Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Barbie doll parts useful for prosthetic fingers - researcher Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sun, 29 Aug 1999 05:19:08 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor You know it's important because l'AFP posted it to clari.tw.health.misc, clari.living.bizarre, clari.tw.top, clari.biz.front_page, clari.tw, clari.tw.misc, clari.tw.health, AND clari.living: > > Subject: Barbie doll parts useful for prosthetic fingers - researcher Of course, from that point on, you can only pick up things that are 1/6 normal size, and you have to drive a little pink car with no brakes. > CHARLOTTE, North Carolina, Aug 28 (AFP) - Barbie, the leggy > plastic companion of millions of girls worldwide, ...and for over 30 years! Barbie is their LONGTIME COMPANION! Oh no! I just outed Barbie! I sure hope nobody caught on to Barbie before. Like how nobody noticed Carl Sagan was running The National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws. Now that we know the truth about Barbie, it's going to wreck her television career -- she'll only be allowed to be on lesbian-oriented shows, like "Ellen" and "The Howard Stern Show". > has found a new purpose -- donating her body to science. And her thousands of tiny pink shoes were donated to the people of the Phillipines. > It turns out that the plastic doll knee joints in Barbie's long, > shapely legs make good knuckles in prosthetic fingers for people who > have lost part of a hand, says Jane Bahor, a university researcher here. Of course, afterwards it takes these people about three hours to pull on a glove. (Have you ever TRIED getting Barbie's harem pants past her ankles?) [CUE JOHN CLEESE] > Bahor, who makes lifelike body parts for amputees at Duke > University Medical Center in Durham, has used knees from old Barbie > dolls to make new fingers for about a dozen patients. I hate to think what he's done with the heads. > "She's made her cultural contribution, now she can make a > medical contribution," Bahor said. Tee-hee! Surgery is hard! > Bahor and patient, Jennifer Jordan, then a North Carolina State > University engineering student, came up with the idea three years > ago while trying to make Jordan's prosthetic finger more realistic > and useful. Just out of curiosity, wouldn't just about anything be at least as realistic as Barbie's pipe-cleanerish leg? I mean, her leg is A SINGLE PIECE OF VINYL WITH A WIRE INSIDE. It doesn't have an actual joint. It's A SHAVED PIPE CLEANER. When I was a kid, I had a Gumby doll that was made of rubber with a wire running down each arm and leg, and he was a lot more fun than Barbie because not only could his arms bend, but he never needed clothes put on or taken off him. So I say that Gumby is the true medical innovator, especially as when you chop up Gumby, you can make several fingers out of his arms and legs and spine, whereas Barbie is only good for two fingers. > They thought about the popular Mattel doll's easy-to-bend knees, > and Jordan brought in some of her old dolls. Bahor, an > anaplastologist, took them apart to find a "simple little ratchet > joint" that fits inside a flexible foam digit. Ratchet? Foam? Wait a minute. Every Barbie doll I've ever seen has just been soft vinyl with a wire inside. Will someone who likes dolls please tell me what's the deal here? PLEASE DON'T TELL ME MY BARBIE EXPERIENCE IS OBSOLETE! > "It's working out well for several patients," said Bahor, whose > colleagues around the country are also testing the idea. "A lot of > us have played around with the Barbie joint." Except for the men in the lab, who requested a transfer to that other lab which is answering the question, "Could Darth Vader beat up The Transformers?" > Mattel was also impressed by the idea, and sent Bahor a bag full > of free Barbie parts. MMM! BARBIE BY-PRODUCTS! > "Everybody here is really excited that Barbie not only brings > joy to little girls but also can help adults who have had > accidents," said Mattel spokeswoman Lisa McKendall. > Wearers bend the fingers the same way they would bend Barbie's leg. You see, you just grab your fingers between your fingers and bend them -- hey, wait a minute... > They can use their other hand to bend the joint. Because of Barbie, nobody in an accident will ever again lose their OTHER hand! > Just like Barbie's legs, the fingers stay bent until the owner straightens > them again. And then they're never quite straight ever again. That's party because of the wire inside, and partly because, like I said before, BARBIE ISN'T STRAIGHT!!! > The pliable prosthetic fingers make it easier for an amputee to > hold a pen, pick up a cup, grip the steering wheel or do other daily > tasks, Bahor said. But they make it harder to play with your Barbie doll, because she doesn't have legs any more. [CUE CARTOON BY SAM GROSS WHICH IS REPRINTED TWICE IN EVERY ISSUE OF "NATIONAL LAMPOON" FOR TWENTY YEARS.] > For years feminist critics have argued that Barbie's unrealistic > proportions seared an unattainable body image into the minds of girls. "When I grow up, I want to have an enormous two-inch bust like Barbie!" > "After all these years of being maligned," Bahor said, "she's > finally come up with a social conscience." Tee-hee! Consciencing is hard! -- K. That reminds me, I still need to borrow a tripod to film something melting. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Barbie doll parts useful for prosthetic fingers - researcher Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 05:21:18 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Dag Right-square-bracket-gren" (dagren@abo.fi) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [quoting wire-service article] > > > > > > "It's working out well for several patients," said Bahor, > > > whose colleagues around the country are also testing the idea. > > > "A lot of us have played around with the Barbie joint." > > You missed the real point here: Pothead Barbie. Dear Dag Right-bracket-Sagan, I apologize for not catching on that Barbie was the director of People Organized To Smoke Lots Of Pot (POTSLOP) and was their on-camera spokesperson in all those "PLEASE SMOKE MORE POT!" commercials and wrote several books about smoking pot, such as "Reflections on Burgess Shale, Nodes of Ranvier, And The Fact That I Am Totally Wasted On Mauie Wowie While I'm Typing This Look Wow /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/!!!!!!" I mean, we should have caught on after she did taped those episodes of "Bar-bee's Playhouse" that revolved around how she liked to smoke pot, and did all those jokes on "Ellen" about how incredibly uncomfortable she was whenever she wasn't smoking pot, and that "Cheech & Barbie & Chong" movie where she smoked a giant pink joint for six hours in one unedited scene. So, yes, you're right, but I think more importantly, we're ALL guilty of missing Barbie's sad cry for help. Plus when I posted this followup I was careful to say something with [ ] around it just to confuse your name. -- K. I'd like your name better if it had CIRCULAR brackets in it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Fun supermarket factoid. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sun, 29 Aug 1999 05:44:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Because all the boxes of Ritz crackers say "RITZ" in really tall skinny letters, if you cover up just the very tops of the letters the crackers tell you to "KIIL". -- K. And Wilson Bryan Key thinks they say "SEX". What a bozo! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Fun supermarket factoid. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 05:07:42 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Because all the boxes of Ritz crackers say "RITZ" in really tall skinny > > letters, if you cover up just the very tops of the letters the crackers > > tell you to "KIIL". > > Also, the Kia logo says KIL in Greek. > > I noticed this while staring at a Kia logo five feet high and made of > plywood. They had this indoors at the place where we just bought a used > Nissan. > > I guess advertising works, because after staring at this thing long > enough, whilst participating in the ancient and hallowed rituals of > Salesman/Customer Kabuki Theater, I too wanted to have a giant plywood > logo in my home. I don't know where we'd put it, but it looks like you > could remove the front and put bookshelves inside. I want to live on the Death Star with a giant AT&T logo painted on it. And then Carl Sagan could ram his Butt-Head Ramjet into it, and the dodecahedron painted on the side of his spaceship would fuse with the AT&T logo painted on my Death Star, and the result would be this thing made out of speed lines and pentagons that would look like a soccer ball with sharp edges, and I'd trademark it and make a million dollars making soccer shoes endorsed by both Carl Sagan and Darth Vader. Also, speaking of wimpy econoboxes, we're now getting ads for Daewoo brand cars. A couple days ago I saw a wire-service news report that missspelled "Daewoo Group" as "Daewoo Gro up". OH, DAEWOO, GROW UP AND STOP WITH THE VACUFORMED CARS ALREADY! -- K. Gee, I wonder what brand of stereo is in the Daewoo brand car... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: My Marky Mark dream Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sun, 29 Aug 1999 06:59:15 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Lots42" (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > I had a dream starring that Mark Whalberg guy. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU DREAMED ABOUT A GUY WHO IS ONLY FAMOUS FOR BEING THE BROTHER OF ONE OF THE ORIGINAL "NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK"! THE BROTHER OF A GUY WHO DOESN'T PLAY HIS OWN INSTRUMENT OR SING! Your brain is now unclean. You must cleanse your brain with a scouring pad and a can of Bab-O. BAB-O. NOT A DREAM IN A CARLOAD. > You see, in my dream universe, there was this legendary thief. Mark Whalberg > was starring in a movie about this theif. In the dream/movie he was > practicing his craft in a hotel/mall. Suddenly, he's approached by this > unshaven guy who gives him a 'You go' kind of look. Mark is puzzled. > The unshaven guy explains that Mark is now famous since there's a movie > about him. And then the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls and Menudo come in and start singing a medley of all of their greatest hits while Tinky Winky dances and then Sigmund Freud drives a tiny Ronald McDonald-style train into this tunnel shaped like Pierce Brosnan while smoking a cigar covered with eyes and then you fail a geometry test and when you wake up, YOU'RE IN A STRAIGHTJACKET IN AN ASYLUM BECAUSE IT WASN'T A DREAM, IT REALLY HAPPENED!!! > Just thinking about the dream makes my head hurt. It wasn't a dream, it really happened... OR DID IT??? -- K. AND THEN YOU FIND TUBBY CUSTARD ON YOUR PILLOW!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Duct tape. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sun, 29 Aug 1999 07:03:54 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I don't care what anyone says. 3M brand duct tape smells _really_ good. And as a bona fide Real Man, let me tell you, given enough duct tape, you can fix anything. Observe: REAL MAN --> Says you can fix anything with duct tape. WANNA-BE MAN --> Buys any of the 500,000 other products sold at Home Depot. WANNA-BE HIPPIE --> Eats vegetables. REAL HIPPIE --> Says you can make anything out of hemp. I appreciate that Home Depot is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, because you never know when you might need more duct tape at 3 A.M. -- K. Well, the cat wouldn't stop meowing! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Duct tape. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 05:02:26 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Pope Emperor FrogMaN (popellus_frogmannus@lart.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I don't care what anyone says. > > > > 3M brand duct tape smells _really_ good. > > You ever notice that every time you see a bargain bin, THERE IS ALWAYS > DUCT TAPE IN IT? Any bargain bin, anywhere. You could go to Newbury > Comics, and there could be a big bargain bin full of Sonny & Cher > records & Sailor Moon comics, and there will be a couple of rolls of > duct tape. You could go to WalMart and ruffle through the 1970s > clothes bargain bin (with clothes actually from the 1970s), and you > will find duct tape. > > WHY IS DUCT TAPE ALWAYS IN BARGAIN BINS? And "abraxas" of no fixed E-mail address responded: > > As anyone in the retail business will tell you, 3M brand duct tape in > bargain bins is akin to Arm & Hammer Baking Soda in refrigerators. To > mask the stench of decaying merchandise, 3M brand duct tape is > strategically placed in bargain bins, enticing all to smell the sweet, > sweet, aroma that is 3M. Hooray for aromatic hydrocarbons! If I had my way, there would be a store that sold nothing but duct tape. And on the front of the store the sign would say "AIR FRESHENER STORE". -- K. Alas, 3M duct tape doesn't make green sparks when you peel it really fast in the dark. But it still smells swell. I think I had some toy that smelled just like 3M duct tape when I was a toddler. I don't remember what the toy was, I just remember it smelled good. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Behold: THE Winner of Kibo's Piddly Conetest Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 05:13:26 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Terri Willis (twillis@sound.net) wrote: > > Not only did I get pics of some sort of heathen cone ritual, > but the scene took place at a... > > ...GROCERY STORE! > > [MUSIC STING] > > http://www.sound.net/~twillis/ConeEvil/ConeEvil.html > > > Kibo moves in mysterious ways. > > Because, HAD I been at work last Wednesday I wouldn't have > been doing my grocery shopping in the morning. > > And HAD I not been grocery shopping in the morning, I would > not have seen this particular cone tableau. > > And HAD I not had all this free time, I would not have felt > free to go home to fetch my camera and return to the store > before the evidence was gone. > > Thank you, Kibo! It was worth getting laid off in order to > win your stupid contest! I'm sorry, Terri, but (a) The rules said you were supposed to enter by mail, and (b) The invisible double secret extra rules say that anyone who declares themselves the winner is a loser, and (c) The contest is open to all until the party on September 11, so you won't find out that you've lost for two weeks. But other than that, your contest entry is just fine. Better luck next year, and with your new job. -- K. The visible part of the Conetest rules: http://www.kibo.com/photos/conetest/ ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.econ,talk.politics.theory,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Commoditilization of Real Estate; Natl.Sales tax to replace Income tax Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 06:10:27 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.econ and talk.politics.theory, Archimedes Plutonium (archimedes_plutonium@my-deja.com) nimbly dodged observations that he didn't know what the word "commoditilization" meant: > > If you don't like that word, use the word McDonaldilization. Oh, yeah, everyone loves that word. Everyone loves anything with "McDonald" in it. That's why we love you, Arch. It's your big red wig and enormous shoes. > I aim to McDonaldilization real-estate. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired alternative rock band name #24: ...naah, too easy. Also too word-salady. Arch, next time you make up a word, either try to define it or at least use it in an actual sentence. I mean, them's what words is for! -- K. I better hurry up and start another twenty or so more nameless bands just in case he keeps making up funny phrases at this rate. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.econ,talk.politics.theory,sci.psychology.theory,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Commoditilization of Real Estate; Natl.Sales tax to replace Income tax Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 06:39:30 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.econ, talk.politics.theory, sci.psychology.theory, and sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (archimedes_plutonium@my-deja.com) wrote: > > [...to someone who disagreed with Mr. Plutonium's wacky theories...] > > If you have liared, what you should do is simply admit it. STOP LIAREDING ALREADY, YOU BIG LIAREDER!!! LIAREDER, LIAREDER, PANTS ON FIREDER! > Come clean. Otherwise you stay in evildom and commit more evils. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired heavy metal rock band name #25: STAY IN EVILDOM! -- K. "We commit more evils before breakfast than most people do all day." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: soc.history.science,talk.philosophy.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Transition Phase; AP mission to visit the famous scientists Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 06:44:07 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In soc.history.science and talk.philosophy.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Here in Canada it is often that I see homes with wells and > private septic tanks. GENIUS! GIVE THAT MAN THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR SEEING SEPTIC TANKS! NOBODY SEES SEPTIC TANKS LIKE ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM! > My place has a dug well and private septic. I wonder what the > statistics of homes in the USA and Canada are for wells and > private septic as compared to municipal water and or municipal > sewers. I would guess that the size of lots would have to abide > by some law as to the perculation of septic as opposed to the > use of well water. Being a scientist, I would not be Archimedes Plutonium. > guess that regardless of how such a system is arranged that some > of the septic contaminates the well water. I have made another > decision in my life that I will try to drink bottled water as much > as possible and not even municipal water because it either has > contaminants or it has too much chemicals to ward off contaminants. By an odd coincidence, I just watched "Dr. Strangelove" a few hours ago. Not that your precious "bodily fluids" rants are up to the standards of General Ripper. Or your science is up to the level of Dr. Strangelove's. Also, one must observe that the chemicals that "ward off contaminants" are keeping you away from the water. > And Nova Scotia seems to have a higher humidity than New > Hampshire because all of the paper stored is dampish for > starting a wood fire. Your paper is causing Nova Scotia to be humid? Maybe you should mail some of it back to New Hampshire and let THEM suffer. > And I remember out in San Diego, even though it was dry, that the > proximity to the ocean made a high salt content in the air and that > car rust was much faster. > > I bought this property of mine using the Internet. I first > saw it on the Internet and then went to Canada and ended up > buying it. One of my neighbors said to me, we heard you bought > your land from the Internet. I'm not surprised your neighbors were hinting at their sudden plans to also buy new homes in far-away places so they could move. > It looks as though the Internet has pervaded much of my life. > And I am finding that in all forms requiring a telephone number > of Archimedes Plutonium, that I have no telephone but leave > them my email addresses. What do you do when they ask for your E-mail address? Put down your hat size? No, wait, that's what you've been putting down when they ask for your IQ. > For Saturday, for dessert to my dinner at my cabin, I had > Cadbury fruit and nut bar with pickings of fresh blackberries > off of my property. Arch, please eat as many wild berries from your back yard as possible. The ones that grow on hemlock are really delightful. > It was a delightful dessert. Fresh blackberries with Cadbury bar. Archie, if you picked it up in the woods, it ain't a Cadbury bar! > And I noticed it seems to be a trait of blackberries and raspberries > to grow where humans have disturbed a spot of land. They seem to be > opportunists. And I'm sure you're disturbing the blackberries plenty. > The best time I had at the cabin was the day I went to the > natural spring about one kilometer from my cabin and hauled home > two 5 gallon buckets of water for bathing. I wanted to test > what the minimum amount of water for a clean bathe, and > surprizingly it takes only 1.5 gallons for a good clean bathe. AWARD THAT MAN ANOTHER NOBEL PRIZE! FOR HIS RESEARCHES TOWARD ELMINATING THE NECESSITY OF PERSONAL HYGEINE! > I would guess that at Dartmouth I was using anywhere upwards > from 10 to 20 gallons for a single shower, but keep in mind that > I am hygienic over my ears in that I want to clean out earwax > on a daily basis. You could speed up your daily ritual by cleaning out your earwax with an ordinary power drill. > But the natural spring water flow rate was slow and so whilst > I waited for a bucket to fill-up I picked fresh blackberries > all along the hill. Some experiences, experientals, > in life are exactly what I want to add to my *memory bank* Oh, great, now he's going to do a bad impression of Raul Julia doing a bad impression of Humphrey Bogart saying, "MA, MY NUTS?" on "Mystery Science Theater 3000". (I should point out that this would be the first time they've ever had a REALLY mad scientist on the show.) > and it is these experientals that I will add abundantly with my soon > to depart mission to visit the famous scientists sites. That Web page that Einstein put up is so awesome. > Organization is the key to success and this transition phase > has gone so smoothly that it must be because of my organization > skill. Some people have commented that Germans as a nation are > some of the most concerned over "order". Having been born a > German I can attestify that order is a much emphasized German > character trait. Perhaps it is part of the genetics of the > German race, or part of the German cultural heritage. But it > surely is a German mindset. And orderliness and cleanliness > are two traits that seem to blend into one another. And there is a fine line between genius and insanity. But it's probably too far away for you to see. > I cannot picture one who is clean yet disorderly, or dirty but orderly. > And orderliness blends in or facilitates becoming a scientist > and science research. So, one of the reasons I suspect that > Germany has made so many important contributions to science > is because of the German race mindset of super-emphasizing order. Oh, yeah, nobody from other countries ever picks up after themselves. > 19Aug finished with cabin cleanup and fixing up and ready for > departure around 1500 except need to return to cabin to set in > Warfarine. > Decided not to leave 19Aug but visit Annapolis Valley, buy > some fruit of this famous valley and there and to see Acadia > University. > Headed for Annapolis Valley 17:30. Saw the electric lines > covered with birds, must weigh less than ice. SOME BIRDS MUST WEIGH LESS THAN SOME ICE! GENIUS! > A pretty sunset was emerging with a band of bright sky and the rest dark > overcast but when I reached Windsor it was bright and sunny. The > surrounding countryside deja-vu reminded me of Wisconsin circa > 1972. I am more appreciative of sky and sunsets now in my life > than in my youth. Bought some Warfarine and Rodentex for cabin. > I will try to get a hold of the stainless steel mouse traps Oh no! You're going to ruin Harry Harrison's literary career! > with its spring trigger plate for the advantage of it over the common > mousetrap is that it catches the small mice also. Yeah, regular mousetraps only work on mice that are bigger than rats. > On 20Aug spent a beautiful sunny day in Halifax and walked the > Citadel overlooking the harbor. I like the glass buildings of > Halifax and wonder why the USA does not make many of its tall > buildings with glass. Perhaps the US is too violent with > rock-throwing vandals. However I did see two round cylinder shaped > glass buildings of a motel in Maine (Portland??) adjacent to I-95. > And I was wondering at the Citadel whose glass building it was > across the harbor at Dartmouth? I asked about 20 people at the > Citadel and none knew. Finally at the Canada ? office in Halifax, > I was told that it was a hotel/motel. For those that do not know, > Canada has ? offices for travelers to stop and ask questions, sort > of like the US rest stops on Interstates. GIVE THAT MAN ANOTHER NOBEL PRIZE FOR DISCOVERING THAT CANADA HAS QUESTION MARKS IN IT!!! > On 21Aug depart Canada. Saw an Airstream trailer outside of Moncton AND A NOBEL FOR SEEING AN AIRSTREAM TRAILER! Unless you were confused and it was just another septic tank. > and alot of recreation vehicles along the stretch from Fredericton to > Moncton. This Airstream was 1955 and it has weathered nicely. I would > guess that most other trailers of 1955 are now rusted away. > I parked in a nice rest stop in Houlton Maine and ate the last of the > fruit from Annapolis and ate some puffed rice cereal. And the Sun on > the back of pickup slept for 2 hours from 18:00 to 20:00. I find it hard to believe you could fit the entire Sun in the back of your truck without it melting. Also, the Sun usually sleeps for more than two hours, unless you've overshot Halifax by quite a few degrees of latitude. > It was a beautiful sleep because you weren't posting to the Internet. > as soon as I closed my eyes I was sound asleep. > And two things I reflected upon about the USA that I have come > to appreciate, things which one does not appreciate until they > go elsewhere and that is the care and maintenance of the US > Expressway and roads in general. Perhaps the US is the largest > country with the best roads in the world. And probably the best > "plumbing" country in the world. But the US is so very rich. > And the US has ten times the population which it can tax to take > care of the roads compared to Canada. Here I got a chuckle when > reading my receipt stub at a Canadian store and wanting to know > what the tax "hst" (it had a h in it) was? So I asked the clerk > what is this tax for. And I was told it was a "harmony something > or other tax". And I had to really chuckle over the fact that > any tax was given the name of "harmony". And could the Boston tea > party been averted by the colonists if Britain had named the tax > the "harmony tax". I think you miss-heard your Canadian friend telling you that it was a harmonica tax, because they were fining you for playing your harmonica in public. > But I sympathisize with Canada in that it has > one tenth the population of the USA but its geographical lands is > larger than the USA and so Canada needs the taxes to provide these > services. And Canada has a Natl. sales tax, and I figure that > before too long, the USA will enact a Natl sales tax. But their > is no tax on essential foodstuffs in Canada such as potatoes or > meats or milk or even Breyers premium ice cream. > And so one would expect the maintenance of roads and the Eisenhower > Interstate Expressways. I saw this Eisenhower billboard of > Interstate in Maine and some president of the US should be > accredited for the building of the US Interstate system for it > is one of the best achievements by the US. > Sunday, 22Aug on the last 200 miles from returning to New > Hampshire. My speedometer reads 4203 miles and so I will have > averaged roughly 1,100 miles on the four legs of the two trips > to Canada. The first drive was the longest because I went > through Quebec. And the last two legs