Newsgroups: sci.edu,soc.history,talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Revisit Ithaca Cornell; AP's SCIENCE-RELIGION-ODYSSEY movie Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 19 Oct 1999 03:59:37 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In sci.edu, soc.history, and talk.religion.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > (posting from Princeton Univ) > > On my trip so far, one place sticks out as my favorite > and Cornell has become that. Yesterday I posted to Internet > from Cornell but also was able to use a iMac to get to > Fetch ftp program and BBEdit in combination. > I am at Princeton at the moment posting and am able to also > get an iMac plus Fetch plus BBEdit. So, what color is your iMac, and what flavor ice cream did you drip on it? Pink and pink, right? > But earlier in the day upon arrival at Princeton and going > to the library, I was not allowed entrance unless I bought a > 20 dollar pass. It looked gloomy as far as posting out, You made the right decision in choosing between saving your twenty dollars and telling the rest of the Universe about your most incredibly important scientific theory ever. > and then I found Fine Hall. And also, I was looking for a grocery > store for some oranges and walked to the main shops and asked > around and found that there does not exist any grocery store > near the campus of Princeton. Damn! They mistakenly set The Eradicator on "grocery stores" and not "mad scientists"! > I am finding out that many Universities, not just Princeton, do not > have a grocery store near the campus, for the reason I suspect to > guoge the students into paying on-campus prices for food. And force them to pay through the nose for guoda hceese. > This shopping area had perhaps 50,000 pizza shops but not a > single grocery store They didn't have a SINGLE pizza shop either, you just said they had fifty thousand, you bozo! > where I can buy an orange for 30 cents instead of > paying 75 cents for an orange on campus. This is a problem > not confined to Princeton, but Cornell also has a problem > of having to walk over a mile for a grocery store like > Albertsons. Arch... they have this new invention... it's called a car... and/or bicycle... and/or shuttle bus... and or fraternity brother with a wicked cool van... > Utah State does not have that problem. And all > Universities should have a full sized grocery store nearby > the campus because college students, since not employed > would be most interested in getting food value for their > money. And it is unfair to force students to pay $2 > for an ice cream that costs 75 cents in a full sized > grocery store and have to walk more than a mile to get > that value. Yet these campuses have 50,000 pizza joints > on every street. Yeah, and they never have any pizza because IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO BUY ANY TOMATO SAUCE BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY SUPERMARKETS WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE! > After collating my website and posting from Cornell I > departed for NYC again with Atlantic City and Princeton in > mind. I have decided that since I have used up only 1/2 of > my Ameripass that I am going to make another circuit of the > USA and see places I have never seen before. must... resist... impulse... to... say... "shower"... > My science tour of the USA is over with for the most part, > and this second circuit is for curiousity and enjoyment. Say hi to the security guards at CWRU for me. Tell them you're just wandering around their campus for your personal enjoyment. This time they won't consider you dangerous if you just show them you aren't wearing anything under your trenchcoat. > Arriving in NYC it was raining for the first time of > my tour starting 23rd Sept. I have been travelling with > great weather. And I boarded the bus from NYC to Atlantic > City AC and arrived there early morning and walked the > wood boardwalk on 18Oct. Arch, you know you can't REALLY buy Mediterranean Avenue for two dollars, right? > I was curious to compare to Las Vegas LV. In my opinion AC > is another Reno and both are about 50 years behind LV. LV has made their > attraction that of "fantasy" with gambling and shows as > side attractions. And in the day when states have state > lotteries such as Megabucks, STATES SHOULD ONLY HAVE FEDERAL LOTTERIES, AND VICE VERSA! > it seems as though slot machine gambling and table gambling > are cruder and dinosaurish gambling. That's why the brontosaurus went extinct! It wasn't any good at playing the slots! > The ease of getting a Megabucks ticket from a corner gas station ...and then complaining about how you had to walk a whole mile to the gas station. > and the possibility of winning 10 to 50 million beats > travelling to gambling cities to gamble. Thus, LV and AC > and Reno need more to attract, and that is what LV offers-- > entertainment and fantasy. A trip to LV now is similar > to going to DisneyWorld in Orlando Florida. Except instead of meeting midgets running around with giant mouse heads there's only one mental midget running around with a giant head. And he's eating ice cream while running away from the security guards trying to keep him from using their iMacs for free. > So, I was not impressed by AC and found the only > fantasy was the Taj Mahil fantasy of some Middle East > domes, but no replica of the Taj Mahil itself. "Taj Mahil"? Did you realize this while buying your Megabucks ticket at your local Mobal gas station? > So I guess it is up to LV to build a casino on the strip > to replicate the real Taj Mahil. And the fantasy of a film > front wrecked with a wrecking ball. Why not just cut out the middleman and wreck the real Taj Mahal? > And it is interesting how LV is handicapped with having > no ocean beach front yet LV is in my opinion 50 years > ahead of AC. I suppose LV can build a fake replica of > an ocean front and in their replica they will not be > hindered by the constant movement of the beach sands that > AC is plagued and annoyed with the movement of the beach > sands and the constant need to replace the sands. That is > an interesting subject to study is the movement of beach > sands. Yes, why don't you study it from below? > And I was intrigued this morning with the boardwalk of > AC in that I have plenty of wood on my property in Canada Arch, stop reading Penthouse when you're supposed to be doing yardwork! > and perhaps if I bought a bench saw could build myself > a wood driveway. Try building one all the way to the supermarket so it will be easier on your feet when you walk there for groceries because you keep forgetting about that car you supposedly have. > But the trouble with that is the time taken, taken from > the King of Science. For I have far better things to do. THE KING OF SCIENCE'S TIME IS TAKEN UP 24 HOURS A DAY WITH TELLING EVERYONE HE IS THE KING OF SCIENCE! ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GUY WHO IS TOO IMPORTANT TO EVER DO ANYTHING! Geez, even Mickey Mouse does more stuff than you. I'm not sure if he gets as much wood on his property, though. > Enough of Atlantic City and by noon was on the train, > a New Jersey train to Princeton. I have found out that New > Jersey seems to have isolated itself in transportation in > that any transport inside of New Jersey has to be with a NJ line. Yeah, whereas in California you can go from Los Angeles to San Francisco without ever leaving Maine. > Greyhound has no inside New Jersey links. I do not know > if I like that set-up or not. That to get to Princeton, it > seems as though I was dropped off at the NJ border and have to > connect with "only NJ transport". I do not know if this is > good or bad for consider if every state public transport were > set-up in the fashion that NJ is set-up, then everytime > a traveller reaches a new state, he/she would be dumped off > at the border and have to connect solely with the new state's > transportation system. But I sort of like travelling by train > for at least some of the USA tour. And I caught the train from > Philadelphia to Trenton and then to Princeton Junction and > finally to Princeton. A total of $8.75 to get from Philly to > Princeton Univ. And twice now on this tour I have had to catch > a taxi. I had to catch a taxi from Niagra Falls back to Buffalo. > My comment on taxis is that the Greyhound bus can take you > across 3 or 4 states for the price of a taxi ride of 30 miles. Taking a taxi long distance costs more than riding a bus? GENIUS!!! > I wanted to stop in Philly at that chocolate ice cream > place, but in the travelling mode, I seem to be constantly > on the go go go. Well, that's what happens if you eat lots of ice cream and then sit in a bus jiggling up and down for six hours. > And whilst on the train through New Jersey the eerie thought > came to me of what the founding fathers of the USA and > of the Revolutionary War, such as George Washington, > whether in their minds they ever envisioned a future US > of 200 years ahead whether people would be travelling by > train across the fields in which they fought the > Revolutionary War. Yeah, I remember reading about how General Washington called a time-out in the middle of the Battle of Trenton while he thought about what it would be like if mad scientists could travel around eating ice cream on horseless buses, and then they went back to having their unimportant little war about something other than ice cream. > I do not think many of us spend enough time envisioning > the future ...especially the part after Archie's death... > and what future people will be doing with the land that > we are so accustomed with now. I'll tell you one thing. Nobody's ever going to get wood on your land. > Not enough people take pause in thinking of the future ahead > and try to envision what those futurites will be doing. Futurite? Arch, you're more of a Vegemite. -- K. Now please stop flaunting your wood. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Obsession Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Tue, 19 Oct 1999 05:01:50 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Karlo Takki (ktakki@xensei.com) wrote: > > Today's Boston Globe has an item ...is it my imagination, or is the Boston Globe the only newspaper any Kibologists read? That and "Mondo 2000". HEY I BET IN TWO YEARS, "MONDO 2000" WILL SEEM LAME! > about a Nashua, NH man who shot and killed the object of his > obsession and then himself. In that order? > What makes this newsworthy enough for Page 1 (below the fold) > is that for seven years, Liam Youens told everybody about his > obsession with Amy Boyer. Including the internet. He didn't tell ME! I have kept obsessive diaries detailing the actions of every stalker on the Internet, and have been collecting night-vision photos of them sleeping in their beds, and I've been stealing their garbage and being really careful to put it back somewhere in their yard the next day. And I can't find any evidence that Liam Youens told me. Searching for "Youens" and "Boyer" in the alt.religion.kibology archives turned up this: ! Anyway, my own personal collection of books consists mostly ! of history of math type of books. I find more technical books ! to boring to read, much less own. Eves book is one of the best ! history books on math that I have seen. Boyer's book is another. ! ! -- Ludwig Plutonium in alt.religion.kibology, August 1994 And one post by a Mr. Boyer who accidentally coined the meme "...you donut rat!" : The people responsible for terminating Martin Leisses account and getting : him investigated by the police and SS (Secret Service) are rats who have : violated basic rules of human decency, one of which is, you donet rat on : someone to the secret police. : -- Daniel C. Boyer, July 1994 / "donet rat." I predict this phrase will become the next "beable" / of the net. / -- P. Fritz Cronheim, July 1994 < I resent this sort of unbiased slander. You have sullied my name in < public, and I demand an enemic retration! < < -- "berzerk@xmission.com" (Roger Bryner), July 1994 ) let's see, would an enemic retration be somrthing that you donet rat ) to a beable? ) -- P. Fritz Cronheim, July 1994 [back to Karlo Takki talking about the crazed stalker's Web sites...] > > Still up: > http://www.geocities.com/WallStreet/Floor/8625/ > > 404'd: > http://www.tripod.com/amyboyer I like how he loved his high school sweetheart^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hstalkee so much that not only did he name his Web sites after her, he named his E-mail address after her! From the first page: -> If your server causes the pictures to be out of alignment, -> or if you have any questions please e-mail me at amyboyer@prodigy.net Yeah. How the hell could my Web server make YOUR pictures be out of alignment? They're on YOUR server, you dweeb! That's right, I called you a dweeb. What're you gonna do, kill me? HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO BE A GOOD STALKER IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A WEB SERVER? (I also like that his site has pictures of all of her friends, and a page titled "MINOR PEOPLE" which is marked "UNDER CONSTRUCTION". I wonder when the late Mr. Youens will finish his Minor People's Page.) > If you really want background, "Liam Youens" is a rather unique > search string. He's also signed the guestbooks at a site > dedicated to serial killers and mass murderers and also a > "Trolls 'n' Tunnels" site. Killer nrrrrrd! I just want to meet a killer dweeb who becomes obsessed with the movie "Mazes & Monsters" and starts pretending he's Tom Hanks and has to develop three extremely stupid friends who don't notice the signs and then he goes insane at the top of the World Trade Center and then wins back-to-back Oscars. For something else, of course. > On a Bumgarneresque note, the internet angle gives this story > a faux-millenial frisson that simple stalking and murder can't > achieve. He also posted (on his Web site) a short story written by an aquaintance in school, and it's all about how he's going to grow up to be a psycho: -> Gramme was not a member of youth group when I was there, -> but he was a friend of Bethannie's. I knew him from writing class, -> though I had never spoken to him. I'm sure he talked about me, -> but he never wrote about me until the February incident occured. -> When I had read the story ironically only he and his friend were -> there; his friend wrote some less creative things earlier; -> I pretended not to notice. -> Young Willem always wanted to belong. Unfortunately, he never -> really did, though. Willem was a rather quiet child, a trait -> born from his extremely low self-esteem. He was withdrawn, -> unwilling to approach others, instead he stood and watched the -> others, hoping one of them would approach him. His extreme lack -> of self-confidence paved the path for his loney, desperate -> childhood. -> -> Willem was always an outsider looking in, wishing to join in the -> fun other youngsters shared, yet not wanting to be seen, -> reproachful of large crowds for fear of being humiliatedd. -> -> He remembered one particularly regretful moment in his dull, -> uneventful childhood that he wishes he could do over again. It -> was the summer of his eleventh year, at a sword fighting -> tournament in which almost all the village boys participated. -> Now of course they did not use real swords, and Willem was -> thankful because he probably would have stumbled and speared -> himself with it, but wooden blades, flat like a paddle with a -> blunted tip. Willem was reclused from the crowd, standing alone -> away from the small crowd of gatherers that cheered on their -> champions to victory. Willem was alone, like a daisy sprouting -> up from a field of grass. No wait a minute, it was actually more -> like an acorn that had fallen off it's tree, helplessly cut off -> from the other. -> -> Willem had watched with excitement, his mind forgetting about -> the competition and drifting away like smoke into another one of -> his daydreams. These daydreams were one of they ways Willem kept -> his sanity in his loney life. Willem pictured himself as the -> Queen's Champion, awarrior who stood above the others, his -> followers. But the happy fantasy turned sour, as the Queen and -> all the followers had the faces of the villagers of his town. -> How can I be a Champion? I can't even muster the courage to talk -> to them? Willem was at rock-bottom now. He knew that wherever he -> went, there would be people just like the ones surrounding him -> now, that he would have to communicate with. He knew they would -> look at him and laugh at his lanky appearance the way he was -> sure everyone else did. -> -> Under Construction 2/3rds more to copy I'd love to know how the story turned out. Did Liam/Willem/Liwem/Mawim/Limon grow up to be The Queen's Champion or did he just go nuts and shoot himself? NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW! Note that Liam's site keeps talking about "the February Incident" and "the current situation" but the page for "The Situation" is still "Under Construction". Pardon my "quotes". His Web site also has some poems, which must have been A Sad Cry For Help because they sure ain't poetry: -> untitled no 1 -> -> Where I am noone will see me -> People only can when they are far -> Curled up in myself is where I belong -> The pain leaves me empty waiting to die -> -> [continues about suicide, followed by two more poems about suicide] I think that either his school psychiatrist didn't see that, or else they just said, "Well, maybe he'll just grow up to be MTV's 'Daria'." His guestbook contained these as the final two entries: -> Nice page. Very informative. Keep it up. -> Liam Youens shot and killed Amy Boyer on Friday, 18 Oct. 99, -> outside her workplace before turning the gun on himself. WOW, I BET NOW THAT FIRST PERSON FEELS STUPID ABOUT THEIR COMMENT! -- K. Maybe someone should write a program to automatically scan the Web looking for sites that drop heavy hints of being written by future serial killers, and then send those people some gifts to keep them busy so they won't go nuts. Like, a "Doom" game. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I R USING INTERNET???/? Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 20 Oct 1999 00:26:20 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor Simon Clark (clarksj@my-deja.com) wrote: > > > From a spam I just received: > > > > Are you an Internet user? > > > BRING ON THE DANCING BEARS OF DUH!!! I hope you wrote back, "I resent your accusation that I am a user! I have never used illegal drugs in my life! These kids today!" ...because a certain local Internet service provider likes to refer to their users as "customers" and not "users" because apparently some people freak out when you call them a "user". Mainly older folks. Especially if they did lots of drugs in the '60s while in their 60s. Either that, or should should have mailed back a sackful of dancing bears who hadn't been fed in six weeks and were wearing REALLY tight dance belts. Now here's my "DUH?" of the day: Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup keeps telling me (via my television) that it is "the first interactive snack!" Duh? Duh duh? Doy? They go on to explain that you're supposed to use your hands to eat soup now, and they show that your kids will stop playing violent video games if you let them use their hands to shove noodles into their mouths! Just once I'd like to meet someone who simulatenously believes all the stupdities promulgated in TV commercials. "Yes, Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup is interactive, and is the only food you can eat with your hands. Now pardon me while I eat my potato chips by sticking this pickle fork into them. Whoops! I broke another one." -- K. It's still not as dumb as IHOP'S "AND TANGY BLUEBERRY TOPPING IN THE MIDDLE!" though. (Dumb phrase spotted by someone else way back when.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I R USING INTERNET???/? User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:48 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Mr. Hole" (holefamily1@webtv.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [...] Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup [...] > > NO! Don`t consume "Cambell`s Chicken Noodle Soup" the stuff`s loaded > with sodium. You`ll doom yourself to an eternity of torment unknown > since Sisyphus` time. I swear that the first time I read this it said "...you'll doom yourself to an eternity of syphilis" and I was going to write back that that was just the kind with the spiral noodles, but I can't make fun of the way some STUPID microbes are shaped because it doesn't really say that, so I'll just make fun of the way all your apostrophes are falling over to the left, but I'll be too kind to reach into The Obvious Bag for something about your first initial. -- K. Print out this article which describes how to identify syphilis bacteria and sneak it into your next microbiology exam if you enjoy spirocheats. