Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290234 sci.physics:475603 Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: DOPPELGANGERS Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 02:32:28 GMT References: <391D837C.365F0F15@mediaone.net> <20000513184514.01764.00002123@ng-fl1.aol.com> <391E2ED0.6B811F8F@mediaone.net> <391EAFC5.ABF4DCC3@mediaone.net> <391ec4dd.47514471@news.uml.edu> <391F4C81.DA76666B@mediaone.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0c011.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 25 [about George Hammond's theory that Elvis impersonators are genetically identical to Elvis because your genes determine your hairstyle and jumpsuit] George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > it seems pretty obvious to me that that is TRUE idjut. For example, > I don't need to look any further than the face of the President of > a foreign country to tell just about everything of interest about > the country.. it's political system, standard of living, class > structure, racial makeup, psychological structure, median life > span, alcoholism rate, crime rate, educational norms, sexual > taboos, or practically anything else of interest. Oh really? What can you tell me about England by looking at their President? (Also be sure to back up your theory by proving that you know nothing about England other than what you gleaned from the President's face.) -- K. We'll know whether he's looking at the Prime Minister or Queen Elizabeth by whether he says that everyone in England is male, or everyone in England is female and old. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290604 alt.sci.physics.new-theories:118889 sci.physics:476034 Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: DOPPELGANGERS Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 04:43:11 GMT References: <391D837C.365F0F15@mediaone.net> <391EB27A.ABF323E2@mediaone.net> <391F4A88.B8D865BE@mediaone.net> <39208FC3.252A0A0E@mediaone.net> <3920DA4D.B56C4D26@mediaone.net> <39219158.436D28C0@mediaone.net> <3921E1 Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium,alt.sci.physics.cubey Lines: 45 In alt.religion.kibology and other places, George Hammond (ghammond@mediaone.net) wrote: > > NOTE: Apparently whatever I did by hitting both mouse buttons has > permanently erased the DOPPLEGANGER thread from my Netscape newsreader > and I can't figure out how to retreive it.... so I only see the posts > to DOPPLEGANGER on alt.sci.physics.new-theories. So if I don't reply > to some serious inquiry on sci.physics... that's why. Maybe you should get an iMac. They only have one mouse button. That way you'd never accidentally destroy a large part of the Internet by pressing the right mouse button again. That right mouse button is DANGEROUS! They should have it show you a menu telling you what it does, or something! > [...blather...] > > I've heard this argument before, but again, consider the Elvis Presley > look alike contest that I saw on t.v. the contestants had to appear before > a large audiance of (sexually active) young people. Wouldn't it be distracting to have to judge an Elvis look-alike contest in the middle of the gigantic orgy? > [...] > > once again, I think biologically, if it walks like a duck, talks like > a duck... it IS a duck. Uh... George... ducks... don't... talk. At least not to the rest of us. > [...] > > I could be wron too.. but I DON'T THINK SO. Two minor typos there: You left out a "g", and you included "SO". -- K. What if Elvis talked like a duck? THEN where would your theory be, huh? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290239 alt.sci.physics.new-theories:118663 Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: ufo people are may be animals Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 02:50:09 GMT References: <01bfbde0$b18e9a20$1a294f0c@oemcomputer> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0c011.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 18 In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > It could be true some ufo people are not people. They could be animals > that do not have a soul. > > The lizards are mean. Girls and boys who live on the earth are in big > trouble. Dear Kurt Stockmeir, Thank you for writing that wonderful movie, "Battlefield Earth." You deserve a hug. -- K. From a brontosaurus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290251 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: SPQR Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 04:00:09 GMT References: <391d6045.42919546@news.sprint.ca> <391d6f56@news.vo.lu> <391d91ba.75052797@news.flash.net> <8fmn22$noi$1@news.rz.uni-karlsruhe.de> <391f40f5$1@news.vo.lu> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0c011.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.3 Lines: 279 Ladies and gentlemen! Behold as the topic drifts from a dead language to the destruction of the Moon and back on a wild trip from 2000 to Ancient Rome to 1998 through the magical power of time travel via archival! You could learn a lot from reading stuff like this!* Bite into my liberry! Darla (darla4695@hfx.eastlink.ca) wrote: > > > > > > > > > > Can anyone here provide the correct Latin for > > > > > "The Senate and the People of Rome" (SPQR) ? Andrew Pearson (apearson@pt.lu) wrote: > > > > > > > > Senatus Populusque Romanus, if I recall correctly. Joe Manfre (manfre@flash.net) wrote: > > > > > > I'm pretty sure that's right, too, since Romanus is > > > an adjective and would have to be in the same case > > > as the nouns (Senatus and Populus) in the phrase. > > > It's not a full sentence, so there's no reason to > > > put it in any case other than nominative. Joern Rehse (ukqi@rz.uni-karlsruhe.de) wrote: > > > > Actually I think it's "Senatus Populusque Romanorum" > > given that the translation is "The senate and the > > people of Rome." That's not a full sentence in English > > either and it also has different cases than nominative. > > > > A twenty second web search produces pages with both > > versions. Great. Andrew Pearson (apearson@pt.lu) wrote: > > That's the problem with this interwebnet thingy. It's got (at least as > many) wrong facts on it as true ones. //////////// A REPOST OF EVERY POSSIBLE INTERNET ARTICLE FOLLOWS From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: VISIT AND BOOKMARK THIS PAGE Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1998 23:59:53 GMT i-cha@usa.net spammed: > > VISIT AND BOOKMARK THIS PAGE > > UNLIMITED INFORMATION > WE UPDATE EVRY TIME > > http://206.184.139.135/~lilac2/unlimited.html Wow, "Universal Hovercraft", "Parks In Italy", and your server gave me a cookie to give to "www.pornfinder.com". This is a new meaning of the word "unlimited" with which I'm not familiar. "I'm sorry, sir, you bought UNLIMITED refills for your Pepsi. This means you're only allowed to drink half a cup of flat Mountain Dew and take a bite of a cookie made from porn." Besides, if the page really did have UNLIMITED information, then why would you need to "UPDATE EVERY TIME"? It would ALREADY have all the information that could ever exist! Just like Kurd Lasswitz's Universal Library! It would contain all possible text strings from " " up to "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" and thus would contain all possible ideas, thoughts, and mistakes. It would contain its own index. As well as every possible incorrect index. In every possible order. It would contain versions of Manly Bannister's "Conquest Of Earth" with every possible typo, including ones that made the book better. And it would contain versions of same with every possible TWO typos up through ones which contained so many typos that the book turned into "Hamlet". And it would contain every possible perversion of "Hamlet", including ones ten times longer and more overrated. It would even contain every possible Internet spam, including your own article! NOW how much would YOU pay? -- K. Also, it would contain every possible crappy Web page, including those that required the ability to view frames even though the whole page was just one frame, like your stupid BROWN page which keeps trying to redirect my browser to lots of porn sites while setting the status line at the bottom to "Document: Done" to hide it. //////////// ANOTHER REPOST From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: VISIT AND BOOKMARK THIS PAGE Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 08:43:09 GMT David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Besides, if the page really did have UNLIMITED information, then why would > > you need to "UPDATE EVERY TIME"? It would ALREADY have all the information > > that could ever exist! Just like Kurd Lasswitz's Universal Library! > > It would contain all possible text strings from " " > > up to "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" and thus would contain all possible ideas, > > thoughts, and mistakes. > > I take your Universal Library and prepend a tag. > > I WIN! No, because the Universal Library already called "NO PREPENDS!" and "NO GIVEBACKS!" and "DAVID PACHECO HAS DOUBLE COOTIES PLUS PLUS!" as well as every other possible kind of cooties on every possible person. Even Spot, despite him not being a person. Poor Spot! He got PEOPLE COOTIES but he's STILL JUST A DOG! Also, in every document in the Universal Library, Spot dies on the last page. I mean while reading it. -- K. By the way, which of you people gave Don Saklad my phone number? //////////// ANOTHER REPOST From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Cooties (was: VISIT AND BOOKMARK THIS PAGE) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Fri, 1 Jan 1999 12:35:05 GMT The Avocado Avenger (stacia@io.com) wrote: > Is it just me, or have I been following up to a lot of Stacia's posts lately? I think this is a sign that Stacia needs to hire a professional to finish her posts so that I don't have to. > David Pacheco (david_pacheco@lineone.net) writes: > > > > You're just jealous because I'm making the first official post in ARK > > written in 1999, the year we all die. > > You mock me, but I'm seriously weirded out by this. I'm just weirded out by the fact that if the world DOES end this year, GERRY ANDERSON will have been proven to be a visionary genius smarter than even Nostradamus! > I know, I'm basing my assumption on a calendar that has no correlation > with nature, but instead correlates to the birth of one single guy who > may or may not have existed. No, Jesus was born in 4 B.C., because there was no year 0, except in large type in the middle of the time-line in the 1995 edition of Microsoft Encarta, and because God created the Universe four years early in 4004 B.C. and Jesus's immaculate conception was the result of a computer error caused by the Y0K Bug which caused civilization to collapse because they had to spend four years (starting at 4 B.C.) converting all the coin-stamping machines to print "A.D." instead of "B.C." on the coins they were making. Also as a kid I read that "A.D." stood for "After Damocles" in some really stupid One-Volume Encyclopedia For Kids Who Don't Want To Accidentally Learn Something In A Real Encyclopedia. > But! I'm still concerned. If you can stay concerned continuously throughout the year, and are still this concerned in September, you could be the real-life model for Barbara Bain's role. You should practice saying with the utmost concern for all living things, "John, reversed polarity is the first stage towards anti-matter." -- K. I've said it before, I'll say it again, 1999 SMELLS WEIRD. Also, I'm not having a happy dot-com yet! Make the era of being inside a happy dot-com start or people will get tired of hearing "HAVE A HAPPY DOT-COM!" //////////// ANOTHER REPOST From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Cooties (was: VISIT AND BOOKMARK THIS PAGE) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Fri, 1 Jan 1999 02:25:46 GMT Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > No, because the Universal Library already called "NO PREPENDS!" > > and "NO GIVEBACKS!" and "DAVID PACHECO HAS DOUBLE COOTIES PLUS PLUS!" > > as well as every other possible kind of cooties on every possible person. > > From today's paper: > ====Begin Copyright Violation==== > By James Cummings - Cox News Service > Dayton, Ohio - It's hard to believe, but we've had Cooties for 50 years. "Waah!" cried Spot. He had had Cooties since before he was born! > Not the kind you get from kissing girls. I'm talking about the plastic > ones that come disassembled in a cardboard box. PLASTIC? Real Cooties are WOOD! > Hasbro, manufacturer of Cooties, is celebrating the golden anniversary of > the venerable children's game this year by doing a complete makeover on > the bugs that are central to the game. For only the tenth time this century, yawn. > .. > According to Hasbro, a Minneapolis mailman carved the first Cooties from > wood in 1948. He was trying to design a fishing lure, but Cooties > attracted more kids than carp. I think they misspelled "crappies". Also, why would a fishing lure be five inches long and have a detachable curly proboscis and six falling-off little legs which require the fix to roll "6" 6 times in a row on all of 666 dice to be able to quit the game? > .. > Hasbro estimates about 50 million Cootie games have been purchased in the > 50 year history of the toy. > ====Here Endeth Copyright Violation==== They forgot to mention the Interactive Cootie CD-ROM, about which I will only remark that it is obviously LESS stupid than the hand-held electronic Mr. Potato Head. -- K. It coots down stairs alone or in pairs and makes a cootily sound //////////// WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE PRESENT ERA JUST IN TIME TO CATCH //////////// THE LAST REMAINING UNATTACHED ASTERISK IN ITS NATIVE HABITAT * from stuff _like_ this, but not from _this_. -- K. 404 A.D. IS NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE iNPuT CoNTRaRY To eSTaBLiSHeD FaCTS THERE IS NO SANCTUARY SPQR LMNOP ASDFGHJKL __END PROG__ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290252 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Another BREAKTHROUGH! Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 04:08:20 GMT References: <8fno2t$pl9$1@hiram.io.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0c011.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 24 Nick Bensema (nickb@io.com) wrote: > > Women do not want to sleep with a guy that she thinks will wait until > she's asleep and then put her hand in warm water. > > I wish I had this in mind when on my last date. What, you wanted to sleep with a guy who thought you would put his hand in warm water? I'm sorry, the guy who played Frank Burns died last month, Captain Hunnicutt. But now I understand why you always wore that pink shirt during the final four hundred episodes of "M*A*S*H". And why they called you "B.J.". (I AM ONLY TEASING NICK ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS SECURE IN HIS KNOWLEDGE OF HIS OWN SEXUALITY, AND BECAUSE I NEVER FOUND OUT IF HE EVER GOT THAT INFLATABLE CHAIR.) -- K. This article isn't really worth posting, but maybe if I add this sentence it will be. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290382 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Another BREAKTHROUGH! Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 16 May 2000 01:29:20 GMT References: <8fno2t$pl9$1@hiram.io.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 48 Matthew J McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > Nick Bensema (nickb@io.com) wrote: > > > > Women do not want to sleep with a guy that she thinks will wait until > > she's asleep and then put her hand in warm water. > > That is because the warm water is reminiscent of the blood of animals > mashed between his teeth. If a man wants to be sexy he should not mash the > blood of animals between his teeth in order to put her hand in warm water. > > I think there might be a curse on that warm water. I guess sometimes > warm water has a curse on it. > > God made all the washing machines in my building be in use. > > > ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ > | | | | | > > PARODY - PARODY - NOT REALLY INSANE - PARODY - PARODY > > DILUTE - OK ^ | Waah! The space after that sentence was a parody, and I didn't realize it! I liked your "Indent-O-Meter"(tm) (which would allow you to detect indentation with your own eyes) and "Font-O-Meter"(tm) (which could detect Zapf Dingbats in quantities as small as one word) but your new "I-Am-Not-A-Crackpot-O-Meter"(tm) leaves something to be desired. -- K. And what I desire is Cherry Pez! Make it give me some or I'll refuse to allow the I-Am-Not-A-Crackpot-O-Meter to measure any of my sentences. ^ | LQQK! NO SMILEY AT THE END OF THAT SENTENCE ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290294 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Recipe quiz! Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 07:38:28 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b165.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 47 Here's an excitingly zesty recipe I found for those days when you say, "Gee, whatever should I do with all these Creamettes and this deer I ran over?" -> 2 green peppers -> 2 red peppers -> 1 large sweet onion -> 1 large white onion -> 1 bunch scallions -> 1 large bowl fresh mushrooms -> 1 whole clove garlic -> 1 lb ground venison -> 1 side deer backstrap -> cayenne pepper -> Mrs. Dash seasoning -> wine vinegar -> 1/2 lb. butter -> 1/4 c. olive oil -> 1 large box pasta noodles (Creamettes or sea shells) -> -> In a skillet, brown the ground meat. Dice all of the vegetables; add 1/2 -> to the browned meat. Boil the pasta and drain. Singe the backstrap in -> bite-size pieces in hot olive oil and wine vinegar. Squash and add the -> garlic to the browned meat and vegetables, stirring vigorously. Throw the -> whole load into a large pot on low heat including the remaining raw -> vegetables, still stirring. Add small amounts of water for desired -> consistency. Keep on lowest heat all day, refrigerate overnight, and -> reheat for days to come. It's the best when 2-3 days old. Serve on bread, -> mashed potatoes, rice or serve by itself. -> (Serves 5) The name of this recipe is: a) "Spee-De-Bozo" b) "Ted Nugent's Bubble Bean Piranha" c) "Porkus Forkus Sporkus Mushroom Fiesta" d) "Free Kevin Stew" e) "Deer In A Large Bowl Of Fun" f) "The Colonel's Secret Recipe" You have thirty seconds. Choose wisely. -- K. Hint: One of the incorrect answers was J. Edgar Hoover's dog. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291645 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Recipe quiz! Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 05:39:28 GMT References: <8fp5pu$e6c$1@unlnews.unl.edu> <8g3te9$lfq$1@unlnews.unl.edu> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b150.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.3 Lines: 30 Daniel Buettner (buettner@cse.unl.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry wrote: > > > > -> 1 lb ground venison > > > > [...] > > > > The name of this recipe is: > > b) "Ted Nugent's Bubble Bean Piranha" > > So did I pass the quiz, or what? Yes. You have demonstrated that you understand Ted Nugent's mindset better than these other people, who have probably never even CONSIDERED shooting all the Kennedys in the world with a crossbow! > And how come no one else cares about venison, the dry red meat? Hey, I had an ostrich-meat snack from the 7-Eleven last week. It was red and REALLY dry. I like venison better. -- K. The ostrich sticks were right behind the Pop Nots and microwave pork rinds, in the section where they keep the food from Planet Twelve. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290296 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.religion.louis-nick Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Meet Oren for the first time, again... was:Re: Hammer. Thumb. Repeat. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 07:52:44 GMT References: <8dtguv$spv@epic3.Stanford.EDU> <8F1F57840browse0tron@207.211.168.82> <8F1FB14F4browse0tron@207.211.168.82> <8fo8lk$cg0$1@q.seanet.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b165.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 48 Louis Nick III (sunburn@seanet.com) wrote: > > Peter Willard (petew@drizzle.com) wrote: > > > > [...] > > > > You are Hans Moravec, sent from the future to pave the way for post-human, > > trans-galactic supertasks. OK, fine, be that way, but...have you ever read > > I just want to point out that if you reverse the letters of Hans' obviously > fabricated last name, you get the modern name for cave-painting-as-text: > CAVEROM. > > Mostly I say that because I don't recognize the reference. > > MAAAAAAAAATT!!! Allow me to play with the reference before Matt attempts to explain this particular Silly Putty-like glob of pop culture: In the future, Hans Moravec will convert people into giant grids of ASCII art through his electro-mechanical fractal octopus that scans your brain simply by dissecting it. Then the discarded husk of your useless body shall be whisked away by a rapidly-rotating skyhook tethered to (L-5)-5, a space station orbiting a Lagrange point which orbits the L-5 station. And then Stewart Brand and Howard Rheingold would let you sit at what "The Whole Earth Review" thinks is The Cool Table. But nobody would notice because they'd thumb right past that page of the magazine to see the picture of the naked lady covered with grass and read the reviews of the latest Macintosh software. Now it's ready for you to explain it, Matt. -- K. I don't know why "The Whole Earth Review" changed their name first to "Mondo 2000" and then "Wired". Also, in this article, I forgot to mention the following: Marvin Minsky Etienne Decroux Annie Sprinkle virtual liverwort ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290379 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Meet Oren for the first time, again... was:Re: Hammer. Thumb. Repeat. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 16 May 2000 01:15:46 GMT References: <8dtguv$spv@epic3.Stanford.EDU> <8F1F57840browse0tron@207.211.168.82> <8F1FB14F4browse0tron@207.211.168.82> <8fo8lk$cg0$1@q.seanet.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 30 Matthew J McIrvin McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > In the future, Hans Moravec will convert people into giant grids of > > ASCII art through his electro-mechanical fractal octopus that scans > > your brain simply by dissecting it. Then the discarded husk of your > > useless body shall be whisked away by a rapidly-rotating skyhook > > tethered to (L-5)-5, a space station orbiting a Lagrange point which > > orbits the L-5 station. And then Stewart Brand and Howard Rheingold > > would let you sit at what "The Whole Earth Review" thinks is The Cool Table. > > But nobody would notice because they'd thumb right past that page of > > the magazine to see the picture of the naked lady covered with grass > > and read the reviews of the latest Macintosh software. > > > > Now it's ready for you to explain it, Matt. > > Sorry, I'd rather talk about the cover of "Popular Mechanics." > > SPACE TOURISM IN YOUR IMMEDIATE FUTURE! > IN THIS ROCKET THE SIZE OF MONTANA! Oh, as if you were Richard Garriott or something. I bet you can't even tell Ultima II from any other brand of perfume! -- K. And I bet you don't even have a SkyLab Fastener Busy Box with Owen Garriott's fingerprints! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290331 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Pathetic Font Question Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 21:06:40 GMT References: <8F349782Dbrowse0tron@207.211.168.82> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 23 Peter Willard (petew@drizzle.com) wrote: > > Does Garamond really want to use commas instead of apostrophes or has > something gone terribly, terribly wrong? An early version of ITC Garamond sold by Adobe (the Adobe font which identifies itself as "Garamond", not Adobe s "Adobe Garamond" which is wholly different) had severe apostrophe problems -- they would disappear when printed or do other wacky things. I ve seen such things happen with that particular Garamond, they re annoying. You might want to contact Adobe to see if you can get a newer version of the font, don t use the defective one if it s possible to avoid it. Or switch to the Bitstream or ITC-vended versions of ITC Garamond. (The Bitstream one has better spacing than Adobe s, I haven t worked with ITC s own implementation.) -- K. Welcome to Laser Designs. How may we screw up your typesetting today? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290381 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: My first trip to The Land Of Lutefisk. