Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: food that tastes as good as it looks Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 02:35:24 GMT Jacob W. Haller (spog@jwgh.org) wrote: > > One of the miracles of the modern Internet is that the elementary school > you went to may very well have its own crappy web page now! [...] Wow, so does mine! It's like the two of us just formed a fraternity! What should we call our secret society of people whose elementary schools didn't have lame Web pages in the 1970s? > And, of course, the reason I went to the trouble of figuring this out is > that I wanted to see if I could get support for my claim that they > served 'multi-purpose meat patties' there when I grew up. I'll take your word for it that those patties are why you turned out this way. > [...] > > -> SANDWICHES > -> > -> MONDAY - PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY > -> TUESDAY - PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY > -> WEDNESDAY - PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY > -> THURSDAY - PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY > -> FRIDAY - PEANUT BUTTER AND MARSHMALLOW > > At first I thought that this didn't show much creativity or variety, but > then I realized they could be using different-colored jelly each day of > the week. Or they could just put paprika on it some days and parsley flakes on other days. My elementary and high schools have a sort of a Web site now, although there are no menus or anything else interesting posted. My high school has gotten a logo (an X-ray of a tree with green roots and pink leaves) and their sports mascot -- a completely generic illustration of a Spartan, like all the schools that didn't go for "Wildcats" -- now has strange zebra stripes on his helmet. They still haven't done anything about the school's name, though, it's still "BH-BL High School". (It was formed from a merger.) There are few names less euphonius than "BH-BL", except if they were to change their name to "Designated Local High School Educational Process Unitization Sector X147 Dash J22 Stroke B Sub 74 Note Warning May Contain Multi-Purpose Meat Patties End Of Name End Of Name Tear Off Here." I can't determine which of my old teachers are still alive, although my high school does have the same principal it did when I graduated. Of course, she only started a few months before I graduated, because the previous principal got fired, something about child molestation (I never found out the real story.) But I'd like to know if some of the more wacko teachers I had (like the one who would throw a tantrum whenever someone said the word "snow") retired or just exploded during class. -- K. Or whether Mr. Hamilton ever finished a third side of his Rubik's Cube. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: food that tastes as good as it looks Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 21:26:55 GMT "f4c3411" (face411@hotmail.com) wrote: > > After reading this message from Kibo, I have informally and > conveniently denounced all former and future "ologies". I will now > study *only* kibology by snail mail correspondance courses. I await > my first package of Teriyaki Bites and multi-purpose meat patty > holders (analogous to corn holders, except shaped like multi-purpose > meat patties). Wait 'til you try to get a grip on the new Jell-O Holders. > I will display them proudly on the altar beside my Telly Savalas > pez dispenser and Eric Dolphy Memorial Picnic parking receipt. I don't know who Eric Dolphy is, but he has the dolphiest name ever, even more so than Dolph Lundgren or America's least-loved "Happy Days" character from the episode where they re-enacted "Star Wars", Dolph Molph. (I remember that when they tried to dub in the laugh track, the machine just moaned in agony when Obi-Wanzie said "May the SIT ON IT! be with you!") > [...] > > It does appear that my high school has hired a joint team comprised of > NSA and CIA operatives to organize the free lunch system, though: > > -> Fingerprint reader replaces school lunch money > -> > -> [...] > -> Welsh Valley, about 10 miles west of Philadelphia, began testing > -> the program in the fall to deal with slow lunch lines. > -> > -> "You don't have to bring lunch money. So, somebody can't take it," > -> said Tawanda Worthy, 13. > -> > -> Only a few of Welsh Valley's 700 children have declined to be > -> fingerprinted. "They think the FBI's going to get them or something," > -> said Kelly, the cafeteria manager. The ones who refused were worried that the FBI would get them if they were fingerprinted. And all the others went along with it because they KNOW that the FBI would get them if they refused to comply. > Perhaps this new technology will help track down common criminals like > the perpetrators who stole my peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich > that fateful Friday in 4th grade. Those bastards! I waited all week > for that gelatinized animal collagen goodness! Yeah, but if they tested a typical school lunch cafeteria hamburger bun for fingerprints, I don't think the fingerprint scanner would work, because those gadgets usually can't read gorilla fingerprints. I should patent the idea of a hamburger bun with several little raised bumps shaped like fingertips so that when the lunch lady mashes the top and bottom of the bun together (to fuse them to the meat patty) it would just smooth the bumps out resulting in a perfect-looking bun. This is why I like Krispy Kreme. Because they have a policy that if they ever accidentally put a fingerprint on any of their doughnuts, they go to doughnut jail. Which is inside the deep-fryer. As a result, Krispy Kreme employees are so scared that they have developed the ability to move doughnuts around the store with their mind. If you don't believe me, break into the back room and you'll see doughnuts floating through the air as the employees with deep-fried skin cower in the corner and wet themselves. -- K. There's no other explanation for why Krispy Kreme employees keep wetting themselves. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: food that tastes as good as it looks Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 21:03:46 GMT Jacob W. Haller (spog@jwgh.org) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > But I'd like to know if some of the more wacko teachers I had (like > > the one who would throw a tantrum whenever someone said the word "snow") > > retired or just exploded during class. > > When I was in my junior year of high school, my math class was taught by > an eccentric woman who was famous for going into rages if you touched > her colored chalk without permission or messed with the venetian blinds. > Although I never got to witness either phenomina. Because I was a GOOD > BOY back then. Mostly. Colored chalk is a weird symbol of authority in many classrooms. Sooner or later the kids will overthrow this regime when they point out that they have more colors of crayons than the teacher has of chalk. Also, in art class, the kids get to share seventy-four colors of ashtray glaze, but they're all the same two colors (avocado and teal), so they don't count. I did have one class (basic Spanish) where the teacher forced everyone to buy those four-color ballpoint pens (the really fat black/blue/red/green ones that were popular in the 1970s before all choices of pen color were forbidden by the pen cartels) because in our notebooks, we were required to write about verbs in green, nouns in red, adjectives in blue, and vocabulary in black. Of course, I've forgotten all the vocabulary, but I remember that VOCABULARY IS BLACK! VOCABULARY IS ALWAYS BLACK! Also there was a rumor that this guy once punched a kid in the face through a plate-glass window, and when he was absent for a day everyone heard that he cut off his hands with an old-fashioned push mower, but unfortunately he still had his hands when he came back. Still, he wasn't as scary as most of my foreign-language teachers, some of whom were really and truly evil. > And the teachers liked me and I liked them. Mostly. But! > > One day I showed up slightly late for class, or neglected to do my > homework, or something -- we'll say I was late to class. The teacher > said, "OOOOoooo, Jake's late for class! How unUUUsual!" > > I was in an uncharacteristically sullen and smart-alecky mood that day, > and I didn't really see what the big deal was, so I just sort of > shrugged in a noncommittal way. Shocked and delighted by my lack of > contrition, she said, "Maybe I should give you a detention!" She > appeared to be struck by the idea, and said, "You know, I could! Oooo! > I bet NObody has EVER given Jake a detention before!" The rest of the > class also seemed to be intrigued this possibility. > > In fact I had been given a detention in junior high school, also for > being late for class, but I had ended up never serving it. However, I > didn't feel like this was the time to bring that up. So I shrugged > again and said, "Yes, I suppose you could." This led to further > paroxysms of delight from the teacher. > > After another minute or so of this, she settled down, class was allowed > to continue, and I was allowed to not get a detention, which was fine > with me. One thing most kids never catch on to is that the teachers will tell you they're giving you detention, but they're too lazy to co-ordinate a list of Who Has Detention with the central office, so if you don't go to detention they don't find out and it won't go on your Permanent Record. Trust me, I know, because I'm reading your Permanent Record right now. The only things they ever put in it are dodgeball scores and that really embarrassing photo of you getting a wedgie during a water polo game where they got the waistband of your swim trunks pulled up over your head at the same time they pulled your swim cap down to your ankles. > Perhaps another time I will tell the cow bell story. Please do, or I'll give you SUCH A DETENTION! -- K. I bet nobody has ever given you a detention in the STICKY room before! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: food that tastes as good as it looks Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 06:26:38 GMT [regarding scummy food that schoolkids in Virginia are required to eat] "talysman" (talysman@globalsurrealism.