From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Cameras make you a dangerous person Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2005 20:13:05 -0400 Mark Edwards (Mark-Edwards@comcast.net) wrote: > > So there I am, in blue jeans that are maybe better described as > dungarees, black t-shirt with the cryptic Mensa logo on, a black > baseball-style cap from the international brotherhood of perl hackers > (Perl Mongers), with a picture of a camel on it, a pair of moccasins > with no socks, and a bushy black (okay, salt and pepper) beard. > > I pull up into the parking lot of the defunct "oriental" restaurant, > camera bag over my shoulder, and start to extend the legs on my > tripod. > > There is a small Latino bar called "La Perla" here, and it has a > really cool but simple neon sign. I have driven past it every day for > more than a dozen years. I have told myself that *one day* I will stop > and take a picture of that sign, after dusk. > > So tonight I have to make a run to the store to pick up some bird seed > and another feeder - either someone has played pinata with the old > feeder, or it just sort of wore out over the years. But I disgress - > making the run is the perfect excuse to get that picture. > > It's a full moon out, the General Motors plant is receiving a delivery > by rail that blocks all but the only northbound road to my > destination, and other drivers seem to be actively trying to kill me. > I keep going anyway... > > There is a security guard - might be a city cop; I couldn't really > tell; and he approaches me as I start adjusting the tripod. Mistakes you've made so far: 1. Tripod 2. Moccasins 3. Mensa 4. Mensa 5. MENSA!!! 6. Comcast My experience is that the amount of hassle you get for taking photos is directly proportional to how professional your equipment looks -- an SLR gets complaints when a little touristy point-and-shoot camera doesn't. That's one of the things I like about the weird-shaped Nikons I use -- I used to have an SLR-shaped digital camera with a big zoom lens on the front and it attracted security guards like you wouldn't believe. But my current Nikon is small enough that it can pass for a tourist camera (also I can work it one-handed and shoot with it at waist level, both features you want when taking covert photos.) Anything involving a tripod is automatically suspicious, whether or not it's one of those old-timey cameras where you have to stick your head under the black shroud while holding up the exploding chafing dish with one hand and the steam-powered gyroscope-stabilized birdie with the other. Wearing a Mensa shirt is sure to get you hassled by authorities. It really helps if you look like some sort of punk rock biker headbanger dude type, rather than someone who wants cops to think he's a nerd. I suggest turning that shirt inside-out, flinging some fluorescent chartreuse and magenta paint at it, and shaving half your head and styling the other half with a Garden Weasel. If you want to get away with stuff but still wear a T-shirt that says "Mensa", change it to "Fuck Mensa" with a picture of an aborted fetus eating Shirley Temple while she's spanking Andy Kaufman who's saying "Fuck People Who Say 'Fuck Mensa'!" > Cop: "Excuse me sir! Is there a reason you are setting up a camera?" > > [Well, duh! Yeah, I want to take a picture.] He was just asking a logical question to determine whether or not you were dumb enough to be using camera equipment by accident. > Me: "Yes, I wanted to take a picture of the sign over the door. It's > really cool, and I've been meaning to get a picture of it for a long > time." > > Cop: "Well, we can't have people just coming up and taking pictures of > stuff. It could mean that this building is being targeted for > terrorism." I would've given him The Glower and said, "But if people don't take photos of it, that doesn't prove it's NOT being targeted for terrorism. Hey, look, there's NOBODY photographing that bank down the street! QUICK, GO FALL FOR THEIR CLEVER RUSE!" > Me: "Ooookay. I just like the sign." > > Cop: "Do you have permission?" > > [Okay, this is at least slightly reasonable... ] > > Me: "Do you think that would be a problem?" > > Cop: "They might not want to be targeted, or something." > > [Aaaarrgggh!] I would've explained that if La Perla didn't want us to photograph their sign, the sign would have