Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Please tell Apple to STOP IT with the fruity colors already... Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 04:14:42 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor TODAY'S SURPRISE QUIZ! New Apple color schemes *or* Orbitz flavors? Blueberry Oxygen Blueberry Union Grape Gravity Grape Mission Lime Horizon Lime Sharp Quantum Foam Strawberry Baby Strawberry Parabola Tangerine Fusion Tangerine Melt The first person to correctly identify which of these are or are not Orbitz flavors won't have to drink any of them. -- K. Mmm, melted tangerines... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: New supermarket: Rave review. Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 05:28:53 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Hooray for the Super 88! It's always nice when I get something big and new that I've always wanted. I'm talking, of course, about a local supermarket. Remember in the olden days, when there were these newfangled "supermarkets" which were bigger than ordinary mom'n'pops, big enough to have their own parking lots? And then, in the eighties, remember the invention of the extra-huge supermarkets, as in "Super Stop & Shop", "Star Market Plus", and so on? Well, today, the "Super 88" opened in the Boston area, after I'd been waiting for a few months. Let me explain. One of my favorite Chinese grocery stores (okay, my actual favorite) in this area for the past few years has been the "88 Super Market" (on Washington Street.) There was a bigger one down the street ("Ming's") but I like the 88 better because it has live turtles to watch, and it often has fun signs advertising things such as "DEATH CRABS", and let's face it, it doesn't smell as bad as Ming's. All Asian grocery stores develop this aroma from the stacks of five-year-old dried mushrooms in nearly-airtight plastic bags, and the piles of Death Crabs, and so on. I know one store (which shall remain nameless) which always smells like poop, so I don't go there because it's too revolting. Ming's smells pretty bad on hot days, and the 88 is usually tolerable. The 88 is a little smaller than the average supermarket. Ming's is a little larger. So what happened today? The 88 Super Market opened a second store... "The Super 88 Super Market". It's big. Very big. There's a shopping plaza near Andrew Square called "South Bay Center", although I can't figure out what bay it's the center of. (It's surrounded by highways, not water.) It differs from the usual strip mall (such as the one at Porter Square, which is allegedly the oldest shopping plaza in the United States) in that it does not have any dinky little stores: no bakery, no dry-cleaner, no Blockbuster. All the stores at South Bay Center are huge. It has a Toys R Us, a 24-hour Home Depot, a Marshalls, an OfficeMax, and a "Big" K-Mart (they're all "Big" now except for the one at the Assembly Square Mall which is the only store remaining in that mall, I don't think they can afford a new sign.) There's also something large and mysterious being built next to the 24-hour Home Depot (my guess? Maybe a Target.) But the main draw at this plaza is a Super Stop & Shop. Every Super Stop & Shop has the same floor plan -- the right ten yards of the football field are where the vegetables are, the middle seventy yards are canned goods, and the left twenty yards are frozen food. (A few Super Stop & Shops are mirror images, but they all appear to be the same down to the location of the men's room.) The Super 88 Super Market has opened right next to the Super Stop & Shop. So, South Bay Plaza now has two super-duper markets. A roundeye one and a Chinese super-duper mart. The Super 88 is not just bigger than the regular 88, it's as big as the Super Stop & Shop. I had been looking forward to its grand opening, and today I managed to go there. As I crossed the threshold at long last and beheld the seemingly endless aisles, it took massive effort to avoid shouting "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!" at how large the place is. Now, you folks can safely assume I don't like to swear at the top of my lungs in the middle of Chinese supermarkets. Heck, I don't even like to swear on the Internet. (The Internet is where every nerd is obliged to talk like a sailor.) So, you can tell I was impressed by the impressiveness of the size of the Super 88. Know the scene in "Forbidden Planet" where Walter Pidgeon tells Leslie Nielsen and his sidekick, "Prepare your minds for a new scale of physical scientific values, gentlemen," and then they step out into the enormous matte painting? That's how big the Super 88 is. It's "HOLY SHIT!" big. Like all supermarkets, the Super 88 has those signs over each end of each aisle telling you what three categories of items are on each aisle. A typical supermarket will say things like "VEGETABLES - PASTA - SNACKS". The Super 88, being an enormous Chinese grocery store, has aisles which are so specialized that the categories include "PORK RINDS", "PORK SUNG", and for the roundeyes, one aisle of "DOMESTIC FOODS". (It's the only Chinese grocery store I've ever seen that's so big that they feel they have to sell Hamburger Helper and Hormel chili.) There were about twelve employees slaughtering fish behind a fifty-foot- long counter in the fish department. And, the amazing part is, because the store is brand new, everything is sparkling white and odor-free! (All the food's probably fresh, too.) The seafood department has basins resembling small swimming pools (with light blue tiles) for the lobsters and crabs to cavort in. And they were actually cavorting. The crabs were sidestepping around at a good pace, and the lobsters were actually running, if not dancing. Next time you see a tank of live lobsters just sitting there in their own filth, remind yourself that the lobsters would be frisky to the point of perkiness if they