Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Sorry I've been too busy to see what you're up to... Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2000 08:35:55 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com I'm sorry I haven't had time to keep up with alt.religion.kibology lately. I'm not ignoring you intentionally, it's just that I've been very busy (a) fiddling with The-Election.com. You can see my last ill-founded opinion piece before the election at: http://www.The-Election.com/rants ...and hopefully there will be more afterwards, unless President Nader shuts the Internet down on his first day. (b) helping to set up Editorial Humor's charity benefit auction of original comic art (all proceeds go to National Braille Press to publish a Winnie-the-Pooh calendar in Braille, or as I like to say, "Feel The Pooh!") Details of the gala charity benefit (which includes dinner and announcement of the results of Editorial Humor's cartoon contest, at the top of the Prudential skyscraper) may be found at: http://www.CartoonContest.org (c) my computer got blow'd up. I haven't had time to fully configure the replacement computer yet. At least I got it unpacked. Parts of it even work. (d) my allegedly "high-speed" connection from the evil phone company has mysteriously dropped to LESS speed than an ordinary dialup modem. (e) I've been hired to write for a CD-ROM product, about which I don't want to say more because first I'd have to read the non-disclosure agreement in my contract and I don't have time to read alt.religion.kibology this week, let alone a contract. So you'll just have to wait until next year to find out what it is. (f) I'm working on two other secret projects which are so cool that I'm not even going to mention them here. So anyway, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to read all the good stuff here (or elsewhere, if there is any good stuff elsewhere) for the past two weeks, but it's been a busy time for me recently, and I'll probably remain busy for another week or two before my plate clears enough for me to resume regular participation. I'll try to post a few things in the meantime, but for now I can't promise to write very much in this space until things slacken... -- K. I tried to eat steak tartare last week, sorry you missed it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Kibo's 2000 election prediction -- hideously wrong, or just wrong? Date: Tue, 7 Nov 2000 01:43:20 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp As I do every four years, I have made some psychic predictions of the results of tomorrow's election: Dixville Notch -- 20% Bush, 10% Gore, 50% Nader, 0% Buchanan, 0% Hagelin, 20% Libertarian (!), 0% Kibo (People who live in notches are weird.) Popular vote -- 47% Bush, 48% Gore, 2% Nader, <1% Buchanan, <.5% Hagelin, <.5% Libertarian, <.1% Kibo Electoral votes -- 50% Bush, 50% Gore, 0% Nader, 0% Buchanan, 0% Hagelin, 0% Libertarian, 0% Kibo IT'S A TIE!!! EVERYONE LOSES!!! ...but I'm probably wildly off on all of those. (Especially the number of votes for me. I could still win.) My gut feeling is that the election may not be nearly as close as the polls would indicate (recent polls put Bush about a point ahead, with a ten bazillion point margin of error, because polls are made deliberately innacurate so as not to ruin the surprise of Election Day.) But I have no idea if the fact that Gore is reported being slightly behind will swing undecided voters in favor of supporting the underdog or the one the TV keeps telling them will win by one point. My suspicion is that Gore will get about half of the 3-5% of people who claim they're Nader supporters now but will get cold feet in the voting booth. (Nader is demanding they install foot-warmers.) I promise to pay everyone on the Internet a million billion zillion dollars if Hagelin gets more votes than EITHER Bush or Gore. Also, I'm not even sure whether this will be a record high or a record low turnout due to the close race between two unexciting candidates. I suspect we'll have a record low turnout, except in Dixville Notch, which always has a full turnout of those wacky Notchians each of whom has three Libertarian pamphleteers clinging to their ankles. By the way, ever wonder how they come up with the "5% margin of error" for all these polls the TV news does? Back in 1948, scientists did a study where they said to people, "This is a factory-sealed package of clean, mint-condition underwear, but over here we have a pair of briefs which have been soaked in a mixture of chocolate syrup and bubble gum. Which would you rather wear?" 95% of people chose the correct answer, but the other 5% preferred the icky underwear because they're stupid, or they didn't understand the question, or they were just trying to ruin the poll for everyone else. Thus, if 5% of people get it wrong when dealing with a subject as important as clean underwear, it's safe to assume that 5% of people don't answer telephone polls with care either. -- K. And don't forget, most people now claim to have voted against Nixon in 1972 when asked about that. Apparently the other guy won the election and nobody noticed. I keep wanting to conduct a phone poll which would ask, "For whom did you vote in 1972 -- Nixon or Hitler?" just to see how people get out of that one. