Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics.relativity From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 08:26:46 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: nyg.fpv.culfvpf.cyhgbavhz Myles L Skinner (mskinner@lucia.acsu.buffalo.edu) wrote: > > George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > PRIVATE NOTE TO EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE EXCEPT GEORGE "CUBEY" HAMMOND: > > > > > > Vg'f bxnl, sbyxf. Hfrarg3 vf fnsr nf ybat nf abobql gryyf uvz gur > > > frperg zvyxfunxr. Whfg xrrc cergraqvat gurl bayl znqr rira-ahzorerq > > > Hfrargf nsgre gung bar jurer QrSbeerfg Xryyrl qvrq ng gur raq. > > > > hx jvid vxvml,sj > > (typed with keyboard upsidedown) > > Qrne enivat snaf: > Cyrnfr qb abg unpx hc guvf guernq jvgu > uvtu fpubby pnsrgrevn fglyr bar yvaref. Jr nyjnlf xarj ur jnf glcvat jvgu uvf xrlobneq hcfvqr qbja. Ohg jung unfa'g orra erirnyrq hagvy abj vf whfg jung ur'f qbvat jvgu uvf zbhfr. (V qba'g xabj ubj ur tbg gur pbeq guernqrq guebhtu nyy gubfr xvaxf va uvf fznyy vagrfgvar jvgubhg hacyhttvat vg.) -- K. Hacyhttvat gur ZBHFR, V zrna. V'q ungr gb frr gur zrff jr'q unir ba gur Vagrearg vs Trbetr Unzzbaq rire hacyhttrq uvf vagrfgvar. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics.relativity From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 06:12:49 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: g.e.o.r.g.e.h.a.m.m.o.n.d.n.e.e.d.s.p.e.z In alt.religion.kibology and sci.physics.relativity, George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > You guys should stop posting this crap to SCI.PHYSICS.RELATIVITY > and keep it on Jimbo's NG.... the scientists on RELATIVITY are > going to get pissed after awhile and make trouble for you. I am > not posting any further to this discussion. Get lost. So that would be, what, the THIRD time you've promised you're leaving forever? Are you getting frequent-fibber miles? Do you get a free sandwich or something when you get to a dozen? > TRAWL: Serious scientists don't play computer-101/Header-games So why do you keep adding "alt.religion.kibology" and "sci.physics.relativity" to the headers? > [...] > > There you go Mr. Kookity Rookity Dukity. Dear George Hammond, Please do not hacka racka sacka sis boom bah up this thread with high school drool cool fool schizophrenia cafeteria style clang-a-rang-a-bang assocididdilations. -- K. Gb shegure rqhpngr Ze. Unzzbaq, V jvyy grnpu uvz ubj gb ernq EBG-13 gur zbzrag ur znxrf tbbq ba uvf cebzvfr gb arire gnyx gb nal bs hf rire ntnva. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics.relativity From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 07:40:42 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium Blackhawck (blackhawck@my-deja.com) wrote: > > George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > > > It's explained on my website.. but you have to have > > a bona fide degree in science to understand it > > Mr. Ruken Dukin Kookin. > > > > [...] > > > > I've got two college degrees in Physics that says I > > do.. thus proving you an Academy Liar. I've already proved > > you wrong.. the proof is on my website. We're past talking, > > we're already enlisting draftees for a political army based > > on the scientific proof of God, for the purpose of getting > > loudmouths like you put back into uniform where you belong. > > Greetings from another Usenet newsgroup. Hello, from the same Usenet newsgroup! > It may be completely obvious to the members of sci.physics.relativity, I think it is, because none of them have been talking to George "Cubey" Hammond lately. I think they've noticed that he hangs around with some bozo who has a made-up religion named after himself or something. > but Hammond is prone to "invent" credentials and claim expertise > when needed to "win" an argument. Your theory is fallacious because it implies Hammond has once "won" an argument, and I can't believe that no matter how many quotes you put around it. I don't even think he could win an argument with Bert on "Sesame Street". BERT: Cubey! You shouldn't eat cookies in your bed! CUBEY: Oh. Well, then I'll eat cookies in YOUR bed! BERT: No. CUBEY: Waah! You are fraudulating your headers which can get you thrown off the Inertnet just like Hitler, and also I have more imagininary degrees than you, Bert! BERT: No. CUBEY: Waah! You won't even let me have my nonexistentical degrees! BERT: Good night, Cubey. Zzzzzz... (MUSIC: "Womp, Womp, Wa, Wa") > I saw and started responding to him on another newgroup some time ago. > The conversation was going rather well - no anger, no insults, no infantile > quibbing - until I recommended some modifications that would improve > his website. I don't think it's necessary to recommend any _specific_ modifications, any modifications at all would improve his Web site. > Basically, he took any suggestion that he did not know something about > the Internet as an insult and then claimed expertise. Cool! I'm gonna make him claim SO much expertise... -- K. If Cubey wants to pretend he has a bunch of degrees, he could just join the Masons. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.relativity,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 06:35:40 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: george.hammond.has.fleas In sci.physics.relativity, George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > George Hammond wrote: > > > Talking to yourself is a sign of impending mental collapse. Quoting yourself doubly so. Quoting yourself not saying anything, well, that's off the bottom of the Bozo Scale minus the bottom of the Hubbard Tone Scale multiplied by the power of the bottom layer of a six-year-old bottle of V-8 to the power of the bottom of the Batcave's guano-filled septic tank. > I have had difficulty posting this to sci.physics.relativity because > of all the forged headers emanating from alt.religion,kibology You spelled "alt.religion.kibology" wrong. Hope this helps. > that are being posted on this NG, So stop posting them! > so I'll try to post it again here off of one of my own posts: > Look, let me just make one serious statement about this situation > before I leave off this conversation: > The PROBLEM is this. There are two kinds of people on the > trail of God: Sane ones and the ones who post to alt.religion.kibology and sci.physics.research about it over and over and then throw a hissy fit when the only attention they get comes from the silly group. > 1. People who have above average development and great social > experience (with some adversity) who have DISCOVERED GOD VISUALLY. > Of course the problem is that they DON'T KNOW IT'S GOD. Well, God should wear a nametag then. "Hello, My Name Is ___GOD___". > [...] > > 2. At the other end of the spectrum, you have the scientists. > They KNOW a lot, but they can't SEE anything (all logical theory). There is no need for your callous mockery of blind researchers, many of whom have made sizable contributions to the hard, soft, and dark sciences, such as Hellen Keller, James Thurber, Homer, Ray Charles, and Ludwig van Beethoven. Please apologize to all of those people and then poke your eyes out as punishment for mocking them. > [...] > > HOWEVER, you happen to be talking to a guy here who SPEAKS > BOTH LANGUAGES. I'm sorry, but silly and stupid aren't languages. > I can not only see it just like you, but also I am a physicist and > know it just like them. You wouldn't know physics if it dropped an apple on your head. > [...] > > 4. The structure is entirely Relativistic therefore. > X,Y,Z,t CAUSES E,N,P,g. I'm sorry, but you're still barking up the wrong tree with your attempts at cracking ROT-13. Also, why are you barking up a tree at all? The tree's got its own bark. Try barking down an alley or something. > [...] > > Interestingly, post Kingdom Come, the 4th order factor will > go to zero (God "descends to Earth" as they call it), but > the 3rd order factors remain non-zero.... in other words there > will still be "political parties" (i.e. a Right and a Left) In the future, there will also be an Up and a Down party, and In and an Out party, and two fourth-dimensional parties who can only be voted for by pulling the voting lever in a direction that makes your hand disappear. > [...] > > As you can see.... there is NOBODY on the face of academia, > either Psychologist or Physicist who can understand or > comprehend this... It would save a lot of time if you'd just write that on the outside of the envelope next time you mail your manifesto to an editor. > because each is ignorant of the others expertise. I am like the first > man to learn both languages of two large alien races. Cool! Was Jack Sarfatti your instructor at the Klingon Language Camp? -- K. Ur'f whfg wrnybhf orpnhfr ynfg jrrx V geniryyrq guebhtu gvzr ba gur HFF Ragrecevfr sbe bayl $16.50 va Ynf Irtnf naq gurl qvqa'g yrg uvz orpnhfr ur qvqa'g zrrg gur erdhverzragf bs "Gb Evqr, Lbh Zhfg Or Nf Fzneg Nf Guvf Fvta." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics.relativity From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 07:31:20 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: scooby.dooby.cubey Nick Bensema (nickb@fnord.io.com) wrote: > > George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > > > Simple 4-dimensional Cartesian structure can't be muddled > > by Rookin Dukin Academy's 11-dimensions of compactification > > of beernuts either. > > It's times like these I wish I put quotes in my signature. Well, a solution would be that from now on whenever you want to say anything on the Internet, you could just find that article by Cubey and post a followup. I'm tempted to do that, except it would be hard to think of something really clever to say in ROT-13 every time just to guarantee he wouldn't catch on to what we REALLY thought of him. -- K. V fgvyy jvfu gur AFN unqa'g chg gung frperg "onpx qbbe" vagb gur EBG-13 nytbevguz. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.relativity,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 06:28:32 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sex.bondage.particle.physics In sci.physics.relativity and alt.religion.kibology <--- (HUGE NEON SIGN HERE) George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > I've never posted a single message to alt.religion.kibology, I had this weird dream where I was reading this article by George Hammond in alt.religion.kibology and it said so on my screen and everything and it even had a Message-ID of (38B0C387.68F81689@mediaone.net) and then I realized it couldn't possibly be a dream because you can't see Message-ID's in dreams. I learned that from "Batman: The Animated Series." So, George, you may want to have your computer checked. It's apparently got little robotic arms that come out of the keyboard so it can type "a l t . r e l i g i o n . k i b o l o g y" on itself just to make you look like a bozo who doesn't even know which groups he's posting to. Furthermore, it's obvious that you're going out of your way to deliberately post to alt.religion.kibology because the "Followup-To:" headers on my articles don't mention alt.religion.kibology (or sci.physics.relativity, for that matter.) Either the robotic arms are typing "alt.religion.kibology" or you are. I will assume that your computer is magically doing it all by its wonderful self, because not even you would be as stupid as to go out of your way to post everything you write to newsgroups that think you're a pinhead. Have you considered that perhaps alt.religion.kibology is not devoted to the serious study of crackpot science theories about cubical brains? You my try at.sci.physics.new-theories. The people over there are MUCH less likely to be bozos than the people in alt.religion.kibology and will love you unconditionally. > Look, let me just make one serious statement about this situation > before I leave off this conversation: Hey, you're leaving forever? For a fourth time? Cool! Be sure to send us a postcard because I'm sure you'll be back here in time to watch it get delivered, and we'll be able to reminisce. "Welcome back, Cubey! Hey, look, here comes that postcard you sent way back when you left forever for only the fourth time!" > The PROBLEM is this. There are two kinds of people on the > trail of God: It's God's fault for having that hole in his pocket that left the trail of Cherry Pez (the food of the gods.) > 1. People who have above average development and great social > experience (with some adversity) who have DISCOVERED GOD VISUALLY. > Of course the problem is that they DON'T KNOW IT'S GOD. DOGS DON'T KNOW IT'S NOT GOD! -- ROGER BACON > [...] > > 2. At the other end of the spectrum, you have the scientists. Ah. So, presumably, you're in a third category. > [...] > > HOWEVER, you happen to be talking to a guy here who SPEAKS > BOTH LANGUAGES. And yet who can't master the intricacies of "To which newsgroup am I posting?" and "How do I read the headers of my own article before I click the 'send' button?" > [...blather elided...] > > The 2nd order Poincare offsets which originally CAUSE > E,N,P,g are of course structural like the 4-legs of a horse and > will remain forever else the society could no "walk" as it were. > These 4-quadrants account for Matt, Mark, Luke and John, the > 4-Gospel historical personalities who will continue to guard > the 4-quarters of the society permanently. > END DIALOG > > As you can see.... there is NOBODY on the face of academia, > either Psychologist or Physicist who can understand or > comprehend this... because each is ignorant of the others > expertise. I am like the first man to learn both languages > of two large alien races. You're also the first person to have a one-person dialog that ends in the middle of the dialog. You might want to look up the word "dialog" and the word "end" in your dictionary. Also the word "dictionary". And some other words you might like to use, such as the word "duh". -- K. Zber bs n qhu-n-ybt guna n qvnybt. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.relativity,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 06:47:50 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: sci.duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh In sci.physics.relativity, George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > Chris Hillman (hillman@math.washington.edu) wrote: > > > > George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > > > > > I've never posted a single message to alt.religion.kibology, > > > > (Sits up and wipes tears of laughter from eyes) > > > > You just posted the SAME message FIVE TIMES to alt.religion.kibology, > > George! Well, he said a SINGLE message, not a quintuply-spammed message! > Those nuts on alt.religion.kibology fraudulate so many of their > headers it's hard to tell where a message will go when you respond. Exactly what is the degree of fraudulatency of a header, George? > I don't have time to read a Netscape instruction manual.. I just expect > everybody to act sane and normal like me. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A WINNER! THE OFFICIAL BUMPER STICKER OF THE INTERNET IS NOW +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | I don't have time to read a Netscape instruction manual.. | | I just expect everybody to act sane and normal like me. | | -- George "Cubey" Hammond | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ By the way, George, if you're having trouble with your Netscape, it's because all the scientists on sci.physics.research took a poll and they asked Alexander Abian to add the two of us to his Usenet Global Kill-File. You will need to have your name removed from Abian's Global Kill-File otherwise all your posts will be automatically deleted from sci.physics.research within a month instead of being available forever. To get in touch with Dr. Abian, I suggest you go over to sci.chem and ask his friend Uncle Al to introduce you. > Anyway, I'm outta here.. That's SIX! > I've got to spend a few months of hard study in Relativity.... That's an unusual name for a mental hospital. > because: I've discovered that the Poincare translation, Oh, I thought some French guy discovered that. > the Lorentz stretch and other fun exercises involving equipment invented by Suzanne Somers > [...] > > Anyway, if I get stuck on the Relativity studies I'll be back, NO, REALLY? I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING FOREVER JUST LIKE LAST TIME! > but in the meantime I'm going to lay off Usenet Yeah, find somewhere else to lay around. > and see if I can shake the posse that's following me Potsie is following you? You should be able to lose him by going into one of those night clubs where they don't allow nerds. You know, like the Hard Rock Cafe. Then he'd have to go over to MIT to the Miracle of Science cafe. They've got a protractor on the wall! > by laying low for awhile and doing some serious math. We'll miss your silly math. > If I have to post some mathematical questions to > sci.physics.relativity in the future maybe I'll turn in the > asbestos suit and use an AKA to avoid the flame-throwers. > George So long, Cubey. Good luck with your new nickname, Cubey. Bye, Cubey. -- K. V jbaqre vs Phorl pbhyq rira znfgre gur vagevpnpvrf bs EBG-mreb. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.relativity,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Lorentz transform of facial expression..? Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 06:16:15 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: sci.hcem George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > Please stop posting non scientific trash to > sci.physics.relativity But all my trash is scientific. Here's the bubble wrap my electron microscope came in, an Erlenmeyer flask filled with hardened sludge, and some dead rats with exciting new kinds of cancer. -- K. C.F. Lbh zvffcryyrq "xrrc vg bhg bs fpv.uprz, sbby." ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Live lobster arcade game lands firm in hot water Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 08:31:46 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Brian Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > My extensive lobster scout rescue brigade tells me that this particular > game can be found right here in the states at a place called Dick's Last > Resort. They have locations in Boston, San Diego, and elsewhere in the US. > > http://www.dickslastresort.com/where.htm > > Kibo needs to take pictures. Drunked out-of-town college students are always asking me directions to it. I usually point them vaguely in the direction of a one-way street that would lead to it if only it went the other way, and drop a subtle hint that it HAS AN UNUSUALLY OBVIOUS NAME FOR A GAY BAR. -- K. Also, it's right behind the Boston Public Library. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Al Karprielian Rules Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 08:45:04 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com John J Devine (JJDEVINE@prodigy.net) wrote: > > Hi, > > Was reading a post referring to Al Karprielian. All I have to say that if > there is anyone to get weather from, it is this guy. Most of the other > "weather people" out there are just actors. I*dare* you to say that about Al's friend Marty Angstrom! Matt McIrvin does a wonderful impression of him at parties, except Matt never quite acts awkward enough. Matt needs to learn to be more awkward. I have a tape of a Bucky Lewis Christmas special where Bucky talks to Marty and Al all on the same screen at the same time and it's SO MUCH LOCAL WHATEVER-THE-OPPOSITE-OF-TALENT-IS THAT MY TV SCREEN EXPLODES whenever I watch it, which is about once a year (usually nowhere near Christmas.) > Al is the real thing. Weather is his thing. > > Even though I'm not from New Hampshire, I wish I was, so that Al's weather > would mean something to me. Still, I try to watch him as much as possible. > > Also, Channel 50 is the only TV station left (in the US) that has > competitive candlepin bowling on. I hate candlepin bowling for three reasons: (1) Several years ago, when "ReBoot" was new, Channel 5 kept pre-empting it for candlepin bowling without telling anyone. Sometimes they'd just pre-empty the first half. Sometimes just the last half. (2) As I've said many times before, candlepin bowling is a weenie game. Here is an actual diagram: PINS (actual size) | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | _ | | | | | (_) | | BALL (actual size) Know that trigonometry exercise where you keep throwing toothpicks on the floor and compute the value of pi from the number that touch a crack and break your mother's back? Well, the probability of that dinky little weenie teensy ball touching any of twiggish pins is considerably lower than the probability of the toothpick falling on a crack, even if you drop the toothpick from orbit. (3) No Serious Bowler would ever bowl with the free balls they have lying around the alley. (Most of them have lady-sized finger-holes, anyway.) A Serious Bowler will buy their own ball for normal bowling. However, for candlepin, the Serious Bowler is required to buy a box of FOUR balls even though they are only ever allowed to use THREE balls in a candlepin frame! This is a bigger ripoff than when they decided to make hot dogs come in packs of 59 and buns in packs of 61! -- K. Candlepin bowling was invented by Martin Luther, which supports my theory that Lutherans aren't good at sports. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Mmm mmm mmm. Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 08:52:41 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Peter Willard (petew@drizzle.com) wrote: > > Nick Bensema (nickb@fnord.io.com) wrote (and then Peter mangled > the attribution line): > > > > WHY HAVE I BEEN DENYING MYSELF FOR SO LONG? > > > > Carrots are great. > > Yeh. I *found* carrots last October. Now you people know how I feel when I discovered hot sauces that weren't as lame as Tabasco. However, you should forget hot sauce and carrots and most other foods and bow down before my new Nutrition Trapezoid Of All Foods Ever: +-----------------------------------------------+ \ ALL FOOD SHOULD BE BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR. / \-------------------------------------------/ \ EXCEPT FOR CHERRY PEZ. / \---------------------------------------/ Notice there is no layer of cheese in my Nutrition Trapezoid Of All Foods Ever. You may mail my Nobel Prize to: Me. Thank you, and bonap a teet! -- K. Does anyone else think Julia Child is married to Mr. Rogers? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Mmm mmm mmm. Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 07:53:06 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Pope Emperor FrogMaN (popellus_frogmannus@lart.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) spelled out in toothpicks: > > > > bow down before my new Nutrition Trapezoid Of All Foods Ever: > > > > > > +-----------------------------------------------+ > > \ ALL FOOD SHOULD BE BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR. / > > \-------------------------------------------/ > > \ EXCEPT FOR CHERRY PEZ. / > > \---------------------------------------/ > > > > > > You forgot the bacon group. No, it's in the top half. Never had razzleberry bacon? It's got salted drupelets! > And the Cadbury Mini Eggs group. Your right, I went out of my way to forget those. -- K. Cadbury Mini Creme Eggs are used in a revolting form of perverted sexual competition, but only by midgets. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Mmm mmm mmm. Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 10:04:56 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Nick Bensema (nickb@fnord.io.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Notice there is no layer of cheese in my Nutrition Trapezoid. > > Last night the topic of your hatred of cheese came up, and I think you > should answer to this. > > Does your no-cheese rule include pizza? > > IT'S PIZZA! COME ON! Everybody eats pizza! I bet they even eat pizza > in Japan, right Beable? I've had a horrifying pre-packaged Japanese "pizza" mix that made a squid- flavored fritter, topped with seaweed and mayonnaise. Eww. The best Japanese pizza is the kind with the creamed corn on it. In answer to your question, NO CHEESE, EVER. Pizzas with lots of meat are quite good that way. Crumbled sausage, bacon, pepperoni, Chinese sausage, venison, whatever. Avoid Uno's "cheeseless plizzeta" which seems to be aimed at people who don't eat cheese but like pickled artichoke heads. -- K. Also, cheeseless White Castles are the only good kind. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Mmm mmm mmm. Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 07:13:51 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Shiro Akaishi (akaishi@unity.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > In answer to your question, NO CHEESE, EVER. > > Sir, I wish to bring to your attention a recent "Behold the power of cheeese" > commercial in which a popular political candidate refuses cheeese, and is > suddenly ostracized violently from society by mill workers carrying cardboard > signs saying "Real Men Eat Cheeese" on them and tipping over a charter bus. > This has caused great confusion in my fragile little brane [...] If you look closely at that commercial, you will see that it prominently features Bob Dole. Thus, they're trying to subliminally brainwash us into eating those damn cheese-and-pineapple "Hawaiian style" pizzas. If you think pineapple is gross on pizza, I encountered a haircurling convenience food in Las Vegas: Little cans of cold tuna casseroles that you're supposed to eat cold (world's stubbiest spork supplied.) I tried the "Tuna Tex-Mex" flavor, which was cold tuna and cold beans and cold rice in cold tomato sauce, and it was disgusting. They also have a "Tuna Italiano" (the same thing, only with pasta shells instead of rice) and... horror of horrors... "Tuna Tropical", which is cold tuna plus pineapple. Blecccccccccccccccccccccch. Hmm, my most recent computer upgrade appears to require me to hold down the "c" key for about ten seconds before it starts reproducing "cccccccc" because this new operating system is trying to bleccccccccch-proof the Internet. Also it moved all my file icons around because it knew where I wanted them better than I did. -- K. Computers suck, but I'd rather use a computer than eat cheese. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: My, what, fifth post? Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 08:55:24 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Nick Bensema (nickb@fnord.io.com) wrote: > > [in a series of articles caused by the munchies] > > I've posted so many posts this weekend. CAN I BE STOPPED? > > I DON'T THINK SO. > > WHITE CHOCOLATE IS GOOD, AND I HAVE A BAG OF VERY CUTE PUFFED CORN AND > CHEEZ BALLS. It's official. You have just become the new reincarnation of Archimedes. -- K. Your new job at the Dartmouth kitchen will have a generous three-cent pay increase ever year until you win the Nobel, at which point it becomes five cents. