Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium - dishwasher? Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 01:29:53 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com This was an article I posted to some other, non-Kibological newsgroups, which is being reposted here under separate cover so that we can talk about the science newsgroups behind their back. Someone asked about Archie Pu, and I felt it was my duty as the world's leading expert on Internet-aware mad scientists to summarize the important story of the King Of Science. -- K. He ranks just below the Emperor Norton Of Science. /////////// ARTICLE FROM ELSEWHERE ////////////////////////////////////// From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium - dishwasher? Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag, sci.physics, sci.edu, soc.history.science, sci.econ Followup-To: sci.physics.electromag Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2000 09:20:18 GMT In sci.physics.elecromag, edprice@pacbell.net wrote: > > Kenneth L. Graham wrote: > > > > DanBoy2112 (dan@tambasco.com) wrote: > > > > > > Hey does anyone know if Archimedes is still a dishwasher at Dartmouth > > > University? > > > > Hi, I went to Dartmouth (College, not University). Archimedes was a > > dishwasher at the Hanover Inn. I sometimes saw him in the physical science > > library though. > > Arky once posted at length of the harsh inequities heaped upon him by > the unfair allocation of "stall cleaning" assignments. He never made it > clear as to whether those stalls were tables at the Inn, toilets or even > horse stalls. > > Dartmouth must have allowed unlimited access to computers on their > campus, and Arky must have been a good chair warmer. He once complained > that noisy high school students were distracting him from his research. > > Arky also speculated that he would file many small, nattering lawsuits > with the intent of settling out-of-court, therby funding the Plutonium > Atom Foundation. Perhaps he carried out this plan, and this forms the > basis for his present extended absence from Dartmouth. Archie was first a cashier, and then a dishwasher (although he would get very upset if anyone called him a dishwasher, he maintained he was a "potwasher".) He started at Dartmouth's Hanover Inn about ten years ago (his previous employer was a relative of the manager of the Inn so he got a good reference, he's said) and then about seven years ago started posting to various sci.* newsgroups. He has maintained he only took the job at Dartmouth (paying $7/hour when the relationship ended last year) to get access to Dartmouth's campus computers, which is a little odd because he took the job about three years before he discovered the the campus computers. (He was known as "Ludwig Plutonium" when he first started posting in 1993; previously he was "Ludwig van Ludvig" and before that "Ludwig Hansen" [adopted name] and "Ludwig Poehlmann" [birth name]. When he posted about a run-in he had with some cops a while ago it became clear that his "legal" name changes which he effected weren't effective, because when the cops looked him up he was still "Ludwig Hansen". He is also known as "The King Of Science And Logic", a title I'm sure nobody but he awarded himself.) From what Archie told us (and believe me, he's posted plenty of stuff over the past few years -- most of which is archived on his Web sites) we know that he filed a lawsuit against Dartmouth, which was apparently an attempt at a class action on behalf of "handicapped" dishwashing staff at Dartmouth's Hanover Inn where he worked (he claimed he was the one in the group who _wasn't_ handicapped) after receiving a three-cent-an-hour annual pay increase. He evidently did not win, and made a rather wonderful series of posts asking misc.legal and various sci.* groups what a "Motion for Summary Judgment" was and making repeated references to a "statue of limitations". ("Yeah, it's a sculpture of limitations." -- Jerry Seinfeld.) He then claimed he was leaving Dartmouth for an extended vacation after ten years of solving all the world's science problems, and then he claimed he was leaving after being "fired" (his term) by Dartmouth (his term), and went to Europe and ate candy in various cities. Then he bought a "shack" in or near Halifax, Nova Scotia, a purple Toyota pickup truck, and a "homestead" in South Dakota where he is now living with his new iMac (color unknown.) I think he also claims to have a vacation home in Florida. (None of these recent acquisitions have been verified by third parties, nor has the massive wealth he claims to have earned playing the stock market.) He had also claimed he was filing numerous lawsuits against (among others) NASA, AOL, a Canadian university (a Federal lawsuit against a Canadian entity provoked much mirth) and me. He described the typography (gold and green lettering) in detail but curiously these lawsuits seem to have been printed on imaginary paper. You can read more about his various misadventures on the Web sites where he archives the stuff he posts to the sci.* groups -- he also posts some of his E-mail there, which provoked even more merriment from the peanut gallery when he was bragging about how he set up a Hotmail account all by himself... and he POSTED THE LETTER THEY MAILED HIM WITH HIS PASSWORD IN IT. Currently his hot topics include (a) he invented spaghetti, (b) Allen Greenspan controls OPEC's oil price increases, (c) he's trying to install three wood stoves in his "homestead", and (d) he likes candy of various kinds. (d) seems to be the one he comes back to the most (back around 1998 he once explained that the fact that he had a craving for shredded coconut proved his theory that the Universe was a giant plutonium atom that was making him superintelligent because the center of his brain also contains a plutonium atom, unlike the rest of us who have a carbon atom at the center of our brains.) Ow. Trying to summarize his theories in understandable form makes my head hurt. I think my carbon atom is throbbing. -- K. Surprisingly, he hasn't changed his name lately. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,sci.edu,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium - dishwasher? Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 02:29:07 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In sci.physics.electromag & sci.edu, "Nick" (of no fixed E-mail address) wrote: > > Plus, the letters in his name can be (nay, must be) > rearranged to spell: > "I pound his male rectum" > "Penis could mature him" > "Posh, numerical tedium" > and many other delightful phrases. Yes, but more importantly, could you rearrange the atoms in his brain to make someone who understands logic, eats something other than candy, and doesn't change his name to a radioactive element and then names the as-yet-undiscovered element "Plutoniumium" after himself? Even if this doesn't seem likely, I still think we should try. Next time he leaves his cranium open for a second, let's all stick our fingers in and see what we can do to improve the situation. -- K. Some anagrams I just found for "Archimedes Plutonium": "Presume Homicidal Nut" "Idiot Cleanse Rump, Hum" "Chimp Modulates Urine" "Hi, Lame Cretinous Dump" "Pi Co-Ed Hermit Alumnus" (also "Cod Pie Hermit Alumnus") "Me Hideous Culprit Man" "Mature Chimp Delusion" "Miniscule Diaper Moth" "Helium Cranium Posted" "Tiresome Cud-Lip Human" "I Am PU, Molested Urchin" "Ho, I Am Punctured Slime" "I Am Lude Spumoni Retch" (if we allow phonetic spellings) "Urinal Septic Mud Home" or "Plastic/Urine/Mud Home" "Alumni Prosecuted Him" "Chimp Emulated Our Sin" "'Mister Eunuch' Diploma" "Remedial Chimp, Out Sun." "Peculiar Nudist Homme" "Hi-Top Nuclear Dummies" "Um, Urinal Chemist Dope" "Human Computer Is Idle" "Nuclear Idiot Humps Me" "Mod Mule Penis Haircut" "Am Rude Neolithic Sump" "Muscular Hempen Idiot" "Me Plum Dish Cautioner" "Neolithic Raped Us, Mum!" Unfortunately, I think he should have changed his name to something that couldn't be rearranged into so many other words, such as "Duhduhduhduhduh D. Duh". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 08:45:20 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In sci.physics.electromag, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > Uncle Al and James Kibo are slime. Both of you slime need to slime back > under your rocks. > > I do not know why God creates people like that. May be God wants some > people to see how repulsive bad people are to teach them. I don't recall the Bible saying anything about Pauly Shore. > All people need to not answer any article written by Uncle Al and James > Kibo. God will see to it that any person who answers the 2 repulsive slime > will get what they are suppose to get. YOU HEAR THAT, GOD? YOU BETTER DO WHAT KURT STOCKLMEIR TOLD YOU TO DO OR HE'LL GIVE YOU SUCH A THRASHING! > That applies to all the other people like them who are bad, mentally ill > or bad and mentally ill. Ah, the "Dungeons & Dragons" system of psychoanalysis. "You are Chaotic Neutral, and I am prescribing a +2 Helm Of Alignment." > When the dishonest germans were in charge of Germany around 1939 most > people worked with them or looked the other way. They were all bad. Yes, but I don't think Archie was living in Germany that far back. Stop comparing people to Hitler! That's what the NAZIS did!!! > God said in the Bible to God all jobs are important. When people do a job > they are working for God. They help the purposes of God. God wants > certain things to happen and people help to get those things done when they > work at a job. STOP COMPARING GOD TO HITLER!!!! > When God came to the earth God did not have parents who were rich, famous > or in charge of a country. God did not become a teacher at a college. God > did not become a scientist. God did not get in charge of a company. God > did not make a lot of money. God did not get help from people who had good > jobs. God picked > people who had kind of bad jobs. Caught fish. Made tents. When did God catch fish and make tents? I think you mean that God _made_ fish and _allowed_ tents. -- K. So... you're saying that people who go camping are Jesus? Does that include all of the Brady Bunch, even Cindy? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 01:56:25 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Karlo Takki (ktakki@artcrime.com) wrote: > > In sci.physics.electromag, > Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > > > [...] > > Kiki Stockhammer had a sex change! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I think you're going to have to explain that to Matt McIrvin. I have an autographed photo of her. She talked to me about Art Bell once. Also somewhere there is a photo of me and Matt McMakin (no relation to Matt McIrvin) and her standing behind a giant two-dimensional baseball. > > When God came to the earth God did not have parents who were rich, famous > > or in charge of a country. God did not become a teacher at a college. God > > did not become a scientist. God did not get in charge of a company. God > > did not make a lot of money. God did not get help from people who had good > > jobs. God picked > > people who had kind of bad jobs. Caught fish. Made tents. > > That was the WORST Joan Osborne song EVER! John Osborne, governor of Wyoming, 1893-1895, had a sex change! WAAH! The Wild West was RUINED! -- K. And you thought I was going to do something obvious like say he wrote the screenplay of "Tom Jones". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 03:10:24 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.physics.electromag, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > I think James Kibo is a stalker. It slimes out from under its rock in the > dark and looks for people to stalk. > > These days stalker is used for almost any thing. A lot of people who are > not a stalker are called a stalker. Well, then, stop calling people that. > James Kibo probably has the thinking of a stalker. Some stalkers are bad. > Some stalkers are mentally ill. Some stalkers are bad and mentally ill. > They look for victims. They spend a lot of time at what they do. They > pick 1 or a small number of victims. Most of the time it is 1 victim at a > time. They stalk their victim a lot. They stalk their victim over a long > period of time. A lot of times people can see what the stalker does but > the stalker does not care a lot about what people think of them. Because > of that the stalker lets people see them stalk. Some stalkers just stalk > but they do not try to hurt their victim. Some stalkers try to kill their > victim. Some stalkers have a lot of thinking and behavior that people do > not know about. Some may steal. Some may kill. Some may lie about > people. Some may rape. Since girls tend not to go out with stalkers the > stalkers tend not to have any sex. This is why all those monks have to stay locked in those cells in their monasteries. Because all monks are STALKERS!!!! > Are there any girls who read these physics groups who would go out with > James Kibo. Please don't make the many nubile young women on sci.physics.electromag choose between you and me because I don't think I could handle that many at once. Besides, I'm willing to share one or two of them with you. By the way, you might have better luck picking up chicks if you tried on a newsgroup that didn't have so many mad scientists in it. -- K. Or sane scientists, either. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:35:44 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh In sci.physics.electromag, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > Ed Price you are slime. I think it was you that was making fun of a person > who thought radio waves were being sent through him. I am sorry if you are > not that bad person. Dear Kurt Stocklmeir, Didn't Bram Stoker writer a book about you biting people on the neck and turning into a bat and living in a coffin in Transylvania? I AM SORRY IF YOU ARE NOT THAT BAD PERSON! > [...] > > If the person is mentally ill at least the person is not a creep like Ed > Price. Hey, Kurt, I swear on a stack of Bibles that YOU ARE NOT A CREEP, at least by the definition above. > [...] > > I guess there will always be slime who will join slime to make fun of > people. Archimedes Plutonium and people like him Hey! Don't call Archie slime! He's more of a mildew. > who are abused by people in these physics groups need to know that > all people are not with the slime. NOTE TO KURT STOCKLMEIR: "not all people are with" "all people are not with" mean two different things. Opposite things. If you need help with your reasoning, you should ask Archie for help. He's the King of Science AND Logic. Or maybe the opposite. In any case, he's either an expert in logic or an expert in opposites. > I do not know how many people read these physics groups. May be > 4000. May be a lot more than 4000. May be there are 3 people, 6 people or > 14 people who make fun of Archimedes Plutonium. And that's just when he walks two blocks to the convenience store. > That is not a lot of people out of all the people who read physics groups. > The other people are not with the slime. Most people who read these physics > groups want to learn and they do not like the small number of people > who are insulting people. I would not like to go to a physics class and > while the class is going on people are screaming at each other dirty names > and insults. Of course, you'll never know if they do that in real physics classes or not. > Uncle Al is a dirty old man and I am not talking about sex. I notice you said "talking" and not "thinking". > He needs to change. He can change. It is up to him. Be nice to people. > Try to help people. Do not insult people. See the big picture. THAT'S RIGHT, SLIME, NEVER INSULT PEOPLE, YOU SLIME! I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT SEX! I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT SEX! > To the slime that insult people in these physics groups a lot or most > of the people do not want you around. Also they probably do not want me to > be around. > I know that. I am not dumb. Yay! You just earned a Clue Lollipop. > I am here just a little to create a little justice. I am trying to find > a path away from these physics groups. Maybe you should follow that dotted line Little Billy left as he wandered through the Internet on his way home to play with Dolly and P.J. -- K. Oh dear, I made a pop-culture reference that someone will have to explain to Kurt because I'm sure he doesn't enjoy hard-to-understand stuff like "The Family Circus". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,sci.edu,soc.history.science,sci.econ,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium - dishwasher? Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 01:30:46 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: sci.physics.electromag In sci.physics.electromag, sci.edu, soc.history.science, and sci.econ, Uncle Al (UncleAl0@hate.spam.net) wrote: > > Archie-Poo is a biological afterthought who uses all four edges of his > toilet paper while bemoaning the wastrel front and back sides. In > public. Voluminously. Now, now, now. Archie never talks about poo-poo, except for those posts where he discussed his method of using toilet paper (always alternate wet and dry, and don't touch the seat with your butt) and the posts where he tried to figure out why dogs eat their own poop, and of course the first page of his autobiography where he recounted his earliest memory, which involved eating his own poop. Alexander Abian was the mad scientist who liked to talk about toilet paper (he called it "t----t paper" and kept saying things along the lines of "Einstein should be recycled into t----t paper!" except in all capitals), not Archie. Less than 10% of the thousands of dispatches from Archie have involved poo-poo. Usually he just talks about candy. Me, I never talk about candy or poo-poo, with the exception of my encounter with the Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue. -- K. And then there was Hannu Poropudas, who once said "poooooz" for reasons I don't understand. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: the new improved Oxford English Dictionary hits the Internet Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 04:39:46 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > [on the tradition of "this is barely worth bothering to ask for > authorization for" mentions of Kibo in various role-playing games] > > Really? I thought he was just in that one Mage: The Pretension > game book on the computer guys which I ONLY READ BECAUSE SOMEONE > TOLD ME ABOUT IT AND I WAS RIGHT BY THE COMIC BOOK AND ROLEPLAYING > GAME STORE BECAUSE IT'S NEXT DOOR TO THE GYM WHERE MY GIRLFRIEND > TAUGHT AEROBICS AND MODELED UNDERWEAR. I sense a cheap imitation "Porky's"/"Revenge Of The Nerds" crossover movie on the horizon, where the nerds in the "Modems & Magic" role-playing game store drill a hole in the wall that separates the twelve-sided dice bins from the showers at the Institute For Research Into How To Get Sexy Women To Date Nerds. With Joe Don Baker as the crusty, square dean, and Martin Landau as the no-fun-at-all President Of The World, and a cameo by Cheech or Chong but not both because this movie won't be as good as a "Cheech & Chong" movie. Anyhow, until today the "Mage" mention (I recall it was in a supplement called "The Net") was the only one I knew about because White Wolf Games were kind enough to ask me for permission and to send me a copy, which is why White Wolf is the only brand of games that has ever been cool, especially in comparison to TSR. I mean, Gary Gygax named his whole company after someone _else's_ initials! Who was TSR anyway? -- K. Was he Teddy S. Roosevelt? "Let's see if I have the strength to lift this +2 Big Stick... I rolled 18/00! Bully!" P.S. Also, if Gary Gygax had been named Gary Smith, he would have had to go into a non-Satanic profession. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The sickest thing ever seen in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 04:58:21 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "red" (kipper@imap2.asu.edu) wrote: > > Sean Smith (smthsen@bcvms.bc.edu) wrote: > > > > If there was one great thing about the 1970s, it was that comic books, > > and the TV shows based on them, adopted a Social Conscience. > > And it seemed that *every* cartoon had to integrate something Valuable > into it to convince adults that it wasn't slowly poinsoning their > children's minds. > > Like you could watch Inspector Gadget bumble around the screen like an > idiot for the first 20 minutes, so stupid that he had to have a kid and > a dog bail him out every time. But suddenly, at the last 30 seconds of > the show, he'd give you a Safety Tip. Like how to dislodge sharp objects > from your eye. So you'd know that Inspector Gadget isn't a *total* > twit... he's just Acting!!! These segments were a result of the rule that TV stations have to show a certain number of hours of educational content per week, and any show with "Kids! Always Recycle... To The Extreme!" tacked on after the killing spree is counted as such. My favorite tacked-on morals are the ones on "He-Man", where he would be beating up barbarians in outer space for 29 minutes and then he'd turn to the camera and tell you that violence never solves any problems, and the ones on "Captain Planet" where the green-haired guy with the squeaky-yet-sanctimonious voice would tell you never to use spray cans because they always destroy the environment (you know, like they did before they banned that kind over years before they drew the cartoon.) That was in my favorite "Captain Planet" episode, where President Bush didn't want to make global warming illegal so our heroes kidnapped the President and flew him to Venus in their spaceship so he could see how the Greenhouse Effect would make the Earth really hot and covered with sulfuric acid, and when they were approaching Venus and floating around in their ship, George Bush looked out the window and said "I can FEEL the GRAVITY of VENUS." in that wacky voice of his. That's the quality of the heavy-handed eco-activism on that show. If Jack Webb were still alive, he would say they were being too preachy. If Truman Bradley were still alive, he would say that they weren't being scientifically accurate. -- K. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go write my Congressman to stop cloning dinosaurs. Actually all cloning should be banned because I don't want to wake up and discover that I now have an evil twin. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Creepy things on "Sesame Street" Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 05:03:59 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > The only thing about Sesame Street that really disturbed me was that > bearded guy in the raincoat (who looked like a PERVERT) who would sidle > up to people and paint numbers on things. In one instance he stalked > some woman who was having a picnic and painted stuff on her bread with > sauces and things. All this discussion about creepy "Sesame Street" bits makes me wonder if any of you people (a) never watched "Sesame Street" or (b) watched it and thorougly enjoyed everything without being terrified of the creepy parts. Other than those of you who got old before "Sesame Street" was invented thirty years ago, I suspect every last one of you folks has seen hundreds if not thousands of episodes and been very scared during each of them. I vaguely recall the segments you mean. Which are not to be confused with the Mike Jittlov-like guy who would say "Gonna paint me a four!" and paint it on the inside of your TV screen (ha! your TV is _ruined_ forever!) and are vaguely related to the Muppet segments with the sleazy green guy in the trenchcoat who was fencing illicit digraphs. You know, the "Golden An". (It was just like the Maltese Falcon only different.) > Now, the chef guy who used to fall down the stairs with the cakes and > stuff? He was funny. It wouldn't be so funny IF YOU WERE A CAKE! -- K. Now, a birthday cake running over a steamroller, THAT would be funny. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: A film criticism moment. Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 05:12:57 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com I would just like to say that the movie "Viva Knievel!" (1977) has the most Kibological cast of any movie, ever: > Evel Knievel .... Himself > Gene Kelly .... Will Atkins > Lauren Hutton .... Kate Morgan > Red Buttons .... Ben Andrews > Leslie Nielsen .... Stanley Millard > Cameron Mitchell .... Barton > Frank Gifford .... Himself > Eric Olson .... Tommy Atkins > Sheila Allen .... Sister Charity > Albert Salmi .... Cortland > Dabney Coleman .... Ralph Thompson > Ernie F. Orsatti .... Norman Clark > Sidney Clute .... Andy > Robert Tafur .... Governor Garcia > Marjoe Gortner .... Jessie The only way it would be better would be if they fired those real entertainers who got in their and replaced them with kitschier counterparts, like, change Dabney Coleman to Gary Coleman, change Gene Kelly to Gene Rayburn, and definitely get Lauren Hutton out and put in E.F. Hutton. (Ha! And you thought I was going to say "Jabba The Hutton"!) But how could anyone not appreciate the brilliance of a cast which includes a straight role for Leslie Nielsen _and_ an appearance by Marjoe Gortner? Oh, sure, you thought Leslie Nielsen was embarassed when he was standing next to Robbie The Robot. But... Marjoe Gortner! This is a cast list to be savored. But don't see the movie. -- K. I seem to recall Matt McIrvin wrote a musical version of this movie... I WONDER IF ANYONE WILL REPOST IT NOW. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.culture.internet From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Letter To The Editor. Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 10:42:17 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Presented with minimal comment -- a letter printed in last week's _Newsweek_. > The internet will be to the '90s what the CB radio and eight-track tapes > were to the '70s. It is a defective technology in search of a defining > moment of meaning. Broadcasting is a far superior technology. No TV > station (or radio facility) has ever been incapacitated by distant > hackers, nor by the fact that too many millions of people tuned in > simultaneously. This does, however happen with Web events. When I recently > went shopping at the mall for an article of clothing to give my girlfriend > as a present, two salesclerks smiled, answered questions and joked with me > as we selected the style and color. Web commerce fails to deliver personal > service and demands an ever-growing amount of private information before > it will "approve" the transaction. The Internet contributes nothing of > social significance. In a decade or so we will look back at it and laugh, > much as we do now at Lava lamps and vinyl records. > > Andrew D. Myers (Derry, N.H.) -- K. Need I observe that this was in the print edition which costs three bucks, as well as on their Web site for free? Or that Derry, N.H. is also the home of all the people in Bucky Lewis's studio audience? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Letter To The Editor. Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:02:29 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > [re a letter to the editor in _Newsweek_ which said:] > > > > The internet will be to the '90s what the CB radio and eight-track tapes > > were to the '70s. [...] The Internet contributes nothing of > > social significance. In a decade or so we will look back at it and laugh, > > much as we do now at Lava lamps and vinyl records. > > Wrong about the Internet; 100% right about e-this and i-that and > cyber-everything, which is the equivalent of the techno-aura surrounding > the telephone and radio when they became widespread. > > (E.g. "RKO Radio Pictures," > "Send me a kiss by wire, baby, my heart's on fire," etc. > This stuff now seems bizarre, but radio and phones are still here.) Yeah, as if anyone still buys "T.V. Dinners" or "Radio Flyer" wagons. Or has "radio buttons" in their computer's control panels. And nobody watches those old "20th Century Fox" movies. Or "Tele-Tubbies". -- K. I have a craving for Tang! TANG IS GNAT SPELLED BACKWARDS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.culture.internet From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Letter To The Editor. Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 05:36:06 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "robert lindsay" (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [quoting a letter printed in last week's _Newsweek_] > > > > > The internet will be to the '90s what the CB radio and eight-track > > > tapes were to the '70s. > > Does anybody know where I can download the internet onto my eight-track > tapes through my CB radio? And because those new eight-track tapes have such incredible capacity, you'll be able to fit the Internet plus all the CB "handles" in the world onto just the first two tracks! You'll never be able to fill up all of that massive 64k storage! I just hope I'm proven right about the Internet being unhip before the nineties are over! -- K. Gotta go, I don't think tonight's episode of "I Love Lucy" is a rerun. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: yesterday, puzzled by kosher food; today, baffled by vegetarian Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 12:05:41 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com From a large recipe Web site's list of categories: > Vegan Recipe Index > Listing of delicious Vegan recipes from earthworm casserole to spider soup. > > Vegetarian Party Recipes > Even vegans need party food...to serve with beetle juice and fried roach. Earthworms are a vegetable now? -- K. I was actually searching the Web for "earthworm soup" when I found that. I've heard it's popular in China, but for some reason none of the local Chinese supermarkets sells canned earthworm soup. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What is there to do in Minneapolis? Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 22:58:51 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Okay, I know about the Mall Of America, which is exactly twice the size > > of each of the two largest local malls (yawn) > > The MoA is actually in Bloomington right out by the airport but somehow > not really on the route from the airport to MPLS proper. Only losers take > 494 out of the airport to get into town, the cool folks all use the > crosstown. I believe that there's even a song by Jimi Hendrix that will > help you find your way into town from the airport. S'ok, I'll be taking the bus anyhow, and I've picked out a cheap hotel very close to the airport and mall. I'm still not sure if/when I'm going, but I've researched the public bus routes and so on. (Minneapolis appears to have really nice public bus service > > Is there _anything_ to see and/or do in Minneapolis and/or St. Paul? > > Hmm... No, not really. Perhaps you could go downtown and walk around on > the skyway system. Ah, anything involving skyways should be sufficiently Kibological. > While my mind keeps telling me that there must be hundreds of bozotic > things to see or do, upon closer scrutiny I can't dredge up all that much. > > You might visit my favorite White Castle WHITE CASTLE!!! YOU SAID WHITE CASTLE!!! THEY HAVE WHITE CASTLES IN MINNEAPOLIS!!! WHITE CASTLE!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I haven't been to any cities yet that have them, as I haven't gotten to places like Chicago or Lon Guyland.) > which is on Central Avenue near 4th street. An added bonus is that this > location is only a few blocks from the stupid coffee shop that was > prominently featured in the movie _Untamed Heart_ (which is near Riverplace - > assuming it's still open). We have four or five "Mystic Pizza"s in one area here. Ew. > > 1. See the Mall of America. That should take two hours or so. > > Not if you plan to see every store! Why just visiting all of the women's > shoe stores would take at least that long. Just pretend that you're Cathy > Guisewite and that you're doing field research for your comic strip and > mumble "So many shoes, so little time" as you wander around the mall. What if I go out of my way not to visit any BORING stores? How many minutes would the mall take? Basically, the two largest malls here are each 200,000 square feet. Mall of America is 400,000. And because all US malls have essentially the same stores, I'm sure it will just be the same as the two local ones put together (four Hallmark stores instead of two, etc.) However, the West Edmonton Mall is not only in another country, but it's 800,000 square _meters_, which is about 20x bigger unless you work at NASA in which case it's only twice as big as 400,000 square feet. (I hate those NASA-operated shopping malls, where everything in the food court comes in a toothpaste tube, and the restrooms make giant hickeys on your butt. And whenever Dr. Smith sneaks in, causing the mall to go past its Maximum Occupancy rating, the extra weight causes the mall to miss the Moon so it has to land on Mars.) > When you get done at the Lego store be sure to go stand under the roller > coaster as it's kind of weird to stand there as it silently goes by on its > polyurethane wheels. The cars just sort of woosh by with the people > making the obligatory screaming sounds. At first I thought you meant it was a roller coaster made of Legos, which would be _really_ cool. But if it's just a rubber-wheeled coaster than it's just like the STCUM in Montreal except without the animated signs displaying French grammar lessons while you ride. > > 2. On a random street corner, throw my hat into the air and freeze-frame. > > Don't make it a random corner, get the proper one! While you're downtown > walking around the skyway system you should be able to spot the > appropriate street corner. Just look for the Dayton's downtown store. > > My sister says she knows where the MTM house is! Let me know if you want > it and I'll find out the address so you can go look at THE house! Just tell me where she was when she threw her hat into the crowd and killed that guy. > > 3. Find where "Mystery Science Theater 3000" used to be filmed. > > Instead of going out to Hopkins why not head out to Wayzata instead? No, > there's not any more to see in Wayzata than there is in Hopkins, but it's > got a much cooler sounding name. But within driving distance of the Edmonton, Alberta mall is a place named Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump. Lake Banff is also in Alberta, and "BANFF!!!" is funnier to yell than even "HEAD-SMASHED-IN BUFFALO -- JUMP!!!" -- K. Even Walt Kelly made fun of the word "BANFF!!!" and his comic strips were so unfunny that the word "BANFF!!!" is the only funny thing I've ever found in one. P.S. BANFF!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What is there to do in Minneapolis? Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:11:27 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Beable van Polasm (beable@my-deja.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Is there _anything_ to see and/or do in Minneapolis and/or St. Paul? > > You can go to outside the Schotz Brewery with your friends Shirley > and Laverne, Damn! I was SAVING THAT and wasn't going to post it until the END OF THE THREAD but NOOOOOO you had to RUIN ALL MY FUN by knowing what amuses me! BEABLE VAN SQUIGMAN, YOU'RE A MEANIE! > and dance down the sidewalk singing: > "FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! POTATO! POTARTO! WHO DO WE > PONTIFIcATE!" or however that song goes. I think you mis-heard them. On my TV, they always chanted "ONE! TWO! FOUR! EIGHT! BINARY! DECIMAL! HITLER WAS SO VERY GREAT!" except for the final season, where Laverne chanted "ONE! TWO! FOUR! EIGHT! BINARY! DECIMAL! HITLER WAS SO VERY GREAT!" and Shirley chanted "HELP, I DROWNED IN THE LaBREA TAR PITS OFFSCREEN BETWEEN SEASONS!" > [ 8< >8 <-- dueling ASCII scissors represent a snip of > total de-contextualization... ] > > Note to Kibo: avoid filling gumboots with Vaseline before going > to Minneapolis. Yeah, I know, petroleum jelly eats rubber. I read that in a back issue of Simon mall's <> magazine. -- K. Troy McLure will explain the joke. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What is there to do in Minneapolis? Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 06:54:17 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Rogers George (rgeorge@visi.com) wrote: > > And now, comments from an actual native! woo hoo! "the" 494, indeed... > > Recommended are... > > the Science Museum! > 's on the St. Paul riverfront. Brand new building. And they have a > giant metal iguana! > http://www.smm.org/ That sounds worth seeing. I can always have lots of fun at any science museum. I like to take photos of all the broken exhibits. Even the ones that were broken _before_ I got there. I also like to photograph all the "NO PHOTOS" signs and photograph my hand touching the "DON'T TOUCH" signs. Then I write "DEAR CURATOR, YOU SMELL LIKE LUTEFISK" on the comment cards. > Minneapolis Institute of Art > If you get here before june 4 you can boggle at an exhibit about Star > Wars taking up space in an otherwise-respectable art gallery. > http://www.artsMIA.org/ Eww. That's the exhibit I just missed at the Smithsonian National Air & Space Museum last weekend. But there it would have been _free_ because all the Smithsonian admissions are free just like all the food in the cafeteria and the stuff in the gift shop because the Democrats are in power. If I have to _pay_ to see an exhibit of artifacts from a major motion picture, I want to go to a "Baby Geniuses" exhibit where they have stuffed and mounted the creepy talking babies and they have guards watching them 4 hours a day to ensure that nobody brings them back to life. > Walker Arts Center/Guthrie Theatre > blah blah award winning blah popular blah world famous blah blah > artistic achievements blah giant Gehry glass fish blah sculpture garden > giant spoon and cherry blah blah whatever. > http://www.walkerart.org/ , http://www.guthrietheater.org/ Also in D.C., there's a giant typewriter eraser directly across the Mall from the Air & Space Museum. And it's not just any Simon-brand mall, like Minneapolis's Mall Of America, it's the _National_ Mall and it is so big that it would take _two_ terrorists with backpack nukes to destroy it, one in the Capitol and one in the Washington Monument. (That's why the Commies made that movie, "Ghostbusters", to get people used to guys in Cosmonaut uniforms running around with nuclear reactors on their back. It was all part of a plan to blow up Washington, D.C. because they stole the idea of not charging for admission from the Commies.) > Theatre in the Round > it's tiny. it's community theatre. they usually do a good job. and yes, > it really is a proper theatre in the round. Show up on an opening night > and they feed you cake. > http://www.bitstream.net/theatre/trp.htm Waah! I went to their Web site and they tried to sell me some fonts with names like "Ordinary Script 666" and "Zapf Futura"! > Como Park Zoo > it's small, but free. and they have a giant antique carousel. and an > extremely beautiful conservatory and japanese garden. > http://www.comopark.com Not only is it free, but according to their Web site, it's staffed by unpaid child labor! -> Youths ages 13-18 with an interest in animals, the environment, and zoos -> are encouraged to join the Youth Volunteer Program at the Como Zoo. -> Volunteer just twice a week through June, July, and August. Applications -> taken through mid-March, call for an application: 487-8252 Yet _another_ tourist attraction ripped off from the Communists! > Minnesota Zoo > expensive. remote. included only for completeness. > http://www.mnzoo.com/ They claim they're holding a "black tie gala". How much do they pay the guy who has to put the tuxedo on the tiger? > Oak Street Cinema > occasional kung fu movies at midnight. in chinese. Weird movies of > other types at all other times. > http://www.oakstreetcinema.org/ Yes, but they're only weird _for Minnesota_. I'm sure out there nobody's ever seen "Fearless Frank" (starring the producer of "Baby Geniuses".) > Museum of Questionable Medical Devices, and the slightly more reputable > Bakken Library > weird things people used to do to themselves with electricity. I > suspect Extremely Kibological. > http://www.mtn.org/~quack/ , http://www.bakkenmuseum.org/ Oh, yes, I _must_ go there if I go. > Hard Times Cafe > "a more wretched hive of scum and villainy..." > The Man is cracking down; experience this very frigtening coffee shop > before they finally run it out of town. Near Cedar and Riverside. > > and of course gobs of restaurants, nightclubs, the usual. see > minn.yahoo.com if you care about the usual stuff. I plan to eat nothing but White Castles of various sorts while I'm there. They do make several kinds of hamburgers, right? Do they have a good choice of vegetables? > > (Minneapolis appears to have really nice public bus service > > looking at the transit map, you'd think that, wouldn't you? > bus service to the airport is particularly bad, unless you want to go > directly from there to the MOA and back. Service from the MOA is > slightly better, but it's all slow. > I hear some cities have it worse. like maybe LA. Las Vegas. There are only two public buses that go to the airport. Neither of them goes anywhere near the southern 7/8 of the Strip (one stops at the Stratosphere, both terminate at Fremont Street.) The buses are always waaaaay off schedule, cost $1.50 to $2.00, and only run in straight lines so you always have to transfer to the other bus which is also waaaaaay off schedule, and more often than not the 301 has a cutesy "BUS FULL" sign on the side with little glowing green buses mocking you as it roars past in the middle of the three-mile-an-hour twelve-lane Strip. (Boston has good bus service, although not terribly extensive in some areas, and all the drivers on the 66 route are psychotic.) > > Ah, anything involving skyways should be sufficiently Kibological. > > skyways are good, yes. both cities are missing buildings on some > blocks, leading to dead-end skyways permanently closed off in midair. > Minneapolis also has some unbelievably long ones linking the Target > Center to the downtown buildings. Outside Schenectady there used to be a Skyway Bowl-a-drome. Should I take a bowling ball to Minneapolis so I can roll it along the skyways? I promise that if it breaks the glass, I will sing "Bad Moon Rising" to make the evil computer explode, just like Paul Reiser did in that movie. > > WHITE CASTLE!!! YOU SAID WHITE CASTLE!!! THEY HAVE WHITE CASTLES > > IN MINNEAPOLIS!!! WHITE CASTLE!