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 16 May 2000 01:24:12 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 63 Yngvar Folling (yngvar.folling@hl.telia.no) wrote: > > Greetings from The *Real* Land Of Lutefisk. > > Eck. Stomach made threatening noises at the sound of that word. > Forgive me while I hang over the toilet bowl for a minute. > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > I just got back from the great state of Minnesota, with only a few mosquito > > bites and no other major damage (Minnesota didn't make the feet bleed > > the way Las Vegas did.) > > I just got back from the toilet, with only a few gulping noises and no > other excreta (the word Lutefisk didn't make the stomach churn the way > Raspeballer did.) > > Urp. Forgive me one more moment. "Raspeballer"? Is that some weird collision between the words "raspberry" and "baller"? As in "people having sex with raspberries"? If so, I don't want to know about it, but I want you to tell everyone else on the Internet all about it. > > I didn't have any run-ins with hat-throwing pants-wearing women. > > > > Things I went to see: > > > > [...] > > I'm back. Did I miss anything important of your narrative? Of COURSE not. This is alt.religion.kibology, not alt.sci.physics.important! > > * Lutefisk. > > Excuse me. > > > Lefse was plentiful but I didn't eat any because > > I didn't have any lutefisk to ruin it with. > > LEFSE *WITH* LUTEFISK???? Are you totally flipping out of your poor > little mind?! All I know is that they're both Norwegian so I assume that all Norwegian food is mixed together at all times, because your country is so narrow. (And in Chile, everyone has to drink everything through a bendy straw.) > Frankly, do the Minnesotans really do that hideous unmentionable > combination? I can only think that they have some strange Norway > fetish, unmatched by any *real* Norwegians. Lefse is Norwegian, > L***fisk is Norwegian, therefore the most Norwegian of all must be... > > Do you realize what it feels like to need to vomit on an empty stomach? No, but I assume it TASTES better than lutefisk. -- K. What's wrong with lefse? Isn't it just potato bread? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290383 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: By Definition Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 16 May 2000 01:33:15 GMT References: <8fpmnh$m5c$1@saltmine.radix.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 21 Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > -> BERN, Switzerland (AP) -- An American killed when he slammed into the > -> ground during a bungee jump had been tied to an elastic rope that was > -> too long, officials said Monday. > > This is as opposed to the people killed during bungee jumps when they slam > into the ground because the elastic rope is too short. Once a little girl went up to Abraham Lincoln and said, "You'd look better with a beard. How long should a man's beard be?" and he said "Long enough to reach the ground. Like this!" and he grew a beard and tied it to a bridge and jumped off and his feet gently touched the ground. But when he did that he gently crushed a colorful butterfly, and because this story takes place in the year One Hundred Million B.C., history never happened and Hitler became President of the South and HITLER WON THE CIVIL WAR!!! -- K. Also he had Lincoln's wart. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290602 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: By Definition Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 04:35:49 GMT References: <8fpmnh$m5c$1@saltmine.radix.net> <8frq84$c39$1@nnrp1.deja.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 43 "Schwa Love" (SCHWA242@hotmail.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Once a little girl went up to Abraham Lincoln and said, "You'd look > > better with a beard. How long should a man's beard be?" and he said > > "Long enough to reach the ground. Like this!" and he grew a beard and > > tied it to a bridge and jumped off and his feet gently touched the > > ground. But when he did that he gently crushed a colorful butterfly, > > and because this story takes place in the year One Hundred Million B.C., > > history never happened and Hitler became President of the South and > > HITLER WON THE CIVIL WAR!!! > > Yes, but if that butterfly was crushed, everything would be spelled all > different, which leads me to believe the following: > > Wild-E-Coyote is from a separate timeline where time-travelling > dinosaur hunters hadn't accidentally stepped on a precious butterfly > causing history to change, but they did in our timeline. Therefore, > what appears to be "creative spelling" on Wild-E-Coyote's part, is > actually correct in his special universe that is lost forever. > > However, I won't go as far to say that any of his wacky theories are > correct in that timeline either. I think that I want to live in a universe where all possible science theories are true except for Wild E's, and all possible spellings are correct except for Wild E's. Also, you spelled "Coyote" right, which is wrong. -- K. Every time I think of how Dr. "Cyote" is obviously having trouble spelling his last name, I wonder if he _meant_ to be "Wild E" to have a sort of clever pun-like difference between himself and a Chuck Jones cartoon character, or if he just can't spell "Wile E". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290419 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: More Game Show Network Madness! Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 16 May 2000 06:43:42 GMT References: <391f47f4.187255128@news.flash.net> <391F73CA.1FBC8454@ix.netcom.com> <39207f26.266933192@news.flash.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b161.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 25 Joe Manfre (manfre@flash.net) wrote: > > Luke Breinig (lbreinig@ix.netcom.com) wrote: > > > > The Game Show Network is pure evil. I'm seriously considering having it > > blocked from my DSS service. I never intend to watch it, but it always > > seems to appear on my TV and I can actually feel it lowering my IQ... > > This is the cross I must bear, for it is my destiny to monitor the > Game Show Network and notify a.r.k of important developments there. > That way, no one else here has to watch it. Waah! I _want_ to have to watch it! -- K. Let me know the next time Desi Jr. is on but only if it's not also an episode where Jerry Stiller kisses Greg Morris. ("Seinfeld" and and "Mission: Impossible" were ruined! Even more so than if Tom Cruise had been in both of them!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.fan.beable:2871 alt.religion.kibology:290608 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.beable,alt.religion.louis-nick Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Shaving. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 04:48:05 GMT References: <3904f5ba.140992994@news.m.iinet.net.au> <8e38mi$q00$1@penn.dii.utk.edu> <8fr09u$ia9$1@q.seanet.com> <8frp6u$v4p$1@hiram.io.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 17 Nick Bensema (nickb@io.com) wrote: > > Louis [Nick] mentioned the sugaring solution to women shaving their legs. I humbly submit that Matt McIrvin should, nay, MUST write "The Sugaring Solution" as a Sherlock Holmes pastiche, predicated upon the notion that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was really turned on by feet. And liked watching hairless feet pressing the gas pedal. IT ADDS AN EMOTIONAL EFFECT TO A SCENE! PLEASE FORGIVE THE ALL CAPS BUT IT DOES IT AUTOMATICALLY! Stay tuned to this station for Matt McIrvin's "The Sugaring Solution" by Sir Accelerator Conan Doyle. -- K. No fair working Andy Richter into it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290617 alt.sci.physics.new-theories:118893 Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: God and curses Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 04:58:20 GMT References: <01bfbf4f$f2d61060$e13c4f0c@oemcomputer> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 28 In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > Terrorists took over a ship. At least 1 person was killed. May be that > happened because there was a curse or may be that started a curse. > > The curse destroyed the ship. It is now under about 2 miles of water. DO-IT-YOURSELF KURT STOCKLMEIR CONSTRUCTION KIT (Some generic event) once happened. Some of the people there were (bad/killed/slime). This caused a curse on (me/people/God/my theories). I am (good/bad/slime) at (physics/curses). Maybe (God/I/slime) put a curse on (some generic class of object, event, or abstract concept). (Bad/good) people (do/do not) like my theories because they are (slime/slimes). I do not like to date girls who (mash/crush) the (bones/bodies/blood) of (animals/slime) between their (teeth/thighs). (Slime/People) are (bad/slime). PLUG IN RANDOM WORDS. THEN REPEAT WITH DIFFERENT WORDS ONCE A DAY. -- K. DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN OR THERE WILL BE A CURSE ON SOME PEOPLE SOMEWHERE FOR SOME REASON. THE CURSE WILL BE BAD BUT NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIC. POSSIBLY A FUNNY SMELL OR SOMETHING. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291011 alt.sci.physics.new-theories:119219 Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: God and curses Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 00:20:17 GMT References: <01bfc10e$86aab2e0$822b4f0c@oemcomputer> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 94 In alt.sci.physics.new-theories, Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > Matt I. slime back under your rock. > > I would like any theory of mine to be erased from the physics faq. I think > that is fair. Um. Where in the FAQ did you say your theories were? > I think a lot of people did not get together and give power to a small > number of people to create a physics faq. > > Let them create a page. Let them try to get famous. Let them jump off a > high place. I do not care a lot. But I do not want to be associated with > them. I do not want any of my theories on their page. > > Let them put their theories on their page. Let John Baez put his theories > on the physics faq. Let Matt I. put his theories on the physics faq. I > think a lot of people would like John Baez to add to the physics faq > theories about quantum gravity. It is fair if he uses his own theories. > JUST DO NOT USE MY THEORIES. > > I just do not want any of my theories on their page. If I want my theories > on the internet I will create a page for them. I promise I will never put any of your theories on my Web page because you have never ever told anyone what any of your theories are. All we know is that they're really cool and God has cursed them because he's jealous of you. > God has created a curse against these physics groups. Most of the people > associated with the physics faq are not nice. That is punishment to you > girls and boys. You asked for it. God uses bad people to punish people. > > I think it is good that most of the people associated with the physics faq > are bad. I am not trying to change that. But if they will not erase my > theory or theories girls and boys need to get together and create a new > physics faq. Please tell us what your theory or theories is or are so that we will know to avoid it if we see it or them, if it or they exist. > God is pure. God is fair. God will create justice. If they do not erase > my theory or theories and if girls and boys do not get together and create > a new physics faq God will punish girls and boys extra. Girls and boys > will get what they ask for. That is fair. Girls and boys will be guilty > if they do not do their small part to fight dishonest people. > > Around 1992 2 of 11 questions for the physics faq were my theories. So, your two theories are questions? Like these? Which I am writing now? HA! I JUST PUT *THREE* PHYSICS THEORIES ON A SINGLE LINE! I WIN! I guess that beats your theories? Whatever they are? Right? Well? > God will make things go bad for bad people. God will make things go bad > for people associated with bad people. God will make things go bad for > people who do not create justice. > > God will make things go extra bad for you girls and boys if my theory or > theories are not erased and you girls and boys do not create a new physics > faq. God will make it happen. Blame only you. It will be your fault. > > At the end people get what they are suppose to. > > I DO NOT WANT MY THEORIES ON A PAGE CREATED BY SLIME. > > THE SLIME CAN PUT THEIR OWN THEORIES ON THEIR OWN PAGE. > > IF I WANT TO GET FAMOUS I WILL CREATE MY OWN PAGE AND I WILL PUT MY OWN > THEORIES ON IT. So you're saying you've discovered the Web? Oh, joy! Someday maybe Kurt will actually put up a Web page! I can just envision the HTML: "I think that physics people are slime especially when I see John Baez because whenever I pass him in the hall he refuses to SMILE..." -- K. It would be great if there were two evil people named Emil so that Kurt could keep using the phrase "EMILS SLIME" because physics needs more palindromes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291561 alt.sci.physics.new-theories:119596 Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: God and curses Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 22 May 2000 21:30:25 GMT References: <01bfc34b$63d796e0$dc274f0c@oemcomputer> <3928C7C3.155E96EC@ix.netcom.