were in a tank that had never had lobsters in it before. It's huge, and it's clean, and of course it's filled with bizarro imported foods, so you can see why I love the Super 88. They don't seem to have many foods which I can't get elsewhere -- the regular 88 has a pretty good selection, and of course all this stuff comes through the same importers, so most Chinese grocery stores sell the same items -- but the Super 88 has more of everything, as well as important extras like Hamburger Helper. (Their Japanese aisle, while commodious, isn't as comprehensive as my favorite Japanese grocery store, nor was their small Korean section comparable to the one Korean store I know. But for Chinese food they had ten of everything you'd want.) Curiously, there were a few items which I noticed were available only at the non-super 88 -- the Super 88 doesn't have live turtles (no, I can't tell if the ones at the regular 88 are an endangered species) nor does it have antique foot-long stingray rinds. Maybe they took this opportunity to not stock the items that weren't worth ordering more of. (Or, maybe they're still setting up -- I noticed some empty shelves in the back.) The meat department had more pork brains than I have ever seen in one place. Collectively, those pork brains would have had a higher IQ than me. There's no bakery department yet (you gotta have a bakery in a Chinese supermarket!) but I figure they must be planning to put one in the bakery-shaped empty room in the front. In fact, there are also several vacant stalls (with roller grates) along the front of the market as if they're going to be leasing space out to smaller vendors. They have about thirty checkout lanes (about half of which were staffed on the crowded opening day), with brand-new "Komodo"-brand cash registers (excuse me, "point of sale systems") which display the names and prices of items on large color monitors. The staff is still learning to deal with these. This is a big step up from the regular 88, which has old-fashioned cash registers (with a million buttons labelled in Chinese!) and only one credit-card reader for the entire store. So, now when I get home, instead of having a receipt which says GROCERY 1.95 GROCERY 1.69 GROCERY 0.89 GROCERY 0.99 now I have one which says HELLO KITTY Potato Chips1.68o 1.95 F NISSIN Almond Cordial/Fungus 1.69 F KD Durians Coconut Jelly 8.1o 0.89 F Bitter Melon 0.99 F which is better because it makes it easier for me to type in the list of everything I bought, because I know you're dying to hear how the Almond Cordial With Fungus tasted. (Later.) The receipt also tells me that I bought my groceries at exactly 9/20/99 7:11:19 PM 9 99 9 4 just in case later I wonder which second I got my durian jelly on 9/20/99/99/9/99/9. In summation, if you live in the Boston area and are looking for an exciting Chinese grocery shopping experiences, head over to the Super 88 Super Market at South Bay Center. Even if it's a long way to bring groceries back from, it's the place to go if you want to be able to eat potato chips shaped like Hello Kitty's head in the bathtub when you get home. -- K. The package said "FOR SALE IN JAPAN ONLY." But they were the cutest things I've ever eaten in the bathtub. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: UFO technology for Domino's Pizza! Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 05:48:36 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > KABOOM! NEW SUPER EXPLODING KONTEXT-AWAY TOSSES ANTIMATTER PELLETS INTO THE LAP OF CONTEXT! > If parts of the interior of the frog were differently diamagnetic, > the frog might experience some discomfort. SCHLORP! KONTEXT-AWAY CRAWLS BACK INTO ITS HIDEY-HOLE ON ITS MYRIAD CILIA! You know, if frogs become any more magnetic, they won't need that long tongue. They'll be able to catch flies by opening their mouth and waiting for a fly containing the correct polarity of monopole to come near. -- K. I know that flies have monopoles because, well, you know those magnetic marbles they keep playing with on the Space Shuttle? Each one of those is really just a gumball containing a housefly! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: ATTENTION, ETIENNE ROUETTE (was ATTENTION, FRANCESCO BENVENUTO) Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 05:55:02 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor M. Otis Beard (barbus@uswest.net) wrote: > > Now I owe YOU an e-mail, but you won't get it, because it bounces every > time I send it to the address from whence your last e-mail to me originated. While we're on the subject of missing Kibologists, does anyone know what may have happened to Etienne Rouette? His E-mail box is returning messages (apparently it's jammed full of letters and numbers and stuff) and he hasn't posted since July 20 (right after I saw him in Quebec.) I hope he didn't get run over by Fred Flintstone's car that was supposed to run over Bob Hope, or assassinated by the Quebecois Language Police for teaching me how to say "poutine" in English, or anything else horrible. -- K. Hopefully not as horrible as "Baby Huey's Big Adventure". P.S. I could try sending him a postcard printed on actual paper, but that's WORK, so I better get you people to do it for me. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Technical support quote of the day! Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 02:19:54 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor From Netscape's technical support database, concerning about a problem with their browser not displaying most of the bookmarks in my list: > You may have too many bookmarks. There is no specific maximum number > of bookmarks but having more than a few hundred is a bad idea. So, there you go, kids. Once you've bookmarked a couple hundred Web sites, stop surfing! There's no need for them to fix their Web browser to let you have larger numbers of bookmarks, just limit yourself to a nice round number like "a few hundred"! -- K. "BAD IDEA" MY ASS! I've got 3,304 bookmarks... and I don't plan to delete any of them, no matter how dead the old ones are. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Saudi Arabia seizes 1,500 "sexy" dolls Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 05:27:58 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor l'AFP told me: > > RIYADH, Sept 21 (AFP) - Saudi authorities have seized 1,500 > shapely dolls considered a bad influence on children in the strictly > conservative Moslem state, a newspaper reported on Tuesday. > Al-Madina said the dolls with shapely breasts and buttocks were > confiscated from 30 shops in the Red Sea port city of Jeddah. The dolls with the shapely breasts and buttocks will be replaced by dolls with flabby, saggy breasts and dodecahedral buttocks. Wait, a docdecahedron is a shape too. So they'll have to replace the dolls with amorphous blobs of runny gelatin with hazy, indistinct boundaries. (Now packaged in 100% non-Euclidean space-time!) Saudia officials have reportedly hired John Cleese as a consultant in the area of sexy doll butts. -- K. I am only bringing up this subject so that I have an excuse to mention the following products again: * The Barbie Computer (with electronic butt) * The Barbie Digital Camera (which can only take photos of butts) * The Barbie Knee Joint (which is implanted into human finger joints to allow people with bone disease to be able to touch butts) * The Barbie toilet (yes, they really do sell a little plastic toilet for her. I guess the point is that you can pretend you're potty-training Barbie. As if she's smart enough to learn.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: news.admin.net-abuse.usenet,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: could someone please verify these cancelled posts Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 06:05:48 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In news.admin.net-abuse.usenet, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > I figured it out. Someone cracked my password with yahoo and dejanews. > Just moments ago I changed my yahoo password but am unable to change > dejanews because there is no place to change it, no emailbox. Does > anyone know how to change a DejaNews password once it is cracked? > > I suppose there are several computers around the world set aside to > crack the password of Archimedes Plutonium. Uh, yeah, Archie, there's a BIG spike in computer sales this week as people run out to catch the wave of that hip new trend, spending tens of thousands of dollars just to guess the password to Archie's free E-mail account. Duuuude, you couldn't even afford to pay for Internet access, as you claim you took that dishwashing job just for the free Internet access at Dartmouth. If you can't afford to use the Internet, why do you think anyone thinks you have anything worth stealing? > I remember last year that > someone had broken into this web page > > http://www.newphys.se/elektromagnum/physics/LudwigPlutonium/ Look like they did it again -- it's all filled with crazy rantings and nonsense that makes you look like a bozo. > I suppose because of my high profile that I need to change my password > about every 2 months to keep ahead of those machines configured to > crack the password of Archimedes Plutonium Someone should reconfigure those machines for a more important task... ...we must password the crack of Archimedes Plutonium. > I think they ought to make a law saying that if a password is cracked > and damage done, that this is illegal activity. GENIUS! BRING ON THE DANCING BEARS OF GENIUS! ALL HAIL ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM, INVENTOR OF THE DIGITAL CAMERA AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER CAME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT CYBERCRIME SHOULD BE A CRIME! > The important factor is "damage done" Naah, the important factor is the "quote marks". -- K. I say we have Archie declared to be a prime because he has no important factors. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: news.admin.net-abuse.usenet,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: could someone please verify these cancelled posts Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 06:25:52 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In news.admin.net-abuse.usenet, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) replied to himself: > > Archimedes Plutonium (plutonium_archimedes@yahoo.com) wrote: > > > > Sorry, I found out that I myself gave away my password. In my haste to > > get my websites in order, I inadvertantly put the EMAIL of that > > transaction of signing on to Yahoo. > > And I hope no-one used my Yahoo account to forge email to someone > during the interim time in which my password was compromised. I had > compromised it myself. > I am in a haste to edit my websites and in the shuffle, my password to > signing > on with Yahoo, I had mistakenly posted to my website. You... posted... your... personal... private... password... on... your... Web... page? Have I told you talkely that you are a GENIUS!!! GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!! GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ? Because you are. Yes, you are. You, Archie, are a GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now please tell everyone A LITTLE LOUDER that your secret password is sitting on your Web page. > I have subsequently changed my Yahoo password, but in the interim of > two days, someone could have opened my Yahoo emailbox and read all of > the mail and could have sent some "nasty-grams out to some of my friends" Assuming, of course, that first the forgers forged some friends for you. > I do not know if it is worthwhile for me to re-sign up with Deja since > they provide no way of changing a password, and that they have no > personalized emailbox But OTHER than that, www.deja.com is super-awesome, eh? -- K. This is the cleverest approach to getting visitors to your Web site I've ever seen... "My password is hidden SOMEWHERE on this site..." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: My annual bad-movie rant: the Disney version of "Mr. Magoo" (REPOST) Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 06:52:56 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com [you may have already seen this, but I'm reposting it because a few days ago a rogue robot ate it] There has never been a good live-action movie based on a cartoon. Think how bad these movies were: "Boris & Natasha" (sat on shelf over a year before release) "Disney's George of the Jungle" "Disney's Dudley Do-Right" "Disney's Mr. Magoo" (Hey, what do the last three films have in common? And watch out for the forthcoming "Rocky & Bullwinkle", which is apparently being underwritten by executives who don't remember "Boris & Natasha".) I bring up this subject because I have just had the misfortune to watch "Mr. Magoo". Now, I never liked the original cartoons much. But at least they were cartoons. Disney's pathetic waste of time wasn't a cartoon. It was Leslie Nielsen with half his hair covered with a pink rubber bald cap. Think about this: In a cartoon, if Mr. Magoo accidentally stepped onto a snowboard, he would go downhill at a million miles an hour, then soar hundreds of feet in the air (passing over an airplane), zoom through the White House, come out wearing Mamie Eisenhower's underwear, and then knock over the Statue of Liberty, without spilling his tea. In a live-action movie, if Mr. Magoo accidentally stepped onto a snowboard, we'd see a close-up of Leslie Nielsen against a bluescreen, then we'd see a professional snowboarder (with the same wig) sliding downhill competently. And I did just see that. Oh dear, oh dear. (I don't know why this movie included a snowboarding scene and a bungee-jumping scene but not a jet-ski scene. That's only two of the three sports you're required to have to be perfectly cool.) Well, let's get down to the individual elements which guarantee that "Mr. Magoo" sucks: "MR. MAGOO"'S NINE DEGREES OF BADNESS 1.) The premise of this movie is that a nearly blind guy walks into things a lot. That is the only joke. And I use the term "joke" loosely. Hypothetically speaking, if Mr. Magoo kept falling down because he was just clumsy (not blind), that would still be not funny. If he keeps falling down because he's handicapped, well, that's unfunny with a twist of evil. There have been lots of other movies where, at certain points, the director dropped the script and said, "Aw, hell, let's just knock everything in the K-Mart over, one at a time!" ("Gremlins". "It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World." "Smorgasbord".) But even the least-inspired Jerry Lewis or Three Stooges vehicle didn't try to get by on sheer clumsiness. And, hey, when Jerry Lewis slips on a banana peel, it's because he's silly, not because he's nearly blind. Also, as the movie points out, Mr. Magoo would have functional vision if only he'd go to an eye doctor, which means that he's only acting handicapped due to choice. Imagine if the movie was about a guy who kept falling down stairs in his wheelchair because he was too stupid to realize that he could walk. (Think how film history would have been different if Dr. Strangelove kept falling down.) 2.) Okay, so Leslie Nielsen is the closest we can come to Jim Backus with a live actor. But, even if the real Jim Backus had been the one pretending to be riding that snowboard in front of the bluescreen, he still couldn't have been a tenth as amusing as a cartoon character with the voice of Jim Backus. 3.) The movie's other big action sequence involves Leslie Nielsen going over a waterfall in a raft. As they deftly intercut bluescreen close-ups of Leslie Nielsen (with blue fringes around his head) with long shots of a tiny model raft, I started singing the "Land of the Lost" theme song. I suspect many of you also have the same reaction to shots of crude models going over tiny fake waterfalls. (Apparently Disney no longer has the money to do special effects any better than Sid & Marty Krofft did in 1975.) 4.) Malcolm McDowell is in this movie. DANGER SIGN! DANGER SIGN! And he's in about, oh, two scenes. DANGER SIGN! DANGER SIGN! Malcolm McDowell is the world's cheapest bad-guy for hire (ever notice how many cheap films have him as the villain? I mean, he tends to appear in _video_games_ these days.) And when they can't even get him to be in much of the film, well... ever seen "Tank Girl"? 5.) As usual with all Disney comedies that are cranked out of their massive crap factory, the attempt at a storyline is this: Jewel thieves accidentally lose "The Star of Kuristan" (a rectangular block of red plastic two inches across) and Mr. Magoo doesn't realize he's carrying it around. (Given that it's supposed to be the world's largest ruby, you'd think they would have looked up what the world's largest ruby looked like. They do get a bit bigger than that.) And as if the words "jewel thieves" aren't enough to guarantee this movie will be tedious -- and that the clever twist ending will be that the good guys get the jewel back, surprise, surprise -- chew on this: When writers are spinning their wheels looking for something to fill up those ninety pages, they write in _two_ jewel thieves and pad out the script with "intrigue", which is Hollywood-speak for having the two jewel thieves argue with each other constantly and double-cross each other ad nauseum. This one has _three_ jewel thieves, plus an FBI agent and a CIA agent, who are all trying to steal the ruby from Mr. Magoo. While fighting with each other and trying to kill each other. (The FBI guy fights with the CIA guy. Also, one of the jewel thieves impersonates an FBI agent to further confuse the three-year-olds in this movie's target audience.) 