From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: "car recognition"? Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 01:53:31 -0500 I was looking at the Harvard / University College Of London's Prosopagnosia Research Center web site (www.faceblind.org): -> -> Prosopagnosia, also called face blindness, is an impairment -> in the recognition of faces. It is often accompanied by other -> types of recognition impairments (place recognition, -> car recognition, facial expression of emotion, etc.) though -> sometimes it appears to be restricted to facial identity. This is the first time I've ever heard of "car recognition impairment" as a disability. Google doesn't turn up much for "car recognition" except pages about police surveillance cameras. The only reference I could find was a 2003 Vanderbilt University study: [www.vanderbilt.edu] => => Aficionados may not only treat their automobiles as if they are => people, but it now appears that they recognize their cars with the => special part of the brain that is also used to identify faces. And, => when they try to identify cars and faces at the same time, they are => likely to experience a kind of perceptual traffic jam. Hmm. This gives me an idea for a story: Einstein becomes a bank robber and so he invents a ray gun that causes prosopagnosia, then redesigns his car to look like a giant Einstein face on wheels, then speeds away from the police while shooting his prosopagnosia ray at their tender brains. They can't catch him because every time they look at his facecar they get confused. There, now that I've summarized the entire bad story I don't have to write it. Yay, I've escaped from having to write the bad story about Einstein escaping! Uh oh, maybe that means he shot me with his Bad Story Idea ray on the way out. => Those are the implications of research conducted at Vanderbilt => University and the University of Colorado at Boulder. Researchers => there compared how the brains of auto experts and novices process => pictures of cars and faces. They found that viewing cars elicits => signals from the brains of car experts that are just like the => signals evoked by viewing faces in other brains. Moreover, the => experts' skill interfered with their ability to identify faces => when they were forced to process cars and faces simultaneously. I can imagine that happening. I'm not car-blind, nor do I care enough about cars to be unusually good at recognizing them, but since it requires great effort for me to even attempt to recognize faces, I can understand that it would be easy to distract a prosopagnosic carhound by showing them something they'd find interesting. It would be like if I tried to recognize a face that was directly between a sign with a slightly crooked ATF Franklin Gothic No.1 "a" and the world's last working "Twilight Zone" pinball machine. => The findings, reported online on March 10 in the journal Nature => Neuroscience, directly challenge the widely held view that a small, => specialized area in the brain is specially hardwired to recognize => faces. When confronted with a novel object, people use different => parts of the brain to identify it by breaking it down into pieces. => By contrast, the special facial recognition area appears to => recognize faces holistically, all at one time, and does so more => quickly than the piecemeal approach. => => Some researchers, including Isabel Gauthier, assistant professor of => psychology at Vanderbilt who co-authored the current paper, have => argued that faces are not recognized in a special-purpose module by => rather by a general purpose visual processor that can be trained to => identify other objects holistically, not just faces. => => [...] => => If the brainšs holistic processing capability can be applied to => automobiles, which are about as visually distinct from faces as => possible, then it should be possible to train it to identify => almost any type of object, the researchers argue. Hmm. Then how would this account for the fact that I have prosopagnosia but have still managed to train my brain to have the "snap" recognition of typefaces? (In my case, it is indeed a holistic recognition rather than a reductionistic feature-list recognition, since I can recognize even very blurry typefaces.) Basically, if there is some magic "instant recognition" brain area that can be trained to recognize different classes of things, I apparently have one of those because I learned to recognize typefaces unusually well, but then shouldn't I also have been able to train it to recognize faces after over thirty years of trying? Seems to me that faces do have some unique significance to the brain. I have trained my brain to recognize certain things other than human faces holistically, but the fact that I'm still prosopagnosic suggests that my brain is lacking something special which is required for human face recognition and not typeface recognition. I would expect that there are steeper requirements for holistic face recognition than for holistic recognition of simpler things such as cars or typefaces. (And no, I don't know why printer fonts are called "faces".) But getting back to the original topic -- while "car recognition" is certainly an ability that some people do excel at (through a lifelong interest in looking at cars) the question is, is there really such a thing as a "car recognition impairment"? If so, would this provide