Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:299845 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: How people REALLY use the Web. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 13 Jul 2000 00:35:43 GMT References: <8F6FCE785doidyhead@209.30.0.14> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens (BETA) Lines: 134 Joe Manfre (manfre@flash.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > I just did my periodic sweep of my log files to see whay query terms > > people had been keying into Web search engines to arrive at www.kibo.com. > > > > [...] > > > > "Paula Poundstone show" > > Why were they searching the Web for that, when they can see > the same Paula Poundstone comedy concert every week on Comedy > Central? (The one where the people in the audience give her > free Pop-Tarts.) I think they were searching for the one that ran for one and a half episodes (around the time NBC's "seaQuest DSV" premiered) and not only bombed, but also set off a chain reaction which would eventually get "Mystery Science Theater 3000" cancelled. Speaking of which, I have "Mystery 2000" flavor Squeezits(tm) here. I keep waiting for them to make witty remarks about my other snack foods but they seem to be broken or something. Even the one with the hair made from an old lacrosse mask didn't bother to say anything when I made it watch "Baby Geniuses". Waah! I hate it when my junk food doesn't dislike the same movies I do! > > "female reporter"+"eyepatch" > > See, most of the time you can look at search terms and see > what the person was thinking of. But I really want specifics > on this one. That was someone who went to HotBot and was probably profoundly saddened to see that Hotbot can find only one page which mentions both "female reporter" and "eyepatch". And it's one of mine. Apparently I am the world's only source of entertainment for people who like female reporters with eyepatches as they do their female reporting and eyepatching. reporter,reporters,newscaster,newscasters,anchorwoman,anchorwomen, correspondent,correspondents,eyepatch,eye patch,eye,patch,eyepatches, eyepatchs,eye patches,eyes patches,poke,ow my eye,larn dart,hathaway There, that should get my site some more visitors. Okay, some more of the SAME visitor. > > "peanut butter" AND hollywood AND brand AND carbohydrate AND grams > > "santa ho ho ho" > > "sniffing panties" > > I bet some video producer in Southern California is already > working on a new project combining these three. "Look! It's the Green Giant!" "Ho ho ho! MERRY CHRISTMAS!" "You got your PEANUT BUTTER in my PANTIES!" > > "swish pan" > > "to wet his pants" > > "truman bradley" > > "virtual reality" > > But these are more likely being combined into some awesome > new computer software. SWISH-PAN TO: TRUMAN BRADLEY (wearing a colander on his head) With this new virtual reality helmet I feel like I have actually wet my pants. Now if you'll follow me to my laboratory table, we'll do an experiment with peanut butter and panties. ONE-EYED WOMAN But could these imaginary wet pants pose a danger to the public? Channel Thirteen Action Wet Pants News is the first to break the story! We go live to the scene of the action: CUT TO: (Scratchy black-and-white stock footage of two mice running around on a 78 RPM record turntable) > > James Kibo Parry > > KIBO > > Kibo > > Kibo orange cones > > Kibology > > LITTLE GIRLS IN BIKINIS > > That sudden change in subject matter just about gave > me whiplash! Google sez: -> Your search - +"little girls in bikinis" +"whip" +"lash" - did not -> match any documents. -> -> * Make sure all words are spelled correctly. -> * Try using fewer words. -> * Try using more general keywords. -> * Try different keywords. Waah! But if I use DIFFERENT keywords I won't find the particular kind of perversion I NEED to find! For my school assignment! > I'm not surprised that all the diaper stuff points to > Kibo's site, but I never would have guessed there were > that many people in the world looking for Gay Batman. > > > > JM > > p.s. He's here at my house. I always thought "gay Batman" was redundant. Straight superheroes are the exception, not the rule. The only one who ever kisses women is Superman, and even he has peanut butter in his red panties, if you know what I mean. -- K. This is now the most popular Internet article ever. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:299850 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Psst... wanna see a secret project I'm involved with? Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 13 Jul 2000 00:47:13 GMT References: <12cd6402.b76cbb90@usw-ex0104-025.remarq.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo.std.com Organization: welcome datacomp X-Newsreader: Mr. Newsreader Lite Junior Starter Kit Limited Edition For Teens (BETA) Lines: 62 "Garamir" (garamir@jps.net) wrote: > > In rant #3, Kibo wrote: > > > > There's also no network specifically for prison inmates. > > I can't say I've ever actually seen The Prison Network, but on > at least one of my friends' cable coverage, the last channel > (89? 