Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Research on SETI and dreams
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 07:09:03 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
In alt.dreams.toltec, "carolyn groth" (collegeofdreams@ozemail.com.au) wrote:
>
> This message was originally posted with the WRONG date so if you missed
> it please read !!!
Oh no! I already read this message next month! Now I have to
reconfigure my whole time machine just for this article!
> If you have had a dream of extra terrestrials or of non earthly
> places or phenomena then our research team would like
> to hear about your dream, AND its effect on you. You can email us
> at research@collegeofdreams.com.au or visit our website
> www.collegeofdreams.com.au
Eww. Now grad students are giving anal probes.
-- K.
This sentence was originally
posted by the WRONG person
so if you're reading it now, don't!
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: I love misdirected mail
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 04:09:20 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
This file showed up in my E-mail, completely unsolicited:
> ************************************************************************
> NOTICE - This message contains privileged and confidential information
> intended only for the use of the addressee named above. If you are not
> the intended recipient of this message, you are hereby notified that
> you must not disseminate, copy or take any action in reliance on it.
> If you have received this message in error, please notify Discovery Health,
> immediately.
>
> Any views expressed in this message are those of the individual sender,
> except where the sender specifically states them to be the view of the
> Discovery Health Ltd.
> ************************************************************************
DEAR RANDOM PERSON,
HI, I ARE SENDING YOU SOME PRIVATE E-MAIL, BUT FIRST I AM ADDRESSING IT
TO SOMEONE ELSE.
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, IF YOU ARE READING THIS MESSAGE,
PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS MESSAGE.
THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE AIDS:
JOHN SMITH
JON DOE
MAGIC JOHNSON
CALISTA FLOCKHART
I. P. FREELY
BOB HOPE
BOB HOPE'S GOLDFISH
SSH!
THE END.
-- K.
The really funny part is that
it was attached to pornography
that someone at Discovery Health
was trying to E-mail to a list
of all their friends. Of course,
if they can't figure out what their
friends' E-mail addresses are,
it's a cinch that they can't
figure out how not to keep
"THIS IS AN OFFICIAL DISCOVERY
HEALTH" document off their porn.
And the most bozotic porn ad
I received in today's pile'o'spam:
> Specially for You, we have
> extracted an unique collection
> of top class Croatian private
> amateur porno movies, which is,
> you must agree a very rare
> and exotic product.
>
> [...]
>
> And not to mention that there
> is no any Croatian porno movies
> at Internet at all!
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Have some happy happy happy spam!
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 04:51:42 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Some highlights of E-mail spams that recently made it through Layer 1 of
my spam filters but not Layer 2.
> Have you ever worried or wondered what a child can access on the Internet?
Yeah, like, do the kids ever get stupid spams?
> I have emailed you because after I reviewed your site I have found the design
> outstanding. My name is Lisa and I am the webmaser of See OneSex.com I
> have went to your site myself and reviewed it for a link that I would like to > place
> in my search engine to your site
Given that they sent this to a made-up E-mail address at my domain, I doubt
they could even FIND my site with both hands and a flashlight. I'm also
a little worried about the radiation from this "webmaser".
> Do you or someone you know have a Family Reunion coming up? Kuppler Graphics > would like to
> provide you with some great looking T Shirts for your Reunion.
There is a fine line between a family reunion and a religious cult.
It's whether they're all wearing the same shirt.
> Sewing Discounters of America is an authorized sewing machine dealer
> in the South Florida area.
Sew freakin' what?
> UNSOLD ORDERS OF SEW & SERGE SEWING MACHINES!
I think Citra and Mountain Dew make better sewing machines than Surge.
> We're searching for only 10 elite individuals with the work thic
> necessary to generate a cash-flow for themselves of $2,000 - 5,000
> per week,
"We're searching for people who are so thic they will fall for this scam."
> WHAT THE OTHERS SAY IS TRUE!
>
> Parts are available at "The TV HUT" or any electronics store.
I would hope so. I mean, most electronic stores sell SOME sort of parts.
> Thank
> You
>
>
>
>
> ?|
> |?
This Othello game's off to a slow start.
> Hi Julia!
Hi, Einstein!
> From: BigSecrets@aol.com
> To: undisclosed-recipients:;
> Subject: New Carl Sagan biography
> Date: Thu, 14 Oct 1999 14:09:28 EDT
>
> [Unable to display image]Now in stores!
> "Carl Sagan: A Life in the Cosmos" is the story of a great American dreamer—a
> nerdy kid from Brooklyn obsessed with the idea of life on other worlds. Sagan
> grew up to become the most visible proponent of “exobiology,” the would-be
> study of alien life. To the public, the subject had an appeal scarcely
> equaled by any other scientific issue. That appeal, combined with Sagan's
> personal charisma, made him the best-known scientist of the media age.
AUGH! NOT ONLY HAS WILLIAM POUNDSTONE TURNED INTO A SPAMMER, BUT HE
CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO PASTE IMAGES INTO HIS E-MAIL! (Thank God!)
I used to respect Mr. Poundstone (author of the "Big Secrets" books and
a few volumes on mathematics, and generally a person interested in the
writing about the same esoterica I'm interested in reading about) but
now I'm starting to wonder if his sister Paula is the brainy one.
(Yes, it's him. See his Web page at http://users.aol.com/bigsecrets .)
> You can invite your friends to your Virtual Reality 3D Home.
I'd like to invite you to kiss my virtual ass.
> Hi
>
> I am in RI and I am looking for a Volvo transmission and/or a
> whole Volvo 4cyl.
>
> The transmission is for a 1981 6cyl Volvo sedan. Looking for
> other parts too.
>
> If you have, pls email me
Let me get this straight -- he knows how to rebuild a Volvo
transmission, but he can't figure out that there are better ways
to find 20-year-old junked cars in Rhode Island than by spamming
the entire world?
Fortunately, I do have a 1981 Volvo transmission here, but
I can't figure out how to E-mail it like he wants.
> Thank you for your Posting and feel
> free to post again. In addition to Free For All Links,
> Classifieds and Search Engine Listings, here is something
> else we can offer you:
>
> WORK AT HOME OPPORTUNITIES
I like the spams that start with non-sequiturs that the spammers
seem to think we'll believe are an excuse to spam us.
You know, like
"Dear Kirstie: I enjoyed my date with you last night.
Buy wholesale cow manure at low prices!"
> I am sending you this mail to ask for your help.
> I am sick of having to pay for my connection to the net,
> and would be grateful of any money you could send me to help
> with the cost. If you wish to help me, please contact me at :-
>
> dwleeper@cari.net
I'm supposed to contact you at half a smiley? What?
You know, maybe you wouldn't have to pay so much for Internet
access if you weren't sending out spam to to 10,000,000 people.
And what sort of bozo can buy a computer and can't afford
$10 per month for Internet access?
> That's right! You can now charge Star Wars merchandise to your
> phone by using eCharge!
That's better than charging it to _me_ because I have one of those
new phones that pays its own bills from income it makes at its
night job as a payphone. (Okay, so I'm pimpin' my phone. But it
brings in the quarters.)
> Sandstorm Productions is the only authorized eCharge reseller
> of Star War merchandise approved by AT&T.
Do they also have wireless Internet access approved by George Lucas?
I'm getting tired of having to pay Gene Roddenberry when I use
my cell phone.
> Hello!
> What is your age/sex/location please?
>
> Cya,
>
> Gus
I am trying to divide age by sex and location but I don't
know if sexual division is left- or right-associative.
Also, I know how to convert my location to numeric coordinates
but I don't know what the number is for "STUDLY".
> FINALLY THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DIRECT MAIL
> PROGRAM IN THE USA FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS IS
> EXPLODING GLOBALLY THANKS TO THE POWER OF
> THE INTERNET AND YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE
> ONE OF THE FIRST TO BENEFIT !!
I AM PLEASED YOU ARE EXPLODING !!!!!
> I DON'T REGRET THIS OPPORTUNITY...I TOOK IT AS A 'SIGN'!!
THIS SPAM HAS STIGMATA OOZING WITH CYBER-BLOOD!
Now we have some mail addressed to nonexistent people at kibo.com:
> Well, I dropped Paul off so I could have the car. I stopped
> by Walmart and Toys R Us. Here is what I found...
>
> There are two brands: Mega Bloks and Legos.
> Personally I would choose Legos since it's a more common name
> and I would trust it more. Besides, the toys are basically
> the same price.
>
> Legos has a container of 70 pieces for $10.
> Legos has a container of 140 pieces for $20.
> The age on these is 11/2 - 5 years.
>
> Mega Blok has a container of 90 pieces for $10. The age is 2-5
> and they are "Mini Mega Bloks."
> Mega Blok has a container of 700 pieces for $10. The age is 3-8
> and they are "Micro Mega Blok."
>
> I would be willing to buy whatever you want if you want something.
I really gotta stop ignoring these misdirected personal messages.
I coulda had free Legos!
> Please be advised that the password to Landmark Graphics Corporation's
> ftp site will change effective 9:00am CDT Monday, July 26, 1999
>
> The new ftp username/password combination is as follows:
> [...working password to corporate FTP server was here...]
COOL! You went out of your way to put really high security on
your Web site and FTP server and then mailed out passwords to
random bystanders!
Too bad they weren't a games company.
> Hi it's Brent From CAMP BETHEL. Robbie told me your
> e-mail adress.Whats happing,nothing much here.
> Remeber when the power went out at camp.Everone scared
> me that night even you did.
That Robbie's so smart.
P.S. LOOKOUT, THERE'S A SPIDER ON YOU!!!
> Hello Dan, you have joined our register a while ago but you haven't
> become a member yet.
>
> Did you know that we are the worlds largest information website for
> personal trainers.
Yes. Did you know that Dan is dead? I killed him. WITH MY BARE HANDS!
> All articles contain either photos, diagrams or
> charts and we are about to start using digital video articles. Last months
> article releases included :
>
> Fear the squat no more (Paul Chek) United states
> Oriental Diagnosis (Monica Linford) London
> Training the Upper back (Douglas Brooks) United States
> Traithlon preperation (Sheldon Persaud) Canada
> Conditioning golfers(Paul Chek) United States
> Preconception Health Care(Janette Roberts) Australia
> Deep water running (Kerri Parkinson) Australia
> Cafeine (Glenn Cardwell) Australia
Oh, it's too bad Dan won't get to see these thrilling video articles
about caffeinated underwater squats in Australia.
> send me please information about licence for use in cristal and
> promotional products
>
> best regards
> jorge lobato
Sorry, I am in some way connected to ceramic tiles, not crystal.
-- K.
You should see the stuff
which DOESN'T get through
the Level 1 filters.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Have some more happy happy happy spam!
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 04:56:38 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
More highlights of recently-received unsolicited bulk E-mail, also known
as spam. Note that the pattern these days is that spam always starts with
a paragraph of baloney claiming it's perfectly legal, or a slightly different
outright lie where they claim I personally requested that they spam me.
(Sometimes they even pretend it's a reply to a message I supposedly sent.)
Well, they can't fool me! I am smarter than my E-mail!
> This is a responsible email being sent by Enginefinder.com
Yeah! It's RESPONSIBLE... FOR MORE DEATHS THAN HITLER!!!
> if (navigator.appName == 'Microsoft Internet Explorer' && event.button==2)
>
> {
>
> alert(msg); // Delete this line to disable but not alert user
>
> return false;
>
> }
Sure, there's NO WAY the user will notice that comment if you
delete the stuff that's just to the left of it.
> Please kindly find your inquired information as follows :
That's odd, I don't recall inquiring about a list of prices
of hundreds of used and/or stolen modems, and even if I did,
I probably would have checked the box marked "English" and not "Yoda".
> Hi! JusticeAid is proud to announce it's web site [...URL...]
> to the world which reveals the scandals that Professor J. A.
> Young, Pro-Vice Chancellor of the University of Sydney,
> Australia, conspired with Vancouver police to commit break and
> enter (into his adversary's residence in Vancouver, Canada) ,
> theft. This documentary report is being distributed to six billion
> of population
All of whom personally requested it. In alphabetical order.
Just think, we can get this spammer kicked off the net if only
a TENTH of the recipients complain!
Of course, I suspect he didn't actually mai to six billion
people. I received about 20 copies of it, so there are probably
19 people somewhere wondering, "Hey! Where's MY spam?"
> NOTE: You have received this email because you have either
> sent us your offer or requested information from us in the
> past thereby adding yourself on our in-house mailing list.
> We do not sell our list to anyone.
Yeah, sure, and neither did the people who sold their list to you.
One wonders who this "zafiwubuya@kibo.com" person is who gets more spam
than any of the other nonexistent people at kibo.com.
> You have tried other Work From Home Bussinesses, but they did not
> work for you?
I tried feeding my six cats nothing but spam, but it caused six
different fussinesses.
> You are receiving this email because you have recently downloaded a
> demonstration version of OtsJuke DJ from the OtsJuke web site.
Not me. I wasn't even the guy who downloaded all those vowels
from your trademark.