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > we even have the OLDEST WHITE CASTLE EVER, in uptown. it's now a > jeweler's, but they left the building and signage intact. There are defunct White Castles everywhere on the East Coast just to taunt me. "Ha, ha! You _could_ have had a White Castle in your neighborhood if you had been _smart_ enough to be born fifty years earlier!" > > What if I go out of my way not to visit any BORING stores? > > > > How many minutes would the mall take? > > counting the 30 minute wait 'til the bus you need shows up? > > I observe also that there is an aquarium there > . I have not been in it and thus > cannot comment on its quality. There are allegedly fish in the submarines' moat at the West Edmonton Mall (in Alberta) but they are separated from the submarines by glass, i.e. the fish are in little tanks inside the big tank. I know because I read that you can pay to go scuba diving in the submarines' moat but only if a mall diver accompanies you to make sure you don't tap on the glass in front of the fish. > > At first I thought you meant it was a roller coaster made of Legos, > > which would be _really_ cool. > > DO NOT GO ON THE ROLLER COASTER. it is less exciting than the bus ride > you took to get to the mall. it is less exciting than sitting in the > MOA bus terminal. it is utter crap. you can have ten times the fun > sitting on one of the park benches underneath occasionally raising your > arms and saying "whee!". I may wind up avoiding the roller coaster by a thousand miles because the Mall of America turns out to be just another Simon, and I've been in about seven Simons already, most of them at least half its size. My calculation is that I would spend a maximum of three hours exploring it. So, I figure that it may not be worth spending a few days in Minneapolis just to be disappointed by the super-famous ordinary mall. The science museum, quakery museum, and White Castles sound worth seeing. I'll have to check my travel budget. -- K. There are other things I could spend a few hundred bucks on, although I do need to go there someday so I can try lutefisk. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What is there to do in Minneapolis? Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 07:00:42 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > > David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > > > Yes, there are millions of White Castles. Don't go to the one on > > Lake: it's a scary neighborhood. There's one on Hennepin, if I > > recall. Go to that one. > > Dave's afraid of Lake Street! Dave's afraid of Lake Street! > > Don't listen to him Kibo! Go to the White Castle on Central. It's way > cooler than the one on Hennepin, if such a place actually exists. I'm > afraid his hidden agenda is all too clear in this matter. He also apparently doesn't know that I live in a scary neighborhood. I can get away with this because I am scarier than my neighborhood! > I did come up with another place that you might visit. You could go to a > Cub Foods because I know you like grocery stores. These stores are really > friggin' huge as they are essentially warehouses with the acres of boxes > cut open for the villagers to forage through looking for bargains. Dave > will probably tell you to visit a Rainbow Foods or some such, but be > forewarned that it IS NOT THE SAME AT ALL! Cub, not Rainbow! Rainbow Foods has a name that makes me think they're a _gay_ grocery store. So I'll go to Cub Foods because their name has a bear in it. No gay people like bears, right? Also, don't the corn flakes go stale if they cut the boxes open? At the warehouse stores here they just cut the _cases_ open but it's the customer's responsibility to open the box themselves -- and in the store you're not allowed to root around in the of corn flakes to get the prize. (You can only look for the prize at the bottom of the barrel of gummi worms in the bulk foods department.) -- K. I looked for the prize at the bottom of the barrel of factory- reject horse show award ribbons at the Children's Museum, and all I found was A VERY SHARP PIN. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: End Kibo cruelty! Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 23:04:11 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp Adam Jones (adam@yggdrasl.demon.co.uk) wrote: > > My ISP's magazine has an article telling me to stop torturing Kibo by > going around writing his name all the time. The only way to torture me over the Internet is to write a magazine article that mentions me and then have someone mention the article to me just to rub it in that I didn't get a copy of their magazine. I'll trade you a copy of world.std.com's on-line newsletter, "Today On The World", for a copy of whatever inferior product _your_ Internet Service Provider produces. ("Today On The World" is chock-full of discussions of important things like "Battlestar Galactica" Web sites.) > Personally, I feel this needs some scientific verification; I propose > that everyone in the world should keep typing "Kibo" until we hear > the screams. > > Also, as a further investigation, does it hurt more when I type > in lower case?: kibo > upper?: KIBO > studlycaps?: kIbO > w4r3z?: / ROT-13?: xvob > Morse?: -.- .. -... --- > > I think we should be told. Hmm. I never thought of looking for the Morse one. -- K. "Waah! I tried grepping for '.' and it found slightly too many files!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I like my new stapler! Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2000 06:32:24 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Stephen (stephenwells@hotmail.com) wrote: > > [directed at Simon Clark] > > I'm sure that some form of modified nailgun would be the answer to your > problem. > And if that doesn't desrve to be quoted out of context, I don't know > what does. SWOOSH! KONTEXT-KREATOR SWOOPS DOWN AND CREATES A SYNTHETIC NEIGHBORHOOD OF IMAGINARY CONTEXT WITH ITS AWESOME POWERS OF BACKSTORYMAKINGUPPING! TRUMAN BRADLEY Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of "Nailgun Fiction Theatre". Tonight we will bring you a story from the twisted land of fiction... nailed to the horrifying world of theater. Won't you please follow me? (TRUMAN EXITS screen left. The camera won't follow him. Nothing happens for a minute or two. Then SIMON CLARK, played by DeForest Kelley, wanders into view, clutching his stomach through a bloodstained T-shirt.) SIMON CLARK Help me! I swallowed a ten-penny nail! (The GOD OF STAPLERS descends from the sky, on a string.) GOD OF STAPLERS I'm sure that some form of modified nailgun would be the answer to your problem. (The GOD OF STAPLERS hands SIMON a nailgun, which he swallows. Then SIMON punches himself in the small of the back to activate it. It goes "POW!" and the nail comes shooting out of SIMON's belly button.) SIMON CLARK Gosh! I'm cured! Except that I'm bleeding. GOD OF STAPLERS Toodle-oo! (GOD OF STAPLERS EXITS, hosted out of frame via the string.) SIMON CLARK Come back, Stapler Fairy! Help me! I think I am bleeding! It is profuse! I am cured... but at what price? AT WHAT PRICE??? (TRUMAN BRADLEY's head pops up from below the camera.) TRUMAN BRADLEY We hope you've enjoyed today's exciting drama from the twin realms of fiction... and theater... with a nailgun. Tune in next week, same station, same time, except week later. Good evening. (VERY LOUD FANFARE PLAYED AT HALF SPEED. FADE OUT.) -- K. I wish Phil Hartman were alive so that he could play Truman Bradley in this script. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Bugged Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2000 06:41:26 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Bill Newcomb (nuke@best.com) wrote: > > [quoting from "Honey Bee Queen Management Techniques"] > > "The caged queen may be released by worker bees eating a candy > entrance plug." AUGH! I TRIED TO OPERATE MY PEZ DISPENSER ONCE TOO OFTEN AND AFTER ALL THE CANDY WAS GONE, A BEE CAME OUT! AND NOW I CAN'T PUT IT BACK IN! -- K. Idea: We put Archimedes Plutonium in a room with several knobless doors that are made of candy and they all have signs on them saying "THERE ARE BEES BEHIND THIS DOOR, AND YOU CAN HEAR THEM BUZZING SO YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT LYING ABOUT OUR BEES" and see which doors he eats holes into within the first ten seconds. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: "Someday, my prints will come..." Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2000 07:08:15 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Remember how, in 1998, I decided to buy a digital camera after the lab lost my PhotoCD and/or negatives a few too many times? They just -- _today_ -- found a roll of film that I dropped off year before last. I wonder if they've developed it yet. -- K. I'll pick it up this weekend and see just what the heck was on those long-lost photos. I think that was three cameras ago. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: S'less Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 06:20:54 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Today I discovered a new artificial flavor of Snack Pack brand artificial pudding: "S'mores" flavor pudding. For those of you who were never in the Campfire Girls, real S'mores are graham crackers with chocolate bars and marshmallows melted on top. For those of you who were never nineteenth-century health-food faddists, graham crackers are made from whole weat soaked in molasses and were invented by Dr. Graham to prevent masturbation. (True!) In any case, now they make pudding in artificial graham cracker flavor. (There are two layers of tan artificial graham goo, with a layer of brown artificial chocolate-marshmallow glop between them.) The weird part is not the existence of graham-flavored slime, or the fact that these don't even contain the super-cheap ingredients of real grahams. The weird part is that the tan slime tastes exactly like coconut. In fact, this pudding is the most accurate imitation coconut flavor I've ever had. Except that it's tan. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE A COCONUT SURPRISE? This is because I didn't buy the jar of "Coconut Sport Strings" at the Chinese grocery store, isn't it? -- K. Snack Pack pudding is made from soybean oil. And it's made by the Hunt-Wesson company. MMM! COCONUT-FLAVORED LIQUID CRACKERS WITH WESSONALITY! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: An inside joke from Microsoft? Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 07:21:39 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Brad Sims (bmsims1@home.com) wrote: > > I was posting to a startrek newsgroup using Outlook Express and typed the > word Klingon. When I ran spell check it suggested Clinton. Just thought I > would pass it along. That's nothing. I ran a spell-check on my last article and it suggested that Kibo should be spelled "bamff-tastically iatrogenocidal non-dairy elastic pantaloonimetry phosphene sorbent with woxwox-tipped anisotropical punch with real fruit style dirt and twice the spellling." And that was stupid, because I was posting to a Klingon-language newsgroup, and everyone knows there's no Klingon word for "non-dairy"! -- K. So, Klingons can't separate their food into dairy and non-dairy, and thus there are very few Jewish Klingons. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Patience vital for 17th century condoms Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 08:30:09 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In clari.news.sex, clari.world.europe.british_isles.uk, clari.living.bizarre, and clari.living.history, "AFP" (C-afp@clari.net) wrote: > > Subject: Patience vital for 17th century condoms > > LONDON, March 18 (AFP) - Some of the world's oldest surviving > modern-style condoms were unveiled for the first time Saturday in > London, (DRUM ROLL) > and are puzzling historians by their size. (WACKY CLOWN MUSIC INTERLUDE FOR FIVE MINUTES, FEATURING "THE MEXICAN HAT DANCE" PLAYED AT DOUBLE SPEED BY A KAZOO, SLIDE WHISTLE, AND TUBA ENSEMBLE) > The 350-year-old sheaths are made of animal's intestine with a > ribbon sewn into the open end so they could be drawn tightly to > secure them in place, and are finely stitched together (DRUM ROLL) > at the closed end. (CLOWN MUSIC) > But using them was hardly an act of spontaneity for 17th century > lovers -- they had to be softened in warm milk overnight before > use. > The condoms -- which historians believe had been used, (DRUM ROLL) > and maybe more than once -- (CLOWN MUSIC) > were discovered in the latrine of a tower at Dudley Castle in > central England during an excavation in the mid-1980s. > Also on display at the British Museum in central London are a > pair of 18th century condoms made of the same material. > They were put on show at the start of (DRUM) > National Science Week. (CLOWN) > What is puzzling historians is the fact that the 17th century > condoms are about 18.5 millimetres narrower than the modern versions > and the 18th century examples are about 11.5 millimetres wider. > Also somewhat surprising is the fact that the pre-industrial > prophylactics are as thin as they are today. > Although made of a natural material, the older condoms were well > preserved in an airtight environment because the latrine was sealed > when the castle was attacked during the English Civil War halfway > through the 17th century. > Servants could not empty the primitive toilet, (DRUM) > as they usually would have, (DUH) > because they were at risk of being attacked. > British Museum expert David Gaimster said: "The condoms were > designed for gentlemen using brothels to prevent them getting > venereal diseases, not as a contraception, because in the 17th and > 18th century syphilis was rife. > "They were probably very expensive as they were hand made and > designed for re-use. > "The condoms are like paper, completely desiccated, and had to > be softened overnight in warm milk to prepare them for use." > According to the museum, the only other known antique condoms, > dating from 1813, are kept in a museum in Sweden. (SWEDISH CLOWN MUSIC) -- K. Notice I didn't say (EVIL CLOWN MUSIC). ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: soc.libraries.talk,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: "Libraries register gripes over porn" Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 09:40:58 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com In soc.libraries.talk, myared@my-deja.com informed us of this important news item: > > Libraries register gripes over porn > By Cheryl Wetzstein > THE WASHINGTON TIMES > > An Oregon librarian who conducted a nationwide survey found more > than 2,000 complaints about pornography in public libraries. We could make those complaints stop if we take up a collection to buy a faster computer for Don Saklad to use. "Dear All Librarians Everywhere, This pornography is too slow. Before the dirtiest picture in the universe finishes downloading, I have time to write this long complaint note. This note is extremely long and whoops gotta go." > These are "just the tip of the iceberg," said David Burt. His > report, released yesterday, found 472 reports of children improperly > accessing pornography on public library computers. Haw! Haw! Kids don't know how to access pornography the _right_ way at the library! > [...] > > "The truth is that America's libraries are increasingly becoming > dirty bookstores and peepshows open to children and funded by > taxpayers," said Janet Parshall, a leader of the Family Research > Council, which mailed Mr. Burt's requests for information to 14,000 > libraries and published his report. I think there's a slight difference between a library and a really expensive bookstore. I can't quite put my finger on what the difference between a public library and a really overpriced bookstore is, but I think it might have something to do with the fact that GOOD PORN COSTS A LOT. (And bad porn costs just as much.) > [...] > > Others who appeared at yesterday's event were Rep. Ernest Istook, > Oklahoma Republican, who is pushing legislation to have public > libraries use filters on computers; Heidi Borton, a Seattle librarian > who quit her job of 10 years because it forced her to help teens access > pornography; and Alx Bradley, 13, who was exposed to explicit sexual > acts in her library in Santa Clara County, Calif. > "That was the last day I felt safe at the library," Alx said > yesterday. "Mommy! The bad man stole my 'e'!" -- K. "He put his hand on my vowel!" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: rec.org.mensa,alt.history.what-if,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: A Universe without Enertia. Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 23:20:41 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In rec.org.mensa, alt.history.what-if, and sci.physics, ExitusActa@aol.com wrote: > > Subject: A Universe without Enertia. You misspelled "enuresis". > Supposedly enertia results from "all the other matter in the universe" Enertia is caused by the inergy of all the ubjects enhabiting the oniverse. > So when I try to push the Space Shuttle in orbit it resists because > of all this other matter. And because your arms probably don't reach that high. Besides, even if the Space Shuttle were flying low enough for you to grab it, they'd just see you coming and shoot you with NASA's death ray laser. You know they have one because that big Vehicle Assembly Building is a giant cube and none of their spaceships has ever been cubical, so they are obviously hiding a GIANT CUBICAL DEATH RAY! > If this theory is correct and all the matter in the universe except > the Sun and Earth were to disappear then enertia should be weakened > proportionately. (in fact, almost disappearing) When you say "disappear", do you mean they would become envisible, or just enstantly cease to ixest? > What would a universe without enertia be like. > If I pushed the Shuttle would it instantly move away at the speed of my > hand---and would I be able to feel it. It would be encredibly ixciting to witness this ivent. It is a shame that the late Professor Olexander Obian isn't elive to witness your ixperiment, because it would prove his theory that TEMI HAS ENERTIA! > (think of a universe with only me and a locomotive in it.) Okay. -- K. Think of a Universe with Bob Hope in it, completely disconnected from our own Universe. How much would it cost to set that up? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.christian,alt.philosophy,sci.physics,alt.atheism,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: The Fundamental Ontology: 4. Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 23:52:37 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In alt.religion.christian, alt.philosophy, sci.physics, and alt.atheism, "FDR" (aservant.laz@btinternet.com) wrote a 2192-line article: > > The following was composed in a fixed-width font and > appears better in a similar one. My reply is composed in 72-point purple Futura Black and appears better in an even better font, namely, 73-point black Futura Purple. > This is the *final* form of the post, "The Fundamental > Ontology.", which I sent out a few months ago. I have > since sending out that earlier version managed at last > to fill in all the pieces whose absence from the Onto- > logy previously escaped me. SOUND THE ALARM! ONTOLOGY IS ESCAPING! SEAL THE PERIMETER! ALL CITIZENS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ESCAPED ONTOLOGY! IT IS PRESUMED TO BE DANGEROUSLY ONTOLOGICAL! > An accurate Ontology must include, name, define and interrelate > all the parts of Reality and this I have now done in this final version. You left out Pez. Ha! I have destroyed your whole ontology! Now _I_ shall get the Nobel Prize For Ontology! > If you read the earlier version or, indeed, either ver- > sion 2 or version 3, then you ought still to read this > one in full, since you would probably read the phone book too. > it is extensively revised as against those earlier attempts. > Physicists, and particularly those working in Quantum Mechanics, > ought to find it helpful, since there are several problems > facing them which they have no hope of solving until they take a > proper view of Reality, which is a view of *all* of Reality. Yay! Now science is _over_! > [...] > > Instantial Pure Configuration is the first-order Pure Config- > uration which temporal Fields and second-order Super- > configurations possess within instants of their temporal > or supertemporal Sequence; > Instantial Pure Configuration is the relative spatial disposi- > tion of the parts of any temporal Field or second- > order Superconfiguration within an instant of temporal > or supertemporal Sequence exclusively of the peculiar > substance of the temporal Field or second-order Super- > configuration; > Motional Pure Configuration is the pure configuration of the > Motion which is the change in the instantial pure con- > figuration of a temporal Field or second-order Super- > configuration in temporal or supertemporal Sequence; > Motional Pure Configuration is second-order Pure Configuration; This is the worst dialogue LeVar Burton ever had to memorize on "Star Trek". > [...] > > The non-modal Superparticle is the unique, non-motional, spati- > ally non-dimensional, non-spatial, supertemporal sub- > stance which would exist at the Centre of centres of- > Omni-space in a super-instant in which supertemporal > Motion were not occurring; > Super-reciprocal Substance is the peculiar substance of the > non-modal Superparticle; > The Superparticle is the unique, positive, motional, spatially > non-dimensional, non-spatial, supertemporal substance > which is of necessity in perpetual supertemporal motion; > Super-reciprocal Substance is the peculiar substance of the > Superparticle; > Super-reciprocal Substance is a primary type of peculiar sub- > stance; > The anti-Superparticle is the unique, negative, motional, spati- > ally non-dimensional, non-spatial, supertemporal sub- > stance which exists only when it and the Superparticle > are not identified as the unique and non-motional non- > modal Superparticle at the Centre of centres of Omni- > space and whose necessarily perpetual supertemporal > motion is the perfect opposite of the supertemporal > motion of the Superparticle; My Fundamental Ontology Of Everything And Then Some is more concise than your: THERE'S STUFF. THE END. > [...] > > An instantial, first-order Superconfiguration is any aggregate > of the Superparticle, the supertemporal, first-order > motion of the Superparticle and first-order Pure Con- > figuration which constitutes an instant in the super- > temporal, second-order motion of a second-order Super- > configuration; I'd like a second order of fries when you Super-size my first order. > [...] > > The Totality of the temporal realm is the Omni-configuration; The Omni-configuration is "three staples in the spine and a glossy cover showing a bald woman eating a tube of paint and eventually deciding it can't afford to print on actual paper any more", right? > [...] > > Infinity-to-Zero is the ratio of speed between first-order > Motion and second-order Motion; Hey, you're trying to divide by zero! That's expressly forbidden by the United States Constitution! > [...] > > [...hundreds of lines of that chant about the super-total-omni-wholeness > elided...] > > [...] > > God is the One whose Consciousness is the Totality of the > temporal realm; > God is the One whose Experience is the infinite Cycle of > Experience; > God is the Omni-superconfiguration; > God is Omni-space; > God is the Totality of Existence. You forgot to define "is". > Here is the explanation of the above series of state- > ments: > > In the above sentences, the infinitive, "to be", seen > in the verb, "is", is not in itself a reference to the > "attribute" of existence, but is rather merely the ver- > bal notation of the quasi-relation of identity and is > the verbal equivalent of the "=" sign in equations of > identity. In the sentence, "John is," the verb, "is", > plays the r™le of the notation both of the attribute > of existence and of the fact that John is an object of > experience, though even a sentence such as this could > be considered tautological, since the very reference > to John already acknowledges his existence, in which > case, the use in one form or another of the infini- > tive, "to be", would have in all instances to be con- > sidered impermissible. Such tautologies, though, are, > of course, permissible when given the r™le of empha- > sizer or particularizer, but in the sentence, "John is > John," the verb, "is", merely equates John with John, > and although the existence of John is presupposed in > the statement, the verb makes no direct reference to > it therein. Oh. I stand corrected. It all is perfectly clear now. (In the sentence above, I am using "is" to mean "is not", and I call dibs on using "the" to mean "give me all the Pez in the world" at any time in the future.) > The opening lines represent "the more or less complete > story", as it were, but it would, I think, be helpful > if I extracted from that "story" the fundamental ele- > ments of Reality and their existential foundations, so > as to make the Picture clearer. I will present in gra- > phical form the relations involved and then comment on > them. This section of the text really does require to > be viewed in a fixed-width font: > > > Substance: Existential foundation: > > Space-particle - Sub-reciprocal Substance -P > Superparticle - Super-reciprocal Substance-P > > Omni-space - Subsubstance-S > Static Continuum _ > |_ - Reciprocal Substance(temporal)-S > | - Supersubstance(supertemporal) -S > Instantial Continuum _| > > Motional Continuum - Substance(Matter)-T Hey! Stop trying to steal Dr. Matt McIrvin's Cosmic Indent-O-Meter! > [...] > > [...a thousand more lines elided...] > > [...] > > Among the elements of our "pre-experiential knowledge", > or, loosely speaking, our intuitive knowledge - the > knowledge that we have purely in virtue of our con- > sciousness - is that of how Omni-space, instantial Con- > tinua, instantial Pure Configuration, temporal Motion > and Configurations relate to each other: we know "pre- > experientially" that Omni-space is the prerequisite of > all else, that an instantial Continuum is the prerequi- > site of both instantial Pure Configuration and temporal > Motion, that instantial Pure Configuration is necessary > to an instantial Continuum and that temporal Motion, > while being ontologically unnecessary to an instantial > Continuum, is nevertheless inalienable from it, that an > instantial Continuum and its temporal Motion form the > "quasi-substantive" totality of a motional Continuum, > that an instantial Continuum and instantial Pure Config- > uration form the "quasi-substantive" totality of an in- > stantial configured Continuum and that Configurations > exist in Omni-space and consist of instantial Continua, > instantial Pure Configuration and temporal Motion. I stand corrected, _that_ was the trickiest sentence LeVar Burton ever had to recite. In the middle of a space battle, too. > [...] > > It is not necessary to assume that noth- > ing can be known with certainty, nor is it necessary to > assume that in order to arrive at certainty or in order > that any actuality should be complete, we are obliged > to invent within the realm of our notions any of the > rational and extra-notional attributes or contingents > of anything that in any way exists. So, you're saying that your philosophy doesn't account for the things that _don't_ exist? Then what good is it? -- Sincerely, your friendly local ontological gorilla P.S.: THE! THE! THE! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Questions for March Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 02:52:52 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "red" (kipper@imap2.asu.edu) wrote: > > 1. Will the implementation of HappyNet do anything about the growing > number of e-tards on Usenet? Thrashing them is fun, but it's making me > feel kind of guilty. Now, now, not everyone who has a WebTV is retarded, or vice versa. There are also a lot of mad scientists running around alt.sci.physics.new-theories who aren't retarded and would be considered very intelligent if they ever went sane and got a life and didn't bother the three or four real scientists who use the Internet. > 2. In regards to "The Wall" movie by Pink Floyd: are those animated > flowers DOING IT, or was I just drinking a bad batch of blueberry beer > that night and hallucinating? I think if you took lots of drugs and then watched "The Wall", it would just turn into a serious Merchant-Ivory drama. Also, if you're high while you see "Yellow Submarine", it becomes an episode of "Perfect Strangers". > 3. Whatever happenned to Balky? Hopelessly typecast beyond all repair? Well, after the success of that movie where Jim Carrey played the guy who played Latka, you'd think someone would have made a cheap imitation where Carrot Top played the guy who played Balki on "Perfect Strangers", because Balki was obviously Latka on "Taxi" and therefore just as important because he was an exact copy. But no, Balki just faded into obscurity, as did the actor who played him, Bronson Pinchot. He did some movies nobody saw, and a couple years ago he was the star of ABC's highly-advertised "Meego", a sitcom for children in which Balki played Mork and adopted that precocious little boy who was famous for about six months after "Jerry Maguire". However, "Meego"'s run on TV was shorter than Mighty Atom's inseam. ABC aired the first six episodes and burned the master negatives of the remaining seven. Swiped from Russell Wodell's "Meego" episode guide (you can find _anything_ on the Web): -> -> Episode Air Date Episode Title -> -> 1. 19 Sep 97 Pilot -> 2. 26 Sep 97 Love and Money -> 3. 3 Oct 97 The Truth About Cars and Dogs -> 4. 10 Oct 97 It's Good to be King -> 5. 17 Oct 97 Fatal Attraction -> 6. 24 Oct 97 Halloween -> 7. UNAIRED Mommy 'n' Meego -> 8. UNAIRED Magic Parker -> 9. UNAIRED Liar, Liar -> 10. UNAIRED I Won't Be Home For Christmas -> 11. UNAIRED Saturday Night Fever -> 12. UNAIRED Performance Art -> 13. UNAIRED Car and Driver Urkel had an uncredited cameo in the second episode. I don't mean that the actor who played "Urkel" had a cameo. I mean that the _character_ of Urkel had a cameo. And do you know who had a cameo in the third episode? URKEL!!! AGAIN!!! In the unaired seventh episode, Meego met three of the surviving cast members of "Gilligan's Island". Martin Beitz summarized the premise of the series most concisely: => Er kommt aus einer anderen Welt, um in dieser Welt die Lachmuskeln aller => Comedy-Fans aufs heftige zu strapazieren. Bronson Pinchot alias Meego ist => ein Weltraumbummler, den es auf keinem Stern lange hŠlt - bis er Station => auf der Erde macht, um drei irdische Plagegeister zu erziehen. Wozu er => natŸrlich seinen ganzen galaktischen Ideenreichtum braucht. The funny part of the premise was apparently that he liked to eat _plants_. Ha, ha, ha! It was like on "Alf" where Alf kept talking about eating cats but funnier because eating cats isn't funny. The Toronto Sun said, <> AND NOW, ARGUING THAT THERE'S NO INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE: <> Two new shows in which the lead character can communicate telepathically <> with dogs? The difference being that on Meego, on CBS and CFTO at 8:30, <> the pooch might be the smartest part. <> Ê <> This sugary, soft-headed sitcom mush has a trendy dog, a Jack Russell, <> and a trendy kid, six-year-old Jerry Maguire scene-stealer Jonathan <> Lipnicki, who does little but hug the dog and mug confusedly at the <> camera. Bronson Pinchot plays the boy's new nanny from another planet. <> Ê <> It is just terrible. <> Ê <> My friend's kids have watched it about 20 times. They love it. But I think the New York Post said it best: +> "MEEGO" is like cotton candy: Sweet and weightless and harmless as +> long as it is part of a balanced TV diet. +> +> It's not must-see TV, but it is can-enjoy TV for those who believe +> that sometimes all family TV has to do is be the equivalent of a hug. They could have saved some space by saying, "If you like CRAP, you'll like MEEGO!" I never saw an episode so I can't say whether or not it was actually crap. The reason I never bothered to watch an episode is because it was CRAP! -- K. MEEGO FWOW UP NOW! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: God is not nice to bad people Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 03:23:03 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > God is brutal. That is good. God is a BIG MEANIE!!! But God's only a bully because he's misunderstood and doesn't have any friends. If you offer to be his friend he'll stop beating you up. I learned this from "Davey & Goliath", a TV show produced by God. > 1 law of God is that people get what they are suppose to. > > On tv I saw a girl who talked about running into bad angels. She was > beautiful. She may be was about 20 years old. She tried to kill herself. > As she was dying bad angels were around her. They were waiting for her to > die. They were going to take her to hell. I do not think she was going to > go to hell because she tried to kill herself. I think she said she was not > a good person. After that she said she was trying to be good. > > I saw on tv 1 person who said that they almost died. Bad angels took the > person to hell or toward hell. The bad angels took the person into a black > substance like mud. The bad angels started tearing the person into pieces > and eating him. > > I am happy people get what they are suppose to. Unless they go to Taco Bell, in which case they get the wrong kind of taco with the wrong kind of toppings, assuming they ever get any food at all. > It makes things fair. I can not stand slime who do mean things to > people with out a good reason. A lot of people associated with these > physics groups are slime. > > People need to remember that not doing some thing when it is suppose to be > done is a sin and they will be punished for it. > > Most people are bad. 95% OF PEOPLE ARE BELOW AVERAGE!!! > The small number of good people need to fight against the big group > of bad people. I think most of the time good people are not suppose > to tell people about their physics theories. You misspelled "cr" as "go" and "azy" as "od". Hope this help. > Most of the time when I talk about 1 of my theories it is to help God. God would be NOTHING without the assistance of Kurt Stocklmeir! You just keep right on telling God what to do! > Most of the time I do not talk about my physics theories that are not > connected to God. In the Bible God said some thing like the people > who do not eat food for God and let people know about it to impress > people have already gotten their reward. I bet I've eaten more kinds of food than you. It's too bad you might be going to Hell because you've never eaten a durian and durian might be the special food that gets you into Heaven. I bet you probably just eat pork chops all day. > I think the same is true for people who tell people about their physics > theories. They have already gotten their reward. > > Using praying to God I have tried to create a curse against all my physics > theories except may be theories that help God. It would be good if there > is a curse against any person who talks or uses any of my theories. I see, so, you're praying to God that nobody will take your theories seriously? Well, at least now you've demonstrated that God is listening to you. -- K. Also... _what_ theories? "I'm telling God to torture all the scientists in the world" isn't a theory. It's something shy kids draw on the back of their notebook in the back of the classroom in third grade, except they show God torturing all the gym teachers in the world. How do gym teachers fit into your theory? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 17000 year old earth Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 03:32:02 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium [quoted in full] In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > With the flood, the land breaking into pieces, the angle between the spin > of the earth and the orbit of the earth changing and the moon moving away > from the earth the spin of the earth probably slowed down. > > I tell girls I do not want to kiss any girl who has the blood of animals in > her mouth and the bodies of animals between her teeth. > > If a girl wants to be sexy she is suppose to not have the blood of animals > in her mouth and the bodies of animals between her teeth. Wow, you date girls with big teeth. Incidentally, I have a theory about your theory above: The first sentence was written by the left hemisphere of your brain. The second sentence was written by the right hemisphere of your brain. It is clear there must be at least a three-inch-thick layer of pink fiberglas insulation between the two. You could at least have made _some_ attempt at a segue between the non-sequiturs, i.e. "BLAH BLAH BLAH earth probably slowed down. The tilting of the Earth's axis makes me too dizzy to date women." I tell girls I do not want BLAH BLAH BLAH." So, have you gotten to the point of planning to blow up the Moon yet? If not, I figure you'll be there in a couple weeks. -- K. Maybe we _should_ blow up the Moon and straighten Earth's axial tilt just to put the mad scientists out of business. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 17000 year old earth Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 08:06:46 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com (Hey, Red, you've made a very special friend!) In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > red I am not trying to be insulting. I do not think any person can give > good reasons for what I asked you. > > Please join this group. A lot of new people need to join this group. It > needs a lot of help. People are being mean to each other. People do not > know how they make each other feel. A lot of the information is bad. More > people could help. Girls could help a lot may be if the guys do not try to > impress them by insulting people. Some times guys do dumb things around > girls. So, Kurt, what do you do around girls? Did the girls of the world ever band together and get that restraining order keeping you 500 feet away from all female people? > To an extreme I want to leave the internet. You should look up Maelstrom's old lesson on how to write an X-TREEM K-RAD BURN0UT LETTER. Although all mad scientists invariably stomp around shouting "BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE DIDN'T GIVE ME A NOBEL PRIZE, I AM LEAVING THE INTERNET FOREVER!" every few months, only about half of them follow the rules. For instance, you're supposed to promise everyone on the Internet that you will pay them $1,000 (each) if you ever post again. You forgot to do that last time you said you were leaving: -> From: kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net -> Subject: slime -> Newsgroups: sci.physics -> Date: Sat, 02 Jan 1999 19:10:20 GMT -> -> I plan to leave for ever. But in the future if God wants me to talk -> for God I will. Some times God wants people to talk for him. When that -> is true people are not suppose to not tell the truth because of cursed -> meat rotting and decaying. -> -> It may be true I have the power to create a curse against people using -> praying to God. If that is true I plan to use that power. -> -> I will try to keep reading atricles written by people like Jimmy Carr, -> Tom D., Hermital and Jack S. Also, I don't know why you're using the Internet on God's behalf -- He is quite capable of using a computer if He wants to. > I left the internet in 1992. I started reading the internet again > around 1998. I am happy I missed a big mess. Wow! You missed the first five years of Archimedes Plutonium! You've got a lot of catching up to do if you want to be like him! > To an extreme I want to stop writing articles. Most of the time I write > articles only to try > to do my small part to create justice. I am 1 of a small number of fools > who stayed a long time. I need some body to hit me in my head hard. This is a trick, right? I bet that if we really do hit you in your head it'll just squirt us with water or something. -- K. +--------------- Quote In A Box ------------------+ | | | "I need some body to hit me in my head hard." | | -- Kurt Stocklmeir (March 1999) | | | +-------------------------------------------------+ P.S. You need a hug. *HUG* ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.math,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: How to have my name be associated with my theory? Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 03:59:42 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In sci.math, "Laplace" (laplace@hotkey.net.au) wrote: > > If I come up with a new theory how to have my name associated with it so > everyone use this theory will remember me? If you've returned from the grave after doing all that important work two hundred years ago, I'm pretty sure people won't forget your face. Whether you're the green kind of zombie or the skull-faced kind. Maybe if you changed your name to that of a scientist who died within the last 50 years, you might have an easier time convincing people that you're still alive. For instance, Einstein died less than fifty years ago. It would be easy to convince people you're Einstein, relatively speaking. In fact, that would be all you'd have to do, just mess up your hair and stumble around absent-mindedly and keep calling things "relative". "That is a very relative salt-shaker!" In no time at all, if you come up with a brilliant new theory, it'll be named after you. Then you'll just have to wait for people to forget about the _old_ Einstein. By the way, having a theory named after you isn't all it's cracked up to be. A while ago I wrote a paper proving that microwave ovens are powered by tiny leprechauns (the reason nobody else has ever been able to detect them is because they live in the _turntable_, which they call "the lepre- go-round") and in a zany mix-up, my screwball redheaded wife mailed the wrong envelope to _Scientific American_ and now wherever I go, all the Nobel laureates I meet point at me and snicker, "Hey, there's the guy who thunk up KIBO'S STUPID THEORY!" -- K. It wasn't THAT stupid! It was just REALLY WRONG! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I still can't understand kosher food. Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 08:45:53 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Also, how come some vegetable products are labelled "glatt kosher"? > > Do green peppers have lungs I don't know about? > > The kashruth of vegetables is surprisingly complex. There are those that > say broccoli is not kosher because there are bugs hiding in the florets. > Reading the debates on the subject (e.g., > http://www.star-k.org/articles/insects.html, which comes out pro- > broccoli, so long as there's a lot of washing), one understands why so > many of my people became lawyers. Yes, but I'm told the "glatt" is simply mislabelling because you can't declare something to be glatt unless you've inspected the inside of its lungs, from what I've read. The consensus seems to be that some people just slap the word "glatt" on things like vegetables because they think it means "like kosher, only more so" but apparently it specifically means "we counted all the spots in the cow's lungs." The next items open for debate: 1.) Why does Jell-O say "K" on it (the uncircled, untrademarked "K" that anyone can use) even though every rabbi in the world has said that Jell-O brand gelatin is unkosher? Who does Jell-O think it's fooling? Are they just anti-Semitic and trying to trick Jews into contaminating their stomachs? 2.) I have in front of me a Chick-O-Stick candy bar with a circled "(K)" on it -- in the middle of the ingredient list, for some reason, tucked in between the titanium dioxide (white paint) and artificial flavor -- but the owners of the circled "(K)", Organized Kashruth Laboratories, have issued a press release stating that they have never certified Chick-O-Stick to be kosher. Chick-O-Stick has announced they have removed the "(K)", but I have a Chick-O-Stick from a few months ago, and I am about to crack it open and eat it to see if I can taste the SECRET PORK. 3.) Why are all the kinds of vegetarian chopped liver spread (made from roasted eggplant, actually quite good) labelled "REAL VEGETARIAN LIVER"? What would "FAKE VEGETARIAN LIVER" be? 4.) Why are there all those kosher hot dogs that say "666" in huge letters if I just turn the package upside-down? If there are any rabbis in the audience, please advise on these matters. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go eat my Falsely Kosher Chick-O-Stick. -- (K). Also, I'd like to know about the blech on Bill Gaines's stove. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I still can't understand kosher food. Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 11:18:55 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com And another kosher-related food mystery for Ted Frank to explain to me: I just had a frozen Buddhist-approved entree over some very interesting soy-sauce-soaked fried tofu (stuff that looks like sponges the color of chocolate) with various nongreen vegetables. (I guess Buddhists don't like to eat anything with chlorophyll because they're afraid of the second half of the word "photosynthetic".) The various nongreen vegetables included "Jew's ear". I've seen it on other food packages in Chinatown, so I figured it wasn't a typo. I looked it up on the Web: -> This rather rubbery fungus is particularly prevalent on rotting -> elder branches. It gets its name indirectly from the elder tree, -> for it was on an elder tree that Judas is reported to have hanged -> himself after betraying Jesus. So, I ask: 1.) Do Jewish people really have ears shaped like tiny little wrinkly black mushrooms that looks like crumpled wads of the sort of black rubber you'd glue over a hole in a tire? 2.) If Buddhists are such nice people that they won't eat animals, why will they nosh on the heads of Jews? Does it have something to do with the fact that these frozen macrobiotic Buddhist-approved foods sometimes have big red swastikas on them? Why did the Buddhists steal the Nazis' logo, anyway? 3.) I found a packet of squid-flavored noodle soup that listed "cat's ear" in the ingredients. If this is the same sort of mushroom, does this mean that cats are Jewish? 4.) Actually, the only references I could find to "cat's ear" on the Web were to a yellow flower that looked exactly like a common dandelion. Except it had a name containing "cat" and not "lion". Adjacent to it in a list of plants was "cat's breeches". How did the plant named after cat underwear get its name? In the olden days, did cats wear underwear that had leaves and flowers? Are these underwear-wearing cats the distant ancestors of the modern Japanese video-game star, Panty Cat? 5.) And what IS the deal with Panty Cat? 6.) Is there an opposite of macrobiotic food? I would like microbiotic food, which would consist only of meat, eggplant, and hot sauce (all of which are forbidden in the boring macrobiotic diet.) -- K. Sometimes my dinner contains a vegetable that's not on the ingredients list and doesn't look like anything from the planet Earth. The frozen tofu platter was topped with a slice of something that could only have been the cross-section of an infinitely long cylindrical artichoke. Chinese supermarkets are fun! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Pakistani child killer sentenced to die like 100 victims Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 10:21:16 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com l'AFP reported: > > LAHORE, Pakistan, March 16 (AFP) - A Pakistani court Thursday > ordered a man convicted of killing 100 children be strangled and his > body cut into 100 pieces to be dissolved in acid in front of the > parents of his small victims. > The sentence to kill Javed Iqbal in the same grisly fashion as > his victims was challenged however by the government. > "Javed Iqbal is convicted on account of 100 children's murders > to 100 times strangulation," Judge Allah Baksh Ranja said. He also > sentenced him to 700 years jail. Are you tired of having just one strangulation? Now there's new improved 100X strangulation! Yeah, I'm sure it'll make a big difference to the guy whether they strangle him 100 times in a row or just strangle him once and then chop him up and dissolve him. "OH PLEASE MISTER JUDGE DON'T HURT ME AFTER YOU KILL ME!" They should agree to disagree and split the difference -- keep in him jail for 700 years and _then_ strangle him 100 times, then dissolve him 100 times. Then put him back in jail for another 700 years. Also will they be dissolving the chunks of him starting with the ones near the feet, or the ones near the head? They could be really cruel and dissolve the chunks starting at the bottom of his body but at the top of each chunk. Better yet, dissolve the even-numbered chunks from the top side, the odd-numbered chunks from the bottom side, after sorting his body parts into alphabetical order. > One of his accomplices, 17-year-old Sajid Ahmad, was also given > the death penalty. Two others, Mohammad Nadim and Mohammad Sabir, > were jailed for 14 years. > The judge recommended the punishment be carried out in public at > a national memorial made up of a minaret called Minar-e-Pakistan in > the historic city of Lahore. Do they mean the imprisonment, or just the execution? I think imprisoning people in national monuments is a nifty idea. "For your crime, you shall be forced to live in the Statue Of Liberty's forehead for 20 years." > [...] > "He should be strangulated through an iron chain... in the > presence of the legal heirs of the deceased," the judge said. > "His body should be cut into 100 pieces and same should be put > into a drum containing the acid according to modus operandi adopted > by the accused." I just know what the guy with the meat cleaver's going to say: "95... 96... Whoops, lost count. I'll have to start over." -- K. Since President Clinton is visiting Pakistan this week, I assume they'll let him toss in the first chunk. P.S. SOME PEOPLE ARE SICK! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Ca. and Reagan Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:42:02 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > When Reagan was in charge of Ca. he decreased money to take care of > mentally ill people. They were thrown out in the street to live. Many of > them died. A lot of people liked him. Most people are bad. > > Reagan got trouble with his brain may be because of what he did. So, I take it you were also a governor of California? And you threw yourself into the street? Before your brain exploded, I mean. -- K. It was a particularly wacky explosion. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Attack Of The Killer Bees Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 12:04:07 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com The City of Las Vegas has posted these safety tips on how to survive when YOU are attacked by killer bees. > Remove any pets or children playing in the area and have them stay inside > a building. Encourage people in the area not to make noise. Bees are > especially attracted to lawnmowers, dogs barking, weed eaters or other > humming noises. They are also attracted to bright flashing lights. This is > why when emergency vehicles respond to a Bee incident, they do not use > "lights or sirens." "Hello, I would like to report a Bee Incident. Junior was stuffing crab grass into his mouth, and, well, you know how bees are attracted to weed eaters... Please respond to this Bee Incident without using any lights, even though it is after midnight. And drive real fast." Since buzzing noises lure the bees away, it's too bad that there aren't any buzzing neon signs over Las Vegas. Nope, no neon at all in Las Vegas. > What to do if you see someone attacked by bees . . . > > If it appears the person is being stung several times by many bees, and > they can not escape, call 9-1-1 immediately. Advise the person to seek > shelter in a building or vehicles. DO NOT SCREAM or WAVE YOUR ARMS at the > person, this will attract the Bees to attack you. If it appears the person > is lying on the ground and is unconscious, do not try to rescue them. The > Bees will leave because the person is not moving and they will attack you > instead. You CAN HELP more by calling emergency personnel and directing > them to the scene. But don't talk while you're on the phone because bees are attracted to sound. In fact, don't even pick up the phone because the bees will want to marry the dial tone. And don't move your arms while not using the phone. Just run away as fast as possible while not making any noise whatsoever or disturbing any air molecules. On a related note, Caller ID boxes from the local phone have instructions which emphasize YOU CANNOT USE THE PHONE TO REPORT A GAS LEAK. I guess you just have to put up with the smell of gas if you have a phone. > What to do if YOU are being attacked by bees . . . > > If possible, RUN AS FAST YOU CAN from the bees, Oh no! The bees have escaped from THE OBVIOUS BAG! > in most cases you can outrun the bees. Cover you face with your hands. > Do not scream or wave your arms as this will keep the bees attacking. But what if I am attacked by killer bees and The Tingler at the same time? -- K. And what if William Castle and White Castle had been switched at birth? Would you have to eat tiny hamburgers while your seat gave you electrical shocks? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.edu,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Copenhagen, 27NOV99 ; AP's Sci Odyssey tour Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 07:39:55 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.edu and sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Zurich has become my sort of home in Europe, my hub where I > radiate outwards to science sites. Yay! Archie has become a being of pure energy! People can't smell energy, right? Yay! > I like the prices here and quality of food and hotel accommodations > and overall friendly people who speak English and because of the fact > of ETH computer access. Why, I'll bet their sentence-construction skills were at LEAST as good as yours! If not gooder! > And although Zurich is a big city, I do not smell the air pollution of > a Rome or Athens. Arch... Europe's a big place. Bigger even than the distance between your house and your outhouse. Of course you won't be able to smell Rome or Athens from Switzerland. Unless you've invented a telesmelloscope. Which you can't have, because I just did! I give myself ONE THOUSAND YEARS to call dibs on the idea of ever inventing the concept of the telesmelloscope. Nobody can invent a telesmelloscope without paying me royalties on my idea of inventing the telesmelloscope! Also, if I say "telesmelloscope" two more times, it will become a real word. Then they'll have to list "telesmelloscope" in the Oxford English Dictionary and show a little picture of a telesmelloscope. (It'll be a scratch'n'sniff picture.) > I sense a strong work ethic and order discipline > in Zurich, to have things work well and correctly. Yeah, as opposed to all those other countries where they hate it whenever their stuff works right. > And the food is outstanding and tonight added some variety in my diet Variety, check. > with tuna salad Salad, check. > and a cucumber salad that was out of this world in flavor, Salad, check. > and a macaroni salad Salad, check. Variety... where's my eraser? > and a "preiselbern" (spelling) an elderberry sauce that looks like cranberry. Are you sure you weren't just eating dingleberries again, as described on the first page of your zany autobiography? > And the Swiss price of things is as such that the Swiss franc is like > a US dollar in the USA, GENIUS! SHEER UNMITIGATED GENIUS! > but, because the Swiss franc is 6/10 of a dollar and so, I am buying > things in Zurich that is at a 40% discount of what I would pay for > the same thing in the USA. For example, my hotel room costs > 28 Swiss franc but converted to USA ends up costing me only > $18.33. And $28 is usual for a USA room but $18.33 is cheap > by USA rates. So, Arch, last summer, which $28 hotel room did you stay in when you were in New York City? > The stark problem facing me now is that the days are too short. Now THERE'S an example of the pot calling the kettle black. > By the time I reach someplace it is already nightfall. Have you considered leaving earlier, o King Of Science And Logic? > The trouble facing me now is that the days are so short from > 0800 to 1600 to see much. ASTROPHYSICS IS ALL WEIRD IN EUROPE! IT MAKES SWITZERLAND'S SUN ORBIT THE EARTH FASTER THAN AMERICA'S SUN! > So what I am going to do is better plan my daylight > hours on sites to see. And one alternative is to just spend my last > week on one or two sites. Another alternative is to thrust myself into ______________________ <---- Fill in the blank, Charles Nelson Reilly! > the problem and to turn the problem into my favor and perhaps > gain experience or knowledge. The problem of short daylight is to > go to the furthest point north on the Eurail in Europe. To go to > Narvik Norway and eye witness the Sun dancing on the horizon from > east to west. I think that is a good response to adversity in many > cases. Join the adversity instead of fighting and resisting it and > thereby gaining knowledge from the experience. Thus, go to Narvik > Norway where the entire daylight hours are a mere Sun skipping > across the horizon from East to West. That would be a splendid > experience to keep in my happy remembrances. And many times > when I am dreaming or relaxing or reflecting on my past that the > experience of watching the Sun skip across the horizon will enter > my mind. Spend the whole day just watching the Sun do this HhEeYy AaRrCcHh IiSs TtHhEe LlSsDd KkIiCcKkIiNnGg IiNn YyEeTt??? > and couple that experience with the Parthenon experience where the > Sun was only about 20 degrees off of directly overhead. > > Now, I am wondering if the 4 years admittance into the Parthenon > in Ancient Greek times why is the number every 4 years for the > Sun to have illuminated the statue of Athena in a brilliant lighting? > Why the number 4 years for the Sun to be correct? And does the > number 4 years say something about the fact of 4 seasons? And > can this number 4 like a sundial measurement prove the > heliocentric system and the most simple experiments proving the > heliocentric system. And can you prove mathematically that all 4 segments of a Necco Skybar are equally stale everywhere on Earth? > That if the Earth were stationary and the Sun revolving around Earth > how could that come about when every 4 years the Sun is in identical > position would mean that the orbit of the Sun would require some great > force to change the Sun's orbit yet bring it back again to its identical > orbit of 4 years previous. But, Arch, then people would laugh at you if you ever used the term "year" in this wacky bizarro world where the Earth doesn't revolve around the sun. They'd have some other word for the unit of the Sun going around the Earth. I propose we call your new unit the centon. > A 4 year identicalness means a angle of variance for the Sun in its > orbit in the Geocentric system (and the equivalent of the 23 degree > tilt in Heliocentric system). > > I meet a German passenger on the Eurail train to Koln, but I am on > the way to Copenhagen. It was a delightful conversation because > we traded back jokes about the toilets of Europe "What did the French toilet say to the American toilet?" "Oui-oui!" Sorry, Charles Nelson Reilly said that, not me. Charles, you were supposed to make the potty joke on the previous page when I made the "Match Game '76" reference. Please keep "Wee-wee!" on the little blue card where it belongs. > and especially the Eurail train. About the train in Italy that the toilet > is just a hole and it lands in the middle of the track. In the future, in outer space, there will be no pollution because the space trains will have black holes in the restrooms! You'll have to hold onto the handrail to avoid being sucked in, but other than that they'll be fun to use. Especially if you stick the end of the roll of toilet paper in and watch it all unroll along a time-like direction. > My friend related to that story with the setting of a family having a > Sunday barbecue but have to make precautions when the train passes by > leaving some contributions to close to the vicinity of the barbecued food. > We had a good laugh out of that but then you pointed out that poop doesn't taste all that bad. > the best laugh was about the rather unique toilets in Florence Italy > where you have just an opening in the floor. A most primitive sort of > a toilet and I happened to be walking past when a younger man opened > the door on an older man who was crouched low and started making a > fuss because the younger man had opened the door on him. > If you have been to Europe and know about these toilets that I am > talking about then it is funny. HA HA HA HA! No, wait, I haven't been to Europe. Sorry, I just made your story not funny. > It is Saturday now, 27NOV and about 09:00 am awake and preparing > to enter Kobenhavn. I am sucking on cough drops of eucalyptus > menthol and am wondering which of the two ingredients is the > chemical that has the "refreshing" sensation of going up my nose. The rubber hose. > It sort of reminds me of hot peppers and that is an alkali chemical > that makes peppers hot. So I wonder if either eucalyptus or menthol > is an alkali, only not as strong as peppers, and is the cause of this > "refreshing" sensation. Because you are a scientist, you need to do the experiment. Stuff some sodium hydroxide up your nose and let us know how refreshing it is. > Now I meet another traveler only this one is from the USA. I am telling > him that the cardinal rule in traveling is to travel light and the test > for traveling light is that you can still run with all your gear. > In my case, with only 2 rucksacks I can still run and run fast. > However, I did make one oversight on this tour of Europe. I do not > have any gloves with me. And because I have about 10 pairs of gloves > at home, Wow! That must be almost twenty gloves! > I will not buy any new ones. Instead I will use some of the socks > if need be; especially if I do decide to go to Narvik. Yes, but do you still wet your socks? -> Especially the socks since I am going to be running alot, I -> want to wash those as often as possible under a sink and put them right -> back on to wear while wet. I often wet my socks in the summertime -> as air conditioning. -- Archimedes Plutonium, September 1999 > [...several paragraphs about crows and the grave of Niels Bohr...] > > I am trying to think back at my youth of 12 years old and did I have > any physics in me at that age? Most definitely not. I AGREE! > For it was not until High School that I was aware > of the subject of physics and what physics was about. I am just > curious if someone had come up to me at the age of 12 and > asked me the question "do you know what physics is?" What I > would have said by the age of 12? I am trying hard to think back > at my own mind when I was 12 years old and what physics content > was inside my mind at that young age. This self-analysis is > rather fun to do. And such rich territory. You should read a textbook on abnormal psychology, you'd find yourself fascinating. > I probably had heard of the term "physics" and probably would have > said "physics is a science". But I doubt that I would have as yet > realized at the age of 12 that physics was about motion and about > material objects and forces. So much of my knowledge and understanding > is already inside me without ever reading or hearing or learning from an > outside source. Yeah, but those are just the parts that are wrong. > That by the age of 12 my inner knowledge of physics was mostly > absent. But that if I had been, say, removed to an isolated place > such as Antarctica with no contact for 6 more years Damn! We coulda had a six-year-long party! > and then asked the same question "What is physics" I feel that I would > have answered that physics is about motion and objects in motion and > the forces between these objects. I feel that an education is mostly > the drawing out of what is already inside a person. Leave it to Archie to think that college is the same as disembowelment. > And that is the way of an Atom Totality superdeterminism. > > There are several Bohr's buried here. And I tried to find whether > Johan Ludvig Heiberg was buried at this graveyard of famous Danes. > There are 2 Heibergs, both have identical names, one wrote a famous > play called "A SOUL AFTER DEATH" and the other Heiberg was the > world expert translator of Archimedes palimpset. I wish to find out > more about the 2 Heibergs because, well, I believe I am the reincarnation > of Archimedes, and, believe it or not, my name used to be Ludvig. NOOOOOO! WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU EVER CHANGED YOUR NAME! YOU WERE ALWAYS MR. PLUTONIUM! OF THE CHICHESTER PLUTONIUMS! > And the story or play is about the concept of reincarnation. > I used my socks as gloves "Archie, you have your socks on the wrong feet." > for it was 7 degrees Celcius and it felt like 3-4 o'clock already > but it was only 12:30 local time. > > [...] > > Returning back to the train station in Copenhagen and getting > another close look at the Rathaus and adjoining buildings. The > Copenhagen Rathaus is a very beautiful building. Never mind the Rathaus, how was the Cathaus? -- K. Hey, I found some evidence that corroborates that you were indeed named "Ludwig" several years ago: [excerpt from "Ludwig Plutonium, The Chosen One" (1994), page 3:] -> -> A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER, JOHANNA POEHLMANN: I remember vivid scenes of -> my past with my mother, the first recollection of my mother, and the -> first conscious recollection that I was alive was in the crib, I was -> hungry and wanted something to eat and so I was eating this soft stuff -> and I could hear my mothers voice differently, a harsh tone now, and I -> saw her arms flinging around and she was making a fuss and later in my -> youth I asked her about this scene and she confirmed to me that I had -> eaten my own poop. P.S. I hereby renew my dibs on the telesmelloscope. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: A reminder. Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 07:47:11 GMT Reply-To: kibo@world.std.com Organization: HappyNet Headquarters Remember, the nineties are over. Now that it's the twenty hundreds, it's unhip to say "dot com". Here in the distant futuristic present, we say "dotto". "Honey, did you remember to pick up the drycleaning from Www Drycleaner Dotto?" Also, the twenty hundreds are formally named "The two thousands except fpr the ones after 2099 which are the twenty-one hundreds unless they're after 2199 in which case we'll use Stardates." -- K. And when do we get the personal autogyros so we can fly through the Transatlantic Tunnel? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: My favorite Subject: headers in sci.geo.geology this week. Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 09:08:15 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com I subscribe to sci.geo.geology just for the Subject: lines. That and because Manley Hubbell used to post there before he was taken away by the saucer people. > Subject: Researchers Discover Extraterrestrial Gases In Buckyballs Unfortunately, they weren't Bucky Fuller's balls, they were Bucky Lewis's. And the gases were actually coming from somewhere behind them. > Subject: Foaming grouts Try new foaming grout, now with sparkling spackle! When you've been hunting wild rocks all day, it's the carbonated grout that quenches your thirst! > Subject: Buy a Winkie drill Ow! > Subject: Ignorance of Mars Duh, I are going to fly my spaceship straight from Earth to Jupiter! *CRASH* What's this big red thing I crashed into? It's round and dirty! Oh well, me die now! > Subject: magma diapirs Mommy, I'm getting a rash! -- K. Magma makes stalactites, lava makes stalagmites. Also, meteors and meteorites are completely different.