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > "talysman" (talysman@globalsurrealism.com) wrote: > > > > > > and how come this teryaki bites? > > > > > > http://www.harrisonburg.k12.va.us/water/2-lunches/teryaki-bites.jpg > > > > [...] doggie treats [...] > > > > There is also a bigger, prettier version of the same one: > > > > http://www.harrisonburg.k12.va.us/water/2-lunches/beef-teraki.jpg > > > > Maybe one is an entree and another is a buffet for two, or something. > > although bigger and prettier, the beef teryaki bites are specifically > identified as beef. the plain teryaki bites are probably rat or hamster. > > "OH NO! lunch lady doris killed hamtarro!" Hamtaro would probably be nice and plump and juicy because he's so chubby because in Japan anything cute is bloatedly obese. (Just think about Hello Kitty's head.) I suspect that Lunch Lady Doris is probably cooking up something chewier, like an antique straitjacket from when Houdini escaped from a tank of extra-salty water in 1924 and then let his salt- soaked straitjacket dry draped over the radiator in the sun for 75 years. (And for seasoning, she throws in a couple of the Edmonton Oilers' salty fight straps.) > since the teryaki teryaki bites are pictured alongside the orange > cup, it's possible this is the breakfast version of the legitimate > beef bites. (those wishing to use "legitimate beef", etc. etc.) > since only poor kids get to eat breakfast at school, you can feed > them stuff you aren't allowed to feed even the ordinary gradeschool kids. And thus, those aren't even real oranges. They're probably galls from an old oak tree, soaked in a mixture of orange dye and clear lye until they soften up or at least become biologically inactive. And instead of mashed potatoes, the breakfast version would come with a big bowl of that dust from the bottom of the Cheerios box, although it wouldn't even be real Cheerios, it'd come from a special all-dust 55-gallon drum of Diseasios or something. > > [...] > > > > What is that dirty, prolate item next to the slurry? My guess > > is that it's some clown's attempt to make a balloon-animal bacillus. > > whatever it is, it has to be a mistake. it's a larger food portion > than anything else on the menu. perhaps it's an ACTUAL bacillus, > shown here as a size comparison. Maybe it's a bacillus that swelled up to giant size when it was infected by some tiny, sleazy bacilli from the plate of goo. The little bacteria that infect big bacteria in the school cafeteria to give you diarrhea. Ladies and gentlemen, that was the first rap song about the wonders of your local elementary school cafeteria's cheese stuffed shells. Please buy all my other albums too. WORD TO YOUR LUNCH LADY! > we have to be fair to the school, however. they did show one food > item that looks pretty appetizing: > > http://www.harrisonburg.k12.va.us/water/2-lunches/packed-lunch.jpg > > (box does not contain actual bears) > > children, please be aware that not everyone gets a genuine coca cola > polar bear product placement lunchbox. some of you may have to make > do with a sailor moon or G I Joe lunchbox. if you have unfortunate > parents who have gifted you with a lunchbox for babies, like a barney > box, or even worse, a lunchbox without a cartoon character on it, > you can always pretend that it's your dumb sister's lunchbox because > you are afraid to bring your REAL lunchbox, since it's cooler than > cool! it has a picture of NEKKID PEOPLE on it! being chased by KITT > from "Knight Rider"! My lunchbox is cooler than yours because mine IS the original KITT from "Knight Rider". I just have to lift my computerized wristwatch to my lips and say "KITT, get in here, I need my Junior Juice box!" and he smashes through the wall, runs over all the kids who tease me, and gives me my choice of any of the TWO juice boxes stored in his refrigerator. Also, the other thing that makes my real KITT cooler than your pretend KITT is that the voice of mine is not just done by "St. Elsewhere" star William Daniels, it's done by "Galactica 1980" special guest star William Daniels, while wearing clown makeup in the same room as Wolfman Jack and a Cylon Centurion and some guys with flying invisible time-travelling motorcycles. If only I had one of those motorcycles I could fly back to the year 1979 and win big money by starting a betting pool with the other kids about what the secret twist ending of every "Galactica 1980" episode would be! But alas, there are few other uses for my encyclopedic knowledge of "Galactica 1980". Even if I could travel back in time to the set of "Match Game '80" it wouldn't help me because most of their questions were about stupid stuff, not "Galactica 1980". > hmmm... I took a peek at the lunch menu for september: > > http://www.harrisonburg.k12.va.us/foodsvc/elem.html > > it looks like on september 21st, the waterman elementary school kids > get "Manger's Menu" for lunch. yum! alfalfa and black buttered goat > custard! my favorite! Why does this seem like a "Letterman" episode from "The Electric Company", only with a "wanger" in it? Am I the only one who ever noticed that the "Letterman" cartoons had porno-movie music AND the voice of Joan Rivers? Brrrrrrrr! BAD COMBINATION! -- K. I liked Dom DeLuise as the Spellbinder, although for some reason after "The Electric Company" he skipped both "Galactica 1980" and "Knight Rider" and went directly to "seaQuest". But at least they kept him in a plastic bubble so he couldn't change any letters into other letters, although somehow he escaped to do "The Skateboard Kid" and "Baby Geniuses". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: food that tastes as good as it looks Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 20:13:00 GMT Stacia (stacia@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > "talysman" (talysman@globalsurrealism.com) wrote: > > > > > > what, pray tell, is a taco patty? > > > > Looks like [description], probably with some [ingredients] on it to > > make it as [string of adjectives] as school cafeteria food ever gets. > > It's got to be better than the taco patty puck offered by Burger King. > Our local BK has diversified into some sort of strange new restaurant and > it now offers on its 99-cent menu "2 Crunchy Tacos". These tacos are > smashed corn shells which look as though they contain fake cheez > shreddings and a coffee filter. When the smashed shell is opened, you > find a fake m33t hockey puck. They're even more disgusting than they > sound. This is why I like Taco Bell's little tacos. Because you would never find a meat patty in one no matter how hard you looked. There's no room for a meat patty underneath all that orange goop. Also, I order mine without cheese, which means they have to put in twice as much lettuce, so I get a free salad with every taco. Apparently the procedure is to put in the orange goop, then the cheese, then fill it to the top with lettuce. So the cheeseless tacos are 95% lettuce and 5% goop. I used to occasionally be given tacos where they'd put in tomatoes or sour cream in place of the cheese without telling me, but in the past few years it's always been just extra lettuce instead of surprise ingredients that wouldn't be in a normal Taco Bell taco. (Tomatoes and sour cream are only supposed to be in the deluxe ones.) At the prototype of the futuristic "Demolition Man"-style Taco Bell in Burlington, before they took out all the touch-screen computers and put the human employees back, you could add all sorts of random toppings to your tacos, such as purple onion. Sadly, that world of the future never arrived, and there are no longer touchscreens asking what you would like inserted into your taco in place of cheese. > To complete the meal of disgustingness, you can also get at BK a faux > ice cream treat called "The Love Shake". Why this was introduced in > August, I do not know, but it's a shake with chunks of chocolate covered > cherry candies mixed in. The color is indescribable, as is the > consistency, unless you're a woman who has experienced Female Troubles. > But I shan't elaborate further. > I'm not sucking that shake up with a straw. Shake like this don't get > sucked. I've always wondered what would happen if Mike O. wandered out of Taco Bell into a Burger King or McDonalds and ordered a super-size shake and then shook it really hard so that the pink sludge flew all over everything and everyone, and then he said "Hey, it SAYS 'shake' right on it!", would that be pathetic or just stupid? I miss Mike O. and his imaginary tales of childish attempts at minor terrorism against food he paid for. > [...] > Or the green, blue, and purple meat I got for Thanksgiving Dinner in > high school. I pissed off the principal by taking him the meat on a fork > and showing it to him and asking him if he really wanted me to eat his > meat. Hah. He said the amazing technicolor dream meat was really the > product of USDA dye - it was true, you could read some of the words > printed on the meat - and it was all food grade and therefore edible. > I didn't eat his meat. I bet you don't eat enough pork rinds. -- K. Someday I need to buy a dozen pork roasts and make a whole meal out of just the purple parts. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Japanese Kibo 1-year delay Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 07:44:16 GMT In sci.space.station, Peter Altschuler (altschuler@adelphia.net) wrote: > > Due to budget problems within Japan, the Japanese Kibo module is being > delayed for launch by one year. As a result, NASA will change the launch > sequence of other components to the station. Dammit! I knew I should have donated all those millions of dollars to the Japanese space program instead of just buying advertising on the ass of Lance Bass's space suit. And he's not going into orbit because he spent his entire budget on having genuine American hair care products sent to the Russian space camp where he was training. Now my beautiful module isn't going to be launched on time, and Lance Bass is just going to be sitting on my ads here on Earth, where nobody will see him! > [...] > > I think this is actually a blessing in disguise. It gives the U.S., Russia, > and the European partners more time to catch-up on the rest of the station, > which is already falling behind schedule. I thought it was supposed to be falling behind Ayers Rock. Or did they forget to aim for Australia this time? -- K. I hope the space station is taking anti-terrorist precautions today in case anyone tries to crash an airplane into it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: New Washing Machine Arrives! Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 20:02:03 GMT Dag Right-square-bracket-gren (d@c3.cx) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Dag Right-square-bracket-gren (d@c3.cx) wrote: > > > > > > When I took my clothes out of it, I also found a small plastic > > > letter B, from the neighbour's door. > > > > I would like to know the backstory with regards to the reasons you were > > attempting to wash your neighbor's house in your washing machine. > > No, see, the letters on the neighbour's appartment door had been falling > off one by one. It used to say "Kevin" - in Swedish-speaking Finland, > this is actually a last name, and is pronounced something like "cheveen", > but the letters fell off one by one, and then they put them back but now > it said "Isbom" and then THOSE letters started falling off, and after they > were all gone, we hoped there'd be a third wacky name there, but they just > put "Isbom" up there again. Yes, but... how did the letters fall into your washing machine? And where did the others go? Did they dissolve in new Swedish Finnish Tide With Extra Whitening Action And A Side Of Lefse? Do you get Tide there? Here in the U.S., all detergent is made by one and a half companies -- their names are "Procter" and "Gamble" -- and they make all the lettering on the boxes so big that they can't fit more than one syllable -- Tide, All, Fab, Biz, Duz, Cheer, Bold, Wisk, and so on. Some of those may have changed their name to other one-syllable names, I don't know. There used to be one named Dreft, which is not only a nonsense word, but also a rather ugly-sounding one to me (it's like "dreck" plus "bereft") but it was probably renamed as one of the ones with a trendy, ultra-modern name like Fab. -- K. I suspect that Swedish Finland gets a mixture of Bold and Wisk named Bork. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Taco Bell update Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 20:42:23 GMT I recently said that Taco Bell had not yet outdone the Taco Patty and Taco Tub items from that disgusting elementary school lunch menu. Well, now they have. They just showed me a TV commercial for "THE CHEESE EXTREME QUESADILLA!!!" It is from "THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF FLAVOR!!!" and it has "TASTE TO DIE FOR!!!" It's one of those commercials where they tried to make it seem like a parody of movie trailers for no particular reason, except that they wanted to tell you that their new product HAS A STUPID NAME AND WILL KILL YOU!!! They keep saying it has "FOUR-DEE FLAVOR!!!" as if this will make Madame L'Engle fans and Robert Lansing fans run right over to try it. Apparently they figured out how to extrude tesseracts, possibly using a five-dee Play Doh Fun Factory With New Polytopic Doh. Otherwise, it's just two flour tortillas (the extra-stale Taco Bell kind) with Velveeta between them. Except they don't call it "Velveeta" because people find Velveeta to be gross and downscale because it's an indeterminate kind of cheese made from mixing various leftover cheeses, so Taco Bell says it's a super-swanky blend of four cheeses. (It's not as if your mouth can count the number of kinds of yellow that have been melted together and mixed with the artificial flavoring.) Anyway, if you're interested in food where the only selling point is that it's named after a topological impossibility, go to Taco Bell and demand a four-dimensional Cheese Extreme Quesadilla. -- K. Then, jump out the window and land in Joshua Tree National Forest! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Taco Bell update Date: Thu, 12 Sep 2002 06:18:10 GMT Gregory King (greg@flyingpawn.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > They just showed me a TV commercial for "THE CHEESE EXTREME QUESADILLA!!!" > > It is from "THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF FLAVOR!!!" and it has > > "TASTE TO DIE FOR!!!" [...] Taco Bell says it's a super-swanky > > blend of four cheeses. > > I think it was last year that Taco Bell started selling the Chicken > Quesadillas. [...] > > So I was intrigued by the possible flavors of this four cheese > quesadilla. Sure, no meat, but I figured it might be even tastier, with > the four cheeses and all. I went to Taco Bell and immediately noticed > that the sign said "Three Cheeses and Nacho Cheese Sauce". Uh oh. A > cheese-like ingredient that is not an actual cheese is rarely a good > sign. But I had come with a purpose, so I got my Cheese Extreme > Quesadilla and some more reliable food to go along with it. > > Unfortunately, it turns out that my suspicions were entirely correct. > Instead of a flavor explosion that bends the rules of space and time, all > I got was a tortilla full of CHEEZ. Bleagh. Was that a "technicolor yawn" involving a new primary color you can only see if you have a third eye? > It's not that I'm upset or surprised that Taco Bell made an inferior > product. I just don't understand why instead of just removing the most > expensive ingredient from an already proven product, they took the extra > step and made it taste ten times worse. Don't worry, they can still go further. Next month one of the four cheeses will be replaced by Pepsi Blue. So, it's not hard to understand why Pepsi Blue (with its nutmeg plus used bubble gum flavor) turned out to be almost as vile as a mixture of Dr Pepper and Moxie, namely because it tastes exactly like a mixture of Dr Pepper and Moxie. But the big question is, why is the Pepsi Blue logo lettered in this bizarre, inappropriate, and amateurish-looking attempt at heavy metal lettering that would usually be drawn in ballpoint pen on Beavis and/or Butthead's forearm? Maybe it is appropriate, because this soda is colored with blue ballpoint pen ink, and it does taste metallic. Fun fact: Pepsi says that Pepsi Blue has the same amount of caffeine as regular Pepsi, but more carbonation. The fizz is probably intended to mask the awful flavor of this new blue disaster. Also, when do we get Pepsi Yellow, Pepsi Puce, and Pepsi Gray? -- K. I hope Apple doesn't merge with Pepsi. Then they'd sell Pepsi Blue Dalmatian, which would taste bad but with a light twist of dog. Pepsi Flower Power might be good, though, because it would taste just like Psychedelic Pez. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: what's your iq? Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 22:19:59 GMT Followup-To: alt.duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh In sci.physics, "tj Frazir" (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) wrote: > > Einstien was my dad 1/2 ,,uncle sam was my mom . Einstiens genes 8 foot > tall with a 16 pound brain. I don't think you're 8 feet tall. I never did believe you even when you said were only 7 feet 230 inches tall. I am still waiting for you to prove it by showing me a photograph of yourself. (Note: Typing the word "photograph" is NOT a photograph. Photographs are things that come from cameras.) However, yes, I do believe that the rocks weigh 16 pounds. > Billions of usd and evryone still thinks im stupid. Not EVERYONE. Just people who have read at least one of your articles. However, this could be corrected if you'd just buy yourself a prime-time TV special. After all, Dora Lee Hall did, and look what it did for her career! You could be the next Dora Lee Hall! > My girl friend shows me how my boat works best evry day ! Like > I got it at K mart and Im still green after 25 years at sea. > When she gets back off the bridge I just turn the ship back in its > corect heading and make way. I got off the boat last week or so , > people think I'm big and stupid . I still don't believe you're big. > An idian from the mountains that big cant be too smart . I allways donate > te bible ,,back. I never do what they would do If they were me. > An IQ test is the preception of the sandards I should mesure up to. So have you been using a belt sander or rotary sander on your brain? > Or is it just the gage the test maker used to mesure his sanity ,,by yours. > An intelegent person don't nead the opinion of an IQ I don't think your IQ even counts as an opinion. (Most opinions contain at least two digits.) -- K. And now, some documentary evidence! Watch him grow! ////////// EXCERPTED HIGHLIGHTS /////////////////////////////////////////// From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: USA did not go to moon. Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2001 12:22:30 -0500 (EST) And as for your spamyou send me Im not considerd a small man. I always said I was a freak. Im 460 lb 2% body fat at 8 foot tall. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: The Gods active force. Date: Sun, 31 Mar 2002 00:50:13 -0500 (EST) The 8 foot allian 460 lb sea man is not to happey about the rate of God going into your heads . From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: Alternate theory. Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2001 23:34:09 -0500 (EST) Gods active force maintains the universe ( do you know how hard typing is with hands 14 inches long ? Im allmost 8 Ft tall at 460 and must sharpen nails to a point to type ! My feet are webed and all my things are custom made. My foot is 20 inch ! From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: 4 Kenall Jhon Smithfield Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2001 09:34:13 -0400 (EDT) Yep And Im still taller than you !!! From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: If the nucleus .Copyright Infringement Notice.. Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2001 21:56:41 -0400 (EDT) I duck when I go to the mall . The doors are only 7 foot. Im 8 . Remember that ! And 460lb. OK 480 lb. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: Selling Whale engine 7 CO Nazgul Date: Sat, 28 Apr 2001 12:46:05 -0400 (EDT) Then Isit and lauph about how tuff I was and the look in the kids eye as a 8 foot captin puts his skateboard sise foot down. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: JeffMo's Challenge, spelled out for all to see<-- Wrong Forum Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 03:10:18 -0400 (EDT) shit I m 8 foot and have thrown mariens and sailers threw bar walls . Dont go there . some fool shot me once with a 38 on the streets of nyny. I hung him with his tie . From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: Reality: Can We Understand It Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 00:26:07 -0400 (EDT) From the sea not a space man . Not an english man . The call me the giant ( TJ) because im 8 foot tall 460 lb with hair 4 foot long. I biuld ships to pay fr more ships . Im Dale Fraser. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: Whale Physics ( pics inside ) Date: Sun, 27 May 2001 13:24:10 -0400 (EDT) Tom was 7 foot. Im 8. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: MOTION Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 01:19:35 -0400 (EDT) If I stood up in your house Id be in the attic . 8 foot. The cops would shot and run ! Or the basment ( 460 lb ) . Have 20 inch feet. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: OH well Pic of me 8 foot Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 18:49:25 -0400 (EDT) Im standing starbord top next to the small dude ( hes 6 foot ) that big thing next to him is me . 8 foot 460 lb From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: To Tj, Smart, Stewart, and SpacedMan Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 22:33:01 -0400 (EDT) sorry about the little one ( kid ) s. I have 4 grown ups now 3 girls and a boy. they are normal not 8 foot , but tall, One of my grand kids ( 3) is big His nic is galiath. Im up from 460 to 485 for the month. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Whats next and why. Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2001 21:30:31 -0400 (EDT) Mom and Dad spoke rushhen/chinease a cristain faimly from the oldest unchaging place on earth. The became rich but could not have kids so let Ienstine and the ford foundation make me. Im an exsact duplicut of henery ford but am 8* tall. Ear to ear is 14 inches . From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Modivation = Dreams in motion Date: Sat, 13 Oct 2001 13:51:22 -0400 (EDT) First observation is my size . Im 8 feet tall about 499 today . Look Just like heney ford but inlarged. Hair off his brush match dna with mine . From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: Brain Damage Suffered from knock Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2001 23:46:59 -0400 (EDT) Im 8 foot Mark , I bump my head when planes fly by. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: alt.sci.physics.new-theories Subject: Re: Here are pics of me 8 foot tall Date: Sat, 10 Nov 2001 17:56:43 -0500 (EST) Dad is 7 foot 3 Im 8 foot . From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Will connected butain lighter Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2001 09:22:16 -0500 (EST) Besides you saw me on TV once in a Arplane comidy , Im the 8 foot tall dude that spit the Banana out . I drink Banana juce all the time . They didnt show my head , but you could tell it was me , Im 8 foot tall From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Sound Used To Torture People still in county jails Date: Sat, 1 Dec 2001 23:12:39 -0500 (EST) They stil do use sound by slaming doors to keep imates from sleeping . Wake them up evry 20 min by slaming doors all night . Thats what the gards did in nam , keep you awake. Keep a bright light on you 24,,7 and slam doors should you fall asleep. Beside ceep you hungry and beat the fck out of you twice a month . But somhow I had a good time ,,eh eh it made reaching out and touching some one so rewarding. The terror in the gukes eye when he realises he ne kne whangchang . At 8 foot its like throwing a fit in a camp full of migets From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Physics Uncle Fails Date: Mon, 28 Jan 2002 21:35:08 -0500 (EST) Im 8 foot tall 460 lb . Put that way punk. Al want to show of his small dick , in his last post he said he has *8 inches ,,,well I have 4 inches,,but some girls like them that wide. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Future propulsion Date: Thu, 2 May 2002 21:51:58 -0400 (EDT) No smoke no dope and am *8* tall PICS inclused. dont drink . My girlfriends can run amuck I dont care. Im so stress free and laid back birds land on me . From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Protecting our physics department. Date: Tue, 27 Aug 2002 18:01:08 -0400 (EDT) Im 8 foot and can pop yor brains out like a zit. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Protecting our physics department. Date: Tue, 27 Aug 2002 21:39:53 -0400 (EDT) I was 18 when I kicked BruceLee . I was shorter and still noaney , it was fun an just because evryone in HK looked up at me . It wasn't trick photo , Im that tall ,,,but light dont realy bother me LOL . I was 7 foot 230 . now 8 , 460 and run 5 a day at 44. I run the mile in 4 m 36 s . And I pack a big 44 350 gr 14 inch. If I dont like ya I tell ya From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Gods active F at center of E beond mans mind Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 18:47:20 -0400 (EDT) My problem was wen usn toulk blood . My type is x . unknown . dna said unrelated , doc said his webed feet and tooth count and dna was unknown Im 8 feet tall but dont suffer from giantism . Im the other earth man , Im big foot. From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Can I put murcury in the freezer? Date: Sun, 1 Sep 2002 23:58:38 -0400 (EDT) Thats how ailans make ufo. Im 8 feet tall ! From: tj Frazir (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) Newsgroups: sci.physics Subject: Re: Don't put head in a rag yet Date: Sun, 8 Sep 2002 18:04:40 -0400 (EDT) You dont have to wait long. Its next weekends entertainment in the states ,,watchh sadom get killed on TV ! Dont be supprized if the meanest carnevore from the canadian mountains 8 foot tall 460 lb solid walks up to you unoticed . ////////// END EXCERPTED HIGHLIGHTS /////////////////////////////////////// P.S. I'm 9 feet tall and my feet have an IQ of 3000. Also, scientists said my blood type is "awesome". ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.math,sci.logic,sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: zero divisor undefined in Naturals [...] Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 06:16:29 GMT Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.math, sci.logic, and sci.physics, "Archimedes Plutonium" (a_plutonium@dtgnet.com) wrote: > > Well Joe, I don't have all my ducks in a row yet. I hate that expression > "ducks in a row" and wonder about a better one. How about all of my > carbonated water glass bottles in a row. Nay, someone ought to come > up with a modern day version of that expression ducks in a row. How about "Archie's a few ducks short of a row"? -- K. Are they allowing you to drink carbonated water now? I'm surprised, unless the doctors installed a new valve to keep your head from overinflating. But even so, I don't believe you're allowed to have glass bottles, or even a bendy straw for your juice box. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.materials,sci.physics,sci.math,alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Theory of Knife Edge (Maximum Cutting) Re: modernize the tool industry by serrated cutting edges on nearly all tools so one never needs to sharpen Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 06:41:24 GMT Followup-To: alt.sci.physics.plutonium In sci.engr, sci.materials, sci.physics, and sci.math, "Archimedes Plutonium" (a_plutonium@dtgnet.com) wrote: > > [...] I have some aluminum sheets that are radius thickness just > slightly thicker than foil. The edge is a straightedge with no serrates. > And I can run my fingers along the edge with no cuts. When I use a > serrated scissors to cut the sheets leaving a serrated indentation > I no longer am able to run my fingers along the edge without getting cut. It's not scientific unless the experiment is replicated many times. Please keep seeing if you can cut yourself, until your fingers are worn down to stumps. Then post proof that you've cut yourself to ribbons in the name of science. (It doesn't even have to be a photo -- just type like "tj Frazir" for a while and we'll believe you've lost your fingers.) Of course, it would be a terribly tragic thing for you to lose the use of your fingers, but surely your special kind of science is more important than a few little fingers. Besides, they might grow back. You won't know until you do the experiment. You are the only scientist who is courageous enough to try to prove his special cutlery theories through self-mutilation. You're the Jocelyn Wildenstein of science! -- K. Also, have you considered that a serrated edge is just a series of straight edges? Adding tiny zigzags on the little zigzags on the big zigzags would create an infinitely jagged fractal. By your theory, a fractal edge would be the sharpest, and because the coastline of England is a fractal, England should have a dangerous edge, and it doesn't, although I urge you to prove me wrong by rubbing England all over your body. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: A scary surprise from the weird food store... Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 07:22:40 GMT Two new food products. Can you guess which one I bought today, and which one doesn't really exist? 1.) A bag of Treasure Flavour Food Co. Ltd.'s FISHSKIN GOOBER! 