Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Whoosh! Super Improved Kontext-Away Visits Alt.Sci.Physics.New-Theories! Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 08:29:25 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Quinn Inuit (quinn_inuit@POINGyahoo.com) wrote: > > Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > > > Wild-E-CyotePHD@webtv.net wrote: > > > > > > > > A simple way to make superconductors and > > > > graviry machines > > > > > > OH NO! WE CAN'T SHUT THE GRAVIRY MACHINE OFF! IT'S COVERING THE > > > WHOLE TOWN IN RICH, BEEFY GRAVY! WE'LL HAVE TO EVACUATE THE TOWN! > > > EVERYONE INTO THE CHUCK WAGON! > > > > Yes, Kibo, but WHAT KIND of gravy? > > Can I say it? Please? Only if I can say "liverwort". -- K. EWW, LIVERWORT GRAVY! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: a girl and relativity Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 08:38:03 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Today's science theory, from alt.sci.physics.new.theories. Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > A girl is suppose to be not flat all over to have a big area. You know, if Mike Nelson weren't so gay, he would talk about girls' areas all the time on "Mystery Science Theater 3000". Or the nuttier version, "Alt Science Theater 3000". -- K. So, Kurt, do you like your girls to have positive or negative curvature all over? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: a girl and relativity Date: Thu, 4 May 2000 04:30:49 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > Weird people run into the world on the internet. I agree, although it took me a minute to figure out what you meant until I realized that you accidentally added an extra word to that sentence. "into". > Normal people need to watch out. The thinking of normal people can > change if they are around weird people. Most of the people I meet are > not like people on the internet. May be the weird people need to > use the internet because people around them will not associate with them. > The world would be better for good normal people without the internet. Okay, Kurt, please clarify your position for me by checking one box in each row: BAD GOOD INTERNET --------> [ ] [ ] COMPUTERS -------> [ ] [ ] WEBTV -----------> [ ] [ ] FAX MACHINES ----> [ ] [ ] SMELLOVISION ----> [ ] [ ] POKEMON ---------> [ ] Thank you for participating. > The internet is good for bad people and weird people. > > There are not a lot of normal people associated with these physics groups. > These physics groups are a weird mess. That's because of all the gunge! I don't mind Wild E. Cyote dumping buckets of green slime over fashion models in bikinis, I just wish he'd mop it up once in a while. It keeps going rancid. Do you know how hard it is to win a Nobel prize for doing scientific research while standing hip-deep in goopy gunge? > A person does not need to take physics classes to know a lot about physics. > I do not go by how many physics classes a person has taken. > > I know why there are lot of bad people associated with these physics > groups. I know why there are a lot of fools associated with these physics > groups. I know why there are a lot of people who do not know a lot about > physics associated with these physics groups. God has sent them. God > wanted to make these physics groups bad. > > God is creating justice. If these physics groups were good there would not > be justice. I... see... so... God... sent... you... to... post... to... the... Internet... to... punish... us... for... reading... posts... by... wackos? -- K. P.S. What did you get on your SATs? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology,alt.sex.bondage.particle-physics From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: a girl and relativity Date: Thu, 4 May 2000 04:38:22 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > [apparently in reply to Simon Clark, but we don't know because > Mr. Stocklmeir doesn't know how to quote or attribute] > > I was making it up. I did not know people said it before me. I could say > more but some girls will get me. They would find me and torture me. Waah! I tried to read <> magazine to learn about Oprah's new plan for shooting all the beef in the world into space, but it turned out that <> was filled with pictures of rubber nuns spanking Kurt Stocklmeir with spiked Ping-Pong paddles in a bathtub full of leather-flavored Jell-O! In those four snippy little sentences, Kurt has simultaneously ruined physics and S&M forever! -- K. P.S. Hopefully Wild E. "Cyote" will show up here and say "gunge" now. He deserves the Nobel Prize For Gunge! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: a girl and relativity Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:02:31 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Shh, ladies and gentlemen, we need absolute silence here. The man is going for a world record... Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > [addressed to someone or other -- ever notice that kooks tend to > not know how to quote or attribute?] > > It is slime like you who have made this group bad. ^^^^^ DING! > I am not upset about that. I think it is good. It's good that this group is bad! But it's bad that you think this group is good because it's bad. > You are just slime from a sewer. ^^^^^ DING! > You have a lot of friends. You and your friends slime back to your sewer. ^^^^^ DING! > Good people need to see how many slime there are and how slimey they are. ^^^^^ ^^^^^^ DING! DINGY! > Good people need to understand what happens when there are slime around. ^^^^^ DING! > Most of the time a group is made up of good people and bad people. Yes, most people are either good or bad or in-between. GENIUS!!!! > Different groups start out with different amounts of good people and bad > people. I have found when a group starts to get more bad people than good > people the good people start leaving. That makes it worse. As the group > gets worse more bad people join. > > These physics groups are about as low as they can get. I am not fighting > that part. > I want good people to understand this kind of thing is happening a lot. A > lot of people on juries are like these slimes. ^^^^^^ DING!! > A lot of police are like these slimes. ^^^^^^ DING!! > A lot of judges are like these slimes. ^^^^^^ DING!! > People are being abused. God is not going to look the other way. > > Good people need to think about some things. How many people associated > with these physics groups are good people. How many are bad people. How > many people know a lot about physics. Do people learn a lot reading these > physics groups. Is it a waste of time reading these groups. > > I will say what I think. There are a lot of people who insult people. A > lot of people answer people who insult people. There are not a lot of > honest people who are writing articles. There are not a lot of people who > know a lot about people. I think most of these people have not taken any > physics classes. People do not learn a lot about physics with these > groups. > > Only a slime with brain damage would say I make these groups bad. ^^^^^ DING! > Good people need to understand how low the bad people are. Some of these > people are about as bad as people get. I learn things when people make fun > of A.P. losing his job washing dishes. There's no need for you to insult poor old Archie. He got very angry whenever anyone called him a "dishwasher". For your information, he always insisted he was a "potwasher". I guess you have a lot to learn about why potwashing is a noble occupation unlike dishwashing. > I learn things when a lot of people harass an old man who has trouble > thinking. These people are repulsive. The people who go along with > them are repulsive. The people who go along with James Parry are as > repulsive as James Parry. Uncle Al is a dirty old man. The people > who go along with Uncle Al are as bad as Uncle Al. This is the worst demo reel I've ever heard from a prospective rap artist. > The slimes punish these physics groups. ^^^^^^ DING!! > It is up to people how the world runs. The good people can run it or the > bad people can run it. > > It is up to people how these groups run. The good people can run it or the > bad people can run it. The good people can run the group by not > associating with the bad people. Good people only talk to each other. Let > the slimes talk to each other. ^^^^^^ DING!! > Girls and boys who are good you need to do your small part to fight against > the slimes. ^^^^^^ DING!! And the judges' results are in... Thirteen, ladies and gentlemen! For the first time ever, a silly rant has repeated the word "slime" thirteen times! Kurt Stocklmeir has posted an article which uses the word "slime" more times than anyone else, ever! -- K. P.S.: slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime himom slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime slime I WIN! You can send The Nobel Prize For Saying "Slime" More Than Kurt Stocklmeir to my secret P.O. box at an undisclosed location. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: a girl and relativity Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:05:55 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote [quoted in full]: > > Girls and boys God sent to you James Parry to punish you. You only got > what you asked for. So, where's my pile of all the candy in the world? I asked for it HOURS ago! -- K. P.S. God says you should go stand in the corner in a dunce cap with a Bozo wig on it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: WILD-E-Cyote Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 08:54:33 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Wild-E-CyotePHD@webtv.net wrote: > > Here are the e mailers with the help of the sheriff have been exsposed. > Both have poped thier ugly heads up and shot there own feet. How does one pope his head up? By putting on a spiffy zuchetto? > But you use the fake naims wile harasing in e mail cowards aganst a 70 > year old man. > Oh Im 71 now ! I take back my theory about Mr. "Cyote" having the optional WebTV keyboard. He must just have the little remote control, because it took him a year to type those two sentences. I'm just glad that Mr. "Cyote" uses his real name and not a poorly-spelled made-up cartoon name. By the way, Wild, how would you spell "pseudonym"? > [...] > > Most of you ignore the facts even if you must resort to childs play. I > did not run a foundry for 45 years on childsplay. Monotype? Bitstream? Stephenson Blake? You're the guy who drew Bitstream Old Dreadful No. 7, aren't you? HEAVEN FORFEND THERE COULD BE A CRAZY