99? I can't recall) has what appears to be a security > camera display. The scenery isn't much to talk about, and I > can't really tell whether it's an actual prison, since I've > never seen any real people there. It might just be the same > shot, frozen since the dawn of prison time. Maybe your friend should go downstairs sometime and see if his apartment building's lobby looks like that. Many apartments have a camera in the lobby which shows up on some channel or other. Of course, the TV is never within twenty feet of the intercom and buzzer, and that's assuming they gave you a free TV with the apartment. I hate those lousy TVs! > I'd call the cable company up and ask them what it is, but I'm > afraid they'd take it off when they realized it was there: > > Me: Hi, I was wondering why you're showing prison security > cameras on channel x9? > Guy: Wha? Lemme check. Oh, that's not the prison. That's our > brach off-- hang on a sec. > [Channel x9 is replaced with the Batttle of The Ants And > Termites Network feed from broadcast] > Guy: Nope... I don't see anything unusual. Are you sure your > cable box is working correctly? I used to have a cable system which had a channel showing a picture of an oscilloscope showing the waveform of the signal being transmitted on the channel that showed the oscilloscope. IT WAS THE MOST BORING INFINITE REGRESS EVER! Then eventually they went to a four-way split-screen showing three oscilloscopes and one solid gray quadrant, but I moved away before I found out if they were ever going to add Bob McGrath singing "One of these things is not like the others..." It never got up to the level of excitement of, oh, Genesis StoryTime, the channel where you could watch stick figures being drawn at 1200 baud while right-wing radio talk shows came out of the TV speaker. Now at least I get The Game Show Network on both the "A" and "B" cable systems (I'm in one of those places that has two coaxes with a different set of channels on each one) so that I can see it on either 58A or 28B depending on whether I want to see the "Match Game '76" contestants pick "A" or "B". Of course, they always pick "B", which is why I always vote for "A". -- K. DUMB DORA was so DUMB... (HOW DUMB WAS SHE?) DUMB DORA was so DUMB, she picked A! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300086 alt.society.generation-x:223146 Newsgroups: alt.society.generation-x,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: So this is Generation X? Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 06:04:34 GMT References: <8jte1n$fqk$1@plutonium.btinternet.com> <396bf14b.2993988@news.mindspring.com> <8kj1kn$pfk@epic8.Stanford.EDU> <8kj42e$4cl$1@saltmine.radix.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b001.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 34 Ted Frank (moe@Radix.Net) wrote: > > Joseph Michael Bay (jmbay@Stanford.EDU) wrote: > > > > In alt.society.generation-x and alt.religion.kibology, > > "Leeb" (bumgarls@icqmail.com) wrote: > > > > > > So, the real question is--where were you when the Challenger blew up? > > > > Hauling ass out of Kennedy Space Center with half > > a bucket of liquid nitrogen in the back seat. > > > > I MEAN AT SCHOOL AND/OR DOING HOMEWORK! > > I just love jokes that are so obscure that anyone who didn't > read page A17 of the newspaper isn't going to get it, and it'll > be completely mystifying a year from now on Deja. > > No, really, I do, I'm not being sarcastic. The Challenger blew up? Gosh, this just shows what you miss when you go out of the country for a few days. -- K. "Kibo has the genius of Brett Somers, the creativity of Lionel Fanthorpe, the zaniness of Jack Webb, the good looks of Garry Shandling, the elegance of Empress Carlotta, the career longevity of Jimmy Workman, the fan following of Joe Shlabotnik, and the cultrual obscurantism of Dennis Miller." -- Dennis Miller ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300359 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Final day at work for Schwa Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 03:53:30 GMT References: <8knva5$gh$1@nnrp1.deja.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0c085.