2.) The exact opposite of Hamburger Helper... HAMBURGER HITLER! Hint: Nazis make the fake one, Commies make the disturbingly real one. You guessed right! I have Fishskin Goober! Unless you guessed wrong, in which case, you're worse than Hitler even if you contain more hamburger. FISHSKIN GOOBER IS REAL! And if you don't believe me, well, I paid a whole ninety-nine cents and I wouldn't have done that if it had been an imaginary product! My shiny chartreuse bag of Fishskin Goober came from Guangzhou (which used to be spelled "Canton" until the Chinese realized they had been spelling it wrong all those years) and has precious little English on the front of the bag (except for "FISHSKIN GOOBER" in giant wacky letters) but the company's Web site explains in more detail: -> Treasure Flavour Food means dalicious and healthy.And tasling -> is believing...... I have not yet tasled my Fishskin Goober. Also, I think my goober might be broken, because the bag rattles when I shake it. Must have been one big goober before someone dropped it. Perhaps a goober the size of a canteloupe, with fish skin an inch thick. They are apparently the result of China's secret program to cross-breed peanuts and fish. Fish with way too much skin, so much skin that some of it migrates onto nearby peanuts. And it'll possibly jump onto my face if I open the bag. There is no way I am opening this bag to let this fishskin out of the bag I bought it in. I would tell you what the ingredients of Fishskin Goober are, but to make the package legal for sale in the U.S., the importer covered up the ingredient list with a nutritional information sticker. And it's held on with some super-strong glue, possibly Fishskin Goober Glue, so now we will never know because I ain't tasling this. So, in closing, let me just say... FISHSKIN GOOBER! FISHSKIN GOOBER! HAMBURGER HITLER! FISHSKIN GOOBER! -- K. Made from the best part of the fish... the scales! ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Broken stencil font in the news. Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 10:04:38 GMT Brian 'Jarai' Chase (bdc@world.std.com) wrote: > > [...] I've always thought Kibo's prejudice against serifless fonts > was a bit irritational. It's especially irrational because I don't even HAVE a "prejudice against serifless fonts". I've drawn some of them, I print things using many of them, and I only read my E-mail and alt.religion.kibology in them. I have several on my screen right now. I have them all over my business cards. Where did you get that silly idea? I just think that the world of graphic design would be vastly improved if a moratorium was called on the use of two specific sans-serifs, Helvetica and Arial. There are tens of thousands of other, better sans-serif fonts out there. Whenever anyone uses one of those two (which are among the fonts included with every computer, every printer, every Web browser, etc.) it's usually a sign that someone isn't even trying to make anything look good. It usually means someone couldn't even find the "Font" menu, or didn't think about choosing something that looked good or was comfortable to read. I have absolutely nothing against (to name a few) Futura, Univers, News Gothic, Franklin Gothic, Syntax, Charlotte Sans, Lucida Sans, Avenir, Ocean Sans, Myriad, Meta, Kabel, Frutiger, Optima, Radiant, Folio, AG Old Face, Alternate Gothic, Claude Sans, Delta, Gill Sans, Nobel, Hermes, Gothic #13, and the zillions of other sans-serifs suitable for printing text or headlines, quite a few of which look as good or better than Arial and Helvetica, and all of which are used only about .0001% as often as Arial and Helvetica. Helvetica was a nice design before it was printed on every single piece of printed matter since 1985, but Helvetica and Arial have had their interestingness completely destroyed by being the default fonts on most computers, and because most people cannot tell apart fonts in vaguely similar styles, the ease of access to the overused two fonts has caused people to avoid the ones like Univers. (Much the same way that easy access to Times Roman and Times New Roman has caused the Caslons and Baskervilles to become rare.) Univers (which is similar to Helvetica, but with better spacing, better stroke contrast, and clearer distinctions between similar letters) was common as a text font until the Apple Laserwriter was introduced in 1985, and then, bang, Univers became rare, and Helvetica was everywhere. (And laser-printed Helvetica is really hard on the eyes.) Even the best graphic designer can't typeset everything in one specific kind of fonts. Serif fonts, sans-serif fonts, script fonts, and many other styles are appropriate or even necessary for various tasks. However, when something is printed in Arial or Helvetica, it's very likely that no actual designer was applied to that project. Almost anything containing those two can be massively improved just by switching to a more interesting sans-serif. Most of the others are either more interesting-looking, or have greater legibility, or have greater readability (those are not the same thing.) The world has been given 50,000 crayons. I'm not asking that they throw 25,000 of them away. There's thousands of good ones in that half of the box! I'm just saying that many people never seem to find the 49,998 crayons behind the two boring gray ones in the front. It would be no great loss to humanity if those two crayons fell behind the radiator and melted, leading people to actually make design decisions. Or, for a different silly analogy, imagine if most movies starred William Shatner and Barbara Bain, and every once in a while you could glimpse one of 49,998 other actors. So I have nothing against sans-serifs, it's just that two of the dullest ones have become so overused that they give bad designs a tedious blandness. I really like some of the others. Is that what you meant to say I said? -- K. Oh, and I really detest "MS Comic Sans", which is not comic and is not even a sans, but just a REALLY atrocious attempt at doing something that looks like a blurry, smoothed-out version of sloppy lettering representing some non-artist's idea of what a comic-book artist's letting would be. It's a bad design which manages to be simultaneously too sterile in some ways and too sloppy in others, and it has an "a" that looks too much like an "o". As handwriting fonts go, it's one of the very worst, and oh-so-overused because it comes free with Microsoft Internet Explorer. NOTE TO AMATEUR DESIGNERS: THE FONTS THAT ARE INCLUDED WITH INTERNET EXPLORER ARE NOT TEXT FONTS! (Microsoft apparently thinks Web pages are circus posters.) ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Broken stencil font in the news. Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 02:09:17 GMT "talysman" (talysman@globalsurrealism.com) wrote: > > [...] I had a vague recollection of a kibo rant about people who use > serif fonts when they should use sans serif and vice versa. also, I > knew about the specific kibo hatred of arial and ms comic sans, > although I thought he liked helvetica (perhaps because when he > mentions arial, he condemns it as a bad version of helvetica. > now we understand how bad arial *really* is!) > > [...] > thanks to this latest rant, we now know that kibo's favorite sans > serif font is univers. I suggest this would make a good name for > your daughter, kibo, should you choose to accept that mission. > you should name your son after a serif font, of course. ARRRRR! Stop pushing my buttons, you fishskin goober! You know, telling me what my favorite typefaces are, and being wrong about it, is a lot like running up to Fonzie and saying "I hear you love Datsun motorcycles!" except that instead of me scattering your freckles around Arnold's parking lot, I'm going to give you another long lecture on the history of typography. You people should learn to pay more attention to my long boring lectures so I can stop giving them. I didn't say that Univers was my favorite sans-serif; I don't even think I have a favorite sans-serif, given that there are so many different sub-categories that are used for different purposes. I just said that Univers was in the same style as Helvetica, except better. It comes closer to being an actual text font (the spacing is better), the extrabold and condensed styles are more interesting (for headlines), and in general the modelling (the thicks and thins) is more sophisticated. (Note that I am referring to the good versions of Univers -- such as Bitstream's "Zurich", a very faithful but unlicensed clone -- not the bad ones, such as Adobe's Univers. Adobe was working from a version of Univers which had already been deformed to fit a Linotype machine, and they were too lazy to digitize the italics, preferring to just warp the upright fonts.) Univers might be my favorite font from the "fonts very much like Helvetica" sub-category, but that's a pretty small domain. I probably like Futura (again, the real version, not the later bastardizations) just as much, but there are some tasks where Futura would be inappropriate, and others where Futura would work much better than Univers. Other fonts I like just as much would be News Gothic (once again, the original, not the mashed-together Adobe version), Kabel (original, not ITC), Syntax, Ludlow's Stellar, and several others. Different ones are appropriate for use in different places, so it would be silly to prefer one to all others, unlike roman fonts (where if you like a particular roman font, you can use it pretty much anywhere a roman font can go. A good roman font can go anywhere, sans-serifs are more specialized.) The fonts in the Univers-to-Helvetica range and the ones like News Gothic are for when you want to print something where people focus on the content (or ignore it automatically, as in the case of a list of ingredients) because they're designed to be very personality-less -- not strictly geometric, but not humanist either, with letter shapes that are very uniform from letter to letter but with no particular overall distinctiveness other than this uniformity. For a poster or a headline, you might want something with more personality (but which would not be as good for small text) such as Futura or Kabel or Block or Radiant or Bernhard Gothic or Avant Garde or any of many other choices (most sans-serifs can be used as headline fonts.) For a business letter, if you chose to do it in sans-serif, you'd want something "normal" yet with some humanist qualities that make it seem less mechanical, such as Gill Sans or Syntax or Optima or Meta or anything else that has a little more emphasis on classical letterforms than the bland fonts like Helvetica or the stylized fonts like Futura. Which brings me to the second thing I'm required to complain about: I didn't