Results of Scientific Research Survey #1


Of the 516 survey forms collected, the results were analyzed with the following procedure:

"Anti-Kibological" answers scored as -1, "Not Kibological" as 0, "Kibological" as 1, "Very Kibological" as 2. (Questions that were skipped were not factored in.)

The mean value for each question was computed. These raw values were scaled to -1.0 to 2.0. In other words, the lowest-scoring question was deemed to be the essence of "Anti-Kibological" (-1.0) and the highest-scoring was labelled "Very Kibological" (+2.0). All questions were thus categorized as "Anti-Kibological" (-1.0 to -0.5), "Not Kibological" (-.5 to +.5), "Kibological" (+.5 to +1.5), "Very Kibological" (+1.5 to +2.0.)

Basic Conclusions

Not surprisingly, Xibo (the Anti-Kibo) scored as the very least Kibological item (-1.0). Surprisingly, Kibo did not get the most Kibological score, ranking at +1.58; the most Kibological item on the survey was "deathmatches between inanimate objects" (+2.0).

The following items are Very Kibological: deathmatches between inanimate objects, a birthday cake running over a steamroller, Kibo, and food that goes "glop", "crunch", and "thud" at the same time. At scores just below +1.5, things which are almost Very Kibological (but technically just Kibological) were the concept of the concept of cardboard and spiked walls which crush things.

The following items are Anti-Kibological: Xibo, the word "logic", Benjamin Smith, and Bill Clinton. Interestingly, "Benjamin Smith" was a made-up name included as a control item. Apparently control items are not Kibological. And at -0.49, Dan Rather should kiss his lucky butt that he was just barely above the Anti-Kibological range.

More Over-Interpretation

The all but one actors and celebrities on the survey (other than Kibo) all scored in the Not Kibological area: William Shatner, Martin Landau, Barbara Bain, Pee-wee Herman, Dan Rather, Jesus Christ, and Richard Nixon. (As noted above Bill Clinton ranked as Anti-Kibological.) Fictional characters generally had slightly higher scores: Fonzie, Potsie, Chuck E. Cheese, and Mr. Yuk beat all the real celebrities.

Individual words, such as "cardboard", appear to be more Kibological than people, with the exception of the word "logic" which scored amazingly low (-0.68). Cities had a wide range of scores compared to other categories, ranging from -0.45 for Los Angeles to +1.0 for Schenectady.

Not surprisingly, "fluffy pink marshmallow Peeps" (+0.59) and "baby chickens with pink feather fungus" (+0.63) scored about the same, as they are the same thing in real life. Cats (+0.30) are significantly more Kibological than dogs (-0.08) for reasons that are unknown (the implication is that Spot would be more Kibological if he were a kitten.)

As expected, fast motion (+0.72) is more Kibological than slow motion (+0.45). Dr. Matt McIrvin's crazy hypothesis that wacky robots (+1.08) are more Kibological than wacky chimps (+0.71) has also been proven, and of course psychotic postal workers (-0.01) are slightly more Kibological than sane postal workers (-0.13) although no kind of postal worker was really Kibological at all.

The Universe (+0.54) was slightly more Kibological than the planet Neptune (+0.48), which suggests that if we measured the Kibologicalness of various other planets we could plot the Universe's overall Kibological field gradient and determine from which direction come the rays of cosmic Kibology.

Unexpectedly, neither food that tastes good (+0.38) nor food that tastes bad (+0.0) scored as Kibological, though some specific kinds of foods were Kibological. It is unknown what this means about the presence or absence of taste in Kibologists.

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James "Kibo" Parry
last revised December 29, 1998
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