Newsgroups: sci.astro,sci.physics,soc.history.science,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: History of Astronomy: Heliocentric; Aristarchus; AP`s ODYSSEY Date: Sun, 28 Nov 1999 07:47:05 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.astro, sci.physics, and soc.history.science, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Hello everyone (if I make more spelling mistakes than usual is > is mostly because the keys in Swiss and Europe are different > from USA in that for example, the "z" is where the "y" is) Sure... boyo. (Zou're a crayz, fuyyz-minded boyo!) > I am fine and well in Basel Switzerland, or what my blood-father > used to call Scheizwald. I do not know how or where CH or > Helvetica is ascribed to Switzerland. I guess the CH is for > Confederation of Helveticans, but I need to learn more about > words. And how to use an encyclopedia. Perhaps if you asked nicely we could show you one of the big people encyclopedias that's printed in normal-sized print and not in double-size Helvetica. OOH! OOH! LOOK! I SAID "HELVETICA!" I SENSE ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM IS ON THE VERGE OF FIGURING OUT THAT SWITZERLAND IS NAMED AFTER A FONT WITHOUT EVEN NEEDING TO LOOK THAT UP IN AN ENCYCLOPEDIA! > My tour through Europe is about 1/2 finished and I have about > 50 pages of notes to post to the Internet which will become > 100 pages when finished with the tour. And it'll seem like 200 by the time we're done reading it. > I was hoping that I could get access to computers along the way > in Europe and to post frequently but so far, only CH is free enough > to have computer access. Arch? Arch? Earth to Arch? There's this stuff called "money" that you can "buy" things with. Like computers. Unfortunately, you can't buy a brain. Well, not a working one. If you could, I'd say something insulting like, "HEY, ARCHIE, HERE'S A DIME, BUY A BETTER BRAIN!" but you can't, so I'll be polite and I won't say anything about your SPECIAL brain. At least, on the left side of this page. -- K. (Archie can't even DONATE his brain to science. The scientists keep telling him, "You can only donate a WHOLE brain, not that little shrivelled-up blob! Come back when your brain is only as icky as a normal person's!") ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Minister Denounces `Warped Toys' Date: Mon, 29 Nov 1999 05:42:45 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com The Associated Press wrote: > > HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- The playthings topping a Hartford > minister's annual ``warped toy'' list have gone from gross to > gruesome. > When the Rev. Christopher Rose began compiling the list in 1986, > most of the toys he targeted featured mucous or vomit. Yes, but what were they like BEFORE he spit all over them? > The themes have grown increasingly violent to include dolls with > severed limbs and cut-off human faces. GASP! DOLLS WITH ARMS THAT CAN BE PULLED OFF? WHO WOULDA THUNK IT!!! > ``At first I thought this was going to be a better year,'' said > Rose, the rector of Grace Episcopal Church. ``I was wrong.'' > The toy topping Rose's list: Curse of Spawn action figure Ryan > Hatchet, the bloody disemboweled corpse of a former high school > student. It comes with an ax/spear weapon, a shovel, a bendable > spine, a handful of bloody hearts and intestines and a small > plastic face that can be hung on its belt. This raises these important epistemological issues: - How many hearts in a handful? - How many hearts can dance on the head of a pinhead? - Can someone tell me what "epistemology" means? > Its maker, McFarlane Toys, did not return calls seeking comment > Saturday. After last year's list criticized some of his company's > toys, Todd McFarlane said parents, not censors, should decide what > their children should be allowed to play with. Yeah! That's all backwards and stuff! Censors should decide what kids should NOT be allowed to play with! > Along with the ``warped toy'' list, published Saturday in The > Hartford Courant, Rose called for a ratings system similar to that > used by the movie industry. You know, the one that prevented them from ever making any movies with any violence, sex, or swearing in them. > Most of the toys he lists already carry labels saying they are > appropriate only for children older than 5, but Rose wants stronger > warnings. Warning: Don't play with this toy or WE'LL FREAKIN' KILL YOU!!!!! > He said he had hoped recent school violence would temper toy > manufacturers depiction's of blood and guts. Most of the toys he > singled out he considers graphically violent, exploitive, > stereotypical