were the easiest and > quickest because I stayed on Expressways all the way. I got a > chance to see Mt. Kathadin on I-95 just at dusk on 21Aug. > Listened to four religious radio stations and Maine Public > Radio for 3 hours. And I have a suggestion for all religious > radio stations. Cut out all the sermons RELIGIOUS RADIO STATIONS WITHOUT THE RELIGIOUS STUFF! GENIUS! > and preachings and just play songs continuously except for the > news. And to intersperse in the song playing at least one familar > hymn after about every 5 unfamilar songs. And change all the nouns to "Plutonium." And make raspberries and candy come out of the front of the car radio. > For that 3 hours I switched back and forth > there was only one familar hymn-- How Great Thou Art, and all > the rest were unrecognizable songs. > > Even though the Expressways are toll, they are a better deal > than the long and windy, stop and go roads. And I would hazard > to guess that the Expressways are safer (statistics?) than the > roads regarding accidents. And although an accident on the > expressway could easily become a fatality. The chances of an > accident occurring on expressways is much less than the chances > on roads. The stop and go of roads, and the increased variances > of roads over expressways makes the chances of an > accident on roads greater. At least that is my guess. You should do some more research into the subject. Collect some more data on the frequency of accidents. Keep driving around the most dangerous roads all day. > And returning to New Hampshire, my mind feels settled with my > new home-base in Canada. I had a unusual craving for donuts Oh, like it's unusual for Archie to have a craving for something with sugar in it. > from the Hanover COOP foodstore of raised unglazed donuts and cake > donuts, perhaps the oils in donuts is the craving? And I craved > microwaved (baked) potatoes with butter, pepper, sour cream and > fresh chives, and a new fad for me, instead of hassling with > a charcoaled steak, I get dried beef slices wherein the meat is > over 90% lean meat and saves me all the work of preparing a > steak. But in Canada, at Sobeys I found a beautiful food > dinners of their pizzas and their buffalo-chicken-wings. Now I > need a home in Florida, but before I travel down there, I need > to finish my computer web sites, that is the main thing on my > mind for 23Aug to date of departure on world tour of famous > scientists starting 23Sep99. But that's too late. The late Dr. Abian's plan to blow up the Moon goes into effect on September 13th. After that, there might not be a Florida. Depending on where the craters land when they fall off the Moon. > add to movie Transition Phase > > my websites: > http://www.galstar.com/~ichudov/ppl/ap/index.html > http://www.newphys.se/elektromagnum/physics/LudwigPlutonium/ Have you considered buying a home in Sweden to be near your Web site? -- K. "I've been to one World's fair, a picnic, and a ro-de-o, and that's the dumbest thing that ever came over the Internet." -- Slim Pickens, "Dr. Strangelove" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,soc.history.science,talk.philosophy.misc From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Transition Phase; AP mission to visit the famous scientists Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 07:13:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > In soc.history.science and talk.philosophy.misc, > Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > > > For Saturday, for dessert to my dinner at my cabin, I had > > Cadbury fruit and nut bar with pickings of fresh blackberries > > off of my property. > > can you say Unabom? Except for the part about the Cadbury bar. I don't know, I don't think Archie could be a mad bomber. That would mean he'd have to master bomb-making. The *science* of bomb-making. You know, his scientific prowess (if any) would be more readily appreciated if he'd stop calling himself "The King of Science". We'd all respect him if he'd just change his title to "King Duh of Whatever the Opposite of Science Is." Then he'd get his Nobel prize for sure. -- K. Or at least the opposite of one. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: zoek lucide dromers in Antwerpen Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 07:16:10 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.dreams.lucid, "ludwig.caubergh" (ludwig.caubergh@ping.be) wrote: > > Subject: zoek lucide dromers in Antwerpen Allow me to translate this article on Zork Lucite One-Hump Camels in Antwerp. > Hallo, Jello, > Ik woon in antwerpen en ben al 5 jaar Pickle balloons in Antwerp have had all 5 hairs > bezig met lucide dromen, beside metropolitan lucite aerodromes, > ik zoek soortgenoten and Zork snorts sooty snot > in antwerpen en omgeving om ervaringen in Antwerp and giving me Orangina and Oranjeboom > op dit gebied te delen groeten with op art and dits and dahs with the great deleted fried gerbil. Thus endeth the language lesson for today. -- K. Now, please use all your new vocabulary words in a sentence. On TV. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Whose Loin Is It Anyway? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 06:12:18 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Today, at a local supermarket, I noted that they had both President's Choice brand frozen cod fillets and President's Choice brand frozen haddock fillets. Which, I believe, proves Dr. Matt McIrvin wrong when he claimed that haddock and cod tasted the same, because obviously President's Choice couldn't have two products that were really the same! (The President of Canada forbids it!) Anyhow, to make a long story short, I bought a box of frozen "Salt & Malt" flavored haddock fillets. Made with synthetic vinegar that smells just like ordinary household photo-processing chemicals. They weren't bad, and were very neat and rectangular at all four corners. The fine print on the box explains that these fish pucks are made from COD LOIN FILLETS. Cod... loins? Cods have loins? (CUT TO A CRUDELY-DRAWN CAVEMAN, WEARING ONLY WHAT APPEARS TO BE AN UPSIDE-DOWN THONG, RUNNING AROUND YELLING "FISH GOT LOINS! FISH GOT LOINS!" AND THEN TALKING ABOUT HOW EVOLUTION SHOULD NOT BE TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS.) Sorry for the Johnny Hart moment. But... according to President's Choice (la Choix du President), COD HAVE LOINS! This means I've been eating FISH THIGHS. FISH THIGHS! FISH THIGHS! RUN FOR THE HILLS, THEY'VE DISCOVERED FISH THIGHS! -- K. Now I know why they're called cod pieces. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Chess grandmaster defeated by eight-year-old Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 06:20:19 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor l'Agence France-Presse just floated this onto the wire service: > > LONDON, Aug 30 (AFP) - An eight-year-old British chess whizz-kid > went down in history Sunday as the youngest player to beat a > grandmaster. So how many days until they release the second movie, where he turns into Darth Vader? > David Howell, a schoolboy from Seaford in eastern England, > flummoxed grandmaster John Nunn who is more than 30 years his senior > in a rapid-play exhibition match in London. Oh, kids can flummox ANYBODY. > "I'm quite excited by the win, I thought I was going to lose > quite badly," said David, who started to play chess at the age of > five and is national under-10 champion. Yes, but amazingly, he still can't master the intricacies of noughts and crosses!* * He's British, so I couldn't say "tic-tac-toe". > His father Martin, a doctor, said after the match: "I taught him > to play and he made sense of the game very quickly, in about an > afternoon." Oh, as if chess makes SENSE. -- K. Remember, just like in real life, bishops can only move diagonally, knights can jump their horses over people, and castles move faster than people. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibological Intelligence Report #27-A9 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 08:52:50 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Stefan Elisa Kapusniak (stefan.kapus@zetnet.co.uk) wrote: > > > SIRENS! ALL ABOUT ME SIRENS! CLAD ONLY IN HEAPS > and HEAPS OF WARM SPAGHETTI, BEARING BREADSTICKS > AND OTHER TEMPATIONS TO THE SENSES OF TASTE AND > TOUCH AND SMELL!!! Well, if you don't like sirens, you shouldn't have joined Civil Defense! -- K. MMM, SPAGHETTI IN A FALLOUT SHELTER! MMMMMM, FALLOUTY! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.engr,talk.philosophy.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 31Aug99 Transition Phase Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 06:29:24 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.engr and talk.philosophy.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Today I had my first service on my Toyota pickup of about 4,200 > miles with an oil, oil filter change and check-up. For you or the car? > [...] > > I bought a Toyota bed-mat of a heavy rubber. The brochure says > " Helps protect truck bed from scratches, dents and corrosion. > Heavy duty rubber mat resists cracking and breaking in adverse > weather conditions. Molded raised ribs allow for easy loading and > unloading of cargo, while also reducing cargo movement." Archie's next morning ritual: reading the back of his Froot Loops box. To us. > And the name bed-mat is appropriate for the cargo that I have > in mind is my body, in that I like to sleep on it rather than > a piece of plywood. RUBBER IS MORE FUN TO SLEEP ON THAN PLYWOOD! GENIUS! GIVE THAT MAN A NOBEL PRIZE FOR COMING A TENTH OF THE WAY TO DISCOVERING THE MATTRESS! > I like hard surfaces rather than soft beds. > I have scoleosis of the back, known as runners back and a hard > surface is better. And let's not forget that you also suffer from an ingrown head. > [...] > > After getting the Toyota serviced I had an errand to run. And > convenient it was that the Greyhound bus terminal is a few doors > down from the Toyota dealership. I had scheduled my first > excursion to Burlington Vermont at 3:30 in the morning. I wanted > a more comfortable hour of departure and so changed that ticket. Just out of curiosity, Arch, now that you have a well-cared for purple Toyota pickup truck, why are you riding Greyhound to go from New Hampshire to Vermont? At 3:30 A.M. when there's nothing open in New England except pornography shops? > Then I decided to check the shopping malls for a grass whip, Oh, those pornography stores aren't near MALLS. You gotta go downtown. > long handled sickle. Out in South Dakota > 1986-1987 I had three of these tools, one a grass whip of just a > thin blade, like a golfing iron with a thin blade. Second was a > sturdier grass whip of a blade but the blade is attached at both > ends to a U shaped iron that connects to the handle. Third was a > long handled sickle (not the huge harvesting sickles or sycthes). > With these three tools I used to clean out the weeds and grasses. Have you considered just inserting a Q-Tip? I mean, sticking a grass whip into your ear canal can't be all that healthy for a mad scientist. > And in Canada I wanted these tools again but could not find a > store that carries them. So I heard that Sears had some and sure > enough they had the U shaped double blade sided grass whip, Archimedes Plutonium-inspired Irish rock band name #26: U SHAPED DOUBLE BLADE SIDE GRASS WHIP > and on top of that, they give a lifetime-warranty on their grass whip. > I quickly bought it, because just recently I encountered a > lifetime warranty claim on a ThermoRest mattress which bubbled. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired acid rock band name #27: THE BUBBLING MATTRESS > I am beginning to appreciate items that are lifetime warranted > and seek those items out. And whilst in Sears I wanted to see if > they had any Olympic Stain of color mistakes Archimedes Plutonium-inspired gangsta rap band name #28: ARCHIE D AND THE STAIN OF COLOR MISTAKES > of one dollar a gallon. I was in luck in that they had 7 gallons > of color I wanted. Out in South Dakota I managed to stain my farmhouse > with a dark green, Archie, "pea green paint" is spelled p-e-*A*. Keep your bladder control problems off the Internet. (The wires might rust.) > all from paint mistakes of a few dollars per gallon. But I stood > there in the aisle pondering whether to get them for about 15 minutes. In the movie of your life, this will be the pivotal scene. Will there be tuba-and-flute background music during the unbroken shot of you standing motionless in the middle of Sears thinking about your favorite colors of mistaken paint? Or will you just go the documentary route and superimpose a digital clock in the corner? > I had a dilemma for I want to stain > my Halifax cabin with a dark green stain and the price is right > but the trouble is that I will be there around the first week > of Nov and soon to depart for Europe. Will you keep making trips from Europe to the Dartmouth library so you can post to the Internet, like you've been doing from your home in Halifax? (It's lucky for you that Halifax is so close to Dartmouth.) > Do I want to come off of a 45 tour of the USA, quick quick stain a cabin > and then off to Europe? Looking at the stain ingredients I see it is > water based, but my South Dakota staining was all oil based Olympic Stain. Must... stay... awake... to... mock... remainder... of... article... water... based... zzzzzzz. > Perhaps oil based stains are no longer made? And so, realizing > that Nov is getting into freezing temperatures and that Nov > weather may not be conducive for staining and that such a narrow > window of work before going to Europe, I scooted the 7 stain > cans back under the counter. Even though a great bargain and > exactly what I needed, looks as though I better stain the cabin > during the hot months of summer. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't want a stainless cabin. When the Federal Marshalls come to drag you out of your little six-by-six cabin where you've been typing your Manifesto, you want to have a nice stainy cabin. > So, I went then to a hardware store on the way home for more > tool shopping and found the grass whip, and another tool like a > long handled sickle call a bushwhacker made by Ames. I used to > buy alot of Ames tools in South Dakota. You can't fool me, Ames is in Iowa! I know because that was where that guy who wanted to blow up the Moon lived. > This bushwacker looks almost like a long handled sickle except that it > is not at a 90 degree angle from the handle that a long handled sickle is. A very acute observation for one so obtuse. > So, I was thinking to myself in the store. If I bought these two > more whips, then like out in South Dakota and out in Moab Utah, > I would again have the same number of grass taking care of tools. > Except for the untried bushwacker tool. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired left-wing protest band name #29: UNTRIED BUSHWHACKER TOOL > And this situation reminded me of my theory that history repeats > in cycles only in a newer cycle there is an improvement over the > previous cycle. Yeah, things seldom improve during those periods where the newer cycles come BEFORE the older cycles. > A spice kicker so to speak. Archimdes Plutonium-inspired talentless all-girl dance band name #30: THE SPICE KICKERS > So I was wondering in the store on whether to buy this bushwacker > for it costs almost twice as much as any of the other two whips. Archimedes Plutonium. A man who knows his whips. > And I let my theory make the decision that this bushwacker tool is > the spice kicker improvement in this new cycle where I get 3 different > types of grass whips, 2 of which are identical to the Moab 3 and the > South Dakota 3, but the bushwacker vice long handled sickle may be the > improvement. Must... not... fall... into... coma... > And I bought this Victor mousetrap also. What if the mouse isn't named Victor? > And I asked whether they carry these screwdrivers of a square tip that > Canada has many of its screws now come with a square tip. Oh, yeah, them screws is a Canadian defense secret that they can't export to the United States. > I bought square tipped screws and screwdriver in Canada. Their > advantage is that they do not slip out as easy as regular screws > or philips head. And I reflected back to the hexagonal screws that > so many of my bicycle screws are. That the hexagonl pattern is > one of the most pitiful engineering designs ever used. That's why bumblebees can't fly. Because their hives keep collapsing on them. Poor crushed bees! > I have a hex set for my bicycle I have a hex, set for YOU. > but silly engineering is that the small > hex becomes not a tightener but acts just the reverse as a drill > bit. As the size of hex drivers decreases, they become not > tighteners of hex screws but rather instead they are drills and > they turn the hex screw top into rounding off the corners such > that you thence need to get the screw out because the head is > stripped-round. In situations where the hex screw is stripped > I have sometimes used a vise-grip-wrench. But it is good that > a lousy system of hex wrenches will be replaced by a square head > system. So, when were you replaced by a square head system? > Like a cycle, I am repeating many of the events of my earlier > living. It is commonsense that we as individuals repeat actions > that worked for us earlier and thus call these repetitions as > cycles. But does history overall have repetitions and > thus cycles? I claim history is just a vast physics experiment > completed and since it is physics, physics has harmonic oscillators > and hence cycles. Aspects of history repeat, only with a > spice kicker improvement in newer cycles. IN FUTURE CYCLES, UNICYCLES WILL HAVE TWO WHEELS! > file in Transition Phase movie > > my websites: > http://www.galstar.com/~ichudov/ppl/ap/index.html > http://www.newphys.se/elektromagnum/physics/LudwigPlutonium/ I still want to know why you left your Web site in Sweden when you moved from your private Caribbean island to Halifax. -- K. I BET YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO SWEDEN! YOU JUST STAYED ON YOUR PRIVATE ISLAND!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.engr,talk.philosophy.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 31Aug99 Transition Phase Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 08:21:34 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Sager (sager@fnord.Flashmail.com) wrote: > > Leader Kibo, do you have a list of Archmides Plutonium inspired band names? > I need a name for a new group I'm starting! Fortunately, I've keep a record of every great thing Archimedes Plutonium has ever inspired. And they all happen to be band names. This file lists the date I dibsed each name (the dates are in Greenwich Mean Time, taken from the headers of the articles in question, in case you want to convert them back to Earth time) and I will sell you the name of your choice for FIVE INTERNET DOLLARS. But remember, I called dibs on these, so using any of them without paying me FIVE INTERNET DOLLARS will result in your prosecution and possible time in INTERNET VIRTUAL JAIL. ---------------- Archimedes Plutonium-inspired band name log ---------------- 10/5/98 22:22 (#1) I think I'm going to start a heavy-metal band named "Archie's Other Nasties". 10/5/98 22:39 (#2) I'm going to start another new heavy-metal band called "Lose Marbled Babble", and we're going to play only Plutonium hymns. 10/5/98 23:13 (#3) I have the urge to start another heavy-metal rock band named "The Powerful Rib-Crunching Of Archie Pu". ibid Plutonium-inspired heavy metal band name #4: Imaginary Plutonium Slap-Fight 10/9/98 09:15 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired heavy metal rock band name #5: SEEPING PEDANTS 10/10/98 07:03 Hannu, can I rename my heavy-metal rock band "Hanna-Maria's Distended Cheeks"? 10/29/98 06:52 Plutonium-inspired acid rock band name #6: "Plutonium Brain Fungus" 10/29/98 06:58 Archimedes Plutonium-Inspired Reggae Band Name #7: "Remove The Baloney Out" 10/29/98 07:10 Archimedes Plutonium-Inspired Seattle Grunge Rock Band Name #8: "Archie's Thousand Corroded Distractions" 10/29/98 07:24 Archimedes Plutonium-Inspired Underground Band Name #9: "Only I Can Act Dopey" 12/3/98 06:13 Plutonium-Inspired Funkadelic Rock Band Name #10: "Three-Legged Doodle The Hut" 12/10/98 23:15 Archimedes Plutonium-inpsired Lame Roger Moore James Bond Movie Title #11: "A View To An Idiot" 12/11/98 09:11 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired heavy metal band name #12: "SEARCHENGINEBOMBING DEFINED" 12/16/98 07:04 Archie Plutonium-inspired heavy-metal band name #13: GOD NEEDS HEAVY ELEMENTS 12/20/98 07:14 ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM-INSPIRED PSYCHEDELIC ROCK BAND NAME #14: ARCHIE'S PEP CANDY SUCKER BAR PITCH 12/25/98 05:44 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired heavy metal rock band name #15: Polluted Baloney Threads 4/13/99 06:57 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired rock band name #16: ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM'S NUCLEAR FARTS 6/24/99 04:43 ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM-INSPIRED ACID ROCK BAND NAME #17: Archie's Ejectable Brain 6/27/99 02:28 ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM-INSPIRED SEATTLE GRUNGE ROCK BAND NAME #18: Archie Sees The Pragmatic Ghosts 6/27/99 02:49 Archimedes Plutonium-Inspired Death Metal Rock Band Name #19: Archie's Gore Texshell 7/5/99 21:26 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired episode of "The Archies" #20: ARCHIE HAS HIS MOLD FROZEN OFF 7/8/99 01:26 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired psychedelic rock band name #21: ARCHIE'S PUFFY EGGS 8/26/99 08:06 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired Hanna-Barbera cartoon rock band name #22: KING OF SCIENCE AND THE MOUSE INCREASER ibid Archimedes Plutonium-inspired reggae band name #23: GRASS BAZOOKA 8/30/99 06:10 > I aim to McDonaldilization real-estate. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired alternative rock band name #24: ...naah, too easy. 8/31/99 06:39 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired heavy metal rock band name #25: STAY IN EVILDOM! 9/3/99 06:29 Archimedes Plutonium-inspired Irish rock band name #26: U SHAPED DOUBLE BLADE SIDE GRASS WHIP ibid Archimedes Plutonium-inspired acid rock band name #27: THE BUBBLING MATTRESS ibid Archimedes Plutonium-inspired gangsta rap band name #28: ARCHIE D AND THE STAIN OF COLOR MISTAKES ibid Archimedes Plutonium-inspired left-wing protest band name #29: UNTRIED BUSHWHACKER TOOL ibid Archimdes Plutonium-inspired talentless all-girl dance band name #30: THE SPICE KICKERS -- K. Someone should name their band "The Archimedes Plutoniums". And then go around kicking the Spice Girls. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: FINAL WORD ON EVOLUTION Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 06:55:18 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In talk.religion.misc, "BIBLE DOCTOR" (obves@aol.com) wrote: > > Subject: FINAL WORD ON EVOLUTION > > The misunderstanding of the Book of Genesis is the main reason of this > great commotion regarding the evolution which I found reconcilable with > the passages of Genesis 1 if we add Yahweh's actions > to it!!!It seems to me that people who claim to be Christians (many of > them) have no idea who is Yahweh and how He is working.He creates > the world constantly at any moment somewhere raindrops are being > formed,snow,frost,clouds,stars etc.,etc.What are they talking about?! > Everything Yahweh creates and scientists are allowed to expalin many of > these various phenomena in scientific terms as long they acknowledge > the workings of God Yahweh behind them!The evolution ideally fits in > the story of creation in the Book of Genesis. I agree with you, you just had the FINAL WORD ON EVOLUTION. You'll be proved right provided that nobody responds to your article. Whoops. Sorry, I just ruined it. Back to the ol' drawing board, eh? > The days given are not to be taken literally as the 24-hour days > started later on on the fourth day of creation!For God Yahweh there > are no seperate days and nights;all arevthe same as He fills up the > whole universe;He's not a human being! BIBLE DOCTOR { OBVES@aol.com} So, if I could fill up my entire bathtub, would that make me the god of the bathtub? What if I filled it with Jell-O? Would be be god of the bathtub AND the god of Jell-O, or just the god of bathtubs filled with Jell-O? -- K. I also liked the way you capitalized the first letter of "God" to indicate respect, "BIBLE DOCTOR". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibo's new look Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 07:07:47 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Leah Verre (leahv@humongous.com) wrote: > > Well, it's Fall, and you know what that means! It's time to throw out > the old, and welcome in the new ... wardrobe, that is! > > [...] > Kibo wasn't overly thrilled with me when my fabulous team of Fashion > Fighters made their way into his modest apartment in the small hours > of the morning. In fact, he was quite surprised to discover that the > police lock bar was no match for my team of experts! > > [...] > Those rubber shoes are OUT, my friends! No more galoshes for our dear > Kibo, nosiree! This is the first time an Internet article ever made me want to cry. I LIKE GALOSHES! I DON'T LIKE MITTENS! It is very important that I be allowed to hold those two opinions in case I'm ever put in a mental institution, so that I'll have something to contribute to the discussion among the inmates. I LIKE GALOSHES! I DON'T LIKE MITTENS! ONCE I HAD JELL-O! JELL-O FEELS COLD! > [...] > Kibo's collection of "I (heart) Brigham Circle" turtlenecks have been > shot out into space and replaced with something much, much more his > style. I know what you're thinking. We're thinking "Wait, since when did Kibo wear anything that had stripes or checks, let alone words, on it?" CLOTHES SHOULD NOT HAVE TEXTURE! Except for corduroy. Which should still make that sound, but be otherwise smooth. And hard to spell. Exactly which king's heart is ground up in ever batch of Garanimals corduroy? > You're thinking "She's going to say 'bees'. Oh, how obvious could you > possibly be here!? No, no no, you are SO wrong, dearest fashion devotees!!! BEES ARE NEVER WRONG. BEES ARE GOOD. I LIKE GALOSHES! > No, we have made Kibo a selection of shirts made from .. are you sitting > down? ... from PURE TEXAN STINGING FIRE ANTS!!! We have doused these ants > in capsicum oil for a bonus of pure invigoration, too!! Now, aren't you > smacking your forehead with an obvious bag?? There's a lot of smacking going on on this here Internet tonight. > Kibo, THROW that black windbreaker OUT THE WINDOW! That monks robe? > It's YESTERDAY'S NEWS! Instead, please wear this hand-crafted > whiffle-ball collection!! Why break wind when you can embrace it, I > always say! I think you were supposed to say "We've added a wimple to your monk's robe for a change of habit." WHEN NOT IN USE SHALL KEEP JOKE TO OBVIOUS POLYBAG. Ha! I said the first "TOUNGE OF FROG" reference anyone's made in DAYS! > I wish I could go on further, Oh, I wish your Fashionazis could go on MUCH further, in a straight line, about ninety-three million miles towards the sunrise. > but I have to go now, my good, dear, > loving, adorable, sexy bunch of chums! I'll be sure and update you at > a later date regarding Kibo's new line of accessories, including > gold-plated cattle prods and spectacles made of used teething rings! > Until then, you'll just have to contain your excitement! > And always remember: If you're not thinking about how you look, then > you are a dumbass! This is a parody of those stupid "My Mac is prettier than your Pee-Cee" flamewars, right? -- K. Clothes are for the weak and/or lumpy. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibo's new look Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sun, 5 Sep 1999 03:54:06 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > > > > Exactly which king's heart is ground up in ever batch of > > Garanimals corduroy? > > It's very hard to explain Garanimals to today's youth. "Imagine all Nike clothes come only in Crips colors and all Adidas clothes come only in Bloods colors. So, depending on whether you're a Crip or a Blood, just shop in the right half of Sears and all your clothes will go together just like a prominent fashion designer's running your gang." -- K. Also, iBook owners are required by law to shop at the Gap, and people on the original "Star Trek" are required to shop in the Bauhaus. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibo's new look Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 09:15:22 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Proc", who has a made-up E-mail address, wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > CLOTHES SHOULD NOT HAVE TEXTURE! > > > > Except for corduroy. Which should still make that sound, but be > > otherwise smooth. And hard to spell. > > Corduroy: The music of your crotch. I thought that's what leather was for. Corduroy is for making people think you're wearing snow pants when you're not. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOUR MOM EVER MADE YOU WEAR SNOW PANTS! RAISE YOUR OTHER HAND IF YOUR MOM STILL DOES! IN THE SUMMER! It's interesting that corduroy is the only "mainstream" fabric (I'm not counting plastic snow pants) that makes loud noises when you walk, especially if you're knock-kneed or have Torgo-sized thighs. I think that an interesting new frontier of fashion would be for someone to design some new fabrics that make specific noises, so that your pants could go "BOING! BOING!" or maybe "DEEDLIE-deedlie-DEEDLIE-deedlie" when you walk. Perhaps with enough research into this, someone will come up with a way to make harem pants that play the "I Dream of Jeannie" theme. -- K. They have sneakers for kids with lights that flash when then walk. It would be trivial to add a sound chip so that they shout "CRUSH! CRUSH! CRUSH!" when you step on a tiny insect. (It's too tiring to yell it yourself.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Wackiness Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 07:33:07 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Beable "van" Polasm (beable@my-deja.com) wrote: > > I think it's only fair to warn you that wacky > stuff is happening in Japan. > [...] a major bank is going to start selling > hamburgers. In a team-up with Makudonarudo > (MacDonalds), the Yokohama Bank will install > hamburger counters next to its teller windows. "Please I would like to deposit these fries sir." > THEN YOU CAN DO YOUR BANKING AND GET A HAMBURGER > AT THE SAME TIME!!!1! AT LAST! I get my hamburgers from the ATM. Know why they call White Castle burgers "sliders"? It's because their square, squishy shape helps 'em slide out through the slot. I can usually eat a whole hamburger before the ATM eats my card. > Soon Doktor Aaron will be selling burgers. How do you know he doesn't? He selling them illegally from his residential-zoned basement. By mail. > Also, the Dreamcast console TV game now has > EMAIL CAPABILITY! YAY! Somebody for WebTV'ers > to make fun of! The net gets a NEW lowest > common denominator! Doktor Aaron will be able > to be PROUD to have a WebTV instead of using a > crummy old Dreamcast. Two words: Bandai AtWorld. Aka "Apple Pippin". THAT would be the funniest thing for a bozo to post from, the $500 diskless crippled Web/game terminal made from half a Mac and nothing else. They allegedly sold a few hundred in Japan before they wrote off ENORMOUS quantities of unsold inventory. I loved the "retrun" key on the prototype I saw. (I've made light of these technological stillbirths before -- I've even seen my Web site from one which was running Netscape Navigator from a CD-ROM. I have not seen one of these units since the trade show where the Apple representative enjoyed a hearty laugh after he told me the price.) I am really sad that the AtWorld never caught on, because we could have had such fun making fun of these kids posting from halves of Macs connected to TV sets, keying in Internet posts from their little Nintendo-style game controllers. Oh, and according to a 3-D image on Bandai's Web site, the fake Nintendo controller on the AtWorld had a cord stiff enough that the cord held up the controller all by itself. Except it bobbed up and down when you looked at it from the back. Just think, a video game machine slash tee-vee Internet terminal co-designed by Apple and the people who make the Power Rangers toys. A match made in heaven. It's just too bad Apple lost their "@world.com" domain name so that now you never see losers posting from @world.com. -- K. Although the Game*Line cartridge for the Atari 2600 would be more pathetic, it would also be cooler, so we won't make fun of Nick Bensema if he ever posts from one. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Wackiness Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 08:33:28 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > > I'm Searching Igloos Next Month Through Underwear You NASA doubledomes come up with the craziest ways of remembering the names of all the dinosaurs in the Main Sequence. So, Dean, let me ask you this: On the back glass of the "Apollo 13" pinball machine, the illustration shows little pictures of Gary Sinise and Ed Harris in Mission Control, and then big pictures of the two astronauts on the mission, Kevin Bacon and Mission Commander Richard Nixon. I realize that Tom Hanks is too much of a stuck-up big shot to let people pay him to put his photograph on something -- I mean, he's a movie star, it's not like he has to be in movies AND have his face reproduced by mechanical means -- but was it really any cheaper for them to buy rights to the late Richard Nixon for the pinball machine? Unfortunately, he's standing behind someone, so I can't see if the patch on the front of his spacesuit says "HANKS" or "NIXON". Also, when the pinball machine displays an animation of the astronaut barfing in zero gravity, why is it a profile shot of the head of Ed Harris? I realize that Apollo 13 had a lot of serious problems, but I don't remember them losing the artificial gravity in Mission Control. But getting back to Richard Nixon being America's most beloved astronaut, I have a photograph of this pinball machine to prove it, taken at great risk of having my legs broken -- the only place I've seen this pinball machine is at the nameless Mafia-run arcade (the one which used to not have ANY sign on the outside, and now says "THE ARCADE") with the enormous overkill ventilation system cranked up high and the volume of all the machines cranked up high and the radio playing rap music cranked up high and two (two!) tame cops standing around in the front, all to keep you from accidentally hearing the noises coming from the secret back room where people go in and slam the door really hard really fast. After taking only ONE photo (a new record) an employee came over and told me to stop, and I skeedaddled. Apparently you're not allowed to photograph the pinball machine you're playing just in case you have one of those special X-ray cameras that can see through the pinball machine into the room where the printing press is stamping tiny pornography onto the side of LSD tablets, or something. And the person whose seemingly innocent E-mail led me to go play pinball today was... Leah Verre. And now you know the rest of the story! -- K. If my legs get broken, I'm sending the bill for my bionic legs to Leah Verre. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Breakaway Convention: Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 08:00:27 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > I hope everyone who is not attending the TMSE-ARKPLE[1] next week will > be attending the Breakaway Con in Los Angeles, celebrating the > destruction of the Earth by the gravitational upheaval caused by the > Moon shooting off into outer space, which will cause the Earth's outer > mantle to collapse AND THEN FINALLY THE CREATURES LIVING INSIDE THE > EARTH'S HOLLOW CORE WILL BE FREE TO KILL AND RAPE AND PILLAGE AND > DESTROY EVERYTHING! YOU MANIACS! YOU DID IT! YOU FINALLY DID IT! > > Hey, that felt GOOD! I agree -- everyone who is incapable of attending the September 11th Alt.Religion.Kibology Party-Ish Boring Afternoon, due to illness, cheapness, or unsanitaryness, should, nay, MUST go to the "Breakaway" convention in Los Angeles, because I WOULD IF I COULD (cheap, not unsanitary) and SOMEONE BETTER TAKE LOTS OF PHOTOS FOR ME! > Anyway, scheduled and confirmed attendance to the Space:1999 Convention > as of today, Aug 31 ("T Minus 13"): > > Barbara Bain Dr. Helena Russell > Johnny Byrne Script Editor, Writer > Prentis Hancock Controller Paul Morrow > Martin Landau Commander John Koenig > Zienia Merton Data Analyst Sandra Benes > Barry Morse Professor Victor Bergman > Anton Phillips Dr. Bob Mathias > Nick Tate Captain Alan Carter > John Muir Author, Exploring Space: 1999 I wonder how many millions of dollars they had to get Martin Landau to be in a roomful of drooling fanboys who will refer to him as "Commander Koenig of Moonbase Alpha" and ask him what each button on his commlock did and why the "1" on his spacesuit was in the Moore Computer font in the first season but changed to Helvetica in the second season. And how many more millions of dollars they had to pay him to get him to be near his ex-wife, Barbara Bain. And how many more billions of dollars they had to pay him to let them list him below Prentiss Hancock ("the guy with no personality and no clearly defined function who disappeared between seasons and nobody noticed, unlike Barry Morse and whose name is spelled with two S's, David.") Also, if Maya could only change into a different form for an hour, why didn't she just change into a version of Maya who COULD change into anything for more than an hour? And, since they kept saying she could only change into creatures she had seen, what's with the episode where she turns into the ugly, fat version of Maya? In "The Bringers of Wonder, Part 2", she turned into a Japanese guy in Kendo armor -- I understand how her Rudi Gernrich "moon city costume" could change into a Kendo outfit, but how did she make that pencil turn into the quarterstaff? Is the pencil part of her body? Does it hurt when she sharpens her pencil? Also, if she can magically change clothes, then why did she have to put on a spacesuit before going outside a few minutes later? And then why did she wait until after going outside to change into the Space Gorilla that didn't need a spacesuit? Where did the spacesuit go? Did it go to the same place that Lynda Carter's purse goes when she twirls around? Also, at the convention, be sure to ask Barry Morse what he thinks of the tankful of soap suds you've brought. > The following guests have been invited, but have thrown the invitation > away and so the Con organizers haven't heard back from them: > > Tony Anholt Security Officer Tony Verdeschi > Roy Dotrice Commissioner Simmonds > Clifton Jones Computer Technician David Kano > Christopher Penfold Script Editor, Writer > > I can see how Tony Anholt might be too busy to attend, considering he's > got all that acting work to do ever since Space:1999 made him a star. I can see it now: CLIFTON JONES: I'll take one more question, from the guy with the two-tone hair. MATT McIRVIN: Kano, you are best know for your anguished delivery of the line "But Computer CANNOT be wrong!" Now that it is actually 1999, has modern technology proved you were right? CLIFTON JONES: Jeez, now I wish they'd replaced my character before the FIRST season. THE END! > > Declined Guests > > The following invited guests have officially declined our invitations: > > HARLAN ELLISON Waah! They didn't even send me an invitation! > > Gerry Anderson, Executive Producer and Creator. Gerry was very > > interested in coming, but couldn't due to recent health (back) problems > > which make it difficult for him to fly. > > AND BOY ARE HIS ARMS TIRED! HAW HAW HAW! They could just send Donald Pleasence in his place. The two of them really look alike, and sound alike. Except I think only Gerry's CAREER is dead. > > Brian Johnson, Special Effects Supervisor. Brian was very interested > > in coming, but he starts a new project in September. He sends his > > regrets. Cool! This means they're finally making the "Battlestar: Galactica" movie! > ...on a black&white video recording which explodes at the end of the > message, after remaining perfectly static for about five seconds. Gerry > Anderson and Lou Step Productions (the people behind "Dukes of Hazzard") > are masters at showing stuff flying through the air and then cutting to > a picture of said object resting comfortably on the ground before > spontaneously exploding. Yeah, but you gotta admit, the model work on "Space: 1999" was so good, you could have sworn it was Derek Meddings's. I always liked that the Moonbase model was detailed enough that they propped it up behind the actors whenever they went cavorting on the Moon's surface, so that it looked like they were really in front of the Moonbase. And much taller than it. (Seriously, Brian Johnson's model work was the very best thing about "Space: 1999". In fact, it may have been the only good thing about it, unless you could Rudi Gernrich's daring low-gravity high-water bellbottom pants.) > > Catherine Schell, Maya. Catherine had