said "La Perla -- YOU MAY LOOK AT THIS SIGN BRIEFLY FOR PERSONAL USE BUT YOU MAY NOT LOOK AT THIS SIGN THROUGH BINOCULARS, ZOOM LENSES, OR A G.A.F. VIEWMASTER, NOR MAY YOU RECORD THIS SIGN SO THAT YOU MAY LOOK AT IT LATER BECAUSE WE'RE WORRIED THAT PEOPLE WILL TAKE PHOTOS OF OUR SIGN AND THEN MASTURBATE OVER THEM. IF YOU HAVE READ ALL THIS YOU HAVE NOW BEEN LOOKING AT THIS SIGN TOO LONG AND ARE NOW SENTENCED TO 50 YEARS IN 'LOOKED AT A SIGN' JAIL." > Me: "Well, if you think there'll be a problem, I can just put my gear > up." > > Cop: "Great. That'll be good." > > I stuff my tripod in the trunk, close up my camera bag, and decide - > hey, why don't I just go ask permission? They can only say no. Why > would a Latino bar in a rough part of town object to a white boy > coming in? You're white? I didn't know that because I have a completely open mind and therefore did not make any assumptions based on "moccasins" plus "tripod" plus "Mensa shirt" plus "Perl hat" plus "likes to photograph pretty signs". So what sort of classical music do you like? Honkie-tonk? > So I walk towards the door. The cop looks very surprised. > > Me: "I decided I could always ask permission" (big grin on my face) > > Cop: "Well if you speak Spanish," he says in such a way that he thinks > it unlikely, "you can always ask." > > Cop: "Can he take a photograph of your sign?" > > Barkeep: > > Me: "Gracias." > > Me: "Thank you sir." STOP QUOTING KEVIN BACON UNLESS YOU SAY THE SECOND HALF OF THE LINE TOO! Surely you learned how to say "Thank you sir, may I have another?" in order to get that Mensa shirt. > Oh well, they leave the sign on overnight. I leave for work while it's > still dark o'clock in the morning, so I can just take my camera with > me Monday, without making anyone nervous about terrorists. > > Unless the city guard, or Vimes hisself happens to be walking past... Who's Vimes? Is he the abbreviated version of Ving Rhames for people who don't have time to fully name-check him while they're getting medieval with a pair of pliers, a blowtorch, and a tripod? -- K. I bet you just refer to his acquaintance Zed as "Z", too, which'll cause problems in the forthcoming "Pulp Fiction"/ "Antz" crossover where Woody Allen dances the Batusi. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Cameras make you a dangerous person Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 13:57:59 -0400 Mark Edwards (Mark-Edwards@comcast.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > My experience is that the amount of hassle you get for taking photos > > is directly proportional to how professional your equipment looks -- > > an SLR gets complaints when a little touristy point-and-shoot camera > > doesn't. > > Sadly true - but now that I *have* a nice camera, I want to take a > good picture of that neon sign with it. Heavy sigh... A good photographer can take good pictures with a bad camera. It's only bad photographers who feel the need to have good equipment (in order to compensate for their lack of talent.) The world's greatest photographers all accomplish their work with a simple camera obscura, made by drilling pinholes in walls, especially bathroom walls. If all else fails, you can always find someone with a bigger camera to run distraction for you. Get someone with a giant old video camera on their shoulder to put on a "60 Minutes" T-shirt and have them stand slightly closer to the sign than you do, and I doubt you'll be the one who gets hassled by the Man, even if that bar isn't really selling babies out of the back room. > > Wearing a Mensa shirt is sure to get you hassled by authorities. > > Probably because the logo looks satanic. No, because the logo looks insufficiently satanic. I guarantee you that if you wore one of those shirts with the eighteen-inch-tall bloody skull silkscreened on it you'd get less attention from cops. I think my next shirt will be that black one from the army surplus store that says "If you love someone, let them go... if they don't come back, hunt them down AND KILL THEM!" Hot Topic also has a nice one which says "When I can't sleep, I count the buckles on my straitjacket," but they were out of my size and also the lettering was yucky. So you can call dibs on that one. > I could always order one of those "Hell's Mensans" T-shirts: > > http://www.aviastar.net/lynda_kay/images/Pre-99-photos/01-waare-hm_small1.jpg > Now isn't this guy scary? That'll confuse them for sure! Um, if you were wearing one of those, you might be deserving to get stomped by Hell's Angels. Heck, if you were wearing one, even I would have an uncontrollable urge to stomp you. I may not be a biker dude, but at least I don't have any T-shirts which combine the logos for "IMITATION HELL'S ANGEL" and "REAL MENSA NERD". > [...] > > > Who's Vimes? > > That would be Commander Vimes of the City Watch, from Terry > Pratchett's Discworld books - some funny stuff. Oh, that's right, I forgot I was talking to a Mensa member. I should've realized it was a comic-book reference. So which one of the Watchmen is Commander Vimes? -- K. And how long have you been in the Masons? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Cameras make you a dangerous person Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 22:57:27 -0400 Glitter Ninja (stacia@xmission.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > It's only bad photographers who feel the need to have good equipment > > (in order to compensate for their lack of talent.) > > Ouch. I'm pretty sure Mark didn't deserve that smackdown. It's not a smackdown, it's just sarcasm, you bozoid. He knows it's mere sarcasm because my camera's better than his because of course my camera's better than everyone else's because it's mine. Also it has an evil twin that looks just like it does but won't take any pictures because its tiny little brain was fried while taking the most awesome solid white photo I've ever taken. Now smile quietly or I'll fold up my tripod and Bob Crane your head. -- K. And shouldn't it have been Richard Dawson? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Cameras make you a dangerous person Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2005 20:26:17 -0400 Tim Chmielewski (webmaster@timchuma.com) wrote: > > Mark Edwards (Mark-Edwards@comcast.net) wrote: > > > > Cop: "Well, we can't have people just coming up and taking pictures of > > stuff. It could mean that this building is being targeted for > > terrorism." > > [elided] > > As with any profession, some police are just arseholes who get off with > tell people what they can't do. There is a who sub-fetish around the > leather area involving police officers also. Really? Do tell us more, Mr. Expert. I've looked through every Tom Of Finland comic book and I can't find any evidence of this. Can you circle the leather in every Tom Of Finland drawing for me? Also, I can't remember, which are the gay ones, the Village People or Men At Work? > (I heard one of the stories personally, who wears BLUE LEATHER?!?) Taste the rainbow, dude. -- K. So what do the motorcycle cops wear on your continent? Tyvek? Styrofoam? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: It's the end of the world as we know it Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2005 20:48:46 -0400 TimC (tconnors@no.spam.accepted.here-astro.swin.edu.au) wrote: > > [...] > > A large proportion of drivers are too stupid to drive, What about those of us who are just too dangerous to share a road with? Lately I've been given some consideration to buying a motorcycle (despite the inherent dangers of me plus hog intersecting with curb plus wino) though I suppose I should bother to learn to ride a bicycle first. And bicycles are for losers who don't know how to jump subway turnstiles. Riding a bicycle is as dorky as riding two unicycles at the same time! > and I was hoping that high fuel prices would force them off the road > (sure, with a bit of colateral damage, but it really is a large > proportion, possibly a majority in Melbourne). Then I realised > they wouldn't be forced off the road, AND I MUST SCREAM! Uh oh, I'm going to tell Harlan Ellison you referenced him without permission, and worse, you did it on the Internet, so he's going to tie you to the bed and stomp dirty words into your nice white carpet. -- K. You have roads in Australia now? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: August 2005 Boston ARKple: weekend one aftermath Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 13:41:08 -0400 Talysman the Ur-Beatle (talysman@gmail.com) wrote: > > [...] > > FRIDAY, AUGUST 19th: GAME NIGHT > > my primary goal for game night was to playtest one of my rpgs, "The > Court of 9 Chambers". Kibo's primary goal was to beat everyone in a > game of Trivial Pursuit. we attempted to fulfill these goals as much as > possible. > > play began at Muffy's when Jake, Kibo, Tom, Muffy, one of Muffy's > friends, and I played through Fluxx, one of those card-game type > thingies. I forget who won. we then moved into my playtest. I set a > time limit of one hour for this, but most of the hour was spent > explaining the concept and rules. (NOTE TO SELF: fix this.) Yeah, we thought it was going to be a PLAYtest, not an EXPLAINtest. You probably knew we were having a hard time with it once we suddenly started expressing an interest in playing Fluxx again. That one might have double the number of rules after every turn, but at least they're all printed right on the cards arranged in eighteen piles on the table. Probably the equipment needs to include several copies of a sheet with a tutorial on one side (as in a walkthrough of a fictional game, like the one in the Scrabble booklet) and a quick summary of the rules on the other. That way the players could check this cheat sheet whenever. So the game distro would include a full rule/idea book and multiple copies of the cheat sheet (or one copy suitable for Xeroxing.) Verdict: Needs to be more like "Twilight Zone" pinball, except without the top right flipper always being broken and the clock being burnt out and the Magna-Flip spots not working and the Powerball missing! Also it should be installed in my apartment because then I could annoy the neighbors by playing pinball all night. > next was a game of Trivial Pursuit: Muffy, Jake, and Muffy's friend > versus Kibo, Tom and I, using the '90s edition of the game. there was a > lot of concentration on Teh Internet category. we found the question to > which the answer was "trolling", but we didn't get the one that asked > "who is the newsgroup alt.religion.kibology named after?" midway > through the game, Muffy's friend had to leave, then NotR arrived to > replace him. I couldn't remember John Tesh's name, so Kibo's team won. > > we then tried out another card game, Guillotine, which allowed us to > chop off people's heads. again, I don't remember who won, although I > think we played two games of this. That's an excellent (and quick, and easy to play) game, but I think it would have worked better with fewer than five players, because the total number of cards is limited, meaning everyone only got to take a few turns before the game ended. I bet the strategy would get really intense in a two-player game, just like Scrabble. Perhaps shuffling two sets of Guillotine cards together (and then playing five "days" instead of three) would make a more interesting five- or six-player game. I think the number of cards in a standard set is best for two to four players. Please write to the manufacturer and tell them to include twice as much product in every box. Also, to give me a couple decks for free since I made that brilliant suggestion. > there was a second game of Trivial Pursuit, this time with Kibo versus > all the rest of us. Kibo did not win, much to his chagrin. I would have, if it hadn't been for that fucking Roger Moore changing his name to Michael! > MONDAY, AUGUST 22nd: MUSIC DAY > > Kibo, Tom and I met at Jake's to record some tracks for what may turn > out to be the most annoying Interrobang Cartel song ever. Jake's place is surrounded by dogs trying to talk to each other at all times, so various varieties of "WOOF!" and "ARF!" and "YAP YAP!" and "BOW WOW!" kept drifting in through the windows, inspiring me to bark back at the local dogs through a highly amplified microphone. Sadly, that was not what made the song annoying. Talysman had a sample from some answering-machine message where a wacko was yelling something that I always heard as "YOUR SAUSAGE SMELLS!" So, I humbly submit "YOUR SAUSAGE SMELLS!" as the hot new catchphrase for the '90s. -- K. YOUR SAUSAGE SMELLS! ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: All-Chimp version of the "PUB" Strip Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 14:02:46 -0400 Tim Chmielewski (webmaster@timchuma.com) wrote: > > [...] > > Also the barmaid punched me in the arm hard as she thought I was starring > at her boobs (she had a very fuzzy jumper on and I was starring at that.) Hadn't you seen one before? I thought Australia was overrun with fuzzy jumpers, at least until you guys gave them all myxomatosis. Anyway, if she only punched you in the arm, she probably likes you. I say go for it. -- K. What's the worst that can happen? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Organ failure Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 14:13:36 -0400 [re the death of Robert Moog, inventor of the patch-cord] barbara@bookpro.com wrote: > > Judges, who gets deathy ray credit for Moog: Kibo (May 9 in a > parenthetical remark about Moog music) or Bryce Utting (last > September: "if I hear that damn violently swinging Moog one more time, > I'm gonna reach through that damn radio and beat Keith Emerson to > death with it."). > > Or does it count only if Robert Moog himself was mentioned? Hmm, a couple years ago I typeset a book that mentioned Robert Moog. But it was in a comic strip written by Penn Jillette, so that book can't have been the cause because Penn Jillette hasn't dropped dead, even though I've actually met him. (We get our clothes at the same store.) In any case, at least the Official A.R.K Death Ray missed Wendy Carlos and Delia Derbyshire! Oh, wait, Delia Derbyshire's Web site says she's been dead for four years. And since Jerry Goldsmith's been dead a few months, I guess that leaves Wendy Carlos as the last surviving person to remember analog synthesizers. Fortunately, I think she's too busy proving the Riemann Hypothesis to get zapped by something like the Official A.R.K Death Ray. Anyway, I'm sorry I killed Robert Moog. I just did it because his name's fun to say. -- K. Music is for suckers! ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Instant Review: WDWCAWASYCCEISCACL Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 14:22:56 -0400 John Schmidt (js@radix.net) wrote: > > Wiener dog walking calmly around with a small yogurt container > completely enveloping its snoot, continuously and contentedly > licking. TWO! THUMBS! UP! Recently on the TV news I saw a coyote that got its head stuck inside a clear pickle jar and was running around wearing it like a space helmet. (The Animal Control people caught it and took the jar off before the poor thing starved.) I think we need to design safer Fifties-style space helmets for animals. Wouldn't it be so cool if all cats and dogs ran around in Jetsons headgear? Especially if they also had those rocket-belts. I support the movement to issue all coyotes rocket-belts. > The best part was that you could only tell she was licking > by nonstop tell-tale twitching of her neck muscles. > > That dog will bury her face into *anything* looking for food > molecules. I heard Kentucky Fried Chicken's new Animal 57^4 is a form of meat which doesn't contain any molecules because they raise it in hyperspace. It's just a big pink tesseract floating in its own hyperjuice. -- K. 57^4 = 10,556,001, where the extra 1 is for extra oddness. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Crazy Conversation Day Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 13:51:44 -0400 Paula (mmmtoblerone@earthlink.ent) wrote: > > [...] > > That was still better than the Thanksgiving dinner I spent being > pressured to sign up to sell Amway, though. Oh, man. So, was the canned turkey any good? The great thing about pyramid schemes such as Amway is that every bozo who signs up does eventually figure out that they can't make a profit unless they sell a billion pounds of crap to every one of their friends. In other words, signing up for Amway makes it mathematically impossible not to be a jerk. Then the next stage is never blinking your eyes again as your brain permanently locks itself into "CONVERT THE HEATHENS TO AMWAY" mode. Never trust any company whose logo is Helvetica with a greatly simplified "a". If they're marketing to people for whom Helvetica is too complicated, run away screaming. Fun fact: The "products" page on www.amway.com contains the only QuickTime VR panorama I've seen in several years. Wow, it's like living in the future -- I can look at bottles of Amway products arranged in a circle! And, oh wow, I can even zoom in to make them blurrier and blurrier! Sign me up now! [www.amway.com] -> -> The only thing anyone is required to buy in order to become -> an Amway Business Owner is the Literature Pack from the Amway -> Opportunity Kit. Despite what you may have heard, starting an -> Amway business doesn't involve handing over large amounts of cash. It can't be a scam if it has a "THIS IS NOT A SCAM" disclaimer right on the page where they want my money! The FAQ is helpful too! -> I've heard rumors that Amway is a cult. Is this true? ÊAnswer -> -> Why do Amway meetings appear to some people like a cult?