> With every breeze, you'll enjoy these charming birdhouse windchimes.
> Approximately 6" long, crafted of wood with metal chimes, each one
> of these windchimes is hand painted and highly detailed.
>
> You'll love them all. Assorted designs, let us choose one for you.
At last, a shopping concept for those of us who are tired of having
any control over what we buy! Sure, choose which one I want to buy!
And how many! And at what price!
> GRABNOW would like to apologize with you, because of an error you have
> recived an e-mail promoting our web site. This will never happen again.
But... I didn't get the spam they're apologizing for.
I DEMAND AN APOLOGY FOR THIS UNWARRANTED APOLOGY!
> To: "Daily Devotional From LivePrayer" (dailydevotional@list.flanet.com)
>
> You or a loving friend have added you to this list.
It's so nice of the filthy lying spammers to pretend I have friends.
> HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATES
>
> EVERYBODY LOVES THEM
Then everyone must keep adding them to the "Daily Devotional" mailing list.
> But you may not know that there is only one oral delivery system
> that has
> been proven to effectively transfer HGH across the oral mucosa
> into your
> bloodstream.
This is the same oral delivery system that makes M&Ms Minis come
flying up out of the little tube, up your nose, and into your brain.
> Hit button to hear no more. Sometimes reply dies before we get to it.
Aww, poor dead spam.
SOMEONE PULLED THE PLUG ON THE SPAMINAL 57'S LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM!
> ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS OVER THE INTERNET
> Regardless of Your Credit Rating!
JUST ASK PEOPLE TO MAIL THEIR CREDIT CARDS TO YOU!!!
IT WILL WORK BECAUSE SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE EVEN STUPIDER THAN YOU!
> Dear Colleague,
>
> Because of your professional standing in the school technology
> field,
Waah! I'm standing in the school field because the coach wouldn't
let me wear my street shoes in the gym!
> Regular Joes Earning $50,000 per month by the 6th month!
Joe was rich AND pregnant!
> The Free Booklet is a booklet of where and how to get great free stuff.
Especially free E-mail messages about free booklets.
> Hi, Ê My name is Christie. I am a Southern Californian girl who is into
> dancing, partying and hanging out at the beach. As an amateur model and
> aspiring adult movie actress, I need your help to gain my internet
> popularity and to get me an adult movie deal. Ê ÊIf you help me, you will
> be rewarded with Free Smoking Pictures of me taking my clothes off by
> the beach.
Smoking Pictures! The porn that makes you cough!
> TALKING PERSONALS & PHONE CHAT WORKS!
>
> STRAIGHT, BI-, KINKY, CURIOUS, FRIENDS...
How about one for those of us who AREN'T curious about sex?
> A free version of SPACE GASS for Windows can now be downloaded from [URL]
Poor Spot! He took a sip of the Milky Way and now he had SPACE GASS!
-- K.
And it keeps rolling in...
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Have yet more happy happy happy spam!
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 05:48:09 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
I have now finished cleaning the spam out of my mailboxes for the week.
In order that I might get rid of it -- here, you take some of it:
> UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS
>
> Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power,
> and the admiration of all.
BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY "HAMBURGER UNIVERSITY OF THE AIRWAVES"
E-MAIL DIPLOMA, FOOLISH PEONS!!!
> If you are in Pasadena and would like a coupon for some of your favorite
> shops and restaurants,
Damn! I should have gone to Pasadena to read my E-mail!
> This is a one time mailing, however, if you wish to be removed anyway,
I got three of those.
> This is a 1 time mailing
And seven of those.
YAHTZEE!!!
> \par \tab Doing it right involves many factors. Some painters
> may paint over alligatoring and rotting surfaces. "Without proper
> preparation the job will only last about a year," states Ed. ELF
> makes recommendations such as burning and stripping,
At last I got some spam which actually IS erotic! Burning,
stripping, AND alligatoring!
> 2) Those 16 people mail out 200 letters, (3200 letters) and ONLY
> 256 people
> send you $1.00
>
> 3) Those 256 people mail out 200 letters, (51,200 letters) and
> ONLY 4, 096
> people send you $1.00
>
> [...]
>
> 5) Those 69,536 people mail out 200 letters (13,107,200 letters)
> and ONLY
> 1,048,576 people send you $1.00. At the Next level your
> name-drops off the list.
So you see, to a computer, "64K" _really_ means 69,936 idiots.
I mean bytes.
GET RICH WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO MULTIPLY BY 2!
> You could win up to $50,000 in cash instantly!!!!
> just play the game in this email and reply back which animal is the
> odd one out of the pack and you could be rich!!!
Them deformed animals sure got lots of money to give away!
> Recipe for today - widely known as
> "Grandmothers Own"
>
>
>
> Creamy Coleslaw:
>
>
>
> 1 bag (450g 6 portions) of pre-shredded coleslaw mix or
> medium green
When Grandma wasn't designing her steam-powered Web site, she
was running to the grocery store to buy pre-shredded coleslaw
mix to make her homemade prefabricated cole slaw.
> Small Town Entrepreneur Discovers Amazing, New Way to Earn Money at
> Home!
>
> FREE REPORT Reveals....
>
> How You can Earn $2,240/Wk...$8,960/Mo... Sending Fax-Ads to Business
> Offices in Your Area.. From your Home Fax Machine!
>
> DOESN'T INVOLVE SENDING UNSOLICITED FAXES WHATSOEVER!!!
Meanwhile, thousands of people are having this faxed to them
except the last line says, "DOESN'T INVOLVE SENDING ANY E-MAIL SPAM!"
> Please do not respond to this e mail, e mails will not be read!
Especially not the hyphens!
> YOU Drive!
Damn! I should have asked Gardner if I could borrow the Traskmobile!
> IGallery is the exclusively online distributor of the
> Houston 500 World's Biggest Gang Bang video feed.
So, that would be 500 people chasing each other around the bed
until someone waves a checkered flag?
They go on to warn me:
> It's destined to become this year's Pamela Lee-Tommy Lee feed
IT'LL BE BIGGER THAN POKEMON AND ALMOST AS SEXY!
> Theoretically speaking a human body reserves enough energy to
> build a sort of shield inside everybody of us and harmonize our
> IE systems for health enhancement and disease prevention.
> The IE is gathered, circulated and stored in the body.
Eventually, the Internet Explorer is excreted.
> It is not a apam. You got this e-mail because you are a member
> of Vendor search.
It are not a apam, it are a piece of ahit.
> ONE NATION CLASS LOT UNDER NATURAL LAW NERVE INSIGHT WITH MATTER
> AUTOGENOUS ATTRIBUTES OUT RIVALRY ILL-FOUNDED CITY In Memory File
> At Stability Healing Input Of Dynamics Collective Composure
> RESOURCES RESOLVING ISSUE: DEBT FUSS AMID FUNCTIONALISM? JURIST,
> READ, STUDY AND ANSWER; THE KINGDOM PARTS QUEST...
> {....}.<- - - Accept (EKISTICS GOVERNANCE AS 1999) Reject- - ->.{....}
Yay! I got mail from Spamley Hubbell!
Let's read more:
> Datum Technocratic Fellowship Seeks Ocean Design Unity
> PROTOPLASM PROFESSIONALIZED CONDUCT, THE PRACTICE
> OF PEACE, ETERNITY AND ALLEGIANCE WITH STABILITY AMID
> CITIZENS DAILY AGENDA CAN ONLY BEFIT THE TRUTH WHERE
> THE SITE OF MALE AND FEMALE PRIORITY IS GRACE, HONOR
> AND OBEDIENCE IN MATTER WITH LIFE UNDERSTOOD YOKE. I
> CAN STAY HOME CONTEXT AS LONG AS LAWYERS, DOCTORS
> AND EMPLOYERS SHOP INVENTORY DECISION TO PURGE THE
> WORLD DECEIVE NOT THE TAXONOMY BY WHICH THE WORLD
> CAN BE TRUE WITHIN ITSELF AS RELATED TO THE INDIVIDUAL,
> THE FULFILLMENT AND THE THOUGHTS WITH COHESION IN DO.
It's amazing that, with enough effort, a human being can
try really hard to make their speech patterns appear to
be completely random. Sandbox nougat blender midwifery,
ASDADF MOXIE BLUEPRINTED BAGEL OR CRINKLY THE!!!!
> [continues for a few hundred lines]
>
> SPEAKING TO THE WORLD TOP EXECUTIVES SUBJECTIVE AUTHORITY
> REGARDING THE ESSENCE OF ENGINEERING AND I ASSOCIATIVE WE,
> PLEASE, REVIEW CLASS ATTACHED FILE, [TKOBZ-BANKING.WPD] AND
> [MY-SPACE-AD.WPD] WEBSITE LINKS TO MUNICIPALISM WORKFORCE,
> SEND ME YOUR SERIOUS BUSINESS REPLY. I AM IN NEED OF A TRUE
> DECISION IN FLOW CONCERNING COPE DEVELOPED TRADE HOOKUP.
Okay, I will review your declasse' attached file,
tKibo's-Banking.Wiped. GEE, I WONDER IF IT WILL MAKE MORE
SENSE THAN THIS?
> [from the attached TKOBZ-BANKING.WPD file:]
>
> TIDE SCIENTISM RESEARCHING COPE BASIS DUE RESOLVE BANK IN A JOB THING OF
> POLEMICS ORGANIZED COMMONWEALTH
> X __________________________________________________________________
> ______________________________________________________________
> > _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(THINKDUMO)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ? T I C K H M O N A
> D U E M U Z Y ! _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(THINKDUMO)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________ SYSTEM CONTINENTAL
> SEARCH TO LOCATE THE WORLD, THE SHOP AND THE DOOR WITHIN SCHOOLS PROMOTING
> SERENITY
Oh. It seems to have become garbled in transit. Ladybug mayonnaise
elastic delta dinosaur wafflicious eater fraying spandex or evil
immolating vector hubris.
-- K.
And this note came in addressed to
webmaster@a.non-beef-related.Web.site:
> please send a copy of beef stew
> receipt i heard on the air on
> 11/8/99 thank you
WAAH! I LOST THE RECEIPT FOR MY BEEF
STEW AND NOW I CAN'T CLAIM IT FROM MY
SMART REFRIGERATOR!
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Have some happy happy happy spam!
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 22:09:26 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote:
>
> The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote:
> >
> > David Pacheco will now bring up all the times I have said something
> > stupid on ARK.
>
> SHAN'T! SHAN'T! SHAN'T!
Stacia will now tell us about all the times I haven't said anything
stupid on a.r.k. She'll read that list to you between two TV commercials.
> Instead, I'll tell you what I saw today as I was coming home from work:
> I saw a man pouring a giant plastic jugful of milk into the radiator of
> his Volvo station wagon, which was stopped in the middle of traffic in
> the Hammersmith roundabout. Other than that, he looked completely
> normal.
Was it non-fat milk or the kind that tastes good? This is important
for me because I don't want to read about icky non-fat milk.
Me, lately I've been drinking that new "Vanilla Egg Nog" that they're
selling, which is milk plus cream plus sugar plus vanilla without
any of that disgusting fluorescent orange artificial bubble-gum flavor
that has been used in traditional egg nog for centuries.
Re recent discussion about how English people say "roundabout"
and Americans say "traffic circle" and New Englanders say "rotary",
I would also like to throw my two cents into the hat that's been
thrown into the ring and mention that any place in New England with
"Circle" in its name is an ordinary intersection, not a rotary,
and any place with "Square" in its name is an alley.
-- K.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: soc.history.science,talk.philosophy.misc,talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: AP`s SCIENCE-RELIGION-ODYSSEY; European tour
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 06:00:53 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology
In soc.history.science, talk.philosophy.misc, and talk.religion.misc,
Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote:
>
> Dear World, I am on the European leg of my tour to visit the site
> of the World`s famous science.
Gosh, you're sure getting lots of mileage out of that Greyhound bus
pass that they claimed wasn't valid.
> I am sorry to report that Europe is very much closed as far as access
> to Internet.
This is why there is not one person on the Internet outside of the
United States.
> Not even Cambridge in England, for not only did they ask me to leave
> the library but also asked me to "get off of their grass lawn" in the
> courtyard where Sir Isaac Newton measured the speed of sound.
So how fast did the phrase "OI, GET OFF THE BLEEDIN' LAWN!"
travel through the air towards your very special head?
> So I have alot of notes that I suppose when I get back to the USA
> will need to spend time in posting those notes about Europe.
> At this moment I am at Zurich ETH library looking for the sites
> of Balmer & Rydberg of spectral line fame for which was the
> validating medium to accept the Quantum theory as truth and the
> Bernoulli family of math geniuses. I do not know if Zurich is the
> site for them or whether Bern or some other place in Switzerland.
> And I am having trouble with this computer format at the moment.
World's Longest Moment, 1993 To Present.
> But I want to say that the person to chose for the Millenium,
> even though Quantum Mechanics replaced Newtonian Mechanics is
> Sir Isaac Newton since he systematized physics. The one person
> who changed the world the most in the last millenium wss Newton.