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 36 "Schwa Love" (schwa242@my-deja.com) wrote: > > Well... after three years at the company I currently do PC tech > support, today's my final day (yay)! [...] > > This means I will be posting and reading ARK a little bit less, > now that I no longer have free, speedy internet access, though I will > still be on from time to time through my slow home connection. [...] > > So farewell, and I'll probably be back on next week, and if > I'm not, I will pay George Hammond $1000 in the form of a three- > dimensional bill who's monetary spatial dimensions are $10 X $10 X $10. But that would amount to a thousand cubical dollars, as in "$$$1000". You need to replace two of the dollar signs with dimensionless units, like maybe multiply $10 by 10 Abians by 10 more Abians, which would give you $1000 (and give me some cherry Pez the size of meat loafs) because Abians are the magical unit which disappear whenever two of them collide, which also makes my bathtub fill with nice dry candy. So remember, kids, always multiple your dollars by Abians, not by other dollars. Abians are dimensionless units, so you can put them in or take them out without screwing up your recipe! For example: $1 x 1 Abian = $1 $1 x 2 Abians = $1 $1 + 1 Abian = $1 The only catch is that if you cube an Abian, you need to remember that "a cubical Abian" is spelled "George Hammond". -- K. I DEMAND CUBICAL PEZ LOAVES! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300498 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Supermarket divider bar tragedy #20000716a. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 03:32:59 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b075.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 31 Today I was at South Bay Center for various reasons, the least of which was to shop at the Stop & Shop next to the Super 88 Supermaket. (It's spelled "Supermaket" on most of the posters inside the store, so I'm going to spell it that way from now on because, darn it, they told me to.) I went to the Stop & Shop just to use their restroom, because the Super 88 doesn't have one, Toys R Us was closed, and the K-Mart restroom was full (and I don't mean of people.) While I was in there I saw a brand of artificial raspberry soda I'd never seen before (and I was thirsty) and I also decided to pick up a roll of Rolaids in case the five-hour plane flight to Toronto next week makes my stomach hurt. So, I got in the express checkout lane with my two items. I put them down on the conveyor belt and put one of the translucent rectangular divider bars between my groceries and the previous woman's pile. But this simple precaution was defeated by the cashier's clever labor-saving efficiency procedure: She returned the divider bar (after the woman's groceries) to its storage groover BEFORE ringing up the groceries it was behind. In other words, she put my groceries on someone else's bill even though it required her to first remove the divider bar solely so she could do that. A small act of rebellion by a cashier who dislikes the concept of divider bars. -- K. If you ask nicely I will tell you about the dumbest cashier I've ever encountered. Need I mention it was in a 7-Eleven? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:301234 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Supermarket divider bar tragedy #20000716a. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 01:44:28 GMT References: Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo2.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 71 Mike Zeares (mzeares@texas.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > If you ask nicely I will tell you about the dumbest cashier > > I've ever encountered. Need I mention it was in a 7-Eleven? > > Uncle Kibo? Please tell us that story about the dumbest cashier you > ever met. Please? Pleeeeeeease? > > -- Mikey (An' do the funny voice.) Okie-dokie, Mikey. You may remember that there is a 7-Eleven a block from where I live, and it used to be a Christy's with an "ALWAYS OPEN" sign even though they were only open until 11. And they briefly had a Taco Bell Express in the back requiring twice as many employees (two) as the rest of the dinky convenience store so that you could have two people threatening to have you arrested when you allow them to get your order wrong. (That Taco Bell Express died faster than any other fast food outlet I've ever seen, it was gone in less than half a year.) Then you may also recall I went to this 7-Eleven to try to buy one of the El Tacos they had posters advertising, and the clDUHHHHerk didn't know what an El Taco was other that it obviously involved a hot dog bun, DUHHHHHHHHH. Well, anyhow, the Calumet market across the street (the one which used to smell funny, had squishy "frozen" food, and the ads saying "Our Most Important Special Is Y-O-U!") went out of business, the "convenience" store in the gas station (which was closed for remodeling for over a year) is pathetic (and has clerks who really, really, really dislike ringing up people's purchases), and the Osco drugstore now closes at 9:30 instead of 10:30 because they changed their posted closing time from 11 to 10. This means that when I get home from work (usually after 10) there are few options for buying snacks, but usually the 7-Eleven is open. I went in there to pick up