6.) Just to remind us how much better cartoons are than live-action interpretations of cartoons, the movie opens and closes with actual "Mr. Magoo" cartoons, sandwiching the part where Leslie Nielsen walks around boring everyone. Maybe they should have just held up a big sign saying, "HEY, DID YOU COME TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY LIKED THOSE OLD CARTOONS? TOO BAD, SUCKER! THIS AIN'T YOUR FATHER'S MISTER MAGOO!" 7.) But wait! After the good guys get their chunk of red plastic back (YAWN) and they show a short "Mr. Magoo" cartoon to emphasize that Leslie Nielsen wasn't a cartoon, then... they... they... um... THEY SHOW A BIG TWO-PARAGRAPH APOLOGY FOR MAKING FUN OF BLIND PEOPLE! It's a heartfelt written plea exhorting us to not laugh at blind people as they accidentally step onto upside-down ironing boards that they think are snowboards. Well, okay, it doesn't exactly say that, but it _does_ tell us (in a screenful of tiny, hard-to-read red letters) that visually-impaired people are able to hold "a wide variety of jobs" (if I recall the wording) and that we should never discriminate against people with visual impairments. However, they forgot to say anything about the one-legged Latino villain or the midget dressed as a monkey. 8.) Did I mention the movie has a midget in a monkey suit? He's supposed to be scary and funny at the same time. I think. (I just kept thinking, "Gee, it must suck to be a little person in Hollywood. You only get work if you wear the monkey-fur suit or the leprechaun suit.") 9.) And, after they heroically reclaim the purloined plastic puck, and we see a cartoon starring the animated character who isn't Leslie Nielsen, and we see Disney's apology for the movie, what's the ultimate capper to the perfect evening? Why, bloopers from the making of the film, of course. This is their way of acknowledging that nothing funny happened when they were _trying_ to be funny, and that maybe these scenes of actors forgetting their lines will be funnier than watching them read from the lame script. And, just in case watching Leslie Nielsen with a blank look on his face isn't funny enough, then we see bloopers from the stunt scenes. HO HO HO! THE GUY WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO LAND ON THE BACK OF THE PLASTER DINOSAUR MISSED AND HIT THE FLOOR! (It would be better if he fell on his face and poked his eyes out, because then he'd be funny in _two_ ways. Three ways if he also lost a leg or was a midget dressed like a monkey.) To sum up, I don't think I found this movie to be a rollicking laugh-a-minute romantic action comedy musical gabfest. I found it to be a thing which had no effect other than to make the useful portion of my life ninety minutes shorter. I am now going to go down to Disney headquarters and demand the money back for everyone who saw it in a theater. (I don't know what I'm going to do with two hundred dollars, but it's the principle of the thing.) -- K. Plus there were probably some people who walked out when it was shown on airplanes, and did not land harmlessly on top of a blimp that said "UPA". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Is the moon still there? (REPOST) Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 06:53:00 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com [repost of an article that got eaten by a rogue robot a few days ago] Beable "van" Polasm (beable@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Is the moon still there? I'm afraid to look. Here is > a report of THE MOON EXPLODING from the front page of > a major Austrian newspaper "The Sydney Morning Herald" > yesterday. Please note that "The Sydney Morning Herald" > is a SERIOUS BROADSHEET and not TABLOID NONSENSE! > > TODAY, September 13, 1999, is the day that, according > to the 48-episode TV show Space: 1999 (made 1973-75) > the explosion of atomic waste dumps blasts the moon > out of its orbit. The 311 personnel of Moonbase Alpha > are hurled into space. The director was Gerry Anderson > and the cast included Martin Landau, Barbara Bain, Barry > Morse and Australian Nick Tate. Ooh, Gerry Anderson has been promoted from producer to director. I bet that'll teach that Charles Crichton guy to get all snooty about his success with "A Fish Called Wanda" and "Jurassic Park". Also, yesterday was only the day that SOME of the episodes claimed the Moon blew up. Continuity problems, you know. And for Australians to be proud of the Australian guy on "Space: 1999" is like black guys being proud of the black guy inside Jar Jar Binks. Nick Tate's character consisted of a guy in outback boots who went around reminding everyone he was from a planet called Australia: MARTIN LANDAU: (grimacing) Launch all Eagles! NICK TATE: Aye aye, and oy, mate! G'day, maye, oy'm frowm Awstroilya! Lookit me dingo boots! Put another shrimp on'e Barbie, mate! BARRY MORSE: Look at that, a whole galaxy is exploding ten feet away! BARBARA BAIN: (tonelessly) Oh no. MARTIN LANDAU: (contorting all his facial muscles) YAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!! NICK TATE: Oy'm still frowm Awstroilya! WIL WHEATON: Hurry up and get to the part where you get killed by being wrapped in selenium on "Star Trek: The Next Generation". -- K. Gotta go, the smell of my meat loaf is getting really loud. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.econ,talk.philosophy.misc,talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: movie: Transition Phase of AP from Jul-Sep99 Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 03:29:36 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.econ, talk.philosophy.misc, and talk.religion.