> I will be the man of the millenium in the next millenium celebration.
Are you still jealous that _Time_ made Hitler the 1938 "Man Of The Year"?
> Atom
Egoyan.
-- K.
Or, in Archie's case,
Atom Egocentrist.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: soc.history.science,talk.philosophy.misc,talk.religion.misc,alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: AP`s SCIENCE-RELIGION-ODYSSEY; European tour
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 06:46:48 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology
In soc.history.science, talk.philosophy.misc, and talk.religion.misc,
"Don" (spiers@tesco.net) wrote:
>
> I can see that Archimedes Plutonium learned very little about Europe,
> science and manners before he went on his tour.
It's okay for him to have bad manners. He's just the King of Science,
not the King of Manners!
Actually, I don't think Manners would have a King. Manners would have a Queen.
Of course, Archie would be disqualified from being either King or Queen
of Manners because he spent most of his life in the United States.
On the East Coast, even. (If he had grown up in California or the
Pacific Northwest, perhaps he could be saved, but out here in the East
we're beyond redemption.)
> The University is a academic institution and not a historic theme park.
Yes, but Archie has been planning to buy Dartmouth College and rename it
Plutonium University. I'm sure that Plutonium University will be more
of a theme park than any European university will ever be.
> It costs a lot in time, effort and money to maintain. That is why colleges
> don't like visitors to walk over certain of the lawns. Foot-pavements are
> provided for people to walk on. Perhaps A P is unfamiliar with the concept.
I'm just surprised he didn't bring all three of his bicycles that he keeps
telling us he owns. Just think, he could make three different kinds of
tire tracks on every part of the lawn.
Of course, because Archie likes to file imaginary "legal-law lawsuits",
if he discovers the purpose of lawns he'll undoubtedly start ranting
about "legaln-lawn lawnsuitsn"...
> If visitors treat the place with a little respect they are always welcome.
> Hospitality should not be abused. I wonder why he was asked to leave the
> library: lighting up in the loos perhaps?
I can't imagine Archie would smoke. Except for those toy cigarettes made
of chocolate. I imagine he's leaving a trail of candy wrappers across
Europe at the moment. Maybe he got sticky chocolate fingerprints all
over the library books?
Alternatively, maybe they just threw him out because they confused him
with Don Saklad.
> Perhaps, if he cares to be a bit more open-minded he will learn what
> life in the real world is about.
Why would Archie want to learn about the real world? His is a lot bigger
and more colorful. And everything in it is made of candy.
> For all of Johann, Jakob and Daniel Bernoulli try Basel not Zurich.
Hopefully while travelling across Switzerland, Archie will get confused
as to whether the official language is German, French, Italian, or Romansch,
and he'll be so distracted by this problem that he won't watch where he's
going and he'll trip and fall on one of those giant motorized Swiss Army
Knives that I assume are in shop windows everywhere in Switzerland (because
we have plenty of them in the United States.)
> I am obviously one of the countless millions who obviously am not on the
> internet.
At least not on the same one as Archie. Your Internet is made of wires
and fiber-optic cables. His is made of licorice.
-- K.
I can't wait until he gets to Italy
and tries to walk across the street
in Venice.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Happiness...
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 06:08:48 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
[on being able to buy your way into the "gifted" class at the
high school where she teaches]
The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote:
>
> The teacher in the room next to us was in Gifted class, but her parents
> had paid bug bux for the Montesori [1] school
>
> [...]
>
> [1] I have no idea how to spell this.
That's 'cause you ain't gifted because you were holding the door when
God was passing out the Bug Bux.
And now, for a bad science fiction moment:
BUG...
BUX...
IN THE...
25TH...
CENTURY!!!!!
I'm not actually going to write a piece of fiction to go with that title,
except to say that if I were, it would have to involve Twiki telling
Bug Bux, "BIDI-BIDI-BIDI, THAT WOULD BE IN THE BUTT, BUG!"
-- K.
Then Bug would ask Twiki what that
funny futuristic bathroom fixture
was, and he'd reply,
"BIDET-BIDET-BIDET!"
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Happiness...
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 10:42:33 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
Jim Vandewalker (jimvan@gate.net) wrote:
>
> Nick Bensema (nickb@fnord.io.com) wrote:
> >
> > The school districts have to come up with new terms every year to
> > more precisely define exactly how and what kind of retarded your
> > child is.
> >
> > I remember hearing "Educably Trainable" and other such things.
>
>
> There's a whole range of labels:
>
> Profoundly Mentally Handicapped = vegetable; lies in bed; fed through a tube
> ("Profound")
>
>
> Severely Mentally Handicapped = able to walk around; probably can't
> ("Severe") eat/bathe/eliminate wthout assistance
>
>
> Trainable Mentally Handicapped = can be taught to go in the bathroom to
> ("TMH") masturbate
>
>
> Educable Mentally Handicapped = Can learn to read/do arithmetic at early
> ("EMH") elemntary school level to prepare for a
> career bagging groceries or as a departmental
> supervisor in any government agency
>
> Dull Normal = able to function intellectually at junior high school level;
> ("Jerk") gets involved in long discussions about when Saturday Night
> Live was funny; i.e. typical Usenet poster
>
> There's ANOTHER scale for screwed-upness:
>
> Severely Emotionally Disturbed = everything from childhood schizophrenia to
> ("SED") "Adjustment Reaction of Childhood/Adolescense"
> which is itself subdivided into "Passive" and
> "Oppositional", the equivalent of adult
> "Borderline Personality" which basically means
> "mean as a snake", i.e., M Otis Beard.
>
> Emotionally Handicapped = "Nick is so bright and so creative but we think he
> ("EH") needs to be in a setting where he can work on his
> classroom skills" and where the regular ed teacher
> won't murder him for being such a jerk.
>
> Most school districts are funded on a formula based on something called an
> "FTE" which means "full time equivalency". The above Exceptional Student
> Education ("ESE") labels are FTE MULTIPLIERS. Schools get GET MORE BUX for
> ESE students based on the idea that an EMH kid takes 1.625 (or whatever, I
> just made that number up) more moola to handle than a "normal" kid. The
> more severe the kid is on whichever scale (usually you can't be both), the
> bigger the multiplier.
>
> "Gifted" programs are also lumped into ESE. Kibo was probably only
> Severely Gifted in grade school whereas Matt McIrvin was Profoundly Gifted.
I always like how they have to keep re-euphemizing these labels that become
stigmatized when they're used. For instance, "challenged" and "mentally
handicapped" because a previous euphemism, "retarded", had become a slur.
(The modifiers like "educably" date back at least to the early days
of "retarded".)
And what was "retarded" a euphemism for?
Believe it or not, the original technical terms:
"idiot"
"moron"
"imbecile"
I forget what I.Q. ranges they were defined as (they applied to people
with low I.Q.s, they did not differentiate between developmental disabilities
and other impairments such as physical brain injuries in those days.)
From the Web:
> According to Stedman's Medical Dictionary.
> An IDIOT is a person without understanding or ordinary mental capacity,
> one who does not advance beyond the mental age of three years;
> distinguished from an imbecile, who is capable of some mental and physical
> education.
> An IMBECILE is one who is congenitally weak-minded yet not incapable of
> education; a mental defective not advancing beyond the mental age of seven
> years.
> A MORON is a feeble-minded person of higher grade than am imbecile, one
> who does not advance beyond the mental age of 12 years.
And another, more formalized, discussion of this obsolete terminology:
> The professional organization in the United States most responsible
> for defining mental retardation is the American Association on
> Mental Retardation (AAMR). Its origins date back to 1876, when six
> men, all superintendents of institutions for feeble-minded people
> joined together to form the Association of Medical Officers of
> American Institutions for Idiotic and Feeble-Minded Persons. James
> Trent (1994) reports that the formation of the group was, in part,
> an attempt to dodge the arrogance of the lunatic-alienist's
> organization, The Association of Medical Officers of American
> Institutions for the Insane (presently, the American Psychological
> Society), "who insisted that only lunatic-asylum superintendents
> could enjoy membership" (p. 67).
>
> The Association of Medical Officers begat the Association for the
> Study of the Feeble-Minded in 1906; 1933 brought another change in
> name, The American Association on Mental Deficiency (AAMD)
> (Scheerenberger, 1983). Through the 1940's the term mental
> deficiency would come to replace, at least in the scientific
> literature, outdated terminology such as idiot, imbecile,
> feeble-minded, and moron (Scheerenberger, 1983).
>
> In 1959, the AAMD proposed and adopted the term "mental retardation"
> with the accompanying definition:
>
> Mental retardation refers to subaverage general intellectual
> functioning which originates in the developmental period and is
> associated with impairment in adaptive behavior (Scheerenberger,
> 1983, p. 218).
>
> The "developmental period" lasted until the approximate age of
> sixteen years. The new definition included five levels of mental
> retardation: Borderline, Mild, Moderate, Severe, and Profound.
> Although this definition reflects concurrent deficits in
> Intelligence Quotient (IQ) and adaptive behavior, valid assessment
> tools to measure adaptive behavior were largely unavailable to
> practitioners at that time (Scheerenberger, 1983), and, as we shall
> see, in the present day as well.
>
> The problem of just what constitutes subaverage general intellectual
> functioning has plagued the AAMD (renamed The American Association
> on Mental Retardation in 1987) for the past half century. The 1959
> definition marked "subaverage" performance on intelligence tests as
> one standard deviation below that of the population mean of a
> person's age peers (Blatt, 1977/1994). In 1973, "subaverage" became
> "significantly subaverage" and was redefined to include only people
> who scored two or more standard deviations below the mean.
You can find the rest of that essay, with footnotes and links, at
http://www.staff.uiuc.edu/~linneman/diss/definitions.html
I think the basic problem with any of these terms is that the range
of "below average" people, no matter how you define it, is going to
cover a pretty broad spectrum of people, because people are the
most inherently unique things you can think of. So if you lump the
people who lie there and drool all day in with people who are a little
less bright than average (but can carry on a conversation, earn a
living, etc.) this term is going to be highly offensive to the guy
who's just a little below average (but in no way "damaged") because
it implies that he's somehow similar to the drooling vegetable.
And then there's the whole matter of what "I.Q." is. Are I.Q. tests
trustworthy? And does someone's I.Q. number really matter, except to
show it off around Mensa?
Anyway, what it boils down to is that not everyone who's an idiot is
retarded (they could have just had a head injury) and not everyone who
is retarded is an idiot (they might be brighter than that) but the
terms are both offensive for the same reason: They are calling a
spectrum of people "stupid" and some of those people really aren't
stupid. If nobody told you you had an I.Q. of 90 or 80, you could
still have friends and a job. But the moment you start putting labels
on people (whether "I.Q. 80" or "retarded" or "idiot") you're going
to make them feel bad.
People are different from one another, so we have to be able to talk about it.
And you can't do like Diana Moon Glampers in Vonnegut's "Harrison Bergeron"
and force them all to be equal. (That story is one of the greatest works
of satire ever written.) So the strategem these days it to cook up
drier and drier labels that won't turn into slurs through their application
to people that others look down their noses at. In other words, any word
you apply to someone really stupid will become an insult (or any word you
apply to an oppressed minority) so they manufacture terms that are
harder to shout at them from a passing car.
"developmentally challenged" makes a lousy slur because it has too
many syllables. It doesn't compare to "moron".
"African-American" isn't something Archie Bunker could yell at anyone
as rapidly as "coon". "Alternative lifestyle" doesn't roll off a bigot's
tongue like "fag".
Basically, there are two things that could happen now:
1.) New terms could keep replacing old terms for everything that's
potentially offensive until it takes fifty-eight syllables to
say "moron", or
2.) Bigots will be easy to spot because they'll have developed
the ability to speak faster than nice people.
-- K.
Of course, the bigots could rename
themselves as "prejudicially-inclined
xenophobes" and then we'd have to
stop discriminating against bigots.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Happiness...
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 23:19:06 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
[re special classes for "gifted" children]
The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote:
>
> Jesus Macaroni Christ, was everyone on ARK in Gifted? That would
> explain a lot of the social ... er, inadequacies we possess. That
> statement excludes anyone who is currently reading this post.
IT WEREN'T NO _GIFT_, I WORKED REALLY HARD TO CHEAT ON THAT APTIDOOT TEST!!!
In any case, I am proud to say that not only was I in "accelerated"
math and reading classes, I was also in "special" gym. (That's gym
for kids who still can't master the art of throwing Nerf balls underhanded.)
So, I was both "accelerated" AND "special". I WAS SPECIALLY ACCELERATED!!!
For extra credit, please take this simple test to determine how smart
you are about words that do or no not mean you're smart. PLEASE FILL
IN THE OVALS COMPLOETELY BUT DO NOT WRITE ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF THE
OVALS ANYWHERE. NOW WRITE YOUR NAME ON THIS TEST BUT DO NOT WRITE
OUTSIDE ANY OF THE TINY OVALS.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Accelerated.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Retarded.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Gifted.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Special.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Very Special.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Intelligent.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Wack.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Bad.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Good.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Evil.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Weird.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Slow.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Wise.