Ê Answer -> -> Is it true that Amway endorses one religion? ÊAnswer It's so helpful of them to suggest which questions I should ask to learn how big a scam this isn't! And their products range the gamut of everything from soap a housewife would use to scrub her husband's dishes to soap a housewife would use to scrub her husband's house! -> [...] -> -> Everyone loves clean. Sorry, you just lost me. I'm going to take my money and throw it away elsewhere. -- K. Please pass the can of turkey. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: sci.math,alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: PERFECT EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT (P.E.L.E.) Followup-To: sci.math Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 16:28:46 -0400 In sci.math, dedanoe@yahoo.com wrote: > > ALL EVEN NOTHING IS LEVER I'm sorry, but your theory isn't a very good palindrome. Also, YOUR SAUSAGE SMELLS > i too, am not quite sure what is this more: math or physics. all and > nothing could be operants, even operation and lever result. makes your > brain sparkling, right? Dude, the ginger ale straw's supposed to go in your mouth, not get shoved up your nose into your brain. Also, don't put Pop Rocks in your ears. > this is where I rest my case... > > www.geocities.com/dedanoe YOUR SAUSAGE SMELLS -- K. My sausage sparkles. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Disturbing commercial #20050824a. Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 17:10:06 -0400 It begins: "We cleaned both sides of this puppy with toilet tissue..." POOR SPOT! Anyway, it turns out that some brands of toilet paper aren't very good at wiping shit off puppy fur, or something. "Wow, Mom! Spot's now only caked with turds on the left side thanks to Cottonelle! Now we can play with half of Spot!" I think it's a commercial which was produced under the theory "If you put a cute puppy in an ad, it's automatically effective!" If you visit www.cottonelle.com, you can see that their current advertising strategy is indeed to cover everything with pictures of puppies and not to mention that their product is some sort of toilet paper and not a puppy. The Web site has pictures of puppies you can print out and color ("Hey kids! I got you some propaganda from a toilet-paper Web site! Remember to color it between the lines before you wipe with it!") and will also let you watch another puppy commercial, in which the puppy uses his nose to shove a roll of toilet paper under a toddler's butt. But that's not as disturbing as "We cleaned both sides of this puppy with toilet tissue..." Of course, to be fair, right before they filmed that commercial, the puppy wrangler had to smear equal amounts of dogshit on each side of the puppy. -- K. It's the only toilet paper that prevents fleas! ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Re:_=CF=EE=F1=EE=E1=E8=E5_=EF=EE?= =?ISO-8859-1?Q?_=F0=F3=F1=F1=EA=EE=EC=F3_=FF=E7=FB=EA=F3?= Followup-To: sci.physics Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 17:29:46 -0400 In sci.physics, "tj Frazir" (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) wrote: > > Your too fucking stupid to comprehend anything . You SAW but you dont > comprehed. > Your a fucking dummie living off your wife. > YOU FUCKING PROVE IT. > YOU fucking prove I lied . > YOUR not retired ,,your handycapped above the shoulders. > > 1 ,, I dont give a flying fuck what you think ..stay poor and stupid > and see if I care. > 2 .. AS LONG as your wife works hard ...ha ha ha > 3 ,, ARE the other 5500 traders liers too ?? > Are the 1000 billionaires in usa all liers ?? > FUCK FORBS dont go runnng for the real liers cover ..they only say > what ever sutes thier adjecda. > 4.. Im 7 feet 6 now but 7 feet 9 when I get up. > when I was 30 I was 8 foot with my shoes on. > I grew till I was 25. Dear Captain Stupidpants -- if that _is_ your real name -- I am 9 feet 11 inches tall and I'm still growing and I'm going to steal your new word "adjecda" and cheat at Scrabble with it to become The World's Tallest Scrabble Champion, and as you know the prize in the world Scrabble championship is another four inches, so I'll be 9 feet 15 inches, which will finally allow me to rest my beer on John Tesh's head. -- K. p.s.: YOUR SAUSAGE SMELLS ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Re:_Re:_=CF=EE=F1=EE=E1=E8=E5_=EF=EE?