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > (from New Hampshire) My last night, last supper, Cool! Is this the version with the big translucent dodecahedron behind you, or the original DaVinci one? > but most memorable to me is the Last Shower in New Hampshire. I swear that the first time I read this, my brain thought it said "...the last Shatner in New Hampshire." > Probably my best memory of Dartmouth College is the 1/2 hour showers > that I took, so few bright spots in the last 3 years. (Kibo reaches into The Obvious Bag and pulls out:) YES, ARCH, YOUR SHOWERS HAVE BEEN SUCH FEW BRIGHT SPOTS IN THE PAST 3 YEARS. P-U! (Kibo neatly folds up The Obvious Bag and hands it to a dancing bear.) > The Last Shower. Archie may never shower again. Who knows, someday he might win the Nobel Prize For Not Showering. > Which brings me to mind about all the travelling that begins > tomorrow is that for a traveller the two basic items, before > even food is sleep and shower. > > But a few thoughts about today in New Hampshire, a drizzly rain > day. Yesterday I spent the whole day editing my websites for the > last time and in saving on disc the > websites as insurance. And that took up into 3am in the morning. > So tonight I plan to get alot of sleep, go to bed early and > be fresh for tomorrows travel. > > I want to just record some of my thoughts and feelings. > > I have noticed that my eyes have taken a beating in the past > ten years ...from all those imaginary fistfights you've claimed to have had with me. [Archimedes Plutonium, October, 1998] --> --> I would like legal answers as to fights and fighting as to who is at --> blame? And how the courts look upon fights and fight consequences. That --> is, if both Parry and I had broken bones and teeth and ribs and other --> nasties. To me the fight was caused by Parry for what I perceived as a --> endless stalking. [Archimedes Plutonium, October, 1998] --> --> Theresa, a couple of days ago I posted about fighting Kibo --> due to his 5 years of stalking me. But, Archie, I don't hold a grudge against you for beating me up in your little universe. I wish you a fond farewell, and I will miss these imaginary fistfights, 'cause I always looked forward to winning them. > and that I have needed new prescriptions. The last > time the eye doctor said that my eyes will not change much > further. I am far sighted. And I think the inordinant time I > spent behind computers in the last 10 years has taken its toll > on my eyes. For in those 10 years I have changed prescriptions > twice but now, already, just a year or two since my last > prescription my eyes seem to be struggling to read again. > Perhaps instead of going to the eye doctor every 2 or 3 years > and brand new glasses, I am thinking of carrying around a > large magnifier, such as Sherlock Holmes and forget this > eye business. When do you begin your studies of the Sun? > And today in the drizzle rain, I had a most beautiful flashback > to my Halifax Canada visit of the summer and me running to the > spring nearby and getting 10 gallons of spring water. I can just > picture that sun on my back, This is the most vivid memory I've ever heard of someone looking at his own back. > the wild blackberries and the evening sunset. Usually these > flashbacks have to wait in my "mind" for years before I recall > them with pleasure, but now it seems that recent experiences > are in a flashback mode. Folks, I swear on a stack of bibles that _he_ was the one who put quote marks around "mind". ("Don't ever use the word 'mind'!" -- Michael O'Donoghue) > And sorting out what I will take on this trip across the USA to > visit the places of the famous scientists, I hope you can find that town in New Jersey where Einstein was born, and that one in California where Galileo dropped some balls off the Golden Gate Bridge. > before I thought I would take all cotton for comfort and who > cares about wrinkles. YEAH, WHO CARES ABOUT WRINKLES! Actually, we do care about wrinkles, and, Arch, we don't need to see any of them, so please wear clothes. > But now I changed my mind, for I am taking a variety of clothing > material types. Recently I spyed a thrown out magazine that > sells travel items and was reading about "microfiber" and non- > ironing cotton. UNLIKE THOSE REGULAR SHIRTS THAT KEEP IRONING ALL YOUR OTHER SHIRTS! > I do not know how effective those "nonironing" clothes really are. Isn't that question nonironic? > But I have come to the conclusion that no one material will be > "best in all cases" and that we need to have a variety of material types, GENIUS! Next, Archie will settle the "Mac vs. Windows" debate for once and for all. > where cotton is best at some time but not others, same for polyester > or nylon. So I decided to take a variety, and I even snuck in a silk shirt Archimedes Plutonium-inspired Techno-Rave Band Name #38: ARCHIE SNUCK IN A SILK SHIRT > and would you believe it, a mosquito netting shirt. Hmm. According to the photos on your Web page, you used to sleep with a mosquito net over your bed at Dartmouth. Does this mean you cut your bed's net up to make a shirt? If so, then I'll wager five dollars you also have a new pair of quilted snow pants with pictures of Yoda all over. > Now, there is a shirt that is great for non-ironing and for hot weather, > only trouble is that it shows my chest hairs, (Kibo tries to reach into The Obvious Bag but it is filled with something incredibly disgusting.) > otherwise I would wear it more often. So, I learned the lesson that > there is no "one solution" for clothing except the solution is "variety". And don't let people see your wrinkles, chest hairs, or Yoda bedspread. > A few days ago I posted saying something that I was one of the > most sacrificing and orderly person, both logical order and > material order. As to why I was the Chosen One. But I rather think > I was elected as the Chosen One by the Proton/Neutron gods > because I am energetic. To give an example is that I worked all > day yesterday way into the night and finished at 3am. I doubt > anyone in the world would