Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.culture.internet From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Letter To The Editor. Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 05:36:06 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "robert lindsay" (rlindsay@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [quoting a letter printed in last week's _Newsweek_] > > > > > The internet will be to the '90s what the CB radio and eight-track > > > tapes were to the '70s. > > Does anybody know where I can download the internet onto my eight-track > tapes through my CB radio? And because those new eight-track tapes have such incredible capacity, you'll be able to fit the Internet plus all the CB "handles" in the world onto just the first two tracks! You'll never be able to fill up all of that massive 64k storage! I just hope I'm proven right about the Internet being unhip before the nineties are over! -- K. Gotta go, I don't think tonight's episode of "I Love Lucy" is a rerun. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Letter To The Editor. Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:02:29 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > [re a letter to the editor in _Newsweek_ which said:] > > > > The internet will be to the '90s what the CB radio and eight-track tapes > > were to the '70s. [...] The Internet contributes nothing of > > social significance. In a decade or so we will look back at it and laugh, > > much as we do now at Lava lamps and vinyl records. > > Wrong about the Internet; 100% right about e-this and i-that and > cyber-everything, which is the equivalent of the techno-aura surrounding > the telephone and radio when they became widespread. > > (E.g. "RKO Radio Pictures," > "Send me a kiss by wire, baby, my heart's on fire," etc. > This stuff now seems bizarre, but radio and phones are still here.) Yeah, as if anyone still buys "T.V. Dinners" or "Radio Flyer" wagons. Or has "radio buttons" in their computer's control panels. And nobody watches those old "20th Century Fox" movies. Or "Tele-Tubbies". -- K. I have a craving for Tang! TANG IS GNAT SPELLED BACKWARDS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Letter To The Editor. Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 05:38:53 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Dag Right-square-bracket-gren (d@c3.cx) wrote: > > Summary: People keep missing the point. Huh? -- K. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:35:44 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh.duh In sci.physics.electromag, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > Ed Price you are slime. I think it was you that was making fun of a person > who thought radio waves were being sent through him. I am sorry if you are > not that bad person. Dear Kurt Stocklmeir, Didn't Bram Stoker write a book about you biting people on the neck and turning into a bat and living in a coffin in Transylvania? I AM SORRY IF YOU ARE NOT THAT BAD PERSON! > [...] > > If the person is mentally ill at least the person is not a creep like Ed > Price. Hey, Kurt, I swear on a stack of Bibles that YOU ARE NOT A CREEP, at least by the definition above. > [...] > > I guess there will always be slime who will join slime to make fun of > people. Archimedes Plutonium and people like him Hey! Don't call Archie slime! He's more of a mildew. > who are abused by people in these physics groups need to know that > all people are not with the slime. NOTE TO KURT STOCKLMEIR: "not all people are with" "all people are not with" mean two different things. Opposite things. If you need help with your reasoning, you should ask Archie for help. He's the King of Science AND Logic. Or maybe the opposite. In any case, he's either an expert in logic or an expert in opposites. > I do not know how many people read these physics groups. May be > 4000. May be a lot more than 4000. May be there are 3 people, 6 people or > 14 people who make fun of Archimedes Plutonium. And that's just when he walks two blocks to the convenience store. > That is not a lot of people out of all the people who read physics groups. > The other people are not with the slime. Most people who read these physics > groups want to learn and they do not like the small number of people > who are insulting people. I would not like to go to a physics class and > while the class is going on people are screaming at each other dirty names > and insults. Of course, you'll never know if they do that in real physics classes or not. > Uncle Al is a dirty old man and I am not talking about sex. I notice you said "talking" and not "thinking". > He needs to change. He can change. It is up to him. Be nice to people. > Try to help people. Do not insult people. See the big picture. THAT'S RIGHT, SLIME, NEVER INSULT PEOPLE, YOU SLIME! I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT SEX! I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT SEX! > To the slime that insult people in these physics groups a lot or most > of the people do not want you around. Also they probably do not want me to > be around. > I know that. I am not dumb. Yay! You just earned a Clue Lollipop. > I am here just a little to create a little justice. I am trying to find > a path away from these physics groups. Maybe you should follow that dotted line Little Billy left as he wandered through the Internet on his way home to play with Dolly and P.J. -- K. Oh dear, I made a pop-culture reference that someone will have to explain to Kurt because I'm sure he doesn't enjoy hard-to-understand stuff like "The Family Circus". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 05:29:03 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > SWOOSH! SUPER-RATIONAL KONTEXT-AWAY KANCELS ALL KONTEXT IN ALL REGIONS OF THE KONTEXTUAL VENN DIAGRAM WHICH DO NOT OVERLAP THEMSELVES! > [...] > > Bertrand Russell would be very disappointed. I'm sorry, Mr. Frank, but you can stop auditioning now -- Charles Schulz said nobody can take over "Peanuts" now that he's dead. -- K. I bet even Rod McKuen couldn't make this punchline funny! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics.electromag From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 05:37:22 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Greg Neill (gneill@netcom.ca) wrote: > > Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > > > I have been stalked by 2 guys. They liked the girls I was associated with. > > They stalked the girls. Those 2 people were dangerous. 