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 129 Luke Breinig (lbreinig@ix.netcom.com) wrote: > Kurt Stocklmeir (kurtstocklmeir@worldnet.att.net) wrote: > > > > I am looking for sci.physics between 1988 and 1992. > > 1988 sci.physics 1992 > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Found it! ITZA WHATZIT! I can just see it now... Kurt is going to run into the Nobel Prize committee's office screaming "I HAVE PROVED MY THEORY IN THE FORM OF A WHATZIT! I DEMAND THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR WHATZITSTRY, AND ALSO A NOBEL PRIZE FOR ALMOST SOLVING THE JUNIOR JUMBLE!" Although, I think the Nobel Prize For Whatzitstry would probably go to some other scientist who drew the Whatzit, like Isaac Asimov. > > My normal method of protecting theories that God sent to me is to write a > > paper and get it notarized. > > The only problem with this is that it's a little hard to tell the > difference between one of Kurt's theories and a finger painting. Well, if it looks like a finger painting, it's probably a finger painting. On the other hand, if it looks like a finger painting drawn with someone's butt, then it's Kurt's theory. No idea whose butt, though. > > I guess that proves I created the theory > > Or that you had a notary stamp a finger painting. > > > letting God do all the work and people can not see it. Some times I throw > > a lot of theories together. That could cause me trouble. > > Like the time you combined your theory about religion with your theory > about plutonium and... Whoops wrong kook, sorry! It could be a theory about plutonium and slime, and thus be applicable to both of them. If we worked hard enough, we could come up with a theory which would be equally valid for all the mad scientists of the Internet, something about slimy cube-shaped plutonium that won't let people masturbate, and then Archie could accuse us of "searchenginecarpetbombing". > > I guess if I want to prove I created a theory I kind of need to let > > people see the whole paper may be. But may be they will be able to > > see a lot of theories that I do not want them to see. > > Dumb question #1: If you never let anyone else see your theories, > doesn't that make it a little hard to steal them. Dumb question #2: Could we please stop the Internet until Kurt actually mentions what his theory concerns? We don't even know if it's a new law of physics, or a new shape for the DNA molecule, or a new moon which we can't see because it's always directly behind the Earth, or a new sub-atomic particle that beeps, or a recipe for Mock Ritz Cracker pie. He's in that strange camp with several of the other mad scientists who have an incredibly vitally important theory that their theory is incredibly vitally important, but nobody else can ever FIND the theory! I CAN'T DISPROVE IT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST! THEREFORE HIS IMAGINARY THEORY MUST BE TRUE! WAAH! NOW I HAVE TO OBEY THE NEW REWRITTEN LAWS OF PHYSICS AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE! (I hope they don't say anything about gravity making you fall upwards into custard.) > > I can prove I created a theory but I can not let people see the proof > > most of the time because I want to cover up most of my theories. > > So... you can only prove your theories to yourself? > > Is it just me or does that last sentence contain a contradiction? Maybe he's just trying to prove that he's covering up the proof that he's covering up his incredibly massively awesomely importantly important theory, which he can't tell us what it is. > > It may be could help me if I can find sci.physics between 1988 and 1992. And which he didn't bother writing down anywhere except on the Internet and then forgot about for ten years. > > Of course God created a curse against any theory God sent to me except may > > be theories that help God. > > So... God sends you cursed theories? Have you ever thought that may be > God is cursed? Maybe if God sends Kurt evil theories, he should try getting some happy theories from Satan, since Kurt lives in The Backwards Universe. > > Forever there will be a curse against any > > person who talks about any of those theories or uses any of those theories. > > Okay, let me get this straight: > > 1) God gives you a theory > 2) You write it down and have it notarized > 3) Since the theory is cursed, you hide it > 4) Slimes steal your theories > 5) Slimes are cursed > 6) You forget what your theories were. > > Please help me out here... > > -Luke I think it's more like 1) God is slime. 2) God handed me a theory. 3) I dropped it on the floor and it broke. 4) God gave me a replacement theory. 5) I let go of the string and it went up and up and Daddy wouldn't get it down for me even though it was right overhead in the sky. 6) Maybe my theory is cursed even though I don't know what it is 7) Can anyone help me figure out what my theory is? 8) I think I said something to someone somewhere on the disposable part of the Internet ten years ago. -- K. Although that assumes he can count to eight. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.fan.mike-jittlov:14809 alt.religion.kibology:290628 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.mega-ego.yonderboy,alt.fan.mike-jittlov Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Lego My Ego Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 05:15:56 GMT References: <8f757o$s7p$1@unlnews.unl.edu> <8fdv7a$9dn@elaine2.Stanford.EDU> <8fik0m$kj0$1@nnrp1.deja.com> <8fss6p$jh5$1@nnrp1.deja.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 25 james dolan (jdolan@math.ucr.edu) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > [Arnold] Stang went on to star in "It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" > > (as either Ray or Irwin, I forget), "Top Cat" (as Benny The Ball), > > and "Hercules Goes Bananas" (as the guy who's less inarticulate than > > his co-star, some poorly-dubbed weightlifter named "Arnold Strong".) > > actually stang played top cat, imitating phil silvers's voice from > "sergeant bilko". maurice gosfield played benny the ball, imitating > the guy who played "private doberman" on the bilko show. Oh. Well, then, I don't like "Top Cat" any more. -- K. I used to think it was cutting-edge larf-a-minute animation! But then I timed it and discovered that there wasn't even any animation in most minutes. Also everyone had those huge angular butts like Yogi Bear and George Jetson. I get a headache from looking at pointy hinders. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290633 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: House Mulls Tougher Sleepwear Rules Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 05:40:16 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 46 The Associated Press wrote: > > WASHINGTON (AP) -- Since a federal agency lowered fire safety > standards for children's pajamas, one of the nation's top burn > hospitals for children has seen the number of sleepwear-related > serious burns more than double in three years, officials told a > congressional committee Tuesday. > Lawmakers are now weighing whether to repeal the changes. > [...] > The Consumer Product Safety Commission voted 2-1 in 1996 to > permit the use of flammable material, such as cotton, in some > children's sleepwear as long as the garments were snug-fitting and > thus difficult to ignite. Oh no! They allow CHILDREN to wear COTTON! That just won't do! Children must not wear any fabric used in normal grownup clothing! From now on, all children will wear nothing but ASBESTOS! Also, everything must be tight-fitting to the point of Total Wedgie. "Mommy, this asbestos wedgie hurts!" "Don't take it off, Junior, or you'll burst into flame. Now put on your scuba mask and get into your waterbed." -- K. I still want to know, assuming that Jimmy Olson ever founded a microchip- etching plant, when Superman visited, whether he would wear a baggy white Tyvek clean-room suit over his baby-blue Spandex bodystocking, or under it. Over would be more comfortable, but the Tyvek wouldn't be protected by his super leotard, so if he were attacked by something with claws it would shred the Tyvek and get Jimmy Olson's chips all dusty. Plus he wouldn't be able to fly unless his cape were on the outside. Thus, I think it is only sensible that Superman should wear baggy, wrinkly, crinkly, crumply Tyvek under his tight-fitting leave-nothing-to-the- imagination Spandex supertard. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290667 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Jinx and Max friends... forrrreverrrrr.... Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 07:25:34 GMT References: <391f3dcd.184656352@news.flash.net> <0b31isstu2npngpuff9ful11e944cdngps@4ax.com> <8fsdbt$kiu@elaine26.Stanford.EDU> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b086.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 24 Teg Pipes (teg@fruitfly.berkeley.edu) wrote: > > [...on intentionally defective laboratory mice...] > > There's a (naturally occuring) strain of mice (nude mice) that have > have no hair, no thymus (and thus are fascinating to immunologists) > and have connective-tissue disorders. This causes them > to prolapse their little rectums (rectae? Joe?). So their > rectums hang outta their butts. This causes them to dehydrate > really fast and die. That reminds me. On the channel "Nick At Nite's TV Land", they will occaionally screw up and show a commercial from the Nixon era, like the one where the guy from "Far Out Space Nuts" says "Hi, Guy!" Then, to cover up their mistake, they will try to tell me they meant to do that, and they'll say it was a "rectumercial". I don't understand this term. Wouldn't it be better to use a different term for their old commercials, such as something with "classic" or "retro"? -- K. Poor Spot! He had a prolapsed EVERYTHING! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290807 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Spam of the day, May 17, 2000 Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 22:59:13 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 53 This just came in to one of my administrative E-mail accounts: -> From: Natural Curves (admin@advanced4u.com) -> Subject: NEW! AFFILIATE PROGRAM - BIG BUCKS!!!! -> Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 18:15:02 -0400 (EDT) -> -> BRAND NEW (BREAST ENHANCEMENT) AFFILIATE PROGRAM -> -> All Natural Curves proudly announces the opening of our affiliate -> program. We have developed a breast enhancement cream that really works -> and best of all it will not take customers away from your site! I'm tired of all those women who stop using www.kibo.com because their breasts are too big! Where do I sign up to help my Web site make women's boobies bigger? -> Since going on-line about a month ago, we have seen tremendous success in -> our ordering department. ...just not in the shipping department. -> Your reward? A generous 25% commission on every sale of All Natural Curves -> that comes via your site. Yes, 25%. That's $42.49 for you on every sale of -> a $169.95 three-month supply. Look at how quickly this can turn into a -> meaningful income stream. "My income isn't meaningful enough! I'm going to invest in bogus breast cream!" HEY EVERYONE, STOP SEARCHING FOR THE MEANING OF LIFE, IT'S BOOBIES! -> You'll even earn the same amount whenever these re-order. And re-order -> they will because All Natural Curves has been achieving stunning results -> for women across the States and abroad. I'm also tired of those other breast creams that only work in the continental United States! (Next time you're on an airplane leaving the country, look to see whose breasts deflate.) -> COMMISSION SCALE: -> 1 sale = $42.49 -> 5 sales = $212.45 -> 10 sales = $424.90 -> 50 sales = $2,124.50 -> 100 sales = $4,249.00 That graceful curve hides an ugly linearity! -- K. Hmm, perfectly linear breasts... PAGING KURT STOCKLMEIR, PAGING KURT STOCKLMEIR... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290810 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: U.S. Considered A-Bomb on Moon Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 23:18:34 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 120 The news story about how the U.S. wanted to blow up the Moon well before 1999 (to show those darn Commies a thing or two about our power to blow up any other Moons the Earth might someday have) is still percolating its way up the news food chain, from British newspapers to American ones: The Associated Press wrote: > > Subject: U.S. Considered A-Bomb on Moon > > The United States considered detonating an atom bomb on the moon > during the late 1950s as a demonstration of the nation's Cold War > might, a Chicago physicist says. What butthead came up with that idea? > The secret project, innocuously titled ``A Study of Lunar > Research Flights,'' was never carried out. But its planning > included calculations by the astronomer Carl Sagan -- then a young butthead > graduate student -- of the behavior of the dust and gas generated by > the blast. Then he appended his notes on how the blast would be designed to crash one of the chunks of the Moon into Apple's corporate headquarters. > Viewing the nuclear flash from Earth might have intimidated the > Soviet Union and boosted Americans' confidence after the launch of > Sputnik, said physicist Leonard Reiffel, who directed the inquiry > at the former Armour Research Foundation, now part of the Illinois > Institute of Technology. Isn't the Armour Research Foundation devoted to finding new military uses for Potted Meat Food Product? > ``Now it seems ridiculous and unthinkable,'' said Reiffel, 72, commenting on "Space: 1999". > who later served as a deputy director at NASA during the Apollo > program. ``But things were remarkably tense back then.'' > Sagan went on to become a worldwide celebrity for popularizing > science on television. He died in 1996. And is still a butthead. > Reiffel described the plan in a letter to the scientific journal > Nature. > Nature published a review of two new Sagan biographies. The > author of one of the books suggested that Sagan breached security > in 1959 by revealing the classified project in an application for > an academic fellowship. Reiffel concurred that Sagan probably > released classified information. Ah! A treasonous butthead! That's more dangerous than a regular treasonous person! > The exchange in the scientific journal inadvertently shines a > spotlight on a period when science in the United States was greatly > influenced by Cold War politics. And by drugs. Don't forget the drugs. > The U.S. space program was sputtering while the Soviet Union had > launched Sputnik and a pair of lunar probes. > The Eisenhower administration considered the lunar blast as a > way to reassure Americans that the Soviet threat could be > countered, while demonstrating to the Kremlin that the United > States had an effective nuclear deterrent. But only against Russians living on the Moon. > Under the scenario, a missile carrying a small nuclear device > was to be launched from an undisclosed location I THINK IT WAS THE EARTH!!! > and travel 238,000 miles to the moon, where it would be detonated > upon impact. Which wouldn't happen unless the brainy rocket scientists ever figured out that you can't send a ballistic missile from the Earth to the Moon in a straight line and it would have to take a few hundred thousand extra miles because of gravity and inertia and all that stuff that rocket scientists routinely ignore in their calculations. > The planners decided it would have to be an atom bomb because a > hydrogen bomb would have been too heavy for the missile. ...because hydrogen is the heaviest known substance. > Reiffel said the nation's young space program probably could > have carried out the mission by 1959, when the Air Force deployed > intercontinental ballistic missiles. > Military officials apparently abandoned the idea because of the > danger to people on Earth in case of a failure. The scientists also > registered concerns about contaminating the moon with radioactive > material, Reiffel said. Yeah, it's a good thing that the astronauts who go to the Moon aren't exposed to any sort of deadly radiation, like the stuff coming out of the Sun that's not blocked by the magentic field and ozone layer the Moon doesn't have. > The Air Force has declined to comment on the project, pending a > review of historical records. "a review of historical records" = "watching 'Space: 1999'". > ``There was lots of talk on the part of the Air Force about the > moon being `military high ground,''' Reiffel said. UNLESS THE RUSSIANS NUKE JUPITER!!! -- K. JUPITER'S AT THE TOP OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:290881 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Top 10 Most Boring Web Sites Revealed 05/17/00 Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 04:00:49 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0c089.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 153 The NewsBytes news service wrote: > > LONDON, ENGLAND, 2000 MAY 17 (NB) -- By Steve Gold, Newsbytes. A > report just released says that even the Internet has a dull side, as > witnessed by the minefield of dreary Web sites that have been put on > the Net by people who really need to get out more often. > > The report is based on a poll by altodigital.com, the UK-based > business-to-business Internet services firm, which has produced a list > of the top 10 most boring Web sites in the UK. Maybe someday the British government will let people look at boring sites outside the U.K. > The research was conducted among 500 of altodigital.com's customers > to save unsuspecting netsurfers from yawning themselves to death. > > Top slot was http://www.pylonofthemonth.co.uk , the UK's top cyber > bore with a resounding 62 percent. The site is a guide to some of the > world's finest and most exciting electricity pylons. But... if it's only 62% boring... what is the other 38% of stuff about Exciting! Thrilling! Exploding! pylons? Oh, wait, I know -- it's outtakes from "Land Of The Lost". "Chaka, put the Jolly Ranchers in the pylon to make the killer sparkles stop coming out of the bluescreen!" > And in second position was > http://home.earthlink.net/~fluxusmidwest/doorknobs . This site is > billed as being for those with a furniture fetish. The site's hosts > "photographed every door or drawer knob, handle, or latch" they > touched over a 24 hour period. What's boring about opening doors? I mean, any of them might have FREE CANDY behind it! > Third slot was taken by http://www.dullmen.com . "A place - in > cyberspace - where Dull Men can share thoughts and experiences, free > from pressures to be 'in' and 'trendy,' to enjoy instead the simple, > ordinary things of everyday life." And all the HTML was stolen from Al Gore's "open source" Web site. > Fourth was http://www.purple.com . You guessed it - this is a site > that features nothing less and, unfortunately, nothing more than > purple. Eat your heart out Prince. Note to self: Remove all purple from www.kibo.com. > And in fifth slot, http://www.vcn.bc.ca/web-prophet/trans.htm , > contains more than 100 pages of drivel on how humanity... "seeks to > transcend the food chain and directly manufacture nutrition from inert > materials, for meta-ethical reasons." I note that the first words on the page are -> Yes, this is the most significant page on the web - ...and the last are a wonderful plea, -> An email explaining why this site has suddenly mid-May 2000 -> jumped from a handful of visitors per day to hundreds per day -> would be appreciated. ...should I be polite and send them a note to tell them they're the fifth most boring site on the Internet? Okay, I'll tell them they're boring. But only because I'm nice. > Moving down the charts we have the obviously-named > http://www.mundane.co.uk . The site operators say that user's lives > will be mundane without this site. Hey! That's exactly the same as the purple site! Only with different words on it! > Next up is http://www.kreak2000.co.uk , which altodigital.com says is > the best argument yet for national service, including links to home > pages by the authors' friends Zeroaxe and DaCarlo. HA HA! A WEB PAGE WITH LINKS ON IT! THAT IS SO BORING! > Eighth was Esther's knitting pages, located at > http://www.cs.oswego.edu/~ebozak/knit . The site features Kim > Salazar's Earwarmers, Mabel Corlett's Mittens (with the author's own > modifications for other Adult sizes!), Mabel Corlett's Socks, and Joan > Hamer's two-strand sock. Don't forget Majel Barrett's three-way sock. > Ninth slot was taken by http://www.bansemer-online.de , a site > showcasing how the German tourism industry is using the Internet to > attract holidaymakers. THE UNITED KINGDOM HAS ANNEXED GERMANY!!! WORLD WAR II IS HAPPENING AGAIN, BACKWARDS!!! > Last, but not least, in tenth position was > http://www.vertex.demon.co.uk/false.htm , billed as a nostalgic > tribute those sad people who collect valuable false teeth. Those people are pitiable compared to those respectable gents who collect only WORTHLESS false teeth! > Altodigital.com says that, in their own unique way, the Web sites > prove that a tool that can revolutionize lives can also take the inane > and pointless to new lows. > > The firm adds that taking the time to visit these sites is sure to > reward users with a cyber experience akin to watching paint dry. > > Altodigital's Web site is at http://www.altodigital.com . So I take it they were disqualified from the competition for technical reasons? > Reported by Newsbytes.com, http://www.newsbytes.com . Also boring! I hope to see more of these "news" articles in which company A tells us that companies B through Z are boring. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Boston, Massachusetts, United Kingdom: www.kibo.com (at the Web site --> http://www.kibo.com <--) has declared the following Web sites to be boring: www.aa.com through www.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.com (Especially www.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.com.) Sincerely, www.kibo.com (at --> http://www.kibo.com <--) DEAR EDITOR: PLEASE PRINT THE ABOVE NEWS STORY IN 24-POINT EXTRA-BOLD LETTERS. ALSO DO NOT PRINT ANY NEWS STORIES SUBMITTED BY ANY OTHER COMPANIES. THEY ARE BORING. HUGS, www.kibo.com (at --> http://www.kibo.com <--) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291644 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Top 10 Most Boring Web Sites Revealed 05/17/00 Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 05:33:40 GMT References: <8g410q$ack$1@panix.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b150.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 55 Eli M. Balin (elibalin@panix.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > What's boring about opening doors? I mean, any of them might have > > FREE CANDY behind it! > > Or Imperial Stormtroopers, who stand in cramped closets behind them, ready > to shoot anyone who opens the door. > > I wonder how people with legitimate reasons for opening the Stormtrooper > cabinets survive past the first day. Because Imperial Stormtroopers are inept, idiotic, fragile, and more disposable than the average Kleenex? Think about it: My gun fires at the little crosshair I can move around... Their guns fire randomly. Two hits from my gun will kill them (sometimes three if they're distant.) Two hits from their gun will make my shield blink green for a millisecond as it goes from "100" to "90". I can use any weapon I want, including hand grenades, land mines, the mortar, Bossk's rifle that makes everything in the room burst into blue flame at the same time, and the Zero Key BFG... They have to use the guns that fire the red rays that bounce off the walls back into their faces. They mill about aimlessly, pressing their chests up against walls as their little cartoon legs cycle back and forth. Rooms with fifty Stormtroopers are less dangerous than rooms with one, because the fifty will wipe each other out as they aim their guns at you through each other. But, especially... I can open doors and they can't. -- K. I wonder if Darth Vader ever considered spending money on either training the 'troopers properly or at least giving them better guns, just so he could win the damn game once in a while. A well-armed assault squadron could be funded by what he spends on his private river of butter! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291007 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Goats with spider gene produce webs Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 23:51:23 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 100 United Press International wrote: > > Subject: Goats with spider gene produce webs Now if only they could also get spiders to produce goat poop, everything would be wonderful. Hey, wait! No it wouldn't! These are horrible ideas! Nobody wants goats running around covering everything with huge smelly goat webs! Why did the scientists even CONSIDER doing this research? (Besides the hundreds of millions of dollars in Federal Goat Excreta research grants.) > By E.W. KIECKHEFER > MILWAUKEE, May 18 (UPI) - Canadian scientists have implanted > spider genes > in a herd of goats, resulting in the production of silky strands in goat > milk that can be used for sutures and other applications. > The technique was perfected by Jeffrey Turner, a geneticist > and president > of Nexia Biotechnologies of Quebec. > "We have combined the old and the new," Turner told UPI in a > recent > interview. "The old is represented by the goats and their milk, which is > used to make cheese. The new is genetic engineering." MMM! CHEESE, NOW WITH WEBS!!! (Are you folks starting to understand how I feel about cheese?) > In addition to sutures for eye surgery, the strands - which > are harvested > from the goat's milk -- can be used to reconstruct tendons or ligaments > and > to repair bones, Turner said, adding that companies like DuPont and 3M > have > been trying unsuccessfully to duplicate spider web silk in their > laboratories for years. > Turner said he has been contacted by numerous pharmaceutical > firms seeking > to acquire the technique but he said he won't sell. Can we really allow one man to have a monopoly on goats that leave trails in the air? I say that at the very least this technology should be shared with Stan Lee so that he can draw a comic book about a super-goat that can shoot webs from its butt! > "We may take on a partner for the marketing end," he said, > "but we will > keep the ownership here in Quebec." "O Canada, Land of goats that leave webs..." > One major reason for that decision is the fact that Quebec's > Caisse de > depot et placement, which is responsible for investing Quebec pension > funds, > has invested several million dollars in the venture. Well, OBVIOUSLY retirees want their pensions paid in the form of goat goop! > Turner, a native of Ontario, said he decided to base his venture in > Quebec because of the province's favorable economic climate. Then he announced further plans to genetically engineer banana slugs to leave trails of poutine. > Turner estimates the technology has a potential market of $2 > billion. He > expects the silk to go on the medical market within a year under the > brand > name BioSteelJ. "If you're going to sew me up with that stuff that came out of a goat's nipple, I'd rather keep the sucking chest wound!" > Additionally, he said, the substance likely has industrial > applications, > possibly replacing such things as Kevlar. It also could be used to cover > domed stadiums and in the aerospace and communications industries. FIFTY THOUSAND FANS CRUSHED IN STAMPEDE WHEN ANNOUNCER DECLARES, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DOMED STADIUM YOU'RE STANDING IN IS COVERED ENTIRELY WITH SILLY STRING THAT WAS SPRAYED FROM A GOAT!" > Both the U.S. and Canadian military have expressed interest in > using it > for making anti-ballistic defense systems, he said. Ha! Ha! Your primitive non-Canadian bullets cannot penetrate my vest which was squeezed from a goat's teat! -- K. Next year they're going to announce lace that comes out of a dog's butt. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291010 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: [Sm47] Space Station Needs Atlantis Badly Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 00:05:23 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 98 The Associated Press reported: > > CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) -- The international space station > needs space shuttle Atlantis and its repair crew more than ever as > more parts break and it slips lower and lower in orbit. > [...] > Four of the six electricity-generating batteries on the space > station have failed or are failing. Replacing them is NASA's No. 1 > priority. Good thing that Kodak didn't get the contract the build the space station. It would be powered by 512 AA batteries, which would have to be replaced every fifteen minutes, or every two minutes if anyone turns on the lights. Also all the computer displays would be in a font deliberately designed to look like it was written in crayon. > During the past three weeks, yet another electrical component > began faltering: a Russian battery-charging device, which will have > to be replaced. (The Russians also power things with big stacks of AA's, except that a Russian AA battery weighs forty-seven pounds. This is why their nuclear missiles are so long, because each one consists of four AA's end to end with a tiny pipe bomb in the nosecone.) > NASA's No. 2 priority is boosting the space station. YAY, SPACE STATION! GO, STATION! GIMME AN S! > For months, the station has been dropping about 1 1/2 miles each week ...and is currently at an altitude... of... THREE... FEET! (CUT TO CLOSEUP OF LEN CELLA'S FACE AS HE PRESSES "PLAY" ON A RADIO SHACK TAPE RECORDER WHICH PLAYS A TWO-SECOND CLIP OF LORRAINE GARY SCREAMING IN JAWS "2" OVER AND OVER, WITH LOUD POPPING NOISES INDICATING THAT THE TAPE LOOP WAS SPLICED WITH BLACK ELECTRICAL TAPE.) > because of increased solar activity, which causes the > atmosphere to expand and spacecraft to sink. If the atmosphere expands enough, we'll be able to hang-glide to the Moon! > The station is nearly 210 miles high. Atlantis will give it a > 26-mile lift during the six days that the spacecraft are docked. > That will put it on par with Russia's Mir, which is flying high > again with cosmonauts after being abandoned for months and > experiencing a fire, a collision and numerous breakdowns. It may be a bankrupt moldy old deathtrap, but at least it's not going to burn up in the atmosphere before it spontaneously explodes! > The first piece of the international space station was placed in > orbit in November 1998, and the second piece a month later. But > because of delays by the Russians, no major parts have been added > since then, and a permanent crew will not move in until November at > the earliest -- 2 1/2 years behind schedule. Fortunately, the computers on the station are planned to run Windows Millennium and Mac OS X, both of which should be available by 2002 1/2. > ``There's been a lot of talk about the space station's up there > with problems and people are on board Mir and we're second-string, > if you want to say it that way. But we're not,'' space station > deputy manager Robert Cabana said Thursday. > ``The truth be known, Mir is noisier and noisier than the > international space station and when we're done, the international > space station is going to be extremely quiet and nice.'' "It's have curtains in the windows and a toilet-seat cover with teddy bears flying kites. That's why it'll be a better space station than that Russian one which is all icky." > Still, the seven shuttle astronauts will have to wear ear plugs > while working inside the Russian half of the space station, because > of the racket from whirring equipment. > They will also carry their own fans. The air circulation is so > poor in the Russian module that the last astronauts who visited, > one year ago, became ill. ...and the barf is still floating around! IN SPACE, BARF FLOATS FOREVER! > The pace in orbit will pick up greatly once the Russians launch > their service module, supposedly in July. Never mind that, when's the food court going up? -- K. I can see it now: Mike O. will claim he went to the space station and spilled his Mountain Dew all over the ceiling. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291013 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: sci.energy Subject: line of the day for May 18, 2000 Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 00:30:13 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 7 In sci.energy, Steve Spence (sspence@webconx.com) wrote: > > Subject: manure digestion systems -- K. I think he means Taco Bell. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291016 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Congratulate Me Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 00:58:28 GMT References: <8ftbq1$6ae$1@saltmine.radix.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 16 Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > In other other news: a really huge spider is crawling on my wall. It's > way cool, but I should discard it. Wow, you must have a big trash can if you can put a whole wall inside. So tell us about this cool wall you used to have. -- K. Spot said, "Waah! I ordered a cool wall but they sent me a cell wall!" and then he cried, burying his face in a pile of mitochondria. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291018 sci.agriculture.beekeeping:26377 Newsgroups: sci.agriculture.beekeeping,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Bee Dream Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 01:11:01 GMT References: <39234D9B.C9CC58AB@istar.ca> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 70 Simon De Vet (sdevet@istar.ca) wrote: > > Last night I had a bee dream... For some reason, "Bee Dream" sounds like what Ben & Jerry's would name a honey-flavored tofutti. > I had ordered an package of bees. The bees arrived in a white paper bag, > neatly folded to envelope size. Attached to the end of the bag was a > cassette attachment, which could be plugged into a car stereo. It also > included a key, to turn it on. > > I plugged it into the cassette slot on the mailbox, which was in our > backyard for some reason, and turned the key. Nothing happened. After > several minutes, the bag started to inflate, much like microwave > popcorn. It was completely silent. > > With the help of my father, I tied the bag onto a tree where we wanted > to keep the hive, and attached one end of a string to the flap keeping > the bag closed. Running inside, we pulled the string to open the flap, > and out flew a swarm, which quickly wrapped itself around the back of > our lawn chairs. I would love to see the directions that are printed on the back of the packet. For instance, Orville Redenbacher thinks that "Open bag, then enjoy." needs to be spelled out in case we forget to open the bag before we eat the popcorn. (But it doesn't say whether or not to eat the bag!) So, I envision some lovely instructions on how to eat your instant bees in a way that won't generate any lawsuits. I've started collecting pictures of those icons that show up on shopping carts diagramming every possible way you're not allowed to use the cart ("Do not allow child to stand on his head while cart collides with beehive") as research for a story I'm planning to write about the subject of things you can't do with shopping carts. However, I promise not to mention your list of things you can't do with InstaBees if you'll read the back of your imaginary bee packet to us. I just want to know how to use bees safely! > [stuff forgotten] > > Later, I notice a few bees crawling on the outside of the living room > windows. Quickly, these few bees become a few dozen, all frantic to get > in. I look down and see why. A queen bee is sitting on the table. I know > it's the queen since it's well over 30 cm long, has a head the size of a > Ping-Pong ball, is light brown, and is shaped a little like a weasel > with wings. RUN! YOUR HOUSE IS BEING INVADED BY A SWARM OF MILTON BRADLEY COOTIES! > There are a few drones flying around it. > > I run to find my mother, to show her. When we return to the living room, > the queen is gone, along with the entire side wall. > > Something happens involving a different family camping and green glowing > bees. I'm a little fuzzy on this part. > > > What does this dream mean? Where can I buy my instant bee package? I'm not sure. I usually just get my imaginary bees by flipping the vacuum cleaner's "SUCK/BLOW" switch to the secret third position which causes the hose to emit a steadly stream of circus bees that have been trained to do my bidding. -- K. Have you checked Hammacher Schlemmer? Or possibly Ben & Jerry's? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291019 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Bee Dream Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 01:14:41 GMT References: <39234D9B.C9CC58AB@istar.ca> <8fvjqh$qap$2@enyo.uwa.edu.au> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 15 John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > Sorry to hack up your thread with cafeteria style one liners and > stuff, but this is very interesting because I had a dream last night > that was sort of Kibological ... I was floating through the city where > I live (Perth) and every building was covered with graffiti that read > "George Hammond" and "George 'Cubey' Hammond". "And when I woke up, I saw fifty Elvis impersonators who looked like me!" -- K. That graffiti is even sillier than the fake graffiti in the video arcade at the Luxor pyramid. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291025 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Nudibranch of the week Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 01:23:48 GMT References: <8F35A8544slakdurian@199.45.45.11> <8fvgng$nb9$1@enyo.uwa.edu.au> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 34 John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > I got a Yowie last week (Austrian version of Kinder > suprise, but have native animals instead of miniature > gnomes and the like) and got a nudibranch! Brilliant! > Now we have a miniature nudibranch on top of our TV. > > I just wanted to share that OK bye. It took me a while to remember that a Kinder Surprise is a European thing where you get a plastic ball and after you've paid for it you can open it up to find a molded plastic critter inside. (Cost of manufacture: Two cents. Or half an Euro.) We don't have anything like that in the USA, because kids are not allowed to have anything with another thing inside, because if the little thing fits into the big thing, it could probably also fit into you, and/or the big thing could fit over you. For instance, the PokŽballs (plastic balls the size of tangerines with a toy inside) were yanked off the market because some baby Krazy-Glued one over his whole face when his parents left the PokŽmon toy from Burger King in his crib (presumably with the rest of the baby's Burger King meal.) NestlŽ used to make hollow chocolate balls with a toy inside, but again they were taken away from Americans because concerned parents realized that kids could swallow the racketball-sized chocolate ball whole and then it would open up inside their stomach and then there would be a tiny plastic dinosaur inside them and it might hurt when they poop it out especially if it's a Triceratops. We're also not allowed to have Lawn Darts, Dive Sticks, or Battlestar Galactica toys that can shoot plastic missiles. -- K. Just ones that can shoot real lasers. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291060 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Nudibranch of the week Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 04:19:36 GMT References: <8F35A8544slakdurian@199.45.45.11> <8fvgng$nb9$1@enyo.uwa.edu.au> <8g2d36$1hd$1@enyo.uwa.edu.au> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b009.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 51 John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > Sorry, I thought Kinder Surprises were a global thing. Well, you're > not missing out on much; the last three Kinder Surprises I bought all > contained a small gnome holding a pie and a mug of beer. > > Yowies, on the other hand, are great! Imagine the thrill of finding > a miniature Potato Cod in your chocolate egg! Or a locust! In fact, > I'm going out to buy one right now.. Ah, so Yowies are chocolate eggs with toys inside? Then those are similar to the Nestle product I was thinking of that got Concerned Parents Who Wouldn't Let Their Kid Or Anyone Else's Have Any Chocolate all upset about. In the USA, the only things with Toy Surprises are Cracker Jacks, which are boxes of very stale caramel popcorn (plus three peanuts per box) which have, since the turn of the century, contained tiny paper packets with incredibly lame toys (on the order of a sticker or a plastic pinkie ring.) The Japanese are way, way ahead of the US, culturally speaking. They have packages containing a big toy and a tiny amount of awful stale candy. We have packages containing lots of really cheap stale popcorn and a tiny toy. We also have low-quality baseball cards that cost over a dollar a card, more than the good ones -- K-Mart sells these boxes the same size as a whole box of baseball cards except containing a huge block of Styrofoam and six (6) packets of three (3) cards each, for $19.99. Now, a box that size would normally contain something like fifty packets of a dozen cards (for $40) if you bought it from an actual reuputable sports-card dealer (you know, those stores that sell mainly PokŽmon stuff) and not K-Mart. (The "K" stands for "Krap".) Also, the leading chain of toys stores -- with an outlet in every single mall in the country (sometimes more than one per mall) -- is "Kay-Bee" or "K-B", depending on which month they put up their sign. They always have nothing but the toys nobody wants (i.e. they will have all the "Star Wars" figures _except_ Luke and Darth) with phony markdowns on the price tags (the price is printed in black then crossed out with a new price written in with a red magic marker that has pixels in it.) I did some research and it turns out that Kay-Bee is, as I suspected, a division of a salvage-and-remainder company. In other words, they literally do sell the toys that "Toys 'R' Us" couldn't sell the previous year. What's the state of toys like in Australia? I need to know because I'm trying to decide whether to color it "good" or "evil" on my map. -- K. Neutral countries have lots of toys, but only educational ones. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291034 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Netizen Jarai Departs Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 02:10:17 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 33 Matthew J McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > Brian Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I'm burned out on USENET, a.r.k, the net, and I guess even life in > > general. Hey that's pretty much everything, right? > > Sorry, Jarai, your burnout letter violates RFC 69936 (Terminal USENET > Posts) as well as ISO 33512-01. The tone is far too civil, and you forgot > the part about how you realized we are all a bunch of losers because you > finally had sex. Please revise. Many historical examples are available. MATT, IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO CAUSE PEOPLE LIKE BRIAN TO GO AWAY AND THEN COME BACK LATER! Hey, has anyone else noticed that Wild E. "Cyote" "PhD" vanished about ten days ago? > > [...] > > > > I will still be around, but for the foreseeable future I'm leaving my > > USENET haunts behind. History shows that burn-out proclamations rarely > > signify the end of one's posting career. I doubt mine's permanently over. > > This level of realization is also highly irregular. Unless he's lying and is NEVER coming back! Waah! Come back, Jarai! -- K. I promise to give everyone on the Internet $1000 if I ever leave and NEVER come back. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291094 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Netizen Jarai Departs Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 07:59:40 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b145.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 39 Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Hey, has anyone else noticed that Wild E. "Cyote" "PhD" vanished about > > ten days ago? > > Uh oh. Where are you hiding him? > > We know you have a closet somewhere in your house where you kidnap usenet > kooks and hold them for ransom, until someone would actually pay to get them > back, that is. "Mommy, why is all that misspelled cursing coming from Daddy's special closet?" "Hush, Kibo Jr. This is just a dramatization of what would happen if Kibo really kidnapped mad scientists, and if he had a son, and if Daddy weren't President." "But... Daddy's NOT President!" "You're right... oh my word, it's starting to come true! Now I have to get Kibo elected before he marries me and fathers you and kidnaps kooks!" > So who will contribute to Cyote's ransom? I'll kick in a nickel. Kibo cares not for nickels. However, he would really like to be the first man on the Moon. Please kill Neil Armstrong and that other guy who walked on the Moon and erase the minds of everyone at NASA so that Kibo can be the guy who discovers the Moon. Also put some pretty space bugs on the Moon for Kibo to squish. -- K. And make astronaut ice cream not taste like steel wool. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291040 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: A serious comment (was: Re: goodbye...) Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 02:49:57 GMT References: <8fldld$8j7$1@provolone.cs.utexas.edu> <39216d7b$0$85040$3c090ad1@news.plethora.net> <8ft38f$no6$2@enyo.uwa.edu.au> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b191.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 98 [re a legitimate-seeming suicide note which was posted in alt.religion.kibology, alt.gothic, and comp.fonts] John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > Peter Seebach (seebs@plethora.net) wrote: > > > > Anyway, think about the implications of *choosing* alt.religion.kibology > > as the place to announce your suicide. That's like booking a group of > > Dadaist performance artists for your funeral, only you pay them in > > advance with moldy sausage. > > Or Mummenschanz paid in advance with lard. I don't understand why many people seem to have difficulty with the fact that someone posted their suicide note to _this_ newsgroup. If you or I or anyone else who's been posting here chose to post a suicide note, wouldn't we want to put it where our friends and acquaintances could see it? I certainly wouldn't think "Well, everyone who knows who I am in over in alt.religion.kibology, but I better post my suicide note over in serious.suicide.notes.and.nothing.else because it might be off-topic in alt.religion.kibology, the newsgroup that gets freaked out when you try to be serious for a moment." EXCUSE ME FOR BEING SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT!!! If you were to look up Oonh's posting history with DejaNews, you'd find out that he'd been writing to alt.religion.kibology, comp.fonts, and alt.gothic, so it seems only natural that when considering thoughts of suicide that those would be the people he'd try to communicate his feelings with. I've sent Oonh (Owen) a postcard with a photo of Lego Jar Jar on the back, and I sincerely hope that he pulls through and returns to the Internet when he feels up to it. He hadn't posted to alt.religion.kibology very many times, but one of his articles was a three-word post which made me laugh quite a while -- an impressive density of laughs-per-word. -> From: oonh (light@origin.uchicago.edu) -> Subject: Re: Top this! -> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology -> Organization: water molecule mandanganai -> Date: 21 Feb 2000 00:00:00 GMT -> -> James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) believes otherwise that: -> > -> > Durian-flavored Citroma. -> -> > Top that! -> -> durian flavored condoms. -> -> oonh I understand why people got upset over