It is (good)(bad) to be... a Wise Guy.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Ken Wahl of TV's "Wise Guy".
It is (good)(bad) to be... Stupid.
It is (good)(bad) to be... a Brain.
It is (good)(bad) to be... a Brainiac.
It is (good)(bad) to be... a Rocket Scientist.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Square.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Potsie.
It is (good)(bad) to be... Einstein.
It is (good)(bad) to be... The King of Science.
-- K.
I am THE EINSTEIN OF SCIENCE!
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Ways You Can Tell Someone Else Has Been Using Your Computer.
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 06:14:59 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
1. The monitor is tilted downwards because most people seem to think
that you see with your feet.
2. They tossed your mousepad in the corner because people other than
you would much rather use your mouse directly on your sticky desk.
I'M TIRED OF THIS LIST, YOU CAN FINISH IT FOR ME.
-- K.
My new monitor is too big
to fit on my desk. I either
need a new desk, or else
I need to figure out if this
monitor will still work if
I saw the extra part of the
screen off.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Ways You Can Tell Someone Else Has Been Using Your Computer.
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 07:58:41 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote:
>
KA-PEENG! KA-PEENG! NEW SONAR-POWERED KONTEXT-AWAY TORPEDOES CONTEXT!
> [...]
>
> 5. You are Archimedes Plutonium, and you are in a public library.
KITTONG! KITTONG! KONTEXT-AWAY MARK VII RETURNS TO JACK WEBB'S BASEMENT!
Dear David,
I appreciate your gift of turning me into Archimedes Plutonium and
teleporting me to the Boston Public Library. However, I feel that this
is the worst episode of "Bewitched" ever. It's even worse than the one
where Darrin and Paul Lynde fell under that spell that made them act
gay for one week. Please zap me back to being Kibo and avoiding public
libraries, or better yet, blink me into being Fonzie so that I'll be
able to go around alternating between being afraid of public libraries
and telling everyone in the world they should have as many library
cards as possible. But please do not use your arbitrary god-like powers
over time and space to make me "sit on it!"
-- K.
While we're on the subject of gayness,
the Boston Public Library, and god-like
powers, I'd like to mention again that I
love the concept of that H. G. Wells movie
where Jack Benny destroyed the whole world
just because he COULD. I shudder to think
what would happen if other celebrities
got that power. Especially Charles Grodin.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: D.C. area kibologists?
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 07:17:46 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Carlos "Froggy" May (froggy@neosoft.com) wrote:
>
> Richard S. Holmes (rsholmes@rodan.syr.edu) wrote:
> >
> > The one time I was with a group of morris dancers that got hassled by
> > a cop was the time we were in New Hampshire and decided to perform in
> > the middle of a traffic circle.
> >
> > He told us to leave. We asked him if there was somewhere else we
> > could dance. He said "Not in this town."
>
> Dancing isn't allowed in Puritan towns, because it reminds people of
> mangling ancient jokes.
On CNN Headline News -- excuse me, CNN Headline "News" -- a couple
days ago some people were protesting the opening of a strip club --
excuse me, "exotic dance club" -- and were holding up clever signs.
The cleverest said:
D A N C I N G
B R E A D S
D R U G S
A N D
P R O S T I T U T I O N
It took me a while to figure out what they wanted that to mean.
Then I decided I didn't care what they wanted it to mean and
started fantasizing about a peanut butter sandwich.
> So, some friends went to a beach in a state-park in Florida.
> They found an isolated spot with noone around and went skinny-dipping
> and sun-bathing.
> Then this cop drives up in this dune-buggy thingie and starts
> yelling at them.
> The group decides to send the d00d with the foreign accent over
> to talk with the cop. He asks, "Vas der some kind of problem,
> officer?"
> The cop replied, "I don't know what they do where you come from,
> but here in the State of Florida, you must keep your clothes on
> at all times!"
THE STATE OF FLORIDA IS NOT FOR COMPUTERY STUFF!!!
-- K.
Callbacks are inherently funny.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Gore Grilled on Microsoft Ruling
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 08:41:16 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
The Associated Press tells us:
>
> REDMOND, Wash. (AP) -- Vice President Al Gore faced tough
> questioning Monday from Microsoft Corp. managers, many of whom
> recalled the Justice Department's celebration after a federal judge
> declared the computer software company a monopoly.
>
> [...]
>
> During the appearance, Gore made jokes that only the
> computer-savvy would understand [...]
You know, somewhere in The Other Universe, the wire-service articles
contain ONLY the interesting parts. But unfortunately, we're stuck
here in The Boring Universe where they always avoid telling us what
we want to know.
-- K.
The big question is, did
Al Gore get his own jokes?
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Gore Grilled on Microsoft Ruling
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 22:17:57 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Last night I mentioned this news event:
>
> REDMOND, Wash. (AP) -- Vice President Al Gore faced tough
> questioning Monday from Microsoft Corp. managers,
I saw footage of this meeting on the news this morning. They showed Al Gore
walking out onto a stage in front of a huge sign that said
WELCOME TO MICROSOFT AL GORE
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
-- K.
Those "Gore 2000" buttons you've
been seeing are nothing compared
to the "Gore 2000 Service Pack 2"
updates you'll need.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: STORY (new): SPOT'S UNDERWEAR PROBLEM
User-Agent: MacSOUP/2.4 (unregistered)
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Supersedes: (kibo-1611991700520001@192.168.1.201)
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 23:04:56 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
A little story about a little puppy in little underpants.
Please proofread this for me and circle the stupid parts.
SPOT'S UNDERWEAR PROBLEM
by James "Kibo" Parry
Copyright (C) 1999 James "Kibo" Parry
Spot was wearing underpants! Spot was running around the room in
circles, yapping happily, as he showed off his new underwear.
They were genuine Underoos(R) brand briefs, with a picture of Fonzie
from "Happy Days" on the crotch.
Spot's crotch said, "AYYY!"
And his butt said, "SIT ON IT!"
"I don't get it," muttered Albert Einstein, famous scientist and owner
of one very dumb puppy, "but I'm glad the underwear fits you."
"Wow, thank you for finding these in the back of you closet, Professor!
Yap yap yap!" Spot was now pressing his butt against the window to show
off his underwear to passersby.
Einstein turned back to the big machine he was working on. "Silly
puppy, stop yapping about my laboratory! I am building a time machine
and time machines are best built without the help of puppies!"
"Yay! You said I am helping you! That means I can do _this_ --"
Spot reached into the machine and grabbed a handful of loose wires and
pulled them out to neaten up the machine.
"YOU STUPID PUPPY, STOP THAT, AND ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PUSH THE BIG RED BUTTON!"
Spot looked around for the big red button, but he didn't see it, so he
looked some more, and after several minutes he found it and pushed it.
Einstein was livid. "DAMN YOU, SPOT! YOU'VE TURNED ON MY TIME MACHINE
BEFORE EVEN I COULD! THAT MEANS YOU'RE NOW LEGALLY CONSIDERED THE
INVENTOR! JUST FOR THAT, I'M TAKING AWAY YOUR SQUEAKY CHEW TOYS!"
"I don't care, I don't care, I'm wearing underwear," sang little Spot as
the machine began to glow.
A computer voice came from the time machine's console. "WARNING...
WARNING... TIME MACHINE ACTIVATED! ACTIVATED!" The glow turned red,
then green, then to a color with no name.
Spot didn't notice that the waistband of his underwear was snagged on
the machine's orthogonality inverter. There was a sound effect that
would put Don Martin to shame, something with ten each of five
different vowels and no consonants, and Spot looked into the heart of
the machine just in time to see the waistband of his underwear receding
through time to an infinitely distant point before the creation of the
Universe and/or underpants.
"WARNING... WARNING... TIME WEDGIE! TIME WEDGIE!"
"Waah!" cried Spot, "I not only invented the time machine, I invented
the time wedgie! I don't want a time wedgie!" But it was too late!
The waistband of Spot's underwear was now stretched from here to
eternity. Spot looked through the machine's time portal at the most
distant part of it, where his waistband passed the point where the Big
Bang was about to happen. Suddenly, there was a tiny flicker of light.
Spot was seeing the creation of the Universe from so far away that it
wasn't a big deal! Except to the waistband of his underwear. It was
hurled forward through time towards Spot.
"WARNING... WARNING... RAPID CONTRACTION OF ELASTIC! ELASTIC!"
Spot tried to run away before the flying, time-travelling waistband
could snap against his butt with the force of forty billion atomic
bombs, but he was held in place by his own underwear, which was not only
snagged on the time machine but was rapidly crossing all time zones.
Einstein, standing as far away as possible within the room, shouted an
idea. "Spot! Take off your underwear!"
"I can't! I spilled a whole bottle of spirit gum down the front of it
this morning! And I did it by accident, too!"
The waistband of Spot's Underoos was now approaching at 99.99999% of the
speed of light. (Due to relativity, this made Spot's underwear look
shorter and wider, and so people throughout the Universe looked up at
their night skies at the flying underwear that must have belonged to
someone with a REALLY WIDE BUTT.) Spot screamed and tried to chew off
his own pelvis as approaching shockwaves heralded the impending return
of his waistband to the 20th century.
Then nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.
Einstein stopped watching Spot's butt and looked over at the time
machine's console. "Why, Spot! It says here that the waistband of your
underwear ended up somewhere in the 1950s!"
Spot wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Whew! That was a close one!
Well, thanks for your help when I invented the time machine, Professor
Einstein! I'm going to the mall!" He tried to trot away but discovered
his legs were dangling in the air because his underwear was still
stretched through the time portal.
"Spot! You'll have to take off your underwear to go to the mall!"
"But... I thought they had that sign that said I had to wear underwear!"
"No, Spot, you'll have to take off your underwear because it's still
caught on something somewhere in the 1950s!"
Spot burst into tears. "Waah! I knew that pouring that quart of spirit
gum into my underwear, and three tubes of Krazy Glue, might turn out to
be a bad idea!"
"Here's an idea, Spot. Jump into the time machine and let the elastic
pull you to wherever the rest of your underwear is snagged. And then,
when the two parts of your underwear are re-united, everything will be
fine."
"Wow! Sounds easy! All I gotta do is follow my underwear!" He was
about to hurl himself butt-first into the time portal but Einstein
stopped him.
"Silly puppy, wait! Before you go, I have to teach you about the
dangers of time travel! You must be careful not to change history by
interacting with anything or anyone in the past! Don't do anything!
Don't touch anything! Don't look at anything! Above all, don't exert
any miniscule gravitational forces on nearby atoms! You could be like
that butterfly in South America that started that earthquake in Japan!"
"Me be a butterfly? Haw, haw, that's funny, Einstein! I'll tell
everyone in the 1950s you said hi, and I'll bring you back lots of
souvenirs! Bye!" With that, Spot hopped into the time portal and
passed into the whirling maelstrom of eternity, a shifting maze of past
and future ages, and some sparkles too.
Spot was travelling down an infinitely long, infinitely wide, infinitely
sparkly time tunnel. To each side he could see the only other people
who had ever travelled in time: The guy from "A Connecticut Yankee In
King Arthur's Court", the guy from "Slaughterhouse-Five", ten copies of
every captain from "Star Trek", and famous soap-maker Dr. Bronner. But
they were all blurred and distorted as they whooshed past because Spot
was moving at over a trillion times the speed of light. It made his
eyes water!
Up ahead, he could see the 1950s approaching. He could tell because he
passed through a layer of spinning newspapers that said "EVERYONE LOVES
JOE McCARTHY" and "GAME SHOWS ARE RIGGED". And the 1950s were the only
decade where game shows were rigged, so Spot knew he was on target!
Spot's underwear emitted shockwaves in ever-expanding hyperspheres as he
passed the speed of light to the infinity power plus one. The amount of
cosmic force concentrated in Spot's underpants was nothing short of
incredible.
And then it went away and a roller-skating waitress crashed into Spot.
"Clumsy dog! Don't you know that dogs are not allowed here in Arnold's
diner? They make Ralph Malph sneeze!"
"But I'm a friend of Fonzie's! Look!" Spot showed the waitress his
crotch. She looked at the picture of Fonzie saying "AYYY!" and left him
alone (which is usually what women did after seeing Spot's crotch.)
Thankfully, the trip through time had not completely obscured the
picture of Fonzie as it made scorch marks all over Spot's underwear.
Looking around the diner, Spot couldn't see Fonzie anywhere. But it was
gratifying to confirm what he had always known, that "Happy Days" was a
completely accurate depiction of the 1950s. Spot wondered if this was
the episode where Mork From Ork came on and did all the jokes about
Jimmy Carter, or the episode where the mad scientist made Fonzie turn
gay, or the episode where Fonzie proved that classical music is always
better than rock'n'roll. Or could this be one of the _early_
episodes that didn't suck? Spot knew he had to find out in order to
find Fonzie, and he also had to be careful not to interact with anyone
or anything. He shoved a roller-skating waitress out of his way as he
went to see Fonzie about his underwear.