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I R USING INTERNET???/? User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:53 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com robert lindsay (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > "Poot Rootbeer" (poot@dork.com) wrote: > > > > Chris Costello (chris@FreeBSD.org) wrote: > > > > > > Southwestern Bell is offering an "Email Without Computers" > > > toy. It's sort of like my Tandy laptop (which weighs about 20 > > > pounds and has a 10" old, old, old LCD screen), but smaller and > > > presumably lighter. > > > > But is it Tandier? Tandy Tomputers... endorsed by Allen Tunt! SORRY! SORRY! PUT THAT BACK IN THE "NATIONAL LAMPOON CIRCA 1983" BAG, TIE IT UP, AND SPANK IT! > > Also, does anyone know if pine has been ported to GameBoy Color yet? > > And if it has, does it have pikachu colored smileys? Not colored, but FLAVORED. On this train trip, I'm fighting (and losing) to amuse myself by reading alt.religion.kibology on my uncomfortably warm laptop, which is sitting on my uncomfortably warm lap top. I'm struggling with a newsreader program I don't really like -- it can let me wade through the past week's articles offline (unlike my usual choices of newsreaders) and has a few other nice features, but it likes to open windows at random widths that might be more or less than 80 columns depending on whether the last thing anyone said was a vowel or a consonant, or something like that. It has one of those "tree-style" displays of the article's genealogy at the top (much like trn does) showing me that I AM HERE, and LOWERCASE ROBERT LINDSAY WAS IN THE PAST, and CHRIS COSTELLO WAS BACK IN CAVEMAN DAYS. I spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to make the little round dot which is me (my computer is so smart that from its point of view I'm just a dot) move up and down the branches of the tree. In trn I use the arrow keys and it goes up, down, left, and right if I press the up, down, left, and right keys (in that order.) But here the left and right keys move it left and right and the up and down keys didn't do anything. Then I realized it wanted me to take my little pointy arrow and clicky on the little dotty. So, this is what you get if you try to make trn's little tree into a Mac program, because everyone knows Macs don't have keyboards. I think your question about turning pine into a GameBoy Color cartridge has been answered. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm done and now I've got to go post this article by clicking on the little flying envelope icon at the top. Wait, that changes it to "never send this article". Okay, then I'll try clicking the "Options..." button. It must be powerful because it has three dots which means it asks you questions when you click on it unlike a plain "Options" button would. Nope, "Options..." just asks me where my tabs were supposed to be and how many columns of your article it should let me quote before the lines get mangled (nobody ever says anything important in those eight columns on the right, right?) So, the "Post" command must be hidden in this thing at the left that says "Followup (public)" next to a little Cylon Base Star icon. But wait, that can't do anything when I click it because it doesn't say "..." as every Macintosh program is REQUIRED BY LAW to say after anything that you can do stuff with. And all it lets me do is change this from an alt.religion.kibology article to unsolicited E-mail. So I guess I can never post this article because they forgot to put in a "Post" button. I'll just have to close this window and throw this article away. Oh, closing the window tells it I want to keep it. I'll never understand easy-to-use software. -- K. (I gotta put Linux on one of the spare partitions, I could be doing this with real trn...) Why is the train honking its horn constantly, especially as there is only one track between New York and Boston? Are they telling the other trains to get out of our way by derailing? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: soc.history.science,talk.philosophy.misc,talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: home for the King of Science; AP's science tour of the USA Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 20 Oct 1999 01:13:17 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor In soc.history.science, talk.philosophy.misc, and talk.religion.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Well, today I had the thought that I now possess three homes in > a triangle distanced by thousands of kilometers apart. So I > solved my problem of having a home, I have three of them now, > but with solving one problem another problem arises. And my > current problem is that I now must live in those 3 homes. > A single person with 3 homes. That is a insight into my > character, that when I have a problem, I often go overboard on it. Arch, that *is* your problem. > Or if I like something I go too idealistic and not pragmatic. > For example the 4 bicycles, and now the 3 homes. > I do not know whether when I come back from Europe that I can > stay put in one place for more than a year. Probably not. > > And I think that Uncle Al and Kibo were correct when they said > that I need no identification card. When did I say that? When did he say that? I can't speak for the beloved Uncle Al, but all I recall saying about your ID card was that I thought you weren't even smart enough to lose it, let alone carry it. > No drivers licence or passport or even a visa. That I am the King of Science, > and just say King of Science (not flashingly or arrogantly) Oh, yeah, say "I am the King of Science!" without being arrogant. Then act like Jerry Lewis without being silly and obnoxious. > when stopped by the police or other authorities. My picture is on my > website for colloboration. I... see. So if I put up a Web page that says "I AM PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD!" it takes effect once I put a photo on it? Cool! Now I can stop all this campaigning and just put my photo on the Web to gain the ultimate power of life and death over everyone! I had no idea you could do anything that interesting with the Web! > And the King of Science needs no fingerprints, I recommend rubbing your fingers with a cheese-grater for a week. > for it was said of Newton by one of the Bernoulli greats that the lion > can be discerned by his claw-mark or words to that effect. Yes, especially because Newton went around ripping people to shreds with his sharpened toenails. SIR ISAAC NEWTON WAS JACK THE RIPPER! > Yes, I should have heeded Uncle Al and Kibo's advice when I was > surrounded by 4 Case Western Reserve police persons wanting my > ID, and just have said, "police officers, I am the King of Science" > and all would have ended well at Case. Seriously, I don't recall ever giving you advice on what to do in Cleveland, except for some blanket advice (applicable anywhere) to eat less ice cream while you act like a bozo, or to stop acting like a bozo while eating ice cream. > Perhaps I should test Uncle Al and Kibo's advice in Europe and > at the border crossing just say I am the King of Science. Sure, then you can file another imaginary lawsuit against me, or have another imaginary fistfight against me, when my imaginary advice turns out to be bad. -- K. Maybe you should flatter the guard by telling him HE is the King of Science! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Technical Errors In "The Flintstones". Url-Of-Www-Dot-Kibo-Dot-Com: http://www.kibo.com Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 3196 centons, 99 microns, 0.04 bozons Date: Wed, 20 Oct 1999 02:31:28 GMT Organization: Stately Kibo Manor I have watched two episodes of "The Flintstones" and would like to point out the following anachronisms: 1. When Barney's TV set broke, Fred suggested he check "the tubes". Everyone knows a TV set only has one big tube in it! 2. At the end of the episode, Fred put out two empty bottles for the milkman. Why didn't he just go to the supermarket? 3. And furthermore, milk doesn't come in bottles! It comes in cartons and plastic jugs! What a double super blooper! Dear Hanna-Barbera, please correct these anachronisms immediately or I will be forced to stop watching your reruns. Thank you. -- K. Also, the animation isn't the best. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Technical Errors In "The Flintstones". Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 02:39:17 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Sean Smith (smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > And furthermore, milk doesn't come in bottles! It comes in cartons > > and plastic jugs! What a double super blooper! > > I like how the bottles on "The Flintstones," instead of being made of > see-through glass, seem to be rocks or dried lava _shaped_ like bottles. > Is that, like, Dadaist or something? Or are glass bottles actually Dadaist? No, they're "Dadarock". See, that's funny! I changed part of a word to "rock"! I was really disappointed that when they made that incredibly lame live-action "Flintstones" movie (the one where John Goodman replaced the late John Belushi) they had massive McDonalds product placements but they didn't write the dialogue correctly. The whole movie should have been like this: FRED Hey, Barney, Mcturnrock on the McTVrock. It's time to Mcwatchrock "Wheel Of McFortunerock" with Pat McSarock and Vanna McRock. BARNEY Mcokayrock, Fred! Now, THAT would have been almost as funny as the original cartoons! Plus in all those scenes with the Dunkin' Donuts and Apple PowerBook product placements, they should have kept shouting "Hey! These doughnuts are made from solid rock!" and "This primitive computer runs at ONE megahertz!" and then George Jetson would say "Ooba Dooba! These two-day work weeks are killing me!" and Fred Flintstone would say "My achin' back! These twelve-day work weeks are killing me!" and then they'd meet each other for only the fourth time, and they'd go throw eggs at the house of The Roman Holidays because nobody liked them. Then we'd see Hanna and Barbera sliding across the screen and they'd go off the edge and we'd hear "YIPPEE!" and POOF! coming from offscreen and the camera would slide over to reveal that they had jumped into a huge pile