planned on attending, but her > > stepson has since decided to get married during the week of the con. > > Also, she is nursuing a close family member who has recently taken ill. > > Also, she just couldn't be bothered. Also, that's the weekend she's > shaving her sideburns. They weren't sideburns. They were smears of chocolaty goodness because she was eating chocolate-covered cherries and missed and shoved one into each ear. Ever notice how, in early second-season episodes, not only did she have those two big brown stripes spray-painted onto each cheek, but they painted her EARS solid brown too? > Hey was it just a coincidence that Catherine Schell was in "Moon Zero > Two" as well as "Space:1999", or was she just typecast from the first > movie? I'm just worried that her missing the convention to attend to an ill relative is direct fallout from those mean robots on "Mystery Science Theater: 3000" making fun of Maximillian Schell's "Hamlet". (I missed half the jokes in that episode because I kept shouting, "THROOOOOUGH THE BLACK HOLE -- AAAAAAAND BEYOND!") > > Keith Wilson, Production Designer. Keith is currently working on a > > project. > > Project: avoid association with sci-fi dreck from the mid 70's. THE AVOIDERS. New on NBC. > Space:2100 (or "Destination Moonbase Alpha") had a theme song that was > sung by a guy called Oliver Onions. I could make some cutting remark, > but it would probably make him cry. Plus, it started with a terrible > narration that begins "Far out into the galaxy of the universe..." But > it starred Cher! "Destination: Moonbase Alpha" (aka "The Bringers of Wonder, Part 1 & 2") was a ''movie'' made by editing together two "Space: 1999" episodes, in which not much happened (the plot was so slow, they HAD to make it a two-parter.) They clipped off the "Space: 1999" title sequence in order to properly fool you into thinking it was a ''movie'' and added a faux "Star Wars" perspective-expository-crawl. We are informed: (a) in the expository crawl, it is the year 2100; (b) later in the same crawl, it is "the beginning of the 21st century"; (c) in Barbara Bain's log entry a few minutes later, it is nineteen-hundred-something days after leaving Earth orbit; (d) in a later episode, someone says that it's "months" since they left Earth orbit, and that (e) this means "generations" have gone by on Earth. That's FIVE different dates for the same "Space: 1999" episode, assuming they left Earth on September 13, 1999. Not like it really mattered what day the boring episode with the shower-curtain imitations of the monsters from "It Came From Outer Space" transpired, but you'd think that someone writing an episode of a big-budget sci-fi epic would have the sense to NOT CHANGE THE CENTURY A COUPLE TIMES DURING THE OPENING NARRATION. Fun fact: The first episode, "Breakaway", began on September 9, 1999. Later episodes flashed "SEPTEMBER!!! 13th!!! 1999!!!" to the tune of futuristic disco music. So, you see, there will be four days advance notice before the nuclear waste dumps slowly explode to gently push the Moon out of Earth orbit without crushing the people on Moonbase Alpha during the minute or so that the thrust is accelerating them to the speed which allows the Moon to enter another solar system once a week and then slow down and hang around a planet for three days before zipping off again. > Oh, for those of you still reading, the REAL reason I wanted to bring > this whole convention up is because Barbara Bain and Barry Morse will be > performing a stage show, a one-night only presentation of the play "Love > Letters", which coincidentally was playing recently here in London, > starring the colourful Charleston Heston. In this play, two people sit > at desks or across a table, reading letters they have written to each > other throughout the years. The letters detail the arcs of their > relationship. > > That's the whole play. Sit two people down, give them the script to > *read*, *onstage*, and walk away. Preferably, keep walking. There's no > other dialogue, no direct interaction between the characters, and > presumably, no need to rehearse. Heston was savaged by critics here in > London, who complained that he acted like he was just reading the > script. > > DUH. > > I only hope that Barbara Bain gets to play Vladimir, and Morse plays > Estragon. > > -dp. > AN ITC > ENTERTAINMENT FILM > > > [1] "The Moon, She Explode" Let me repeat: THOSE OF YOU ON THE WEST COAST, YOU SHOULD ALL GO TO "BREAKAWAY" AND FILM THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS OF MARTIN LANDAU AND BARBARA BAIN AS THEY ARE FORCED TO BE IN A ROOM WITH EACH OTHER AND WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO ARE WEARING HOMEMADE "SPACE: 1999" COSTUMES. -- K. Get me some closeups of the girls in the silver Mylar bikinis. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Know what I hate? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 08:05:02 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I hate it when I open my Web browser and the startup page looks all different, so I think it's broken, and then I realize that I just redesigned the Web site in question last night and that's why it's all scary and stuff. Why, exactly, do I have my Web browser set to start up showing a page I designed instead of one filled with something fun, like pornography that I didn't arrange? -- K. I hate all the badly-laid-out pornography on the Internet. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.sci.physics.plutonium From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: His mistress' voice Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 10:05:38 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor mujoob@my-deja.com, of no Real Name, wrote: > > A POEM > > For the King Of Science,a > suggestion > Do not eat a fruit named durian, > Then post about your indigestion > Know someone to mock will come > a-hurry-in > > Kibo turns odd posts to derision, > While making erudite asides, > He's on your web-television > Trolling till earth and moon > collides. > -- > > first one to make all the > connections doesn't get a poem > from me! I tried to connect the pair of hyphens to that mis-spaced comma in the first line, but it didn't work as well as my old Tinkertoys did. Then I used all my Tinkertoys to re-create that scene where the Three Stooges are plumbers and Curly gets trapped between all the silly pipes that squirt. So I would just like to point out that I did not make all the connections, because I did not make any connections. Not all connections are the same, therefore all connections are not the same, so you owe me a million and a half dollars because my head will literally explode the next time a TV newscaster utters a common malapropism. So sue me for not being James Burke. -- K. I APOLOGIZE FOR USING THE WORD "NEWSCASTER" IN PLACE OF THE MORE PROPER "STUFFED SHIRT WITH A TELEPROMPTER". I ALSO APOLOGIZE FOR NOT CAPITALIZING "TelePrompTer" THE WAY THEIR TRADEMARK DEMANDS. THEIR TRADEMARK IS DUMB. I AM SMARTER THAN ANY TRADEMARK! I AM SMART IN ALL CAPS! THE END. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Tired Basketball Player Electrocuted On Fence Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 10:15:57 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor holefamily1@webtv.net wrote: > > This story makes me laugh, is there something wrong with me? That is NOT a good question to be askin' from a WebTV, bucko! (From across the internet comes the sound of hundreds of knee-jerk anti-WebTV wacky insults being typed into things that have full-size keyboards) > Subject: Tired Basketball Player Electrocuted On Fence These Texas judges are getting away with murder! > SARASOTA, Fla. (Reuters) - Sarasota! One of the four great Bozo Magnets in the United States! Sarasota. Waco. La Jolla. WebTV. > A tired basketball player who left his game > to lean against a fence to catch his breath was electrocuted because the > metal fence was touching live electrical wires. NO STREAMS OF BODILY FLUIDS WERE INVOLVED. YOU MAY NOW RESUME READING THIS NON-URINATION-RELATED NEWS STORY. > The Sarasota Herald-Tribune reported Tuesday that the other players knew > something was wrong with Michael Spurlock late Saturday because they > ``heard a buzzing noise=B4=B4 and ``saw smoke coming off his hand,=B4=B4 > according to Christopher Czubachowski, Spurlock=B4s stepbrother. It must be a pain to have to type "=B4" every time you want a quote mark on your WebTV. > Czubachowski told the newspaper he knocked Spurlock, 21, away from a > fence pole that powered the court lights and tried unsuccessfully to > resuscitate him. I can't wait to see the lawsuit. Not only could his family get millions of dollars for the dangerously unsafe fence (as opposed to safely unsafe fences everywhere) but Mr. Czubachowski could sue for exposure to secondhand smoke. -- K. I AM NOW DONE BASHING WEBTV FOR THE EVENING. NOW I GOTTA GO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE WHO DRIVE LITTLE BRITISH CARS. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Sometimes entertainment-industry "news" is very scary indeed. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 02:30:12 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I've just been informed that William Daniels is running for president of the Screen Actors Guild. You know, that job Ronald Reagan held before he became a governor and then a real president. What's scary about this? If William Daniels becomes president of the Screen Actors Guild... and eventually becomes President of the United States... WE'LL ALL BE RULED BY THE GUY WHO WAS THE VOICE OF THE TALKING CAR ON "KNIGHT RIDER"! It'll be just like Orwell's "1984" except that instead of Big Brother's loud voice coming from the telescreen, we'll have to listen to a soft lisp as Big Brother reminds us to fasten our laser-powered seat belts as little flanges pop out of Florida and California so the country can enter Super Pursuit Mode. -- K. I bet his vice president would be Chuck Wagner from "Automan". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Sometimes entertainment-industry "news" is very scary indeed. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 09:06:57 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor "Sager" (sager@Flashmail.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > If William Daniels becomes president of the Screen Actors Guild... > > and eventually becomes President of the United States... > > > > It'll be just like Orwell's "1984" except that instead of Big Brother's > > loud voice coming from the telescreen, we'll have to listen to a soft > > lisp as Big Brother reminds us to fasten our laser-powered seat belts > > as little flanges pop out of Florida and California so the country > > can enter Super Pursuit Mode. > > My god!!!1!!! William Daniels played John Adams in both the film and early > Broadway version of 1776!!!1!!! We're doomed to suffer the reign of Debbie > Gibson as 1984 returns in a way that Orwell could never imagine!!1!!! It's even WORSE than you can IMAGINE until I TELL YOU RIGHT NOW! William Daniels wore clown makeup in the two-part episode of "Galactica 1980" in which our heroes from the Battlestar Galactica had to prevent the evil Cylons' plan to conquer the Earth -- which they intended to do just by KIDNAPPING WOLFMAN JACK!!! So not only was it a "Battlestar Galactica" episode, it was from that "Galactica 1980" mutant version that even the "Battlestar Galactica" fans insist was stupid, and it had Wolfman Jack *and* the voice of KITT from "Knight Rider", and KITT WAS WEARING SCARY CLOWN MAKEUP! And THAT is what the world of tomorrow would look like if the election were held today and William Daniels won. -- K. To say nothing of the fact that he was on "St. Elsewhere" with Howie Mandel AND Ed Begley Junior -- the latter also appearing as Ensign Greenbean on "Battlestar Galactica"! NOW MY CONSPIRACY DIAGRAM IS ALL CONNECTED TO ITSELF! YAHTZEE! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 2Sept99 Transition Phase; before tour-mission of famous scientists Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 07:35:14 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In talk.religion.