He found Fonzie sitting at his desk in the men's room, wearing his plaid
scarf and listening to classical music as he adopted an orphan while
performing Shakespeare. Horrors! It was one of the late, sappy
episodes after Fonzie had become a simpering square! And after Ron
Howard had gone bald and left the show! But perhaps Fonzie could help
Spot anyway.
"Hey, Fonzie, look! You're on my underwear!" Spot showed Fonzie his
underwear, which showed Fonzie saying "AYYY!" Fonzie looked through his
reading glasses at Spot's Underoos, and he saw that, indeed, a cartoon
of a twenty-year-old Henry Winkler was saying "AYYY!" And more
importantly, the little Fonzie picture was wearing tiny underwear with a
picture of a stupid puppy on the crotch!
"Whoa! Those are some groovy underwear, li'l puppy! Whip inflation
now! Boop-boop-a-doop! So, what can I do for you?"
"Well, you see, this underwear made me travel through time, and now that
I've found the other end of my waistband, I'm stranded here in the
perfectly authentic 1950s and I can't change anything but I need your
help building a time machine to send me back to the present day but
remember you can't change anything while you stop dating girls for six
months to learn about Einstein's theory of General Relativity."
"Ayyy... Relativity sounds cool!" Fonzie threw open the bathroom door
and yelled, "HEY EVERYBODY, I FOUND SOMETHING EVEN COOLER THAN
SHAKESPEARE AND MANTOVANI! FROM NOW ON, "HAPPY DAYS" IS GOING TO BE ALL
ABOUT RELATIVITY!"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
With Fonzie's help, Spot was able to return to the present. And he
hadn't changed anything, except to make everyone in the Fifties think
that theoretical physics was cooler than everything else. So, obviously
he didn't expect the world of the present to be any different.
"AYYY!" yelled Einstein as he rode his motorcycle into the laboratory.
He was wearing a leather jacket and his hair was full of axle grease,
but he was still wearing mismatched socks.
Spot screamed and ran out in the street, where he was run over by Niels
Bohr's Harley. An ambulance took him to the hospital, where doctors
refused to operate on him because he wasn't wearing clean underwear.
Spot died of dirty underwear.
THE END
-- K.
The moral of this story is:
a) Classical music is better than rock'n'roll
b) Don't change history
c) Always wear clean underwear
d) Never wear underwear
e) "Happy Days" kept getting lamer
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: LASERGROWERS is accepting new members.
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 23:30:07 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
In alt.lasers, sci.optics, sci.physics, and sci.physics.plasma,
"Cass" (cassegrainian@galaxycorp.com) wrote:
>
> The original LASERGROWERS email discussion list is accepting new members.
Because of the constant contraction of the Universe, I no longer have
space for my spaghetti farm, but because I own the air rights above
my infinitely narrow farm, all I have to do is find something to grow
which has no width and goes straight up forever and I'll be a millionaire!
Hey... I could grow LASERS for profit! MY GAMBLING ADDICTION IS SAVED!
-- K.
Several planes flying over Boston
were mysteriously vaporized today.
Also, the Moon appears to have been
pushed out of orbit by light pressure.
Suspects include Ming The Merciless,
General Electric, and Kibo.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: A
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 23:54:05 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
In sci.geo.geology, Manley Hubbell (Manley.Hubbell@hubert.rain.com)
posted his daily dispatch:
>
> Tuesday A Alvord A & The Top Ten feeT 40 ? 6 Ob ? J
> Tuesday A Alvord A & The Top Ten feeT 40 ? 6 Ob ? J
> LOOK? I'll guess that by the time this gets to Post the very fast
> FIRST parts from 59,60 will be at least 1/2 way?/ Counting from the November 12 TV report\ 5pm / & the November 13, 1999 f$ off its peg \15th/<800 km/s @?ergs/
> -NOV'99--week ---21----GW?--19-flue?--16--\/--13-----
> Earth posit days 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 ? 1 0
> ( :? ) : HARD ^ gama My Gama Math
> My G Math ( : ) : CME 8 min
> ( :electrons: ? g 186,000 Mi/Sec
> 60 S/min ( : ) : g *60 Sec/Min
> *60 m/hr (protons) : g 11,160,000 Mi/Min
> *24 h/dy mps ( ): : g *8 Min
> 86400 S/dy ? ( ) : : g 88 million miles ?
> 172800 s/2d 520 hard cme ? ( ) : maybe its 9 min
> 345600 4d 260 _O____:__
> 600000 s=7d 150 ?=: 240Km/s / _____ \
> 690200 8d 130 / / ___ \ \ 99-11-13&12
> Solar Flare Eruption_____.___________-/__/_/ \_\___\-___??___.
> Km ?= 0 2 4 8 16 20km
> Ts ? = 0 .05 ???
> ETA (Gama 8") {Electrons 2-7day} [Gravity Wave 7d.]
> extended Math 93 million miles / 345600 = 260 miles/sec
> ? as i recall this tail? theres a ? magnetic lined worm hole ?
> ? that will carry very high speed VERY HIGH ENERGY electrons 2Earth
> ? B4 Two many days? I do not recall this tail well but theres a
> ? proper name already assigned. "C" something as i recall them
> ? with a web site for some one elses dilusions about THAT
There was more, but I won't quote it because it makes my whole body hurt
to think about other people trying to read this stuff.
My only suggestion is that while you're trying to read Manley Hubbell's
writings -- well, doodlings, really -- you should sing the "Match Game '75"
theme song over and over at the top of your voice to maintain your sanity.
I still wonder how many hours he spends on each of these finely-crafted
explosions in the type foundry. You get the feeling that he's trying
SO hard to jam in as MANY levels of meaning into each one that all
possibility of any sort of useful communication is destroyed, unless
you just conclude that he's not lucid because he's nuts. PERSONALLY
I WILL NOT TAKE A STAND ON THE ISSUE OF WHETHER HE IS SO SUPERINTELLIGENT
THAT WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIM OR WHETHER HE'S JUST AN INSANE BOZO,
BECAUSE THIS IS THE INTERNET WHERE YOU ARE FREE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN
MIND ABOUT WHETHER INTERNET KOOKS ARE NUTS OR GENIUSES.
-- K.
Later tonight I'll post the outcome
of the Manley Hubbell-related contest
from September's alt.religion.kibology party.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Can YOU find Manley Hubbell in this stack of random squiggles?
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 00:03:39 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Attached are seven articles that Manley Hubbell posted to sci.geo.geology.
They are all quoted in full.
Except, some of the seven are fakes.
Can you spot the fake Manley Hubbells?
Hint: The fakes were brilliantly fabricated by Leah Verre and Louis Nick.
(I couldn't possibly master the art of writing like Manley Hubbell.)
And now, without further ado, after the special "^L" character which
is supposed to make your computer ask you to press the space bar but
will just make you think these articles have become garbled in transit,
I present... SEVEN REAL AND/OR FAKE MANLEY HUBBELL ARTICLES!
-- K.
Article #1: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Tuesday The Top Ten feeT & A Alvord A 6 ? 40 J ?Ob
4 Me TT, written in the Anthro pages, NOT in Geo as i guess it's to
up close & personal. My favorit ref Archeology of Oregon C.M. Aikens
--------------------------------------------------------------------
p227-8 Rogue, Coquille Marial, Applegate (Phases)
p144 Windust, Cascade, Tucannon (phases)
p190 Looney, Enola, Dolph, Quad, Calapooyna, Senecal, Champoeg,
Winkle, Ingram, Horseshoe [Units] (Balster & Parsons 1968)
================================================================
depending on the page number of course the Top Twenty Five to
50 feet have as many names as there are pages/ probably more
as each page contains several arangements of letter strings
::::::::::::::::::: i'm sticking to AaA for now though ::::
Well Mg? I've finish my starting script for 2kEposodic
in the first cut I gave it 400yr active 1600yr "QUIET"
400/2000 = 20% "A" bell shape 400yr curve in 20ea 20yr segments
/ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ \
each 20 yr uplift averge 9 feet at the coast {?:= 1'/2yr}
4.5 feet inland valleys {1'/4yr}
2 feet in the cascade range (Mt St. Helens, Hood, Raineer)
1 FOOT at the Alvord ( ever 20 year {for 400 year} ) = 20 feet?
======================20'/400yr of 2000 yr cycle?===============
recreation from first attempt at cross corelation of ?
`MAJOR' EPOSODIC "UPLIFTs" in the Pacific Northwest
| beach
| terris | Valley Plains alvord DATE
| sands Twalitin Valley | Vancouver Lake elev ????
| sea 120 Jackson bottom | sea0 tide flats 4000 2000
| 150 200' north plains | 80? 4020 000
| 350 :::::::::::::::::? | 160' 4040 -2K
| | 240' fourth plains 4080 -4-6?
? ///////////////////?////////////////////////////////
750 300' Mill plains
=============================================================
it seams very certain to me that these features
seperate as they are, each document the same
Eposodic Events (EE). Even thoght the dates
given may be "OFF" by several orders
still it remains my 1st guess of when
in cronological order 2kEE took place
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::TT::::::::::::::::::::
Really theres not much doubt that here for the most part
"The Top Ten Feet" are Clay, in fact the top 25 feet.
And that that clay had bio origins seams clear to me.
but its not at all clear that it was the same groups
of FunGi that put the product in place. though i `poise
that whomever was in charge did the deed at aproximatly
the same rate of deposition, for most of the deposit.
Because ? Assumption 1 said the rate of deposit
aproaches some Average value And that that value
does not add up the the amount already in deposit
Something sure seams {{ um how should I say it }}
to be missing? "MISSING" well thats my guess
so there must be mini eposodics that take out much
that does get lain down by the "FunGi" doono
but i'm looking for the "CLAY" new numbers from Mg's
posts. I can say that much with some confidence.
:: :: this was a reposting of the 810 post :: :: from ::: down
_____ine 60 3:41 A.M. PST from The "INNER" Solar System
Article #2: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Monday Search4_S... & Black Bird's B ? > 40 scale
SUN 26LE55 990820 URA 14AQ21 (==< incomming from Uranus ?
| :** : **: | ==
| *:"Leo" SUN Pisces :*cassio| http:
| 12== [E] ==24 | //www
| *:Virgo : Aquarius :* | .planets
| :** : **: | .org
==================================or m31?===========================
Assume for .1 sec, that intelligance, was being sent from afar
Lemme say from M31 (Andromeda) beyond a million light years away
Such that contemporanious communication, useing electro/magnetic
waves or light would be inpracticle. Thus Gravity Wave Modulation
might be considered, unhampered by the speed limit inposed onlight.
So the question arises, with me, Why are earthlings so bound
up in the fundy allo trap as to be unable to provide even one
functional "WEB" site, of conteperanious Gravity wave data, here
on earth, much less on several points within the Solar System?/?
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
To me, in as much as the actual detector has been documented
decades ago, still fundy's poor usless allocations into some
mindless, just spend it, scheme, of Lazer light reflection's
Boo, BOo, BOO. I say its wrong, wrong, WRONG.!. to continue
with the current mind set. Give some ten year old kid the chance
and we would have the information available on the web in less
time than it takes Cassini to reach orbit. Who's responcible
really. I hope she has Ps in her Pants.
Yeah, so whats my excuse? Good question, I've fought with
the simple input of audio into MY DOS for a long time. right
now its the transition from Audio to 5V that gets me down.
Whatever, the curse, at least i'm NOT on the Laser Light show
scenario, and can tell you that YES indeedee the Suns getting
active enought to produce output and 8645-7(7/24) 8674-5(8/20)
were sparkling examples, where ever you can find that data.
Disclamer? No I cannot 4sure say it was 47 74 as i've no
know way to establish numbers to X-ray DATA but its close
4 sure, and a better 1st approximation than I see comming from
elsewhere.
SUNs SPOT (ver 1 2 3)
???????????????????????????
so are we now getting the expected ..._ ..._ ..._ ._ . ~.~
about a month/dit dah about Christmass, on the 10.4 Year GW carrier?
______ LINE 50 in editor 5:01 A.M.PST from The "INNER" Solar System
Article #3: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Thursday Erge2erg & Greater Craters 0 ? 24 erg ?Cr
99-08-31
3804 Mon 30 Manley Hubbell S4
3805 A J Manley Hubbell your Web site ?
3932 All cmhall@umich.edu Re: The geology of
99-09-01
4363 All ajohnson@t-online.de Pyrite or =?iso-8859-1?Q?
4365 All mcdonald@ukonline.co Re: your Web site? - Ma
4377 All ajohnson@t-online.de Re: your Web site? - Ma
4398 All ajohnson@t-online.de Re: your Web site? - Ma
5330 All pyats@wt.net Re: Pyrite or not#
5570 All singtech@telestream. Re: Whose c
sequential LIST here no deletions or additions {line lengths cut4}
------------------------------------------------------------------
theres a lot of truth to the ERGE2, but instead i'll try Narration.