of money without requiring any animation. Then they'd apologize for "Jabberjaw". > My question is, how come Fred reacts painfully when his foot has > something dropped on it, or gets near an open flame, when all those > years of driving and braking his prehistoric car must surely have > turned his feet into two giant callouses? Because the Universe was smaller back then, before it expanded, so his giant callouses are exactly the same size as normal feet. That's why you can't tell. It's also why Barney's eyes look so weird (back before the Universe expanded, pupils were too small to see) and why Dino is purple (because light wavelengths were shorter back then, making dogs look like green dinosaurs, which looked like purple dinosaurs.) Besides, the callouses are only on the _bottom_ of his feet. > > Also, the animation isn't the best. > > You mean you don't like seeing the same couch and lamp flash by three > times in succession during interior chase scenes, as if there was > absolutely nothing else in the room? I just thought that they had a whole lot of identical crappy couches and lamps (with solid rock lampshades) in their infinitely wide living room which had no perspective, which prevented anyone from trying to measure it to find out that it was in violation of the laws of physics. I would also just like to point out that I have only had Leah & Tom Verre's latest ultraviolent video game masterpiece, "Spy Fox 2", for 36 hours, so I've only once gotten to the point where they show Spy Fox running down the infinitely long perspectiveless corridor filled with dozens of the same object, because you only get to see that after you solve all the puzzles. It's apparently the reward for being very good -- you get to see the extra-bad animation. SHAME ON YOU, TOM. And, Leah, I found the bee in the balloon, but not as quickly as the one in "Blue's Clues: Blue's Birthday Adventure". I was also disappointed that the orange cone didn't have any clickpoints. There should have at LEAST been a first-grade teacher who walked over to Spy Fox to demand to know why he was clicking on orange cones instead of looking for dirty peanuts! (Leah, Tom, I'll write you a full review for you to pass on to your superiors. Or if you'd prefer I could mail it to them directly.) -- K. (Needs more clickable chimps.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Technical Errors In "The Flintstones". Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 02:16:07 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Leah Verre (leahv@humongous.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > When Barney's TV set broke, Fred suggested he check "the tubes". > > Everyone knows a TV set only has one big tube in it! > > tom and were discussing how the icon for a TV is changing. > Like before, one could draw a box with a "V" sticking out of the top > and everyone would know that it was representative of a television. > But now there are people who don't recognize this icon because they > have never had to stand behind the TV, fiddling with the rabbit ears > while someone yells "No, right there! No, back a little! No, THERE! > THERE!, no it's gone now. To the left a little. Here, try some > aluminum foil" from across the room. But look at it this way. At least you don't have to indicate that it's coming from a roll of aluminum foil and not wax paper. Remember wax paper? And remember little wax paper bags for sandwiches? I REMEMBER BEFORE THEY INVENTED PLASTIC BAGS!!! I don't care how the icon for a TV changes as long as it doesn't change to a little picture of a box connected to the Web. Today I saw WebTV's new ad campaign, which is clearly aimed squarely at bozos. It showed this family where the kid kept getting all the answers on "Jeopardy!" wrong. Then Alex Trebek looked out of the family's TV set and explained that they needed to get Junior a WebTV because on WebTV, "Jeopardy!" is _multiple_choice_, and then Alex Trebek insulted their puny brains some more. The moral is clear: WebTV is for people who think game shows are too hard. -- K. I can't wait to see what they do to "Match Game '74". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Technical Errors In "The Flintstones". X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 01:00:43 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com robert lindsay (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > Nick Bensema (nickb@io.com) wrote: > > > > I'm more curious as to where those glowing green things go after Homer > > Simpson throws them in the sewer grate. > > Down in a chute so they'll be ready for next week. Plutonium is EXPENSIVE! robert lindsay (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > The moral is clear: WebTV is for people who think game shows are too hard. > > The correlary: Game shows are for people who think WebTV is too hard. The double super anti-contrapositive corrolary: Plutonium is for people who think electric dishwashers are too expensive, and WebTV should be thrown in the sewer grate. Hey, Lowercase Robert, I think Archie's having trouble finding enough public library computers to post about microwaved eggs from. Do you think you could let him use some of the computers there at NASA? I'm sure he wouldn't hurt anything, especially if you put him at the safest console of all, the range safety officer's console. -- K. Better yet, kick Laika out and put him in a sputnik. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Names that are worse than everything. Date: Wed, 20 Oct 1999 07:04:28 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com You may recall that, two weeks ago, I was horrified to discover that my local supermarket now sells "Go-Gurt", which is "Portable Yogurt". For the past two weeks I have racked my brains trying to invent a consumer product with a more disgusting name than "Go-Gurt". At last I have done it. "BURLAX: THE WEARABLE LAXATIVE!" Works on contact with skin and pets. Do not wear swim trunks made from Burlax. Burlax is not to be taken internally or to parties. Do not attempt to recycle Burlax. To launder Burlax, it must be washed in melted butter. Burlax socks may cause unpredictable foot problems. Burlax loves you. Buy Burlax. -- K. I bet Procter & Gamble links www.burlax.com to the Olestra page. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Names that are worse than everything. X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 01:27:00 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Poot Rootbeer" (poot@dork.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > "BURLAX: THE WEARABLE LAXATIVE!" > > Works on contact with skin and pets. > > Please write a story about Spot and a doggy door made of Burlax. I won't write a story, but I will write a Very Special Moment from "The Special Show": MATT McIRVIN Hey, look everyone, it's our very special neighbor, Twirling Pup! SPOT Arf! Arf! In the olden days, they would steal from barrels by removing the staves, arrrrrf! MATT McIRVIN Twirling Pup, why are you going through your little doggy door over and over so that it scrapes all the skin off your face? SPOT Arrrrrf burlax doors! MATT McIRVIN Burlax doors! New, from the maker of Deluxe Hamster In A Cup! Are you tired of THIS? (A MAN PUTS A QUARTER INTO AN OVERSIZED GUMBALL MACHINE FILLED WITH HAMSTERS. A STYROFOAM CUP DROPS INTO A SLOT AND THEN A HAMSTER FALLS INTO IT. THE GUY PICKS UP THE CUP AND MAKES A DIGUSTED FACE. SUPERIMPOSE A LARGE RED BUZZING "X" ON HIS HEAD TO INDICATE HE DID SOMETHING DUMB.) MATT McIRVIN ...because NOW you can have THIS! (A MAN WITH TWO SEPARATE EYEBROWS, UNLIKE THE OTHER GUY, PUTS A QUARTER INTO A COOLER-LOOKING GUMBALL MACHINE FILLED WITH HAMSTERS. IT DISPENSES A CUP, DROPS A HAMSTER INTO IT, AND THEN SPRAYS THE CUP FULL OF WHIPPED CREAM AND A ROBOTIC ARM GENTLY PLACES A CHERRY ON TOP. MUFFLED HAMSTER SQUEALS CAN BE HEARD FROM UNDER THE WHIPPED CREAM. THE GUY PICKS UP THE CUP AND SMILES. SUPERIMPOSE A LARGE GREEN CHECK MARK THAT GOES "DING!" ON HIS HEAD TO MAKE HIM LOOK SMART.) SPOT I would buy that! MATT McIRVIN That's right, you would! SPOT But I've had enough of this burlax door. Arrrrf... can I get a REGULAR burlap door? MATT McIRVIN No, Spot, because then you'll never grow up to be President... of Burlax Door Land. SPOT Arf! Arf! Yippee! Burlax doors! Burlax doors! MATT McIRVIN (sipping from a cup) And try tasty new Hamster In A Cup. It's hamsteriffic! (FADE TO FLUORESCENT MAGENTA.) > > To launder Burlax, it must be washed in melted butter. > > Could you clarify that? Ghee, no. -- K. CNN Headline News is telling me that burning the end of a candle which is a foot away from the other end of the candle which is jammed into my ear canal will magically make ear wax go away but the mean ol' government says that "ear candles" DON'T WORK! Because of this we must impeach Clinton! And we must do it by sticking a giant candle into the East Wing of the White House until the candle makes him vanish! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENT Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 02:44:47 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com [discussion of primitive "Star Trek"/"Battlestar Galactica" computer games] robert lindsay (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > During on of the Deepest Pits of Hell phases of my working life, > I discovered a copy of strtrk on our VMS systems at Litton-Amecom, > a truely depressing place to work in 1986, since it had > no USENET access back then. So I played it a lot and finally won > a Emeritus level game. I then spent a lot of time trying to get > the *LOWEST* possible score, which is tricky because you want > to take damage but not die, and blow up your own starbases and stuff. Needless to say, you got the job at NASA. Hey, when are they launching the International Space Station's "Kibo" module? Can you get me a ticket to see it? -- K. And can you get me a ride on the secret military version of the Space Shuttle? The one with the laser cannon? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENT User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:33 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com [re ancient computer games and secret military space shuttles, which are really the same thing] "Eddie Hi There! Lowther" (eal34@columbia.edu) wrote: > > The only problem is the below sector-map, which I > cannot plot out because I put a pop-tart in a disk-drive. Oopsie! > > SECTOR 0-0-1 || Mps:03 || Gld:73 || Inc: Off || Shlds=45%,Phz=50%,Ph=8 > ...