M. Otis's phony suicide last fall, but I am perplexed by the way the a.r.k community seems to be divided over whether to disbelieve or to be hostile to Oonh's suicide note mainly on the basis of which newsgroups it was posted in! (Some people were even flaming Oonh in his absence, on the basis of "We're in comp.fonts/alt.gothic/alt.religion.kibology, but we assume the suicide note came from one of the other two newsgroups, therefore it must be bogus, therefore we should start yelling.") I realize that a.r.k is a haven for "anything goes, especially silly stuff", but does it seem to anyone else that perhaps "anything goes" should also occasionally include the willingness to take some things seriously once in a while? We have a habit of evading serious issues and being hostile to those we perceive as outsiders (and I freely admit I _like_ being hostile to certain dumber-than-sacks-of-hammers folks who claim to be smarter than Einstein) but am I alone in having assumed that a demonstrably legitimate suicide note (one of Oonh's friends has told us he's been hospitalized) might merit at least some compassion, not hostility and/or suspicious that someone might be trying to pull a fast one? (The note turned out to be real, and thankfully Oonh is alive today because some people did care enough to read his note and then call the local fire department.) It's better to risk yourself being fooled once in a while than to completely insulate yourself from ever expressing a genuine emotion under the assumption that someone like M. Otis might be trying to fool you. The world will seem a terrible place if you take everything seriously, but it's also ill-advised to take _nothing_ seriously. Both worldviews make one so jaded that they limit one's capacity for forming actual social attachments, the most fulfilling of which require both whimsy and thought. Also, at my funeral, I want Mummenschanz to perform, but not Blue Man Group. Unless you get the _real_ Blue Man Group and not one of the bogus ones that is playing simulatenously in Las Vegas, Chicago, Boston, and New York. But I don't know how you can tell them apart because they're just guys whose whole shtick is that their heads are blue and they do furniture commercials. -- K. "I don't like dealing with the foot problems of galaxies." -- Oonh ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291132 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: A serious comment (was: Re: goodbye...) Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 22:55:07 GMT References: <39216d7b$0$85040$3c090ad1@news.plethora.net> <8ft38f$no6$2@enyo.uwa.edu.au> <392551e3$0$12263$3c090ad1@news.plethora.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens Lines: 33 Peter Seebach (seebs@plethora.net) wrote: > > However, given that, it now surprises me that someone is mad because the > local community are making jokes about the note. That's the Official > Coping Strategy of the newsgroup, no? Nowehere did I express being "mad because the local community are making jokes" about anything. I have no issue with people having fun trying to entertain or communicate with each other, on either a wacky or a serious level. I'm concerned that some people (elsewhere in the thread) chose to *flame* a suicide note, and that others chose to assume it should be disregarded (and told everyone else so) because it they thought it *might* not have been real, indicating that some people are so cautious about the possibility of being trolled that they are unwilling to risk expressing genuine concern. I'm also not mad that whenever I express an opinion about how perhaps flaming might sometimes be an inappropriate response, I receive a bunch of E-mail from people who are outraged that HOW DARE I DISAPPROVE OF PEOPLE WHO FLAME EVERYTHING THAT MOVES!!! Geez, people, lighten up, will ya? If a.r.k's "Official Coping Strategy" is to be constantly wacky and non-serious, then why am I getting flamed for observing that some people FLAMED A SUICIDE NOTE? Does flaming a suicide note count as lighthearted whimsy, or as thoughtful introspection? -- K. Can we go back to flaming M. Otis Beard instead? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291649 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: A serious comment (was: Re: goodbye...) Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 05:58:17 GMT References: <39216d7b$0$85040$3c090ad1@news.plethora.net> <8ft38f$no6$2@enyo.uwa.edu.au> <392551e3$0$12263$3c090ad1@news.plethora.net> <8g4lm0$3ds@elaine3.Stanford.EDU> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b150.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.3 Lines: 37 Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) writes: > > > > If a.r.k's "Official Coping Strategy" is to be constantly wacky and > > non-serious, then why am I getting flamed for observing that some people > > FLAMED A SUICIDE NOTE? Does flaming a suicide note count as lighthearted > > whimsy, or as thoughtful introspection? > > > SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO STUPID! SLIME! GAY STALKER HALF MAN PARRY! > > I went over to Kibo's house and spilled Mountain Dew all > over his bitter gourd plant and then I didn't clean it up! > > Kibo sucks! > > kibo.usuck.com! I killed the bitter gourd vine last fall because I needed that corner of the room back. I think most of the pieces of it are gone, unless there are some hiding inside my laser printer. At the moment I'm just growing baby cacti because I figure this year when I go to Canada they can't grow more than a hundredth of a millimeter. Also they don't emit horrible odors whenever anyone or anything touches them, such as Earth's atmosphere. I just wanted to tell you that to distract you while the computer virus containing live bitter gourd vine seeds was on its way to you. E-mail gets more useful every year! -- K. If your computer's turned off right now, don't even think about turning it on, just buy a new one. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291085 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: A serious comment (was: Re: goodbye...) Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 07:21:01 GMT References: <8fldld$8j7$1@provolone.cs.utexas.edu> <39216d7b$0$85040$3c090ad1@news.plethora.net> <8ft38f$no6$2@enyo.uwa.edu.au> <8F38D67FDbrowse0tron@207.211.168.82> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b145.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 35 Peter Willard (petew@drizzle.com) wrote: > > [...] > > If you notice someone has disappeared, track down and force a > burn-out post out of 'em. But what if they just disappeared without burning out? Like, they developed some disease which causes severe nausea whenever they come with 500 feet of a computer? Is it possible to have a valid excuse to stop blabbing on the Internet? SCIENTISTS SAY NO! I think that what we should do is that all of us should place burn-out posts on file with The Kibology Center (which is in my bedroom) so that when anyone disappears, I will automatically detect that (via my lack-of-a-Kibologist detector) and will post the burnout letter which was saved for just such an occasion. Also I'd keep posting Bob Hope's by accident. -- K. DEAR ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY, I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP USING THE INTERNET FOREVER BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ESPECIALLY NOW THAT IT IS THE YEAR xxxx. SINCERELY, THIS IS NOT A RECORDING, BOB HOPE. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291043 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: goodbye... Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 02:58:23 GMT References: <8fldld$8j7$1@provolone.cs.utexas.edu> <8fvju3$n3g$1@nnrp1.deja.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b191.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 55 Noah A Christis (haon4707@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Paulette F Poullet (pfp+@andrew.cmu.edu) wrote: > > > > [.signature] > > > > ^_ ^_^ > > \_\(o':') -PIKAPIKA > > \(v__ ) > > > Someone pls mangle, drive over, and/or mutilate. Payment upon delivery. I was going to run over that PokŽmon with a cheap imitation Traskmobile, but because I don't have a car to paint up like a Traskmobile I was going to have to make one out of Legos, and while I was at the toy store looking for enough Lego Jar Jars to pull the heads off of to make my PokŽmon-crushing fake Traskmobile, I realized that ASCII art, much like a run-on sentence, is a fragile assemblage of building blocks ‡ la Legos, assuming I got that accent mark facing in the right direction, so I think a simpler tactic would be to disassemble the evil PokŽmon into its component blocks and make something else: ^_ ^_^ \_\(o':') -PIKAPIKA \(v__ ) becomes ' ' ( ( ) ) - : A A I I K K o P P v \ \ \ ^ ^ ^ _ _ _ _ _ which I will leave as an exercise for the Gentle Reader to re-assemble into a more productive cartoon member of society. Hint: You can sort of make "KIBO" out of it with KIPo \) ...leaving plenty of squiggles and dots left over to craft a picture of me. -- K. "Scared, 'cause it could squeeze you into bits!" -- kid being asked for her feelings about an escaped pet boa, on the local hour-long news ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291063 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Regis Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 05:33:32 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b166.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.2 Lines: 98 [regarding "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"] Nervous Nick (struttman@hotmail.com.com) wrote: > > Hey, there was a question on that show last night...something like, When > you get yourself into a difficult situation, it's like opening a can of > (dunno whutt all the choices were, but somethin like): > > A) Sardines > B) Worms > C) Bees > D) Chef Boy-Ar-Dee > > Imagine that--*a can of bees!* > > a kibological moment in B-television history Hmm. Last night, the premiere episode of the second season of Michael Moore's show ("The Awful Truth", Weds. 10PM on Bravo) did a piece on Eddie Eagle, about three months after I did a piece on Eddie Eagle here. And now, Regis is stealing my material! I don't mind Michael Moore, but REGIS PHILBIN? Next you're going to tell me that Dr. Joyce Brothers is also ripping me off! -- K. If she calls anyone anyone a bumbass, let me know. ////////// REPOST FROM TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Princess Telephones Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Sat, 17 Jan 1998 08:23:44 GMT "leah verre" wrote: > > My mom had a princess telephone when I was little. It kept falling over, > so she nailed it to the table. And then you said "MOMMY MOMMY WHO DO YOU ALWAYS SAY MY TELEPHONE GOES AROUND IN CIRCLES?" and she said "SHUT UP OR I'LL NAIL YOUR OTHER FOOT TO THE BOWL WHILE WE ROAST MARSHMALLOWS." And then you took a ladder to the party because you heard that drinks were on the house! > I don't have a joke here. this little memory tidbit just popped into my > head (probably because I am drawing a picture of a Princess Phone for which > to aminate) and I thought I'd share. You're sick, making cartoons about cars crashing in Paris tunnels. > Also, my head is filled with bees. We were talking about it at work today. We decided that it wasn't that bad to open a can of worms, because opening a can of bees was much worse. So then I said that Leah Verre is probably wishing she had worms in her head. Also I can't find anyone to play Quake against at work because I'm the only one with a good computer. Unless you count the gigantic one. -- K. An act of true faith is when one of the authors of your favorite game mails you "Hey K. - What's your current high score? Give me the export code and I'll update the all-time ultimate warrior on the site." I have no joke, I just like pointing out that everyone knows that my score is always higher than everyone else's. Also we have a gigantic computer at work. It is filled with bees. RELEASE THE A3 BEES!!! ////////// END OF REPOST. THE A3 BEES WERE RELEASED AND PROPERLY RECYCLED. -- K. The best thing about reposts is I get to sneak in an extra postscript. "Oh no! Someone is smoking a cigarette! Eddie Eagle has to leave!" -- me, March 2000 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:291064 sci.physics:476491 Newsgroups: sci.physics,a