From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: This is why I'm proud to be an American. Date: Thu, 13 Apr 2006 23:13:01 -0400 This might be the single most important news item you see this year, assuming you never see any others: [www.latimes.com] -> -> Joey Fatale, the 4-foot, 4-inch New Yorker who heads the all-dwarf -> KISS tribute band MiniKiss, is denying published reports that he -> tried to sneak past security last month at the Hard Rock Hotel and -> Casino in Las Vegas to confront a rival band leader, 4-foot "Little" -> Tim Loomis of Tiny Kiss, for allegedly ripping off his idea for -> such a group. I think I'd be happy if someone stole my idiotic idea. Because it would validate the smartitude of my idiotic idea. This sort of thing makes me proud to be an American. I live in a country that has multiple miniature Kiss tribute bands. Also, it's a country that puts the names of rock bands in all capitals if they wear enough clown makeup. AMERICA RULEZ! But not the band America, the continent America that the United States covers. Hey, why do we keep allowing Canada to pretend they're part of our continent when if you look at a map upside-down they're clearly just a peninsula? Also, how does South America know that Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery there if they don't speak American? And how many all-dwarf Kiss tribute bands do they have down there, or do they just have all-midget Queen tribute bands? -> Loomis, a former drummer for MiniKiss, was performing with Tiny Kiss, -> which includes three little people and a 350-pound woman, on -> St. Patrick's Day at Beacher's Madhouse, a Las Vegas variety show, -> when the incident occurred. By the way, the Shaw Brothers film "Bat Without Wings" stars a guy wearing Gene Simmons's makeup. But he's not a dwarf. He's also not Sammo Hung, who is 350 pounds. So if you spliced together the movie "Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park" and "Bat Without Wings" and "The Terror Of Tiny Town", would the movie explode with awesomeness? Or is my idea so stupid that it would immediately get stolen by some dopey dwarf? The most important fact in this news item is that it was a St. Patrick's Day performance, so you know what that means: Leprechauns in Kiss makeup. LEPREKHISS!!! -- K. This has been a recording. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: This is why I'm proud to be an American. Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 17:26:42 -0400 David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > This might be the single most important news item you see this year, > > assuming you never see any others: > > See? I _told_ you he was ALIVE! No I'm not. I'm not here. I'm too busy to read or post anything. -- K. I WILL PUNCH ANYONE WHO THINKS I'M HERE ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Can someone please explain Australia to me? Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 16:37:13 -0400 Once again, I ask myself: Why is Australia the world leader in pretending people don't like porn? It really should be the United States. We're good at pretending we don't love everything. [www.themercury.news.com.au] -> -> Trial set to block net porn -> By ROHAN WADE -> 13apr06 -> -> AN Australian-first trial to filter Internet pornography will begin -> in Tasmania this year. The main problem with watching porn in Tasmania is that everyone can hear those loud buzz-saw noises as the strippers twirl around and eat trapezoidal holes through trees. Then Bugs Bunny cross-dresses, 'cause that's what he does. Rabbits are like that. -> Organised by Tasmanian senator Guy Barnett, the trial is aimed at -> preventing children from accessing inappropriate internet material -> by blocking pornographic material at the ISP level. -> -> The trial will be conducted by two companies, Sydney-based Internet -> Sheriff Technology and US filtering company RuleSpace. -> -> Once the trial begins, adults wanting access to pornography will -> have to contact their ISP to opt out of the filtering. Didn't Adelphia already try this in the U.S., shortly before they went massively bankrupt? At least the Buffalo Sabres got some first- round draft picks because of that so they kicked the Bruins' asses this year, although if you have Adelphia you probably didn't get to see the ass part. -> The technology also will be used to filter extreme violence. One of the great things about living in a real country is that I can go to Chinatown and walk into any aquarium store and buy cheap Chinese editions of Takashi Miike movies if I don't mind being smothered by the green cloud of algae hanging in the air. In the U.S., we get our extreme violence at the fish stores. I bet that in Tasmania the fish stores don't even sell Siamese fighting fish. -> It is understood Internet Sheriff Technology has reached agreement -> with about 50 per cent of ISPs to participate. -> -> Senator Barnett, announcing the trial in Launceston yesterday, said -> he believed every Australian had a fundamental right to access the -> internet free from pornography and extreme violence. YES! EVERY AUSTRALIAN HAS A FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO AS MUCH CENSORSHIP AS POSSIBLE! ALSO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD HAS A FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO GIVE ME A BILLION DOLLARS! Hey, I wonder how Senator Lieberman's proposal for an ".xxx" ghetto is doing? Did he ever get elected Vice President? -> He said a 2003 survey by the Australia Institute found that 84 per -> cent of boys and 60 per cent of girls had been accidentally exposed -> to pornographic material on the internet, while 40 per cent of boys -> had deliberately used the internet to access sexually explicit -> material. And 60 percent of Australian boys are terrible liars. Here in the U.S., we at least keep our stories straight -- 0% of Americans like porn because 100% of Americans like porn. -> Senator Barnett said whereas once adults would have had to leave -> their home to access pornographic material, it was now coming into -> homes via the internet. Yep, in the good ol' days people could only get their porn outdoors. This was before the invention of books and magazines and drawings and paintings and that postcard with the deedlee-ball curtain in the background. Those good ol' days were back in -- let's see, when were paintings invented? Are Australian Senators such twits that they think porn was invented around the same time as Post-It Notes and the iPod? Also, how come you can get porn on your iPod but you can't get Post-It Notes with porn on them? Sometimes you need porn you can stick to the edge of your computer screen until it falls off five minutes later! -> "The survey found that 93 per cent of parents were in favour of -> filtering out pornography available on the home computer, let alone -> those in public buildings," he said. -> -> RuleSpace chief executive officer Alistair Allan said more than 4.2 -> million pornographic sites existed on the web, and the number was -> constantly growing. -> -> If successful, the three-month trial could be expanded nationally, -> Senator Barnett said. -> -> He said he would be advising Communications Minister Helen Coonan -> of the results of the trial. I bet he won't be doing it by E-mail, what with everything on the Internet having sex cooties. THE INTERNET IS DIRTY AND MUST BE SPANKED! -- K. I'm still not here. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Can someone please explain Australia to me? Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2006 23:29:18 -0400 John Burrage (jburrage@cyllene.uwa.edu.au) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Once again, I ask myself: Why is Australia the world leader in > > pretending people don't like porn? > > It's only Tasmania, which as everyone knows is not technically part of > Australia - probably - so it doesn't really count. Does too, and is so! Tasmania and Australia both use Region 4 DVDs, and as everyone has known since birth, the DVD regions were assigned to put all countries which use the same language and same video standard in the same region, which is why Australia is in the same region as Mexico because everyone there speaks English and uses PAL too. This is also why Japan, South Africa, and Greenland are all Region 2 because everyone in those countries speaks the exact opposite of Australian because all three of those countries are directly opposite Australia on this new map I drew just to prove I'm not Wendy Carlos. > Tasmania is a strange, strange place, so I've heard, and most of > its troubles stem from Say "Yahoo Serious". I beg you. > the fact its shape resembles the distribution of bubbles in beer? Electrons in an electric guitar? Yahoo Serious DVDs flying back and forth within Region 7 on a Qantas flight that can never land because someone told them they had a Region 7 Yahoo Serious DVD on board and it would be a felony to bring it into one of the regions that has continents in it? > female pubic hair, hence the euphemism "Map of Tassie". Unless she's > had some pretty severe waxing in which "Map of New Zealand" or > possible "Map of Luxembourg" or "Map of Vatican City" would be > more appropriate. This is the worst episode of "NUMB3RS" ever. Even before the part with the speech about how applying a Cantor Dust fractal to the Parton Bag Model yields a 99.9999999% probability that a random murder will take place exactly four blocks THAT WAY! RUN!!! Then after they catch the potential bad guy who almost had the chance to commit murder, the FBI celebrates by teaching each other how to make Cartesian divers using camphor and alum. It's also one of those shows that demonstrates that you can only have a mostly-Jewish cast of characters for your TV show if none of them ever practices or mentions Judaism in any way, the exact opposite of if you had a gay character, who would be required to always say gay things while doing gay things in a very gay way in an extremely gay house in a totally gay outfit. "NUMB3RS" is simultaneously both the most-Jewish show on TV and the least-Jewish show on TV. Also, it needs more gay mathematicians, 'cause math is totally gay. Except when you use it for gambling. That straightens math out. That's why all the smart mathematicians spend so much time playing slot machines, because it helps them get chicks. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, the way the DVD region map was totally ripped off from the shape of Yahoo Serious's pubic hair. I hate you now. -- K. Because of that rather tedious TV show, now whenever anyone tells me something like "...and your change is $2.37," I yell "THAT PROVES THE TERRORISTS WILL STRIKE THE PARKING GARAGE ACROSS THE STREET, BY APPLYING CANTOR'S DIAGONAL ARGUMENT TO WHITE HOLES!" ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: KIBO-Oncology Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 17:24:29 -0400 "Cam" (cam.barr@beer.com) wrote: > > I got my test results back yesterday and my Dr. told me > that the weird lump on my face will have to be removed. As > I'm smiling and nodding he tells me " That's OK because > you'll look like a pirate. Pirates have scars, right?" "Yes, and so do doctors who treat me like an eight-year-old." "Well, no lollipop for you..." (pirate-versus-doctor fight ensues) > [...] > > Apparently they'll cut it out in such a way that they can pull the > surrounding skin together with minimal scarring. In effect I'll get a > face lift on one side. YAY. Now I've got to sunbathe the other side > until the skin mutates. Then I'll be all youthfull lookin' 'n stuff. Hmm. Why can't they just do a little facelift on the other side? Surely if John Woo has access to that machine that can turn John Travolta into Nicolas Cage without anyone being able to tell, someone talented should have access to even better machines. There must be a machine somewhere that will remove your face, rotate it six degrees to one side, and stick it back on to counteract the hemi-facelift. Can you wear ski masks where you live? Anyway, sorry to hear about your weird lump and weirder doctor. -- K. I _dare_ you to show up for your next appointment dressed like a pirate. Also with the little steering wheel so you can yell "ARRRRR, IT'S CAUSING DERMATITIS TO ME SCROTUM!" ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Instant Review: Morton Hot Salt Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 17:44:31 -0400 Mark Fergerson (nunya@biz.ness) wrote: > > This shit is GOOD!! > > It comes in a 7.5 ounce fairly standard plastic spice-type bottle > except it's clearly labelled (and capped) in bright, Can't Mistake It > For Anything Else RED with a blue patch containing the trademark Morton > Girl. Expect to pay around US$3.00 per bottle. So let's see. That's twelve cents worth of salt plus a tenth of a cent worth of cayenne pepper? Clearly the extra $2.87 is worth it just to avoid having Tom Kenny burst through your wall dressed as Abe Lincoln with a tommygun. > My tongue thinks it's about 50/50 ordinary NaCl and chipotle/red > pepper. The "Contains" list of course doesn't list proportions, but as > the FDA requires ingredients be listed in order of proportion we can > guess fairly accurately. The list goes: > > "Salt, spices (including chipotle chili pepper and red pepper), > sugar, maltodextrin. Contains 2% or less of the following: natural > flavors, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (cottonseed, soybean), > silicon dioxide (prevents caking)." > > While there are things in it I'd rather not eat ("natural flavors" > usually means MSG and I avoid soy products wherever possible) in this > case I'll make an exception because the stuff is both good-tasting and > convenient to use. "natural flavors" here probably means liquid smoke and distilled capsaicin. Any sort of alleged hot pepper stuff contiaining unspecified non-hot-pepper ingredients is only for crazy people. I mean BAD crazy people. The sort who only pretend they like hot pepper, or who like heat but not flavor. If all you want is heat, you might as well just chew on some razor blades (actually, that'd have more flavor, because of the blood.) > It's not all that much on the Scoville Scale but emphasizes the > distinctive smoky flavor of chipotles. It's prolly a good product for > heat-wusses to get acquainted with. No, _actual_ hot sauce is a good thing for heat-wusses to get acquainted with. Flavored salt is for people who want their Lipton Cup-A-Soup powder to taste even more like salt plus chemicals. > If you're seriously addicted to hot foods you absolutely must have > this stuff on your condiment tray. It will warm up anything you like to > put salt on, and has the side-benefit of lowering the amount of salt you > use by exclusion. Better yet, don't use any of it. Then you'll consume a lot less salt and granulated red plastic or whatever else is in the stuff. You might consider the Mrs. Dash "Southwest Chipotle" blend. It has no salt and a very nice blend of actual spices. (With the usual smoke flavoring, etc., but at least they're honest enough to identify what the "natural flavors" are