everyone with a great new way to challenge their traffic tickets in court? "Your honor, I suggest that the police force failed to test Officer O'Flatfoot for automognosia, therefore, I shouldn't have to pay my traffic ticket and I should get a million dollars for every car ever sold. Q.E.D., I rest my case, no givebacks!" I'd try that if I ever got a speeding ticket, but I don't get speeding tickets because I don't have a car. I've never been all that interested in having a car... modern cars all look alike anyhow. So anyway, does anyone here suffer from "car recognition impairment"? If so, would that be an excuse to pressure the car companies to go back to having distinctive-looking tail fins that gore people instead of all cars looking like melted bars of soap that only crush people without also goring them? -- K. And what about all those people who suffer from "bad idea recognition impairment"? Isn't it horrible that all those people are forced to work in network television? Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 19:17:12 -0500 ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: ___cil in ___dulous ___is ___etrates bladder very ___fully Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology version=2.63 Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > -- K. > > > > I hear that in Greek, > > "Kukla, Fran, & Ollie" > > means "cross-burners". > > > > [...seven years later...] > > > > Can someone please explain the sentence after the "-- K." to me? > > kukla <--> kyklos <--> Ku Klux > > So it's a pretty basic joke about puppets, Greek etymology, geometry > and scary racist morons. And sort of a klang association as well. But... I don't know Greek. Not even when I have a head injury. And you failed to explain the "Fran & Ollie" part. Do you think maybe I was using ghostwriters back when I apparently said something I don't understand? That was the only time that's happened! > No charge. Waah! All my protons and electrons ceased to exist! DAMN YOU, SCIENCE!!! I VOW TO DESTROY SCIENCE FOREVER!!! -- K. Science is the cause of all the world's problems that aren't caused by demons. Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 19:36:14 -0500 ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Fun in the library... Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > [...] > > Tip for the straightguys among us: 5" ain't small. Get your tip out of that jar, the pickles are complaining! According to most studies -- depending on who's doing the data collection, and their methodology, and what consumer product they're advertising -- the average is usually in the high half of the five-to-six range. And if the guys in Internet pornfic were real, there'd be lots of women suffering from internal injuries to the tops of their uteri. This proves two things. One, you didn't study, and two, you're going to be very -- wait, that's the punchline to a different joke. I think this is supposed to be the one about the miniature harpsichord and the five-inch harpsichordinator. Anyway, if you think 5" is big, you need new glasses. 5" isn't _that_ much below the median size, but come on, there's no way I'm so many standard deviations above the median. I'm just one extremely non-standard deviation past normal. Then there are those guys who have liquid silicone injected because they want their penis to look like the way a burrito does just before it explodes all over the roof of your microwave. I uphold the right of people to perform whatever the heck sort of bodymodding they want, but really, aesthetically they should at least choose as a model something cooked over a real gas stove, like fine chefs use when they make Jiffy-Pop. Sheesh, you people who keep talking about libraries sure have some weird interests. I guess now I know why the Dewey Decimal System reserved a hundred numbers for porn. -- K. And that's why Congress banned everything from 1000 to 1099. Shame that they used the "nothing over 999" wording, because that also eliminated 1200 to 1299, where all the good books by Shatner were. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Fun in the library... Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,soc.libraries.talk Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 19:50:02 -0500 "dsaklad@gnu.org" (dsaklad@zurich.csail.mit.edu) wrote: > > Always go across the street, across Dartmouth Street to the Copley > Plaza Hotel. The marble lined lavatories at the Copley Plaza Hotel are > cleaned very frequently. Maybe even quite pleasant to visit ! Could someone please draw me a map of where all the public restrooms that are too filthy for Don Saklad to use are? I'd rather use those than bump into him and have to have a conversation about how to line a lavatory with marbles. > Custodial services at Boston Public Library do not have proper > equipment, > > do not have good cleaning supplies that are safe nontoxic to > respiration, > > do not have uniform apparrel to protect clothing, > > do not have a frequent schedule so that the build up needing cleaning > is tolerable. That's because it's a L I B R A R Y. They're set up to provide clean books, not toilets. If you want to see sparkling clean toilets, you should go to the appropriate corner of Home Depot. Most of those have never even been used yet! Of course, some of the ones at the Boston Public Library have never been flushed, but that doesn't help much. > Poor BPL