Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: The joy of misdirected E-mail. Date: Fri, 10 Nov 2000 07:22:54 GMT Reply-To: kibo@world.std.com Organization: HappyNet Headquarters Cool, I appear to have an army now. I was just sent an invoice for the Tanzanian People's Defence Force's order of 58,032 cans of beer (being shipped from St. Louis.) I wasn't even aware I was in charge of the Tanzanian army. I hope this beer lasts them a while -- even at twenty-five cents a can this adds up fast. -- K. Also, my army apparently likes Guinness, but only if it comes from St. Louis and not Ireland. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: reminder -- charity benefit & auction Saturday, 11/11, in Boston Date: Sat, 11 Nov 2000 02:17:05 GMT Organization: welcome datacomp For those of you in the Boston area only -- Just doing my charitable duty in reminding everyone that you can eat dinner with Kibo (and some cartoonists and rich art collectors) by giving a mere $75 to the charity of our choice (all money goes directly to the National Braille Press, to publish a Braille "Winnie-the-Pooh" calendar.) We're auctioning off about 50 original pieces of comic strip and editorial cartoon artwork and presenting the awards for Editorial Humor's cartoon contest at this gala buffet event where you will be plied with drink until you don't know WHAT you're bidding on! The event is on the observation deck ("Skywalk", 50th floor) of the Prudential tower (that's the skyscraper that doesn't throw windows at people, unlike its neighbor) so you can eat while looking down on the peons. The buffet-style dinner features a scrumptious dessert and drinks from the bar. And, it's not just a buffet, it's an all-you-can-eat buffet! The fun starts at 7 and lasts until 11. (Okay, it's only "all-you-can-eat-during-four-hours-then-you-have-to-stop.") As an added Kibological bonus, you will be directly upstairs from the Prudential Star Market which contains more insane people than any other supermarket mentioned on alt.religion.kibology! If you can't afford a signed "Zippy" Cartoon, you can always go down there and steal a "DIVIDeR-DIVIDeR" for Kibo to autograph! And! You have my personal guarantee that while you are at the top of the Prudential, it will NOT be dynamited as part of the Big Dig! Stare out towards the harbor and see buildings disappear before your very eyes as the holes get bigger and bigger! The auction catalog for this event will be a keepsake for generations to come as all those cartoons were drawn during that strange period of history when we didn't know whether Bush or Gore would be the next president, before this week's election settled it for once and for all! The cover of this catalog contains 30% recycled content -- which is why it's all specky -- but the inside is all-new! details are at http://www.CartoonContest.org although you shouldn't do the on-line registration this late, you should just show up at the door with a check for $75 (payable to National Braille Press.) There is a discount for couples, and for people under 18. (There is no discount for anyone who claims to be "half a couple".) Once again, that's Prudential Tower, Boston, 7:00 Saturday. -- K. P.S. I don't know who won the contest yet, but apparently it wasn't me. Something about being disqualified for being an employee, and for sending in a cartoon "drawn" on a flattened piece of Silly Putty. (The title was "Backwards Dick Tracy.") ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: A suggestion for everyone in Washington. Date: Sun, 12 Nov 2000 08:50:17 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com Mr. Rogers is retiring from his TV show while we have no actual president! I suggest we stop with all the Gore vs. Bush claptrap and draft him. President Mister Rogers would make soothing, reassuring speeches that would make us feel good about ourselves, secure in the knowledge that the President knows each of us is very special. And in every speech he'd show us that not only can he say 'subliminal', we can say it too. "Can you say 'unimpeachable'? I knew you could. And I want you to know that you know that I knew you could. This proves you're a very special person." Also, instead of expensive meetings with foreign leaders he could just talk to some puppets wearing funny hats. And they'd all talk just like him except different. It would save money and teach valuable lessons about feelings. "Feelings are when you feel funny. But feeling funny isn't funny. Sometimes it's fun to feel funny. But I like you just the way you feel right now." -- K. At the charity auction of famous comic strips tonight, the auctioneer called for bids on Bill Giffith's "Ziggy". Mr. Rogers would not have done that. Mr. Rogers would only do what is right, what is nice, and what is really cheap to film. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Two more commercials which bother me. Date: Mon, 13 Nov 2000 08:33:06 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com #1: Remember those Rankin-Bass stop-motion Christmas specials from the sixties like "Frosty The Snowman" and "Rudolph's Shiny New Year"? Remember how all the little wooden people in them looked really creepy, with giant oblate heads which were smooth all over except for tiny beady little features? Well, there's a commercial for some sort of facial tissue where this little Rankin-Bass-like girl with an enormously wide wooden head with a tiny face in the middle tries a scratchy tissue and it irritates her nose, so her nose runs... to her chin... and then hides behind her ear. Really. The commercial shows a jerky, deformed child whose nose is attached in a different disturbing location every few seconds. Aaaaaaack! #2: An ad for "Men's Health" magazine promises me "HAVE GREAT SEX EVERY DAY UNTIL YOU DIE!" Oh, the places I could go with that one. -- K. I will repost this article next week after Al Gore oversees a recount of the two items. Currently stupid commercials have a two-to-zero lead over Mr. Gore. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Look at this Date: Tue, 14 Nov 2000 06:13:38 GMT Organization: http://www.kibo.com In every newsgroup in alphabetical order, "Almu23" (entrevistadora@wanadoo.es) spammed: > > Hello, finally I have decided to write you. They have just arrived me 2 = > T-shirt that I simply requested to open up a bill in the Caixa for = > internet, I have 2 videotape movies to Make a pact with the Devil" and A = > Perfect Crime." You shit!! It is necessary to take out profit of the = > internet boom and the promotions that make those companies to have many = > clients. > I have decided to make a web that recoga all the better information and = > all the gifts and you peel that we can take out. By the way, = > Consupermiso people not he/she believes that he/she pays, because it is = > certain, I have 5.160 ptas. in the Santander that me they sent 3 weeks = > ago for transfer, it is simply necessary to work the same as you would = > make it in another place.In short, for not being weighed, here you have = > the address of my web in the > one that I explain all the affiliation programs. At the moment already = > you can win if you you give hurry some T-shirt, some personalized visit = > cards, some pencils, the 2 movies and gifts that give us to play while = > we see its publicity. To what you wait! http://megapage.de/pelillasxred > > Chao and good look Darwin scared not bite wax tad pole electric nougat on the purple. -- K. NOW I HAVE A BRAIN OWIE!!!