***.*..........X > ............... ... > ........*..(*)..... > ..(*)............ . > ................. . > .*.................. > ......[(1)]......... > .................... > ..........ERTH......... > ..........ERTH......... > ....SUN..........MOO... > > (Of course, this is from memeory, someone else has the ACTUAL > printout on a blackboard. This reminds me, I need to post the results of the "Think Like Manley Hubbell" contest. Unfortunately, I don't have them with me right now. I do have all the entries from the "Send Kibo An Orange Cone Photo He Likes" contest in this portable computer, except my batteries are pretty low right now, and as you may be able to tell from the other 100 article I've written today on this train I'm not up to writing anything entertaining. -- K. I did find a dollar earlier, though. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lesbian beetles see no weevil Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 02:56:17 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com "AFP" (C-afp@clari.net) just wire-serviced: > > Subject: Lesbian beetles see no weevil > > PARIS, Oct 20 (AFP) > Female citrus beetles engage in lesbian-style coupling I say we give Archimedes Plutonium a Nobel prize for NOT researching this. Also, is this the first time the word "lesbian-style" has been used in print? I predict that within a week we see "NEW! Lesbian-Style Burritos!" in the supermarket. > in order to make themselves more attractive to short-sighted males, Meanwhile, in a related story, Bob Hope has announced that he will marry a lesbian citrus beetle. "I like citrus!" quipped the cantankerous nonagenarian as the doctor defibrillated him. > the British weekly magazine Nature reports in Thursday's issue. > Israeli and US scientists observing sugarcane rootstalk borer > weevils, a beetle that attacks citrus trees, found that the two > sexes look so similar that males get confused -- they often end up > mounting another male by mistake. OH NO! THOSE BEETLES ARE GAY MALE LESBIANS! > Because females are slightly larger than males, the myopic male > finds that his best bet is to search for large individuals or for > mating couples, because at least one of the pair is likely to be a > female. Unless, of course, all the other beetles in the world use the same algorithm. Which they do. > A particularly strong male will then kick off the mating male > from the female's back and copulate in his turn. > This has created the habit of females mounting each other, in > the hope of attracting a hunky weevil. That was the worst Hanna-Barbera cartoon ever, "The Hunky Weevil Of 1776". > "By mounting one another, females can increase their > opportunities to mate with large males," said the researchers, Ally > Harari and Jane Brockmann of the University of Florida. I note that the reporter failed to ask the two women why they were interested in lesbian beetles. -- K. Shouldn't scientists stick to studying asexual things? I mean, you'd think scientists would have less trouble understanding them. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: dumb things I saw today User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered for 68 days) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 00:11:56 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com 1.) At a local drugstore ("local" meaning "here in Schenectady" because I'm there for a little while) there was a little sign saying that, because it was Sunday, they weren't processing one-hour photos, but they could make prints for tomorrow if we were to "dorp off" our film today. AND THAT WAS THE WORST TIM CONWAY VIDEOTAPE EVER! 2.) A bookstore was offering a series of picture books based on TV cartoons based on comic books. No, that's not THE bozotic part. The bozotic part: The 12-page, 12-sentence tale of the origins of Batman's youthful, tousled sidekick was titled "THE TRUE STORY OF ROBIN." Gawrsh! And I thought them cartoons was DRAWN BY PEOPLE! Now that I know that Robin is real, I need to see if the "E!" channel has done a movie of his life exposing all the sordid details. (if they haven't, maybe Archimedes Plutonium will.) -- K. I APOLOGIZE FOR USING A PROGRAM THAT IS GOING TO MANGLE THIS FORMATTING. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.food.sugar-cereals From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: They're still working on ruining Froot Loops! X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 23:04:46 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com robert lindsay (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote: > > > > Terri Willis (twillis@sound.net) wrote: > > > > > > Richard S. Holmes (rsholmes@rodan.syr.edu) wrote: > > > > > > > > I've been away a while, so someone will have to tell me: What happened > > > > to Terri's 11-barrel shotgun? > > > > > > I'm terribly sorry; Harlan buried all my ammo somewhere in the backyard. > > > Something about making a bunny mine field. > > > > Harlan's got the right idea. Mimes are bad enough, but bunny mimes are > > just downright silly. They're always eating invisible carrots, getting > > trapped inside invisible boxes, and hopping against the wind. Also, I > > understand they doot like crazy. > > Amazing the NASA safety films we were required to watch for a hour > had no mention of avoiding bunny mimes, although they did warn us > to stay away from speeding forklifts. For those of you just joining us, Harlan Ellison's a dog. Also, Robert Lindsay works at NASA, except for the two capital letters of his name that work at nasa, and nobody likes mimes. Mr. Lowercase Lindsay, just out of curiosity, why does NASA still insist on covering up those old Beta videocassettes that show the crew of Apollo 13 shouting "HOUSTON! WE'RE SURROUNDED BY KILLER FORKLIFTS, BUNNY MIMES, AND HARLAN ELLISON'S CRAZY DOOTS!"? I will stop sending in pledge money to PBS, which operates NASA, until you explain to me WHY NO VIDEOTAPES EXIST OF ASTRONAUTS FIGHTING FORKLIFTS IN OUTER SPACE! -- K. It doesn't count if they're just fighting forklifts in their pajamas. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.mike-jittlov,alt.fan.tom-servo From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Officer Don vs Newman User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:25 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology Captain Infinity (Infinity@world.com) wrote: > > In alt.tv.3rd-rock, Bradley Whitmarsh wrote: > > > > Captain Infinity (Cool name, BTW) > > Thanks. TAKE *THAT*, SIMON CLARK, YOU BIG MEANIE! Hey, look, Cap'n, someone likes your name, Cap'n! Cap'n Cap'n Cap'n! > > wrote: > > > WINNER: OFFICER DON > > > > Cool post! I enjoyed that. Although, I noticed that it was > > cross-posted to several other newsgroups. Does anyone know what > > kibology or Tom Servo are? :-) Inspiring minds want to know. :-) > > Kibology is what you get inside your skull when you mix silly putty with > the white paste from third grade art class, and then snort it up your > nose, where it dances happily with your cerebellum and makes the world > appear all sparkly like the dust from Mike Jittlov's fingertips. Except for the Toys R Us Barbie aisle. It just makes the Barbie aisle look even pinker. I mean it makes it look pinker in a WORSE way. > Tom Servo is a little bit like that, except there's a few boogers up your > nose which turns the mix bilious grellow, making it sting like honeybees > that have had too much tequila.<--this is not a bad thing, just different. > > HTH! HAND! > > ** > Captain Infinity I am trying to figure out where the other end of your two-asterisk footnote is. But I can't find the other end. I think your two asterisks aren't really doing much of anything. Hey, I know what they are. They're a picture of Barry Shein without his glasses, right? -- K. I would assume asterisks are held together with Torx screws. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Last HallowE'en' of the Century! User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:31 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Beable van Polasm (beable@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Darla (darla4695@sprynet.com) wrote: > > > > ...and it's the end of civilization as we know it. > > > > From CNN: > > > > "...And, little boys take note, Monster Mouth Candy Tongues will > > gross out the whole neighborhood. This crossover toy/candy is a > > toothy plastic monster mouth with a retractable tongue-shaped > > lollipop. It's 'a toy they can play with after the candy's gone,' > > says Pratt at The Candy Warehouse." > > > > Say. Didn't Jar Jar start this?! Well, those candies had been around for a few years before the Jar Jar one showed up six months ago. You may recall I may have written one or two short articles on the subject, especially that twenty-seventh one which spent 600 lines describing in graphical detail what they did to the bottom half of me in the hospital afterwards. (I was going to describe in REGULAR detail, but I figured I should describe it in graphical detail so you could see what the words were shaped like. I think they had serifs.) > It's good to see that CNN is still doing the cutting-edge > hard-hitting news stories of vital interest to world > affairs. I wonder what CRAP BBC World News is showing? No, the Jar Jar Monster Mouth Candy Tongue Pop *prevents* crap. For several days. Of course, not even Krakatoa could hold it in longer than that. I think it might be safe to try to use that bathroom again now, maybe I'll take down the barricade tape. > Probably some STUPID WAR somewhere that America is NOT > EVEN INVOLVED IN, or some STUPID PEOPLE somewhere in > some STUPID COUNTRY that DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HALLOWEEN! Because The Halloween Grinch stole it! And remember, Hallmark made up Valentine's Day but the Jar Jar Monster Mouth Candy Tongue people made up Halloween. Or maybe it was made up by a cabal of gastroenterologists. > Oh yeah. And just in case that Millenium Loony Chris > Franks is reading this and shouting about the last > Halloween of the Century, I would like to point out > that it is also The Last Halloween Of The Millenium! Yeah, but so are all the others. Such as 964 to 1963. -- K. The train has now been sitting in Albany for about 90 minutes and this laptop computer is way too hot where it touches my special area! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.warlord From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Oh thank god... User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:37 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In rec.sport.pro-wrestling and alt.religion.kibology, Tehawk (tehawk@att.net) wrote: > > "Poot Rootbeer" (poot@dork.com) wrote: > > > > [stuff] > > Shows where your mind was at, but why was this crossposted to > alt.religion.kibology? What is kibology? > > Tehawk ©1999 > RSPWECW Softcore Champion > The Franchise of RSPW > ICQ #4610826 > > Community Leader and Founder of Starbase 7 > Located at The Globe > > http://members.theglobe.com/tehawk/ > http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/4693/ > http://www.fortunecity.com/tattooine/lucas/209/index.html > http://members.xoom.com/Tehawk > > Heaven Doesn't Want Me And Hell's Afraid I'll Take Over. I just realized my 1000-line .signature doesn't have a single URL in it because I wrote it before anyone knew what the Web was except for a few people living in Switzerland and even they had to access it through these primitive mechanical computers that had little spoons and lemon zesters you could unfold from the disk drive slots. So, for the first time since 1992, I suddenly feel the need to revise my super-huge Big Ugly Sexy .Signature to show these young whippersnappers a thing or two about how to write a proper huge .sig. -- K. Also I need to throw in a few non-ASCII characters like "©" or those ones that make your terminal switch into the font used only for printing Pac-Man mazes. P.S. I know, I forgot to answer the question "What is Kibology?" In 1991. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Shooting themselves in the foot User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:42 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Mr. Hole" (holefamily1@webtv.net) wrote: > > I received my membership card in the mail today from "The Pennsylvania > Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals" I found something > slightly inappropriate printed on the back. Here`s what it says: > > Extract from Society`s Charter > ====================== > Laws of Pennsylvania > > TO POLICE OFFICERS > Sec. 4- The police force of the City of Philadelphia, as well as of all > other places in the State of Pennsylvania where police organizations > exist, shall as occasion may require, assist the Society, its members or > agents, in the enforcement of all laws which are now or may hereafter be > enacted for the protection of dumb animals. > --------------------------------- > > Dumb Animals? I know my dog isn`t going to cure cancer or anything, but > they don`t have to call him dumb! Dear Mr. Family, I like how several people have now pointed out to you that you must be a bozo because EVERYONE knows that "dumb" means "mute" but nobody but me is WRITING THEIR CONGRESSMAN BECAUSE I KNOW THAT TALKING ANIMALS NEED JUST AS MUCH PROTECTION AS THE REGULAR KIND THAT CAN'T FINK ON YOU TO THE FBI! Whoops, I said "FBI" on the Internet. Is that illegal? I hope it isn't because my cat says it all the time. -- K. "The cafŽ seating area is not for permanent seating." -- Amtrak telling me I shouldn't order cable television service and I may eventually have to get off the train. Especially if it ever arrives somewhere. The Lake Shore Limited is a DUMB train, despite the fact that it just told me not to use the cafŽ car permanently. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Need review!! User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:16:59 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > Heidel's Rule of Internet metalaws: > All commonly accepted laws of Usenet logic are rendered humorless by > self-reference. > -- dheidel@u.washington.edu Kibo's Law of Humorlessness: This isn't funny. -- kibo@world.std.com > [...] > > All we need is a new Lee Bumgarner! Isn't that supposed to happen after the angels open the seventh vial and the four horsemen (Pokemon, WebTV, Y2K, and Bob Hope) rain death, destruction, and general deleteriousness on the Earth? -- K. I have the only seat on the train that doesn't have a window so I can't see 250 miles of dead trees whizzing past in a very slow blur. I demand a partial refund, my ticket didn't say "OCCLUDED UNINTERESTING VIEW." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Need review!! User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:05 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "ZnU" (znu@znu.dhs.org) wrote: > > Leah Verre (leahv@humongous.com) wrote: > > > > Kibo, > > Please post your review of the revealing, truthful and fabulously > > gospel-ridden movie "The Omega Code". > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > > Of course, IWPTA "The Orange Cone". [THX logo that goes "drip, drip" for five minutes] a movie by James "Kibo" Parry [the camera zooms into the dot on the "i" and then it explodes. The camera, that is.] THE ORANGE CONE EPISODE ONE -- THE INCREDIBLY AWESOME MENACE [an army of evil Nazis carrying flags with the word "NAZI" printed on them in block letters, instead of swastikas, is marching towards the American/Canadian border from the north as they prepare to invade the United States.] NAZIS: We are the Nazis, la-la-la, we are the Nazis... HITLER (bad French accent): Zees eez zee bordair, no? NAZI GUY: Oui! HITLER: Zen wee weel cross zee bordair, yes? NAZI GUY: Oui! HITLER: Mon dieu! Mira mira mira! It ees an or-onj cone! NAZI GUY: Sacre blow! [They turn and run away. Roll closing credits.] -- K. I wanted to add an opening sequence where an animated map showed the progress of the invaders, but I couldn't afford to hire Jim Fisk to draw the squiggle. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Mr. Blackwell sez... User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:11 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > [SWOOSH! Super New NASA Brand Left-Handed-Skyhook-Propelled Kontext-Away swoops down and scalps Dean's article, spits out the seeds, and leaves only the nougaty goodness at the center!] > I almost lost something myself tonight. Urp! Maybe you wouldn't still be a virgin if you'd stop burping after not having sex. [WOMP WOMP! NASA Kontext-Away is launched towards Mars, meaning that we will never hear from it again!] -- K. Actually, some NASA employees do get to have sex. Or at least they did back when we had Skylab. NOW WE KNOW THE REAL REASON THEY'RE BUILDING A NEW SPACE STATION! ONE ROLL IN THE FLOATING HAY ISN'T ENOUGH! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: proof that you are all vegetarians User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:17 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Clement Cherlin (ccherlin@pacbell.net) wrote: > > "Mr Knowitall" (mrknowitall@geocities.com) wrote: > > > > You are what you eat? If you break it down to basic elements, yes. > > Mmm... decompressed monoblock. I think Taco Bell uses JPEG to compress their Animal 57s instead of a lossless format like PGP or IKEA. -- K. Which elements aren't basic? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The Masons and Zionists are at it again! (and Jean Micheal Jarre is User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:26 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com [re a highway sign] "Dag ]gren FYSI" (dagren@news.abo.fi) wrote: > [ZOWIE! Super Kontext-Away crushes context until it turns into a professionally-cut diamond, then hands it to its platonic friend Lois Lane!] > A friend of mine saw one of those signs once when was visiting the US. [KA-POK! New And Improved Duper Deluxe Pro Junior Kontext-Away returns to its plastic tray and stores itself neatly in your silverware drawer, after accidentally destroying your silverware!] Dear Dag, Please stop trying to pretend you're friends with Archimedes Plutonium. While it is true that he recently told us he saw a bridge, he has not yet announced that he has seen any signs while travelling around the United States. It would be more beleivible if you'd wait for him to notice one of the "NO BOZOS ALOUD" signs before you try to become his new best friend now that me'n'him no longer like each other much. Also, "when was" is two words which don't stick together, so please learn to speak better American like "me'n'him" and "beleivible". -- K. Also, how do I say in Finnish, "How do I say in Finnish?" P.S. I introduce mistakes into certain articles solely so we can have a higher degree of heteroskedasticity because alt.religion.kibology already has too much of the GAY kind of skedasticity. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The Masons and Zionists are at it again! (and Jean Micheal Jarre is in on it!) User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:22 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com [re weird conspiracies about Masons building Jewish pyramids in Egypt, or something] Sean Curtin (masscurt@berkshire.net) wrote: > > Reverend Sean O'Hara (oharava@rcn.com) wrote: > > > > Well, the other day, I was going to the grocery > > store when I noticed a sign for the programme, identifying the street > > next to my house as being adopted by "The Order of Molay". > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > > IWPTA "The Oil of Olay". One's a spicy chocolate sauce. The other's a placebo! Together, they're a wacky crime-fighting age-defying Mexican taste treat! I know what the real ingredients of molŽ are (chile pepper, bread crumbs, oil, more chile pepper, Hershey's syrup) but I wonder what Oil of Olay really is. I bet it's really JUST SOME SORT OF OIL! -- K. My money's on it being goat ghee. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Adult bookstores are... User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:29 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Lots42" (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > ADULT BOOKSTORES ARE FILLED WITH INVISIBLE POSION GAS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Dude, I don't care how many new ad campaigns you think up for your Blockbuster store, I'm still not going there until you apologize for not carrying Terry Gilliam movies except for the bad ones. David DeLaney (dbd@panacea.phys.utk.edu) wrote: > > "Lots42" (lots42@aol.com) wrote: > > > > ADULT BOOKSTORES ARE FILLED WITH INVISIBLE POSION GAS! > > Yeah! It makes you pos! And then ionizes you! So you stand there, > sparking Vogueishly! This is the word Tom Swift porno novel ever. -- K. ...he said frigidly, as he took off his clothes aboard Tom Swift's flying refrigerator. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Chris Hillman Boy Genius! User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:40 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com [thanks to Simon Clark for finding this quotable quote] In sci.physics, Aleksandr Timofeev (twa@alpha.dnttm.rssi.ru) wrote: > > The mathematicians nothing understand in a physics. PAW, YAKOV SMIRNOFF DONE GOT INTO THE PLUTONIUM AY-GAIN! -- K. Russia has E-mail addresses with three dots in them now? They must've gotten themselves a second computer! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: All New! All Animals! All The Time! User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:43 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Simon Clark (clarksj@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Darla (darla4695@sprynet.com) wrote: > > > > Reilly's new and expanded site, now with More Dogz and some Catz too! > > And don't forget the rotating deceased HAMSTER!!! Excuse me, I think you put an extra "a" in the middle of that sentence. Maybe you can sell it off with that extra "b" you'll have when you hold your next garbage sale. > PS I'M STILL DISSING W.C. HANDY!!! <--- ME STILL DISSING W.C. HANDY!!! > > PPS HANDY W.C. HAW HAW!!! A KOMEDY SCETKH WRITTEN BY W.C. HANDY OLD GUY WITH BIG HAT AND RED NOSE (driving a car in front of a rear-projected image) Ah yes! The very thang! CAT PUPPET Meow! OLD GUY Toonces! Here, take the wheel while I take a li'l nip! CAT PUPPET Meow! OLD GUY Toonces! Look out! YAAAAAAAAAAGHBURP! NARRATOR So you see, wood shop prepares today's modern boys for tomorrow's world of today! -- K. I think that last line may have pushed this past the McIrvin Limit of today. It's the McIrvin Limit of Tomorrow! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Here we go again... User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:48 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > http://www.seattletimes.com/news/lifestyles/html98/diet_19991020.html Excuse me, you misspelled http:////www.seattleletimeseattle/news/non-news/life/styles/html98/non-html/not-1998/diet_19991020_this_date_is_Y20000000_compliant/html37Celsius/date_19991020_this_diet_is_Y2K_compliant_if_you_confuse_calories_with_celsius_and_celery_with_cesium.html/html/.html.//.html.gif > "The story of dieting in America reflects something about our national > character. Inside every sucker is an optimist, a person who believes in > redemption. Maybe eating nothing but tropical fruit for five days will > start you on the road to bikini-land! We believe in reinvention and self- > determination. All it takes is willpower. Right? " > > I hate this sort of 'journalism'. You think you hate it? I'm sitting in a train that's sitting in Albany and it's going to be sitting in Albany for another hour and they're not even going to give me a lousy TV dinner on this trip and there's no glossy Amtrak magazine or Amtrak Lake Shore Extremely Limited route guide and all I have here to read is YOU PEOPLE! But I wouldn't trade you people for anything. I love it when you hate anything that isn't me. Unless I'm doing that sort of journalism right now. Which I think I might be doing because I have time to kill. It's the hip new diet that's hot in all the heppest of the hopping social circles! Out with the old, in with the black pepper cheesecake diet! But could this ever possibly work? It seems like it doesn't, and all the evidence agrees, but it still works anyway! Or so the "conventional" "wisdom" goes. Which is hardly even "conventional" or "wisdom", if you pardon my "French". But that doesn't matter to Mr. and Mrs. America! We're dumb and we love diets, especially ones that taste so good they can't be good for us! But is it possible to be too healthy? Many magazine writers would agree! We'll tell you what they agreed on, right after this! Whoops, sorry, I turned into the Ten O'Clock News at the end there. You know, that hour-long newscast which contains less news than the half-hour newscast which follows it on a different channel which has actual money. HEY SOME TV CHANNELS HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY! SOMEONE SHOULD DO A NEWS STORY ABOUT THAT! I SENSE A "TV GUIDE" REPORTER RACING TOWARDS HIS IBM SELECTRIC! -- K. "Selectric" is one of those silly made-up words like Amtrak's new "Acela" service. "Acela"'s a goofy made-up name and Amtrak's never had one of those before. P.S. While I was typing the above, someone whacked my computer with her roller skates. And they were that weird new kind where the wheels are in pairs at the front and back, not in a row. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Here we go again... User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:53 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > > > I hate this sort of 'journalism'. > > At least she actually read some of those quack diet books and described > them before getting into the really serious editorial thumb-sucking. That's the cool new diet! You don't get many calories but you do get to experience the taste of meat! Unless your thumb has nail polish all over it. In which case it's more like hard candy. > But, yeah, it's annoying. No, I said it was more like hard candy. Pay attention! > Of course, some of my posts to Usenet strongly resemble these superficial > deep-think pieces in newspapers, but at least I don't get paid for it and > nobody thinks I'm some sort of authority. I think you are the New Jersey Turnpike Authority. > OR DO THEY???? I get a lot of e-mail from people who think that I'm an > academic expert on the writings of Stanislaw Lem, because I put up a > fan-boy web page about him. I occasionally hear from working physicists > who think that I actually know something about general relativity beyond > the introductory graduate course I took (in which I once got an A for an > incorrect proof of a theorem I had misunderstood), because I blabber about > black holes a lot in the sci.physics hierarchy. > > I am terrified by my cultural resonance! I am deeply chastened and have > decided to quit Usenet forever, again! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hello again! Boy, that forever was even longer than the other one! Dear Matt McIrvin, That was the best self-parody you've ever written... ...as Lee Bumgarner. THERE WAS WHITESPACE ABOVE! -- K. AND AN ESPRESSO BAR BELOW! I think it's the one Davy Crockett killed in that tree. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Here we go again... User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:17:56 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I am terrified by my cultural resonance! I am deeply chastened and have > > decided to quit Usenet forever, again! > > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural > resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural > resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > cultural resonance! c u l t u r a l r e s o n a n c e! c u > l t u r a l r e s o n a n c e ! c u l t u > r a l r e s o n a n c e ! c u > l t u r a l r e s o n a n c > e ! ccuullttuurraall rreessoonnaannccee!! > cccuuullltttuuurrraaalll rrreeesssooonnnaaannnccceee!!!! > ccccuuuuullllttttuuuuurrrraaaallll rrrreeeessssoooonnnncccceeee!!!! > > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > > cultur** reson*nce* ecc lturaa** res*n**ea! clle !!ecnanoser **rutlu* > > !ecnanoser larutluc !ecnanoser larutluc !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance! > !ecnanoser larutluc !ecnanoser larutluc !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! cultural resonance! cultural resonance!!ecnanoser > larutlucultural resonance!ecnanoser larutlultural resonancnanoser > larutltural resonoser larural reser lal rr c > cc > culttluc > culturaarutluc > cultural rr larutluc > cultural resooser larutluc > cultural resonannanoser larutluc > cultural resonance!!ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance!!ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance!!ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance!!ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance!!ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance! !ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonance!!ecnanoser larutluc > cultural resonannanoser larutluc > cultural resooser larutluc > cultural rr larutluc > culturaarutluc > culttluc > cc > * > * > ' > ' > . > > . > > > > . > > > > > Chomsky. Dear Chomsky, Please stop mailing Philip Glass scores to Helen Keller. Did your pal Tennessee put you up to this, or was it Mr. Whoopee? HA! I WENT FROM HELEN KELLER TO DON ADAMS BY WAY OF YOUR WACKY ZIGZAG! -- K. Why don't comedians do Helen Keller jokes any more? Did they suddenly become not tasteless? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Semantics STILL sux! User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:18:00 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Nick Bensema (nickb@io.com) wrote: > > Actually if I had a roommate, I would enforce proper pronunciation > of Kibo at all times, with probably greater seriousness than payment > of their half of the rent. > > THAT is why I don't have a roommate. And THAT is why I'm going to stop making fun of your inflatable chair behind your back now, Nick. Which one did you have again, the South Park one or the Blue's Clues one? > I have met two female Kibologists, and neither of them seemed to have > any desire to pronounce Kibo the way he does. I pronounce the three of you married. IT'S A WACKY SITCOM WHEN THE Y2K BUG CAUSES A GUY GETS MARRIED TO TWO WOMEN WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE CERTAIN WORDS! WATCH "ME, HER, HER TOO, PLUS A CHIMP WITH GRANDPA" TONIGHT ON FOX! > Furthermore, I have talked to Kibo on the phone but, having never said > his name aloud before, I was afraid to use it EVEN THOUGH I KNEW EXATLY > HOW IT WAS PRONOUNCED. It was because I had NEVER SAID IT BEFORE. ...and THAT is why you don't have a roommate. > But you and Stacia in your little dysfunctional household you have there, > you can call him Gobo the Lord of Kobol for all I care. Ah, yes, Kobol, the ancient computer language used for all the computer displays in "Battlestar Galactica" (equipment courtesy Tektronix, whose old logo wasn't nearly as coos as the old Plessy-Ferguson logo.) I do not speak Kobol, for I am of Cylon heritage, but I wrote the following BASIC program today, and it already passed the Turing test: 10 REM THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL 20 FOR X = 1 TO 100000000000 STEP 0.0000000001 30 INPUT A$ 40 PRINT "SO WHAT?" 50 INPUT A$ 60 PRINT "NOBODY CARES!" 