or age inappropriate. Look! That guy bought a Teletubby doll for a twelve-year-old! He should go to jail for being so age inappropriate! > Among the toys on Rose's 1999 list: > --The Ice Man Cryogenic Lab, which includes drip tray, fake > syringe and other autopsy accessories and says on the box, ``Chip, > Carve and Melt your way down to the guts!'' Starring Brick Sloughton as Chip! Craig Duke as Carve! And Mickey Brick as Melt! Tune in this week to see Chip, Carve, and Melt Chip, Carve, and Melt their way INTO YOUR BRAIN! But I agree, this toy is too violent. It has MELTING. BAN THE CONCEPT OF CHANGING SOLIDS INTO LIQUIDS! > --The action figure Tormentor, described on its package as ``a > savage brute with no soul'' who ``lives to inflict torment, pain > and terror on others.'' Not to mention the vastly more evil action figure Sleezor, who lives to sell bad toys to others. AND... NOT TO MENTION THE ACTION FIGURE OF THE GUY WHO SELLS ACTION FIGURES OF ACTION FIGURES THAT SELL BAD ACTION FIGURES! > --World Wrestling Federation action figures Jacqueline, a > large-breasted, scantily clad woman, and Al Snow, which comes with > the severed head of a woman. That's only HALF sick because the second woman doesn't have large breasts, or a body. > Last year, Rose's worst offender was the wrestler action figure > ``Macho Man Randy Savage'' that taunts ``Is that all you got?'' or > ``Hey, you're basin' in my gut!'' when it is hit in the chest or > its limbs are twisted. THAT'S TWISTED! THEY SHOULD BE BASIN IN THE SINK! -- K. I was going to say something about Richard Pyror 'basin in his face, but I don't make sick jokes. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Crowds, prices, Y2K bug threat dampen millennium party ardour Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 07:27:18 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com For the AFP wire service, Louis Nevin wrote: > > PARIS, Dec 1 (AFP) - Millennium Fever, widely expected to mount > as the end of the year looms, has so far failed to make a great > impact and event organisers are frantically scaling down their > ambitions amid fears of a fiasco. OH NO! THE Y2K BUG HAS DESTROYED THE POSSIBILITY OF ANYTHING EXCITING HAPPENING IN Y2K! > Surveys and opinion polls in several countries reveal a distinct > lack of public enthusiasm for extravagant festivities as the way to > herald the new millennium, with large majorities declaring that they > will stay at home and celebrate among friends. Actually, I think the large majority of people who take time to participate in wire-service opinion polls will spend Y2K day at home PRETENDING they have friends. > High prices, fear of crowds and concern at possible travel > disruption caused by the "millennium bug" are among the most > frequently cited reasons for preferring a low-key approach. And confusion about where to stand to get the best view of The Millennium Bug flying through the sky once every 76 years. > A poll in the US weekly Time magazine found that 72 percent of > Americans have as yet made no plans to party on December 31, and > only one person in five said they would be celebrating on a larger > scale than in a normal year. Well, I shall certainly be partying down. LOOK! I CAN DO SARCASM WITHOUT NEEDING TO MAKE A SMILEY! > In Canada, only 37 percent said they had anything special lined > up. In Britain, more than 50 percent will be staying at home. In > both the Netherlands and Poland, three-quarters of those questioned > said they would be celebrating with family or friends. The Dutch will celebrate by smoking _tobacco_ for a change. > As a result, various events planned around the world are being > cancelled or scaled down. > In Washington, organizers of the New Year's Eve event on the > Mall, the esplanade which stretches between the Lincoln Memorial and > Capitol Hill, are now planning for only 100,000 people, compared > with projections of 600,000 only two months ago. Why, at this rate, the prediction will be down to 5 people only two years from now! > A "Los Angeles Millennium Show" will now not take place, nor > will several events that had been scheduled in Canadian cities. But no events _ever_ occur in Canada. Unless you count moose walking through the towns. > In India, lavish festivities scheduled to take place at the > Khajuraho temples, in Madhya Pradesh state, have been cancelled. I was going to say "But what about the lavash festivities in The Land Of Flat Bread?" but I decided not to because it was a really feeble pun-like effort, which was too bad because I would have liked to have said that because nobody would get it because who the hell else knows the word "lavash"? > In Britain, where six billion pounds (10 billion euros, dollars) > have been invested in millennium-related events, the Tourist Office > now says it expects "lots of people" to gather in the streets of > London on December 31 rather than the three million it had touted > earlier. The Millennium Dome is expected to earn back its cost sometime between 3000 and 4000 AD. > Offers of Millennium Eve specials by London's swish hotels, the > Ritz, Savoy and Dorchester, costing between 3,000 and 8,000 pounds, > have had a take-up rate of between 60 and 70 percent. Enough about the swish hotels -- what about the whoosh hotels and the zowie hotels? > "There was massive enthusiasm for millennium celebrations at the > start of the year, but it seems to have fallen away," a spokesman > for the Ritz said. THAT'S THE WAY THE RITZ CRUMBLES! Excuse me now while I re-enact some of the famous vaudeville routines of the Ritz Brothers. [Kibo goes into the next room and does some stuff for a while.] There, now I'm back. > Pricing has been part of the problem from the beginning. THE Y2K BUG IS OVERPRICED!!! > In France, seven out of 10 restaurants have raised their prices > for the traditonal New Year's Eve blow-out, with an average hike of > 73 percent compared with 1998. In Paris prices are up 110 percent, > compared with 56 percent in the provinces. > Now the industry is reporting a sudden loss of appetite among > the French public. Mental image: Hordes of French people running around whining, "Eww! Everything BUT snails is gross!" > In the United States, the National Restaurant Association says > its members are so far only half-booked for the closing night of the > year. And the National Bakery Association is complaining about being half-baked. > Tour operators too are reconsidering their pricing policy, in > Europe as in the United States. Oh no! Y2K could bring a premature end to Archimedes Plutonium's tour of places that aren't near where I live! > Faced with the low take-up of their exorbitantly priced > end-of-year offers of visits to such as exotic locations as > Rovaniemi, Father Christmas' supposed lair in Lapland, northern > Finland, or cruise-liner excursions in the Antarctic, they are > suddenly cutting back prices by as much as 50 percent. Golly, the sudden price drop makes me even MORE likely to visit the extreme northern end of Finland. <-- THIS WAS SO SARCASTIC I ALMOST USED A SMILEY! PLEASE STOP ME BEFORE I SMILEY AGAIN! > Those who would rather sit out the event this time round, or > spend it quietly at home, will be able to celebrate the millennium > in style a year later in Cuba. The only part of the world to not be destoryed in Y2K, due to the fact that Cuba doesn't have any computers or electricity or cars made after the birth of William Frawley. > President Fidel Castro, accurate to a fault, Yep, that's his biggest fault. He's just too honest to be a good Communist dictator. His second biggest fault is that he couldn't get onto an American baseball team because he wasn't as good as Joe Shlabotnik. > has informed his fellow citizens that no special festivities have > been planned this year since the third millennium does not commence > until January 1, 2001. I wonder whether the people in Israel consider The Third Millennium to start in 2000 or 2001. -- K. Shouldn't Lorne Greene be making his big speech about peace with the Cylons about now? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Posting from Germany;Darmstadt & CERN; AP's Science Odyssey Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 06:07:17 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In soc.history, soc.history.science, talk.politics.theory, & talk.religion.misc, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > [...] > > I would say that Germany is the Japan of Europe, or perhaps > Japan is the Germany of Asia. GENIUS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GENIUS!!! -- K. Also, Japan is the largest peninsula in Europe. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Blood Pressure in unrestrained rat Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 06:25:49 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In sci.bio.ethology, "JanCzek" (janczek@aol.com) wrote: > > Subject: Blood Pressure in unrestrained rat This is my favorite Subject: header of the month. I know that Al Haig was Deep Throat, but who was Unrestrained Rat? > MEASURING BLOOD PRESSURE OF THE UNRESTRAINED, UNHEATED RAT NO NEED TO HEAT RAT! READY TO EAT! NOW WITH FUDGE BROWNIE! (serving suggestion) > We have been able to overcome two basic drawbacks of non-invasive BP (M,S,D, > HR) measurements (NIBP) in laboratory rat, which are: > A.Heating animal above room temperature to increase circulation in the rat's > tail, and B. squishing all of the rat except the tip of its tail in a hydraulic vice to increase circulation in the rat's exploding tail. > B.Placing rat in the restrainer during measurement. > In our system measurements are performed in 20 degree C. room temperature > and rat is not restrained in the animal holder. I'd like to see the people sitting around Carolina Biological Supply thinking of these things. "How about an Animal Holder?" "Can we make it a clip-on?" "Yes!" "I know, let's sell an Animal Holder in a choice of colors to match our Rat Dispenser!" "Wow! This'll sell even better than the new Long-Range Polytron With Laser Targeting Sight!" > These two factors eliminate basic BP measurement errors, common in other > systems, which are due to the stress inflicted on animal during measurement. > We have been able to measure non-invasively BP of unrestrained and unheated > rat using Columbus Instruments, "Respiromax" NIBP Computer. Method involves > two small cuffs, one for tail occlusion I think I had that after I ate all those dried strawberries and then drank a glass of water. The experience completely ruined my enjoyment of the Jar Jar Binks Tongue-Shaped Lollipop later that evening. > and second used as a microphone to sense blood pulsation. Thin air tubes > lead from the "Respiromax" NIBP Computer via swivel to the tail cuffs > placed on the rat's tail. Then, the D-rings on the leather parachute harness are attached to the telescoping universal joint on the Venus Butterfly sling, and the Violet Wand is connected to the TENS unit so that -- whoops, excuse me, I thought this was a different newsgroup. Sorry. Let's go back to talking about something wholesome like rat bondage. > Specially designed filter minimizes artifacts from animal movements, but > unfortunately, the reliable BP measurements are still only possible during > the short periods when animal is resting. When making single BP test on > multiple animals it takes usually 2-3 min to obtain reliable first > measurement on each new animal. Measurements are automatic under computer > control. HOORAY! SOMEDAY ALL RATS WILL BE UNDER COMPUTER CONTROL!!! > User has a choice to use restrainer for prolonged BP monitoring without > close supervision. IT FITS OVER HER MOUTH!!! > Let me know if you like more information about this system. Yes, and also, I would like more information about a system for giving hemorrhoids to amebas. -- K. Also, I think someone out there still needs help quenching autofluorescence in nudibranch brain. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: materials expanded by LASER Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 06:52:21 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In sci.materials, Hideyuki Kanematsu (i45280a@cc.nagoya-u.ac.jp) wrote: > > Hello All!! > I am looking for some materials expanded by absorbing LASER beams. I sense an episode of "Science Fiction Theatre" coming on. (TRUMPET FANFARE. PAN ACROSS A SCIENTIFIC LABORATORY WHICH IS FILLED WITH SALAD BOWLS, SALAD TONGS, SALAD DRESSING SHAKERS, AND OTHER SALAD EQUIPMENT. THE SCENE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN FILMED IN BLACK AND WHITE AND LIGHTLY COLORIZED ALTHOUGH THIS IS JUST BECAUSE IT WAS FILMED IN COLOR VERY BADLY. A DAPPER GENTLEMAN WITH AN IMMOBILE FACE ENTERS.) TRUMAN BRADLEY Good evening. I am your host, Truman Bradley. If you'll follow me to my workbench, I'll show you something incredibly fascinating. (HE TAKES ONE VERY SMALL STEP TO THE LEFT, AS HIS WORKBENCH IS NEXT TO HIM ON THE TINY SET. HE CAREFULLY LIFTS A PLASTIC SALAD BOWL OUT OF THE WAY AND STANDS A TOY ROBOT ON THE WORKBENCH. THE ROBOT FALLS OVER AND TRUMAN STANDS IT UP AGAIN.) TRUMAN BRADLEY For decades, Man had dreamed of conquering robots. The most obvious means to render robots harmless is through an innovative new technique suggested by eminent phrenologist Doctor Wilson Bryan Key, inventor of the space microscope. Doctor Key has observed that it is possible for objects to become so big that we cannot see them, so that they become, in his words, "superliminal". But how can we make robots bigger so that they become harmless? Scientists at Bell Labs have invented a form of light that can make things bigger. It is called a Ell Ay Ess Ee Ahr, or "laser" for short. "Laser" stands for "Light Emission Through Amplified Stimulation of Radiation." Let's observe our laboratory laser in action as we aim it at my mechanical friend here. (TRUMAN PICKS UP A DINER-STYLE SQUEEZABLE KETCHUP BOTTLE WITH THE WORD "LASER" DRAWN ON THE