a gallon of water (tap water isn't terribly trustworthy in Boston) and some other stuff, and when I got to the counter I noticed a big puddle of coffee on the nice white counter. The puddle was approximately the size which would result if Mike O. spilled an entire cup of coffee on the counter without getting any on the floor. It was right next to the cash register, so naturally I put my groceries on the counter a little further away from the register, not touching the puddle. Let me restate that this was a BIG BROWN PUDDLE on a WHITE counter, not very difficult to see EVEN IF YOU'RE STUPID. So, the clerk rings up my purchase and prepares to put the stuff in a bag. He shakes open a plastic bag and notices there's a big puddle where he wants to put the bag, and being a nice guy he didn't want to get the bag wet, so... ...he shoved my groceries over into the coffee puddle and put the empty bag in the clean spot. Then he put the groceries in the bag. Wait, there's more. Because the bag was still clean on the bottom, he slid it over into the coffee puddle before handing it to me. The sheer dumbness of some of these people makes me wonder why "Gilligan's Island" didn't get cancelled for being too intellectual. -- K. I doubt this guy could have followed the plot of "Gilligan's Island". "Hey, why are they putting hot dogs into the buns we use for El Tacos?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300510 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Am I talking in my sleep again? Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 04:42:33 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b075.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 30 The top line of last week's news page on a very good Web site about modems, http://www.56k.com/pastnews/00070208.shtml says... Slow modem text: Coming this summer to a theater near you! Not near anyone else! --ĘKibo Now, I don't remember saying that. I don't see it in my archive of recent articles by me either. Am I talking in my sleep again, or did one of you other people on the Internet (all six of you) say that? If so, is there some form I need to fill out to transfer ownership of that quote back to you? If none of you claims it within 30 seconds, I'm keeping it. I like it. -- K. "For those of you reading this in the archive in 2076, by the year 2000 nothing went slower than 50000 baud unless you were a homeless person with only a 2400 baud modem." (an actual Kibo quote from February 10, 2000) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300518 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Short shameful confession. Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 05:25:52 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b075.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 8 Disney is overrated. So is whitehouse.gov. I've always wanted to be the "if you are under 18, GO ELSEWHERE" link on the front page of a porno site. -- K. http://www.flinthills.com/~edco/sex.html ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300774 sci.agriculture:47274 sci.energy:114250 sci.physics.fusion:52163 Newsgroups: sci.physics.fusion,sci.energy,sci.agriculture,alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Fusion Barrier Law Re: Farm/Agri to ITER breakeven impossibility; FARM EXPERIMENT Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 18 Jul 2000 06:28:45 GMT References: <391D9B1A.7B3AAFD0@willinet.net> <8ge7ll$jih$1@nnrp1.deja.com> <392CE46A.82A1942E@willinet.net> <3970BB56.9A4B581F@willinet.net> <8kqm9i$sda$3@news6.svr.pol.co.uk> <3971E3B9.39CB04DE@willinet.net> <39729881.23BA9ADB@willinet.net> Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium Lines: 17 In sci.physics.fusion, sci.energy, and sci.agriculture, Archimedes Plutonium (arc_plutonium@hotmail.com) wrote: > > > Steve Spence (sspence@webconx.com) wrote: > > > > [...] Your theories don't make sense to me. > > > Stop pelting my threads with your less than serious posts. ...OH, WHAT A *ZINGER*! -- K. Hey, Arch, nice threads. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:300781 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Advertising campaigns are reflecting diminshed expectations... Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Tue, 18 Jul 2000 07:32:39 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b074.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 27 ...the new commercial for T.G.I. Friday's (one of those gimmicky "fun" restaurants which is like a normal fast food restaurant except the staff has to wear Mork-style suspenders) emphasizes that FROM NOW ON, THEY WILL WASH THEIR VEGETABLES (in "Fit" brand vegetable detergent.) They even dip some green peppers in a bowl of water and the water turns chocolate brown to show us how much crud they used to not wash off the veggies. WOW! I'M GOING TO START EATING THERE NOW THAT THEY'RE NO LONGER A FILTHY, DISGUSTING CESSHOLE! SUBSCRIBE ME TO A HEAPING HELPING OF THE NEW NON-UNSANITARY VERSION OF T.G.I. FRIDAY'S WHERE THE VEGETABLES TASTE MORE LIKE DETERGENT AND LESS LIKE MANURE! Now if only they'd start washing the plates, too. -- K. I think their lawyers advised them they couldn't make a commercial where they said their food tasted good, was cheap, or wasn't the product of a heartless conglomerate that wants to fool you into thinking they're fun and friendly because, hey, suspenders! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:301228 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Advertising campaigns are reflecting diminshed expectations... Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 01:30:24 GMT References: <8l2h62$a7f$2@news1.Radix.Net> <8F75B1509doidyhead@209.30.0.14> <8l2mdg$fnc$1@news1.Radix.Net> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo2.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 52 "revjack" (revjack@radix.net) wrote: > > Am I the only one who reads the weekly restaurant closure > tally in the newspaper? The one where they name the > restaurant and why it got shut down by the health people, > like for "rodent infestation" or "overflowing sewage"? I would read that if they started illustrating it with wacky cartoons like the ones in the OSHA Fatal Facts newsletter showing people accidentally shooting their co-workers with nailguns. > Most of them seem to fall into three categories: > > 1) [critter] infestation > 2) toilets backed up > 3) no soap in the bathroom > > This last one nails SO many people. It's hard to nail a person with soap! Try a nailgun. You'll never get your picture in the newspaper if you don't. > I read it for the occasional oddities, like, "No personnel > on premises", or "Missing floor". So I take it the stuff Mike O. does in Taco Bell doesn't quite make the cut as far as this column goes. I wish the newspapers had more space so they could list every incident of someone spilling his imaginary Diet Dr Pepper on the counter. > They even descend on those roadside BBQ trucks. I'm a little > ambivalent about this; on the one hand, if I ever get food > poisoning and DIE, it'll prolly be from one of Smokey Joe's > sammitches. On the other hand, DAMN that's good BBQ. At Emerson College, the quilted silver snack truck that parked on Beacon Street got busted because they were actually a front for a loansharking operation. Sure, they kneecapped a few students, but when they broke a professor's leg that's when they got caught. That and the fact that they were parked directly in front of Campus Security for a few years doing this. Then after they vanished from that parking space, that's when the guy who would park his car there and masturbate moved in for a few days before the campus cops took him into the office, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. -- K. I forget whether this was before or after the Emerson hockey team trashed the school's only police car. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:301053 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Need a name for a gadget... Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Wed, 19 Jul 2000 08:19:11 GMT Nntp-Posting-Host: ppp0b164.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 21 Okay, the Web is now full of "meta-search engines". These are search sites which farm out requests to several other search sites, and then display a summary of the aggregated results. There are so many meta-searchers that some people have proposed (possibly in jest) "meta-meta-searchers" which would send queries to the meta-searchers, which would then send the queries to many search engines, and then you'd get a summary of the summary of the results. Suppose, hypothetically speaking, you had a tool which ran this process backwards. You start with a Web page and you want to know, "What queries could people do in this long list of meta-search and search engines which would then reach this page?" In other words, what should I call a backwards meta-meta-search? -- K. Also the thing can read other people's mail, but that wasn't part of the plan. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:301240 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Why Doesn't My Friend eat Gummy? Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 01:56:11 GMT References: <8F6E8DDA6browse0tron@207.211.168.82> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo2.