1 was mentally ill. Dear B1FF ST0KLM1ER, Please stop typing "1" when you mean "I". It could only lead to us getting confused while we're reading your clearly-stated brilliant theory about how God talks to you. By the way, what units are you measuring God in? > > Both of them were just walking around when they saw the girls. That > > is all it took. They did not know the girls. > > > > I like to walk around. Some times at night I walk around. Some times I > > would go out at 11 or 12 at night for walking and the stalker would follow > > me around. The person a lot of times would carry some thing. May be a > > weapon. Some times he would carry a calculator. That was his power. > > > > Relax! It was only Archie. The calculator is a dead give away. Archie wouldn't use a calculator! He'd just demand that the people on the Internet tell him what six times three is! Doing a computation, looking something up, or thinking about something would be beneath him. He's the King Of Science And Laziness! > > I am kind of nice. I think it is good to try to aviod hurting people even > > if they ask for it. I let it go on for a small amount of time thinking it > > may stop. It did not. I thought it was going to keep going on. > > > > I got a black belt in karate when I was 17. I am kind of good. The > > stalking ended fast. > > It will prove difficult to deliver a back-roundhouse over the internet. > Methinks Master Kibo is quite safe from your karate black belt. Can't say > the same about your future posts. A black belt in sarcasm would prove a > more useful defense for what you've gotten yourself into. Oh no! I'm about to have an Imaginary Plutonium Slap-Fight with a guy who has an invisible black belt! And I might be forced to use sarcasm! I SURE HOPE I DON'T USE ANY SARCASM! I AM *NEVER* SARCASTIC! -- K. Never try to use an imaginary black belt on an ontological gorilla. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 06:54:38 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In sci.physics.electromag, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > I am not part of your group. I do not read sci.physics groups. 1 time > every 3 months I may wander to an article. So, I take it you don't read sci.physics.electromag, you just post to it? > [...] > > There is mental abuse. If I married a girl and did to the girl what James > Kibo does to A.P. people would not think good things about me. But, Kurt, I just said he used to be a professional dishwasher. Are you saying that if you married a girl, you would never let her wash any dishes? > To God all jobs are important. Do not make fun of people who wash dishes. > God will destoy those people. It's mean of you to say that God will destoy Arhimedes Pluonium just because he is a dishwaser. > God said hell is full of idiots and lairs. Yes, but where do the idoits who can't sepll go? > James Kibo is an idiot. A lot of you are idiots. You need a hug. Or, in language you might understand, Yuo ned a guh. > Send email to people who have the power to stop James Kibo. > > To all people please do not send me email.. I do not like email. Poor baby. You need a BIG hug. -- K. Any volunteers? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 19:54:47 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Todd Gillespie (toddg@linux44.ma.utexas.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > > > > > Send email to people who have the power to stop James Kibo. > > How much power would one need to stop Kibo? > I suspect there are a few world leaders powerful enough, but I do not have > sufficient power to claim a hold on their attention. You have a severe > catch-22 here. I like how Kurt bosses God around and tells him what to do, but for more mundane tasks he just asks the Internet to do it for him. sci.physics seems to have a well-defined hierarchy: Tier 1: "Do my homework for me because I don't wanna." Tier 2: "Help me with my crackpot theory because I am too lazy to look up the formula for sugar." Tier 3: "Pester world leaders for me. I've got my hands full just keeping tabs on God." The WebTV users are mostly Tier 1, a few bright people like Archimedes Plutonium have finished high school and proceeded to Tier 2, and Kurt is one of the rare inhabitants of the upper level of imperious kooks. In any case, I hear Lyndon Larouche is looking for a new platform for his Presidental campaign (the one he began in the seventies and will continue until people stop laughing at him.) I humbly suggest that Lyndon Larouche should adopt "Stop Kibo!" as his campaign slogan. Because KIBO MUST BE STOPPED, PREFERABLY BY A CRAZY PERSON. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell Queen Elizabeth where to aim the orbital mind-control lasers to prevent people from realizing that NASA's Vehicle Assembly Building contains the government's secret supply of spacesuit bondage pornography. > > > To all people please do not send me email.. I do not like email. > > > > Poor baby. You need a BIG hug. > > > > Any volunteers? > > I volunteer my pet gorilla. I also volunteer your pet gorilla. -- K. That's the most original thing I've ever said. (This is the second most original thing I've ever said.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics.electromag,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Archimedes Plutonium dishwasher Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 06:56:51 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > [...] > > There are a lot of people who are not with the slime. It would be good if > they wrote articles saying it. The small number of slime are writing > articles about A.P. and a big group of normal people are not saying any > thing. It's a good think you keep writing articles about Archie. I am glad you're not normal. You need a SPECIAL hug. > I write articles fast and I do not always express myself right. That's not WRITING, it's BOZING! > To all people please not any email. Anywhere? Ever? OKAY EVERYONE STOP USING THE INTERNET! KURT STOCKLMEIR SAID THERE IS NO E-MAIL EVER AGAIN! -- K. ...and the Internet was RUINED! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Ca. and Reagan Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 06:42:02 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > When Reagan was in charge of Ca. he decreased money to take care of > mentally ill people. They were thrown out in the street to live. Many of > them died. A lot of people liked him. Most people are bad. > > Reagan got trouble with his brain may be because of what he did. So, I take it you were also a governor of California? And you threw yourself into the street? Before your brain exploded, I mean. -- K. It was a particularly wacky explosion. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Attack Of The Killer Bees Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 12:04:07 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com The City of Las Vegas has posted these safety tips on how to survive when YOU are attacked by killer bees. > Remove any pets or children playing in the area and have them stay inside > a building. Encourage people in the area not to make noise. Bees are > especially attracted to lawnmowers, dogs barking, weed eaters or other > humming noises. They are also attracted to bright flashing lights. This is > why when emergency vehicles respond to a Bee incident, they do not use > "lights or sirens." "Hello, I would like to report a Bee Incident. Junior was stuffing crab grass into his mouth, and, well, you know how bees are attracted to weed eaters... Please respond to this Bee Incident without using any lights, even though it is after midnight. And drive real fast." Since buzzing noises lure the bees away, it's too bad that there aren't any buzzing neon signs over Las Vegas. Nope, no neon at all in Las Vegas. > What to do if you see someone attacked by bees . . . > > If it appears the person is being stung several times by many bees, and > they can not escape, call 9-1-1 immediately. Advise the person to seek > shelter in a building or vehicles. DO NOT SCREAM or WAVE YOUR ARMS at the > person, this will attract the Bees to attack you. If it appears the person > is lying on the ground and is unconscious, do not try to rescue them. The > Bees will leave because the