David Pacheco's story was ripped from the pages of The Reader's Digest: ...and to this day Fluffy is my faithful companion, even though he is over 140 in human years, and he wags his tail especially hard when I tell him how I won the biggest high school football game of my life while recovering from the helicopter crash that took away my legs but ended Communism forever. God bless America, and puppies too. Now, both publications are in the same format (little booklets of the same size, and the Sentinel even rotates through different solid-colored covers like the Digest did before they had color printing) and both are available in about 573 different languages. However, the Christian Science Sentinel is *FREE* from that rack outside their Free Bible Exhibit (where you can follow a blinking light bulb across a map of the Middle East to see where Jesus went) but the Reader's Digest is sold for PROFIT. Therefore, I have just proven that the Reader's Digest is more evil than Christian Science, and that M. Otis Beard might think the Mapparium is cool, but David Pacheco wouldn't like it because it has Commie countries on it. > [...] > > Both of my legs (tibia, femur and periodontal atrium) were > completely shattered, as was my hip and my pubic bone. Yes, but at least YOU didn't have paradoxical diarrhea. > I had two cracked ribs, an aerated lung and at least twenty-two paper > cuts in my eyeballs, all of which required stitches. I suffered a minor > hematoma in the left ventricle of my heart, as well as a kidney that > was punctured by shards of bone from my left kneecap. I lost one of > my lips (which was fortunately found two hundred yards away from the > location of the incident, subsequently preserved in salt brine and > re-attached four years later), and the absolute symmetry of my > cheekbones was altered: albeit my only a nanometer or two, but I > notice it every morning in the mirror. And then you say "I FORGET WHAT MY NAME IS, BUT I KNOW IT BEGAN... WITH AN RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!" and then you start doing one-handed pushups and threaten to kill the bandleader if they play the theme to "Mission: Impossible" so they break into the first-season theme from "Space: 1999" and your head explodes. All this every day. > Not only did I not have any insurance at the time, I was being sued > by a major insurance company for being too healthy. The name of > this company is irrelevant now, since after the incident they changed their name to Archimedes Plutonium > immediately dropped the case and raised rates by 25% for their > 37,000 policy holders, on the basis of the possibility that I might > some day be well enough to be insured through them. But at the > time, my life was very difficult: I had recently been fired from my > job parking airplanes at LAX, and I was finding it very hard to > secure new employment, partially due to my history of violent > reactions to constructive criticism. I had been asked to leave my > previous job in McDonald's after an incident in which my line > manager openly criticised my practice of rounding the customer's > change up to the nearest $10, and in response I held his head down > in the deep fat fryer for 45 minutes. No charges were filed > against me, but word gets around in McDonald's: they're a very > tight-knit group. Yeah, but at least they're not Laser Designs. I mean, man! When I screwed up, all the other three people who worked there found out about it sooner or later, although the room we were in WAS kind of big. > [...] > > So as you can see, my life was in a shambles. Shambles are what you get when you smash up a sham. With your shammer. It's kind of messy, of course, because sham is made from spiced ham. With pork shoulder butt and pork shoulder rectum. I want to know why, when you see a pig wearing diapers, they only diaper its butt butt and not its shoulder butts. I mean, come on, if you're gonna discover extra butts on a pig, do something with them! > [...] > > So I threw the piece of paper away, found Jesus Remember, for you to be able to find Jesus, someone else had to lose Him. > [...] > > The best part of all this is: I found the old guy in the white suit > two weeks after I found Jesus, and I beat him to death with his cane. WAAH! NOW HE'LL HAVE TO BE PLAYED BY EWAN McGREGOR IN THE PREQUEL! > So as you can see, exercise can REALLY change your life! Especially if it kills you. > Thanks, M. Otis Beard, for providing inspiration for all of us! > > Yours in Tae-Bo, > > -dp. Did you know that "TM", as in "Transcendental Meditation", is trademarked? I am not making this up, because if I were, it would be ironic in a less lame way. Also, over at the Big Dig, they're building two Giant Inverted Y's, and I want to know (a) won't the Village People fall out? and (b) wouldn't it be more Kibological to make them upside-down Giant H's? I mean, Northeastern University's Marino Center has the Backwards M, and that Chinese takeout has the Backwards Ampersand, so we deserve to see an upside-down H one of these days. IT'S OUR TAX DOLLARS!!! -- K. Well, okay, not mine, because I checked the box that says I WANT ALL MY TAXES TO GO TO JESSE VENTURA'S ELECTION CAMPAIGN, but it's YOUR TAX DOLLARS if you weren't smart enough to check that box! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: A Vision of Judgement with apologies to Lord Byron the dead guy. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 08:26:43 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "M. Otis Beard" (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > Robert is a jealous sort > A native son of rec.arts.prose > His flaming is a lame retort > To what he knows he can't compose: > True wit. He cannot measure up > To standards set by better men > And so this insolent young pup > Attacks us with his poison pen > We've met before. I pierced his heart > In single combat, long ago > Where trolling is considered art > And Leader Kibo runs the show > Remember when our paths last crossed? > "You Have Been Trolled, and You Have Lost." This (especially the fifth and sixth lines) sounds better if you sing it in a Don Adams voice. While your red bow tie, made out of a skew quadrilateral, hovers next to the left side of your neck. And while all the other channels in Schenectady are showing the 6-o'clock news. I WILL PAY A DOLLAR TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN MAKE AN ASCII PORTRAIT OF TENNESSEE TUXEDO THAT LOOKS CRUDER THAN THE REAL ONE. -- K. So, Mister Whoopee, how do Conelrad transmissions get from the factory to my kitchen? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The Time Trilogy of E=MC^2, M=E/C^2 and C^2=E/M Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3194 centons, 98 microns, 0.03 bozons Date: Sat, 5 Jun 1999 06:46:41 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: sci.physics In sci.physics, "STAR1SHIP" (star1ship@aol.com) wrote: > > B o n e s o f T i m e Please don't make fun of DeForrest Kelley so soon after his death. > Contents > Time And Man > Light and Life > The Formation Of Mass > Flexible Time > Gravitation > The Magnetic Field Of Earth > Appendix A,B,C,D,E > > Duane asked me to post his complete book for him. > He had posted 1/11/99 partly as The Time Trilogy of E=MC^