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: South Park movie up for Academy award Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2000 09:05:38 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > Jaffo (jaffo@jaffo.com) wrote: > > > > In this [alternate] reality, Matt McIrvin is funnier than Kibo, > > Ted Frank bags groceries at Super-K, and Jaffo is a crossdressing > > hairdresser from Iowa. > > Please. I bagged groceries at National #14 on Gen'l DeGaulle Highwway in > Algiers, LA. > > *And* ran the laser-scanner. [begin Thrice-Told Tale Times Ten] In the late 1980s I sort of bagged groceries at a Great American outside Schenectady, except they never actually let me bag groceries because I had to unclog their toilet nine times a day and gather up mountains of rancid cottage cheese that were lying in their parking lot of some reason, and then they'd yell at me for not responding to their requests for me over the loudspeakers which were only audible where the customers were allowed to go and not near the clogged toilet or the dunes of clotted cheese. When they suddenly had to lay off half the employees due to severe financial mismanagement (i.e. HQ found out they'd been violating their budgetary restrictions, the state found out they'd been violating labor laws, and the inspectors found mounds of moldy cottage cheese in their parking lot) I profusely thanked the manager for firing me. And since then, I have formally refused any job which involves any of the following: (a) orange double-knit polyester vest (b) purple clip-on bow tie (also made of double-knit polyester) (c) piles of rancid white slime in an outdoor environment (d) five cents an hour above minimum wage unless you take the AFL-CIO initiation fee into account (e) senior citizens catching me sweeping the parking lot at 6:57 A.M. and complaining that we're not open yet because it's plenty late in the day and besides the sign says "OPEN 24 HOURS" (f) toilets -- K. and (g) watermelons ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,soc.libraries.talk From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: BPL Minotaur's Maze Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 07:26:13 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Don Saklad (dsaklad@zurich.ai.mit.edu) wrote: > > Boston Public Library > BPL Press Release > Home Page | Search | Contact > > February 15, 2000 > Back to Press Releases Back to News, Events, & Exhibits > > Navigate the "Minotaur's Maze" at the Boston Public Library > > Artist Kelly Kaczynski will turn the Boston Public > Library (BPL) into the "Minotaur's Maze" in April. > > Sponsored by Visible Republic, a new public art > program in Boston, the "Minotaur's Maze" is a winding > labyrinth installation using the story of the Minotaur in > Greek mythology. > > Library visitors can walk through the maze and confront > choices that determine their pathway. > > Using sculpture, curious forms and familiar objects in a > tactile, playful environment, Ms. Kaczynski guides people > through the maze by introducing character turns and plot > twists from the Greek myth. I saw a couple of women in Cretan masks with frighteningly large eyes re-enacting the Minotaur story around the corner at Back Bay Station a couple hours before the Y2K Bug destroyed civilization, way back two months ago during Boston's "First Night". At the time, I thought to myself, "How nice, someone put a lot of work into dramatizing that swell Minotaur legend and they had enough grant money left over to buy all those cloves of garlic I had to walk around to get into the subway station," but little did I realize that the main Cretan lady was wearing that mask because SHE WAS THE UNABOMBER! -- K. Until now, I thought Don was. P.S. I wonder how many dozens of times a day she's sick of being teased about her name. Hmm, that would be something I could get a grant for: I could change my name to "I. P. Freely" and carry around a stopwatch to see how many seconds I can go without being tired of people making lame jokes about my name. Also I'd write all the jokes down and use 'em on Archie Plutonium. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.econ,soc.history,talk.politics.theory,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Overpopulation is the primary cause of all wars Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 07:40:32 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.econ, soc.history, and talk.politics.theory, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > If you were to tell the British, French, Germans and Russians, > right now, that all their newborn children cannot have any > bananas, > nor oranges, nor chocolates in their lifetime, then, they will bring > about and fight a WW3. I'm sorry, Archie, but you can't trick us into giving you chocolate to keep you from blowing up the world. Get your own candy! -- K. Also, I think having no bananas would just lead to a wacky vaudeville musical number, not the end of civilization as we know it. (I am being generous here, Arch, in my assumption that you know civiliation.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Top this! Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 07:49:24 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Durian-flavored Citroma. Top that! -- K. You're probably wondering why I've been thinking about how vile Citroma tastes. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Top this! Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 07:23:59 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com David DeLaney (dbd@panacea.phys.utk.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Durian-flavored Citroma. > > > > Top that! > > Hey, I found this "S" on the floor - I think it fell out of your post! Thank you, LetterMan! I am saved! Also people think you're suddenly more worth watching just because you had heart surgery! Where was MY spike in popularity last year when I was hospitalized and force-fed their fountain Citroma? > You're probably wondering why I've been thinking about how vile > Citroma tastes. > > Dave "...No, I'm wondering about something -entirely- different right now. > Would Thursday be good for you?" DeLaney I swear that I am actually drinking Citroma as I post this, and I swear it's because of the same random medical condition that has struck me for the second and hopefully last time (NOTE TO SELF: NEVER EVER EAT ANY MORE DRIED FRUIT, EVER) and the medical encyclopedias on the Web say that this condition occurs only in toddlers and "demented adults". -- K. Lemon Citroma is almost drinkable when you dilute it to 1/4 strength, I won't quote what the medical encyc said about the problem of the "lazy rectum", and tune in tomorrow to hear Spider-Man tell JoAnne Worley, "BWEEP BLORP BEEEEYOWP!" This has been a production of the Children's Television Sweatshop! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.tv.knight-rider From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: US TV show 'Baywatch' struggles to stay afloat Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 08:04:17 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Teg Pipes (teg@fruitfly.berkeley.edu) wrote: > > BTW, was _Team Knight Rider_ different from _Knight Rider 2000_? > I could never find the latter. "Knight Rider 2000" was a TV-movie where David Hasselhoff played David Hasselhoff and a red Ferarri played KITT, and it took place in the distant future year Two Thousand, which was like the present day except all scenes took place in a shopping mall, and the police had phasers instead of lame guns that don't make sparks and KITT had an "aromanometer" which kept malfunctioning so he would think random people smell like criminals and he electrocuted Star Trek's James Doohan (in a walk-on role as "Star Trek's James Doohan") for no reason. Also because it's the distant future, to punish criminals, President Quayle puts criminals into cryogenic chambers for a few years so that they'll sleep right through their punishment and wake up fresh from committing their last crime but they'll be easier to catch when they commit their next crime because the police will have even cooler guns. I swear the above is a faithful transcipt of everything I can remember happening during that tragically stupid TV-movie. It was followed by "Knight Rider 2010", which was one of those "Hey, the world got blow'd up, so that means we have to drive around in a pickup truck in the desert for two hours without doing anything whatsoever," which appeared to have been filmed under another title before someone remembered they were under contract to produce another "Knight Rider" TV-movie so they slapped a "Knight Rider" title on this unrelated piece of tedium. Our hero, the usual scruffy three-day-growth loner bad-acting action hero one gets whenever an apocaplyse happens, had a 1950s Ford pickup truck and his dead girlfriend was stored on a holographic crystal that could be played back by the glove compartment, and the crystal was teardrop-shaped and had a little hole at one end where the clever prop guy had pulled it off some restaurant's chandelier. I swear they really aired that and the thing really had the hole in it. Also nothing else happened except for there being a hole in the thing. "Team Knight Rider" happened a few years after those. -- K. I was so disappointed they never made "Knight Rider 2020", where Barbara Walters would hunt down Andy Rooney in a lawless wasteland that looks like a basement. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.tv.knight-rider,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: US TV show 'Baywatch' struggles to stay afloat Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 11:43:55 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.tv.knight-rider, "Kirks" (kirks@uswest.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > "Knight Rider 2000" was a TV-movie where David Hasselhoff played > > David Hasselhoff and a red Ferarri played KITT, and it took place > > in the distant future year Two Thousand, which was like the > > present day except all scenes took place in a shopping mall, and > > the police had phasers instead of lame guns that don't make sparks > > and KITT had an "aromanometer" which kept malfunctioning so he > > would think random people smell like criminals and he electrocuted > > Star Trek's James Doohan (in a walk-on role as "Star Trek's James > > Doohan") for no reason. Also because it's the distant future, > > to punish criminals, President Quayle puts criminals into cryogenic > > chambers for a few years so that they'll sleep right through their > > punishment and wake up fresh from committing their last crime but > > they'll be easier to catch when they commit their next crime because > > the police will have even cooler guns. I swear the above is a > > faithful transcipt of everything I can remember happening during > > that tragically stupid TV-movie. > > Well I swear the above is a faithful transcript of a very bad memory. > You really need to watch Knight Rider 2000 again before you can give a > summary, and it might help for a CORRECT summary! Try again. Excuse me, did I say "red Ferarri"? I meant to say "pink Ferarri". Sorry. -- K. Also I forgot to mention that "Knight Rider 2010" was a ripoff of "The Postman", except that it didn't have the Postman in it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.tv.knight-rider From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: US TV show 'Baywatch' struggles to stay afloat Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 04:12:30 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Schwa Love" (schwa242@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Teg Pipes (teg@fruitfly.berkeley.edu) wrote: > > > > The original Knight Rider pretty much sucked rhino balls. I remember > > thinking that it sucked when I watched it for the first time, and > > I was NINE YEARS OLD then. My other favorite shows were Manimal, > > that Ninja show, the Greatest American Hero and the A-team and I > > STILL thought that Knight Rider sucked. > > Knight Rider sucked UNTIL they introduced Michael Knight's evil twin brother > (you could tell he was evil because he had a mustache) Garth. Goatee. Sure, he had a stick-on mustache too, but goatee trumps mustache. Plus the other way you could tell them apart was that David Hasselhoff acted all cold and unemotional and not his usual zany self. > who drove KITT's evil twin vehicle, which I believe was a large mac truck > (which disguised it's evilness by having no mustache). KARR. A black Trans Am with a blinking yellow light where its voice vame out instead of a blinking red light. You're confusing KARR -- KITT's Evil Twin, who fell into the ocean and drowned in an early episode and then drove out again in a subsequent season -- with Goliath, the giant black truck that Michael's evil twin Garth used to run over KITT, marking only the ninth time KITT was completely destroyed and rebuilt from scratch. (My favorite was the time they dropped KITT in a vat of acid and dissolved him.) However, Deven never had an evil twin. He did turn into a ghost and bother that nice Mrs. Muir lady, and while he was a ghost he also visited Apollo on "Battlestar Galactica", which is why I maintain that both "Knight Rider" and "Quantum Leap" were derived from "Galactica" (CORA in the episode "The Long Patrol" was KITT only even more feminine, and Edward Mulhare in that other episode was clearly Dean Stockwell only with more trouble keeping a straight face. Also he had the power to turn people's clothes white by touching them, just like the knight in the fifties detergent commercials.) > Then it really sucked. You also forgot Bonnie's evil twin April, who replaced Bonnie because Bonnie wanted more money, but then April also wanted more money so they replaced her with Bonnie, or maybe I got that backwards, but you get the idea, and they also did the same thing on Viper where they replaced Jeff Kaake with some other schmo and then they replaced the other schmo with the original schmo. "Viper" was better than "Knight Rider" because it was a real car you could actually buy (Kelsey Grammer rolled his) while "Knight Rider" just had that made-up imaginary car that didn't look like any real cars. I mean, it had a few extra light bulbs in it. > I liked the episode where they drove into each other a lot. I liked the episode where KITT used his Turbo Boost to jump over a card that had a ramp left behind it, and they put a commercial break in the middle of it. Wait, they did that in every episode. As a kid, I wasn't bothered that "Knight Rider" featured the same stunt posed the same way and filmed the same way and edited the same way every episode, or that "CHiPs" also did one stunt over and over (a car goes up a ramp hidden behind a car parked in the middle of a freeway, rolls over, falls off a cliff, and explodes three times) but it did bother me that the one stunt on "Knight Rider" was vaguely similar to the one on "CHiPs". Also all the other cars on both shows were either parked or tooling along even more slowly than the ones Adam West used to drive past at Benny Hill speed. -- K. And THAT'S why I started that write-in campaign that got Fred Silverman to cancel "Knight Rider" in 1986. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: New study confirms Internet for lonely loOzers Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 08:16:18 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Sean Smith (smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > But working at a computer store, a fast-food joint, a video-rental place, > > or a supermarket can't possibly hold a candle to certain other jobs where > > you would encounter problematic bozos: > > > > [list snipped] > > > > Here's my new rule of thumb: For any given job, either all the customers > > are bozos, or else all the employees are bozos, but not usually both. > > > > Is it possible, though, that the customers may not necessarily be > intrinsically bozotic, but become that way upon entering the premises > of a commercial building? I worked for a few months in a grocery store > in the west of London [...] and was responsible for the most important > sections of any given British food market: tea, coffee and breakfast cereals. Whose responsibility were the dinner cereals? > Now, I know that "grocery store" didn't make your list of High Bozo Quotient > Places of Employment, but I tell you, people who might've been perfectly > reasonable otherwise began spouting all manner of conspiracy theories to > me when they saw what the store charged for Weetabix, or their favorite > brand of tea. Oh, I guarantee you, I think grocery store customers are bozos -- look up all my articles that contain the words "Prudential Star" and "DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR" for some choice examples -- it's just that when I worked at the grocery store, the store's management personnel were all operating at significantly higher levels of bozosity than the customers or even I was. > These theories ranged from the involvement of the IRA to proof that the > Common Market was run by descendants of Napoleon, Hitler, and anyone else > who had ever envisioned conquering Britain. The little circled (K) on food means it's been tainted with a substance that causes pregant women to give birth to Kibologists. > The fact that I was an American probably didn't help. Was it the fact that you were an American... or a Communist? YOU AMERICAN COMMIE YOU!!! > I did also work briefly as a bartender -- which was on your list -- > while in Britain, but my Most Memorable Bozo was an elderly woman who > played the pub's fruit machine for a solid hour every other day, and > afterward would invariably try to convince my boss that it was broken > because she never won enough to offset her losses. This is why they have "MALFUNCTION VOIDS ALL PAYS AND PLAYS" signs on all the slot machines in the USA. "Hey! This machine didn't pay off like it was supposed to!" "Then it's malfunctioning, which means you must be punished. You lose!" Here's another occupation where you have to deal with lots of bozos: Public bus driver. Except in Boston, where the public bus drivers are the insane, incompetent, and generally under-the-influence ones. In any OTHER city, public bus drivers have to deal with half-wits who sit in the front right seat and talk to the driver all day about their collection of the little dots they punch out between postage stamps, but in Boston the drivers are all so nutty that they don't even notice Don Saklad sitting there. -- K. I liked that guy who made a right-angle turn in the middle of the bridge over the river. And the one who kept pointing out green fires only he could see. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: New study confirms Internet for lonely loOzers Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 08:20:43 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Sean Smith (smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu) wrote: > > A recently released study indicates that if you spend too much time online > and not enough having conversations with real-live people, READING ANY MORE > alt.religion.kibology POSTS LIKE THIS MIGHT BE REALLY UNHEALTHY AND MAYBE > MAKE YOU DO BAD THINGS!!1!! I travelled back up the thread and am making this extra reply to Sean's article because, a day or two ago, I heard this report summarized on my very own tee-vee, and I always believe everything the idiot box says about the dangers of staring at any OTHER kind of screen all day. They said that people who use the Internet a lot had a 13% chance of being less likely to interact with other humans in person. Doesn't that mean the Internet makes you MORE likely to have a social life, if we assume that everyone has a different amount of it before and after radically changing their lifestyle to accomodate forty hours of computer time every week? 13% had less social life, so 87% had MORE! -- K. FROM NOW ON I'M GOING TO USE THE INTERNET 24 HOURS A DAY TO MAKE MY SOCIAL LIFE AS AWESOME AS POSSIBLE! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: New study confirms Internet for lonely loOzers Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 07:16:17 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Beable van Polasm (beable@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Sean Smith (smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu) wrote: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > a day or two ago, I heard this report summarized on my very > > > own tee-vee, and I always believe everything the idiot box says > > > about the dangers of staring at any OTHER kind of screen all day. > > > > "Tonight on Seven News: Staring at the computer screen too long -- > > will YOU shoot your eye out?" "Before someone ELSE does?" > STOP THE THREAD! STOP IT NOW! I thought it said: > "New study confirms Internet for lonely LOBSTERS" Well, it is. They're putting WebTVs in lobster tanks now because they can't be cruel to lobsters any more like with that arcade game where you control a giant claw that you use to gently pick up and/or crush lobsters. > and I was hoping to have a nice crustaceal experience, > but NO! You just have yet another thread about stupid > old HUMANS! Hey! Not everyone here is old! > > > less likely to interact with other humans in person. > > > > I looked at this real quick and at first thought it read "less likely > > to interact with other humans in prison." > > The InTeRnEt is DANGEROUS! You can go to JAIL for > using the Internet! Look, buster, on the Internet, you go to jail for saying that anyone else could go to jail! Fortunately, I have a REAL "Get Out Of Jail Free" card that President Nixon gave me during the drug war. (I've always wanted to do a TV show about a guy with this special card that is not only a License To Kill but is also a License To Do Anything He Wants. He'd roam around breaking laws just to make the police cry.) > > Some Coffee Company, in which he emphasized that in taste tests with a > > competing coffee, 45 PERCENT said they liked the brand for whom he was > > shilling. It sounded so good, he repeated it later on: 45 PERCENT. Was > > the ad appealing to the non-conformist lurking in us all? Did they > > figure we wouldn't , or couldn't, do the math? > > But did they say how many people liked the OTHER brand? > Maybe only FIVE PERCENT of people liked the competing > coffee. Maybe they did the survey in Jolly Old England > where NOBODY likes coffee because they all drink TEA! I'm shocked and dismayed that the number wasn't exactly 50%, which is always is in these taste tests because, let's face it, all beer tastes the same, all coffee tastes the same, and all cheese tastes the same. The only things that taste different are different brands of canned chili and different imitations of Dr. Pepper. > > I don't know: If you keep saying long and assertively enough that > > Rhode Island is bigger than Texas, maybe people will buy into that, > > too. > > I might. "Trees in Rhode Island cause more pollution than the cars in Texas." -- RONALD WILSON REAGAN 123456 123456 123456 > Can we go back to talking about lonely lobsters now? Do 50% of people say they taste better or worse than lobsters who don't use the Internet? -- K. I'm a well-socialized lo0zer. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: New study confirms Internet for lonely loOzers Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 06:13:24 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Peter Willard (petew@drizzle.com) wrote: > > The real study was all sad and stuff because people weren't making as many > phone calls and, especially, they weren't watching as much TeeVee. As we all > know, if you don't watch TeeVee, Bad Things happen1!! Presumably the study was funded by Citizens Concerned That People Think They're Weird Because They Watch Lots Of TV All Day And There's Nothing Wrong With Liking "Sesame Street" Because It's Still Funny After You Grow Up It Doesn't Make You A Sissy Or Anything You Got Some Problem With That? > Hey! .pdf version available! > > http://www.stanford.edu/group/siqss/Press_Release/press_release.html Oh, it figures. A study on The Evils Of Computers would be released in digital-book format. I bet they're using PDF version 4 just to force me to buy a Pentium 4 to read it. My favorite highlights of the best of the parts I enjoyed the most: > > The least educated and the oldest Americans are least likely to have > > Internet access, but when they do use the Internet, their use is similar > > to others. If you can ever say a WebTV is "using" the Internet. > > Most Internet users use e-mail, and undoubtedly have increased their > > "conversations" with family and friends through this medium, he said. > > "E-mail is a way to stay in touch, but you can't share a coffee or > > a beer with somebody on e-mail or give them a hug," he said. This is a tragedy because everyone knows that communicating with people is bad while drinking beer is good. This is also why it has become illegal to write letters or send telegrams. (World War I was caused by the invention of the postcard.) > > For the most part, Nie said, the Internet is an individual activity > > " It's not like TV, which you can treat as background noise. > > It requires more engagement and attention." Sorry, I forgot what I was going to say. Are you people still here? > > "Everybody is going to be a user soon, and access is growing by > > successive birth cohorts. " Nie said. Not to mention birth co-hosts. When Conan O'Brien was born, he had to have an ingrown Andy Richter removed! > > [...] chat rooms are almost exclusively used by those under age 30. I forget, how do reporters define "chat room" again? Oh, that's right, everything on the Internet is a "chat room". And every page is a "home page". And we're all "nerds"! (The camera zooms in on the words "SIT ON IT!" and "DON'T TRUST ANYONE OVER 30!" written on the wall of the virtual-reality bathroom, then everyone does "The Twist" for a while.) > > Television has consumed a much bigger chunk of people's time than > > newspapers, however, and so it is in greater competition with the Internet > > for time, he said. "If you spend two or three hours a day on the net, > > those are two or three hours you don't have for watching television," > > Erbring said. "You can't surf the web and watch TV at the same time." "Because YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID!" Also, this conclusively proves that you will never be able to see TV via the Web, because that would involve using a computer and watching TV at the same time. You also can't operate a VCR while watching TV. It is FORBIDDEN by SCIENCE. -- K. I should point out that the author of this press release doesn't know how to work her computer's spell-checker, since she uses words like "Iinternet". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: is Penrose a crackpot? Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 07:02:47 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.physics and alt.religion.kibology, jddescript_deja@my-deja.com wrote: > > Bruce Scott TOK (bds@rzg.mpg.de) wrote: > > > > Interesting to see these conspiracy comments in the midst of a > > discussion about mathematics, isn't it? One should know that these > > always do damage to one's credibility, even if they are right! > > Very cute! You and the cat guy [wasn't nero a cat guy also?] > attack the messenger and ignore the message. Excuse me, JD, but you're not following the Internet rules. If someone is demonstrating you to be a bozo, you're supposed to say that Hitler liked cats, not Nero liked cats. This is because Hitler is the only bad guy who is allowed to be used on the Internet (rights to reproduce all other bad guys electronically are owned by the Corbis corporation, but Hitler is public domain because he's so evil that he can't be copyrighted.) > The Cambridge Conspiracy [CC] that suppressed the HV [Hamilton > Visualization] for 150 years has been identified here and your > response it to try to associate the messenger with a rabid socialist Hitler. You forgot to say "Hitler". > that is the political arm of the king's men of science[KMS]. You > probably have never heard about rothschild and the Spycatcher > and the Cambridge Five king's club of socialists. Okay, I haven't, but I bet YOU haven't heard about the conspiracy to contaminate edible underwear with baby powder! Or the conspiracy to secretly replace old TV shows with different TV shows! HA! I made up two imaginary conspiracies and you only made up one! This means I am TWICE as great a scientist as you and I deserve a DOUBLE-SIZE Nobel prize! > Very clever! but just part of the free people process of > discovering the truth. How about NOW attacking the message, > or is that too difficult, as Chris Hillman has attempted with > the help of the Altman book. Chris, you're the only person I know who can disprove wacky Internet crackpot theories with a copy of the script for "Popeye: The Movie." > KMS credibility is a high priced commodity when evaluated by the > standards of the LIME [Look In the Mirror Effect] of the FPS > [Free People Spirit]. WDYBEMUAIYDTETYUT [Why Do You Bother Even Making Up Acronyms If You Define Them Every Time You Use Them], B [Bozo]? -- K. Is it just me, or has the Y2K Bug caused a long-anticipated influx of New Mad Scientists on the Internet to replace those we miss from the 1900s, such as Alexander Abian? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: IHBT by Hollywood Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 07:46:40 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com [I will avoid quoting all of David Pacheco's excellent piece of bad science fiction about quantum physics just to quote on half a sentence and one letter in it] David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > SCHRODINGER'S LOBSTER > A Morality Play You left out the "t" after the "r". > [...] > > Schrodinger half-ran, half-stumbled to the door, ...because he was half-dead all day, every day! -- K. Also he was simultaneously straight and gay, which is different from being bisexual and simultaneously the same as being bisexual! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: experiment of the day Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 09:11:48 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com l'AFP reported on an important scientific breakthrough: > > [...] according to an experiment in which a batch > of befuddled rats was sent into space. Oh, swell, clueless rats get to fly on the Space Shuttle for free while smarter, better-than-cluelesss-rat people like me have to PAY. The article goes on to explain the scientific value of this research: > The rodents were first trained to walk around a three-dimensional > track in which they had to make three 90-degree turns before coming back > to the starting point -- rather as if they were going around the famous > surreal staircase of Dutch artist M.C. Escher. This is important because in the future rats may have to live inside Escher lithographs. -- K. And worms will have to live in that apple floating in front of the guy's face that Rene Magritte couldn't figure out how to draw. P.S. Matt McIrvin will now reminisce about the eight "Science Fiction Theatre" episodes that revolve around footage of two white mice wandering around on a turntable to simulate the effects of weightlessness and/or gas that turns housewives into killer plants. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: experiment of the day Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 22:14:09 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Alistair Gale (alistair@caribsurf.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [quoting AFP] > > > according to an experiment in which a batch > > > of befuddled rats was sent into space. > > Pray tell Kibo, how do we mere mortals get this cool french news? If you don't have the "clari." newsgroups, write you the people who run your Internet service provider and demand that they pay to bring you ClariNet. ClariNet is a service which feeds news articles from major wire-services into Usenet newsgroups (in both plain text and HTML-formatted versions with photos.) There are four levels of ClariNet service, from "one star" to "four star". (My site gets "four star", which I understand costs a _bunch_ of money. ClariNet's Web site has a list of which Internet service providers in your area carry which number of stars. And all along, you thought those little stars just indicated what had happened at Hugh Hefner's monthly parties.) You can access some of the ClariNet news for free via their Web site, http://www.clarinet.com ... but it's generally just the most important stories from good wire-services like AP and UPI, and the weird articles from l'Agence France-Presse tend to only show up in the "three star" and "four star" distributions. (Also, the articles from the respected services like AP and UPI usually get filed in clari.news.* or clari.biz.* while the articles from those wacko French people usually dominate clari.living.bizarre. clari.living.bizarre is in the "two star" distribution, I think.) The articles come out with all sorts of exciting headers: -> Approved: editor@clarinet.com -> Comment: O:3.3H; -> X-Fn: bo/Qnzealand-penis.RPlJ_AFF -> Distribution: cl-2,cl-3,cl-edu,cl-4,cl-corp,cl-be -> X-No-Archive: yes -> From: AFP (C-afp@clari.net) -> Newsgroups: clari.world.oceania.new_zealand, clari.living.bizarre, -> clari.living.tv -> Subject: Penis stapling ruled okay on New Zealand television decency count -> Organization: Copyright 2000 by Agence France-Presse (via ClariNet) -> Message-ID: (Qnzealand-penisURPlJ_AFF.X@clari.net) -> Lines: 31 -> Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2000 19:37:03 PST -> ACategory: international -> Slugword: NZealand-penis -> Threadword: nzealand -> Priority: regular ...and for the important articles that aren't about stapled penises, you occasionally see little notes to the newspaper editors in there (about errors of fact they're correcting a little too late) or notes to Ted Baxter about how to read the big words fo-ne-tik-uh-lee. (The ones designed to be read aloud even have "=30=" at the end.) And if you get lucky and find one of ClariNet's three-line articles (not counting the headers) which is accompanied by their extra-special twenty-line copyright notice, you WIN! -- K. A good place to find the rude copyright notice is on the Miss Manners column. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: There is an Orange Cone Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 09:21:17 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com John F. Winston (johnfwin@mlode.com) wrote: > > [...quoting an ultimatum from a mysterious source...] > > Do you wonder that the leaders of the world tremble at our > presence? They know they have no power except the power we give them. > We have no fear of Russia or China for we are already in full control > of their system of things. China knows that we can freeze any > number of its corporations in America and all of its capitol at the > stroke of a pen. You mean if some guy in China writes "/" on the back of an envelope, the temperature falls below freezing in Washington, D.C.? I hate to tell you this, but it's already that cold there. Now, if they were threatening to freeze Dallas, well, that would annoy some people. PEOPLE WITH GUNS. > [...] > We will use you to alleviate some of the overpopulation problem. > > YOUR SILLY REBELLION AGAINST OUR DOMINION > > [...] The more you wiggle, the more we squeeze. John, I understand the complete seriousness of this message, but what does this frightening conspiracy theory about the New World Order have to do with the subject at hand, the frightening conspiracy of the Orange Cones? -- K. Orange Cones are scarier than Mr. Freeze with a Chinese accent. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Dry gas cures stumbling carb? Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 11:08:58 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Several days ago in alt.scooter, George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > [...] [WHOOSH! SUPER-DETERMINISTIC NEW KONTEXT-AWAY DEPOLARIZES ALL THE MOLECULES THAT MAKE UP THE BORING PARTS OF THE ARTICLE, LEAVING ONLY A QUOTABLE SENTENCE BEHIND!] > do I have an alcoholic scoot? [SWOOSH! KONTEXT-AWAY PROMISES TO LEAVE FOREVER AND NEVER COME BACK, BUT IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE IT HAS ITS IMAGINARY FINGERS CROSSED!] -- K. If Kontext-Away were evil, it would have to make its imaginary fingers into an inverted pentagram, which would be hard if it also had imaginary arthritis. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: #1 sign I'm too old for this crap... Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 22:21:47 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Brack!" (tiki@iinet.net.au) wrote: > > "Brack!" (tiki@iinet.net.au) wrote: > > > > I bought and ate a Cadbury Creme Egg today. Then I had chest pains and > > heart palpitations. But I think I'm allright now. Mmmm, still half of > > it left. *gaaaack* *thud* > > Arrrgh. Now my kidneys hurt. But I think that's because I decided to > have the other one too. My friend, run, don't walk, over to the local drugstore and buy yourself one bottle of each flavor of Citroma, The Sparkling Laxative, and HURRY before the two things weld themselves together at the exact center of your thirty feet of intestines! Just grab a bunch of Citroma and drink it as fast as possible while making The Citroma Face. I suggest getting one of each flavor because they all actually taste the same but they have different warning labels ("WARNING: THIS PRODUCT MAY CAUSE A RED COLOR IN THE FECES" is only on the RED flavor, etc.) Also, I still don't understand why those people at Cadbury were sitting around the conference table and one said "Hey! Let's make a candy with the appearance and texture of raw eggs!" and nobody shot him. -- K. They could at least have washed his mouth out with Citroma. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Cool Lucid Dreams Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 22:35:00 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Andrew Pearson (apearson@pt.lu) wrote: > > Alistair Gale (alistair@caribsurf.com) wrote: > > > > I notice that most of the posters on ARK are on some kind of > > anti-depressants, well so am I!!. What I have noticed is that > > I'm having incredible detailed "lucid" dreams, frinstance last > > night involving Charlie Rose interviewing some cute woman about > > the elections in Iran, > ^^^^^^^^ > IWPTA "electRons" I wacky-parsed that as EXACTLY THE SAME THING! Which cancels out any possibility of it actually being wacky, because only unique stuff is wacky. (Am I the only person on the Internet who doesn't use lots of acronyms these days? I guess it's because I need to maintain my reputation for being kind to the newbies.) > > also my wristwatch assured me it was > > 5PM so there was no point getting up to go to work. > > > > When I finally penetrated the fog it was actually about 7AM, > > > > I think I will now become a Sci.Physics kook because of these > > (quantum) alternate realities that my meds have released. > > By creating a post where "electrons in Iran" occupied the same > space as "elections in Iran" you have already given away that > you have secret Quantum Powers... > > Have you been bitten by a radioactive quantum recently? Quantum biting! Matt McIrvin and David Pacheco will now each write a story titled "Schrodinger's Fetish" and the two will be superimposed on each other. > > SO DOES ANYBODY ELSE HAVE MULTI-LEVEL RECURSIVE DREAMS? > > I don't think so... > ... "But it was ALL A DREAM" dot... dot... dot... "or was it?" Please stop dreaming that I am reading the Internet, because there is no such thing as the Internet here on THE PLANET WHICH IS JUST LIKE EARTH ONLY THE INTERNET HAS BEEN SECRETLY REPLACED WITH GIANT LOBSTERS. -- K. Also, you misspelled "..." as "dot... dot... dot..." which is pronounced "dee oh tee dot dot dot dee oh tee dot dot dot dee oh tee dot dot dot". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Self-Actualization Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 22:40:25 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "info starlight" (info@starlight.org) wrote: > > "revjack" (revjack@radix.net) wrote: > > > > Does anyone here really, truly know how to become > > self-actualized? Seriously. I'd like to know. > > I think the trick is identifying early what you have a knack for, > then doing it compulsively all the time, yet never getting sick of > it. For example, at the age of eight, you discover you are good > at roasting ants with a magnifying glass. You continue to roast > ants and insects of all kinds. You study the best method of > concentrating sunlight to maximum damage. You take classes > in insect physiology to discover just what happens when you > roast them. Your quest leads you to explore particle beams, and > you become a Nobel prize-winning physicist. You lecture on the > effects of radiation on insects and life. You're invited to the White > House to share your views. You're given lifetime tenure at a pres- > tigious university, where you continue to refine your discoveries > and advances, and your lectures are recorded and preserved by > the faithful. You have become all you can be, perfectly attuned to > the world of roasting ants, perfectly self-actualized! > > And it doesn't matter if it's ant roasting, frisbee throwing, wine > drinking, or whatever. As long as that's all you do, and you never > tire of it. I think "wine drinking" is taken. There's this guy at work who's tried them all. However, he refuses to try any of the Canned Chilis From Around The World that I've been sampling every one of. Plus chili goes good with roasted ants. So, you're saying that if I keep comparing and contrasting different brands of canned chili, I will eventually get The Nobel Prize For Eating Canned Chili? Damn! I didn't want to be self-actualized! I wanted to stay self-fakeized! Please don't give me a Nobel Prize because it would destroy my credibility! -- K. I hear that NASA is planning to build a magnifying glass large enough to roast all the ants on Earth at the same time. (Provided that they all happen to wander into the same hemisphere beforehand.