person is not moving and they will attack you > instead. You CAN HELP more by calling emergency personnel and directing > them to the scene. But don't talk while you're on the phone because bees are attracted to sound. In fact, don't even pick up the phone because the bees will want to marry the dial tone. And don't move your arms while not using the phone. Just run away as fast as possible while not making any noise whatsoever or disturbing any air molecules. On a related note, Caller ID boxes from the local phone have instructions which emphasize YOU CANNOT USE THE PHONE TO REPORT A GAS LEAK. I guess you just have to put up with the smell of gas if you have a phone. > What to do if YOU are being attacked by bees . . . > > If possible, RUN AS FAST YOU CAN from the bees, Oh no! The bees have escaped from THE OBVIOUS BAG! > in most cases you can outrun the bees. Cover you face with your hands. > Do not scream or wave your arms as this will keep the bees attacking. But what if I am attacked by killer bees and The Tingler at the same time? -- K. And what if William Castle and White Castle had been switched at birth? Would you have to eat tiny hamburgers while your seat gave you electrical shocks? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.edu,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Copenhagen, 27NOV99 ; AP's Sci Odyssey tour Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 07:39:55 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In sci.edu and sci.physics, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > Zurich has become my sort of home in Europe, my hub where I > radiate outwards to science sites. Yay! Archie has become a being of pure energy! People can't smell energy, right? Yay! > I like the prices here and quality of food and hotel accommodations > and overall friendly people who speak English and because of the fact > of ETH computer access. Why, I'll bet their sentence-construction skills were at LEAST as good as yours! If not gooder! > And although Zurich is a big city, I do not smell the air pollution of > a Rome or Athens. Arch... Europe's a big place. Bigger even than the distance between your house and your outhouse. Of course you won't be able to smell Rome or Athens from Switzerland. Unless you've invented a telesmelloscope. Which you can't have, because I just did! I give myself ONE THOUSAND YEARS to call dibs on the idea of ever inventing the concept of the telesmelloscope. Nobody can invent a telesmelloscope without paying me royalties on my idea of inventing the telesmelloscope! Also, if I say "telesmelloscope" two more times, it will become a real word. Then they'll have to list "telesmelloscope" in the Oxford English Dictionary and show a little picture of a telesmelloscope. (It'll be a scratch'n'sniff picture.) > I sense a strong work ethic and order discipline > in Zurich, to have things work well and correctly. Yeah, as opposed to all those other countries where they hate it whenever their stuff works right. > And the food is outstanding and tonight added some variety in my diet Variety, check. > with tuna salad Salad, check. > and a cucumber salad that was out of this world in flavor, Salad, check. > and a macaroni salad Salad, check. Variety... where's my eraser? > and a "preiselbern" (spelling) an elderberry sauce that looks like cranberry. Are you sure you weren't just eating dingleberries again, as described on the first page of your zany autobiography? > And the Swiss price of things is as such that the Swiss franc is like > a US dollar in the USA, GENIUS! SHEER UNMITIGATED GENIUS! > but, because the Swiss franc is 6/10 of a dollar and so, I am buying > things in Zurich that is at a 40% discount of what I would pay for > the same thing in the USA. For example, my hotel room costs > 28 Swiss franc but converted to USA ends up costing me only > $18.33. And $28 is usual for a USA room but $18.33 is cheap > by USA rates. So, Arch, last summer, which $28 hotel room did you stay in when you were in New York City? > The stark problem facing me now is that the days are too short. Now THERE'S an example of the pot calling the kettle black. > By the time I reach someplace it is already nightfall. Have you considered leaving earlier, o King Of Science And Logic? > The trouble facing me now is that the days are so short from > 0800 to 1600 to see much. ASTROPHYSICS IS ALL WEIRD IN EUROPE! IT MAKES SWITZERLAND'S SUN ORBIT THE EARTH FASTER THAN AMERICA'S SUN! > So what I am going to do is better plan my daylight > hours on sites to see. And one alternative is to just spend my last > week on one or two sites. Another alternative is to thrust myself into ______________________ <---- Fill in the blank, Charles Nelson Reilly! > the problem and to turn the problem into my favor and perhaps > gain experience or knowledge. The problem of short daylight is to > go to the furthest point north on the Eurail in Europe. To go to > Narvik Norway and eye witness the Sun dancing on the horizon from > east to west. I think that is a good response to adversity in many > cases. Join the adversity instead of fighting and resisting it and > thereby gaining knowledge from the experience. Thus, go to Narvik > Norway where the entire daylight hours are a mere Sun skipping > across the horizon from East to West. That would be a splendid > experience to keep in my happy remembrances. And many times > when I am dreaming or relaxing or reflecting on my past that the > experience of watching the Sun skip across the horizon will enter > my mind. Spend the whole day just watching the Sun do this HhEeYy AaRrCcHh IiSs TtHhEe LlSsDd KkIiCcKkIiNnGg IiNn YyEeTt??? > and couple that experience with the Parthenon experience where the > Sun was only about 20 degrees off of directly overhead. > > Now, I am wondering if the 4 years admittance into the Parthenon > in Ancient Greek times why is the number every 4 years for the > Sun to have illuminated the statue of Athena in a brilliant lighting? > Why the number 4 years for the Sun to be correct? And does the > number 4 years say something about the fact of 4 seasons? And > can this number 4 like a sundial measurement prove the > heliocentric system and the most simple experiments proving the > heliocentric system. And can you prove mathematically that all 4 segments of a Necco Skybar are equally stale everywhere on Earth? > That if the Earth were stationary and the Sun revolving around Earth > how could that come about when every 4 years the Sun is in identical > position would mean that the orbit of the Sun would require some great > force to change the Sun's orbit yet bring it back again to its identical > orbit of 4 years previous. But, Arch, then people would laugh at you if you ever used the term "year" in this wacky bizarro world where the Earth doesn't revolve around the sun. They'd have some other word for the unit of the Sun going around the Earth. I propose we call your new unit the centon. > A 4 year identicalness means a angle of variance for the Sun in its > orbit in the Geocentric system (and the equivalent of the 23 degree > tilt in Heliocentric system). > > I meet a German passenger on the Eurail train to Koln, but I am on > the way to Copenhagen. It was a delightful conversation because > we traded back jokes about the toilets of Europe "What did the French toilet say to the American toilet?" "Oui-oui!" Sorry, Charles Nelson