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibo's 2000 election prediction -- hideously wrong, or just wrong? Date: Thu, 9 Nov 2000 00:04:33 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp I wrote (at 8:43 PM the day before the big annoying election): > > As I do every four years, I have made some psychic predictions of the > results of tomorrow's election: > > Dixville Notch -- 20% Bush, 10% Gore, 50% Nader, > 0% Buchanan, 0% Hagelin, 20% Libertarian (!), 0% Kibo > (People who live in notches are weird.) Wrong, wrong, wrong. Except that the dozen extremely elderly people who live in the notch and force all their neighbors to vote at 12:01 AM just so that the TV can show these folks slowly shuffling into and out of voting booths are still weird. > Popular vote -- 47% Bush, 48% Gore, 2% Nader, > <1% Buchanan, <.5% Hagelin, <.5% Libertarian, <.1% Kibo Absolutely, spectacularly right! Although the minor candidates were doing even worse than I expected. Last I heard, it was 48% Bush, 49% Gore, 2% Nader, 0% everyone else (rounded off, I assume.) I can't wait to see the real results. And to hear people whining for the next fifty years about how Gore REALLY won the election but the STUPID CONSTITUTION gave Bush the White House because of that them there dang ELECTRICAL COLLEGE. (I have actually heard people other than Homer Simpson say "the electrical college".) > Electoral votes -- 50% Bush, 50% Gore, 0% Nader, > 0% Buchanan, 0% Hagelin, 0% Libertarian, 0% Kibo > > IT'S A TIE!!! EVERYONE LOSES!!! EXCEPT ME! I WAS RIGHT SO I WIN!!!! -- K. President Of The United States On The Internet ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Kibo's 2000 election prediction -- hideously wrong, or just wrong? Date: Tue, 7 Nov 2000 10:01:54 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Wow, was I ever wrong about Dixville Notch. I guess the minor parties have given up their brilliant plan of taking over Dixville Notch as a first step to conquering America. Some states gave reported sending out record numbers of absentee ballot forms, which would suggest a record high turnout, so I was also wrong there. Later tonight we'll see how wrong I was about the main outcome. In case you missed it, my prediction was something along the lines of "It won't be nearly as close as the polls indicate, but it will be a tie." -- K. I still plan to vote even though here in Massachusetts I doubt there's any chance of one vote affecting whether the Democrats carry the state. At least I'll get to vote on that ballot question about whether they should tear down the dog track at Wonderland. That way, they could put the new Fenway Park there, freeing up space in my neighborhood for something more interesting, like another supermarket. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: The joy of misdirected E-mail. Date: Fri, 10 Nov 2000 07:22:54 GMT Reply-To: kibo@world.std.com Organization: HappyNet Headquarters Cool, I appear to have an army now. I was just sent an invoice for the Tanzanian People's Defence Force's order of 58,032 cans of beer (being shipped from St. Louis.) I wasn't even aware I was in charge of the Tanzanian army. I hope this beer lasts them a while -- even at twenty-five cents a can this adds up fast. -- K. Also, my army apparently likes Guinness, but only if it comes from St. Louis and not Ireland. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: reminder -- charity benefit & auction Saturday, 11/11, in Boston Date: Sat, 11 Nov 2000 02:17:05 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp For those of you in the Boston area only -- Just doing my charitable duty in reminding everyone that you can eat dinner with Kibo (and some cartoonists and rich art collectors) by giving a mere $75 to the charity of our choice (all money goes directly to the National Braille Press, to publish a Braille "Winnie-the-Pooh" calendar.) We're auctioning off about 50 original pieces of comic strip and editorial cartoon artwork and presenting the awards for Editorial Humor's cartoon contest at this gala buffet event where you will be plied with drink until you don't know WHAT you're bidding on! The event is on the observation deck ("Skywalk", 50th floor) of the Prudential tower (that's the skyscraper that doesn't throw windows at people, unlike its neighbor) so you can eat while looking down on the peons. The buffet-style dinner features a scrumptious dessert and drinks from the bar. And, it's not just a buffet, it's an all-you-can-eat buffet! The fun starts at 7 and lasts until 11. (Okay, it's only "all-you-can-eat-during-four-hours-then-you-have-to-stop.") As an added Kibological bonus, you will be directly upstairs from the Prudential Star Market which contains more insane people than any other supermarket mentioned on alt.religion.kibology! If you can't afford a signed "Zippy" Cartoon, you can always go down there and steal a "DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR" for Kibo to autograph! And! You have my personal guarantee that while you are at the top of the Prudential, it will NOT be dynamited as part of the Big Dig! Stare out towards the harbor and see buildings disappear before your very eyes as the holes get bigger and bigger! The auction catalog for this event will be a keepsake for generations to come as all those cartoons were drawn during that strange period of history when we didn't know whether Bush or Gore would be the next president, before this week's election settled it for once and for all! The cover of this catalog contains 30% recycled content -- which is why it's all specky -- but the inside is all-new! details are at http://www.CartoonContest.org although you shouldn't do the on-line registration this late, you should just show up at the door with a check for $75 (payable to National Braille Press.) There is a discount for couples, and for people under 18. (There is no discount for anyone who claims to be "half a couple".) Once again, that's Prudential Tower, Boston, 7:00 Saturday. -- K. P.S. I don't know who won the contest yet, but apparently it wasn't me. Something about being disqualified for being an employee, and for sending in a cartoon "drawn" on a flattened piece of Silly Putty. (The title was "Backwards Dick Tracy.")