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Self-Actualization Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 03:58:44 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "info starlight" (info@starlight.org) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > So, you're saying that if I keep comparing and contrasting different > > brands of canned chili, I will eventually get The Nobel Prize For > > Eating Canned Chili? > > Not a Nobel Prize, necessarily. A Hormel Prize? > Any prize or recognition a self-actualized person receives is usually > a secondary consequence of their self-actualization. However a person > might, indeed, be given a substantial salary and recognition > within the canned chili industry as a professional taster. I doubt such a position exists, because if it did, these canned chilis wouldn't taste so awful. Think about it. Have you ever seen any sort of advertisement for a can of chili which talks about the great taste of it? No, because they all taste bad in the same way. However, ads for dog food always stress how good it tastes compared to the other brands. This means that there ARE positions in our society for people to be employed eating dog food for a living. (This is where wine tasters go when they're washed up and tossed out of the major league.) > It's not ridiculous. I recently read about one person who has > achieved a relative degree of notoriety for doing little except > posting a lot to Usenet. Can you believe it!? Sob. Why do people never hear about my important work with the dying children of adult mimes? It seems like when I dress up as "Dr. Squirty" The "Wacky" Clown Doctor(TM) you people stop taking me seriously. How do I stop being so self-actualized? -- K. I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE I AM TOO SELF-ACTUALIZED! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibo tries to poison this guy at work with canned chili (WAS: Re: Self-Actualization) Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 05:31:05 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Jonathon Alsop (jalsop@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I think "wine drinking" is taken. There's this guy at work who's > > tried them all. However, he refuses to try any of the Canned Chilis > > From Around The World that I've been sampling every one of. > > Kibo presented me with a profoundly dented can of chili and asked me to > taste it and recommend wines to go with it. I still have it in my office. > Put your ear right up to it, and you can hear the botulism colony growing. Hey, ALL canned chili comes in dented cans. In fact, that can came from the Purity Supreme, where EVERYTHING was dented (especially the heads of the clerks.) And I didn't even give you any of the really bad chilis, like Texas Pete's Brown Slime For Ruining Hot Dogs. I gave you an actual can of a chunky, heart-y chili with lots of lean red meat (40% atrium, 40% ventricle, 20% ventricle) and you COULD have eaten it on Valentine's Day, but noooooo. YOU had to be ABOVE eating canned cow hearts from the 1990s. > Next time, a list of things I would have eaten had I eaten everything Kibo > tried to get me to eat. If you don't eat your chili, you'll stunt your growth. Scientists recommend eating at least ten cow hearts a day just in case they're ever discovered to have nutritional value. -- K. What are you eating under there? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Aliens fryed my penus! Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 04:37:46 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Aldis Ozols (aldis@zeta.org.au) wrote: > > I found this fine rant posted to the newsgroups below. > Why he chose them is beyond the capacity of my > radiation-impaired mind to understand. Yay! Thank you for finding this, Aldis! > > Subject: Wayne Manzo Taken Down Unfairly! Mansue! > > Newsgroups: alt.gossip.celebrities, soc.culture.german, > > soc.men, fr.soc.politique > > > > Recently moved from Chicago to the > > lovely city of Gary. The Chicago natives(aliens and > > hybrids) went into kill mode___I stopped working the > > Chicago Tribune trucks because the drivers were > > giving me alien hits and putting me to sleep > > after each job. And when you're sleeping, that's when your roomate gives you laughing gas so he can sodomize you, because he's secretly A DENTIST! > > I started working the Tribune docks instead, > > loading trucks(different temp agency__Elite)___shortly after that I was > > hit at the "Men's Hotel"___otherwise known as > > "Hotel Hell, Bates Hotel, and/or The House of Pain". Does the punctuation remind anyone_-_else of someone we all know_-_and_-_love? > > While in my flop house room I was cut in the kidneys and stomach. > > (Note, the banners on Clark Street near the hotel had pictures of > > kidneys on them__something about national Kidney foundation, > > etc...__My urine turned red and smelled bizarre.) As opposed to that pleasant smell it normally has on New York's D train. > > I stopped staying at the hotel(flop house) after this. > > Stayed on the street while looking for work and a decent > > shelter. In the meantime the Chicago aliens went into > > attack mode. Alien hits while riding the trains and while > > walking downtown___Kidneys, stomach scratched and they started > > frying my penus! Oh, that's a tragedy, having a scratched kidney. But as for your penus, well, no big deal. Maybe it'll be like a beard hair and grow back bigger! > > The alien bitches were making many comments > > including "open his legs up"___meaning? Also, many of the > > women started sounding like "Jackie Badger"___a co-worker > > when I was a summer employee for Airco C02 in Murray Hill. Muray Hill is the neighborhood (and telephone exchange) that has more typefaces named after it than any other. Perhaps Ed Rondthaler, Ed Benguiat, Tony Stan, Herb Lubalin, Allan Haley, and all those other movers and shakers of the New York City phototype world have switched from drawing serifs to frying penuses. > > Note: the aliens and hybrids have excellent mimmicking > > ability____in fact one of the aliens that worked at the > > Mens Hotel sounded exactly like "Ed Salo(geologist?)"___ > > a college chum from Michigan Technological University. > > Also, while at the Harold Washington Public Library____ > > taking numerous "eye hits" and pin-point frying of my legs > > when-ever I sat-down and tried to get some sleep! Pin-point frying, yep. It would be terrible to have slightly off-center leg frying. > > I suppose this is why they call Chicago a "Military Psyche Ward". > > Aliens,hybrids(pods), and re-animates try and drive you crazy > > with all of their alien weaponry! If you are even missing > > half of card from the deck___you probably end up in a > > bell tower with a semi-automatic in your hand___but if > > you are sane, the only conclusion that you can arrive at is > > "they are already here!"___and they don't like humans. > > > > Hey, you can't make this stuff up! I'm only an observer. You can't have "___" in the middle of a sentence either, but that doesn't seem to stop you. > > Stayed at the "Preston Bradley" shelter on Lawrence Street > > (uptown Chicago)___although this area provides alot of > > social services___the homeless people look like hardened > > criminals who have been thrown out! I slept there one night. > > Cut in kidneys again___more blood in my urine! This cleared > > up after a few days. > > (Note: Hollywood Film Director Speilberg recently had one > > of his kidneys removed? Was he cut in the kidneys also?) See Roger Ebert's description of Steven Spielberg's glowing kidneys. (You can't make this stuff up. It's in his Glossary of Movie Terms under "kookalouris", if I remember correctly.) > > Went back to the "Hotel Hell" and gathered some of my clothes > > then split. Left my beautiful collage on the wall. > > I still don't know how I stayed there > > for over a year while being tortured(taken down unfairly). > > What am I some sort of masocist? No! Mind control! Pure and simple! > > > > Took bus to Gary on Thursday. Note: Gary and the other cities > > along the Chicago Southern Railroad are part of the same > > alien agency(hive)?___still receiving alien hits at the shelter > > in Gary. FREE THE GARY SEVEN!!!! (Matt McIrvin will explain that, unless Roger Ebert does first.) > > Another interesting note: I have been living? in > > Chicago for about a year and a half and still know very > > little about the transportation system. AND HERE COME THE DANCING BEARS OF OBVIOUSNESS FOR ONLY THE ONE BILLIONTH TIME ON THE INTERNET! AND THERE THEY GO, SPEEDING AWAY AGAIN IN THEIR PRIVATE MONORAIL THEY PARK AT THE SECRET MONORAIL PARKING LOT UNDER THE MGM GRAND CASINO! > > If I was not "taken down unfairly" during this period I would have > > known about the "South Shore Line". This is the train that > > runs from downtown Chi-town and goes to South Bend. This is a new one for me, folks. A guy maintaining that aliens hid a major subway line from him. When I say "I couldn't make this up!" I'm usually lying (it means "This is true, but I know I could have made this up because I'm so very clever") but in this case, I REALLY COULDN'T HAVE MADE THAT UP! > > Cheaper than the bus! It would be an interesting fact if the South > > Shore Line maps out the Chicago Alien Agency's track into > > the lake shore of Indiana. > > > > The Gary shelter is interesting because it appears to be a real psych > > ward/shelter. Some of these people looked already dead when > > I first arrived but have gradually obtained more human > > flesh tones(maybe I'm being sucked dry?). One of the > > managers of the place has a bodily odor similar to formaldehyde. > > Maybe this is some sort of trick to gross me out! "Hey, why did you stop bathing last month?" "I decided to make everyone in the world think I smelled bad in order to make this one crazy guy's life more interesting." See, we're now into the realm where even I can't conceive of the twisted, flaming wreck of logic that got this guy to that point. WE'RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, PEOPLE! > > (Please, if I kick___and get embalmed___don't bring me back!) > > A re-animate from Chicago arrived__said he remembered me > > from the Tribune trucks__Hmmmmmmmm? Recently began taking > > alien hits to the feet and kidneys while at the shelter. > > Obviously, this part of Gary is controlled by the Chicago Agency. Oh, > > this part of Gary is pretty much burnt-out! War zone would be the > > appropriate phrase! > > > > Since I don't blend very well in this city(Gary is predominantly > > African American__maybe they are CESS impersonating African > > Americans?) I probably will try for South Bend or > > Indianapolis. > > > > In the mean time I'll try and raise some cash for the trip! > > > > Also, mansue.com is going to be taken off the internet because > > I cannot afford to pay web66 nor internic. For those who are reading this in the distant future: Back in 2000, it cost $35 to register a vanity domain such as "mansue.com" with the InterNIC for one year. That's approximately the cost of one of the mid-range pairs of pants at K-Mart. The implications of Mr. Fried Penus being unable to afford pants... eww. > > So if I have any fans please try and figure out a way of paying > > internic and web66! Actually if I have any fans I could use some funds > > also! But since I don't have any fans and this is being posted > > to a CESS Agency server(censored)___this paragraph is futile. Oh, NOW he tells me. I wasted all my time reading this article I can't read! > > Thank you, > > > > Wayne Manzo, > > Freedom Fighter, Human Being, Plaintiff, Engineer, > > TV Producer, Journalist > > > > From the "Forbidden city of Gary"___this is the same agency > > as Chicago! Do you mean Gary, or the underscores? -- K. I still can't believe he didn't spell "peanus" correctly. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: That "Millionaire" Thing Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 04:58:23 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Okay, a few other people have discussed this pinnacle of popular culture here, but I haven't even alluded to it yet. I hadn't mentioned it in advance because I figured it wouldn't reach maximum stupidity until the aftermath and fallout from this event. WOW AND HOW RIGHT I WAS! For those of you who don't watch the lower half of the TV spectrum, here is a summary of events as I understand them: 1.) Television is invented by Zworykin, just so he can get his name in the encyclopedia at the last possible moment before they finish writing the final volume. 2.) Starting in 1999, ABC has a hit show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" which consists entirely of Regis Philbin shrieking "IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER!!!!" and everyone loves watching that so all the other networks start churning out knockoffs just like they did the last time evening quiz shows were popular back in the 1950s before the technology existed to rig them undetectably. 