Reilly said that, not me. Charles, you were supposed to make the potty joke on the previous page when I made the "Match Game '76" reference. Please keep "Wee-wee!" on the little blue card where it belongs. > and especially the Eurail train. About the train in Italy that the toilet > is just a hole and it lands in the middle of the track. In the future, in outer space, there will be no pollution because the space trains will have black holes in the restrooms! You'll have to hold onto the handrail to avoid being sucked in, but other than that they'll be fun to use. Especially if you stick the end of the roll of toilet paper in and watch it all unroll along a time-like direction. > My friend related to that story with the setting of a family having a > Sunday barbecue but have to make precautions when the train passes by > leaving some contributions to close to the vicinity of the barbecued food. > We had a good laugh out of that but then you pointed out that poop doesn't taste all that bad. > the best laugh was about the rather unique toilets in Florence Italy > where you have just an opening in the floor. A most primitive sort of > a toilet and I happened to be walking past when a younger man opened > the door on an older man who was crouched low and started making a > fuss because the younger man had opened the door on him. > If you have been to Europe and know about these toilets that I am > talking about then it is funny. HA HA HA HA! No, wait, I haven't been to Europe. Sorry, I just made your story not funny. > It is Saturday now, 27NOV and about 09:00 am awake and preparing > to enter Kobenhavn. I am sucking on cough drops of eucalyptus > menthol and am wondering which of the two ingredients is the > chemical that has the "refreshing" sensation of going up my nose. The rubber hose. > It sort of reminds me of hot peppers and that is an alkali chemical > that makes peppers hot. So I wonder if either eucalyptus or menthol > is an alkali, only not as strong as peppers, and is the cause of this > "refreshing" sensation. Because you are a scientist, you need to do the experiment. Stuff some sodium hydroxide up your nose and let us know how refreshing it is. > Now I meet another traveler only this one is from the USA. I am telling > him that the cardinal rule in traveling is to travel light and the test > for traveling light is that you can still run with all your gear. > In my case, with only 2 rucksacks I can still run and run fast. > However, I did make one oversight on this tour of Europe. I do not > have any gloves with me. And because I have about 10 pairs of gloves > at home, Wow! That must be almost twenty gloves! > I will not buy any new ones. Instead I will use some of the socks > if need be; especially if I do decide to go to Narvik. Yes, but do you still wet your socks? -> Especially the socks since I am going to be running alot, I -> want to wash those as often as possible under a sink and put them right -> back on to wear while wet. I often wet my socks in the summertime -> as air conditioning. -- Archimedes Plutonium, September 1999 > [...several paragraphs about crows and the grave of Niels Bohr...] > > I am trying to think back at my youth of 12 years old and did I have > any physics in me at that age? Most definitely not. I AGREE! > For it was not until High School that I was aware > of the subject of physics and what physics was about. I am just > curious if someone had come up to me at the age of 12 and > asked me the question "do you know what physics is?" What I > would have said by the age of 12? I am trying hard to think back > at my own mind when I was 12 years old and what physics content > was inside my mind at that young age. This self-analysis is > rather fun to do. And such rich territory. You should read a textbook on abnormal psychology, you'd find yourself fascinating. > I probably had heard of the term "physics" and probably would have > said "physics is a science". But I doubt that I would have as yet > realized at the age of 12 that physics was about motion and about > material objects and forces. So much of my knowledge and understanding > is already inside me without ever reading or hearing or learning from an > outside source. Yeah, but those are just the parts that are wrong. > That by the age of 12 my inner knowledge of physics was mostly > absent. But that if I had been, say, removed to an isolated place > such as Antarctica with no contact for 6 more years Damn! We coulda had a six-year-long party! > and then asked the same question "What is physics" I feel that I would > have answered that physics is about motion and objects in motion and > the forces between these objects. I feel that an education is mostly > the drawing out of what is already inside a person. Leave it to Archie to think that college is the same as disembowelment. > And that is the way of an Atom Totality superdeterminism. > > There are several Bohr's buried here. And I tried to find whether > Johan Ludvig Heiberg was buried at this graveyard of famous Danes. > There are 2 Heibergs, both have identical names, one wrote a famous > play called "A SOUL AFTER DEATH" and the other Heiberg was the > world expert translator of Archimedes palimpset. I wish to find out > more about the 2 Heibergs because, well, I believe I am the reincarnation > of Archimedes, and, believe it or not, my name used to be Ludvig. NOOOOOO! WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU EVER CHANGED YOUR NAME! YOU WERE ALWAYS MR. PLUTONIUM! OF THE CHICHESTER PLUTONIUMS! > And the story or play is about the concept of reincarnation. > I used my socks as gloves "Archie, you have your socks on the wrong feet." > for it was 7 degrees Celcius and it felt like 3-4 o'clock already > but it was only 12:30 local time. > > [...] > > Returning back to the train station in Copenhagen and getting > another close look at the Rathaus and adjoining buildings. The > Copenhagen Rathaus is a very beautiful building. Never mind the Rathaus, how was the Cathaus? -- K. Hey, I found some evidence that corroborates that you were indeed named "Ludwig" several years ago: [excerpt from "Ludwig Plutonium, The Chosen One" (1994), page 3:] -> -> A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER, JOHANNA POEHLMANN: I remember vivid scenes of -> my past with my mother, the first recollection of my mother, and the -> first conscious recollection that I was alive was in the crib, I was -> hungry and wanted something to eat and so I was eating this soft stuff -> and I could hear my mothers voice differently, a harsh tone now, and I -> saw her arms flinging around and she was making a fuss and later in my -> youth I asked her about this scene and she confirmed to me that I had -> eaten my own poop. P.S. I hereby renew my dibs on the telesmelloscope. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: A reminder. Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 07:47:11 GMT Reply-To: kibo@world.std.com Organization: HappyNet Headquarters Remember, the nineties are over. Now that it's the twenty hundreds, it's unhip to say "dot com". Here in the distant futuristic present, we say "dotto". "Honey, did you remember to pick up the drycleaning from Www Drycleaner Dotto?" Also, the twenty hundreds are formally named "The two thousands except fpr the ones after 2099 which are the twenty-one hundreds unless they're after 2199 in which case we'll use Stardates." -- K. And when do we get the personal autogyros so we can fly through the Transatlantic Tunnel? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: 17000 year old earth Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 08:06:46 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com (Hey, Red, you've made a very special friend!) In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > red I am not trying to be insulting. I do not think any person can give > good reasons for what I asked you. > > Please join this group. A lot of new people need to join this group. It > needs a lot of help. People are being mean to each other. People do not > know how they make each other feel. A lot of the information is bad. More > people could help. Girls could help a lot may be if the guys do not try to > impress them by insulting people. Some times guys do dumb things around > girls. So, Kurt, what do you do around girls? Did the girls of the world ever band together and get that restraining order keeping you 500 feet away from all female people? > To an extreme I want to leave the internet. You should look up Maelstrom's old lesson on how to write an X-TREEM K-RAD BURN0UT LETTER. Although all mad scientists invariably stomp around shouting "BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE DIDN'T GIVE ME A NOBEL PRIZE, I AM LEAVING THE INTERNET FOREVER!" every few months, only about half of them follow the rules. For instance, you're supposed to promise everyone on the Internet that you will pay them $1,000 (each) if you ever post again. You forgot to do that last time you said you were leaving: -> From: kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net -> Subject: slime -> Newsgroups: sci.physics -> Date: Sat, 02 Jan 1999 19:10:20 GMT -> -> I plan to leave for ever. But in the future if God wants me to talk -> for God I will. Some times God wants people to talk for him. When that -> is true people are not suppose to not tell the truth because of cursed -> meat rotting and decaying. -> -> It may be true I have the power to create a curse against people using -> praying to God. If that is true I plan to use that power. -> -> I will try to keep reading atricles written by people like Jimmy Carr, -> Tom D., Hermital and Jack S. Also, I don't know why you're using the Internet on God's behalf -- He is quite capable of using a computer if He wants to. > I left the internet in 1992. I started reading the internet again > around 1998. I am happy I missed a big mess. Wow! You missed the first five years of Archimedes Plutonium! You've got a lot of catching up to do if you want to be like him! > To an extreme I want to stop writing articles. Most of the time I write > articles only to try > to do my small part to create justice. I am 1 of a small number of fools > who stayed a long time. I need some body to hit me in my head hard. This is a trick, right? I bet that if we really do hit you in your head it'll just squirt us with water or something. -- K. +--------------- Quote In A Box ------------------+ | | | "I need some body to hit me in my head hard." | | -- Kurt Stocklmeir (March 1999) | | | +-------------------------------------------------+ P.S. You need a hug. *HUG* ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: My favorite Subject: headers in sci.geo.geology this week. Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2000 09:08:15 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com I subscribe to sci.geo.geology just for the Subject: lines. That and because Manley Hubbell used to post there before he was taken away by the saucer people. > Subject: Researchers Discover Extraterrestrial Gases In Buckyballs Unfortunately, they weren't Bucky Fuller's balls, they were Bucky Lewis's. And the gases were actually coming from somewhere behind them. > Subject: Foaming grouts Try new foaming grout, now with sparkling spackle! When you've been hunting wild rocks all day, it's the carbonated grout that quenches your thirst! > Subject: Buy a Winkie drill Ow! > Subject: Ignorance of Mars Duh, I are going to fly my spaceship straight from Earth to Jupiter! *CRASH* What's this big red thing I crashed into? It's round and dirty! Oh well, me die now! > Subject: magma diapirs Mommy, I'm getting a rash! -- K. Magma makes stalactites, lava makes stalagmites. Also, meteors and meteorites are completely different. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: My favorite Subject: headers in sci.geo.geology this week. Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 05:25:16 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Bob Flaminio (bob@flaminio.com) wrote: > > *** POSTING FROM CYDONIA *** Thank you for the interesting information Mr. _-_Flaminio. In reply to your question I know where seveal Bigfootf live and they sure like onion rings. > Along the same line, here's my favorite Subject: header from sci.astro this > week: > > > Subject: Have We Missed Sigs Of Life On Mars? > > > -Bob > "Send more spacecraft. Me still hungry" > > -Bob > "Uh -- ya got any color *besides* red?" > > -Bob > "So you liked the Face? Wait 'til you see the ASS on Mars!" > > -Bob > "Mission To Mars totally rawked, d00d!!!" > > -Bob > "I just flew in from Mons Olympus, and boy are my tentacles tired!" larf> Okay, I'm going to take over the SETI project and switch it from looking for signs of intelligent life in the universe to just looking for intelligence in .sigs. And I'm going to change that SETI@Home screensaver so that instead of displaying random made-up rainbow squiggles while it's working, it will display advertisements. I'll be RICH! -- K. SETI IS MASSIVELY PROFITABLE! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: My favorite Subject: headers in sci.geo.geology this week. Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 05:17:02 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Noah A Christis (haon4707@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Kawachinagano industries produce 90% of all the toothpicks used in Japan. Then they're shipped to Mexico for attachment of the remaining 10% of each toothpick. (They aren't allowed to make the tips in Japan. They might get splinters.) -- K. Fortunately, they believe that Mexicans like getting splinters. So it works out happy for everyone! Except for the Mexicans. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: This week's least important news story. Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 09:20:42 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com As of a few days ago, Tom Green has joined the exclusive fraternity of celebrities who have a number of testicles above zero but below two. (And you know who the other member is? HITLER!!!) Anyway, all the news coverage of Tom Green's testiclectomy raises one important question: They didn't give it to him in a jar, did they? PLEASE tell me he's not going to be running around shoving it into elderly people's faces. PLEASE. Even though I know you're lying, PLEASE tell me they didn't. -- K. Did we really need the TV news to tell us whether he had the left or right one removed? (Yes, they told us. THANK GOD I'VE FORGOTTEN.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: What is there to do in Minneapolis? Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 09:52:06 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com A followup on my travelling schedule -- Next I'll be going back to Vegas to complete my work there (I didn't get to see the Liberace Museum, the Tropicana's Gambling Museum, or the Neon Sign Museum the first time, and I want better photos of the crappy dragon at the Excalibur) because another $200 roundtrip airfare popped up (this time I get to stay a few extra days, woo-hoo) and I want to go before it gets really hot there. (I leave in about a month.) The Minneapolis trip will wait a little while, unless the $180 round-trip special disappears before I can pick a spot to fit it into my schedule. Fun fact my research uncovered: There are no menus on White Castle's Web site because apparently the outlets vary widely in what they sell (other than "Slyders"). The Minneapolis locations have "onion chips" while Manhattan gets "onion rings". Also, Minneapolis has the "chicken sandwich" but Manhattan has a "chicken ring sandwich". It seems that everything in Manhattan is ring-shaped. Also, why do they sell White Castles in bags of ten when six is the proper serving size? -- K. Eating ten would be GROSS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I still can't understand kosher food. Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 10:00:17 GMT Organization: www.kibo.com Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Why are all the kinds of vegetarian chopped liver spread (made from > > roasted eggplant, actually quite good) labelled "REAL VEGETARIAN LIVER"? > > What would "FAKE VEGETARIAN LIVER" be? > > The liver of a guy who only pretends to be a vegetarian. > > Duh. Waah! I've been duhed! JOE BAY, YOU STOP MAKING MY I.Q. GO DOWN!!! > > Why are there all those kosher hot dogs that say "666" in huge letters > > if I just turn the package upside-down? > > And why do kosher hot dog buns come in pacakges of 280? > And kosher airline food! What is the deal? And what's with the way they keep changing the spellings of stuff? Here's my latest bafflement while eating the stuff I bought at the Butcherie this week: We're used to all fresh-in-tubs deli food (i.e. tuna salad and hummus and similar stuff) having tamper-proof plastic seals on it. But usually to take your mind off the prospect of psychos slipping ruhypnol into your tapioca, they will say "SEALED FOR FRESHNESS". I bought some kosher-for-passover Lebanese pickled eggplant (which was really good) and it said "SEALED FOR FRESHNESS AND KASHRUTH." ("Kashruth" is Yiddish for "kosher".) So you see, in this case, the purpose of the safety seal is to keep out those mean people who go into the deli AND SLIP LITTLE BITS OF PORK INTO THE KOSHER FOOD! "Try our tzimas, with the new goy-proof lid!" -- K. It's the anti-anti-Semitic tamper-proof seal, just like on the Ark of the Covenant! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: News Of The Pointless! Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 10:21:54 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com > Subject: Teen sentenced to listen to Wayne Newton > > DETROIT, March 22 (UPI) - Some teens might consider the > sentence cruel and unusual punishment. > A Detroit teen Tuesday was sentenced to listen to the compact > disc, "Wayne Newton Greatest Hits," three times in a jury room at the > courthouse in Troy, Mich. Justin Rushford, 18, had been convicted of > blasting rap music from a truck radio. The truck happened to be next to > police car. > [...] > Martone said he "meant no disrespect" by choosing the music of > Las Vegas legend, crooner Wayne Newton - whose best known hit "Danke > Schoen" was recorded in 1963. Other selections included on the CD are > "Red Roses for a Blue Lady," "Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast," "I'll Be > With You in Apple Blossom Time," "More" and "Hello, Dolly!" > Rushford was apologetic after two hours of listening to Newton. I've never heard Wayne Newton sing "Danke Schoen". Every time I try to listen to him, he's singing some other song titled "Danky Sheen". > Subject: Israeli jailed for setting curse on Pope > > [...] > Internal Security Minister Shlomo Ben-Ami said the latest > incident was an esoteric, ridiculous, probably harmless act, but added, "But so is Kibology." > Subject: Students Face Punishment by Opera Wayne Newton sings "La Donna E. Moe-Beel!" > Subject: Inventive approach to eating veggies > > [...] > Nicholas Kretschmer, 10, will receive a $5,000 scholarship and > a trip to Washington for winning the contest sponsored by Green Giant. > [...] > Kretschmer's device is designed to hold an ear of corn and > make it rotate. He demonstrated it while singing "Corn to be Wild" to the > tune of Steppenwolf's "Born to be Wild". And then he spent the rest of the day running around waving it at his classmates yelling, "AYYYYY! SIT ON IT! AND ROTATE!" > Kretschmer beat out five other finalists and their inventions: > > --Demitrius Carrington, 6, Pittsburgh, and his Around the Neck Corn Holder; > > --Molly Ann Siegel, 7, Seminole, Fla., and her CoolBite Veggie Teepee; > > --Jessica Delaney, 8, Princeton, N.J., and her Peas and Corn Rolling Pin; > > --Danielle Gruen, 9, Pittsburgh, and her Pea Bot; and > > --Austin Schmerlzer, 10, Cape Coral, Fla., and his Veggie-Pult. But they were only in the Green Giant contest by accident. They meant to enter the Silly Names For Inventions contest. "Pea Bot" is almost as much fun to say as "AYYYY! SIT ON IT! AND ROTATE!" > Subject: Gnome exhibition opens in Paris > > PARIS, March 22 (AFP) - Two thousand dwarves, trolls, > lilliputians and other wee folk have taken up position in the > Bagatelle chateau and park in western Paris for an exhibition that > opened Wednesday. It's all part of the French campaign to Keep Paris Creepy. > THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND > > NASA is vigorously denying a UPI article that the space agency > knew the Mars Polar Orbiter was doomed prior to its December crash into > Mars but kept the information from the public. > Spokesman Brian Welch calls the story "whacko in every particular." Yeah! It implies NASA is capable of orchestrating a massive cover-up! Hey, they failed to keep the landing of Apollo 11 secret. What chance do you think they'd have of covering up something as important as the Mars Facefinder mission? > Subject: Slinky Headed for Toy Hall Fame ...but only because the toy hall is at the bottom of the stairs. -- K. It walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and has a metallic odor... (When I was a kid, I always noticed that my steel Slinky was kind of stinky.