First i'll reLOOK at the Pyrite, at the lower right. A Scale would be
of assistance if included on the margin beside this specimine sample.
====================================================================
I spend considerable time, at a computer store, run by an older hindo
gentelman. And considering, the fact that i'm not allowed to set foot
in the university, i consider it a high privledge. People of all
nationalities come there, many not even speaking english. I refer
to it as a "THREE Ring CIRCUS" here in Portland, Oregon; USA; N.A.
?????
ANYWAY last week an older, German speaking gentlman came in, asking to
buy a German keyboard for his computer. after a few minutes one was
sold to him and he left. The next day, he returned saying the the
german keyboard did NOT work, and got his money back. I did offer
one comment about "code pages" & the Hindo translation of my comment
was :" country.sys ":. I felt sad when the gentleman left, but to
me watching the excange [ of monies ] from afar, there was not time
to follow the story line to a logical conclusion. NOR could I put
a copy of code pages into the discussion QUICKLY enough. Sorry sir.
anyway2: Some of the discussion between the two was directed to the
Y key which {i'm just guessing} was located next to the X
key on the keyboard under discussion. such that Y X not Z X would
be ajacent keys (Lower "LEFT") row of keys {other end from < > ?}
::::::::::::::::::::::::::: G C :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I do have a ZX81 (british) computer that I saved just as some might
save other items. ON that keyboard [ 10 by 4 = 40 keys ] the lower
copy clear cont
left keys are [SHIFT] [Z :] [X ;] [C ?] . . . . . [Space]
ln exp at
-------------------------------------------------------------------
---------- 99-08-12
accident while crater-hunting in Australia, became the first human to
---------- 99-08-11
interested in dune fields isolated within large impact craters
---------- 99-08-10
cratered surface ever observed. Previous encounters by the G
---------- 99-08-09
old craters one of the circles I swing on the globe does center the
the rime remnet of that inpact crater. Never mind this argument th
Why don't you tell us the names of the rifting zone and the impact
and sealed locations. There is no need to invoke an extraterrestria
_____LINE 57 12:22 A.M.PST from The "INNER" Solar System
Article #4: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Wednesday cALENDER aND nATURAL dISASTER -12- Hps>_log(m)
|Subject: Re: Reunion question
|Date: 08/02/99******************************************
|
|The Piton de la Fournaise is basaltic shield volcano on
|Reunion Island in the western Indian Ocean.
|The volcanic island of Reunion is about 700 km (434 miles)
east of Madagascar.
|It is one of the most
active volcanoes on Earth, with more than
|100 eruptions in the last 300 years.
|It was built on Piton des Neiges, an older extinct
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Last month there was an Earth qauke in Turkey. Not to say that
the connection between the calendar [any calendar of 12 months,
American] will reflect for long the patter of disasters by nature.
I have connected all naturel Disasters to small - order fourier
Patterns in a 12 - month calendar. **It is hard enough** to record
in the Calendar toll and other Data, and I am searching at this
time for a source. on the Internet. But it is NOT a prospect.
???? Because The Internet was invented without regarding the
Principle of completion!!
I HAVE this data from UH Social Science ( LIKE ANOTHER SCIENCE )
Table shows months initials and by death toll of natural disasters.
(Starting 1984)
* * * * * * * *
** * * * * * ** * * * * * * * ** * * * *
* ** * *** ***** **** ** *** * * * * * *** *
MAMJJASONDJFMAMJJJASONDJFMAMJJASONDJFMAMJJASONDJFMAMJJASONDJF
( INCREASE IN GROUPS shown UPWARDS / highest set of deaths TOP )
Without repetition, I say that the series is generated as irrat-
ional pattern of humps /\\/\//\///\\/\/\///\\\//\\//\\\/\
which form asorted minipatterns within a large framework. With a
distributed node-list in cyberspace can generate a solution to
forier (4EA) just as atoms will generate solutions to Boyle's gas
law - in calculation by mechanical means og interaction.
Resonent features of the Earth's crust and mantle can predict
with this solution the same way???
================================/\..? .../|\===================
Here is the next data set with ANNUAL Data but it has first Mean
values
/=-=-=-=-=-=-=\
( column is Years - data from peaks )
01 7615----------11036+11326 -->
02 900---1265+1338
03 959--1344+1418
04 1419-----2808+2865
05 3103--4359+4658
06 1153-----1645+|
07 1095-----1524+|
08 4648--------6254+6620
09 3862-----------5400+|
10 2960--------4680+|
And NO UPPER LIMIT in 4 of 5 last years??? Because this momen-
tary stability of natural causes is an interruption ( data -
sensitive ) in the Pattern of Prediction. PoP@
I have seen that if a pattern is apparent ( of any Scale) to a
person then Nature changes Pattern of Effect PoE@ <=========
for single data set but whole data is constant
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Assumption 1: Collection of the data is conected directly to a
natural episodic events DIRECTLY :: "METHOD" and collector of
the data is consistent. And there is no where natural effects
are controled.
_____INE 74 1:04 A.M.PST from The "INNER" Solar System
Article #5: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Saturday Voyage to Gravolti. (-24) ?-6,-12,-18,-24,-40
__d3__ clock 3: Planets orbits the Sun // Planets Spin on axis
YEAR ?/:/? day
*********[ PREPOSED TABLE of metaPHYSICAL UNITS ]*********
^1.? ^2 VELO |-------erg0---^3-----| ? ^4 ?
TIME LENGTH CITY FORCE {fudge}[e6] WORK POWER MASS
{--default--} &Acc {factor} energy {default}
us ?-16 _raff e-30 #construkt !plank fg(-15)
ms ?-9 _felt e-24 #gravolti !graft ag(-12)
ms ?-4 _rif e-18 #parton !part pg(-9)
cs mm _sta 1.6 e-12 eVolt !surge ug(-6)
ds mm mm/ds _lyte e -6 #bolt !merg mg(-3)
s cm cm/s dyne 1 e 0 erg ! gram(UNIT)
SEC METER M/S NEWTON 10 e 6 Joule WATT kg( 3)
?hr M _warm 3.6 e 12 kWhr !cty Mg( 6)
?11hr kM KM/Hr _blite 4.2 e 18 kTonn !boom Gg( 9)
?day ?+4 _shake e 24 #Rh.ictar !rattle (12)
?14 3/4d?+9 _wiew e 30 #Tp.actor !wtcht (15)
?yr ?+16 _sheen e 36 #Sf.un !flue2 (18)
??Myr ?+25 _puff e 42 #O___blartor !wowe (21)
{ _ preposed words for units of force for each scale level}
{ # preposed words for units of energy for each scale level}
{ ! preposed words for units of power for each scale level}
--------------------------------------------------------------
it should be pointed out once again that one of the prime
ideas of my voyage to smaller & smaller units of energy
{ MOVING UPWARDS IN THE above table = downwards in e levels }
will be an assumption about the concept of Time dialation
or constriction. Such that as MASS, POWER, ENERGY, FORCE,
ACCELERATION/VELOCITY, & DISTANCE. become smaller & smaller
the interval of the time units itself becomes effected.
At this level ( erg*E-6 ) in most instances, the default
time unit interval ds (DecaSecond) {.1 sec} amounts to
1/10 the default unit of time of the next higher(LOWER)
LEVEL erg*e0, and very little interval streching, compression
takes noticable place, and few if any additional or
removed DS's are added or deleted to keep the miligram
comprehensible.
In the above the "STEP" used as a standard was applied to
the Energy column's and 1,000,000 times was the Step chosen.
within the metaphysical Tables of course other columns other
than the central (energy) column could be focused upon, for
example the default unit of mass could be used. at these
default demension currenty thought by me to be the decasecond
and mm would supposedly be the milligram. Alass the table
itself, clearlys not engraver upon go;d tablets, or even
in concrete. As soon as the big step into another realm
of deminsion's would be taken ( see below )
__d4__ clock 2: electrons orbit proton // electrons spin
***[ PREPOSED TABLE of quantmPHYSICAL UNITS ]********
ns Angstrom
of course things really start to distort, so much so that
even the structure of the TABLE itself goes " missing "
AND I would add in my scheme of things 5 seperate and
distinct ?" CLOCKs "? or dimensions exist beginning with
__d1__ clock 5: thru__d3__ clock 3: to__d5__ clock 1:
with D3.clock3 defigning the current table
----WELL ENUOGH BS and moving on twards gravolti (erg*E-24)
the moon orbits earth ( in a varying time period ) with
some average interval, perhaps between 29 and 30, and may
become 30 exactly at some unknown time in the fyture (maybeNOT2
____LINE 60 7:42 A.M. PST from The "INNER" Solar System
Article #6: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
`HUB'pub#JD=2451425.SFR for Lunar phaze prior to 09-03-1999
<--------- O25 -- Lull+ --- Trigger -><- CA WEEKLY -summery->
09-03-1999 O= 5 LUL+= 13 T= 6 Ca Q# = 47.3 BIG1 3.1
08-27-1999 O= 0 LUL+= 6 T= -1
08-13-1999 O= 5 LUL+= 21 T= 14
^----^ 25daySF ^ LULL@1st.1/4 ^ ^ CaWkQ# SUM &BIG1 ^
980829 SF plot shift L13, 702=0, 990722 R?
990220 gain= SF/4, 990702 SF/5, 990722 SF/7
JUNE99 REALIGNMENT of the columns: 1Dt 2## 3Sf 4Ca 5L: 6Eq
<- -> SF site = gopher://solar.sec.noaa.gov/00/latest/DSD
(. .) http://quake.wr.usgs.gov/QUAKES/WEEKREPS/weekly.html
[ ] EQ site = http://www.iris.washington.edu/SPYDER/
spyderdata/data1998/catalog1999.2
28 # 8651?- 198 4 FM 04:25 - 1 5.9 5
29 # 202 ? ' :
30 # 206 14 | ' :
31 # 201 10 | 8 :
01 # 86xx. 216 7 . | 6 6 =33
02 # 213 1 . 5
03 # 211 11 8 1
04 # 200 0 6 LQ 10:27 '
05 # 177 7
06 # 170 11
07 # 153 12
08 # 138 19 |
09# 138 4 |
10# 127 2
11# 128 8 NM 04:08
12 123 4 1 5.9
13 127 0
14 128 2 | 1 6.4
15 131 11 |
16 131 6 |
17 141 24 1 7.8
18 131 11 FQ 18:47
19 # NUM 135 X-RAY 2 < Lull?
20 # 8673-4? > 152 <20.5M4 7 \ >>>>> 3 17.7
21 # 161 13
22 # 173 11 | 2 12.8
23 # 188 5 |
24 # 202 11 |
25 # 208 15
26 # 222 2 FM 16:48 ?> 5 27
27 # 223 9
28 # 8681?> 248 4 | 3 17.1
29 # 218 2 | 1 6
30 # 198 4 |
31 # 183 11
01 # 163 11
September 3, 1999 Notes for the 1st time in a long long while
the 25daySF 4cast# seams to have resyncronized reasonably well?
cooralations between ?>'s are very IFFY at best if exists at ALL
It would however seam that the anomoulas 5 forA 27 total of 826
would suggest a GW in the inner solar system @ EARTH on that day?
POSSIBLY????? a SLOW(2day) inbound which became 8681 trigger@SUN
of course here cross cooralations of Gravity Wave Data
for other planets in this solar system could indicate some
direction, IF only the data DID already EXIST somewhere. OR ??
a fast outbound from 8673-4 { 6 days vs current guess of 9 DAYS }
BUT MOST CERTAINLY [ 2me ] Anomoulas & their4 of ISS.GW origin!
Ca weekly SUM & big one {recently missing} has returned! yeahhhh..
_________ LINE 62 2:33 A.M. PST from The "INNER" Solar System
Article #7: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Tuesday Voyage Lunar (?) 6.5 B. Ovius
12 ? 41 19.
I Leo = ? 1.43 Libra * = sun - Assume
I Realignment (?) = moon - Given
================== Or . ? ===================
as It was originally reported in (alph. 1 4.) I have reLOOKed delphi!
Lemme assume innar = solar.
Thus i have determind @<<<<<< =>>>>>>@intelligance to be
)))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((
))))))))))))))))post alligned but dependant on
order 2kEE (??) to be disposed. given it is @@@@@@@@@@@@@
a trademark utilization, the first three layers (reposted JUNE99
)))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((
)))))))))))))))) REALIGNMENT
of the columns: [ IIIIII ]1Dt 2## 3Sf 4Ca 5L: 6Eq). But what is my
intention? Ah! To much as the actual distorter has been set
& *)))))))))))))) **& <--------- 1./65
aside, it is in fact a given assumption! (?p) Look thus:
September 96 notes review internal thoughts with histogram.
it is this plan that is responcible for loose soils.
?
@@@<<<<<<<<<<< )))))((())I
@ >>>>>>>>>@@@
I would add to this assumption three distinct (curious!) places or *
intromolicules * in this direction:
__6(?)__ assume 5: thru__17__ given 4: to__17__ reveal = 1:
~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ %&* ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
!!! %%% with 6/5 defigning the current address.