3.) In February 2000, Fox aired the live, two-hour boring special "Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire?" in which an offscreen multimillionare got to pick which bimbo he'd get to have sex with. 4.) Everyone said it was stupid and demeaning and stupid. Matt McIrvin compared it to "Queen For A Day", the 1950s show where housewives would compete to tell the saddest story ("and then the dump truck ran over my husband again") and the most pathetic one would WIN a great prize which was usually a washing machine. (The concept resurfaced in the mid-1980s as "Fantasy", where they eliminated the element of competition and just had host Leslie Uggams give out lame prizes to pathetic people. Like, a little boy who had a fatal disease got driven around the parking lot in the "Knight Rider" car, with David Hasselhoff telling him KITT couldn't talk that day because he was broken. They actually have bound _scripts_ from a week's worth of "Fantasy" at the Emerson college library.) Anyway, everyone said "Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire?" was dumb. 5.) Then they did it and the guy picked some bimbo and they got married on TV, which proved it was real. 6.) Then all the reporters ran over to their computers and looked up the guy on the Internet and found out that his ex-girlfriend had gotten a restraining order against him because he beat her up. 7.) And they interviewed all his friends and all his new wife's friends, and surprise, they were all the same people because it turns out he knew her before the show. 8.) And the alleged multimillionaire works as a pizza-delivery boy and is definitely not a multimillionaire. His claims to fame are that he had a role in the third or fourth "Killer Tomatoes" movie and that he once performed standup comedy (at an open-mike night, presumably.) 9.) And the only bit of his alleged "comedy" I've seen is the clip they played on the news, which consisted of him saying "I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!" with a huge grin on his face because he obviously knew how freakin' funny he was. 10.) Fox was planning on editing the tape of their two-hour ratings-buster down to a convenient one-hour bite-size rerun and showing it three or four more times but then everyone found out #6 through #9 and now Fox is burning the videotape because they decided it was the only thing too sleazy to ever air again on Fox, the entertainment conglomerate that brought us "Alien Autopsy", "When Animals Attack III", and several movies about Killer Tomatoes. 11.) Television was RUINED! -- K. Plus that show probably drove up the prices of all other hookers everywhere. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Welcome to our world, welcome to our world, of sick toys Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2000 11:25:42 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com United Press International wrote: > > Hasbro eyes JFK action toy > > BOSTON, Feb. 23 (UPI) -- A John F. Kennedy action figure could > soon be joining GI Joe on store shelves. > The Boston Globe reported Wednesday that toymaker Hasbro Inc. > and the Kennedy Library Foundation have agreed on a JFK action figure > wearing PT-109 fatigues. WRITE YOUR OWN SICK JOKE HERE! --------> _____________________________________ AND WRITE ANOTHER ONE HERE! -----------> _____________________________________ AND HERE! -----------------------------> _____________________________________ > Hasbro spokesman Wayne Charness said the JFK figure will be > the first of a number of Kennedy products to be made under the agreement, > but he declined to elaborate. Magic bullet changes color when dipped in warm water! Matching entry and exit wounds sold separately! Not for use with Sirhan Sirhan! > The JFK figure will depict Kennedy in fatigues, using a knife > to carve a message into a coconut shell. During World War II, after > Kennedy's PT-109 torpedo boat was sunk by a Japanese warship, ...some guys made him into a plastic doll whose left foot was stamped "MADE IN JAPAN". > Kennedy and his crew sought safety on a nearby island. Kennedy gave > such a coconut message to friendly islanders, who brought it to his > eventual rescuers. It said "PLEASE RESCUE ME FROM THESE ISLANDER BASTARDS WHO CAN'T READ." Also, he irritated the islanders by taking a little bite out of every coconut to see which ones contained coconut. > Foundation spokesman Tom McNaught said Hasbro raised the idea > last fall, when retired Gen. Colin Powell spoke at the JFK Library in > Boston. Hasbro came out with a Powell action figure in 1998. And a Bob Hope action figure in 1999. I am not making this up. > Bill Hartglass, who is in charge of GI Joe product development > for the Rhode Island-based Hasbro, said, "The Kennedys have a special > place in American history and a special place in America's heart." Please return John F. Kennedy to special ventricle when not in use. > Under the agreement, Hasbro is expected to donate > "significant" royalties to the Foundation, although no dollar amounts > were mentioned. Payable entirely in Kennedy half-dollars. > The JFK figure is expected to hit store shelves this fall and > retail for $30. > The original GI Joe figure was introduced in 1964, the year > after Kennedy was assassinated. PROOF THAT MY CLIENT, G.I. JOE, COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THE SECOND GUNMAN! > There are some who believe the facial features of GI Joe were partly > modeled after Kennedy. Whereas his genitalia were modelled on those of Hitler! Okay, maybe I *did* go too far. But let's face it: IT'S JUST AN ACTION FIGURE, PEOPLE! IT'S NOT THE REAL PRESIDENT! IT LIVES IN A LITTLE CARDBOARD BOX! IN AMERICA WE JUST HAVE TO SALUTE PRESIDENTS, NOT DOLLS! > Hasbro previously produced action figures based on famous U.S. > Gens. Dwight D. Eisenhower and George S. Patton. Don't forget Mr. T. Wasn't he Secretary of State? -- K. Awaiting the introduction of Malibu Ted Kennedy. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Computer Addiction: Our Nation's Potential #1 Killer! Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2000 07:27:21 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Tom Simonds (in wstd.general) mentioned www.computeraddiction.com, and I thought I'd check it out and read all the important information on that Web site: > > Q&A with Dr. Orzack > > Computer Addiction Services > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > I welcome questions regarding computer addictions and will answer as many > as I can. You can email me directly at Orzack@ComputerAddiction.com. "I check my E-mail every five minutes. But that's okay because I'm a doctor." > Here is a list of questions and answers regarding computer addiction and > its treatment. > > 1. What is computer addiction? > > Addiction to the computer and/or Internet is a complex problem which is > developing due to the rapid spread of computer use around the world. They're using computers in other parts of the world now? Oh, heavens! Soon they'll even have them in both hemispheres! > Computer addiction, like other addictions, is the use of computers in > order to change an individual's mood. Computer use becomes abuse when it > interferes with one's work or school, or disrupts personal and family > relationships, and becomes increasingly necessary in order to feel good. That's right, it becomes INCREASINGLY NECESSARY every day, until after you die, and then every day you become INCREASINGLY DEAD! > 2. Who are the people who come to see you? > > I see students, professionals, housewives, the retired, everyone. Computer > addicts can be people who are depressed, lonely, afraid to go out, in high > family conflicts, and, generally, people in trouble because they can't > leave their computers. My computer won't admit it's co-dependent! > They are men, women, and children referred by other family members, > self-referred, or referred by other professionals. > > 3. Why is computer addiction now a problem? > > Computer technology is the fastest growing industry in the world. > Increased dependency on computers for information, games, fun, diversion, > entertainment, and wide ranges of legal, financial, health and social > services, can create problems for all of us. From computer games for kids > to CHAT links to surfing the NET, computers have become increasingly > important in our lives. But these tools may become problems when we allow > them to dominate rather than serve our lives. Sincerely, The Unabomber. > 4. How did you identify computer addiction syndrome? > > Initially I noticed that I was spending too much time on computer games > such as solitaire and cruel. Pardon? I have heard not of this "cruel" of which you speak, but it sounds super-elite. Where can I get a copy? > I became so absorbed in games that I neglected or delayed meeting > various personal obligations. I stayed up too late. Oh no! No other evil social force, from Scrabble to Conan O'Brien, has ever made innocent people miss their bedtime! People should be required to go to bed at the same time every day their whole life! There should be a curfew! In fact, the curfew should last all day so that people would never be allowed to roam the streets where they might get beat up by roving packs of teenagers hopped up on computer games and Scrabble! > This led me to realize that behavior of this kind could be an > addiction. > I have had 15 years of experience with treatment of addictive > behaviors/impulse control disorders using Cognitive Behavior Therapy and > 10 years in studying and interviewing "recreational drug users". I made a > connection between my own computer experiences and my research in > addictive disorders and treatment of addictive behaviors and impulse > control disorders. > I started seeing computer over-use in patients who are recovering > alcoholics, procrastinators, and depressed or lonely. The common thread > was an emotional dysregulation of some type. I became aware very shortly > thereafter that serious problems with pathological implications > characterize others whose personal control of their computer use has > become seriously diminished. These are called People Who Have Jobs At Offices That Can Afford Computers. > Medline searches yielded no references to Computer Addiction but Impulse > Control Disorders provided some leads. DSM-IV lists many disorders; > Pathological Gambling and Compulsive Shopping for instance. Unlike > gambling people must be able to use their computers in work or school. Yes, gambling would be no fun if you could use it in school. Like if it involved ratios and probability and percentages and stuff. > Therefore, they must learn how to normalize their computer use just as > those individuals with Eating Disorders need to learn to eat in order to > survive. Because if you just suddenly stop using the Internet, you will DIE! > 5. How did you start Computer Addiction Services? > > I started discussing my idea with colleagues and friends who sometimes > laughed at first, but then invariably provided examples of persons "glued > to the NET" or continually playing games. And there are people who spend 24 hours a day using their computer to laugh at people who charge big amounts of money to treat "computer addiction"! > They provided many examples of persons other than computer abusers who > suffer as a result. Significant relationships with spouses, children, > parents, fellow students, and coworkers can become impaired. Neglect, > separation, isolation, or abandonment constitute extremes. > I heard of family counselors who received complaints about emotional > relationships deteriorating. One colleague, an expert in paraphilias, (that's the study of perverts who love paramecia) > started sending me information about cyberaddiction in many of his > patients. Many of his patients became addicted to pornography on the > Internet. "I'm sorry, I can no longer get my jollies from regular photos of naked women. They have to be small and blurry and download very slowly." > All of these stories led me to create Computer Addiction Services. > > 6. What are the functions of Computer Addiction Services? > > Our purposes are multiple because the uses of computers are complex. > Our services provide the following: > * Direct psychological treatment for persons whose daily living is > seriously disrupted Just spend twelve hours a day on the psychiatrist's couch and we promise you'll say your life is not being disrupted in any way. > * Psychological support services for others directly affected such as > family members, colleagues, and coworkers. (An ice cream truck painted solid white slowly drives through neighborhood streets, its loudspeaker blaring, "ATTENTION, NEIGHORS! JOHN SMITH IS BEING TREATED FOR COMPUTER ADDICTION! HE'S ALL MENTAL AND STUFF! HE NEEDS YOUR UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT AND LOVE BECAUSE HE'S A TOTAL LOSER! THAT IS ALL!") > * Educational outreach programs for schools, universities, factories and > offices. These include Employee Assistance Programs, counseling programs, > and health services by means of training courses and workshops. Puppet shows? Please say "puppet shows". Please please please. Nothing's as therapeutic as puppet shows! > We have heard of no other similar service facility associated with an > accredited Mental Health center within the United States or elsewhere. That's a SWELL thing to say in an advertisement. OOH! OOH! I JUST BECAME ADDICTED TO SARCASM! > McLean Hospital is a leading clinical treatment center and is well known > for treatment of addictions and impulse control disorders as well as for > research in both of these areas. > I originated the concept as part of my private practice as a Licensed > Clinical Psychologist and am Founder and Coordinator of this service at > McLean. Soon to be renamed McLean