say Arial is a "bad version of Helvetica". Arial was intended as a substitute for (and alternate to) Helvetica. Because Microsoft didn't want to have to license the core PostScript font set -- Helvetica, Times Roman, Avant Garde, etc. -- they commissioned Monotype to design some fonts that had the same spacing -- Arial, Times New Roman, Century Gothic -- but allegedly based on older designs in the Monotype library, so that they could feel all warm and ethical inside. As a result, although Arial has the same spacing as Helvetica, it's a different design -- Univers is far more like Helvetica than Arial is. They're different sub-categories of sans-serifs. (Helvetica and Univers are twentieth-century "neo-grotesques", also called "Swiss", while Arial is a nineteenth-century style "old grotesque", like Akzidenz Grotesk or AG Old Face.) In places where Helvetica has details that obsessively match -- such as the two ends of the "c" which have both been wrenched around to be exactly horizontal (in most versions) -- Arial has deliberately mismatched details. (Arial's "c" has two ends that slant diagonally, but the tail of the "g" slants the other way around relative to the stroke.) Arial also has more of an emphasis on roman-style letterforms (such as the long diagonal leg of the "R") while in Helvetica the letters have been made as uniform as possible (hence the "R" with the rounded, vertical leg to make the letter appear closer to the same size as an "H" or "O".) Arial and the other old grotesques are somewhere in between the neo-grotesques like Helvetica and the fully humanist designs like Syntax. You could sort of make a spectrum from fully humanist to fully geometric, starting with Optima and Syntax and passing through Arial and then Helvetica and then Futura and ending up at Avant Garde. There are many other sans-serifs that wouldn't fit anywhere in that spectrum. I think Helvetica is a better design than Arial, but keep in mind that they're in somewhat different categories. I dislike the bland effect both of them produce on the page, but in Helvetica it's a deliberate, engineered blandness, while Arial just looks like the design was somewhat accidental. Just as Univers is a (subtly) better design than Helvetica with regard to that particular style, there are fonts better than Arial in Arial's style -- I like Berthold's AG Old Face (a deliberately "oldened" grotesque) better than Arial. (The family trees of the two styles converge on the original grotesques, such as Akzidenz Grotesk. Helvetica is what happened when someone cleaned Akzidenz up as much as possible, removing much of the personality but adding a new kind of rhythm, while AG Old Face exaggerates Akzidenz's existing irregularity and personality.) Of course, because Arial was designed within the constraints of having the same spacing as a different font, it suffered as a result -- the Helvetica "a" has a tail that sticks out to the right (in the light weights), and that's a feature not found in most old grotesques, so the Arial "a" doesn't have that tail, and thus has to be extra-wide to fill up the same space. As a result, the "a" in Arial is wider than it wants to be. It would have either been better if they had tried to do an exact plagiarism of Helvetica, or if they had done a grotesque that didn't space like Helvetica, but trying to straddle this line between fonts that don't look like Helvetica and fonts that work just like Helvetica resulted in what just looks like a sloppy design. Helvetica is sterile because it was meant to be sterile, while Arial is bland because it was designed under legal and technological constraints, not from any designer's inspiration. Helvetica would be interestingly avant-garde if you hadn't been seeing it a thousand times a day for your entire life, while Arial is wholly uninteresting. Of the other Microsoft/Monotype core fonts in Windows (the ones that space like, but don't look quite like, the standard Adobe PostScript fonts) most are better than the ones they're intended to be substituted for. Century Gothic (based on Monotype's knockoff of Futura called "Twentieth Century Gothic") is more pleasant as a text face than ITC Avant Garde Gothic, although it doesn't have that severe, mechanical look that Avant Garde was designed to have, so the two are again very different fonts in a vaguely similar style. Monotype's Bookman Old Style is also a more comfortable text font (especially in the italic) than ITC Bookman, but again at the expense of being less clean. The one oddity in the Windows font set is Monotype's Book Antiqua (formerly "Z-Antiqua") which is an absolutely exact knockoff of Adobe's Palatino (the Linophoto version.) When talking about Palatino I have to be very precise, because the version most often seen -- the Linophoto one -- looks very different from the original Stempel one. Zapf designed Palatino to be a headline font, with a relatively low x-height and small, soft serifs, and that's the Stempel one. The Linophoto one has been turned into a text typeface by making the lowercase a little larger, and the serifs are bigger and blockier. Many of the most distinctive features of the original Palatino have been eliminated in the modern version, such as the round, calligraphic digits and the "S" that has an exuberant twisty swoop in its spine. There's also a third intermediate stage of Palatino, the Linotype hot-metal version, which has an italic about fifty percent wider than it was intended to be, due to the way old Linotype machines worked (another case of a typeface being distorted to fit into the space occupied by something else.) Around the corner from where I live, there's a Harvard Medical School building that standardized on Palatino for their signage, but they didn't say which Palatino, so "1633 Tremont" is in Linophoto Palatino and "1637 Tremont" is in Stempel Palatino, and they're clearly different, even down to the "1". So why is there one exact plagiarism among the Windows fonts if they worked so hard to make all the others ones visibly different from the standard Adobe PostScript fonts? And why is it Hermann Zapf's Palatino, given that he used to go around complaining that everyone was selling knockoffs of Palatino? (He called them "Palatinellos".) It's probably partly because Palatino is such an original, unclassifiable design that nothing else looks like it -- many people don't notice the difference between Helvetica and Arial, even though they're quite different, but a mutated Palatino wouldn't look like Palatino. It's a very distinctive design. The few things that are meant to look kind of like Palatino but different, such as Letraset's Elysium and Scangraphic's Zapf Renaissance, couldn't pass for Palatino. (Zapf Renaissance is Zapf's own attempt to improve on Palatino, it's quite beautiful. Elysium is like Palatino except with enough details changed to ruin it, like an "m" with serifs in bizarre places.) And it's also probably partly because Hermann Zapf stopped complaining about font companies ripping off Palatino when the font companies started paying him to shut up about it. As a result, he openly endorsed Bitstream's "Zapf Calligraphic" over the legit Palatinos, and rumor has it he also got paid off for Book Antiqua, although doing either would mean that he's screwing over Linotype, the people that licensed the real Palatino from him. (Because of this, some designers feel that Zapf is not a paragon of ethicality.) Ethic in the typeface-selling business are a fluid thing. Designers generally consider it to be a bad thing to clone someone else's typeface (even in cases where it's technically legal, which would involve redrawing the thing on paper, changing the name, and not exporting it outside the United States.) However, font companies usually sell these knockoffs of typefaces like Palatino because it's very hard to get a license for some of these fonts (Linotype charges a lot for a license for Helvetica or Palatino) and because those fonts are so overused that everyone demands them, most vendors have to choose between paying a fortune to Linotype to be able to sell the same fonts you could buy more cheaply elsewhere, or just selling unlicensed plagiarisms (which are 100% profit.) While I don't think Adobe did a good job of digitizing most of their library (particularly with respect to the sans-serifs such as Helvetica and Futura) they're one of the few companies which will not sell imitation fonts. Bitstream, on the other hand, does sell cloned fonts ("Zurich" is their Univers, "Swiss 721" is their Helvetica, "Zapf Calligraphic" is their Palatino) but they add value in that Bitstream's fake fonts are actually far more faithful to the real ones than Adobe's licensed ones. So this is an interesting question: Which is more respectable, a company which pays the designer a small royalty for selling a low-quality version of their font, or a company which doesn't pay the designer but honors the designer's artistic intent? Bitstream tried to have it both ways by paying Zapf directly, but I'm sure that didn't make Linotype happy. (A note about royalties: Depending on who sells the font, the designer may receive anywhere from a penny to ten dollars from a font that sells for twenty dollars. The biggest companies sell the most fonts, but pay a pittance compared to some of the little companies. The worst cases are the companies that license fonts to other companies that license fonts, in which case the designer sometimes winds up with 10% of 10% of 10% of the selling price. This may be why people like Hermann Zapf can be induced to look the other way when they get paid some actual money. Needless to say, typeface designers, even famous ones, would be pretty impoverished even if end-users weren't stealing "warezed" font files via the Internet.) So, to sum up: Univers is NOT my favorite sans-serif, even though it's one of the best designs in its class. Arial is NOT an imitation of Helvetica, it's just a lame design that was intended to look only vaguely similar to Helvetica. Book Antiqua IS Palatino, although it's not the good Palatino. Hermann Zapf has designed some great typefaces BUT he went over to the dark side. Fonzie does NOT drive a Datsun. -- K. Glenn Knickerbocker (NotR@bestweb.