FONT DESIGNER LOOSE ON THE INTERNET!!! > I will be with jesus soon for you non believers ...well there are > no nonn believers here. You will change your minds some day. When > you have seen enouph. > My 52 patents and trips to the us pat off long ago led me to a place > around th corner at the pub . Here I ran into the man every day from the > patt office. He was a goofy man but fairly smart. We argued abot god and > drank till > they shut the cealing fans off every night for weeks. Every night, they shut them off for weeks? However, I am sincerely impressed by your 52 imaginary patents. That blows the doors of Archimedes Plutonium's grand total of only 3 patents. However, his had actual patent numbers, which was good because we could look them up to see that there were no patents connected to those numbers. Could you please post a list of your 52 patent numbers so that we could look them up to be sure you really do have 52 imaginary patents and didn't slip a real one in to raise your total? > Old joe stoupher and elbert einstine > would laph and joke like me till we wasall too drunk to leive the pub, You misspelled "Albart Ienstien." Also, what position did Einstein have in your foundry? > One night as we left the pub Einstinne says to me with tears in his > eyes. ( is it a curse ..to have one thing you must loose another, > Inteligents dose not amount to happiness.) You're mean! You made Einstienne Rouette cry! Even though English isn't either of your native languages! By the way, when it comes to words like "Einstein", your super-genius theories might be taken more seriously if you'd just pick one spelling and GO WITH IT! If you misspelled it the same way every time, that would be evidence of some sort of intelligence. > I leave you with When god puts inteligents in your hands work it with > all your might. > When god puts love in your hart love with all abandonment. Science is > good but herd dont let it consume you because none loves science. > EI often felt cursed . He would have rather been stupid and pappy with a > home full of love. Who is EI? Oh, I get it, you were referring to Elbert Ienstienne. Understanding your articles is hard! I guess I'm just not dumb enough to understand you! > Why do you think we sat at the pub every night. > Is it so smart to traid intelect for love ? > Wich would you leave to the world. > My millions will go to feed kids. Im too old to enjoyit anyway. Hey, cool, you have millions of dollars AND you get Internet access through your TV screen. Just out of curiosity, do you have an imaginary foundation with a "Legal-Law Desk" somewhere near Dartmouth? Do you like candy? > Bot moost of you should go spend your time living instead of non rest and > thinking. At least somthing you do will make sence. And I hope athieisem > if a tempoary condition you will over come. Ieeiensteiiein was not an aithieieist!!! He was a good Jeieieieiw!!!! -- K. I wish Einstein had a middle name so Mr. "Cyote" could misspell it too. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: WILD-E-Cyote Date: Thu, 4 May 2000 04:11:33 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Joe Manfre (manfre@flash.net) wrote: > > That reminds me. I was watching a "Family Feud" show from the '70s > today, and one family was trying to think up the number-one answer > for "a profession in which Russian people become famous." The > other three answers (ATHLETE, DANCER, and SCIENTIST) had already > been figured out. The first family got three strikes so the other > family tried to steal. > > And... > > they... > > responded... > > "COMMUNISM!" Hmm. I wonder if professional communism pays well. Do they have a good union? > p.s. The correct answer was "COSMONAUT." I think every country should have its own made-up word for "astronaut" instead of the real word "astronaut" which appeared in the Bible. For instance, French people could be "Cheezonauts" and Australians could be "Austronaut Astaroos". -- K. And a Kibologist astronaut would be addressed as "Please don't drop any pennies on me from orbit Mr. Kibologist sir!" Unless he's a woman. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Who Made God?1234 Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 09:05:38 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, "Doris Frazier" (toasjeferson@webtv.net) wrote: > > The energy presure of space is the diferance > between the reaction time of gunpowder on earth and in space . There is > less energy presure near earth because some of the space that makes up > earth is condenced. Space is not empty. > By the way. Is my spelling and english improving? A 13 year old can > spell beter but can they tell you what EI wished he could tell you? A 13 year old can usually spell both his real name and his pseudonym correctly, and can figure out whether they're a boy or a girl, Mr. "Cyote" / Mr. "Jeferson" / "Doris". By the way, could you please tell us some more about the scientist you call "EI"? -- K. Was he the scientist in that Steven Spielberg movie, "TE"? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: ADVANCED BEINGS CAN CAUSE DROUGHT Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 10:50:13 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.astrology, "Intelligences" (intelligences@my-deja.com) wrote: > > ADVANCED BEINGS CAN CAUSE DROUGHT > > We post this for the BENEFIT of the TRADITIONAL peoples of India > who have suffered in recent years because of bad weather, such > as DROUGHT, cyclones and other NATURAL phenomena that occur when > human GOVERNMENTS are making fatal mistakes: > > There are ADVANCED BEINGS who can modify any physical substance > to conform to THEIR plans to defend the Planet from human evil. > > For example, when the SOCIALIST Governments of mainland China or > North Korea are busy creating nuclear weapons, then ADVANCED > BEINGS can cause excess RAIN and FLOODS to occur. > > ADVANCED BEINGS can do this with ease because THEY have THESE > abilities. > > Also, ADVANCED BEINGS are in control of the UFO phenomena. [...it goes on about other important subjects, but I omitted most of the middle of the article because you people are already familiar with the way the flying saucers are harassing the people of India...] > One has only to look at the CORRELATION between World Government > plans to destroy Iranian oil platforms in the Gulf of Iran in > October 1987 and the MASSIVE STORM that hammered Britain's > buttocks to see what Nature's Advanced Beings can do in times of > human serpentine deviationism. Her Majesty's new tourism slogan: "Britain. The Country That Has Buttocks." > The time has come: > > STOP MONKEY A WHITE PEOPLE > > and Big Money Rubes who rule over a White People. > > NO EINSTEIN BOMB! I'M GONNA SIC THE STOP MONKEY ON THAT EINSTEIN GUY! LET THE STOP MONKEY OUT OF THE OFFICIAL STOP MONKEY SACK! GO MAUL EINSTEIN, MY LITTLE STOP MONKEY! EINSTEIN, I'M OPENING A SACK OF STOP MONKEY ON YOUR BUTTOCKS! OH NO, EINSTEIN KILLED MY STOP MONKEY! HE'S GONE TO STOP MONKEY HEAVEN! NOW I'LL HAVE TO PUT A REPLACEMENT STOP MONKEY IN MY STOP MONKEY SACK! I JUST HOPE THE REPLACEMENT STOP MONKEY STORE IN THE REPLACEMENT ANIMAL MALL IS STILL OPEN! OH NO, THE STORE IS CLOSED BECAUSE ALIENS ARE CONTROLLING STORE CLOSING TIMES! -- K. I will give one invisible dollar to the person who captures the first photograph of the Stop Monkey in its native habitat, Stop Land... THE COUNTRY WITHOUT BUTTOCKS! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Two giant metal objects crash from sky in South Africa Date: Thu, 4 May 2000 03:56:45 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Also, after Apollo 11 splashed down and Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin > > got a heroes' welcome, they forgot to take Michael Collins out of the > > capsule. You can see him still strapped into his seat. > > Well, DUH. That's why they had to put it in the Air and Space Museum. > He was the museum's first director, and he commanded the whole place from > inside his little command module. He'd only take his helmet off to chow > down on some tasty, pumice-like Astronaut Ice Cream from the gift shop. > Interns had to bring it to him, and they had to wash their hands if they > had touched the moon rock you can touch. I would have licked it if that NASA SS officer hadn't been standing guard a foot away. So I just touched it. Here's what a moon rock feels like: +--------+ | | touch here ------> | | <------ then pretend this is colder and greasier | | +--------+ The touchable moon rock is an isosceles triangle about one inch by half an inch, and is embedded in the Formica veneer of the tabletop. What a ripoff! I want my Smithsonian admission back!!! I'm never going to touch another touchable moon rock ever again... I'm going back to touching plain ordinary tektites from my back yard. -- K. And they never found out what happened to Michael Collins after he reached into V'Ger and was then covered with glowing wads of cotton that made scratches all over the lens. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Another reason why the CAPalert guy is loony Date: Thu, 4 May 2000 04:02:40 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Brian Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > I just found out during lunch today that one of my coworkers worked on > Baby Geniuses, she even has a credit. > > She didn't understand why I was laughing so hard when she mentioned it. > I tried to explain the a.r.k backstory behind my fit of giggles. As to > be expected, she just looked at me like I was fucked in the head. > > So mostly I think I just managed to end up offending her. She did agree > that the movie was terrible. Before she gets the restraining order against you, could you please ask her (a) whether Jon Voight was under the influence of some sort of alien brain-destroying Diaper Gravy Ray when he produced the movie, and (b) how they managed to color-correct the scenes filmed at the Adventuredome at Circus Circus in Las Vegas, which in its natural state is illuminated in Pepto-Bismol pink-colored sunlight which comes in through its Barbie-eqsue magenta windows. All my photos from there look like they were photographed through an aquarium filled with pureed salmon. -- K. Also, (c) why did the toddler's legs triple in length whenever he started dancing? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Another reason why the CAPalert guy is loony Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:43:24 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Brian Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Before she gets the restraining order against you, could you please > > ask her (a) whether Jon Voight was under the influence of some sort > > of alien brain-destroying Diaper Gravy Ray when he produced the movie, > > and > > No one will ever know the answer to that question. My coworker did > confess that she still keeps in touch with the people she worked with on > the film. Aparently they've bonded because of the horrible experience > which is "Baby Geniuses". "Hello, I'm Robert Vaughn. Tonight we'll see how a scientist working in a remote laboratory mixed The Stockholm Syndrome with Diaper Gravy to create The Helsinki Formula." > > (b) how they managed to color-correct the scenes filmed at > > the Adventuredome at Circus Circus in Las Vegas, which in its natural > > state is illuminated in Pepto-Bismol pink-colored sunlight which comes in > > through its Barbie-eqsue magenta windows. All my photos from there look > > like they were photographed through an aquarium filled with pureed salmon. > > I don't know, but I'm sure it cost lots of money... maybe involved some > digital scanning and color correction of the original film, or maybe they > altered the lighting of Circus Circus when they shot those scenes. The final sequence takes place entirely at night, so I'm assuming they simply shot under artificial light. Now, there is one scene of Kathleen Turner (you can tell she's evil because she has Hillary Hair) opening the park (ostensibly in Pasadena, actually in Las Vegas) near the beginning, but darned if I lack the will to pull out the tape and watch that movie a third time just to see if they had any sort of daylight. I didn't manage to get any good digital color-correction happening with my photos of the Adventuredome's pink sunlight, so when they appear on my Web site you're going to have a craving for Pepto Bismol. > > Also, (c) why did the toddler's legs triple in length whenever > > he started dancing? > > They achieved this by digitally super-imposing the toddler's face over that > of a dancing midget. (Seriously). REALLY? I JUST THOUGHT THE KID'S LEGS MAGICALLY STRETCHED!!! > Apparently they hooked up the toddler in a harness and sort of bounced > him up and down to capture the images which were later placed on the midget. > > She also said that at some point the creative decision was made to add > teeth to the baby's digitally manipulated mouths. Please don't continue this discussion because I'm afraid someone will say something about "digitally manipulated rectums." -- K. Hey, it's a perfectly good word in plane geometry. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Another reason why the CAPalert guy is loony Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:45:02 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Nick Bensema (nickb@io.com) wrote: > > Brian Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I just found out during lunch today that one of my coworkers worked on > > Baby Geniuses, she even has a credit. > > > > She didn't understand why I was laughing so hard when she mentioned it. > > I tried to explain the a.r.k backstory behind my fit of giggles. As to > > be expected, she just looked at me like I was fucked in the head. > > Do not attempt to use Kibological memes on those who are not familiar > with them. You WILL get dumb looks. We have all learned this the hard way. You haven't tried this on ENOUGH women. -- K. "Hey, baby, want to come back to my pad to see my postings?" ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Astronomers Obtain Radar Images Of Giant Metal Dog Bone-Shaped Asteroid Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 05:42:13 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com NASA just pressed "release" to release this press-release to the press: > > Donald Savage > Headquarters, Washington, DC May 4, 2000 > (Phone: 202/358-1547) > > Jane Platt > Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA > (Phone: 818/354-0880) > > RELEASE: 00-74 > > ASTRONOMERS CATCH IMAGES OF GIANT METAL DOG BONE ASTEROID ...and then they saw a second one that was only SHAPED like a giant metal dog bone! "Waah!" cried Spot. "Albert Einstein blasted my giant metal dog bone into space and now he won't get it down even though I'm going to hold my breath until I die!" Then he held his breath until he died. The end. > NASA astronomers have collected the first-ever radar images > of a "main belt" asteroid, a metallic, dog bone-shaped rock the > size of New Jersey, also knows as "the rocky, dog bone-shaped state the size of an asteroid." And remember, if New Jersey was made out of neutron star matter, a teaspoon of New Jersey would weigh as much as New Jersey! > an apparent leftover from an ancient, violent cosmic collision. > > The asteroid, named 216 Kleopatra, is a large object in the > main asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter; it measures about 135 > miles (217 kilometers) long and about 58 miles (94 kilometers) > wide. Kleopatra was discovered in 1880, but until now, its shape > was unknown. > > "With its dog bone shape, Kleopatra is one of the most > unusual asteroids we've seen in the Solar System," "...but perfectly ordinary among the _other_ asteroids we've seen," said the scientist as he returned to his work with NASA's secret portal to Dimension 12 (The Dimension With The Extra Asteroids.) > said Dr. Steven Ostro of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA, ...THE