70 NEXT X I was going to translate it into Perl, but then I'd have to buy it braces. -- K. I just tried to go outside to investigate the rumors of a derailment that didn't happen. Can you tell this train is boring? (We've been sitting in Albany with no power for about 45 minutes so far while they try to figure out how to click the train cars together to make them stick.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.fan.beable,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Handy Hint User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:18:04 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Beable van Polasm (beable@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Are you always getting flat tyres and not noticing > until it's too late? Well that problem is a THING > OF THE PAST! Our scientists at Beable Labs have > THE SOLUTION! > > Always fill your tyres with deadly poisonous nerve gas. > That way, if you get a puncture or a leak, you will > quickly be able to tell because of all the dead people > lying around your leaky tyre! > > I hope that helps! > > cheers > beable van polasm > President > Beable Industries > Remember: Beable Industries! For ALL your Nerve Gas Needs! Not ALL of them. For instance, you don't have that soft and cushy kind made from sponge rubber. You know... Nerf Gas. OH NO! I JUST OPENED THE OBVIOUS BAG AND IT WAS FILLED WITH NERVE GAS! THE GAS MADE OF NERVES! It looks sort of like a spiderweb with glowing dots walking around on it. Or is that the Internet? I forget. I just wish this train would start moving again so I could go to the bathroom without flushing the toilet on all those tourists standing around watching the two trains not docking. -- K. DO NOT OPEN NERVE GAS CANISTER WHEN TRAIN IS STANDING AT THE STATION. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Decent webcams User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered) X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:18:09 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "R#PtR" (peter_willard@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Etienne Rouette (erouette@infonet.ca) wrote: > > > > Dag ]gren FYSI a Žcrit: > > > > > > Simon Clark (clarksj@my-deja.com) wrote: > > > > > > > > Click the link in my .sig, and look near the top of > > > > the page. > > > > > > YM Use your "mouse" to "click" on the "link" in my ".sig". > > > > > > Oh hell. Here comes another really annoying meme. > > > > It's annoying because you have to use the shift key a lot > > to write this: > > "mouse" to "click" on the "link" in my ".sig". > > > > Unless you start cutting and pasting, but that would be > > "cheating". > > Use your "mouse" to "click" on the "link" and don't "cheat" with > "keyboard" "shortcuts" when you "browse" the "internet" About ten minutes ago, I was just thinking that almost nobody has a .signature on alt.religion.kibology any more (except for Stacia and all the NASA people.) My early-1990s Huge Enormous Freakin' Long Evil .Sig (which broke Mike Jittlov's last three computers) has worked quite well to destroy all the brain cells the human race could ever use to think up new .sigs, so they're dying out (the .sigs, not the human race.) But now... HERE COMES A MEME. Hey! I like that meme -- "HERE COMES A MEME!" Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go dress up like a judge and yell "HERE COMES SAMMY DAVIS, JUNIOR!" and then the late Lucille Ball will have to dress up as Angela Lansbury and yell "HERE COMES A MAME!" and then I'll read through the list of 1,000 video games on Angela Lansbury's resume and write wacky riffs on each of their names and it'll get posted on The Official Mame Home Page and then I'll start getting bizarro mail from people who were born after Ronald Reagan's first term. You know, like this: -> Subject: This site sucks..... -> -> It is like some of your reviews of MAME games. Ê ASO,'99:last -> war..?? Ê ÊYou don't need the publicity so you ain't getting it -> !!! Ê goodbye Dave (continued below) Ê P.S. Try paying for -> theseÊgames and trying to beat hi-scores. My personal challenge -> to you is to get over 1,000,000 on 99: last war.Ê It is -> possible. just try it and then say it is useless. I have other -> challenges for you but you won't be up to them.. You only play -> the games for free and have had no practice during the 80's/90's.. -> You have no sense of value with these games asÊyou nowÊplay them -> for free. Please see my meaning and e-mail me. I will try to set -> you an easy challenge if you at least read what I say here. -> Agreed ?? Ê Ê Take care and good luck, Dave ...only without any line breaks. Damn, now I'm going to have to go to a different 14-year-old for all my publicity needs! -- K. I love it when I get a message which boils down to "I ARE FLAMING YOU. WUV!" ^ | P.S. HERE COMES A MEME! ---------------------------/ ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Quote of the day X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:23:25 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Think you're missing something? You're not, if you have me around!" Who said that? (A) Trend Forecaster Barbie(tm) (B) Computer-generated Bullwinkle talking to live-action Robert DeNiro (C) A talking roll of toilet paper that addressed me as "Conscientious Consumer" The correct answer is... (C). I made up (A) and (B). Obviously there is no such doll as Trend Forecaster Barbie, because who would be stupid enough to buy that? And I mean, it's ridiculous to think that anyone would believe that they would ruin "Rock & Bullwinkle" by putting Robert DeNiro in it without even computer-generating him. But (C) just went past on my TV. It was a roll of toilet paper with a female voice, and it read me its manifesto as it unrolled throughout a very large (and linear) home all by itself. (It's the toilet paper that's as smart as a toddler because it can unroll itself all over your floor!) -- K. I mean, come on, the idea that someone would do a COMPUTER-ANIMATED Bullwinkle is silly. Because there are no computers powerful enough to display a talking moose! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: What good is it... X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:41:33 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com What good is it if your offline newsreader lets you make a whole bunch of replies and then pretends you made them all simultaneously just to confuse everyone? ______________________________________________ \ | v James "Kibo" Parry Re: Officer Don vs Newman 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Last HallowE'en' of the Century! 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Oh thank god... 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Shooting themselves in the foot 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: I R USING INTERNET???/? 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: I R USING INTERNET???/? 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Need review!! 10/26/99 8:16 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Need review!! 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Mr. Blackwell sez... 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: proof that you are all vegetarians 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: The Masons and Zionists are at it 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: The Masons and Zionists are at it 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Adult bookstores are... 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENT 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Chris Hillman Boy Genius! 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: All New! All Animals! All The Time! 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Here we go again... 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Here we go again... 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Here we go again... 10/26/99 8:17 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Semantics STILL sux! 10/26/99 8:18 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Handy Hint 10/26/99 8:18 PM James "Kibo" Parry Re: Decent webcams 10/26/99 8:18 PM DON'T BE FOOLED! I can't really write quite that fast! Not without using lots of dirty words, anyway. So, I apologize if now you can't tell which articles were posted before which other articles because all dates were rounded off, then truncated, then thrown away and replaced with "8:16 to 8:18 PM". I mean, there was a STORY ARC in the articles I wrote on the train! (The order shown above is the order they're SUPPOSED to go in. My computer sent them out in the correct order, and so my news server received them in the correct order, but by the time they get to you they'll be in random order and it'll just look like I was travelling back and forth in time, and trust me, Amtrak trains do NOT make up lost time.) So, in truth, I posted those between 11:45 AM and 3:45 PM even though it's lying. -- K. And people wonder why I let it put in that header that says "Hey! Kibo hasn't registered this program he'll hopefully never use again!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.politics.jaffo,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The Politics of Cheese X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1999 00:54:22 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com [a tale from a six-dollar buffet] Michael "Jaffo" Duff (jaffo@jaffo.com) wrote: > > Okay, so I'm at this Mexican buffet... > > I get my plate and as I'm standing up from the table, I notice an apologetic > little card under the glass. It says, "Due to excessive waste of cheese, this > item has been removed from our buffet." Well, how did you see the card if they removed it from your buffet? Oh, you mean they removed the thing that DIDN'T HAVE CHEESE from the buffet! That's just wrong. Everything should be covered with heaping globs of NO CHEESE. Cheese is evil. Cheese is bad. Cheese is just plain wrong. VOTE FOR KIBO IN 2000 BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE CHEESE AND NEITHER DO YOU. -- K. I'm wondering what this item was that caused people to put lots of cheese on it, unlike any other items in cheap pseudo-Mexicali food.