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Oh, and I really detest "MS Comic Sans" [...] > > [...] Is there a better casual handwriting font I can get for free > or even cheap? Because most of the ones I've looked at are way MORE > atrocious. And as far as what you should use instead of MS Comic Sans when you want something that looks like casual handwriting for free: HELLO GLENN! THIS IS A PENCIL! Because it's trivial to actually write on things, and because actual sloppy hand-letting has a spontaneous charm that "sloppy" fonts usually can't capture, I only recommend "handwriting" fonts in cases where the fake handwriting looks better than what you could do with your very own Magic Marker, that is, the ones that are usually called "calligraphy" instead of "handwriting". If it isn't really precise handwriting, it will look completely fake in font form. (My writing looks good in font form, but only because I'm special.) If you want something with a real spontaneous wackiness to it, and you're too lazy to actually write some words on paper, then you might as well just use MS Comic Sans, because you're also too lazy to get your stuff published where I might have to look at it. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Broken stencil font in the news. Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 04:43:37 GMT "Lleah" (leahverre@attbi.com) wrote: > > Anyhow, > So Kibo bought some bubbles at the Super 88 that were supposedly some sort > of wacky (I'm using my fingers as quotes for this word now) "candy". After > he mixed the ingredients together to cause some sort of chemical (fingers > again) "reaction", he blew some bubbles. He maintained that they didn't > taste like soap until about five minutes later when he remarked that they > did, indeed, taste like soap after all. Well, it was time-release soap. Candy is never very good soap, and this candy really didn't taste like high-quality soap. Plus for some reason the bubbles bounced when they hit things. I think this is a candy that requires another person's assistance to eat it, because if you use it indoors it will stain the wallpaper, and if you use it outdoors the bubbles blow away, so you have to find a wind tunnel and have your friend stand at the other end so that you can blow bubbles and then faintly hear someone yelling "OKAY, THEY DO TASTE LIKE SOAP! NOW PLEASE TURN IT OFF!" And they were blueberry bubbles, because all Japanese candy is now blueberry flavored, peach flavored, or melon flavored, because they only just discovered blueberries last year and so now Japan is in the midst of an artificial blueberry flavor craze. Blueberrymania is sweeping the Pacific Rim! Don't ask me to explain the melon, though. I wish the Japanese would hurry up and discover raspberries. They don't even know about the red ones, let alone the black or blue ones. -- K. I have a theory that the recent discovery of blueberries is why the new version of Ultraman turns purple whenever he gets into a fight. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Dumb subway news. Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2002 10:00:54 GMT To prevent crime on Boston's Orange Line, loudspeakers will now be quietly playing classical music. That's even more pathetic than what I would have proposed, which would have been classical music with subliminal messages saying "WUV! WUV! WUV!" -- K. One theory is that no bad person owns a Discman. Two theory is that the subway is run by people who just aren't trying. "Tell the cops they can stay home from now on, we're protected by Muzak!" Three theory is they're renaming it the Clockwork Orange Line. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Dumb subway news. Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 03:05:15 GMT Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > To prevent crime on Boston's Orange Line, loudspeakers will now be > > quietly playing classical music. > > Loudspeakers on the Green Line will be playing readings of a.r.k. postings. Anything to drown out that one driver on the C train who likes to do Garry Shandling's old comedy routines into the public-address system. They were a lot funnier when I heard Garry Shandling do them. I bet he's a better train driver, too. Still, at least he doesn't try to do Gallagher's act, which would involve crushing watermelons in the pinch point where the cars bend in the middle. Speaking of Gallagher, because of the imagined success of those collect-calling phone commercials where Carrot Top yells at people, apparently the world of advertising has decided that prop comics are the same as salespeople. There's now an ad for some car-loan company where Gallagher smashes vegetables with his mallet while talking about refinancing your car. The prop comedy goes something like this: He yells "And you can keep your car!" while holding up a toy car, then he smashes a watermelon with the mallet. The commercial ends with him driving off in a giant cartoon watermelon. I like Gallagher (as a concept) but these commercials couldn't even sell me a watermelon smoothie, let alone major financial services. I'm just glad Jim Carrey isn't hard up for cash, because then we'd see him in his "Ace Ventura 2" costume pulling bargains out of a rhino's rump. -- K. Also, I wish I lived in Utah so I could have seen the commercials Andy Dick made for the Utah Transit Authority. Maybe next week when Bob & David are in Boston, I'll ask David Cross if Blueberryhead will do some commercials for our stupid subway. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Dumb subway news. Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 02:47:01 GMT Chris ''Koala3K'' Slat (penguin56@nospam.tdi.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > To prevent crime on Boston's Orange Line, loudspeakers will now be > > quietly playing classical music. [...] > > > > One theory is that no bad person owns a Discman. > > > > Two theory is that the subway is run by people who just aren't trying. > > > > "Tell the cops they can stay home from now on, we're protected by Muzak!" > > > > Three theory is they're renaming it the Clockwork Orange Line. > > Four theory is that it was the only music they had left after all the > other music on the magentic disks was erased by Kibo's mind. > > It's true. It is indeed true! Today I rode the Orange Line from Roxbury Crossing to Forest Hills, and later from Forest Hills to Haymarket, to hear for myself whether Muzak would prevent me from doing anything evil, and it didn't, mainly because there was no music! The massive brainpower radiating from the top half of my head must have fried all the Baby Mozart toys hidden behind the ceramic tiles that don't quite match the other ones in the bathroom-style subway station walls! Other observations I made today while using the combination of subways and buses known as the (T), or more formally, the MBTA: At Dedham Mall, there was this sign: NO MBTA AFTER 6:00 PM ...won't the Harvard students be upset when they can't ride the subway after dinner just because some stupid half-vacant shopping mall ten miles to the south declared that the entire rapid transit system ceases to exist at sundown? (Incidentally, that mall sucks. It used to be a fairly lame suburban mall shaped like an "X" with the food court in the middle, but now two of the arms and the food court are closed off with particle board, and only about four of the stores are even trying to stay open during this massive renovation the mall has chosen to undertake during the shopping season.) As far as the mystery of the difference between the "exact change" status message and the "coins only" message on the display of the (T)'s token vending machines ("TVM"s), I still can't figure that out. At Forest Hills there were two TVM's that both said "exact change", but one was taking bills and the other wasn't. So in one case, "exact change" was the same as "coins only", and in the other "exact change" was the opposite of "coins only". Furthermore, in the machine that was working, I inserted a $1 bill and then had to push the big aluminum button to tell it I did indeed want only one token (tokens are precisely $1.00 now) because it was waiting for more money, but when I inserted a $5 bill my other five tokens came out instantly. Apparently the (T) wants me to buy more than one but not as many as five tokens at a time. I will have to try $2, $3, and $4 bills next time, although I don't think they've ever minted the most useful one of those. I rode a #34E bus, which is like the #34 bus except it goes further because it's an Express bus, but this was also an Express Limited variant, meaning it could only stop when people wanted to get on, not when they wanted to get off. So, as the drivers explained, for most of the route you could only get off if someone else got on, a bizarre scheme which, if carried to its logical conclusion, would result in the entire population of Boston being trapped inside a bus driving through a desolate landscape where there are no people left who want to get on. On the #39 bus today, the bus had to stop for a traffic light, and a guy came up to it, and the driver opened the door even though it wasn't a real bus stop, and the guy asked how much it was, and the driver said "Two dollars, 'cause it's not a regular bus stop." He didn't get on. It seems variable pricing is now in effect, possibly related to whether or not the driver sees invisible green fires on that corner. Invisible green fires started by... MY BRAIN! -- K. So, if classical music prevents violence, how do you explain Germany? ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Dumb subway news. Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 04:33:45 GMT "Lleah" (leahverre@attbi.