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I use God Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 05:49:36 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Chris Franks (chris_franks@agilent.com) wrote: > > "red" (kipper@imap2.asu.edu) wrote: > > > > Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > > > > > Girls tend to take math. Girls tend to stay away from physics. May be > > > girls will not associate with dishonest things like physics theories. > > > > Really? Because I (a girl) took physics in high school from a female > > instructor. It was interesting and fun. Face it. You don't trust it > > because you don't understand it. Probably because you've had crappy > > teachers. > > My high school physics teacher, Max Wittman, made the unequivocal > statement that girls' brains were completely mis-wired and that no girl > could learn anything about physics. When I protested, in front of > the class, that he was surely mistaken, he became somewhat angry, and > asked me if I thought I could teach the girls, whom he had sequestered > on one side of the room so as not to disturb us male "scholars" on the > other side. I told him that I certainly could not do worse than he > was doing. He threw the chalk at me and stormed out of the room. I > then took over the class and explained the questions. This happened > several times, and the result was that every "girl" in the class passed > the exam except for Theresa Lupinetti, and she was learning-disabled in > all subjects thru no fault of her own. > Misogyny qualifies as crappy. That last sentence should be the title of a book that makes a hundred million dollars. And while we're on the subject of Ayn Rand, have you seen that new movie based on her book "Battlefireld Earth"? Pee-yew! They shouldn't let girls take physics courses because then it would prevent them from ever writing any science fiction, and we all know girls' brains aren't wired for science fiction. The only good sci-fi writers are men, like James Tiptree, Jr. and both halves of Eando Binder. -- K. Also, Kibology qualifies as disqualified. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I use God Summary: Warning: This article ends with an incredibly obvious straight line Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 06:07:41 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "red" (kipper@imap2.asu.edu) wrote: > > Chris Franks (chris_franks@agilent.com) wrote: > > > > My high school physics teacher, Max Wittman, made the unequivocal > > statement that girls' brains were completely mis-wired and that no girl > > could learn anything about physics. > > Physics has been proven to make women ugly. Are you saying that Garry Shandling is a female physicist? If so, that's a very low blow! Stop being mean to Garry Shandling just because he's incredibly hideous! > It also makes no man want to marry them. And it makes their cooking awful. Wait... women can cook now? I thought all professional chefs were men! > And then they have to become a librarian, and George Bailey runs after > them screaming NOOOOOOOO! I don't get it because I haven't seen "It's A Wonderful Life" in 25 years, I've just seen about twenty sitcoms ripping it off. Also that propaganda film where the guy desperately tries to take back his wish that they never invented the household spring. So I will take it on faith that the original movie had Jimmy Stewart chasing female librarians around while trying to find out how Boston Public Library President Bernie Margolis lost the fifteen thousand dollars. Then the talking spring says, "Whenever you hear a wacky BOI-OI-OING-NG-NG, another angel gets his spring!" > Look at me. Nearly 25, unmarried, no boyfriend. Took physics and > trigonometry in high school. Coincidence? I think not. In college, I got a minor in math, but it was couple with a really useless major so it doesn't count and I'm not a nerd. -- K. Often I board a crowded subway car just to yell, "HA HA I AM NOT A NERD!" and then I get off. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: dim sum Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 06:18:46 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > > > Giant Economy-Size Kontext-Away can be found in a grocery store near you! > > > I just wonder if they have a modified twinkie-cream injector. > > They'd only have to disable about half of the creme-stabilizing devices, > > and rig it to inject giant pieces of meat without any trace of the > > injection. > > Giant Economy-Size Kontext-Away may not be available in all states. Check > with your doctor. Yeah, and why did you even bother using expensive Kontext-Away on such a lame episode of "Mission: Impossible"? It's not nearly as good as the one where Martin Landau and Greg Morris had to rig a Pez dispenser to emit Altoids in the Oval Office, and then remove all traces of the laser-activated whoopee cushion. > > It's very yummy. Surrounding the pork is a puffy thing that looks like > > an uncooked biscuit and has the texture of the inside of a marshmallow. > > You've found Kibo's pillow! "For a restful night's sleep, professional sleepers choose puffed pork." I'm going to keep saying that sentence until the guys from Jordan's Furniture and Bernie & Phyl both think it's a real ad and make wacky parodies of it so I can see which one is better. Then they'll all go beat up Len Cella! > Dave "was there earthworm soup?" DeLaney I don't think there ever was. I think it's just one of those urban legends spontaneously created by a malfunctioning disk drive on the Web. -- K. You know, like "Microsoft Bob". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: "Someday, my prints will come..." THE FINAL BATTLE! Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 06:58:09 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Last Saturday, I wrote: > > Remember how, in 1998, I decided to buy a digital camera after > the lab lost my PhotoCD and/or negatives a few too many times? > > They just -- _today_ -- found a roll of film that I dropped off year > before last. > > I wonder if they've developed it yet. > > I'll pick it up this weekend [...] Tuesday I went to pick it up. On that SIXTH visit concerning this particular lost roll of film, the idiot employee at Ritz Camera looked in the bin for a couple seconds and couldn't find it. He declined to look through the rest of the tiny store to see where the manager could have put it without telling him. He suggested I come back between 9 and 6 when the manager would be there. Thursday I went back to pick it up. On that SEVENTH visit, circa 4:45 pm, the manager was not there. Another idiot employee made a cursory check of the bin and explained that he was new and didn't know where the manager would have put it. He declined to look around the tiny store for the two-year-old envelope and suggested I come back the next day to see the manager between 9 and 5. I observed that I sometimes have better things to do during hours of employment than to make repeated trips to Ritz Camera to ask them about the same film over and over. He suggested that I call the manager tomorrow. I observed that it would be rather unsatisfactory to have my photos read aloud over the phone, and requested his assurance that the manager would be there between 9 and 5 on Saturday. Saturday, today, I went back to pick it up. My EIGHTH visit regarding this particular payload which was misplaced by the microcephalic, leprous, lice-ridden diarrhetic slime molds at Ritz Camera and/or the Kodak lab. (Both are equally culpable and had lost or delayed my film repeatedly, resulting in many needless trips to pick up film that wasn't there, _before_ this worst case.) I spoke to the same employee as the previous time, as the manager was helping someone else at the moment. _This_ time he decided to look through the entire bin while I waited, I guess because he realized I was about to talk to the manager in front of him. Eventually the manager was free and this guy had the brilliant idea of actually asking the manager where he hides the special photos that he calls people to come pick up. (I would say this makes him smarter than the manager who doesn't bother telling his employees where he puts the photos that are ready to be picked up. And why didn't he just put