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 36 "ren" (ren@netgoths.com) wrote: > > She won't even touch these FruitGushers:TropicalFlavors stuff. What's > wrong with plastic? It's not really plastic. It's just the stuff edible underwear is made from. Today Apple formally changed all the colors of their iMacs: old -> strawberry, grape, blueberry, lime, tangerine older -> bondi new -> ruby, indigo, sage, graphite, snow "sage", of course, is another word for "fishtank algae green", just like "bondi" and "blueberry". I mention this because, internally, Apple refers to these new, glossier colors as "gummi colors". The iMac now comes in gummi! Can a gummikrankenschwester iMac be far behind? It would sell big in Germany. And probably in Japan, too, but they'd have to change the name to something that sounds like English. -- K. I still want them to make computers with Silly Putty cases so that you can reshape them according to whether or not corners are allowed each year. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.dejanews.risks:8 alt.fan.dejanews:3464 alt.religion.kibology:301252 Newsgroups: alt.fan.dejanews,alt.religion.kibology,alt.dejanews.risks Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Deja's new 'x-no-productlinks: yes' header Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 02:27:05 GMT References: <1edx4i4.xri3lpafd929N@207-229-151-67.d.enteract.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo2.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Followup-To: alt.fan.dejanews,alt.religion.kibology Lines: 140 In alt.religion.kibology and alt.fan.dejanews, Jorn Barger (jorn@mcs.com) wrote: > > > Thank you for contacting Deja.Com Customer Support. > > Thank you for your recent e-mail concerning the new feature in Deja.com's > > Usenet Discussion Service that detects product names in Usenet messages > > and hyperlinks these names to related content in Deja.com's Precision > > Buying Service. "Precision Buying Service" is the prettiest obfuscation I've heard since NASA started almost admitting the Challenger exploded. > > These hyperlinks are not sponsored advertisements, but are simply > > pointers to other areas of Deja.com which we hope you will find > > relevant and helpful as you are reading Usenet discussions. So remember, although they tell you to BUY things through the "Precision BUYING Service", they're not ads. "They're not ads, they're just propaganda!" > > We are sorry that you are offended by this feature. I think they're lying about that. I bet that there is at least one employee of Deja.com who isn't sorry at all that they had to send you a form letter explaining why they're going out of their way to stick ads into other people's writings. I am sorry that Deja.com doesn't have a clue about respect for other people's creative efforts, respect for the intelligence of Deja.com's users, or respect for the intelligence of people to whom they send these bullshitty form letters. > > We do not believe that users of Deja.com will view the hyperlinks > > as being part of your message. Even though they're mixed in with the middle of the message. > > Rather, we believe users will understand that the content of the original > > Usenet posting has not changed, "We're not changing what you wrote, we're just adding lots of stuff to it that you didn't think to write!" Look --> "Four score and seven years ago," "Four score and SEVEN-UP years ago," It contains everything the original did, so it's even BETTER! > > and will appreciate that these hyperlinks are simply part of our > > continued efforts to make Deja.com a compelling way for users to > > discuss and learn about products Oh! So THAT'S the purose of reading alt.religion.kibology! We were supposed to be telling each other to buy stuff for all these years before Deja.com gallantly explained the purpose of the Internet to us! BY THE WAY, 7-ELEVEN'S "EL TACO" SUCKS. > > We know that users love to discuss and debate their favorite products and > > services on Usenet, and our new links provide seamless, one-click access (as opposed to those hyperlinks where you have to click them and then turn a large crank in the side of your computer) > > to additional information about the exact product being discussed - > > from specifications and features to user ratings and reviews. > > > > *Please bear with us during our roll-out of this feature. We are working > > to refine the process by which we generate these context-sensitive links > > in order to maximize their relevance to the products and services being > > discussed. If I wanted to say something relevant, I would have said it myself, pinhead. But thank you for your idiotic attempts to explain that I should like having advertisements inserted in what I write because the ads make my words MORE RELEVANT. > > We are providing these links to help users make the most of Deja.com's > > content offerings, and we hope that you will come to find them helpful. > > However, because we realize that some users would rather not have Deja > > display links to our Precision Buying Service content from product names > > mentioned in Usenet postings, we are currently in the process of > > implementing an "x-no-productlinks: yes" header which will suppress the > > generation of these hyperlinks on those messages. "In the process of