management is in denial about their lack in lavatory sanitary > custodial practices. It's an AFSCME American Federation of State County > Municipal Employees union collective bargaining labor relations > advocacy concern. No it isn't. It's a sign that you're spending way too much time at the library if you have to use their restrooms a lot. Look, as a grown-up, you're expected to sit through an entire movie without going to the bathroom unless you were lucky enough to get an aisle seat or one of those super-lucky people who has a colostomy bag. I say if you can sit through an entire movie, you should be able to go to the library, steal the book the movie was based on, and leave in even less time. So, you should never need to use the library's toilets unless you're some sort of weirdo who _likes_ using the library restrooms. And if you are, you should also like filth. It's a _public restroom_, and those are by definition filthy because the public is filthy. So either go to the toilet at home, or stop complaining and poop in the urinals like everyone else. In any case, the library's restrooms are perfectly sanitary in comparison to plenty of others I could name, like Wendy's, the Alewife (T) station, Cheers, and that live-chicken store in Chinatown. If you want clean public restrooms, you need to move to some part of the country where people aren't slobs, maybe Winnipeg. -- K. I lied, I've never been inside Cheers. But it must be filthy in there, what with Norm and Cliff having to share one toilet. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Hell's frozen over Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 20:13:31 -0500 Dean Lenort (dean.lenort@att.net) wrote: > > I believe Kibo prattled on about this guy some time ago, I do not prattle, you young whippersnapster with your crazy bebopulence and your freaky counterculturalfing. > but seeing the headline in the sports section really brought it home. > > Satan Powers Islanders > > The possibilities are very nearly limitless. Not really, because it's just the Islanders. No team with uniforms as ugly as those will ever win a Stanley Cup. Don't you know that hockey tournaments are rigged by the fashion police? That's why the Nordiques won the Cup the moment they moved to Denver where the uniforms weren't so incredibly horrible. Of course, if they had stayed in Quebec and adopted their proposed wolf-themed uniforms, they would probably have won about fifty Stanley Cups by now. > For example, the second paragraph brings such wonderful imagery to mind. > > Satan, the first player in the shootout, made several moves on > Pittsburgh goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury before slipping a low > backhander behind him. > > Even though hockey generally bores me to tears, Baby. > the mental image of a classical red-bodied Satan with horns, hooves > and goatee THAT'S NOT CLASSICAL! THAT IMAGE WAS CREATED BY COCA-COLA AND CLEMENT MOORE! > on ice skates with a hockey stick in his hand is almost enough to > make me watch the sport. What, bouncy hyperactive dancin' Marvin The Martian tending goal for the Senators a few years ago wasn't good enough for you? Wolverine from the "X-Men" movies played for the Leafs back then, too. And how about that team that used to have, as goaltender, that guy who looked like the guy from the "Friday The 13th" movies? > That is of course if they'll superimpose the above imagery on a > player in each and every game. So, I'm guessing that you don't have a Martin Brodeur poster over your bed yet. Have you at least seen the episode of "Seinfeld" where Puddy paints himself red and goes around scaring people? That's because there's this team called the Devils, see... And trust me, they do have demonic powers, for instance, Martin Brodeur can teleport. I've seen him do it. > But perhaps that's giving just a little too much of the limelight, such as > it is, to just one religious figure. I suppose in this era of equal air > time such a policy would require other figures of heaven and hell from all > the various religions would need to be represented. Oh sure, the thought > of Shiva flipping the puck over the outstretched reach of Buddha sounds > pretty keen, but once you take the concept to its logical conclusion and > you're stuck with L. Ron Hubbard on the ice against a feathered serpent, > things just start to get a little silly. L. Ron Hubbard wouldn't be able to play hockey, because the helmet wouldn't fit over the bump in his forehead. Maybe you'd enjoy the movie "Strange Brew", where Bob & Doug Mackenzie play hockey while dressed in "Star Wars"-inspired costumes. But there's one problem with that movie: It sucks. It really, really sucks. It sucks worse than baseball! -- K. Have you considered what would happen if curling skips looked like Satan while they were bellowing? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: February 2006 angst Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 20:28:17 -0500 Matt McIrvin (mmcirvin@world.std.com) wrote: > > Everyone with a driver's license should be able to: Replace spark > plugs, rotate tires, change oil, upholster seats, perform front-end > alignment, do major body work, give orders, take orders, wipe the > windshield, comfort the dying, smelt metal, read maps, design > integrated control circuits, engage in highway combat with Harlan > Ellison, parallel park, shoot Edward G. Robinson while clinging to the > running board of a taxi, circumnavigate a rotary, diaper a baby, > replace the transmission, hand signal, recite the College Priorities on > command, and double-clutch. It's still less dangerous to do all those things than to use a cell phone. I think all people who drive with a cell phone should have the cell phone taken away and replaced with a poopy baby, especially if it's Baby Harlan Ellison Needs Changing. And yet I see people talking on cell phones while driving every day but I've never seen a single person driving while diapering Harlan Ellison. I did see one guy driving while diapering Arthur C. Clarke, but I don't think that counts. Ever notice you never see guys on Harleys talking on cell phones at seventy miles an hour? This is because loud pipes save lives. Motorcycles make it impossible to use a cell phone, which is why Harleys are safer than any car. > Specialization is for insects. So, which would you rather have, this set of a hundred identical wooden cube blocks, or this Millenium Falcon Lego set with the little radar dishes, lazor cannons, and the special Wookie grooming seat that really rotates? Specialization is for capitalism. -- K. And I bet you only know how to smelt metal, not smelt wood or smelt water. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Prosopagnosia in the news Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 20:44:20 -0500 TomH (address@my.sig) wrote: > > [http://www.theglobeandmail.com/] > -> > -> Looking at faces > -> > -> The inability to recognize faces is called > -> prosopagnosia, says The London Observer. "As many as > -> one in 50 people may suffer from the condition, but > -> will for the most part go undiagnosed because doctors > -> know little about it." Dr. Brad Duchaine of University > -> College London, found there's a small, separate part of > -> the brain for facial recognition. "If those cells > -> aren't working," he said, "someone might not be able to > -> tell two faces apart, yet they will be able to > -> recognize two horses apart." Poor horses! They shouldn't be cutting them up just so this guy can "find" something all other neurologists have known for many years. Did this guy also discover that the heart pumps blood? 1 in 50 is also one of the lowest estimates I've ever heard for the prevalence of prosopagnosia. Of course, there's the unresolved question of how to divide people into the "does have it" and "doesn't have it" categories, because very few people are _completely_ face-blind (unable to see faces at all) and a lot of people are _partially_ prosopagnosic (sometimes unable to recognize some people but not others.) There's so much variation in this from person to person that it's hard to do more than just guess at its prevalence, especially as the milder cases are things people don't even realize they have. I would still really like to get some sort of head scan (anyone here able to get me one for free?) because I've always wanted to know if there is any little bitty malformation somewhere near my right ear, and if so, what shape the dark spot in my brain is, because if it exists I want to name it and I can't name it if I don't know which dinosaur it's shaped like. I still haven't even named the glowing snake that gives me a migraine about once or twice a year. You know what the best part of being unemployed is? The snake's unemployed too. So I can't name him because he's not there. Yay! -- K. Sometimes I almost miss migraines because the snake was pretty. If only he were 10000 times as pretty, it would make the migraines be less unbearable. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: I am not that damn scary! Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 20:52:41 -0500 Mark Edwards (Mark-Edwards@comcast.net) wrote: > > Shit. First, a cop thinks I could be a terrorist (last year) because > I try to take a picture of a neon sign. Now I seem to be scaring half > the customers in a Radio Shack ("You've got questions, we've got... > um... I dunno..."). > > The battery in the remote for my car alarm died. Radio Shack has lots > of batteries. > > I go into the store, with my big carryall on my shoulder, and the > user guide for the remote. People look up at me (Lookout! He knows how > to RTFM!). I decide I don't actually know what the battery looks like, > so it might be handy for visual comparison against the display. > > I reach into my bag and pull out the small electronic fob that is my > alarm remote. A couple customers look somewhat nervous. Hell, they > might be shoplifters... > > I reach into my bag and pull out my multi-tool (Victorinex). A couple > customers start muttering. I ignore them. I remove the screws from the > remote as more customers look worried, remove the battery, and seal > the fob back up. > > As I approach the battery display, people move away from me. A clerk > has his hand hovering under the counter as if ready to push an alarm > button. Huh? > > I find my battery, approach the counter, and reach into my bag for my > checkbook. The clerk flinches. > > "I'm not *that* fukken scary, am I?" I ask the clerk. "I guess you > sell more consumer products than components these days..." > > He replies, "Well, these days you never know..." You're missing the most important point: This was Radio Shack. The clerks probably flinch whenever any guy who's not a virgin comes in. Did the guy offer you his lunch money if you'd let him do your homework instead of getting a wedgie? On the plus side, I bet he never asked you for your address, home phone number, and E-mail address so you probably get Radio Shack spam in three fewer modes than most suckers. > Gah! We've become a fukken nation of "guilty until shot, killed, > skinned, sanitized and proven otherwise". I never should have emptied > that tank of nerve gas into their employee lounge. Come here and go shopping with me. I promise not one security guard will even notice you exist. Come here while it's still good ski-mask weather. Someone needs to invent a ski mask you can wear in the summer 'cause I want to go to Las Vegas. -- K. Also, next time, for a better reaction ditch the Victorinox and pick up a Leatherman. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Takeshi Kitano wants to hurt children of all ages Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:22:58 -0500 This is why I admire Takeshi Kitano, even though he has never had any sort of facial expression in any of his movies: [posted by "yankeefog" to metafilter.com] -> -> Takeshi no Chousenjou may be the hardest videogame ever written. -> With a title screen warning that it was "created by somebody who -> hates videogames" (actually writer/actor/director/comedian -> Takeshi "Beat" Kitano) "Takeshi's Challenge" forces gamers to -> endure such tasks as singing karaoke for an uninterrupted hour -> and holding a single button for four straight hours. Players who -> endure to the end are rewarded by having to hit the final boss -> 20,000 times. Bitchin'! I love video games but I wanna play this one because I hate it. This sounds even more of an I-hate-video-games video game than that video game Roger Ebert and Harlan Ellison wrote together. You know, the one where you have to get Deuce Bigalow and Darth Vader to wear each other's diapers. The next best thing would be if they made a video game out of the hit original SpikeTV series "MXC". Who's the insane idiot who created that show? I dare Japan to make a show like "MXC". It could be hosted by the doughy old sadistic teacher from the movie "Battle Royale"! -> If you don't speak the language, you might be able to enjoy -> the game as a Japanese precursor to Grand Theft Auto, but those -> who understand it more fully see it as "a videogame that riffs -> on human disappointment for as many hours as the player is -> willing to search for redemption." In other words, it's Zen meditation except with an explosion after you shoot someone the first 20,000 times. Why 20,000? 65,536 or 99,999 would be more appropriate numbers. Actually, better yet, 100,002, but the manual would say "99,999". It's not a terribly new concept -- I've seen lots of other ultra- sadistic video games written by people who hate joy and want to ruin your fun. For example, "IQ 180" for the Atari 2600, "Busy Baby" for the Atari 800, and that "WarioWare Twisted" gyroscopic cartridge that makes you accidentally throw your GameBoy Advance against the wall as hard as you can because you die if you can't coil up the smiling flower by spinning the fragile electronic device around 360 degrees within half a second twenty times in a row. It's worse if you play that on a Nintendo DS because the little stylus will come flying out of the back of the machine and put an eye out five miles away. Worst of all is if your DS has its power cord plugged in so you rip all the wiring out of your walls. Anyway, Takeshi Kitano's video game hardly sounds like a challenge for me. I play pinball. Video games are so slow and predictable in comparison. His game better be at least as hard as level 103 of "Battle-Girl" or I'm going to punish him by having all of his old movies dubbed into Elmer Fudd's voice. Oh, wait, someone already beat me to it. If you want a real larf riot, see "Johnny Mnemonic" where Takeshi says most of his lines in English -- while never once emoting -- in his squeaky little voice. That movie is an all-out battle between Keanu Reeves and Takeshi Kitano as they constantly challenge each other to see who can display less acting talent. And to end the movie you have to push the "STOP" button 20,000 times. -- K. I think Keanu Reeves just gets all those movie roles because he's half-Asian. They should make more movies with completely Asian actors, like Tadanobu Asano or Vin Diesel. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Subject: Re: Word of the Day Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:25:47 -0500 Mark South (mark.south@null.invalid) wrote: > > In another newsgroup I was today described as: > > Scarcastic. > > I love this (in a healthy way, of course), and it may even be accurate, > depending on what it turns out to mean. Chicks dig scars. Especially chicks with scars. And one of the easiest ways to give yourself scars is with something caustic, such as lye, and then you'd be scarcaustic. That's probably a method for impressing the ladies that Sega would recommend, judging by "Feel The Magic: XY/XX". Apparently Japanese women like it when you vomit goldfish at them. It's the world's first completely non-sexual hentai dating simulator! Sort of like if the Tokyo Shock Boys wrote "Happy Days". Anyway, good luck on getting enough scars to make women love ya. I recommend starting by burning off both eyebrows, because we all know that women hate body hair. -- K. Why won't any newspapers carry my "LETHALLY BAD ROMANTIC ADVICE" column?