SAME CITY IN WHICH "BABY GENIUSES" WAS SET! > who led a team of astronomers observing Kleopatra with the 1,000-foot > (305-meter) telescope of the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. And then Pierce Brosnan blew it up because he though that the Commies were going to use it to transmit a code signal to the GoldenEye satellite to make it broadcast "Baby Geniuses" 24 hours a day. > "Kleopatra could be the remnant of an incredibly violent collision > between two asteroids that did not completely shatter and disperse > all the fragments." > > The astronomers used the telescope to bounce radar signals > off Kleopatra. With sophisticated computer-analysis techniques, > they decoded the echoes, transformed them into images, and > assembled a computer model of the asteroid's shape. The Arecibo > telescope underwent major upgrades in the 1990s, which > dramatically improved its sensitivity and made it feasible to > image more distant objects. Shortly before it got blow'd up. Also don't forget the time it magically became sparkling clean and shiny because Jodie Foster walked in front of it while parts of her hair disappeared. (Fun facts: Clarke's novel "2010" opened at Arecibo but they filmed the movie at the Very Large Array because Arecibo was too dirty, so when Jodie Foster walked past it in "Contact" they painted out the real one and inserted a prettier made-up postcard of a brand-new replacement Arecibo. Matt McIrvin will now explain where the water went when James Bond pulled the bathtub plug at the bottom of it in "GoldenEye". And he'll tell us how a wire mesh dish can be watertight.) > These new radar images were obtained when Kleopatra was about > 106 million miles (171 million kilometers) from Earth. Travelling > at the speed of light, the transmitted signal took about 19 > minutes to make the round trip to Kleopatra and back. So it made a round trip from the Earth to Kleopatra and then it made another round trip from Kleopatra to Earth? > "Getting images of Kleopatra from Arecibo was like using a > Los Angeles telescope the size of the human eye's lens to image a > car in New York," Ostro said. "Also, if the Earth were a beach ball and the Sun were a mustard seed located in an asteroid the size of New Jersey made of a beach-ball-sized piece of neutron star matter, the size of that beach ball would be to an ameba as the size of the nucleus of an atom is to the distance between beach balls!!!" > Kleopatra is one of several dozen asteroids whose coloring > suggests they contain metal. Kleopatra's strong reflection of > radar signals indicates it is mostly metal, possibly a nickel-iron > alloy. These objects were once heated, melted and differentiated > into structures containing a core, mantle and crust, much as the > Earth was formed. Unlike Earth, those asteroids cooled and > solidified throughout, and many underwent massive collisions that > exposed their metallic cores. In some cases, those collisions > launched fragments that eventually collided with Earth, becoming > iron meteorites like the one that created Meteor Crater in > Arizona. > > "But we don't need to worry about Kleopatra -- it will never > hit Earth," Ostro said. "This is because our preductions show that before that can happen, the Earth will already have been destroyed by the asteroid Toutatis. By the way, don't bother making any appointments after September 29, 2004." > "The radar-based reconstruction of Kleopatra's shape shows > the object's two lobes connected by a handle, forming a shape that > resembles a distorted dumbbell, or dog bone," Two lobes resembling a distorted dumbbell... Must... resist... urge... to... mention... Wild E. "Cyote"... > said Dr. R. Scott Hudson of Washington State University, Pullman, WA. > "The shape may have been produced by the collision of two objects that > had previously been thoroughly fractured and ground into piles of > loosely consolidated rubble. Or, Kleopatra may once have been two > separate lobes in orbit around each other with empty space between them, as opposed to those asteroids which orbit around each other with delicious raspberry creme between them, > with subsequent impacts filling in the area between the lobes with debris." > > "The radar observations indicated the surface of Kleopatra is > porous and loosely consolidated, much like surface of the Moon, > although the composition is different," said Dr. Michael Nolan of > the Arecibo Observatory. "Kleopatra's interior arrangement of > solid metal fragments and loose metallic rubble, and the geometry > of fractures within any solid components, are unknown. What is > clear is that this object's collision history is extremely unusual." It ran over James Dean _and_ Jayne Mansfield's head! -- K. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go build a Gravity Shelter because there are only three hours until the infamous "5/5/2000" alignment of AT LEAST THREE PLANETS IN ONE PLANE! As depicted by the movie "The Jupiter Menace," in which "scientists" playing with a Grass Valley Video Switcher (wipe! wipe! dissolve! wipe!) prove that it will cause computer graphics to look like bad pencil tracings of the Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse (1940). ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: slime Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:10:24 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com > In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, > Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > > > slime from group that uses a name associated with James Kibo have slimed to > > this group. They are friends of James Kibo. > > > > They have slimed from their sewer. Slavek Krepelka (slavek.krepelka@sympatico.ca) wrote: > > Where the hell is James when we need him. Kibo, wherever you are and > whoever you are, please HELP! Get this nitwit outa here. > Please, please, please! I will send you a twenty. Why would I want him to go away? Then I'd have to make fun of _someone else_. (Suddenly, thousands of people turn on old-time cathedral radios and hear organ music and a spooky voice say, "REMEMBER... YOUUUU ARRRRE SOMMMEONNNE ELLLLSSSSE!") -- K. Besides, Kibo cares not for twenties. I could use a bigger house, though. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Attn. Wild-E-Cyote A reply to end all replies... Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:17:07 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In alt.sci.physics.new-theories [where else?], Wild-E-CyotePHD@webtv.net wrote: > > 19... My bet was 17 . > At 19 I didnot except god ether. I didnt understand gravity like I do > now. I thought space was empty and the shit I learnd in school fact. > Later as an industral scientist I found flaws in the slaw. EQUIVALENCE OF TARTAR SAUCE AND MAYONNAISE!!! CABBAGE MUST BE SHREDDED TO BECOME A BORN-AGAIN SIDE DISH!!! FOR RECIPE FOR ESSENE MANNA MADE FROM COLE SLAW PUT $1 IN A SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE AND MAIL IT TO YOURSELF!!! GRATE, GRATE, DILUTE, DILUTE!!! > When using interchangeble parts for sex? > I found no mater how advanced the worldgets they have just begun. > I do admire any 19 year old whose intelect is growing. Expeariance > that wth intelect we can > visulise nature and at first look it looks like smoke rises. But its > pushed up. You would not think water could boil at 65 deg. > Try exspaining the universe befor the big bang anyway. > Exsperiance removed cant from many minds. > Exsperiance can devide what may from what will. How exasperiating. > Exsperiments are like my ridle. Or a game of chess. EQUIVALENCE OF GRIDDLE AND CHESS!!! I HAVE SLAWED THE GAME OF CHESS WHICH WE WILL NEED IN THE FUTURE WHEN WE DO BATTLE WITH OUTER SPACE KIM CHEE!!! > If you are not understanding to the point of visual seeing the mecanics > of atraction see where else they fit. I will demond srait pull and > atract dose not exsist by pluging them in other conditions and serching > for simulairities. ..."demond srait"? ..."atract dose"? BRING ME THE ELVISH DICTIONARY!!! > I have posted it up wit you and smart. > WILD stands by the fire ready to ster the coals > of smoltering heads inspired by irationalisem. My smeltering head is powered by the Bessemer Process! -- K. I wonder who invented the Bessemer Process. Do you think he liked cole slaw? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics,rec.arts.sf.written From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Why aren't I richer? Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:37:47 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology In alt.religion.kibology, sci.space.tech, sci.physics, alt.religion.louis-nick, and rec.arts.sf.written, Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > [...] > > I think that all science fiction should be factual to within 6 percent. > > THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW! And then, after Kibo (Emperor Of All Science Both Real And Imaginary) passed the law, "Star Trek" episodes were 94% scientifically accurate and 6% "Star Trek". Here's an actual episode: PICARD So you see, sodium ions and chlorine ions are arranged in a lattice formation in a salt crystal. Let's look for a screw dislocation. WESLEY Wow, look over there! The cavity resonance of that microwave oven is causing cold spots in that TV dinner where there is an antinode! PICARD Yes, but you must understand, the high concentration of iridium in this sediment from the Yucat‡n peninsula suggests that a meteor impact occurred shortly before these dinosaurs were fossilized. WESLEY And the sum of the angles of every triangle I draw on this sphere is greater than 180 degrees! PICARD Of course, not to mention the fact that spirogyra cells come in two sexes named "plus" and "minus". Volvox, on the other hand, are born pregnant, and are colony creatures which -- GEORDI Captain! The lateral phase transducer primary flow phase flux compensatrix phase decoupler tetrion resonance impeller phase masticator phase woxwox phase doidy has caused all the bacteria on the ship to turn into people, and vice versa, and we all have magical powers that come out of our ears in zigzag beams, unless I can rig a makeshift standby phase googolplex phase quark phase gazpacho phase torque phase MontrŽal-style phase liverwort phase Potsie phase vapor-lock phase salad emitter! PICARD Now let's learn about how a cactus works. (DRAMATIC MUSIC STING) -- TO BE CONTINUED -- -- K. I'd watch that show. P.S. Louis, congratulations on getting your post approved by the moderators of sci.space.tech. You have just become an official member of the scientific community! We must now celebrate by performing the Sacred Initiation Ritual Of Science. Place your left hand on this Van de Graaf generator and dip your right hand in warm water... ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hey! What Happened to Archie Plutonium?! Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 06:53:02 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Simon de Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > Joe Manfre (manfre@flash.net) wrote: > > > > p.s. And then Kurt Stocklmeir will show up and call everybody > > "slime" and sic the Wrath of God on them, and another perfectly > > good newsgroup will be ruined. > > I'm still waiting for this to happen to sci.agriculture.beekeeping. > > Why are there so few bee kooks? It's the bestest group ever! About a year ago, I wrote an attempt as a faux bee-kook post (it was about me wondering why the neighbors were mad at me for raising killer bees even though killer bees make better honey than regular bumblebees) but I forgot to post it, and I still have it around, but it's in Brookline and I'm in Boston right now so you'll just have to imagine it until I can retrieve it at a future date. Also, it was prompted by riffling through a lot of sci.agriculture.beekeeping articles looking for funny quotes, and I have a "silly things about bees taken out of context" file there too, so you can also imagine that there are some funny-sounding statements about bees somewhere for now. -- K. And then Wild E. Cyote will call my bee post "a bumbass pee ghost". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Panty Raider! Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 07:35:50 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Brian Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > I picked this up from a fellow kibologist, but I'd seen that no one's > posted about it yet. > > NEW YORK (Reuters) - Parents and critics are pressing a unit of > prestigious publisher Simon & Schuster to reconsider releasing an > Internet game "Panty Raider," in which participants find models to > strip them down to their underwear to satisfy space aliens > threatening to destroy Earth. How is this supposed to be better than "Panty Cat"? If only Panty Cat would fight Anpanman, Japan would rule the world through pop culture. Anpanman is a Japanese cartoon hero who is like Christ except instead of multiplying the loaves and fishes, he lets people eat parts of his head, which is a tasty bun. At the Super 88 Super Market last week I saw some crackers with Anpanman on the package -- one of many Anpanman food items I've encountered -- but these were more disturbing because they were flat white things made from fluffy unflavored starch. You know, communion wafers. So, I get the feeling that instead of the communion wafer being transubstantiated into the body of Jesus in my stomach, I'm supposed to eat a piece of Anpanman's head which will than transubstantiate into something _else_ in my stomach. And that "something else"... is... PANTY CAT! Panty Cat is a character in a Japanese-language freeware game program for the Mac. It's a very basic puzzle game (many versions of which are available for various kinds of computers) but this one lets you load in different sets of characters to replace the boring plain red, yellow, blue, and green balls you have to match. If you thus use the "Panty Cat" graphics set, the colored balls are replaced by panties and bras and slips and so on. And whenever you click on a panty, a yellow cat wears the panty on his head. The point of the game is to make the cat sniff all the underwear. I love this game. And I admire the creativity of the person who first said "I can't decide whether to draw panties or cats... heck, I like 'em both! I'm gonna invent Panty Cat!" -- K. I understand Japanese culture completely, if you define "completely" to mean "not at all". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hilarious Penguin Jokes! Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 07:45:46 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com "Simon Clark 2000" (clarksj@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Here are the--and I use the word loosely here--jokes I found on the > wrappers of some Penguin milk chocolate biscuits. > > [...] > > -> Q. What do you give a sick penguin? > -> A. Tweetment. > > That's funny because penguins go tweet! > > [etc.] I volunteer to write some new non-funny joke-like-substitutes to fill up the dead space between the barcode and the 3pt Helvetica Extra Light ingredients list: Q. What do you call a dirty penguin's home? A. A pigpenguin! Q. What kind of penguin keeps breaking the tip of his beak? A. A pencilguin! Q. What kind of bellybuttons do penguins have? A. Penguinnies and penguouties! Q. How do penguins fly? A. Very carefully! Q. What's the difference between a penis and a penguin? A. The last half of each word! After each of those there is a picture of a fat guy with only three hairs on his spherical head, he's rolling on the ground and there are tears flying out of every part of his head because he's laughing, and you can tell he's laughing because his hands are on his chest because he's tickling his ribs. Also he's wearing a vest and spats and is not gay. -- K. Q. Why did the little moron make fun of the penguin? A. Because he was stupid!