meant to pass for.) For adding actual hot pepper to food, nothing beats actual hot peppers, which you can buy in sauce form for a lot less than $3 a bottle. Around here you can get a quart bottle of Texas Pete for under $2, though it's pretty vinegary. For $3 you should be able to get a 5-ounce bottle of Melinda's or Desert Pepper Chili Company, both of which make all-natural habanero sauces with very little vinegar and no added capsaicin. For you heat-wusses, go with the 79c bottle of Frank's regular. Of course, they all contain a little salt, but there's a difference between adding sauce with traces of salt in it and adding salt that has traces of orange tint. > [...] > > PPS Please don't start calling me "Dr. Hot Salt". Though I s'pose I > could do worse... Well, "Hot Lips" is already taken... So I think we should take it away from her and call you "Hot Lips". -- K. Like salt very much, do you? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Where is Kibo? Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 17:52:23 -0400 Mark Edwards (Mark-Edwards@comcast.net) wrote: > > Draicone (draicone@gmail.com) wrote: > > > > I was wondering to myself one day, where on earth is Kibo? > > He's a Space Viking - what makes you think he's on earth? There is no Earth. We Space Vikings ordered our Universe with no Earth and no cheese. If someone ever attempts to put an Earth in our Universe, we will blow it up with a mixture of baking soda and nuclear weapons. If anyone ever shows me an Earth, I will hurt it. The continents will be peeled off like three-week-old Band-Aids and the core will be squeezed out like a three-week-old jelly doughnut. The Moon, that can stay. Because I don't want Martin Landau to have to move again. Unless, of course, the Moon turns out to actually be made of green cheese, in which case it'll get blown up too, even if Martin Landau is living in cheese. So, to sum up, there is no Earth, and there never will be. This has been a recording. -- K. beeeeeeeepCRUNCH ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Chinese food is OK, just not all the time Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 17:58:26 -0400 Tim Chmielewski (webmaster@timchuma.com) wrote: > > Subject: Chinese food is OK, just not all the time You have much to learn. Everything is okay all the time, especially if it's edible and free of cheese. Even White Castles would be okay if you ate them 24 hours a day, provided you're allowed to order their new fish nuggets once in a while. Although, if I could have only one gourmet restaurant while I was stranded on a deserted island, I would choose Indian. When you have nothing to do, you need something spicier than a White Castle. -- K. Chinese is good, except when the dim sum carts all avoid your table completely because you have a Mohawk. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: We. Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:07:06 -0400 "john f winston" (johnfwin@mlode.com) wrote: > > Subject: I Eat Sea Salt. April 9, 2006. > > In the pass I was told that somepeople feel better if they switch > from regular salt to sea salt. To me it even tastes better. You know they just make it from regular salt plus fish urine, right? > Here something about sea salt. > > .................................................................... > .................................................................... > > Subject: Sodium > > SODIUM > Sodium Chloride written chemically NaCl, is common table salt. The > U.S. standards for table salt allow no more than 2% mineral content > other than Sodium Chloride. This unbalance is one of the root causes > of many health problems. If you were to replace table salt with > complete sea salt, it will eliminate many health problems; but so > many of our foods contain this depleted salt that we have to > eliminate these sources too, for results. If the food manufacturers > used genuine sea salt, we would not be in the pickle we are in. That depends on how much vinegar you mix it with. > And not all "sea salt" is "complete"; air dried is the correct source. > > This essay is not about salt vs. sea salt; this is about mental > problems, potential mental problems and too much "sodium." I say zinc is the crazy metal. If you don't believe me, just say it aloud: "Zinc." See? It's the craziest Scrabble word there is! Other crazy minerals: bauxite, cronkite, leeverite, thiotimoline, arsenic, ytterbium, and Archimedes Plutonium. -- K. So, what about Morton Hot Salt? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: This looks interesting... Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:13:34 -0400 Tim Chmielewski (webmaster@timchuma.com) wrote: > > I would go if the comedians weren't allowed to leave either. If you went, they'd _have_ to let the comedians out. Tim Chmielewski (webmaster@timchuma.com) wrote: > > I saw a news report last night about how playing pinball is good for your > health as it reduces stress. Then you have never played against me. I was going to put my responses to the first lines of several of your other articles here, but I didn't want to read that far into the articles. Sorry. Also, please untie all the comedians you've been keeping in your basement. Andy Dick is too important for you not to share. -- K. PINBALL GOOD! ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Bob Hope Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:19:47 -0400 Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > So, I'm new to this Kibology thing and all, but I just wanted to check > something out here. The Bob Hope joke, that's really not funny anymore, > right? Just wanted to check. Thanks. Anyone who thinks Bob Hope was _ever_ funny needs to have their face run through a cheese grater until they appreciate humor. And I will never end my crusade to make sure he stays dead. It's really too bad he was too chicken to take Andy Kaufman's challenge. I think the rules for the Kaufman-vs-Hope "joke-off" said something like whoever gets the most laughs gets to be addressed as "Mr. Bob Hope" for a year, and the other one gets killed. Of course, now that they're both dead, we could still hold the joke-off. I say dead Andy Kaufman is funnier than dead Bob Hope any day. Which did more people see, that movie where Jim Carrey played Andy Kaufman, or that other movie where Charles Kimbrough played Bob Hope -- you know, that movie that doesn't even exist? I rest my case. KEEP BOB HOPE DEAD, FOR THE CHILDREN. -- K. Bob Hope was filled with a mixture of kapok and fire ants. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Bob Hope Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 22:47:09 -0400 Mark Hill (mhill@epicentre.net) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Anyone who thinks Bob Hope was _ever_ funny needs to have their face > > run through a cheese grater until they appreciate humor. > > I'm wondering if talking about Bob Hope was supposed to be funny, or > just a desparate cry for help that someone needed to destroy Bob Hope, > and people were interpreting it as funny. Or maybe no one was > interpreting it as funny. No sane person would consider anything about Bob Hope to be funny in any way. I mean, we're talking about the MURDER of a HUMAN BEING which is never justified even if he is a MILLION TIMES WORSE THAN HITLER which Bob Hope WAS in ALL CApITALS EXCEpT FOR THE "p" BECAUSE THAT pART OF MY SHIFT KEY WAS BROKEN BY BOB HOpE WHICH MEANS HE'S NOW A MILLION AND ONE TIMES WORSE THAN HITLER. Consider this: Mel Brooks put Hitler in a lot of movies, and never put Bob Hope in a lot of movies. This is because Mel Brooks knows that Bob Hope was less funny than Hitler. > > Bob Hope was filled with a mixture of kapok and fire ants. > > The fire ants have been hired as Bob Hope's replacement on USO tours. Fire ants are funny. -- K. Has anyone ever been to the museum that has Bob Hope's Death Car? You know, the golf cart with the laser? ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: McGonnell would be so proud Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:25:56 -0400 Paula (mmmtoblerone@earthlink.ent) wrote: > > Some idiot punkass kid who lives behind me was playing his electric > guitar with his amp turned up to 1100. It was coming in louder inside > my house than I can have my tv turned up. So I went out on my balcony > and when there was a lull told them to turn it down. They told me it > was the guitarist's birthday and they were having a party. I told him > that was nice, but if he wanted to reach his next birthday he'd better > turn down the volume so it didn't sound like his speakers were inside > my house. That never works -- if you tell someone to "turn it down", they adjust it from 1100 to 1099 'cause they already think it's not too loud. You have to say "kill it". Because that has the word "kill" in it. > [...] > > Also, the punkass asshole is a shitty guitarist and an even worse > singer. Damn kids, get outta my eardrums! There's some bozo across the street who likes to play the bongos unaccompanied. Fortunately it's only a few times a year, I guess 'cause he can't afford drugs on a daily basis. Yesterday the f'ing "AYLO!" truck showed up. Fortunately it didn't come close and didn't linger. And it hasn't come back today. Maybe you should find out where the "AYLO!" truck is, pay them a visit, and give them $5 to park it in the kid's driveway all morning. -- K. Better yet, in the kid's bedroom. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics Subject: Re: decaying people Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 19:02:05 -0400 In sci.physics, Kurt Stocklmeir (kstocklmeir@aol.com) wrote: > > I guess > > girls and boys who are good know that reading these physics groups is > like having anal sex and a person who has anal sex has an anus that > leaks > > Kurt Stocklmeir Never mind that, Kurt. What's reading alt.tv.seaquest like? -- K. I'm impressed that Kurt knows how to spell "anus". ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,sci.physics,alt.tv.seaquest Subject: Re: decaying people Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 23:01:13 -0400 David DeLaney (dbd@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote: > > James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) wrote: > > > > Kurt Stocklmeir (kstocklmeir@aol.com) wrote: > > > > > > [...] girls and boys who are good know that > > > reading these physics groups is like having anal sex > > > > What's reading alt.tv.seaquest like? > > Like a porpoise stomping on a human face? Oh, great, you're going to get the three surviving "seaQuest" fans all riled up and they're going to start a porpoise-versus-dolphin flamewar which will degenerate into slashfic about the four surviving "seaQuest" cast members. And I, for one, don't want to read about Michael Ironside getting squicked, unless it's in a David Cronenberg movie with Patrick McGoohan as Dr. Sue Johanssen. So please keep your porpoise-versus-dolphin snuff pornography off of my completely serious WebTV screen and its highly important interactive digital "seaQuest" virtual-reality CB simulatior. Did you know that science doesn't know everything, because scientists think they proved that it's mathematically impossible for dolphins to fly? But I saw the episode where the submarine went to an alien planet and because the dolphin was on board he was technically flying, I know it was real because I saw it on TV and NBC even repeated the episode because the scientific community couldn't stop them. So, Kurt, what's your obsession with "seaQuest"? Isn't it time for you to move on to a more grown-up show, like "Stargate Atlantis", or that new version of "Doctor Who" where the American broadcasts leave out all the wild gay sex? -- K. Hmm, Cronenberg made a movie starring Michael Ironside, and a movie starring Roy Scheider. This means that eventually Cronenberg will make movies about all the other captains of the UEO seaQuest DSV, including that fourth-season guy with the underwater wheelchair. I will pay a dollar to the first person who posts a complete episode guide to the fourth and fifth seasons. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: "KILO" not "KIBO" in the head shop window. Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 20:20:23 -0400 Adam Funk (a24061@yahoo.com) wrote: > > Does it count as wackyparsing when you misread only one letter? > > I thought I saw "KIBO" in the window of the head shop near my office > but it really said this. > > +---------------------+ > | KILO'S INDIAN PIPES | > | AND CHILLUMS | > +---------------------+ So because "persons" is another way of saying "people", that means "chillums" is another way of saying "chili", and I would like to point out that I only enjoy the type of chili that has beef and red stuff in it, not the type of chili that's sold at the doobie shop you go to during your lunch hour. Do they have the standard sign saying "ALL GLASSWARE IS FOR TOBACCO USE ONLY"? And the tiny cardboard roses packed in the NOT A CRACK PIPE crack pipes? And the handcuffs priced at $80 for a $15 pair of single-locking shoddies? Indian pipes have always been one of my favorite saprophytic heterotrophs. They're such a nice shade of white, and technically count as relatives of blueberry bushes (in much the same way that slugs count as relatives of giraffes.) Indian pipes are one of those plants where the botanical guidebook page will just say "Identification: unmistakable" 'cause they're weird, even by the standards of people who spend all day looking for saprophytes. -- K. Mmm, chili... I wish the local Stop & Shop had good habaneros, not squishy ones. I need one right now. ----------------------------------------------------- From: James "Kibo" Parry (kibo@world.std.com) Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: What I learned at work the other day Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2006 00:00:31 -0400 Paula (mmmtoblerone@earthlink.ent) wrote: > > Space aliens are real but you don't have to be scared of them because > they only eat sheep blood and jerks. That's not the correct punchline to the joke about the panda, the steering wheel, the shotgun, and the pirate. > I also learned that you can get a permission slip returned to you > signed with the parent's name and everything before the kid even goes > home from school if the kid really really likes to talk. Along with > that, I learned that some parents don't know how to spell their own > names. Stop picking on Captain Awesom! He's my favorite person who doesn't exist and saves the world every three days except when it gets blowed up forever and then he fixes it next time because he's Captain Awesom! But I agree, his kids are jerks. I'm sending their coordinates to the space aliens now. If Robin Williams and that guy that was inside Alf suddenly gain weight, we'll know why. You remember that guy who was inside Alf, the little person with the hand-shaped head. -- K. I never sign any of the permission slips that get E-mailed to me unsolicited, because I'm smart. I'm even smarter than Captain Awesom, 'cause I can spell his name, but he spells it "Captain Awsum".