SIDE. HE POINTS IT AT THE ROBOT AND SQUEEZES IT. A WHITE STRING SHOOTS OUT JUST FAST ENOUGH THAT IT IS STILL OBVIOUSLY JUST A STRING. THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON THE ROBOT, MAKING BOTH THE ROBOT AND THE WORKBENCH BIGGER, AND BLURRIER.) TRUMAN BRADLEY You see, this laser has caused the robot to expand. If this had been a more powerful laser, this robot would have expanded to the point where we could no longer show it on this program. However, it is one thing to perform this real demonstration on a simulated robot in my laboratory. Nobody has as yet used a laser to make an actual, living robot grow to enormous size because only some materials expand when hit with laser rays, and nobody knows what real robots are made out of. One man's quest to determine what robots are made of is the focus of tonight's story. A story so chillingly real that it COULD happen... TOMORROW. (TRUMPET FANFARE. TITLE CARD: "THE GROWTH LIGHT".) DeFORREST KELLEY Perhaps if I add an aluminum circuit to this chromatic oscillator... WOMAN Honey, do you want some coffee? DeFORREST KELLEY Darn it, wife, I told you never to interrupt a scientist at work on Mankind's greatest problem! WOMAN Yes, dear. I'll come back after you've saved us from the robots. DeFORREST KELLEY I would get much better radio-frequency transmission if I straightened out this coil... the Blyden Effect... (THE FORTY-SEVEN-YEAR-OLD KINESCOPE FILM BREAKS. EVERYTHING GOES BLACK FOR TWENTY MINUTES.) TRUMAN BRADLEY That was an exciting story, now wasn't it? Exciting and... POTENTIALLY TRUE! TOMORROW! (TRUMAN PICKS UP THE AUGUST 1952 ISSUE OF "SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN" AND HOLDS IT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE, TO PRETEND HE IS READING IT AS HE CONTINUES SIGNING OFF.) TRUMAN BRADLEY Won't you join me next time for another exciting adventure from the worlds of fiction and... (echo effect) SCIENCE? Good night. ANNOUNCER (voice-over) The scientist was played be DeForrest Kelley. The woman played herself. (CUT TO CARD READING "A LEMPEL TELEVISION PRODUCTION". TRUMPET FANFARE. FADE OUT.) -- K. I could watch this all night. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Genetic Food Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 07:12:01 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In rec.food.veg, "Hampster Surfboards" (MrHampster@webtv.net) wrote: > > Subject: Genetic Food I would certainly never eat any food that had anything genetic in it! As a result my diet is restricted to healthy foods such as Pop Rocks, Pixy Stix, Lik-M-Aid, and Candy Bubbles! > Im interested in articles on this. I have just started looking into > Genetically Altered and Manufactured foods, cheese, grains, soy,breads > etc... Dear Hamster Using A WebTV, You are quite right to look into cheese. Cheese is icky and should be investigated. In fact, the government should spend its entire national budget on the problem of figuring out what the deal is with cheese. If you are just beginning to look into cheese, I suggest first looking into Swiss, because it's got holes that make that easy. > I heard the tale end of a newd story saying that even garbage > animals(Racoons etc) will not eat these altered foods and they are bad news. WebTVs let you get nude stories? Cool! Maybe I'll have to buy a WebTV. In fact, I really do seriously want to get myself a WebTV. Whoops, wait a minute, I forgot to switch my brain on this morning -- *CLICK* Eww! WebTV! WebTV bad! Everything else in the universe good! Except cheese! CHEESE IS LIKE WEBTV! > I have aarticle on my site below under health. Please e-mail > with any info--especially lists of GM food and/or ways of finding out > the ones that are made this way. GM food consists entirely of live rabbits as Pets Or Meat. > What a drag, we think we are eating healthy and these rich bastards are > poisining us. Yeah! Let's all use our Microsoft WebTVs to protest about all these rich bastards who let us give them our money! > Thanks Tinker > > > > http://community.webtv.net/MrHampster/SurfTalk SHORT SHAMEFUL CONFESSION: I bought a WebTV Plus for my mother last month. However, it was easy to call "1-800-GO-WEBTV" to cancel service (and demand my money back from Sears the same day) after we confirmed that, yes, they do suck to high heaven. But I will say good things about "1-800-GO-WEBTV" -- on the main menu, one of the items is "Press 3 to cancel your WebTV service." So, I apologize for having briefly tainted my credit card with the purchase of a WebTV. -- K. Someday there really WILL be a little WebTV just for hamsters. It'll clip onto the bottom of the water bottle.