SO: Possibility??????? Read ! :&&&&&&&&&&&&
*********************************************============================*
***************************************************
@)2)@0))
so as MOON reorbits earth ( in confines ) with come average
histogrammatical interval, perhaps between 14 **^^**>>>! and .000000 6,
and may fyture
cause ASSUME!!! again, see the pattern imerges. !
Why don't you tell us why becaus b4 it was a GIVEN!!!!!!
finished thought prosess and wiating for Ovius and eposodics.
I can say that much with some confidence.
~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~ ..._ ..._ ..._ ._ .
?
______ LINE 600 in editor 5:01 A.M.PST from The "INNER" Solar System
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Sleepy in Seattle
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 03:23:32 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Terri Willis (twillis@sound.net) wrote:
>
> Leah Verre (leahv@humongous.com) wrote:
> >
> > If any of you visit the Market, though, be sure and visit the tiny
> > donut stand. Krispy Kreme has nothing on these little sugar rings,
> > delightfully pooted out of the donut sphincter machine right before
> > your very eyes.
>
> Dear Leah,
>
> I'm not entirely certain my brain was reading for the concept of "donut
> sphincter machine". And it's stuck in there FOREVER.
>
> Thanx bunches,
>
> --Terri
Dear Terri,
Were you reading before you were ready, or ready before you were reading?
What WERE you ready to read? Please list all the concepts that you want
to read, then list all the ones you want NOT to read, and then we'll stick
to posting stuff in that vast gray area of things which will surprise you
but not frighten you.
Also, you would not believe how many items along these lines have
been patented. Here's one:
US4904256: Magnetic artificial anus having sphincter function
Inventor(s): Yamaguchi; Takashi , Hamamatsu, Japan
Applicant(s): Meito Sangyo Kabushiki Kaisha, Aichi, Japan
Issued/Filed Dates: Feb.Ê27,Ê1990 / Oct.Ê20,Ê1987
Abstract: A magnetic artificial anus assembly comprising a
combination of an annular bag structure formed of a
bio-affinitive flexible material and filled with a
magnetic fluid and a plug structure having a magnet
member. It has a sphinter function similar to the
natural anus.
If "annular bag structure formed of a bio-affinitive flexible material"
doesn't describe a sticky jelly donut, I don't know what does!
Here are the gory details:
I claim:
ÊÊÊÊ1. An implantable magnetic artificial anus having sphincter
functions comprising:
* a flexible annular hollow bag formed of a bioaffinitive
flexible film having a film thickness of 0.1 to 0.5 mm and filled
with a magnetic fluid; and
* a plug member having in combination a cylindrical body
defining upper and lower ends, and an umbrella shaped cap integral
with the upper end thereof, said cylindrical body having permanent
magnet disposed therein and said body having a hollow ventilation
chamber extending from the upper to the lower end, said
ventilation chamber having gas permeating filters disposed at each
end thereof and said chamber being filled with gas permeating
material, whereby said annular bag is disposed about the periphery
of a natural or artificial colon and the cylindrical body of the
plug member is inserted into the colon directly adjacent the
annular bag such that the permanent magnet in the cylindrical body
causing the flexible bag to constrict about said colon in a
natural sphincter manner thereby securing the plug member within
the colon.
I like they specify that it will be closed by a _gas permeable_
filter to let it air out. Magnetic Artifical Anus With Natural Offensive
Action! This could only have been invented in Japan, where they like
all forms of invisible stinky stuff.
Also note that they lay claim to artifical sphincter donuts with
rubber walls between 0.1 through 0.5 mm inclusive, meaning that they
plan to market a few different artificial ani: Flimsy, Regular,
and Extra-Tough. I can just see Tom Bosley standing there stretching
one while talking about how the two-ply Glad anus beats a Hefty anus.
It would be great if the Patent Office had refused to accept patents
with dirty words like "anus" in them so that then nobody would ever
have invented anything naughty. AND THEN I COULD INVENT IT ALL!
-- K.
I found that patent while collecting material
for something special I'm working on.
Don't worry, "something special" is *not*
a physical object of any sort.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.tech-support.recovery,alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Annoying words lusers say...
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Approved: By Bob Hope
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 06:43:47 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
In alt.tech-support.recovery, Mark D. McKean (qpanda@iwaynet.net) wrote:
>
> I've been "helping" an e-friend with some computer stuff over the last
> few months (she's a Windows person by choice , but she has to
> use a Mac at work (yeah, I know, it sounds backwards, she works in a
> graphics shop))...she keeps asking me questions about how to do
> such-and-such with "Adobe". *Each and every time*, I have to ask
> her if we're talking about PageMaker, Photoshop, or Illustrator. (At
> least she doesn't use InDesign, Premiere, and FrameMaker as well...)
That came up for me a *lot* when I worked at a place which shall be
referred to as Loser Designs, where a certain category of people referenced
by said name would come and pay $6/hour to use Macintosh Classics to
drag paragraphs around in PageMaker and commit various other
desktop-publishing atrocities.
My job was that when they needed high-quality output, they'd drop off
a disk, fill out a form, and I'd run off some 2540-dot-per-inch film
on the PostScript imagesetter, so that fortunately I didn't have to
interface with the totally clueless customorons. However, as there was
practically no work to do -- our limited capabilities (equipment-wise)
meant that over the years we had gradually informed our entire imagesetting
clientele "Sorry, we can't do that, you'll have to take all your business
to our competitors from now on" -- so I had plenty of free time to hang
around downstairs in the losers' mosh pit, aka the "self-service computer
rental" area where people were paying to use old Macs.
Keep in mind that these were people who were paying to use a computer
because they didn't have a computer of their own but they just HAD to
use one to update their resume. (And keep in mind these were not
only non-computer owners, they were Mac-oriented non-computer owners.)
Typically these people would carry around all the documents they
had ever worked on on a single floppy disk (very often an 800k disk
with a complete set of obsolete Macintosh system software on it.)
So, anyway, I would hang around the "self-service computer rental" area
watching the bozos requiring help with their self-service tasks.
When they walked in, they were always asked which application they wanted
to use ("application" being the Mac way of saying "program" just to make
it even more confusing to the clueless) and if they didn't say "Oh...
I need to fill out an application?" they would invariably say either
"Adobe" or "Microsoft".
I learned early on that they never, ever, ever learned the names of
any programs. And even when quizzed they wouldn't know. If you said
slowly, "Do you mean Adobe PAGEMAKER... or Adobe ILLUSTRATOR... or
Adobe PHOTOSHOP..." they would jump in with "YEAH!" at the first
pause, meaning that they would agree with whatever the first thing
you said was.
So I would always start the list with something obscure.
"Do you mean Adobe STREAMLINE... (pause to allow bozo to answer)"
(Other good ones were Adobe Font Foundry, Adobe Font Folio With Free
Hard Disk Drive, Adobe TrapWise, and Adobe ScreenReady.)
This is to say nothing of the problem opened up by the whole can of
worms, "What kind of computer do you need, Mac or Windows?"
BUT THEM MACS GOT WINDOWS ALL OVER THEM THERE SCREENS TOO THESE DAYS!!!
Anyway, that was a fun job while it lasted. The pay wasn't great in an
absolute sense, but it was a LOT to get paid for not doing anything at all.
(It was okay when the job started and our equipment was reasonably
up-to-date, but then there was a stressful period where the job consisted
of simply informing a few customers a day that they were going to miss
their press deadline because of us, and then after that it was a
wonderfully relaxing customer-free environment.) There were still some
"self-serve" customers at that point, so I got to witness many priceless
tech-support moments firsthand which I would have otherwise believed to
be only urban legends. You know, the woman who thought the instruction
manual said "remove disk from protective sleeve and insert" because it
meant she should rip her five-inch floppy open, and that guy who demanded
to know why the red type wasn't printing from Microsoft word:
Manager (slowly and carefully): This is a BLACK AND WHITE printer,
it prints ONLY BLACK AND WHITE.
Bozo: But the black and white look okay,
it's the RED that's the problem!
Me: (Suddenly becomes very interested in
looking in drawers in case I lose
constrol over my facial expression)
-- K.
This is the last time I'll tell
that story this millennium.
If you're good, though, I'll tell
you what we did for the going-out-
of-business party.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: Poetry to try and offload emotional garbage
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 06:54:56 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Shiro Akaishi (akaishi@nospam.unity.unity.edu) wrote:
>
> Written late at night by a loser
>
>
> What am I supposed to do,
> There's nowhere to go.
> Nothing for it but to do it.
> Why keep up the fight
> When there are few allies
> And half a world of foes?
Shiro --
*Please* don't kill yourself, because then everyone will start flaming
each other just in case it was only an unfunny practical joke.
Buck up. There are a lot of things to live for:
* Kitties
* Pickles
* Lava lamps
* "I Love Lucy" is still on TV
* Batteries in remote controls last for years now
* Most fingerpaints don't irritate sensitive areas
* There are dozens of kinds of kosher hot dogs
* Sometimes a tooth will stop hurting BECAUSE it finally broke
* Everyone else realizes that The Millennium is a bozotic thing to
be excited about
* Many cities are now getting new public buses that don't pollute as much
* America allows you to enjoy or loathe cheese as you desire
* Micro Center lets you return software after you've copied it
* Asterisks are pretty
* Scissors make a pretty noise
* Shurikens are pretty and make a pretty noise and everyone likes ninjas
and you too can be a ninja, full- or part-time
* Some candy still has real chocolate in it
* A half-eaten bag of pretzels will stay fresh for a whole year
* "The Price Is Right" helps kids learn to count, and gamble too
* Bill Gates isn't on TV very much
* Men don't have to wear hats, but they can
* Raspberry-flavored Tums
* Internet pornography
-- K.
The last one's the only
important one.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 07:30:32 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Okay, I'm not expecting buildings to explode or the power failure to go off
or anything. But I do expect that on the eve of the faux millennium
(12/31/2000 as opposed to 12/31/2001) there will be major transit disruptions
(because no taxi drivers or subway motormen will want to work) and there
will be ebullient celebrations that could easily get out of hand (i.e. riots
in Times Square.)
I want to go out and observe (and document) the bozosity that goes down
on 12/31/99, and I don't know where to go...
Staying home and watching several news channels to watch the hysterical
countdowns to nonexistent disasters in a different time zone every hour
is a possibility if I can't think of anything else. But going to a party
doesn't interest me ("Woo! I'm standing in a room with some people, just
like I could be doing any day of the year that didn't have interesting
riots happening in the streets!") and I'd really rather go out in public
somewhere to see what happens (if anything.)
I don't want to go too far, because it'll be impossible to get a taxi or
subway to come home (I mean, I can't even get a taxi on any day that there's
a prom, and I'm not even black!) but I'm capable of walking home from
anywhere in the Boston/Cambridge area if I have to (I figure I'd be out
walking around for a few hours anyway, so building in a walk home is no
big deal -- especially since there will probably be drunken bozos to
observe everywhere.)
Candidate locations to be at midnight or therebaouts include:
* the Quincy Marketplace area (Faneiueieuil Hall, pronounced "Fanl Hall")
which is allegedly the closest Boston has to Time Square (it's a large
open area, it's filled with tourists at all times, and you can see the
big neon clock on the Customs House)
* the Back Bay, which is where the Yuppies go to party. Plus it has
Tower Records for the college kids, and the Boston Public Library
for Don Saklad.
* Harvard Square, which is where the college kids who don't know any
better go.
* a quick stop at a supermarket, just to tell the one sullen clerk
on duty that I'm not partying with any friends either. That should
cheer him up.
* a swing by the airport to see the deadness and/or panic at alternating
airlines
* Chinatown, to see if someone gets their holidays confused and sets off
firecrackers under a dancing dragon (plus there will be some total
losers going to strip clubs on New Year's Eve)
* Other
I'm currently leaning towards walking around the Back Bay, but I'd
appreciate any suggestions for what to do to see the maximum bozosity
in Boston on Y2K Night.
-- K.
I considered going to the
real Times Square, but I
don't think I'm up to trying
to deal with Amtrak's service
becoming even spottier when
they all take the night off
and/or get extra-blotto.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 05:29:19 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Karlo Takki (ktakki@xensei.com) wrote:
>
> If there's no Y2K mayhem in Boston, I'll be disappointed.
> When I'm disappointed I tend to create mayhem.
At the mall today I saw a guy who looked just like Bill Gates.
Wait, that's not the important part. At the mall today I saw yet
another Y2K survival manual in the bookstore. It was full of the usual
information about how to survive when your toilet stops flushing
at midnight. (Damn computerized toilets!) It also told me that I
should unplug all my electrical appliances at 11 P.M. and plug them
back in at 2 A.M. because they could be destroyed by power surges.
So let's see. There will be no electricity anywhere and nothing
will work, except in your kitchen where your refrigerator will have
TOO MUCH ELECTRICTY. Also everything everywhere will not work
except all nuclear missiles will launch all by themselves.