mine in with the others, anyhow?) The manager disappeared into the closet^H^H^H^H^H^Hback room and returned with an envelope with a roll of film in it. It was a roll of blank (developed) film. I waited two years and made eight trips to pick up a roll of film with nothing on it. I had shot three rolls of film and lost track of which one was the blank one, so I dropped them all off with the PhotoCD to which they were supposed to be appended. Big mistake, ever letting them have a PhotoCD back. The Kodak lab obviously took one look at the blank negatives and said, "Oh, these are blank! We don't have to do anything with these! That means we can throw his PhotoCD away! But at least send his blank negatives back so that Ritz Camera can misplace them, then find them two years later, then misplace them again! Now I are picking my nose! I enjoy the smell of these chemicals!" The Ritz Camera employee's manual presumably says: "If you can't find something, don't look for it, just tell the person whose property it is to come back tomorrow because it might magically reappear in the only place you want to bother looking." I spent a few seconds thinking about writing a letter to their management telling them how they could improve their service, but given that this Ritz Camera had an award on the wall for having the best service in the chain (really!) I feel the only way they could improve Ritz Camera would be to detonate one or more nuclear bombs in each store, preferably after forcing the employees to drink all the sludge that comes out of the one-hour photo machine. So, in any case, the distal end of this experience (when they lost my PhotoCD and film two years ago) was what prompted me to buy a digital camera right then and there, which was a favor in a way because since then I have never again needed to do any business with any photo store or the Kodak lab which did all the PhotoCD work everywhere. Except, of course, for the three trips this week to pick up a long strip of solid orange plastic with sprocket holes. I broke Kodak's lab _and_ Ritz Camera by asking them to process some film that didn't have any dirty pictures on it. (It's not as if Ritz Camera wouldn't have lost them anyway. After first promising me they would be back in two weeks, and then Kodak would hang onto them for four weeks, and every time I asked Ritz about them they would assure me that they would _definitely_ be in tomorrow. You may recall me complaining about Kodak's and Ritz's urine-poor service even before they lost my PhotoCD.) In summation, let me say: * Kodak's photo lab is run by people with the IQ of half a strand of spirogyra. * Ritz Camera is staffed entirely by people with the IQ of 1/65536 a strand of dry-roasted spirogyra that eats nothing but lead paint chips. Ritz Camera is a chain of stores (one in every mall nationwide) so normally I shouldn't generalize to saying this about _all_ their employees. Except that the ones I've had to deal with have been _so_ incompetent that I can't imagine they haven't contaminated the entire chain. (It's not wise to deal with any organization that has any employees this inept, even if they're in another state.) Imagine the mall's floor was really shiny and you stepped on a cockroach and you skidded about six feet on your heel, leaving a cockroach-colored six-foot-long stripe. And then you carefully peeled up the linoleum that had the stripe on it, and used scissors to snip out a quarter-inch section of six-foot-long cockroach smear. That quarter-inch of ichor could outwit any three Ritz Camera employees. Even if you added Stephen Hawking _and_ Dennis Miller to their team. -- K. Heck, Manley Hubbell could outwit them. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.fan.mike-jittlov,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Who will win? Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 20:01:32 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Mike Jittlov (mike@wizworld.com) wrote: > > As I telepathically informed everyone over two months ago, > Al Gore will win the Presidential Election. Not by my vote, > though -- I always write in Gregory Peck. I always write _on_ Gregory Peck. > > Who will win an Academy Award? > > Oh. That's different. I can't mention herein the full list > of Wiz Predix (tm), because the Academy of Motion Pictures > might wag a filmic finger at me, as they just did regarding > _The_Wall_Street_Journal_'s "geeky thing in the journalism > world." But four little fortellings in alt.fam.mike-jittlov > shouldn't raise a negative digit. And I'm a geek. So: > > For Best Picture, "American Beauty" will get an Academy Award. I wrote in "Baby Geniuses". > For Best Actor in a Leading Role, Denzel Washington will get > an Academy Award. I wrote in "Baby Geniuses". > For Best Actor in a Supporting Role, Michael Caine will get > an Academy Award. I wrote in "Baby Geniuses". ALSO I AM NEVER SARCASTIC!!!! > For finding 52 stolen Academy Awards in a trash dumpster, > Willie Fulgear won't get a single one of the trophies. > > But he will get two free tickets to the Y2K Academy Award > ceremony. And a $50,000 reward from the company which lost > the statuettes. Which sounds like the best deal of all. It's not like he could BUY a little gold statue for his mantle with $50,000, or anything. This isn't the first time Oscars have been swiped before the ceremony. I think from now on, people will be rooting through every dumpster in the area twice as much before every awards show. (That's how they came up with the script for "Baby Geniuses". It was thrown out by a man who realized it wasn't as good as his other screenplays. And that man's name was... ARCHIMEDES REBANE.) > Note: if any of the above fails to occur.. Hey, what do *I* > know? The last movie I saw was "Matrix". And enjoyed it. > No, wait... I also saw "Galaxy Quest" -- with NetGhoddess > Meriday Beth. Now *that* was a movie experience! 8-) I think my copy's defective, I can't find her anywhere in it. > _____________________________________ ___._`.*.'_._ ________ > Mike Jittlov - Wizard . . + * .o o.* `.`. +. > Hollywood, California ' * . ' ' |\^/| `. * . * > mike@wizworld.com (: May All Your \V/ Good Dreams > http://www.wizworld.com and Fine Wishes /_\ Come True:) > ========================================== _/ \_ =========== > > "Love is not a matter of counting the years. > It's making the years count." > -- Wolfman Jack Smith > > > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Before you buy. Okay, I've read it, now I can buy whatever you're selling. What _are_ you selling? And can I get two for the price of one double-size one? -- K. And can I ePay with my eCredit eCard for total eSatisfaction and maximum eNjoyment? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Why haven't you people been complaing about this? Date: Wed, 29 Mar 2000 08:52:44 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com It would save me _so_ much time if you guys would complain about the fact that Levi's is advertising PRE-FRAYED CUTOFF JEANS now. I mean, first it was soaking the jeans in acid to make them already half-worn-out, but now they're charging extra to cut off the legs with garden shears and throw them in a rock tumbler! I would complain about this in detail but I'm sort of busy right now. Get to work on this, please. Especially you, Lee Bumgarner. -- K. I hear Burger King is testing pre-frayed French Frays.