implementing"? How long does it take to implement a "TURN THE CRAP OFF" switch? Has it occurred to anyone else that every other Usenet news server provides the ability to not see DejaNews's advertisements from the moment it comes out of the box? They're claiming they're struggling to implement an "off" switch for a feature they should never have considered adding in the first place. > > Deja.com also currently observes the "x-no-archive: yes" header, I am currently observing DejaNews's "smarter-than-a-fish: no" management. > > which prevents postings from being available on Deja.com. > > More information about using headers when posting > > through Deja.com is available at http://www.deja.com/help/help_pn.epl. For > > help on including headers when posting through other software or services, > > please refer to the help documentation for the software or service you are > > using to post Usenet messages. In addition, you may refer to the "self > > nuke" feature of Deja.com described at > > http://www.deja.com/help/faq_abuse.epl#nuke, which allows users to delete > > their messages which appear on Deja.com. I tried Deja's "self-nuke" button but it didn't work, Deja.com is still there. But it was really nice to give me the option of destroying my own articles to prevent Deja from putting ads in all the ones I wrote in the past. I hope they give me a similar option when Deja.com starts putting their ads in reruns of "The Dating Game". (I would love to be able to push the button that makes twenty-year-old "Dating Game" episodes vanish forever, because then I could watch an entire day of The Game Show Network in two and a half hours.) > > We appreciate your using our service at http://www.deja.com. Thank you > > again for your understanding. SHOVING SHARPENED PRETZELS UP YOUR NOSE INTO YOUR BRAIN IS GOOD. NOW THAT I'VE SAID IT, YOU UNDERSTAND IT. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TELL YOU THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE TWENTY DOLLARS YOU OWE ME NOW. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS LEGALLY BINDING. > > Please don't hesitate to contact us should you have any further questions. Remember not to hesitate! Be sure not to think about what you write before you write it. It would be terrible if you wasted your time carefully crafting your complaint before we threw it away. -- K. I really gotta finish a certain programming project I've been working on which will make some people here very happy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Xref: world alt.religion.kibology:301256 Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Path: world!kibo From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) Subject: Re: Deja's new 'x-no-productlinks: yes' header Sender: news@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself) Message-ID: X-Face: $T[.n?/D[sL]Jpd{Jp66*DCPkYZ-oSm9^Xw`v9eZeo`Bt?*2:Eag<1.o@h?wWD5J*]lxl Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 02:33:37 GMT References: <1edx4i4.xri3lpafd929N@207-229-151-67.d.enteract.com> <397370A2.19295EC4@my-deja.com.guacamole> <007f3f30.ed96970b@usw-ex0104-025.remarq.com> <8l095f$luj$1@nnrp1.deja.com> <0ce7e2cf.dfff4549@usw-ex0103-019.remarq.com> <0c276ee0.85a7693e@usw-ex0104-033.remarq.com> Nntp-Posting-Host: kibo2.std.com Organization: http://www.kibo.com X-Newsreader: Internet Text-Based Content Deployment System 1.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.6 Lines: 33 David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > Garamir (garamir@jps.net) wrote: > > > > So, when will they have a free news server that hosts /only/ a.r.k.? > > Ask Kibo. He saw it last. The big question is, would you folks be willing to use something which basically just lists all the recent articles without keeping track of which ones you've read on previous days, and which doesn't have filtering, or should I hold out until it has all the good stuff? Of course, the thing's already as good as DejaNews for reading articles, because DejaNews is a really, really, really, really lousy newsreader. Currently the main reason the thing hasn't been deployed is that it doesn't have any ability to post (adding that will entail adding facilities to authenticate people, passwords, accounts, that sort of thing) but I'm getting really tempted to open it up for people to try even though it's just a bare-bones read-only newsreader at the moment. Even though it only does that, the fact that it doesn't display a single banner ad, doesn't insert "relevant" links in other people's articles, doesn't rewrite their headers (Deja changes "Newsgroups:" to "Forums:", for instance), and doesn't take out all the line breaks would probably make it more worthwhile than DejaNews to a lot of people. -- K. Web-based news access is normally crappy, which is why I've wanted to wait for mine to have some non-crappy features before deploying it.