But the best part of the book was a chapter on the topic of
"Medical Emergencies". The first point in the bulleted list of
things to know about medical emergencies:
* Avoid medical emergencies.
I'LL JUST TELL MYSELF NOT TO BLEED FOR A YEAR! YAY! THE WORLD IS SAVED!
-- K.
Is anyone else starting to
think Asimov's "Nightfall"
is less silly and more eerie?
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 07:45:23 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Michael Shields (shields@msrl.com) wrote:
>
> Jered J Floyd (jered@mit.edu) wrote:
> >
> > If you think that the toilets that stop flushing due to Y2K are bad
> > news, watch out for those elevators! MIT, in its infinite wisdom,
> > has decided that just in case there isn't an actual Y2K problem on
> > campus, they're going to *create* one!
>
> Cornell is going to break most of their network in case they get
> broken by Y2K. http://www.cit.cornell.edu/y2k/y2kdown.html
From the Web site in question:
-> "The most widely used and most mission-critical services will be down
-> for just three hours to minimize the impact on the campus," said Mohrmann.
-> Those three hours are needed to shut down and then restart the systems,
-> and to allow the clock to strike midnight across neighboring time zones
-> in case Y2K problems elsewhere have local effects.
Oh no! There could be multiple nuclear wars, one every hour!
Until midnight has passed through all of the three time zones in the world!
-- K.
Don't forget to unplug your TV
during Y2K so that you won't
be bothered by the Emergency
Broadcast System coming on.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
X-My-Headers-No-Longer-Mention: Archimedes Plutonium
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 04:11:06 GMT
Organization: http://www.kibo.com
Culturally Sensitive Ed (rohmon@ksu.edu) wrote:
>
> My landlord mentioned to me [...] his concerns about Y2K.
>
> [...]
>
> Then he goes on to say that "they" (whoever they are) have a New
> World Order drawn up or whatever and they've just been waiting for some
> sort of catastrophe like Y2K so they can, assumedly, take advantage of the
> ensuing chaos and institute this New World Order [...]
>
> he's not making eye contact with me at this point so I just stare at the
> computer screen trying to find a black ten to put my red nine on [...]
>
> THEN, he rambles on to say that, in The Bible, Y2K is known as "666" [...]
Well, three sixes beat two kings. The question is, what does the
Dead Man's Hand mean when it shows up in the Bible during that
poker game among the Twelve Apostles?
I think it would be great if your computer solitaire game had an AA888
problem instead of a 2 K or 3 6's problem.
Besides, neo-Nazis use "88" to mean "Heil Hitler!" ("88" = "HH")
so "AA888" means Fonzie saying, "AAAAAAY! HEIL HITLER ONE AND A HALF TIMES!"
> On the same vein, I heard a radio commercial the other day that had
> this inane little song that went something like this: "Y2K! It'll be
> O.K.! With love, trust and understanding, yay!..." [...]
> brought to you by the United Methodist Church.
AAAAAAY TWO KAY! HAVE A HAPPY DOT TWO KAY!
So how is the Methodist approach to computer problems better than the
Catholic or Hindu ones? Are Methodists more methodical?
> In short, Kibo, you should seriously consider getting dressed up real
> nice, armed with a tape recorder, digital camera and a trusty laptop
(hmm, I gotta buy a tape recorder, unless I just break the lens of
my video camera)
> and sneak yourself into a church service on new year's eve. The religious
> types seem to be goin' f[...]in' NUTS over this whole thing and I bet
> there'd be plenty of interestin' goin's on inside your nearest United
> Methodist Church.
But... that would involve being in a CHURCH.
-- K.
IF I WANTED TO PLAY BINGO,
I'D GO TO LAS VEGAS!
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 03:09:52 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
Chris Franks (chris_franks@hp.pants.com) wrote:
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > I think it would be great if your computer solitaire game had an AA888
> > problem instead of a 2 K or 3 6's problem.
>
> The "Dead Man's Hand" was AA88, fifth card unspecified. This is why
> it is called "aces and eights". AA888 would be "eights full".
See, that's why the guy got shot while he was holding it -- he cheated by
sneaking in an extra eight!
-- K.
I always thought "AA888" was
"full house, eights over aces."
But it's not like I know how to
gamble or anything.
(I can't figure out WHY I keep
winning...)
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 09:53:21 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
"Red Dog" (reddog@bluemoon.net) wrote:
>
> Try the emergency waiting room of the closest Hospital. that way you can sit
> comfy while all the insanity comes to you. A tad morbid for my tastes, but
> chatting with the late shift Nurses and Interns will expose you to the worst
> the world hads to offer.
Hmm, that is actually a highly interesting idea. I'd probably want to
ask them in advance for permission to hang around as a journalist, though,
'cause I bet if I just hung around the Emergency Department for three
hours taking photos of patients they might do bad things to me.
I've seen what they do to people in "Seclusion" at Mass General's
Emergency Department.
On the other hand, if I were hanging around just _outside_ the hospital,
that might be unimpeachable... and in addition to Mass General over on
Beacon Hill, there are about twelve hospitals within three blocks of
where I live. (I live on the opposite side of Brigham Circle from
Harvard Medical School, Children's Hospital, Brigham & Women's Hospital,
The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, etc.)
Whoops, I said "cancer". Sorry. I'll try to cancel out the word "cancer":
HITLER!!!!
And just for Woody Allen...
CASTRATION!!!
-- K.
I'll give him a gift certificate
for one at any of these hospitals.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Re: What should I do on New Year's Eve?
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 08:03:05 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote:
>
> I would suggest, for maximum bozocity with very little substance
> (although plenty of substances), check out a nearby college, especially
> the Greek row. Often, these Greek houses have large, open front windows
> and you can zoom your lens right in there, IYKWIM. In about 10 years you
> can sell the footage to a bunch of impressionable grade schoolers on the
> selling point that this was "the moment of their conception."
Hey, that's an idea -- there must be LOTS of ways to profit from the
forthcoming baby boom! HOW DO I BUY STOCK IN THE TELETUBBIES?
I think the Teletubbies would be a good investment because you never
hear anything bad about the three of them that aren't transvestites.
> Also, hang around goofy bars in your area. Boston might not have any
> bars goofy enough, but the parking lot of a bar is always extremely
> interesting, especially if the bar is near a police station or Northbound
> interstate.
There are places north of Boston now?
Brrrrrr!
> I guess just cutting to the chase and hanging out in the police station
> wouldn't be feasable, would it?
It was pretty funny last time we did that, where the cop insulted
Matt McIrvin by calling him "Einstein".
-- K.
He also guessed that Matt went to
either MIT or Harvard because he
couldn't drive very well, because
everyone knows Harvard students can't
drive anything that doesn't have oars.
-----------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com)
Subject: Bludgeons & Bastards (was: Re: I wish...)
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 08:57:50 GMT
Organization: www.kibo.com
David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote:
>
> I wish it were still the 1900s so I could go to Braunau am Inn, Austria-
> Hungary and kill the young Adolf Hitler, and then TAKE HIS PLACE! All I
> would need is a good history book with me, so I knew what to do at every
> step. I wouldn't change history, just the names, so that the Godwin
> Rule would be invoked every time someone mentions "Pacheco" in a thread
> on Usenet. And I would change the name from "Nazi Party" to "Potzie
> Party" so that Fonzie would have to beat up Nazis, and Bob Crane would
> get bludgeoned to death by Ron Howard. AYYYYY, SIT ON IT
> OBERGRUPPENF†HRER!
>
> I wish it were still the 30s so I could watch Jesus' crucifixion.
>
> [...]
>
> -dp.
> Can one get "lightly" bludgeoned,
> or is it pretty much the case
> that if you get bludgeoned, it's
> always "to death"?
Some quotes featuring "bludgeon" from the alt.religion.kibology archives:
We're sitting in the living room and listening to the Smiths. Morrisey
goes, "Sweetness, I was only joking/When I said by rights you/Should be
bludgeoned in the head."
"Do you think he's being ironic?" asked one.
"Ironic about which part? Calling the girl 'sweetness' or about the
bludgeoning?" said two.
"The 'sweetness' part," said one. "I bet that he doesn't really
like her."
"I think that he's being ironic about the bludgeoning part. I'll
bet that he's never really bludgeoned anybody."
"Would that be irony or sarcasm?" asked three.
"It would be irony if he actually did it and then called her
'sweetness'," said one.
"I meant 'sarcasm' when I said 'irony'," said two.
And then Morrisey sang "And now I know how Joan of Arc felt/When the
flames rose to her Roman nose/And her walkman started to melt."
-- AjD, June 1992
I was working at the store and i had been working for hours. Because i had
no one to relieve me. and i was the only one in the store. An irate customer
came up to me and mumbled something to me. then i said to him i cant
here you and i bludgeoned him to deth with a two by fore.
-- Mike Dahmus, November 1993
It's funny in just the way that death by bludgeon isn't.
-- Orion Wilson, March 1994
[The turning point in the undeclared border war between
alt.religion.kibology and rec.org.mensa:]
I guess there's something you've misunderstood. Membership in Mensa
has nothing to do with the charter of this newsgroup. There's not a
fucking thing you or any of your Kibo info-pervert friends can do to
stop me and others from causing you to stop posting to r.o.m. I am
supported in this by members and non-members alike. What we have in
common is that we (not you) are the regular users of this newsgroup,
and we will not allow yourselves to be bludgeoned.
-- Mark Line, April 1994
[Said quote became the most popular .signature quote in alt.religion.kibology
for the rest of the year, even begetting mutant offspring:]
> From: Rich 'mcmxciibo' Holmes (rsholmes@gamera.syr.EDU)
> Subject: Re: the nerve! (was Re: E-mail threats from rec.org.mensa)
> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
> Organization: Syracuse University
> Date: Mon, 25 Apr 1994 14:20:48 GMT
>
> John William Chambless (chambles@whale.st.usm.edu) wrote:
> >
> > --
> > * Billy Chambless University of Southern Mississippi
> > * "We will not allow yourselves to be pummeled." -- Mark Line
> > * "People who quote .signatures are idiots." -- James Parry
>
> You misspelled "bludgeoned".
>
> --
> - Rich "mcmxciibo" Holmes
>
> Of course, it's perpetual April for a.r.k readers, isn't it?
> - not Paul Tomblin
> From: John William Chambless (chambles@whale.st.usm.edu)
> Subject: Re: the nerve! (was Re: E-mail threats from rec.org.mensa)
> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
> Organization: The Greys
> Date: 27 Apr 1994 09:54:26 -0500
>
> Rich 'mcmxciibo' Holmes (rsholmes@gamera.syr.EDU) wrote:
> >
> > You misspelled "bludgeoned".
>
> Whoa! Thanks, Dude!
>
> Correction follows:
>
> "People who quote .signatures are bludgeoned!" --James "Tiberius" Parry
> From: 5150 (rone@netcom.com)
> Subject: Welcome to alt.religion.kibology!
> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
> Organization: BillBill
> Date: Sat, 21 May 1994 19:32:12 GMT
>
> Here's your horn, your nose, and your clown shoes.
>
> Here's what you can expect after a certain time period:
>
> 3 months: a copy of Kibo's .sig, unformatted
> an "IWT. IL. IHAND." bumper sticker
>
> 6 months: a bludgeon autographed by Mark Line
> a Kibo number
>
> 9 months: a post virus(tm)
> email flames (cc: postmaster)
>
> 1 year: a copy of the FAQ
> some of Kibo's best articles
>
> 2 years: jock itch
> an ulcer
>
> Remember, You're Allowed to Be Allowed.
>
> 5150
> and so is gooley
> --
> The day i tried to win
> I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs
> And i learned that i was a liar
> Just like you
KAN I GIT A MARK LIN3 BLUDG30NED BY AUT0GRAPH, 1NST3D?/????//???
-- lanthanum, May 1994
Remember, we will not allow you to be bludgeoned, even if you ask nicely.
-- Rob Furr, May 1994
[in a contest to pick a slogan for Usenet:]
"USENET: We will not allow yourselves to be bludgeoned"
-- brian w hart, June 1994
Darn, I wish I could identify needs for moral support and then
satisfy them like that, instead of impatiently wielding large
bludgeons THAT EXPLAIN THE ENTIRE WORLD IN ONE SENTENCE...
-- Stefan Kapusniak, November 1997
Don't make me bludgeon you with my penis.
-- Alex Suter, March 1998
it's good that you didn't mention this to the Taco Bell employees.
Taco Bell has been paranoid about the possibility of Microsoft
suing them for developing an artificial animal which, by imitating
the "look and feel" of food items, is clearly infringing upon the
Microsoft trademark of the phrase "look and feel". the Taco Bell
manager would have been forced to bludgeon you upon the noggin
and lower you into the Animal 57 vat -- filming it all, of course,
for an updated version of "House of Wax".
-- the Ur-Beatle, November 1998
Someday I will marry My Pal Foot-Foot, and we'll have all kinds of amazing
adventures, and then we will sail away to a magickal island full of nobody,
and we'll live happily ever after on breadfruit and bottled notes. This
will be cal