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > To prevent crime on Boston's Orange Line, loudspeakers will now be > > quietly playing classical music. > > [...] they're renaming it the Clockwork Orange Line. > > Interesting. > What sort of themes will show up on the other lines, do you think? I'm glad you asked, because I firmly believe the other lines will be based on other Stanley Kubrick films. For instance, the Red Line will be renamed the Harvard-Ashmont Line, or HAL for short, and will announce all the stops in a prissy voice before it swerves off the tracks and hits pedestrians who are fiddling with their cell-phone antennas. The Green Line trains will automatically proceed to the end of the line at every trip, and if they get the proper radio signal, they will come back, otherwise they will automatically detonate their onboard nuclear weapons at Lechmere. And as for the Blue Line, let's just say that when I ride it, I'll be wearing my tricorner hat and black cape and porcelain mask -- sure, it says "Wonderland" on the signs, but those of us with connections know it's pronounced "Fidelio". > [...] > And for the new Silver Line, you will get to listen to the theme from Time > Tunnel, looped indefinitely. And it'll be like that one song where the guy > gets stuck on the T forever and ever and can't get off cuz he doesn't > have any change? Only this time you won't be able to get off because you'll > be forever mesmerized by the hypnotic swoopiness of the Silver Line icon. I don't see any hypnotic swoopiness. It's just a mess of hairlines which were too thin to reproduce properly especially after they halftoned them, shrunk them down, halftoned them again, blew them up, and then shrunk them down again. It's like they took scissors and cut out a little rectangular patch from the side of the wormhole in "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" but it stopped glowing after they nailed it to the wall so now it just looks like a spiderweb, only harder to see. For those of you playing along at home, you can make your own Silver Line logo out of a font with lots of extra-thin strokes (Broadway by Morris F. Benton) and then warp it into a bulgy shape and then put it in front of a starburst made out of 16,384 converging hairlines and then halftone the whole thing to ensure that no part of it is visible against any of the other parts you've piled up. I don't have the logo in front of me at the moment so I might have left out some of the other invisible details, but you get the idea -- it's a giant logo which is so messy and byzantine that the whole thing just becomes this gray-on-white cloud of nearly-invisible visual buzz. Even on the big signs, it's nearly illegible. (The version of the logo on the Silver Line's propaganda Web site, www.allaboutsilverline.com, has been significantly enhanced and darkened and contrastified and shadowed to make it visible against the solid white background of the Web page. In reality, it's more like a watermark seen underwater. It's as if it were designed by the people who do the filigrees on the dollar bills that are supposed to be hard to Xerox, and then they Xeroxed it.) The (T)'s regular logo is a block "T" with a circle around it, and it's incredibly recognizable and visible. You can spot a (T) sign from two blocks away. In fact, you can even see them from Minneapolis. No, wait, that's just because Minneapolis stole the (T) logo for their own transit system. But in Boston, the real (T) logo is insanely visible. So it's a real head-scratcher that the (T) decided their latest logo should be something that you can't focus on unless you have eyes like a Keane kid. Also, the Silver Line is "Boston's First Bus Rapid Transit Service", which I guess means that they officially admit that the regular (T) buses (the yellow-stripe ones) and the Crosstown Transit buses (the teal-stripe ones) aren't rapid in any sense. The big question is, if the Silver Line really is more rapid than the regular buses, will it have more or fewer insane drivers who steer around invisible green fires? (Maybe I should find that guy and ask him what the invisible logo looks like.) -- K. Also, on all the maps, they show some gray line where the Silver Line is supposed to be. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Clown car Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 03:27:57 GMT John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > I got a flat tyre the other day, and crikey Moses Dickens fuck, I > discovered a strange and horrible thing. The spare wheel, hitherto > unsighted, turned out to be about 2/3 the size of a regular wheel, had > a tiny, tiny tyre on it, and, worst of all, was bright orange. > > Everytime I get out of the car now, 30 clowns also emerge and start > squirting me was soda siphons. > > Crap. Other than the way the seltzer has washed the word "with" from your brain, the part of this I find disturbing is that you specify that the spare tire was "hitherto unsighted", which means it sprouted eyes and you're now driving a car that watches people, although all of them are spinning around really fast from its point of view. But that's not important right now. The question is, was the tire the same shade of orange as common disposable traffic cones, and what happens if you run over one with that tire and it gets poked in the eye? Does the tire pop or just cry? -- K. This is why I like subways. They never get flat tires, even when they run over people who get pushed onto the tracks. ----------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: OhHOOOOOO New England (wikkid fukkin long, but wikkid pissa) Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 03:53:42 GMT "Lleah" (leahverre@attbi.com) wrote: > > I just got back from the whirlwindiest of whirlwind trips through the lovely > Easternmost colonies. > > Since everything is all about ME, I will now regale you with MY experiences > on MY trip and you'll all sit there and read it all with glee, and then > shower me with most deserved affection. > > Let's begin with Middleboro, hometown of my dear and wonderful husband. > Middleboro used to be the Cranberry Capital of the World, and the myriad > bogs in that area are at this moment almost ready for the flooding. The > weather was swelteringly humid, and the nightly cacophony of frogs and > katydids was nearly deafening at times. The pizza was, as always, beautiful > and filling, and the parent's house was, as always, delightfully New > England-y. > Tom and I made our obligatory trip to Plymouth to partake in the Hut of the > Lobster. I do not, however, eat lobster, as it is against our religion, as > you all know. But the clam strips are most assuredly doomed the second that > Tom and I walk through the front doors. I think clam strips are inherently doomed. Not to mention darned. If I ever get to Heaven and it's filled with happy dancing clam strips, I will find that disturbing and ask to leave. And if, when I arrive in Heaven, the clouds are floating in a sea of Clamato or Sea-Czar, I'm going to take one look and then kill myself. > We walked out to the jetty and watched the cormorants sun themselves. > > We then went up to New Hamster, where we attended the wedding of some close > friends. > I've posted about our friend Patty before. She's the best at practical > jokes, and has truly made the practice into an art form. > For instance ... > She brought out a resume that she edited for someone while still in college. > Allow me to share this story now ... > > Wally was a guy in the meteorology department who bothered Patty while in > college. She was the editor of the school newspaper, and therefore spent a > lot of time at the office. Wally came in to said office work on his resume, > and when he foolishly left to go print it out, Patty got on his computer and > partook of some creative editing. > He was now studying "Meteorology of the Upper Anus", he monitored the "UMass > Weather and Porn line", and one of his hobbies was "reeding". He also had > many degrees in "Meteorolocology". > Later in the year she asked him how his job search was going, and he replied > "It's weird. I'm not getting any responses." So Patty to this day takes > solace in the idea that she may have single-handedly ruined this guy's > career. Until she discovers that Meteorology Of The Upper Anus pays $750,000 a year AND comes with a free License To Kill! Although it's only valid in Upper Anus, Wisconsin. But the money is good anywhere so it's still kind of a good deal. > [...] > > AND NOW .. on to BOSTON. > > I have seen the Super 88 and lived through the experience. It was very > exciting, and Kibo knows just where all the best kookiness lives. One > should never pass up the chance to visit this spot of Asian goodness with > Kibo. > I had to get my friend some Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrley tea, as well as some Hello > Kitty potato chips. Kibo informed me that I would, in fact, have to also > get her some Asse and some Collon. Both were appreciated to the fullest > extent by my friend, who commented, "Wow! Now I have the entire duodenum > collection!" I was going to mention Al Kaprielian, but he's too obscure even to be a duodenum-meets-weatherperson reference by way of B. Kliban. > This experience almost made up for being drug through back alleys of the > Combat Zone and over boulder-lined trolley tracks at midnight, all the while > being forced to appreciate the horrible aspect of this backward "N" or that > misaligned "S". Aw, shazbot! I forgot to show you the two different Palatinos on the same sign around the corner! > He also took me to the Prudential Star Market. I remain forever > disappointed, as there were absolutely no "DeViDer DiViDar"s to be seen > anywhere. They had, as Kibo mentioned, obviously been stolen. But also, we > were in there at around ten in the evening, and the kooks, I am told, don't > tend to show up until after midnight. Last night, the aisle I checked out in had a divider bar made from a rather loosely rolled-up brown paper bag with a spot of tape on the center. It looked like a cinnamon stick three inches wide. Lately I've been shopping at the Bread & Circus brand Whole Foods Market down the street, just because not only do they have plain red rubber bars for their dividers, but they have had the same ones every day for ten years, unlike the Prudential Star which seems to lose them faster than I can keep an eye on them (I'm only there three times a week!) > [...] > > Okay then. You may all resume whatever you were doing before I barged in > with my important trip account. I was trying to think about something other than weather anuses, but you ruined it. > I love you all, > -Leha -- K. The Eskimos have 374 words for "snow", but we have "duodenum", "colon", "anus", "rectum"...