have that type of commitment. Yes, Archie, nobody else in the world has ever stayed awake to 3am working on their Web site. Not even me. Well, okay, I'll stop being sarcastic and will give you the benefit of the doubt: ARCHIE, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST GEEK IN THE WORLD. > I prayed that I would get done, and I did. And I prayed today that no > problems would arise that would interfer with a smooth departure > tomorrow and so far it is smooth. I also pray that Archie has a smooth and rapid departure on his important mission of pestering the attendants at the gravesites of the famous scientists. > But to elaborate on this utter order that I have. I even took > out the batteries of my flashlights. Did you also sort out the toys in your attic? > And whereas most people on "moving" would not bother with the > dirty clothes hamper, that was the first chore on my agenda today > was to make sure all of my clothes, except the ones wearing were clean. Well, yeah, the ones you're wearing are unclean by definition. They're _contaminated_. > I think most everyone would have just put the dirty clothes in a bag while Archie was wearing them > and waited to wash them later. But not me. You travelled back in time and washed them _before_ putting them in the bag! > And on this trip I will take 2 books for light reading to keep me > amused. One is 4 Pragmatists and the other is New World of Philosophy. I sincerely hope you enjoy yourself on your trip, reading your books while driving across the country. > I had read both of them around my graduation from UC 1972. Here I will > read them for the last time and then sell them at a bookstore along the way. BOOKS SO GOOD YOU'LL SAY, "I AM NEVER READING THESE AGAIN!" > Total weight: my body 135 lbs. My 2 rucksacks carrying total > 9 lbs. So total weight is about 145 lbs. I plan to do alot of > running. And the food I eat along the way is a pattern I > developed on the last tour I made. I buy a small package of rice > and one of green peas and one of unshelled peanuts. And stop > in grocery stores along the way to eat 5 oranges at a time. For > breakfast lunch and dinner I pop a mouthful of rice or peas > and dissolve it in my mouth. (You know, like Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly".) > I expect that by the time I return from this tour that I will > weigh 120 lbs, having lost 15. All this just to go to The Ground Round's "Mad Scientists Pay What They Weigh" night. > I am glad to do this because on such a trip, the sights and sounds > and changing scenery so excite the mind that the brain does > not think or worry about a cranberry strudel, Thai Chef Dinners > of spinach with cheese tofu, WOW! YOU MUST HAVE TO BE REALLY EXCITED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT CHEESE TOFU! > hot roll with butter, and green tea which I ate for Last Supper > tonight. I am using the opportunity of this trip to reduce my > weight to that of High School. I think you'd have to gain a LOT of weight to equal a whole high school... "...and when Archie sits around the cafeteria, he sits AROUND the cafeteria!" > I am taking those two books because in College pragmatism became > my love, and starting out the Tour of famous USA scientists, the > Pragmatists, and Pragmatism is the most scientific of all > philosophies. But scientism is the most pragmatic of all philosophies. > The pragmatist Charles Pierce in fact aided me in the discovery > of the Atom Totality theory, but I will discuss this when the Tour > begins tomorrow when I find a computer along the tour route. (Mental image: Archimedes Plutonium is wearing a green-striped rugby shirt made of mosquito netting as he wanders around in the middle of the highway asking in a horribly perky voice, "Do YOUUUU see a COMPUUUTER?" The a blue cardboard cutout of a dog bites him. Watch "Pu's Clues", coming this fall to PBS!) > But I wanted to discuss pragmatism with my washing of the dirty > clothes before I leave. Why wash them anyway because more than > likely I will need to wash them again when I get home to Canada? > Was it pragmatic for me to have started the day washing the clothes > and I would argue that perhaps not, in that I was idealistic. > (Seems as though much of my life has been a competing between > idealistic and pragmatic). Probably not pragmatic for me to have > washed those clothes, but if I had not, then I would feel > worse. I would feel like someone who is dirty and needs a shower > yet puts on clean clothes. Something about my character that I > need things "in order" and done properly, and that I do not feel > good, if I left something incomplete. A house that has a brick > missing in the wall will not suffer much, but it is that gap, that > hole that bothers me. And you're a few bricks shy of a wall, no? > And, one of my last threads to the Internet was on Commoditizing > Real Estate. Also I combined the topic of a National Sales tax > in that some senators of the USA are considering making a Natl. > Sales tax and getting rid of the income tax. My own personal > opinion is that what will happen is a Natl.Sales tax will pass > but instead of dropping the income tax, US citizens will look > forward to having two taxes, the income tax and a Natl. Sales tax. > Superpowers, in past history and now have voracious appetites for > tax money. Such is the cost for having the privilege of living > in a superpowerdom nation. It's taxes that make nations great! (This is why Sweden is the most powerful country in the world.) > And most people would have alot of things on their mind on > the night of embarking upon a worldwide tour mission of the sites > of famous scientists. So what is on the mind of Archimedes > Plutonium before he embarks tomorrow? Water? > Well, it would surprize you. What is on my mind is tax. Hopefully thumb tax. Really pointy ones. Hey, Chris Burden became a famous performance artist after