= =?ISO-8859-1?Q?_=F0=F3=F1=F1=EA=EE=EC=F3_=FF=E7=FB=EA=F3?= Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 21:38:29 -0400 Followup-To: sci.physics In sci.physics, "tj Frazir" (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) wrote: > > Kibbboom .. the dark side turned the light on to kick you out. > Kiboot snoot week ? Did you give Danny his dinosaur, Hinge? Potsieflex nougat uggle wum-wum wamp. Doiderly eggplant ninkers zip? Urp smock flob graham cracker twine! Graham cracker twine zit trampoline, trampoline!!! > Kibboom is back from his whale calling lessons . I didn't call you fat! I called you stupid! There's a subtle difference, you fat idiot. > Kibbooooom was the pupet made of wood , > Is your head made of oak or balsa ? Manticore woxwox bowling jelly, anthropomorphic zinc smerp snet wiggly burlap? Your sausage smells! -- K. So does your zinc. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Excitingly unexciting hair color update, #20050824a. Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 20:14:22 -0400 Well, as I expected, the deep blue didn't bleach out -- a full bleach cycle left me with light cyan hair over blond roots -- so to cover it I chose to mix some leftovers from earlier experiments: Half a jar of Manic Panic Wildfire, and half a bottle of Special Effects Hot Lava. Wildfire is a fluorescent red (tending towards the rubine) without much staying power, and Hot Lava is a very dark orange-brown which fades to red. The mixture -- over the blue and blond -- gave me an interesting chocolate brown with bright orange highlights (and the front of my beard is nearly black, as those coarser hairs retained more blue.) Unfortunately, it looks a bit like one of those bad dye jobs elderly people get when they're trying to overcompensate for gray -- remember Chevy Chase's joke about Reagan having cancer of the hair? I've got something like that, an orange-brown combo not quite found in nature but which looks like it wishes it were. Hopefully in a day or two it'll fade back to more orange (or red) and less brown. One thing's for sure, because of the mixture of fluorescent red, orange, blue, and blond, as it fades I should get some nicely-layered effects from the dyes fading at different rates. It's going to look less like a dye job and more like some sort of alien animal fur. Now that I've finally used up the Special Effects Hot Lava, I won't be buying any more, as it's just too dark (no matter what it's mixed with, the result is brownish) and it stings my face in a way the other brands don't. -- K. Next on the schedule is either blood red or fluorescent orange, provided the blue residue _ever_ goes away... ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Disturbing commercial #20050824b Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 21:13:42 -0400 So this creepily intense middle-aged woman is holding a white angora cat in her lap and she confesses, "All this time I thought he was WHITE!" It's either a commercial for a detergent with bleach, or a shocking expose' of the racism of cat ladies. I don't know what they were selling. Some sort of laundry product but I was too distracted by the cat woman who wanted to get her white laundry clean around the eyeholes. Art Spiegelman's "Maus" comes tragically true, film at 11. -- K. I was expecting it to run back-to-back with an ad for Hamburger Hitler. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: sci.physics,alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Tracking uranium. Followup-To: alt.binaries.screen-savers Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 21:45:40 -0400 In sci.physics, "tj Frazir" (GravityPhysics@webtv.net) wrote -- quoted in full: > > You removed the sticker ,,didn't you . Um, yeah, I guess I did, but that's because I felt bad about all the flies trapped behind the hole in your screen door. I'll put it back over the hole once they've all escaped. By the way, why does your submarine have so many screen doors? You should look into burlap doors. I think you might enjoy them. -- K. Is there some context to whatever conversation you think you're having?