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (archimedes_plutonium@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Today I had a wonderful time. I awoke thinking about yesterdays laundry > work and that it takes less than a minute to iron T-shirts or polo > shirts, but that it takes a good 5 minutes to iron a white dress Hello, Arch, I am inserting line breaks where I please. Just wanted to let you know that. Now please tell me more about your white dress. > shirt > of polyester mix or permanent press. That oddly a permanent press when > it gets wrinkles takes more time and effort to remove the wrinkles. A > case of where the supposed good feature turns against you, and the > permanent press becomes a tough to remove wrinkles. So I decided > yesterday to never get any clothing that would take so much of my time > to iron and that is wrinkle prone. Have you considered just dipping your body in molten vinyl? On TV? > [...] > > So today, with that on my mind I decided that this transition phase > had not really given me the delightful time of re-assessing, or > consolidating my wardrobe. Meaning that I intended to throw out > clothing that I seldom wore and saw little future use. Oh, yeah, Arch, better just throw it out. You wouldn't want homeless guys dressing up in clothes that used to belong to the King of Science. After all, someone might confuse the homeless people with you, provided that there are any homeless people that crazy. > I had not > consolidated my clothing in the South Dakota cycle That's the problem: Your delicate undies are supposed to be washed on the GENTLE cycle, not the South Dakota cycle. > simply because I did > not have alot of clothing then. So today my first project was to assess > my wardrobe I hear Superman once had to assess his tights when they developed a hole in the butt and he had a spare "S" patch. (I'm sure that could be a pun if we all worked at it. I declare this to be the Internet's first Open Source pun -- all are welcome to contribute ways to improve this pun so that someday perhaps it will function.) > and put all of the tough-to-iron polyester mix into a pile > to throw out. I certainly got my use out of them for I had worn them > for 12 years. Most were a white dress shirt. But then I decided to not > throw out any, thinking that I could use them as work clothes around > the properties. But then anyone seeing me working will see A NAKED CRAZY GUY WHO THREW OUT ALL HIS CLOTHES! > all of these > wrinkles. ESPECIALLY ON YOUR BARE LEGS! > So I compromised and I threw out 75% of the pile and kept 25% > for work clothes. How do you throw out 25% of a pair of pants? Wouldn't the result be half a pant? > These are the throw-outs: Archimedes Plutonium-inspired cartoon rock band name #31: ARCHIE & THE THROW-OUTS > (a) two pairs of green > short-pants (b) 2 polyester mix T-shirts (c) 9 white dress shirts (d) 2 > permanent press shirts (e) 2 coats. What? You threw out your green little pants? What's a King of Science without lots of green gym shorts? > And the fun part of this episode is that since I got rid of alot of > clothes, I could buy a few shirts to replace what was thrown out. The more clothes you throw out, the more you can buy! That's what makes America great! > So I > stopped at the local Hanover sports stores to see if they had any > polar-fleece type shirts on a "clearance sale". I prefer the brand > names of North Face, Columbia, Lowe. And I ended up buying 3 new > polar-fleece types of shirts. Although I hate to be caught wearing one > of these shirts on a nice day like today where the temperatures got > into the 80 degree F. The thing I found bad about my old Patagonia > fleece shirt was that I would often get too hot in it. NOOOO! You got HOT while wearing your winter fuzzy fleece shirt when it was EIGHTY DEGREES? Arch, I think you've forgotten The Zeroth Law Of Thermodynamics: IT'S KIND OF STUPID TO DRESS WARM WHEN IT'S ALREADY TOO HOT. > So I made sure > that I got a full zipper Archimedes Plutonium's famous for having a full zipper and rusty pants. Wait, strike that, reverse it. THERE IS SO MUCH TIME, AND SO FEW "WILLY WONKA" REFERENCES TO MAKE! > and not the pullover type. Oh, those pullover zippers are murder. > And the laundary > instructions on these polar fleece garments are great. Wash, then shake > once or twice and then put it on, and no wrinkles. And after doing his laundary, Archie ate some goulash because he was hungary. > In the South Dakota cycle of 1986-1987, I did not consolidate my > clothes but in this cycle of 1999, I had a need to consolidate in that > too much of my clothes, the shirts especially take too much time in > laundary and in ironing. This problem is acute especially when I travel > to Europe in that the taking of clothing in baggage and wrinkles while > travelling. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't want people in Europe to laugh at you because you're wearing a WRINKLY fleece shirt in eighty-degree weather. Especially because they use Celsius over there, so you'd look super-bozotic wearing a fleece shirt at 80 degrees C. > And I should have realized also that from the start of this > transition phase in May that it would eventually encompass my wardrobe > and that I would re-assess and throw out clothing. > Life is way to short to be spending 5 minutes per white shirt that > can be worn only for one day. Have you considered washing them instead of throwing them out? Or doesn't the Dartmouth campus have clothes washers either? (I know they don't have any automatic dishwashers.) > And it is not that I will get away from > ironing altogether because there is no escape from cotton for comfort > in the summertime. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired futuristic disco sci-fi band name #32: THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM COTTON > But any of my cotton garments such as polo shirt or > shorts , since they are 100% cotton they iron in a jiffy of less than 1 > minute. I would say that the white dress shirt of polyester mix is an > antique in modern life and that it should be discontinued. You are now the first person who has ever expressed a dislike for polyester. GIVE THAT MAN THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR LATENESS! > I have seen > some T-shirts GIVE THAT MAN THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR HAVING SEEN SOME T-SHIRTS! > that are designed to look like a dress shirt, yet all the > comforts and advantages of a 100% cotton T-shirt. Yeah, those Spencer Gifts shirts are 100% high-quality cotton, no cheap polyester or Indonesian burlap, not at Spencer Gifts, no sir. (Somehow it's refreshing to know that the King of Science likes to wear the Spencer Gifts label. Will we soon see him in an "I'M WITH STUPID" T-shirt? Worn inside out so the arrow points at himself?) > Then, around dinnertime today I was cutting the crab apples that I > had picked off the trees by the library. This experiental is a repeat > of the South Dakota cycle where my farmhouse had about 10 apple trees, > and in autumn I would microwave the apples and add sugar and put > inside a puff pastry and eat in the morning for breakfast. So here I am > repeating that yearly cycle of the fruits and harvest of nature, of > strawberries and asparagus in springtime, vegetables from the garden in > summer, and fruits and nuts in autumn. A natural rythm in sync with > Nature. It is about now when the fresh concord grapes come into > harvest. AND THE GRAPES ARE COMING IN TO HARVEST YOUUUUUUU!!! THE YEAR IS 1999. IN THIS DISTANT WORLD OF THE FUTURE, GRAPES EAT PEOPLE! WHO CAN SURVIVE THE WRATH OF THESE EXTREMELY PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS? ALLEGEDLY COMING SOON TO A THEATER THAT WENT OUT OF BUSINESS LAST WEEK! > [...] > > Now what I need to concentrate upon is to have my websites in order > before I start the tour on 23Sept. Those websites are now my last > remaining chores before I depart New Hampshire for good. September 23? You're leaving September 23? Do you swear on a stack of Bibles that you're leaving September 23? Are you sure you didn't make a typo and mean to say "September 32"? -- K. If only Archimedes Plutonium had written for "Space: 1999", just think how much more imaginative the science would have been. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: MY ORA-is it of god?? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 07:38:51 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In talk.religion.misc, "alfred hitchcock" (LilSqueeky@webtv.net) wrote: > > I RECENTLY ATTENDED AN ACU-PRESSURE THERAPIST AND SHE WORKED WONDERS ON > MY PAIN , YET WHEN SHE FINISHED THE TREATMENT SHE "CLOSED MY ORA " > BY TRACING MY BODY WITH HER HANDS-ON ALL FOUR CORNERS..im some what > familiar with white majik doctrine , is this the same as that . does > theraputic acu-puncture contain any spiritualism or majik.? She closed your okra? Well, I suppose you don't want your okra dripping okra juice all over the place. It might be a good idea to keep it in tightly-sealed Tupperware marked "WARNING: OKRA" from now on. > keep it real and keep it clean--------> > <------------michael shane-------------> I'll guess that the two lines are ACTUALLY the same length and that you're trying to trick me with your devious optical illusions, Mr. Hitchcock. Did I win? -- K. I am now imagining Alfred Hitchcock introducing an episode of his TV series by demonstrating the evil sponsor's new invention, the WebTV. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 3Sept99 Transition Phase; before tour-mission of famous scientists Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 08:28:21 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In talk.religion.misc and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (archimedes_plutonium@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Today I repeated some actions I had taken in the 1987 cycle of South > Dakota. Oh no! Archie rode his cycle into the Oregon Mystery Vortex and now he's in a time loop and is going to start repeating himself! > I had come used to a rythm of eating foods in season and as the > year goes by, to expect certain foods harvested for that season. One of > the yearly expectations was the apple riping season of about now. IN THE LAWLESS WORLD OF THE FUTURE, VICIOUS GANGS OF FERAL APPLES TEAR PEOPLE LIMB FROM LIMB! BEWARE THE APPLE RIPPING! Archimedes Plutonium-inspired goth rock band name #33: APPLE JACK THE RIPPER > And in South Dakota what I did was make lots of apple sauce for the winter. Here are some math jokes just for Archimedes Plutonium: How do you divide seven apples among six people? You make applesauce! How do you use a barometer to trisect an angle? You make applesauce! What's the square root of negative infinity? You make applesauce! Why was six afraid of seven? You make applesauce! > I cannot do that now, perhaps next year. But what I can repeat is to > take apple slices and add sugar and microwave until mushy and then add > them to a puff pastry shell and eat them for breakfast. That is what I > did today for breakfast. And I still am wondering if microwaved sugar > makes a better dessert. I microwave the sliced apples until they are > about to be mushy, then I add several tablespoons of sugar and > microwave some more until it is very mushy. And then you stuff it into your head until it is very mushy. > Later I add the apples to a puff pastry and with green tea or other tea > have a excellent breakfast. Could someone in chemistry tell me if > microwaving sugar molecules adds more flavor to the sugar? Yes, but only if you microwave sugar molecules, and not just ordinary sugar crystals or sugar cubes. Of course, if microwaving sugar makes it taste better, maybe microwaving your taste buds would make EVERYTHING taste better. > And today I thought that the Neutron and Proton Gods, like in the > movie CLASH OF THE TITANS, were looking down upon Earth and one of the > major Neutron Gods commanded lesser Gods by saying "give Archimedes > Plutonium the best foods whilst in his Transition Phase". I loved that scene where Sir Laurence Olivier said to Harry Hamlin, "GIVE ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM THE BEST FOODS WHILST IN HIS TRANSITION PHASE!" Archimedes Plutonium is the final, greatest creation of Ray Harryhausen! > And the lesser gods dutifully obeying the Zeus Neutron God and like a Mercury > God making the things happen. For today I started off with four puff > pastry shells Yeah, Mercury got his start that way. With four puff pastry shells. Then he worked his way up to delivering flowers. > filled with sweetened-crab-apples along with green tea. > Then for lunch I had the finest scrambled eggs, with red-hot blue corn > tortilla chips and Fred Imus (name and spelling??) brand mild salsa, "Don Imus". You're welcome. > and a tossed salad with Marie's Thousand Island dressing (my favorite), > and fresh squeezed lemonade. For dinner I had a red potato microwaved > with butter, sour creme & chives, and pepper, and slices of dried > beef, and fresh picked green and wax beans and butter, Arch, I keep telling you, they're not wax beans if they have wicks and you picked them off a birthday cake. > and Journey's Desert Sage root beer, and desert of a cranberry strudel > and a bar of marzipan Sarotti chocolate and more green tea. Then you had to sell your authentic Native American dwelling because you almost drowned in your teepee. > Question, is there a difference in flavor between the red potatoes > and the white potatoes? So far I have been unable to detect any > difference in taste. Then you MUST be crazy, because all of us here on the Internet agree that they taste completely different. Isn't that right, everyone? > I do find the red potato comes out nicer from the microwave in that > it is thoroughly cooked through. Um, Arch, you do know that when you cook the big white taters, you can set the timer for slightly longer than for the little pink taters, right? > And I want to share my secret of making the finest scrambled eggs. I > like to use a paper cup to make. SWOOSH! SUPER NEW SCIENTIFICALLY-ENHANCED KONTEXT-AWAY SCRUBS AWAY CONTEXT! +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | "I like to use a paper cup to make." | | -- Archimedes Plutonium | | | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ > I use two eggs only I use one yellow > and throw away the other yellow. Thus my scrambled eggs appear whiter. I always thought your scrambled eggs were kind of grayish, and attached to the top of your spinal cord. But I'll take your word for it. > I then add a little water and then the secret to the best scrambled > eggs is to add about a tablespoon or more of powdered Carnation milk or > powdered cream if available. The powder vice the liquid cream takes up > much of the water moisture so the final product is not watery. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired Jan Hammer synthesizer band name #34: POWDER VICE > And the powder somehow helps the eggs fluff. Stir until uniform. I always wondered how the "scrambled eggs" got onto the admiral's uniform cap. > Now find a large plate to set the cup onto and a small plate to use as > a lid on the paper cup. The large plate is to protect the microwave glass > from the falling small plate when the eggs are done. Then microwave on high > for 1 minute and it should be about halfway cooked and take out and > stir vigorously and put back into the microwave to finish the cooking. > Set the microwave for another 1 minute on high. What will happen is > that the eggs will puff up so much that the eggs will knock the small > plate off of the cup. When this happens the eggs are done NO, REALLY? > and you must take them out immediately because now the eggs have puffed > way out of the cup. They will shrink a little but not much because of that > cream in the eggs. Add a tab of butter and a pinch of pepper. These eggs are > the best fluffy eggs in the world. If you are going to cook eggs my > style, be sure to have a plate underneath the cup or else the falling > small plate will break your microwave glass. Wouldn't it be easier, and less messy, to just microwave the eggs with the shells still on, and let them explode? (Tune in tomorrow for another episode of "A Professional Dishwasher Teaches You How To Cook In A Disposable Cup!") > And for fish, when I microwave cod, which often pops and explodes, Archimedes Plutonium-inspired porno-movie incidental music band name #35a: ARCHIE'S EXPLODING COD PIECE > what I do is put the cod on one plate and take another plate and put it > upside down. You see, microwaves go right through porceloin. Archimedes Plutonium-inspired porno-movie incidental music band name #35b: ARCHIE'S EXPLODING PORK-A-LOIN > Thus the cod is between two plates and should it explode or pop, the > covering plate confines it all. All the BEST chefs know that the goal of cooking fish is to make it explode. > I must say that in my youth, my mind was never so much thinking about > foods and what I ate. I think my appetite for good foods increased at > the age of about 40 to 45. I cannot remember ever in my youth after I > was adopted of ever going to bed and thinking about what food I will > eat tomorrow. From age 16 to 40, I was never really concerned about > food. I never had that sort of appetite in my youth. I do remember that > I generally had a snack of cereals of puffed wheat or puffed rice > before bedtime to fill me up. Arch, if puffed rice can fill you up, you're REALLY underweight. (I mean, I've eaten puffed rice without milk as a snack sometimes too, but I find that I can eat about ten bowls without feeling full. The only foods with a higher percentage of air would be dehydrated snow or maybe a big bowl of Ivory flakes. I admit that I also like puffed rice for no reasons that I can understand, but puffed rice is nothing to write home about. That's what the Internet's for. If it's not worth writing home, write to everyone else.) > But never a appetite and thought for what > I was going to enjoy for lunch or dinner the next day. My answer to > that has been to watch what I eat and to run as exercise as much as > possible. > > Tomorrow I should write about, so I do not forget, I should write > about the For Sale list, and whether if I had it to do over again, that > is come to New Hampshire in 1988 and by 1991 start to buy and amass a > large library of about 100-200 books CDs VCRs. To buy 4 bicycles when a > person only needs 1. And to have bought what I had bought in the time > period of 1991 through 1998, only to see me sell most of it in 1999. A > reminder because I was thinking of this many times in the past 4 months > but did not commit any of those thoughts to writing. Oh, yeah, future generations will mourn the loss and will have to console themselves with the knowledge that you like puffed rice, and that I responded by saying I also liked puffed rice but it's nothing to write to the future about. -- K. Ever get the feeling Archie's whole goal in life is to put all his rants into a big time capsule marked "TO BE OPENED IN FIVE MINUTES, BY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD"? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.astro,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Jumpin' Jupiter Effect! (5/5/2000 alignment) Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 08:38:06 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.astro, Kurt Foster (kfoster@rmi.net) wrote: > > According to one picture of the situation on May 5, 2000, the planets > Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn will pretty well line up on ONE > side of Mr. Sun; and Earth will be in a line with all of them, over on the > OTHER side of Mr. Sun, sort of like this: > > / / / / / / \ \ \ \ \ \ > Sa Ju Ma ( V Me S ) ) E ) ) ) > \ \ \ \ \ \ / / / / / / Hey, when did angle brackets in HTML get so big? -- K. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: My next fQQlish purchase Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 08:47:49 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > The next step in making your phone service more annoying is just about to > hit us here, so I'll warn you as a public service. > > We're getting Area Code Overlays. > > See, we have to add new area codes around here about every 12 hours. So > the phone company has decided that it's too much hassle to actually > geographically split the areas up into smaller ones, because that would > involve actual work, and besides, in a few days the typical size of an > area code would be about four square feet. > > So next year, my area code (650) is getting another one (764). What does seven do with his trained four when a burglar breaks in? SEVEN SICS FOUR!!! HA HA HA HA! Math jokes are the funniest kind! If Lenny Bruce had lived, he'd be doing math jokes today! > OK, so no big deal, this area now has *two* area codes. So if I sign up for > a new phone line in my house (what an obsolete concept), my second line > might be in 764. OK, still no big deal. > > The annoyance here is that *all phone calls must be dialed with all > ten digits from now on* (actually, 11, since dialing the 1 will be > mandatory too). Even when I call other phone numbers in 650. We no > longer have the concept of 7 digit phone numbers. > > They must be doing this just to be irritating. I'm sure there's some > incredibly high quality technical reason for it, but I don't care. > > So be sure to complain to your phone company now, in advance, before they > try to sneak this one in on you. They're not doing it that way here. Here's how our area code overlays work: You're given a sheet of clear plastic with some lines on it, like: ## # ## # # # # # # # # ##### # and if you friend has one that says: #### # # ### # # # # # # ### then you can overlay then to get: ## # ###### # ## # #### # # # # # # # # # # #### ##### # ...and you can call that person from your half of the area code. But you cannot call anyone else unless their half of an area code when matched up with your half makes an actual area code and not just some random scribbles. This is also to help ensure that blind people stop enjoying telephones as much as sighted people do. That's a big problem for the evil phone company. BLIND PEOPLE SHOULD NOT HAVE IT SO EASY, GETTING AWAY WITH JUST USING THEIR MOUTH AND EARS! -- K. The phone company knows that most of them are just PRETENDING to be blind so they can boss us around! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: GreaseShield Greasetrap Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 09:25:39 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In alt.food.sushi, alt.food.taco-bell, alt.food.veg, and alt.food.veg.ted-altar, Terence Haughian (sales@greaseshield.freeserve.co.uk) tried to advertise: > > "We've no problems with the drains in the kitchen... > > ...but we have a bit of a problem with a bad smell in the toilets" > > This quote was given to us by the service manager of the first > hotel that we installed our GreaseShield unit into. WOW! SIGN ME UP FOR A HEAPING HELPING OF THE THING WHICH KEEPS GREASE OUT OF THE SINK WHILE MAKING MY TOILET REEK OF VILE ODORS! > To find out how > we cured his problem and many others visit our web site at > > www.greaseshield.freeserve.co.uk I really like the "Virtual Reality" section of the Web page where you can see the grease trap in 3-D. And go strolling through it. (Folks, I swear I am not making this up.) > or if you would prefer to talk to one of our staff email us with your > details to > > sales@greaseshield.freeserve.co.uk Not to be confused with GreaseServe FreeShield, which is a soft ice cream dispenser filled with axle grease AND a feminine maxi-pad all in one. -- K. Such copywriting. I can't wait to see the TV commercial these people produce. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Color-coded food Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 09:31:11 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Paul Guertin (pg@sff.net) wrote: > > I like it when food comes color-coded to tell you which parts > are edible and which parts are not. But... there's no such thing as inedible food. I think you have a non-food item stuck to the lollipop that you picked up from the sidewalk. > I don't like it when the brown part is labeled "Eat?". This is because chocolate is always sometimes edible, but vanilla is not always usually edible. -- K. What are you eating, and where can I get some? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hu-doo Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 09:40:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon de Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > From Harpers Magazine, November 1998, page 48: Oh, great, now I feel like I'm at the dentist's office. Thanks for bumming me out, Mister Guy With Magazines I Wouldn't Read Even If They Were Less Than A Year Old. > 'The true origin of "biosolid" can be traced back to a Name Change Task > Force created by the sewage industry to improve the image of its main > product, sludge. In 1990, the task force sponsored a contest to come up > with a more marketable name. Rejected candidates include "all growth," > "purenutri," "biolife," "bioslurp," "black gold," "geoslime," > "sca-doo," "the end product," "humanure," "hu-doo," "bioresidue," > "urban biomass," "powergro," "organite," and "nutricake." ' Here are the ones I would have submitted: "potsie" "durt" ("DURT IS TURD SPELLED BACKWARDS! INCORRECTLY!") "dot-compost" "better than sludge" "doidybang" "dingleburgers" "Hershey's bear hugs" "spasta" "mello smello" and... "poutine" -- K. P.S. Also, I would t and without using m in a zeppelin und Public Library. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hu-doo Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 09:53:14 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon de Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > Rejected candidates [for happier names for sewage] include "all growth," > "purenutri," "biolife," "bioslurp," "black gold," "geoslime," > "sca-doo," "the end product," "humanure," "hu-doo," "bioresidue," > "urban biomass," "powergro," "organite," and "nutricake." ' I already posted some, but I keep thinking of more: putria reverse Twinkies shlurry The Unflop Crapple moo-out antifood rooti-doot syrup de dollop derfudge goobie enviro-poo Cream of Crap duriend -- K. "It's not objectionable, it's objection-ABLE!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hu-doo Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 10:04:50 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon de Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > Rejected candidates [for happier names for sewage] include "all growth," > "purenutri," "biolife," "bioslurp," "black gold," "geoslime," > "sca-doo," "the end product," "humanure," "hu-doo," "bioresidue," > "urban biomass," "powergro," "organite," and "nutricake." ' HELP! I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF MORE MARKETABLE NAMES FOR SEWAGE! plopsie daisies Mr. Sewage colonade dayspoiler asterisk-outage (just for Vonnegut fans) applop slatherousness googleyuk Count Crapula dinglestuff I Can't Believe It's Not Sewage -- K. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hu-doo Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 10:17:52 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon de Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > Rejected candidates [for happier names for sewage] include [...] HELP, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT SEWAGE NAMES THAT SHOULD BE TEST-MARKETED! don't-dont did-did pisselle Everything Brown shitroma detri-trust renewage turboturdo fertiTRUTHzer personure funilizer man-zoni runner-down solidew Captain Shitner -- K. I should be in marketing. I should be in marketing at a company that makes nothing but nicely-packaged sewage. And I will give an imaginary dollar to the first person who gets the "man-zoni" reference. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hu-doo Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 10:28:18 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon de Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > Rejected candidates [for names for sewage...] MY BRAIN JUST WON'T STOP HELPING IMPROVE THE WORD "SEWAGE"! poodling pism dunglop poo-poo-poo Smucker's power puh choo-choo trainage MOMMY, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!(tm) doidelivery USDA Grade Z cash-EWWW nuts gunky doo free-seez unmentionable shit THE END! If I think of any more I will destroy them without posting them, in order to keep such weaponry out of the marketing arsenal of the sewage factories. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hu-doo Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Sun, 5 Sep 1999 03:49:19 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon Clark (clarksj@my-deja.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry ( kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > MY BRAIN JUST WON'T STOP HELPING IMPROVE THE WORD "SEWAGE"! > > > > [snip list] > > I can't believe you didn't think of "McSewage". I would like to say I thought of it but didn't post it because it was too disgusting, but that would be a lie. These are the ones I didn't post because they are so gross that I will never post them: gyuk The World's Worst Taffy durheyness poopito hummmus septickle polyploptic gel septac-toe bennyhill