sticking thumbtacks into his body, nailing himself to the hood of a Volkswagen which was driven into a wall, and then shoving two arc-welder leads together so they exploded against his chest. Top that! (For those of you who don't believe me, you can see photos of Chris Burden burning his chest at http://www.artnode.se/burden/ .) > And I read that the state of Florida has what is called an > "Intangible Tax". In my home country, Kibonia, there is a tax on taxes. This is to punish people who are stupid enough to pay taxes, by charging them an extra 50% tax on the tax. And on the tax on the tax. And on the tax on the tax on the tax. Of course, each tax is on the _sum_ of all the previous taxes and the purchase prices -- it all adds up to being totally irrational. > I read it first from a travel book, and it is remarkable that > any travel book would teach a person such, for most travel books > in my opinion are outdated or more of a advertising medium > and not a teaching medium. And when I read it I thought it was > a tax on livestock such as cattle, and pigs. Oh, yeah, pigs are quite intangible. This is why my fork always goes right through the ham when I try to pick it up. > But no, it is a tax on stock market shares. At least that is > what I understand after looking it up on Netscape of the > Florida taxes. I am not sure how it works, but I suspect the > state of Florida assesses all stock market accounts as to market > value at say 1 Jan of each year and then taxes a percentage of that. I think you're confusing stocks with horses. It's the horses that all simultaneously become a year older on January 1st. > Sort of like a house and land assessment and then property tax on it. > Maybe I am misunderstanding how this tax works. It shouldn't matter to you, as it would only affect people who own stocks or real estate. > But if not, then it may become a trend across the United States. > And think of the state of Washington of Mr. Gates with his > 100 billion worth of stock, that a 5% "intangible tax" would force > Mr. Gates to have to sell some of his stock every year just to pay > 5 billion in taxes. Oh, yeah, he couldn't just INVEST the money and pay taxes because Bill Gates has never made more than a 5% profit in any year. His shameful secret: He was born with $99,999,999,999, and Microsoft only ever earned ONE DOLLAR! > Perhaps I am misunderstanding this Florida "intangible tax" > Could someone please clarify it? I like ghee but I only have butter. Could someone please clarify it? > http://www.galstar.com/~ichudov/ppl/ap/index.html > http://www.newphys.se/elektromagnum/physics/LudwigPlutonium/ I still want to know when you're going to travel to Sweden to visit your Web site. (Lord knows the rest of the world has been visiting it ever since you announced that you had accidentally posted your passwords on it.) But, in all seriousness, bon voyage, and don't forget that in your travels, public libraries are the best place for _anyone_ to get Internet access. I mean, look at Don Saklad. -- K. Although I still have a hard time imagining Archie being near that many science books. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: George C. Scott, R.I.P. Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 07:32:29 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I'd just like to say that I've always thought that, in "Dr. Strangelove", George C. Scott's performance was funnier than Sterling Hayden's, Slim Pickens's, or even Peter Sellers's. He was clearly having a _lot_ of fun with that role. Oddly enough, he appears to have _never_ been mentioned in my archive of alt.religion.kibology (until now), which is probably the surest sign that he was a classy actor. -- K. I could have sworn I had quoted him saying "You DEFILED the memory of our nation's GREATEST PRESIDENT just so you could say you had SEX in LINCOLN'S BED?" at least once. (Commercial for the series "Mr. President", Fox, 1997. I forget whether or not it was supposed to be a comedy.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Killing Bugs for Fun Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 22:16:32 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp In sci.bio.misc, "MySearcher" (mysearcher@cs.com) wrote: > > WAPE, a local Jacksonville, Florida radio station, is having a contest to > see who can send in the most dead love bugs. One of course has to kill > them to improve the odds of winning. These bugs are a nuisance but cause > no harm. We should not be promoting such an exercise. Does anyone care > that once again humans have determined that killing for fun is cool? Oh no! For nearly two weeks, humans had considered that killing for fun was not cool, but now WAPE has ruined everything! It's too bad we made WAPE the official arbiter of What Is Cool! Now we have to kill bugs because my radio said to! (Or was it my dog?) Actually, they people mailing dead bugs to the radio station aren't doing it to be cool, they're doing it for money. So that's okay. Also, sending bugs (alive or dead) through the mail is illegal, I recall from some book I read as a kid. I think it was by Beverly Cleary. Jorge1907 (jorge1907@aol.com) responded to "MySearcher": > > Give it a rest - this is a trivial concept that will not conceivably affect > love bug populations and is within the range of (human) free speech. YEAH! HITTING BUGS WITH A HAMMER IS THE SAME AS TALKING!!! THE FOUNDING FATHERS CRUSHED BUGS TO WIN RADIO CONTESTS ALL THE TIME! IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION! SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK, ALONG WITH THE PART ABOUT INTERNET PORN! Also, I don't think anyone would shed a tear if someone were to crush Herbie The Love Bug. -- K. Or The Barefoot Executive or The Cat From Outer Space or especially The Million-Dollar Duck. P.S. This whole business of killing bugs to be cool on the Internet is Grace Hopper's legacy.