Deluxe when it merges with Hamburger University. > 7. How do you diagnose computer addiction? > > Diagnosis has been well described by a number of authors using a DSM > model. For the moment there is no diagnosis acceptable to insurance > carriers unless they come to accept Impulsive Control Disorder NOS (Not > Otherwise Specified). Or the other popular DSM-IV category, "Everyone's Some Kind Of Bozo (Not Otherwise Specified)". > Computer Addiction may also be considered as a behavior learned in a > periodic reinforcement schedule. If you have one of those computers that dispenses candy at every thousandth keypress. > Diagnosis is not to increase the pathology as some suggest. Diagnosis > helps formulate the specific problems and allows appropriate use of > psycho-educational methods and Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques. > > 8. How do you treat computer addiction? > > Computer misuse is so complex and its ever increasing prevalence so > challenging that a comparison with Eating Disorders is necessary. And quantum physics is also so complex and prevalent that it is required by law to be compared to eating disorders. > The basic approaches in treatment is to teach people how to normalize their > behavior. Normalizing eating behavior is a key goal in treatment of eating > disorders. STOP EATING YOUR COMPUTERS, PEOPLE! > Normalizing computer uses is more and more a requirement in our modern > society. The challenges that face the therapist are manifold. The lines > between work and home, work and play, are unclear and vague. Therapists > must help individuals conflicted by the many demands of society to learn > effective coping skills that will allow them to normalize their behavior. They can be taught these skills with the exciting new "How Not To Use Your Computer" interactive CD-ROM. > 9. Who needs treatment? > > I agree that most addicts are either game players or CHAT users, What does that acronym stand for? Computer-Hyperbolized Automatic Talking? > but I have known some who spend hours searching for information till they > are physically exhausted, and others who spend hours file managing. OH MY GOD! ALL THE SECRETARIES AND FILE CLERKS IN THE WORLD ARE COMPUTER ADDICTS! > These are reported by their families often as my husband disappears > for hours every night into his study to hit the computer. Oh, you mean _physical_ computer abuse. Check the computer into a Battered Hardware Shelter. > The nature of a Web page is designed to draw you into more and more > contact with a subject to be studied or learned. DO NOT EVER LOOK AT ANY WEB PAGES! ESPECIALLY THE ONE I'M QUOTING FROM!!! > If they neglect their family and friends, spend too much time > disappearing at work, or neglect studies, they too may be addicts. > The American Psychological Association recently gave a page to a > discussion of Computer Addiction. They pointed out that both students and > professors can show this behavior. > Feel free to email me for further clarification or with your comments. > > Maressa Hecht Orzack, Ph.D. > Orzack@ComputerAddiction.com > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Computer Addiction Services > > Web Publishing by 3b > > Copyright 1996, 1997 > All rights Reserved The irony of soliciting E-mail comments with no telephone or postal address listed is delicately subtle, not unlike having a durian shoved up one's nose. OOH! OOH! I WAS SARCASTIC AGAIN! IF I DO IT A THIRD TIME THE DSM-IV WILL GIVE ME A FREE UPGRADE FROM "SARCASM ADDICTION, NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED" TO "SARCASM ADDICTION, AND WE SPECIFICALLY MEAN KIBO"! -- K. ALSO I'M ADDICTED TO CAPITAL LETTERS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.bio.botany,sci.chem,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: purpose of CO Re: Carbon Monoxide Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2000 07:50:24 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.bio.botany and sci.chem, Archimedes Plutonium (plutoniu@willinet.net) wrote: > > [...various blather about his new idea that plants can breathe > carbon monoxide just as well as carbon dioxide... and then this > sentence, if you can call it that, turned up...] > > Lubricants such as WD-40 for which today I removed the squecky noise > from my door is a rare item in my household if I count everything in my > household, but lubricants are vital for the functioning of many things. Ladies and gentlemen, that sentence has just revealed the secret identity of the author of "The Eye Of Argon". -- K. So, Arch, how's Grignr? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Microsoft Network drops Usenet newsgroup support Summary: ...and there was much rejoicing Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2000 22:01:45 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com YAY!!!!!!!!!! > MSN drops newsgroup support > > Jim Hu, CNET News.com > > Microsoft's MSN Internet site is dumping support for newsgroup > discussions, the latest sign that the pioneering online chat format is > being bypassed by the commercial Web. "chat"? This counts as "chat"? (I DON'T EXPECT HIM TO ACTUALLY ANSWER THAT.) > An MSN representative said the site is replacing newsgroup > discussions, which are currently hosted on the open-ended Usenet > network, with other options available on the site. She said the move > was sparked by convenience. > > "We are removing newsgroups from MSN servers because having stuff is inconvenient! > we now have a better communication vehicle provided by MSN Web > Communities--including chat, message boards, email and Web pages," the > representative wrote in an email. While newsgroups will no longer be > supported on MSN.com, they will still be available at the company's > corporate Web site, Microsoft.com. All you'll have to do is get a job at Microsoft and then you'll be allowed to use a computer again. > Marked by freewheeling and often rudely frank discussions I used to love watching Rudely Frank and Mr. B on "Jabberwocky" every morning. > on hundreds of specialized topics, Gosh. alt.religion.kibology suddenly became a Specialized Topic. Okay, everyone, from now on, don't change the subject, ever. > newsgroups early on came to embody the Internet's ideal of free > and open communication. But with the discovery that there was money to be made, anything that was anywhere near the word "free" had to be suppressed. > emergence of the Web and commercial sites, newsgroups have been > steadily pushed to the noncommercial fringes. YAYYYYYY!!! "FRINGE" = "NONCOMMERCIAL"! IF WE'RE WEIRD ENOUGH THEY'LL STOP TRYING TO JAM THEIR COMMERCIALS IN HERE! > "Newsgroups are unruly and message boards are easier to covert into a > business," said Anya Sacharow, an analyst at Jupiter Communications. You know, if the powers that be would just deign to look at alt.religion.kibology, they'd realize within a quarter of a second that a.r.k could never be converted into a business. By the way, did I mention that Kool-Aid is made from cat vomit? > Turning newsgroup chat into e-commerce gold has proven elusive, as > companies such as Deja.com and Talkway discovered. Like Microsoft, > both turned away from newsgroups after failed attempts to tap them for > revenue. Wait a minute... the whole point of Deja.com (DejaNews) is that it lets you read and post to Usenet newsgroups. That's the ONLY thing DejaNews does. (And not even very well.) How can they claim they've "turned away" from Usenet? Oh, that's right, they call them "forums" and not "newsgroups". Like, on DejaNews, this article will say "Forums: alt.religion.kibology" instead of "Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology". That means it's a completely separate thing from Usenet. > "One of the charms of Usenet is that it's so completely > decentralized," said David Ritz, a Usenet advocate. "(Microsoft's) > operation is into control. This cannot be accomplished in Usenet." YAY!!!!!!!!!!! > Word of the closures was first posted on two newsgroups in MSN's > Computing Central site. "Didn't you see the message about the closings? We posted it in two of the newsgroups we don't allow you to read." > Peter John Harrison, the MSN Computing Central forum manager in charge > of the Bandwidth and Networking forums, said in a posting that > excessive unsolicited junk mail, or spam, was the primary reason for > the closures--a claim he subsequently retracted in an interview with > CNET News.com. He retracted it in a message he sent 500,000 times. > Microsoft denied that the decision to drop newsgroups from MSN was > motivated by spam or commercial concerns. But my excitement over MSN going away from here forever is motivated by spam concerns. MSN has been a major, major, MAJOR source of Usenet spam for years. Those bozos apparently have no idea how to keep evil folks from spamming the entire Internet through MSN's servers. This will also save time because the other administrators won't have to read those periodic discussions of whether MSN should be kicked off Usenet or not. > "It was driven by ease of use "We're making the Internet easier to use by keeping you from using all of it." Check. > and integration of services "We're now allowing black people to use the same Internet as white people." Check. > that we can now provide in a better way to consumers," the representative > added in an email. "We've found that many more customers have found it > easier to use these message boards than the newsgroups." "Our customers can't figure out how to work a real Usenet newsreader program." Check. > Analysts said they weren't surprised by the move, noting that Usenet > newsgroups haven't caught on with large numbers of new users because > there are simpler alternatives. READING ALL THAT PLAIN TEXT IS HARD! IT NEEDS MORE ICONS! > The Web has dulled Usenet's luster, according to Dan O'Brien, an > analyst at Forrester Research. Luster? When were we sitting around in the middle of a big pile of luster? POP QUIZ: Which of the following communications media have luster? TV radio books classical music rap mime Christo Scientology Please submit your answers by any medium that can't do plain text because text just ain't as incredibly cool as it was last year!!! (And if you don't get all the answers right, the founder of Forrester Research, Clayton Forrester, will trap you in space and force you to watch Joe Don Baker movies.) > New Internet users coming aboard are now exposed increasingly to > Web sites that offer message boards, chat and email as their means > for communication and community. Accessing Usenet requires setting > one's browser to read postings, something consumers may not want to do. It does? Then how did people read Usenet from the late '70s to 1990 before there were Web browsers? Also, yes, it would be a shame if there were a service on the Internet that required people to CONFIGURE THEIR WEB BROWSER!!! > "Previously, many may have joined news groups, but now they can go to > a number of travel sites and sports sites and find a thread that has > lots of comments that they can jump into," O'Brien said in a previous > interview. "There's no need to take the next step and join a > newsgroup." Some of those newsgroups make you sign a three-year contract and switch long-distance companies! > Given the open structure of Usenet, however, it might be too soon to > pronounce the end of an era based on the MSN decision. Yes, there weren't millions of people using Usenet before MSN's thousands of users showed up and acted baffled. > "I don't think all that many Usenet users and administrators will care > one way or the other," said Usenet advocate Ritz. YAYYYYYYY! MSN IS LEAVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, I like Usenet Advocate Ritz better than the kind with peanut butter in the middle. -- K. And do you know what this REALLY means? Hint: MSN and WebTV are the same company. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: a supermarket divider bar story of the futuristic year 2000 Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2000 06:44:39 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com So I'm at the Prudential Star market. I get in line. The woman ahead of me has brought her husband and son with her so that she can set two or three items on the conveyor belt and make Pop and Junior go back for the other 90% of the groceries while she holds a place in line. So, I get in line behind her, and then immediately Pop and Junior appear and squeeze in ahead of me with armfuls of stuff. They load it onto the forward end of the conveyor belt, putting down the divider bar immediately behind their items, and because there are three of them standing in line to pay as a family, I have to unload my basket onto the end of the belt: (clerk) +----------------------------------------+ | o o o o # o o o o o o | (me) | my stuff # their stuff | | o o o o # o o o o o o | | o o o o # o o o o o o | +----------------------------------------+ (Junior) (Pop) ^ (Mom) | divider bar But, before the clerk begins ringing up the happy family's group purchases, he thoughtfully pulls the spare divider bar from the reservoir and tosses it onto the belt: (clerk) +----------------------------------------+ | o o o o # # o o o o o o | | my stuff # # their stuff | | o o o o # # o o o o o o | | o o o o # # o o o o o o | +----------------------------------------+ (me) (Junior) (Pop) (Mom) Needless to say, I was afraid that the line would halt for an hour as the clerk waited for the Invisible Man to pay for his invisible groceries in his special sealed-off invisible section of the belt. Do YOU have a story about a strange encounter with a divider bar at the grocery-store checkout line? If so, please illustrate it too! -- K. Sometimes when I'm feeling mean I put the bar down rotated ninety degrees.